Communication – mardihumphreys.com

Are You Experienced?

You’ve been in your field for five years. You know the systems, understand the personalities, and can spot a problem before everyone else realizes there is one. People come to you because you get stuff done. That sounds like experience, right? But is it five years of growth or is it the same year repeated five times? Repetition can make you faster and feel more confident. It can help you build good judgment and become a trusted subject matter expert. At the same time, if your work isn’t challenging you, then you may be very busy while your career stands still.

Competent vs Comfortable

Competence is valuable. It’s also comfortable. Why could that be a problem? You meet your deadlines. Your manager rarely needs to check your work. Coworkers rely on you to solve familiar problems. You can complete tasks that once took hours in a fraction of the time.

Once you master a task, you use fewer brain cells to complete it. That makes your day easier, but it also means the work may no longer be building your skills. You are producing more because you know the routine, not because you’re learning something new. You need to ensure being good at your current job helps you prepare for your next one.

More Work Does Not Equal More Experience

Does your workload keep growing, but your abilities don’t? For example, let’s say you prepare six reports every month. Then your manager adds six more. You are now responsible for twice as much work, but you are still using the same skills. That is more volume, not necessarily more development.

Now let’s say you learn how to automate part of the reporting process, identify patterns in the data, and present recommendations to senior leaders. The original task has become a development opportunity because it requires new abilities. More responsibility makes you grow. More repetition makes you tired. Are you being stretched, or are you being weighed down?

Some Warning Signs

Being trusted for a strength is useful. Maybe you are the spreadsheet person, the meeting rescuer, or the calm one who fixes every last-minute crisis. It can turn into a trap when people keep giving you work you have already mastered. Here are a few clues:

Your work rarely makes you uncomfortable.
You already know how to handle nearly every assignment.
You cannot remember the last time you needed to learn something before moving forward.
You are known for one thing.
Your résumé has stopped changing.
Your job title may be different, but your accomplishments sound almost identical to the ones you listed two years ago.
You cannot name a skill you developed recently.

Ask yourself, “What can I do today that I could not do one year ago?” You don’t necessarily need to name a certification, but there should be an answer. Have you learned to manage conflict? Influence leaders? Mentor a colleague? Make decisions with incomplete information?

Three Types of Experience

It can be useful to separate experience into three categories.

Repeated experience is performing the same work under similar conditions. You need this to build mastery.

Expanded experience is doing familiar work with greater complexity, visibility, or responsibility.

Developmental experience is building a capability you can use in future roles.

For examples: Creating the same monthly presentation is repeated experience. Presenting it to executives is expanded experience. Learning how to turn the information into a recommendation that changes a business decision is developmental experience.

Stretch the Work You Already Have

You can build all these types of experience today. Start by adding one stretch element to familiar work. For example, lead the meeting instead of preparing the notes. Present the recommendation instead of only gathering the information. Train a coworker instead of remaining the only person who knows the process. Ask to participate in planning instead of waiting for someone to hand you the final assignment.

You can also request experience. In your next 1:1 with your manager, instead of telling them you want to improve your leadership skills, you could request to build experience by leading a cross-functional project. Find out if there Is an upcoming initiative where you could own part of the work. Even if there isn’t one right away, now your manager knows to think of you when assigning the next one. A course can teach you concepts. You need a real assignment to prove you can apply them.

Audit Your Experience

Review your projects and calendar from the last six months. Label each major activity as repetition, expansion, or development. If most of your work falls into the repetition category, do not panic. Treat that information as a prompt.

Choose one skill you want to strengthen and look for a practical way to use it. Volunteer to facilitate a discussion, mentor a new employee, improve a process, learn a new tool, or present your work to a different audience.

Aim for one meaningful stretch experience each quarter. Four new experiences a year can change the direction of your career especially when they build on each other.

Your experience should compound. Each year should add better judgment, broader skills, stronger relationships, and/or the ability to solve more complex problems.

What type of experience has helped you build your career in the past year? Please share in the comments.

Keep It Moving

Let’s say you met with three interesting people last week. You had good conversations. You exchanged ideas. Maybe somebody even said, “We should definitely stay in touch.” Fantastic! A calendar full of one-on-one meetings makes you feel productive.

What exactly did you produce?

Networking supports business development, but they aren’t the same thing. Networking helps you build relationships. Business development requires you to understand where there may be a need and you intentionally move the relationship toward an appropriate next step.

This does not mean you turn every one-on-one into a sales pitch. (Please don’t.) Just be mindful to deliberately move through three relationship stages: connection, relevance, and action.

Connection

This is the know part of the know-like-trust factor. The first part of a one-on-one conversation should still feel like a conversation between two humans. Learn what the other person does. Ask about their work. Find out what they care about.

Good questions help you understand context, avoid misunderstandings, spot roadblocks, and build rapport. Your questions should be clear, specific, and asked with a goal in mind. Instead of spending 45 minutes comparing career histories, ask questions that reveal what is happening in their business right now. For example:

What are clients asking you for most right now?
What are you trying to grow this year?
What is getting harder in your business?
What kinds of problems keep landing in your inbox?

Then listen. Don’t spend their answer time mentally rehearsing your pitch. Actively listen to understand what they’re telling you and use what you hear to formulate your follow-up questions. Because that’s where business development starts to get interesting.

Relevance

This is the like part of the know-like-trust factor. Once you understand what’s happening in their business, look for where your work may be relevant. Listen for sentences like:

We’re expanding.
Our team is overwhelmed.
We’re struggling with…
Our clients keep asking us for…
I wish we had someone who could…

Resist the temptation to launch into a five-minute description of everything you sell. Instead, get curious. For example, you could ask a follow-up question like:

You mentioned your team is struggling with that. What is making it so difficult?
How are you handling it now?
What happens if that problem does not get solved?

Now you’re learning whether there is a genuine business problem, how important it is, and whether you may be able to help.

They start to like you when they clearly see how you can relieve their pain. This is the appropriate time to make your work easy to understand. If someone leaves your one-on-one knowing you’re a consultant whose organization does several things involving strategy, communications, leadership, and organizational effectiveness, then they don’t know what problem sends someone to you. Try something like: I help companies solve X so they can achieve Y. Or: The people who usually call me are dealing with X. That gives the other person something memorable with language they can repeat when they encounter someone who needs you.

Action

This is the trust part of the know-like-trust factor. You had a wonderful one-on-one. You both said you should get together again. That was six months ago. Business development requires movement. The next step doesn’t have to be, Would you like to hire me? It might be:

I know someone you should meet. Would an introduction be useful?
You mentioned that challenge with your team. Would you like me to send you a few ideas?
That is exactly the type of problem I work on. Would it make sense to schedule another conversation specifically about it?
Who else in your organization is involved in solving that?

Action turns an interesting conversation into a developing opportunity. Your follow-up matters too. Skip the generic, Great meeting you! as your entire message. Refer to something specific the person said. Send the resource you promised. Make the introduction. Confirm the next conversation. Reliability builds trust, and trust makes it much easier for someone to give you business or put your name in front of someone who can.

Do This Before Your Next One-on-One

Take five minutes to prepare. Know what you want to learn. Think about the problems you solve.
Prepare two or three questions that might uncover needs, priorities, or opportunities.
Remind yourself that during the conversation, you’re going to listen for relevance.
Make yourself a note that before you leave the conversation you will ask yourself: Is there a natural next action? Then take it.

Please don’t make every one-on-one meeting transactional. Relationships need time to grow. At the same time, acknowledge the difference between activity and progress. Drinking a lot of coffee is networking. Creating connection, finding relevance, and moving toward action is business development.

How do you move a networking conversation toward action? Please share in the comments.

F or F The Sequel

Wow! Thank you for your responses to Part One of Frustrating or Fatal? In my networking last week, it became pretty obvious pretty quick this topic is a bigger conversation than I was aware. Here are a few more things that came up when deciding if your workplace is toxic, or you’re just having a bad week.

Does Favoritism Shape Your Opportunities?

Every manager has people they naturally connect with. That alone doesn’t create a toxic culture. The warning sign is when relationships consistently matter more than performance. Certain employees receive better assignments, inside information, promotions, and forgiveness. Others are held to stricter standards or excluded from decisions that affect their work. You may deliver strong results for months, yet watch a less-qualified coworker receive an opportunity because they have better access to leadership. When employees believe outcomes depend on being liked, they stop focusing on good work and start noticing who is invited to the golf outing.

Are Mistakes Ammunition?

Healthy teams examine mistakes to improve the process. Toxic teams search for someone to blame. A missed deadline may reveal unclear ownership, poor planning, or too many competing priorities. Instead of fixing those conditions, leadership singles out one employee and uses the incident against them for months. This creates a culture where people hide errors, avoid responsibility, and document every conversation for self-protection. When your attention goes into proving that something was not your fault, you pay less attention to solving the real problem.

Are Your Boundaries Treated as Optional?

You should be able to take approved leave without being punished. You should be able to step away when you are sick. Your manager is not entitled to constant access to your hours outside of work. A toxic workplace assumes you’re available 24/7/365. You may receive messages late at night with no stated urgency, then face criticism for responding the next morning. You may get questioned about your commitment when you can’t attend a meeting outside your normal hours. A salary pays for your work. It does not purchase every minute of your life.

Do Values Only Appear on a Wall?

Many organizations talk about trust, teamwork, respect, flexibility, or employee well-being. The real culture shows up in decisions. Does leadership say it values collaboration but rewards information hoarders? Does the company promote wellness but chronically understaff teams? Does it preach transparency while punishing employees who respectfully raise concerns? Ignore the posters for a second. Notice what gets rewarded, tolerated, and repeated. That is the culture.

Is Your Body Noticing?

A toxic workplace can change how you feel about yourself. Do you get the Sunday Scaries? Do you reread your replies to emails several times before sending them because you’re afraid of typing the wrong thing? Do you lose sleep every night before a 1:1 with your manger? Do you feel drained long after the workday ends? Have you begun to question your judgment? Maybe you were once confident in your abilities, but now you second-guess every decision. You assume problems are your fault. You hesitate to apply for other jobs because you believe you have become less capable. This is useful data your body gives you.

What to Do Next

Begin with documentation: Write down specific incidents, including dates, people involved, what happened, and any follow-up. Save relevant emails, messages, performance reviews, and policy documents where legally and ethically appropriate on a device not owned/administered by your workplace.

Next, test the situation with a calm question: “I want to make sure I understand the expectations. Can we confirm the priority, deadline, and what success will look like?”

When addressing repeated behavior, you might say: “I notice this has happened several times. I’d like to discuss the impact it’s having on my work and what we can change going forward.”

Then watch the response: A healthy organization may not solve the problem immediately, but someone will usually listen, clarify, investigate, or take responsibility. A toxic organization often denies the pattern, blames you for noticing it, or makes the situation worse.

Finally, imagine that nothing changes for another year: How does that feel? Ordinary frustration may feel manageable. Persistent dread deserves your attention. You do not need to quit tomorrow. You do need to stop dismissing what you are experiencing. Strengthen your professional network, update your resume, review your finances, and learn what options are available. Clarity gives you choices. Exhaustion takes them away.

How do you decide when it’s time to leave a toxic workplace? Please share in the comments.

Frustrating or Fatal?

I’ve been listening to conversations where people are wondering if their workplaces are toxic. If you’re wondering too, please join this discussion in the comments.

Every workplace has frustrating days. A project falls apart. Your manager changes direction halfway through the strategic plan. A client schedules a meeting that could have been an email, then turns the email into a spreadsheet. Annoying? Absolutely. Toxic? Maybe not.

A workplace becomes toxic when harmful behavior is integrated into how the organization operates. The behavior repeats. People expect it. Leaders ignore it, reward it, or protect the people responsible for it. The label “toxic” may come immediately to mind at the end of a tough day. But a workplace can be demanding, disorganized, understaffed, or poorly managed without being toxic. Here are some questions I’ve learned that you can ask yourself to process what you’re experiencing.

Are You Afraid to Speak Honestly?

In a healthy workplace, you can raise a concern without spending the rest of the day wondering whether you just ruined your career. In a toxic workplace, people learn to stay quiet. You may notice your coworkers avoid asking questions during meetings. Maybe your manager softens bad news before reporting to leadership. Perhaps team members agree publicly, then complain privately because disagreement feels risky. For example, let’s say your manager proposes an unrealistic deadline. You explain the work will require two additional weeks. Instead of discussing resources or priorities, your manager calls you lazy in front of the team. One incident may be a fluke. A pattern teaches everyone a lesson: honesty comes with consequences.

Do Expectations Keep Moving?

Work involves changing priorities: Clients revise requests, leaders respond to new information, projects evolve. The problem begins when expectations change without clear communication, then the team is blamed for failing to meet the revised standard. For example, maybe you’re instructed to focus on quality and later you’re criticized for working too slowly. The following week, speed is the priority but mistakes are cited as evidence you’re careless. You can’t win when the definition of success changes after the work is finished. Pay attention to whether leaders clarify tradeoffs. When everything is urgent, perfect, strategic, and completed by Friday, the issue is probably not your time management.

Does Bad Behavior Get Rebranded as Talent?

Some workplaces tolerate bullying because the person responsible produces valued results. For example, a director interrupts colleagues, insults junior staff, or spreads gossip. Leadership shrugs and says, “That’s just how he is,” or “He has high standards.” Translation: the organization has decided that other people should absorb the cost of this person’s behavior. Results matter. So does the way those results are achieved. A talented employee who creates fear, confusion, and turnover is creating additional work for everyone else.

Is Overwork a Loyalty Test?

Busy periods happen. Product launches, audits, deadlines, and staffing gaps can require extra effort. Toxicity happens when overwork becomes standard operating procedure. For example, you’re expected to answer emails at night. Vacations are unapologetically interrupted. Sick days are treated as inconveniences. The team keeps losing people, but leaders continue assigning the same amount of work to fewer employees. Eventually, exhaustion is considered evidence of commitment. Ask yourself: Is the workload temporary and acknowledged? Are leaders adjusting priorities, adding support, or removing lower-value work? Or are they praising resilience while quietly ignoring burnout?

Questions to Ask Yourself

Does the harmful behavior happen repeatedly?
Does it affect multiple people?
Are employees mocked or sidelined for raising concerns?
Do leaders know what is happening?
Have leaders had opportunities to respond?
Do the same problems keep popping up and swept under the rug?
Is your health, confidence, or personal life being adversely affected?

The more yes answers, the more seriously you should take your situation.

What signs of a toxic workplace have you observed? Please share in the comments.

Comfortably Uncomfortable

Maybe you’re the one who sees the risk or spots the opportunity, but you also have no direct reports and no budget. You are expected to lead, but you don’t have authority and you’re trying to make sense of the situation yourself. The struggle is real. Leadership gets uncomfortable fast when you’re responsible for influence but don’t have formal authority.

Welcome to Paradox

You can work for a nonprofit because you care about the mission and still want to earn more money. You can invest in a certification that will help your career next year while your current manager needs you focused on this quarter’s deadlines. You can believe a project needs more discussion while your team wants a decision by Friday.

Not every tension is a problem that has to be eliminated. Some tensions need to be managed instead. Your goal is to see the trade-offs and choose deliberately. For example, you want to take a course that will improve your skills, but your workload is heavy. Instead of quietly abandoning the idea, maybe you make a smaller commitment: one hour every Thursday for six weeks, paired with a work project where you can apply what you learn. Let’s say your team is testing an AI tool to automate client reports. You could use this as a reason to take a course in AI. Because of your upskilling, you notice the AI tool your organization chose cuts drafting time, but it occasionally changes the meaning of source material. You cannot approve or ban the software. But now you know how to document the errors, propose a review step, and show your coworkers how to verify the output before using it. That is leadership without authority. You turned uncertainty into a process people can use. Yay you!

Vision + Systems = Transformation

You can be a transformative leader from any position in your organization. Transformative leadership requires two kinds of work. First, you have to help your team see what is possible. Cast a vision that gives the people in your circle of influence a reason to care. Gently remind them that their choices matter and point out how their work impacts both people and outcomes.

Then build the systems to make progress repeatable. For example, let’s say your team is tasked with improving how new employees are onboarded. You could email everyone an inspiring message about creating a more welcoming workplace. That will get everyone excited for about a week. The transformation happens when you also create a plan that’s easy for the team to follow. Give them a checklist, assign owners, set deadlines, ask for feedback, and revise the process after each new hire. Is this more work for you? Initially, yes. The benefit of this investment is in the long-term. You are laying a foundation of trust so that every other future project moves faster.

Leading Through Uncertainty

Choose clarity over false confidence. Start by naming the uncertainty. For example, you could say, “We don’t have all the information yet, but here is what we do know and here is what we need to decide right now.” Clarity builds trust. False confidence does not. Next, make the smallest useful move. Run a pilot. Draft a one-page process. Ask for feedback from the people closest to the work. A small test will teach you more than debating multiple possible outcomes will. Give people meaningful choices. Instead of announcing, Here is the new process, ask, “Which part of this process creates the most frustration, and what change would make it easier to use?” Finally, connect ideas to execution. Every conversation should produce an owner, a next step, or a decision date. Otherwise, you have just hosted a lovely meeting about future meetings.

Practice the Paradox

This week, choose one uncertain situation at work.

Write down what you know, what remains unclear, and what decision cannot wait. Identify one person you can influence, one low-risk action you can take, and one simple system that could make the work easier to repeat.

You don’t need a title to reduce confusion. You don’t need formal authority to create momentum. You do need the courage to admit the answer is incomplete. Uncertainty will not end. You might as well use the difficulties to grow your leadership skills.

How do you lead when you do not have formal authority? Please share in the comments.

Status Symbol

A short time ago in a workplace not far away…

Status used to look like perpetual availability. If you were quick to respond, always in the loop, and constantly juggling, you looked important. Now the flex is having the luxury to do one task at a time and still deliver. That signals you can protect your focus, make hard decisions, and get projects over the finish line all without drama. It also quietly exudes confidence. Either you trust yourself to step away from the noise, or your team trusts you enough to let you. Ideally, it’s both.

The Hidden Tax

Every time you switch tasks, you lose your place. Bookmarking your work helps you remember where you stopped, but when you return to it you burn energy recalling context. The interruption makes it more likely you’ll make small mistakes that create rework later. In a Slack-heavy culture, the restart cost adds up pretty quick. Your day becomes a series of half-starts. Deep work gets pushed to later. Later turns into after hours. Monotasking interrupts that pattern. It replaces constant restarting with steady finishing.

Monotasking in Real Life

Monotasking doesn’t eliminate juggling. But setting expectations on when you are available to pause your work and communicating those expectations does allow you to justify protecting your focus time. Here are a couple of examples.

Scenario 1: Writing something that requires brainpower

Maybe it’s a proposal, a sensitive client email, or a performance review. Stopping to address multiple interruptions can make this take all day.

Before you begin the task, block one focus session on your calendar, close Slack during that block, and post this message before you start: I am in a focus block until 11:00am. I will check Slack right after. If something is urgent, please tag me and include the deadline.

Scenario 2: Customer Fires

Uncontained, they expand to fill your day.

When the notification/call/email/text comes in, set a timebox for the fire, make the next step visible before you return to focus work, and post this message in the channel: I am taking point on this until 2:15pm. At 2:15pm I will post status, owner, next step, and next update time.

Socially Safe Scripts

Monotasking can feel risky because you don’t want to look unhelpful and you don’t want to be the person who disappears when the team needs you. Try communication that is short and predictable. Here are some script suggestions:

When you need to focus: I am heads down on the slide deck until 3:00pm. The rough draft will be in the folder by then. I will respond to messages at 3:15pm.

When you get a quick-question request: I can take a look today. I have 20 minutes at 4:00pm. If it needs more time, we should schedule it.

When someone pings you mid-focus: I see this. I am in a focus block until 11:00am. If the deadline is earlier than that, please let me know and I will adjust.

Monotasking Makeover

Try this for one week.

Step 1: Choose one priority output per day
Pick the one thing that would make today feel successful. Write it down where you can see it.

Step 2: Create one focus block
Even 45 minutes counts. Put it on your calendar. Treat it like you would a 1:1.

Step 3: Use message windows
Pick two check-in times for Slack and email during the day. Outside those times, keep notifications off.

Build Better Relationships

Monotasking can improve team dynamics as well as personal productivity. It helps you respond with clearer answers, reduce back-and-forth communication, and deliver when you said you would. That builds trust and business moves at the speed of trust. Monotasking also prevents resentment. When you’re trying to do everything, everywhere, all at once, you often pay for it later with rushed work, late nights, and a shorter fuse. You become frustrated and impatient. (No? Just me? Okay.)

Reality Check

Even with monotasking, some days will be chaos because you can’t avoid every interruption. On those days you will choose responsiveness because it is the right call. The goal is to make focus normal enough that finishing your tasks becomes predictable.

Try This

Pick two days. On each day:

Schedule one 45-minute focus block, decide your one priority output before the block starts, and post a simple status message that tells people when you will respond.
At the end of the block, send a quick update: Done with the draft. Next step is review. I will be back in Slack at 2:30pm.
If you do this twice, you will notice your brain feels quieter during the day. Your work feels more complete. Your evening feels less like a second shift.

Monotasking is a power move because it tells the world you can do what most people cannot: choose, focus, and deliver.

How do you protect your boundaries around monotasking? Please share in the comments.

Did you enjoy this? I help organizations and individuals make better decisions about their time, energy, attention, and money through keynote presentations, workshops, and consulting. If you want to explore working together, message me.

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The Competition

You opened LinkedIn for a minute. You scroll across a former coworker’s promotion announcement. Then you pause when you see an old classmate just earned their MBA. Then you’re faced with a photo of your work rival fist bumping a client you’re both pursuing. Now it’s 30 minutes later and your blood pressure is high before you even open your email.

Comparison pretends to be your friend. It whispers, “I’m just trying to help you.”But instead of bringing insight, it brings anxiety. Comparison appears responsible. You benchmark your output against a coworker’s. You measure your career timeline against a peer’s. You wonder why someone else seems to answer every message faster than you, lead every meeting better than you, and somehow still look hydrated while doing it.

When you compare yourself to other people you are measuring your behind-the-scenes against someone else’s carefully edited highlight reel. You see their promotion, not the two years of messy projects that led to it. You see their polished presentation, not the draft they hated yesterday. You see their confidence, not the Slack message they rewrote six times before sending it. You aren’t seeing all the data. You wouldn’t make a decision with incomplete data. So why are you judging yourself with it?

Notice Instead of Measure

You’re wise to notice what others are doing. You can spot trends, sharpen your skills, and make better choices. Be aware of the difference between learning from others and using them as proof that you’re behind. For example, when a colleague finishes a project faster than you, is your first thought you’re too slow? Maybe their project had fewer stakeholders. Maybe they reused a template. Maybe they worked late three nights in a row and now their brain is running on coffee and vending machine candy bars.

A better thought is, “Where is the bottleneck in my process?” When comparison starts whispering, engage your continuous improvement mindset to control it. If your coworker is great at running meetings, observe their system. Do they send agendas ahead of time? Do they name decisions clearly? Do they end with assigned task owners? Borrow the useful parts.

You can continuously improve without turning every interaction into a silent competition. Improvement asks, “How can I get better?” Comparison asks, “Why am I not them?” The former builds skill. The latter drains your battery.

Choose Who Counts

Have you heard someone say they don’t care what people think? Was that someone me? Did you think, “She’s adorable. And lying.” (You were right on both counts. Thank you. <blushing>) I stopped saying that when I realized I should probably care what the person who signs my paycheck thinks. It’s appropriate to care what certain people think. Your manager, your partner, your bestie, your dog, obviously. I can tell you being judged by a labradoodle is not fun.

Feedback matters, but not all feedback deserves the same weight. Your frenemy who makes snide comments in meetings does not get the same vote as the manager who understands your goals. The stranger online announcing their 5 a.m. productivity routine doesn’t get to define your worth. The influencer who posts like sleep is a character flaw can go enjoy their green smoothie in peace. Namaste away from me, please.

Your trusted circle should include people who care about your growth and understand the context of your life. They have earned the right to tell you the truth in love.

What do you do to stop comparing yourself to others? Please share in the comments.

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The Shift

A potential client reaches out asking for help. A strategy. A campaign. A report. A process fix. A training. A dashboard. A deliverable with a deadline and a budget attached. Easy-peasey-lemon-squeezy.

Then the first conversation happens, and you realize the project is only a symptom. The real pain is buried several levels down. Not only do they want the presentation cleaned up, they also want you to make them feel confident before they walk into a tense leadership meeting. Not only do they want the process documented, they also want you to give them relief from the daily chaos of nobody knowing who owns what. Not only do they want the stakeholder update drafted, they also want your help saying the quiet part out loud without setting all the relationships on fire.

This is your work now.

Clients are not impressed by someone who takes the order, completes the task, sends the invoice, and dissolves like a productivity ghost. They want someone who can help them understand their pain, name the cause, and pull them out of the hole without making them feel ridiculous for falling into it.

Why You Feel Shaky

It looks good on paper. Someone has a problem. You provide a solution. Money changes hands. Everyone moves on. That model works when the problem is obvious and the stakes are low. But most work is full of chaos. Projects cross departments. Approvals stall. Tools change. Priorities shift during meetings that should have been emails. Clients often come to you with symptoms because they have not had the time, mental space, or emotional bandwidth to diagnose the cause. That creates uncertainty. And uncertainty makes people look for more than competence. They want consistency. Being good at the task gets you considered. Being good at the relationship gets you fondly remembered.

It’s Not Therapy

This doesn’t mean you become the client’s unpaid therapist, emergency contact, or human stress ball. Please do not build a career around absorbing everyone’s panic. You’ll likely end up resentful and with a chronic eye twitch. Please do bring care and clarity to your work.

For example, listen closely enough to understand what is actually happening. Ask better questions. Notice when the client is solving the wrong problem. Communicate early instead of waiting until the final deliverable lands with a resounding thud. A transactional provider says the project is delayed because feedback came late. A relational provider says the delayed feedback may be a symptom of unclear approval ownership, and then helps the client fix the workflow before the next milestone. A transactional provider hears the client say the draft is not right and immediately starts revising. A relational provider slows down long enough to ask what changed, who needs to weigh in, and what outcome the work now needs to support. Loyalty forms when you are useful to the client while they are under pressure.

You Saw This Coming

This is why power skills matter. (If you know me, you knew I was going to type that.)

Empathy helps you hear what is being said and what is not being said. And what is not being said is what the client is protecting.
Communication helps you turn vague tension into clear next steps.
Self-awareness keeps you from reacting defensively when a client is frustrated.
Reflection helps you spot patterns instead of treating every conflict like a brand-new disaster with better lighting.
Adaptability lets you adjust the plan without abandoning the goal.

These skills are often called soft, which is adorable and wildly inaccurate. There is nothing soft about staying calm when a client is anxious, asking the question nobody wants to ask, or translating a messy situation into a practical path forward. Power skills are what turn your work from a commodity into a relationship.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

For the extended article including What This Looks Like in Reality, A Quick Client Relationship Audit, and A Script You Can Use This Week, sent right to your inbox, subscribe to my Substack.

How do you stay emotionally present for your clients through their mess? Please share in the comments.

Your Q2 Check In

Last week we did a bit of a refresher on emotional intelligence. I promised you questions, asked for suggestions, and you came through. Thank you! Here are some things our Is It Worth Your T.E.A.M.? community is pondering at the end of Q2 2026.

Your Private Q2 Reflection

These questions will affect what projects you accept, what boundaries you set, what relationships you invest in, and what habits you stop pretending are harmless. Set aside 20 minutes. No multitasking. Your brain deserves a private meeting with the rest of your body. Ask yourself:

Where are you right now in the context of your ambition for your life?
Where do you think you are going?
Will the road you’re currently on take you where you want to go?
How do you picture your life in 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?
What do you want your legacy to be?

When Q2 Gave You Obstacles

Setbacks are not fun, but they produce opportunities. I try to remember to say to myself, “Use the difficulty,” as I figuratively stand up and dust myself off after I get knocked down. This helps me reframe a setback as a push forward.

Setbacks give you a chance to gain perspective. For example, maybe you didn’t get the promotion you expected in Q2. This is your chance to both grieve and hope. You can be disappointed and ambitious at the same time. You can admit something hurt and still choose your next move. While working through the pain, ask yourself:

Was your work not visible enough?
Were your relationships not as strong as you thought?
What can you do in Q3 to increase your chances of getting the promotion in the next round?

Obstacles give you a chance to rest. Sometimes the next right step is not another sprint. Sometimes it’s recovery, so your next decision comes from a fully-charged mental battery instead of from low power mode. Ask yourself:

How many times in the last three months did I make a decision when I was worn out?
What was the impact of those decisions?
Could I have taken a beat before making them?
Would the outcome have been more positive if I had?
What will I do the next time I’m worn out and facing an important decision?

What to do with Q2

Now that you’ve reflected, what should you do with all this data? Choose one emotional intelligence skill for Q3. Not five. One. For example, you could practice emotional self-awareness by naming your feelings before responding. Or practice adaptability by identifying two options when plans change. Maybe practice empathy by asking one better question before offering advice.

Which emotional intelligence skill are you working on in Q3? Please share in the comments.

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EQ Review

Are you using your emotional intelligence to help you become who you want to be? Not who your manager needs you to be. Not who your calendar bullies you to be. Who you want to be. The end of Q2 is a good time to find out.

Halfway through the year, it’s tempting to measure progress only by obvious markers like projects completed, goals hit, revenue generated, or costs saved. But your real progress is revealed in how you respond under pressure, how you recover from setbacks, how you influence people, and how you keep moving toward a life you want.

Why You Need EQ

We talk all the time about Power Skills like empathy, communication, conflict resolution, perspective-taking, etc. These are the human skills that help you stay relevant as AI changes work. AI can organize your schedule, analyze data, and automate workflows, but it cannot fully understand team tension, coach a discouraged coworker, repair trust, or decide how a choice will affect people. That’s where your emotional intelligence does what technology can’t. (Yet.)

It Takes Two

Emotional intelligence includes two big categories: Self-Mastery (how you lead yourself) and Relationship Mastery (how you lead with and through others). You need both. For example, if you are brilliant but impossible to work with and if you are kind but constantly overwhelmed neither of these are sustainable.

How Are You Leading Yourself?

Self-Mastery includes self-awareness and self-management.

Self-awareness starts with your ability to notice what you feel, name it accurately, and understand how it affects your performance. Daniel Goleman’s emotional intelligence model defines emotional self-awareness as understanding your emotions and their effects on your performance. For example, at work, maybe you think: “I’m not actually angry about this project. I’m anxious because the deadline is unclear.” That distinction matters. Anger may make you fire off a spicy Slack message. Anxiety may tell you to ask for clarification. One creates relationship repairs. The other creates momentum.

Self-management is what you do next. It includes goal setting, adaptability, emotional self-control, and positivity.

Goal setting is your drive to achieve, stay focused on what matters, and pursue growth with persistence and purpose. Ask yourself: Am I working hard on what actually matters, or am I just being aggressively busy?

Adaptability is your capacity to adjust when the plan changes. And because work loves plot twists, you probably get a lot of practice at this. For example, the client changes direction. Leadership shifts priorities. Your favorite coworker leaves. Ask yourself: This is not what I expected, but how can I respond wisely?

Emotional self-control is choosing to not allow your most dramatic feeling to drive your thinking. It’s taking a breath before replying. It’s waiting until you have facts before assuming sabotage. Very mature. Very annoying. Very effective. Ask yourself: Is the email reply I’m about to type going to escalate this tension or diffuse it?

Positivity is the disciplined choice to look for possibility without denying reality. Think the Stockdale Paradox. If Q2 did not go as planned, ask yourself: What can I still build from here for Q3?

For the extended article including Relationship Mastery: How Are You Showing Up With Others? sent right to your inbox, subscribe to my Substack.

Heads up! Get your favorite journal (hard copy or app) ready. Next week I’ll give you more reflection questions to ponder. What questions would you like to include? Please share in the comments.