Attention – Page 7 – mardihumphreys.com

I Wish I’d Known

“Mom had made sure we were exposed to ideas and information that were not available to her as a young woman.” Brene Brown, Rising Strong

When I ran across that quote, it reminded me there are umpteen things I want my daughter to know about work because she’s a woman. Here are three.

Assertive and Likable

If you intend to be a leader, that violates current gender stereotypes. Research shows when a woman’s behavior violates gender stereotypes, it’s harder for her to advance in the organization. At my first full-time job, a male coworker chuckled at me, “Stop working so hard. You’re making the rest of us look bad.” The very behavior that could put me on a leadership path, made him uncomfortable. I navigated this by asking for help and including others (particularly male colleagues) when making decisions. To get promoted, I had to be both assertive and likable and that is not easy. Unfortunately, the business world hasn’t changed much.

Work-life Balance

If your job is building dependent (e.g., hospital, school, grocery), you have a better shot at work-life balance because you leave your work at the building. But you may be putting in more hours there keeping up with the demands of COVID-19, particularly if you work a frontline job. The pandemic revealed plenty of jobs aren’t tied to a specific building and can be done any time of day, blurring the line between work and home. As a woman, the work-life balancing act is more difficult thanks to stereotypical gender roles. The term work-life balance has a negative connotation, as if work isn’t part of your life. I suggest you strive for work-life integration. Pre-pandemic, this worked particularly well for those who have control over how and where they spend their workday. COVID-19 forced more employers to not only allow employees to work remotely, but also consider the possibility of making remote work a permanent option. Consequently, you have more opportunity to shape your day now than ever before and for the foreseeable future. It’s easy to go overboard and work too much, and there will be times when work is slow and life demands more of your attention. But if you create a schedule, coordinate with your partner and kids, unplug regularly to intentionally rest, work-life integration is more practical than work-life balance.

Own Your Success

In school, you work hard and get noticed. That doesn’t happen in the workforce. You have to promote yourself. First, internalize the fact you earned the right to recognition. We tend to remember our failures better than our successes, so keep a running list of your wins (e.g., attained goals set in your last performance review, clients you’ve landed, the number of clicks on the page you created for the company’s website). Second, accept compliments. Women are famous for diluting our achievements. We attribute our success to luck or we overshare credit. You work hard; accept recognition for it. This is not bragging. Just say thank you. Express gratitude for the contributions of coworkers who helped you, but don’t exaggerate their efforts and underestimate yours.

What advice do you give your daughters about work? Please share in the comments section.

Stress Fractures

My husband and I took a walk. As we cut through an apartment complex parking lot, I pointed to some cracks in the asphalt. “Isn’t this relatively new?” I asked. “It’s less than two years old,” he said. “Those are stress fractures.” That is the perfect way to describe my psyche right now. COVID-19 feels like death by 1000 paper cuts. Every setback stings, but the wound isn’t deep enough to kill. The entire planet is in a strange kind of war. The enemy is a virus we can’t see with the naked eye and everyday it torturously takes something or someone away from us. To fight this enemy, it may be time to employ survival psychology. We can start with the advice of someone who has fought in a more traditional kind of war: Admiral James Stockdale.

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end-which you can never afford to lose-with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” – James Stockdale

That is the crux of the Stockdale Paradox. Introduced by Jim Collins in his book Good to Great, the Stockdale Paradox is the mindset the admiral developed while he was a POW for over seven years during the Vietnam War. Stockdale was the highest-ranking United States military officer held in the Hanoi Hilton. He had other prisoners to lead. He was tortured over 20 times. He had no set release date. He survived by blending hard pragmatism with unwavering hope for the future. Here is more of his story.

Problem:

Our current problems are epic: the pandemic, global racial unrest, the weather is threatening all over the planet, the global economy showing signs of disintegrating. We talk about a vaccine like it’s going to rescue us and magically return the world to our pre-COVID-19 state; but the people, places, and things we’ve lost since March are not coming back. We have to adjust to the new abnormal. But how do we develop a mindset that keeps us going?

Solution:

The Stockdale Paradox has two directives: have faith we will prevail in the end and discipline to face the facts of our current reality. Here are some ways we can practice it.

Faith – the pandemic will end; discipline – doing our part (e.g., wearing masks in public, social distancing, etc.) to keep each other safe until it does.
Faith – people of all colors can work together; discipline – we can encourage, listen, and learn from difficult conversations.
Faith – we can slow climate change; discipline – unplugging our computers when not in use.
Faith – we can survive an economic recession; discipline – only use our emergency funds for legitimate emergencies.

Result:

Notice the Stockdale Paradox doesn’t espouse optimism. Admiral Stockdale said the optimists were the ones who did not make it out of the Hanoi Hilton alive. You can read about that here. Managing both of the instructions in the Stockdale Paradox results in hope. If we hope for the best and prepare for the worst, we can give and receive compassion, support, and community. It’s uncomfortable, but we can do this.

How are you keeping hope alive? Please share in the comments section.

Multitasking = Multidistracting

Humans were never meant to multitask; that’s a computer’s job. The word was invented in 1965 referring to an IBM computer’s capabilities. We aren’t talking about listening to a podcast while on a run here. More like texting while driving a car. Have you been forced to multitask more than usual as we shelter from home during the Coronapocolypse? Answering email while home schooling while folding laundry during a teleconference, perhaps?

What we think of as multitasking (doing multiple tasks simultaneously) in reality, is task switching (doing multiple tasks in rapid succession). If we make a habit of task switching, we lose the ability to focus. If we lose the ability to focus, we lose the ability to learn. Multitasking robs us of the ability to separate relevant information from irrelevant details. It negatively impacts short term memory; the brain’s clipboard. Also known as working memory, it’s the brain’s power to contain and shape information for a limited time. It’s the foundation for all thought processes; from memorizing your spouse’s favorite Chipotle order to learning how to code. The data suggests it takes longer to finish multiple tasks and we make more mistakes than if we pay attention to each task individually. Habitually shifting our focus is mentally exhausting and makes us 40% less productive. Eventually the attention drag will burn us out.

Distractions like email and instant messages slow us down. It’s hard to avoid the temptation of the relentless barrage of information, but we’re probably fooling ourselves if we think we’re good at multitasking; 98% of us aren’t. Best practice is to focus on one thing at a time for a certain period of time; maybe try the Pomodoro Technique and guard that time as sacred. It will be difficult, but unless someone is bleeding, on fire, or hurt, no interruptions are allowed. When we can focus, get into a flow, and accomplish something, it lowers our stress. This means saying no to everything that is not the most important thing at the time. This seems limiting given everything we need to get done, but it actually allows us to employ Parkinson’s Law and be more productive. The word “priority” means one thing. Priorities is a made up word to indicate everything is important and must get done. (If your manager insists on using the word priorities, and suggests everything needs to be done right now, it’s time tor a 1:1.) What is the one thing that must get done today? That is the priority and we must give it our full attention. It’s non-negotiable. The work day revolves around it.

We can’t eliminate all of life’s interruptions, particularly if everyone is doing everything from home. Clients will have emergencies, technology will fail, our partners, children, fur babies, neighbors, (etc.) will need our immediate attention at some point during our work day. But we need to try to concentrate on doing one thing at a time as often as possible. Our mental health depends on it.

What strategy do you use to monotask? Please share it in the comments section.

Meeting Manners

Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels

Finding and maintaining business relationships is so important it has its own word: networking. Pre-COVID-19, the default technique was in person, in a group, with snacks. Meeting people powers business. We get together to build trust, show respect, demonstrate commitment, and form long term relationships. When we connected with someone, we’d further the conversation at a later date, either at one of our offices or restaurant.

When instructed to shelter at home, we immediately virtualized it, but now we’re dipping our toes back into the networking and 1:1 meeting ponds. It’s not unusual to run from a teleconference in my home office to a 1:1 at a coffee shop.

This transition is exhausting, but it helps when I remember guidelines for COVID-19 change daily for the entire world. We can’t realistically absorb all the available information, and no one has all the answers. We can have patience, extend grace, and be prepared to pivot. For example, when setting an appointment we acknowledge we’d rather meet in person, but offering a teleconference as a back up is currently the best practice.

We could just talk on the phone. (Remember when talking to someone was the only thing we did with phones?) I had a couple of 1:1 calls recently and they were refreshing! Eliminating the sense of sight allowed me to concentrate on the person’s voice and take notes. I didn’t have to wonder if I was using enough non-verbals to show I was paying attention. I had to remind myself to respond with verbal cues (e.g.,“uh-huh,” “yes,” “tell me more,” etc.) so the speaker would know I was listening. It was a great communication exercise.

When we meet face to face, it’s prudent to call the venue ahead and ask if they allow indoor seating yet. If they have outdoor seating, that’s even better, but requires the weather to cooperate. We should move our chairs six feet apart. If we purchase drinks or food, we should pay with our credit/debit card. We should wear a mask, carry hand sanitizer, not shake hands (and maybe comment on it; e.g., “I hope someone comes up with a substitution for handshaking soon.”) We should take our temperatures before leaving the house (and tell our 1:1s upon arrival). We should be prepared for cancellations as COVID-19 conditions daily change.

Now that we’ve had over three months experience with teleconferencing, here is something I’ve found useful. Begin the meeting at five minutes after the hour or half hour and end five minutes before the hour or half hour. Odds are the person meeting with me is coming from an earlier meeting, and/or has another one after ours. Giving them five minutes to transition demonstrates consideration for their schedule.

Respect is the key, both giving it and requesting it. When choosing whether to meet in person or virtually, it’s fair to say, “I’d rather teleconference. My family is taking social distancing very seriously.” We should also not be surprised to hear that sentence from the person we intend to meet. COVID-19 is turning into a marathon rather than a sprint. Minding our meeting manners is a small way we can help each other to the finish line.

Are the majority of your meetings still virtual? Please tell us about them in the comments section.

It’s Alright to be Wrong

Father’s Day has me thinking about how patient my dad was.

There was the time I:

woke the whole house by climbing up in the attic and walking on the creaky floor over my parents’ bedroom early one morning
overcorrected a turn and drove into a yard at the top of a hill while learning to drive
flushed an item down the toilet and clogged the septic tank

These mistakes were explained to me (usually) calmly and corrections were requested (usually) just as calmly. He made me feel like I made a mistake, not like I was a mistake. There’s a big difference and it’s easy to miscommunicate. He made sure I knew my imperfections didn’t stop him from loving me. How often do we beat ourselves up because we feel like we failed? Three instances occur to me.

Failed Goals

When setbacks happen at work, it helps to remember our past successes. (If you don’t keep a success list for performance reviews, start. Now.) After reassuring ourselves, let’s reframe. This isn’t a failure, it’s an experiment. Was it a S.M.A.R.T. goal? Can we extend the deadline? Do we need additional resources to reach it? What if we tweak the process? We can analyze the data, then make a decision.

Failed Expectations

I registered to attend a free webinar given by a colleague. It was his second one. For the first one, he requested my help cohosting and I assumed (you know what assuming does) he’d want help again. Then I discovered a meeting scheduled for the same time that I’d rather attend because I’d have an opportunity to invite those participants to a webinar I was presenting the following week. I was disappointed I couldn’t attend the meeting. Then, I thought. “Why can’t I?”

The angel on one shoulder argued with the devil on my other shoulder:

Angel: Because you made a commitment.

Devil: They’ll be another webinar next quarter. Cancel the registration.

Angel: Your colleague will want your help again.

Devil: He hasn’t asked for it.

Angel: But you always put others’ interests ahead of your own.

THAT did it. I decided to attend the meeting instead of the webinar and if people think less of me for choosing what’s best for me, so be it.

Failed First Try

The team shot down my first idea for the website refresh in the project meeting this week. Does that mean I shouldn’t suggest another one next week? Is everyone judging me? Should I give up trying to be creative because I’m obviously embarrassing myself? Truth: my team probably forgot about my idea as soon as they left the Zoom room. I can’t remember what Joe’s big-SEO-lead-magnet-idea-that-tanked at last week’s meeting was. No one is holding our imperfections against us; except us. Let’s throw out our fixed mindsets and adopt growth mindsets. What exactly was it about my idea the team didn’t like? Was there a kernel of the idea they did like? Can I cultivate it and bring a revised idea to next week’s meeting? Struggling reminds us we’re stretching. Let’s not allow our mistakes to define us.

What flavor of imperfection is bugging you this week? Please share in the comments section.

Teamwork Makes the Dream Playlist Work

After so many times asking each other, “Have you heard this song?” my best friend, Kelly, suggested we start a playlist in Spotify to keep track of them. Because we’re both rule followers and goal oriented, we had a couple of guidelines. The originals were: Listen without distraction (no driving, working, social media, etc. on first listen), preferably through headphones, and post at the same time every week. We inadvertently stumbled onto something deeper than trading songs. In this new world of COVID-19, people are turning to music and using it almost as a healing balm to our psyches.

Our original intent was to have fun in sampling each other’s taste in music, but after being at it for over a year, it’s evolved into a means of communication. We use it for commemoration and encouragement. We acquire a clearer understanding of each other’s worldview because our song choices reveal our personalities. The anticipation of new music (I’ve heard artists I never would’ve known otherwise), and trying to guess what the other is going to add, makes it a game. An unexpected side effect of building our playlist is how it’s affected my job.

Teamwork

Team members have to know what the goal is. I asked Kelly what she thought the goal of building our playlist was. She said, “…to share ideas, thoughts, and feelings that we may have had during the week through music. Doing this often generates conversations we may not have had otherwise, and can get us thinking about various things in ways we might not have before.” A team works toward the goal together, but we come at it from different perspectives. Building our playlist helps me be open to my team’s opinions on how to reach our goals.

Perseverance

I keep my ears open throughout the week and seek unusual sources for songs to surprise her. At work, this translates into pushing me to seek new and unusual ways to help my company grow.

Communication

We often ask each other why we chose that song this week, usually via text. We have to corral our thoughts and boil them down to those most important and present them briefly. I find myself editing my work emails down to short active sentences; a hallmark of good communication.

Deadlines

Sundays come with excruciating regularity. So do work deadlines. Our playlist helps me remember not to wait until the last minute to research my share of the project.

Relax

Our playlist reminds me to take a break from working. It’s something fun to look forward to instead of thinking about COVID-19 all the time.

One of the reasons humans love music so much is because it helps us express our feelings. Why try to put them into words when a musician has already done it so eloquently? Sometimes there aren’t adequate words to express our feelings. We need a crunchy guitar (or maybe a plaintive violin) solo to do it for us. Let’s think about adding music to our self-care routines. We can intentionally build a playlist for lifting our spirits. If we need some ideas, we can ask a friend to build one with us.

Do you have a song that makes you happy every time you hear it? Please share title and artist in the comments section.

Going the (Physical) Distance

Even we introverts are over this whole sheltering-at-home sequestration. Boredom has officially set in. The value of teachers, the healthcare workforce, truckers, and sanitation engineers is proved. The struggle with guilt is real. We’re asked to stay home with our snacks, entertainment, and stimulus checks, but we want to be out with our friends. We feel survivors’ guilt working from home (WFH) while 1 out of 10 other people in America have lost their jobs thanks to COVID-19. Instead of pining for what we can’t have, let’s give attention to what we can do.

Each Other

Let’s take a break from supervising our children’s online learning, WFH, cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc., and make virtual coffee dates with our families and play virtual games with our friends. It gives us peace of mind to see our loved ones safe and healthy. By the way, we have to initiate these. I posted offers on my social media for all comers to hang out and no one took me up on them. But, when I invited specific people to meet, they all accepted. This also goes for networking. Is there someone you want to connect with, but couldn’t pre-COVID-19? Plenty of people are now open to spending a few minutes on a meet and greet teleconference. Everyone just wants to know there’s life out there.

Emotions

Are you journaling more since sheltering at home? It’s good to empty our heads of negative thoughts and drag them into the light where we can see them more objectively. Our fear of the future can be analyzed. Our guilt over whining about WFH while our friends are furloughed may be admitted. Our anger sparked by the abrupt annihilation of our routines has a place to go. Then, we can deliberately relieve these negative emotions with positive actions. (E.g., help your first grader write a thank you note to his teacher for adapting to an online classroom.) In a few months we can revisit these journals and determine if we developed habits in quarantine worth keeping.

Envision

We can start thinking about life after lock down. We can update our resumes and LinkedIn profiles. We can touch base with warm contacts. Networking is easier right now because COVID-19 gives all of us something to talk about. We can plan a vacation for October, make a menu for Thanksgiving dinner, and start a Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa gift list. We can think about what scheduling adjustments we want to keep, what lessons we’ve learned, and what technology we need to implement to improve our future work life balance.

My late maternal grandmother was famous for the catch phrase, “This too shall pass.” I hear it a whole lot these days, which is good. It’s a statement of hope. The world will probably never go back to the way it was before the pandemic, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But right now, let’s focus on helping each other get through today.

How are you encouraging hope during the pandemic? Please share in the comments section.

The Uns

James C. Collins coined the phrase, “Good is the enemy of great.” He suggests we have to remove some good things from our lives so we can focus attention on achieving bigger goals. Since we are stuck sheltering in our homes a little longer, (Thank you, COVID-19.) maybe now is an appropriate time for evaluation. Are we satisfied with the state of our lives? Do we need to take a hard look at our priorities? Should we trim some good items so we can excel? Are we ready to make some uncomfortable but necessary choices? If so, how?

Uninvite

We are highly influenced by the people who surround us. They can determine the quality and direction of our lives; much like the wind influences a sailboat. People treat us the way we let them, so let’s make respect one of our boundaries. Let’s be intentional about networking with positive people who have standards we admire. Let’s treat coworkers the way we want to be treated and associate with those who reciprocate. This can be hard. We don’t always have the luxury of choosing whom we work with and our emotions can get in the way, but let’s not reward bad behavior (e.g., our opinions and/or feelings are ignored). If a team mate consistently gossips in the break room, shoves her busy work on us, or complains about how she never gets high-profile assignments, it’s time to uninvite her from our projects.

Untie

Time flies when we’re making a living. In our efforts to keep moving forward, we neglect to stop and assess where we are, what has changed, and how outdated thinking may be holding us back. Do we believe we can’t do something just because we’ve never tried it? Thanks to technology, what was unthinkable 10 years ago is now normal. (Think Lyft, Instagram, Amazon Echo) Are we making choices based on what our circumstances were then? We can’t use the same decision making criteria on our first full-time job that we used in college. We can’t use the same criteria as a spouse that we used when we were single. We can’t use the same criteria as a parent that we used before children, but we can untie ourselves from the past by using a filter like: Is it worth my T.E.A.M.?

Unexpected

We can’t predict there is anything better than what we have now and we don’t realize we’re settling for good. Going for more requires change and we don’t like what we can’t expect. Maybe we start by asking ourselves what we do better than anyone else. If we don’t know, we can ask a friend or trusted coworker. We’re usually counseled to build up our weaknesses in order to succeed, but I think we should spend more time cultivating our strengths. Getting less weak at something takes more time, energy, and attention (for marginal improvement) than getting better at something we’re already good at. Let’s stop binging Tiger King and read a leadership book, listen to an industry podcast, or take an online class.

What are some good things you need to eliminate to make room in your life to pursue great things?

Die Hard

B2B cold calling is a hot button. Sales professionals have strong opinions and compelling arguments both for and against it. 2019 data says it doesn’t generate business 90% of the time and it takes six hours of calling to set one appointment, (which may not lead to revenue, btw) but companies who didn’t do it grew 42% less than companies who did. Everyone agrees it’s a huge time waster and isn’t the best way to attract clients, but most also say to do it. Not helpful. What are some of the problems and how can we solve them?

Problems:

It’s outdated

Invented by fellow Daytonian John Patterson to sell his cash registers in 1873, cold calling is no longer novel and it’s developed a bad reputation. It’s considered selling, but isn’t it just hunting? We call a stranger and try to ferret out if they need what we have. I interrupt someone’s work to pitch my company. Is this the first impression I want anyone to have about us?

No Gatekeepers

With companies phasing out admins, decision makers have to answer their own phones and they usually just don’t. They get so many sales robo-calls, they don’t consider it rude to hang up on us. People would rather receive texts than calls. They’d rather receive emails than texts. They’d rather ignore all three.

Buying has changed

The seller used to be in control of the information the buyer needed. Thanks to technology, information is available at decision makers’ fingertips. Customers prefer to check our websites, Google us for reviews, and talk to people we’ve worked with to find out if they want us. Customers want personal service from trustworthy local businesses. They want to discover us and enlist our help in solving their problems.

Solutions:

Qualified leads

Narrowing down not only the companies we contact but also the appropriate personnel is crucial. It saves time and puts us in contact with the person who knows if their business has problems we can solve. This is a big deal and big business. There are a ton of companies who supply sales leads.

Inbound marketing

If we analyze our data and determine what our customers have in common, we can reach out to similar businesses through our websites and social media channels. We can attract those who need us by demonstrating who we are and what we do. We can earn clients’ trust by giving them content they can use. We can establish ourselves as the SME to solve potential clients’ problems, then invite them into conversation.

Develop relationships

Let’s make friends now, so people know and trust us in the future. If we can do someone a favor, we should; even though there’s no revenue in it for us. We never know who a potential client is and “Bacon’s Law” is real. We can like and/or comment on new acquaintances’ social media posts. We can send them emails with helpful content (e.g., an article regarding an industry trend) without including a sales pitch.

When we can’t find businesses who need us, is picking up the phone and calling random companies the answer, because at least we’re doing something? What do you think? Please share in the comments section.

What Difference Does it Make?

Last year there was huge buzz around Marie Kondo and her movement to spark joy through tidying up. If you followed her method, do you still feel joy from the things you kept? If not, maybe tidying up just made you happy instead of joyful. Here in the doldrums of winter, let’s brighten things up a bit by discussing the difference between happiness and joy and what we have to do to get them.

What’s the Difference?

Happiness – is a temporary and fleeting emotion. It’s a result of what’s going on in our lives at the moment (e.g., landing a big account or going on vacation). Happiness is external and pretty much out of our control. It’s experiencing positivity, gaining fulfillment, and getting what we want. Happiness is a consequence of good fortune; like how we feel when we reach a goal (e.g., a promotion). It’s a feeling and feelings can change in a New York minute.

Joy – is permanent and comes from within us. It depends only on our behavior; as opposed to how someone else’s behavior affects our moods. We have to choose joy. It doesn’t just come naturally. For example, we can choose to like ourselves for our kindness instead of berate ourselves for not yet losing those last ten pounds. Joy is closely associated with peace of mind. We can build it and allow it to evolve as we discover what people, places, and things bring us comfort. Joy is wanting what we have. It’s a state of being content in all circumstances. Joy requires a growth mindset. It is unique to the individual and can dictate the steps we take to attain our goals. Cultivating joy is definitely worth our T.E.A.M.

How Do We Achieve Them at Work?

Happiness – We can set and meet S.M.A.R.T. goals, make $60,000 – $95,000 a year, take a coffee break, text a friend, or listen to a song. We can routinely treat ourselves to small diversions to refresh our dispositions. If we don’t like our jobs (e.g., digging ditches) we can unearth an aspect outside of our tasks that we do like (e.g., my muddy buddy in the ditch beside me could be a stand up comedian).

Joy – We can practice gratitude: be thankful we have jobs and hot cups of coffee. We can discover meaning and purpose in our work. We can choose to further our personal development. We can let offenses go and not dwell on the negative. We can do what’s necessary to obtain peace of mind (e.g., prepare for a client presentation for an entire week ahead of the meeting). We can adjust our attitudes. We can cut back on social media; especially the platforms that promote competition (look where I went, whom I’m with, what I’m eating). We can take on challenges and risks and not give up until we’ve competed the tasks. Then, we can celebrate our successes no matter how small.

What are you doing to build joy into your work life? Please share in the comments section below.