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It’s Good to Have Hope

I’m hearing a lot of “Good riddance 2020,” as if at the stroke of midnight on Friday our current situation will magically vanish. Pretty to think so, but I reckon at 12:01AM on January 1, 2021, we’ll still be facing a global pandemic, social unrest, political infighting, an economic crisis, and murder hornets. Maybe I’m just a pessimist. You’ve probably attended more than one meeting where someone started a sentence with, “Hindsight being 20-20…” We’re rapidly approaching the time when 2020 will literally (and I don’t use that word often) be in hindsight. Instead of wishing it away, let’s decide what we can learn from it. Here is my Top 5 List of Things We Should Remember After 2020.

5. Going Out

Remember those health department ratings we used to ignore at the entrance to our favorite restaurant? We’ll be checking out those hygiene standards the next time we’re allowed to dine in. We’ve learned to make fun out of whatever is handy: board games, YouTube videos, a musical instrument; we should keep doing that. Quarantine squashed FOMO since there was no out to fear missing. We can normalize ditching happy hour in favor of personal development like learning a foreign language.

4. Travel

Remember what flying was like prior to September 11, 2001? Well, here we go again. Some pandemic travel restrictions may be permanent. Plus, CFOs’ eyes are now open to how much money their companies can save using virtual options for meetings, recruitment, and conventions. We can stop stocking up on travel-size toothpaste.

3. School

Remember parent-teacher conferences? Both parents and teachers had to take off work, arrange childcare, and cram months of learning issues into a ten minute meeting. The number of students failing their classes is on the rise since the shift to online learning. We can transition to parent-teacher teleconferences. Engaging in a ten minute 1:1 from wherever we are twice a month has to be more effective for parents, teachers, and students.

2. Work

Remember when essential workers were practically invisible? They taught our children, stocked our grocery shelves, repaired our roads, monitored our health, etc. While their contributions are still front and center, we can do the hard work of figuring out childcare, equal pay for equal work, and affordable healthcare, as a start.

1. Home

Remember when we only cleaned our homes when company was coming over? Now we disinfect every surface, every hand, and every package that enters our abode. While we can probably calm down a bit after mass vaccinations, regular hand-washing for 20 seconds is a good habit to hang on to.

2020 reminded us to slow down, buy from local small businesses, and everyone reacts to stress differently. For me, the hard lesson of 2020 is: It’s okay not to be okay. While it gives me opportunity to be strong when others are weak, I discovered it’s difficult for me to invite help when I’m weak. Let’s not be the guy who thinks he can control the uncontrollable. Someone needs to be vulnerable and admit he’s struggling. In 2021, let’s be him. Let’s be that guy.

What are some lessons you want to take with you when 2020 ends? Please share in the comments section.

Meeting Manners

Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels

Finding and maintaining business relationships is so important it has its own word: networking. Pre-COVID-19, the default technique was in person, in a group, with snacks. Meeting people powers business. We get together to build trust, show respect, demonstrate commitment, and form long term relationships. When we connected with someone, we’d further the conversation at a later date, either at one of our offices or restaurant.

When instructed to shelter at home, we immediately virtualized it, but now we’re dipping our toes back into the networking and 1:1 meeting ponds. It’s not unusual to run from a teleconference in my home office to a 1:1 at a coffee shop.

This transition is exhausting, but it helps when I remember guidelines for COVID-19 change daily for the entire world. We can’t realistically absorb all the available information, and no one has all the answers. We can have patience, extend grace, and be prepared to pivot. For example, when setting an appointment we acknowledge we’d rather meet in person, but offering a teleconference as a back up is currently the best practice.

We could just talk on the phone. (Remember when talking to someone was the only thing we did with phones?) I had a couple of 1:1 calls recently and they were refreshing! Eliminating the sense of sight allowed me to concentrate on the person’s voice and take notes. I didn’t have to wonder if I was using enough non-verbals to show I was paying attention. I had to remind myself to respond with verbal cues (e.g.,“uh-huh,” “yes,” “tell me more,” etc.) so the speaker would know I was listening. It was a great communication exercise.

When we meet face to face, it’s prudent to call the venue ahead and ask if they allow indoor seating yet. If they have outdoor seating, that’s even better, but requires the weather to cooperate. We should move our chairs six feet apart. If we purchase drinks or food, we should pay with our credit/debit card. We should wear a mask, carry hand sanitizer, not shake hands (and maybe comment on it; e.g., “I hope someone comes up with a substitution for handshaking soon.”) We should take our temperatures before leaving the house (and tell our 1:1s upon arrival). We should be prepared for cancellations as COVID-19 conditions daily change.

Now that we’ve had over three months experience with teleconferencing, here is something I’ve found useful. Begin the meeting at five minutes after the hour or half hour and end five minutes before the hour or half hour. Odds are the person meeting with me is coming from an earlier meeting, and/or has another one after ours. Giving them five minutes to transition demonstrates consideration for their schedule.

Respect is the key, both giving it and requesting it. When choosing whether to meet in person or virtually, it’s fair to say, “I’d rather teleconference. My family is taking social distancing very seriously.” We should also not be surprised to hear that sentence from the person we intend to meet. COVID-19 is turning into a marathon rather than a sprint. Minding our meeting manners is a small way we can help each other to the finish line.

Are the majority of your meetings still virtual? Please tell us about them in the comments section.

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

Sheltering at home has made me lose all track of time. COVID-19 didn’t take my job, so working from home means I’m always at work. I stress over emails. Do I ignore them outside regular office hours? Do I answer them because I’m bored? If I reply, does that set a precedent to answer email 24/7 when this is over? Where are my boundaries? I’m struggling with distraction, overthinking, and TMI. Do you feel the same? Here are some things we can do to exercise a bit of control over our time.

The Obvious

We know what we should do, let’s just do it. Make a new routine. Get dressed. (Slippers? Yes. Day time pajamas? No.) Eat healthy. Move our bodies. Start work at the same time every day. Connect with our teams. (And not just about work; how are they coping emotionally?) Take breaks (suggestions: listen to a podcast, walk the dog, study with the kids). Quit at the same time every day. Don’t work seven days a week.

Encourage

Until in-person networking events resume, we can spend more time on LinkedIn. Let’s wish someone a happy birthday, like an article a connection posted, thank those in healthcare, grocery, and other essential critical infrastructure for their hard work. I’m concentrating on both cheer leading for my connections and amplifying those looking for work.

Practice the Tech

We have to learn how to teleconference, decipher how our kids’ elearning platform works, figure out how much bandwidth we need, and which entertainment streaming services to use. It’s okay to take our time experimenting with features and figuring out what works best. Let’s not beat ourselves up for not being immediate experts on the new technologies all coming at us at once.

Communicate

Everyone who lives in our residences are home ALL. THE. TIME. And everyone is confused. Let’s ask for help. Can we stagger online meetings? Can we claim our own private work/school space? Can we respect a do-not-disturb note on the door when we need to work uninterrupted? Can we tag team supervising online learning? When our spouse has a virtual meeting, can we take the kids outside for recess?

Be Kind

There’s plenty of opportunity right now. We can check on our parents. Ask our neighbor if she needs something from the store before we head out. Video chat with our bestie. Stick a piece of paper on the refrigerator and ask everyone in our home to write one thing they’re grateful for on it everyday. Investigate ways our company can volunteer (e.g., help the local food bank or give blood). Hug the people we live with and stay six feet away from everyone else.

With our normal structure blown up, I think we feel pressured to be productive so we can prove our worth. But I think the source of that pressure may be ourselves. Our employers ask us to use our time wisely and that’s a big enough goal during this pandemic.

What are you doing to take control of your time during isolation? Please share in the comments section.

Time to Tune Out

Have you noticed in meetings there’s at least one team member on her phone, tablet, or laptop the entire time? She could be taking notes, but no one assumes that do we? Hopefully, we make enough eye contact with the client to indicate he has our full attention. If we’re in front of our screens this much at work, how much more are we in front of them outside of work, and how damaging is it?

Break the Binge

Most of us spend more time in front of screens than we realize. On the average, Americans watch over five hours of television a day, and almost four hours on our computers, tablets, and/or smartphones. If we turn them off, we can buy ourselves a huge chunk of our day back and maybe our relationships too. Can we really concentrate on the story our partners or kids are telling us if we’re distracted by the puppy video we just scrolled to on Instagram? With all that time we could read a book on personal development, walk the dog, or have coffee with a friend.

CVS is a Not Just a Drug Store

Computer Vision Syndrome (CVS) can happen when we spend hours looking at a computer or phone screen. When we use a computer at work, then go home and check our social media, that’s a lot of time exposed to screens. Do you use the 20-20-20 rule?

Couch Potato Chip

If we’re binge watching Netflix or spending the evening gaming after work, then we’re probably sitting still. If we aren’t moving around, we’re not burning calories or stretching our muscles, and we’re likely snacking. We’re not deeply connecting with people, but instead seriously considering feeding the Trolls. More good reasons to use the phone to either call a friend or play music while on the stationary bike instead of using it to cruise Twitter.

Put it Down and Walk Away

Here are the Mayo Clinic’s suggestions to help us put our devices away.

Here are mine:

Turn off notifications – If someone needs to get ahold of me in an emergency, they’re going to either text or call; not Facebook messenger me. Getting distracted by notifications on my phone throws me out of my flow while working. It takes so much time to recover, it’s not worth knowing which friends just added to their stories. Eliminating this distraction helps me be more productive and get things done then give my full attention to my friends Facebook stories at a more appropriate time.

Get rid of cable – My husband and I spent so many nights looking for (and failing to find) something to watch on our 189 cable television stations that when we moved three years ago, we didn’t bother subscribing to cable. We’ve found plenty to watch with an antenna and streaming services.

How do you convince yourself to step away from the screen? Please share your suggestions in the comments section.

Balancing Act

During a conference I attended last week, we did a networking exercise similar to the Reciprocity Ring Adam Grant uses in his classes at Wharton. Most of us requested referrals, but one woman asked for tips on work-life balance. I admired her courage. We usually act like we either have it all together or wear burnout like a badge of honor. I promised to do some research. Here’s what I found.

Contributing Factors to Work-life Imbalance:

1. Household Chores

Women do more household chores than men no matter what their age, income level, workforce responsibilities, or if there are children to parent. If you’re tired of carrying the bulk of the homework, talk to your partner about traditional gender roles and work out a fair division of labor.

2. Working Remotely

If you don’t have to be on-site to do your job, working from home allows flexibility but also usually means working longer and odd hours and sets the expectation from your boss that it’s acceptable. American wages are about the same today as they were 40 years ago. Technology has produced knowledge workers, but businesses have yet to figure out how to measure their productivity. We’re still measuring it by hours on time sheets and presence in the office. So if you work remotely, you feel you have to be connected 24/7 to demonstrate productivity.

3. Your Mate’s Schedule

Women partnered to men who work long hours (50 or more per week) have significantly higher perceived stress and significantly lower work-life balance than women partnered to men who work a normal full-time week (35–49 hours).

Possible Solutions:

1. Flip the Script

Stop thinking of work as negative and home as positive. There’s nothing wrong with loving your job. It’s just that too much of a good thing still causes burnout. Alternate work schedules are becoming more common. Can you choose a schedule that allows you to balance home and work? You have to set and protect boundaries, but you would control them.

2. Embrace the Imbalance

Using time-saving hacks aren’t working any more. Imbalance is a challenge for a household where both people have jobs and no one has the exclusive responsibility to manage the home. Give each other some grace. Communicate when you have an impending work deadline signaling that your chores at home will have to wait. On the other hand, let your colleague know you will answer his email after you get home from your daughter’s basketball game.

3. Leadership

If the organization’s leaders don’t practice work-life balance, e.g., emailing at 9:00PM, calling into meetings from vacation, etc., then employees will follow suit because it shows dedication and may lead to promotion. Managers should model the behavior the company wants cultivated. Supervisors should take a lunch hour, go on vacation, and leave the office for the day at a reasonable hour. Then they should talk openly about doing all those things with their teams and encourage them to do the same.

How do you balance work with your personal life? Please share your story in the comments section below.

Full Belly, Empty Wallet?

We’ve talked about saving money at the grocery. Now let’s tackle eating out. Americans spend about $3008 a year eating at restaurants. Talk about treat yo self. One of the fastest ways to save money is to stop going to restaurants. Since that’s not going to happen, here are three ways to save.

Skip the Drinks: Skip soft drinks and alcohol and drink water instead. For sanitation purposes, I’d avoid ordering it with a lemon wedge, but don’t get me started on restaurant cleanliness. Restaurants make a tidy profit from your drink order because most mark it up 10-45%. Water is free and better for your body.

Work the System: Eat at restaurants that have dollar menus or order from the kids’ menu if the restaurant doesn’t have age restrictions on it. Plenty of restaurants serve huge portions (I’m looking at you, Cheesecake Factory). Order something you know you won’t finish; something that won’t get soggy overnight, e.g. order spaghetti and meatballs instead of a Rueben sandwich. Take the rest home to eat for lunch at the office tomorrow. You can save money by either skipping the appetizer or making it your meal. You could also split a meal if you are eating out with someone. E.g., you order eggs and bacon ala carte; he orders an omelette that comes with bacon, hash browns and toast. You eat the hash browns. If you have a choice, eat out at lunch time. A restaurant’s lunch menu is smaller (so are the portions), and consequently cheaper, than their dinner menu. If you have to go out in the evening, you could opt for just dessert, or just appetizers or go to an ice cream parlor or a coffee shop.

Convenience Costs Money: Buying a cup of coffee on the way to the office every day can add up to over $1000 a year. I brew Starbucks at home and actually use 1/3 of generic ground coffee to 2/3 Starbucks to stretch it even further. Your favorite restaurant’s website probably offers to send you ecoupons if you sign up for their mailing list. If you can stand a bunch of ads clogging up your inbox, you could save some cash. Our favorite pizza place puts a coupon in a monthly direct mailer. We only eat there with the coupon. Uber Eats, GrubHub, and DoorDash add up. If you have to have Chipotle, pick it up on your way home from work instead of having it delivered to your door. Skipping the breakfast drive-thru (you can pack your breakfast as well as your lunch) helps your waistline as well as your wallet.

These suggestions require planning, but a little brain power can save you a lot of money. Make eating out a treat, not a habit. When our daughter was little, we went to McDonalds so infrequently that she used to get excited to eat there. Yes. We were THOSE parents.

What do you do to save money on eating out? Please share your tips in the comments section.

Get Some Rest

March feels never ending. It’s 31 days long, we lose an hour thanks to daylight savings time, and there are no holidays to close the office; unless your boss is a BIG March Madness or St. Patrick’s Day fan. March ends Q1, so you might work overtime to reach goal. March means the end of the school year is close, so you may be prepping for graduation or researching summer break childcare options for your little ones. Being busy all the time used to be glamorous, but now we’ve reached the tipping point and exhaustion is not a good look for us. Here’s a novel idea: Get some rest.

Pursue It – Rest doesn’t just happen. We have to go after it. Consider hiring a service to clean your house so after a particularly challenging work week you can spend Saturday morning watching the TV instead of dusting it. Take advantage of your grocery’s at-home delivery occasionally. Hire a sitter for a few hours. These aren’t luxuries. They’re emotionally intelligent ways to manage stress.

Schedule It – Rest allows our minds, bodies, and spirits to refresh, recharge, and repair. We need it at regular intervals and on a perpetual basis. Don’t cancel, postpone, or feel guilty about choosing it over chores or going out. When “My weekend is all booked” memes appear on my social media feeds, I’m reminded to put reading for pleasure on my calendar. Maybe your version of rest is a solo activity like a Sunday morning run. Or maybe it’s a group activity like brunch with squad. Either way, calendar your commitment and keep it.

Respect It – It’s not weak to need to rest; it’s human. Don’t be ashamed to recognize you need it. Prioritizing rest boosts both our creativity and productivity. I get up from my desk about once an hour to stretch, look out my office window to refocus my eyes, and hydrate. My brain solves problems faster when my attention is focused on something other than the problem.

Often, we don’t know how badly we need rest until after we get it. When we feel a little wonky we assume it’s a virus coming on or just the 3:00PM let down so we grab another cup of coffee and keep pushing. For example: For fourteen months I worked a full-time day job and a part-time side gig logging about sixty hours a week. I felt fine. I even had a theme song: “Non-Stop” from Hamilton. My full-time work didn’t suffer so it wasn’t until a couple of months after I left my side gig when I realized how different I felt. I thought clearer. I didn’t need as much caffeine to function. I felt in the moment as opposed to watching myself from outside my body. That’s how I knew I had to give up my side gig, btw. So before you start having out of body experiences too, get some rest!

How do you know it’s time to take a break? Please share in the comments section below.

Dirty Glasses

I can’t tell when my glasses get dirty. At some point, my vision gets clouded and I’m unaware of it. Smudged spectacles give me a false perception of reality. “Wait, that’s not a pile of dirt in the middle of the road, that’s a speck of dust on my glasses!” One minute I’m blissfully ignorant and the next I can see all the stuff coating my lenses: dog nose prints, eye lashes, dried hair spray droplets, etc. I should clean them every day, but I don’t. Just like my lenses collect grit and grime, so does my work life. I let my good habits slide, I ignore my bad ones, I rationalize my lazy behavior, perhaps throw myself a wee pity party, and before I know it, I’m in trouble. So, I have to stop and “clean my glasses.”

When I realize I’ve made a mistake, the first thing I do is figure out how I created this big mess. For example: Recently, I had a bad glucose test result.

Why? I miscalculated the number of carbohydrates in the serving of chicken enchiladas I ate.
How? I talked myself into believing the serving size was safe because I wanted to eat the yummy chicken enchiladas.
Now what? After the pity party, I buckle down. No chicken enchiladas for a while and the next time I make them, omit the tortillas.

I use this same pattern to recover after a mistake at work. For example: I ignored the auto-generated emails from the company’s ERP notifying me of undone tasks because I was pretty sure I did them and documented them, plus the ERP was famous for sending erroneous automated you-have-a-task-awaiting-you emails. I finally got a minute to recheck my documentation against the ignored messages and discovered an error on my part. How did I fix this? I asked myself the chicken enchilada questions:

Q: Why did I make the mistake?A: Overconfidence in my assumptions.
Q: How did I make the mistake? A: Quickly checking my documentation instead of paying attention.
Q: Now what? A: Do the tasks and set up a process for paying closer attention to comparing the tasks to my documentation.

Sometimes I need help cleaning my glasses. My mom says my dad is the best glasses cleaner she knows. Every time I’m at their house, I ask him to clean them. Sometimes at work I need help from someone I trust to be honest with me, in order to help me progress; more an accountability partner than a mentor. For example: A coworker who sees me surfing my social media during the time I’m usually making client calls and asks me about it; and who would appreciate my doing the same for her. Performance reviews are great for preventing long term crashing and burning. But for ensuring I’m on the right track before I talk myself into “eating the enchiladas,” an accountability partner is great for helping me “clean my glasses.”

Do you have an accountability partner at work? Please share how you help each other in the comments below.

Self-Care is a Thing

I recently discovered self-care is actually a thing. I’ve always equated it to “Treat Yo Self”, but I was wrong. It’s an entire sub-industry of wellness and mental health rooted in medicine. (Here is an interesting article on its origins.) Innumerable products can be marketed for self-care: Frappuccino? Sure. Designer handbag? Absolutely. New car? You deserve it! It’s easy to quickly spiral out of control. In theory, self-care is simple (though not necessarily easy): It’s making time to relax and do something you enjoy. But, it’s faster to buy yourself something than to carve out time in your schedule for a bubble bath. You need down time. It helps your brain make new connections between existing ideas, prevents burn out, and keeps you from stress-eating Snickers. We should take care of ourselves, but it becomes a task and that list is already too long. Attempting to decrease our stress increases it instead. Isn’t that counterproductive (and ironic)? Here are five low maintenance self-care ideas. Choose a couple that don’t stress you out.

Rest – Get ruthless with your schedule and prioritize sleep. Do you need to cut back on after-work girls’ nights? Can your partner take the kids to volleyball practice this week? Do you have to attend that Pampered Chef party? When I feel like I’m not following the Golden Rule, I put myself in time-out. I come home from work, put on my jammies, and take an evening to snuggle the dog and watch Jeopardy until I can fall asleep. If that’s 8:00pm, so be it. I ban caffeine, sugar, and social media. The next morning, I’m ready to roll out of bed and get back to the hustle.

Be Good to Yourself – or nobody else will (Shoutout to Journey). What clears your mind? Music? Exercise? Reading? Make wise choices regarding what you allow in your mind as well as your body. Be aware of what you think about yourself and how you talk to yourself. Carefully evaluate negative comments about you and discard opinions that are invalid. Choose what to believe and build yourself up. Don’t let the haters live rent free in your head.

Tune Out – I’m guilty of checking work email on weekends because I lie to myself: “I need to know if Joe Sixpack replied to the message I sent him on Friday.” No, I don’t. So, unless the sky will fall if I don’t check my work inbox, I’m not, and don’t you do it either. Sometimes I set my phone’s timer for fifteen minutes and journal, close my eyes and box breathe, or surf Pinterest for new chicken recipes. Whatever reboots your brain is how you need to spend your T.E.A.M.

Spend Money – I give myself a weekly allowance and save it. When I find something I want, I spend that money and feel zero guilt. Put a few dollars aside to invest in yourself. Go buy a new nail color, get a new workout outfit, or visit your hair stylist. The indulgence doesn’t have to be solitary. Take a friend out for coffee or take your mom to brunch.

Or Not – Self-care doesn’t have to cost money. Walk the dog. Take a nap. Get a book from the library. Watch a concert on YouTube. Sleep in an extra half hour on your day off. Take a vacation day from work. Stay in bed and watch movies. Go for a bike ride. Self-care is about time. It’s about taking a break to rest, recharge, and rejuvenate. Isn’t it about time you took a break? Please share how you manage self-care in the comments section below.

Realistic Resolutions

Every December 26, health clubs, grocery stores, and sports equipment retailers pull out the “New Year, New You!” hooey. First of all, stop pressuring me to make New Year’s resolutions. They’re clichéd and can even be harmful. Who hasn’t resolved to lose weight then used it as an excuse to overeat from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day? (“I can eat whatever I want now because I’m dieting come January 2.”) New Year’s resolutions encourage unreasonably high expectations. If you made one this year, it’s likely you’ve given up on it by now. And second: What’s wrong with the old me? (No comments, please. That was a rhetorical question.) Instead of the stop smoking, quit nail biting, new job January goals, how about resolving to:

Be Grateful – Find something daily to be grateful for by keeping a gratitude journal. Read more about that here. Keep it however you want: real paper, an app on your phone/tablet, whatever medium inspires you to keep coming back to it. I suggest pulling it out for a few minutes at the same time every day to write, doodle, copy and paste, or however you express your gratitude.

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Exercise Your Creativity – Pick up a new hobby: play an instrument, knit, paint, tai-chi, cook, learn a foreign language, goat yoga, Civil War re-enacting, something you’ve never done, but always wanted to do.

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Connect – Stay in touch with friends and/or family. Go beyond liking their Facebook posts. Go to a museum, a movie, or brunch together. Calendar time to check in face to face.

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Practice Kindness – Let people merge onto the highway in front of you, be punctual, don’t participate in office gossip, pay for the order behind you in the Starbuck’s drive-thru line.

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Volunteer – Your church, animal shelter, and women’s center need you. It’s good to be needed. When you help others you reduce your stress, ward off depression, and make friends. I’m not making this up. Here, I Googled it for you.

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Work on You – How about a new hair style? You don’t have to commit to anything, just browse online for the latest trends and see if there’s anything you like. Do you need to change your eating habits? Get a cookbook from the library featuring low fat, low carbohydrates, high vegetables, and high fiber recipes. Does your wardrobe need updating? Go through your closet and donate anything you haven’t worn in two years. (Unless it’s that Def Leppard concert T-shirt you bought at the Hysteria Tour in 1987. Send that to me; please and thank you.) Then take that Christmas bonus and buy yourself a new outfit. Is your resume up to date? Check your contact information, experience, skills, and education sections to ensure they’re current.

Read – (When, when, when was I redundant?!) – If you aren’t a reader, you should be. It’s got all kinds of benefits. Read (LOL) about some here. If you need suggestions on what to read, check out my friend Susan’s 2018 List. She’s a high school English teacher in Atlanta, GA. I’m sure you’ll find something you like.

If you need to make a change, start now. Every day is an opportunity to grow. Forget the resolutions; instead, focus on setting S.M.A.R.T (Specific. Measurable. Achievable. Realistic. Timely) goals for self-improvement. And remember, you don’t have to start any of these now. Your best year ever can start in March if you want it to, but why wait to do something that can make you feel good about yourself?

Please share your thoughts on New Year’s resolutions in the comments section below.