Mental Health – mardihumphreys.com

Sustainable Success

What happens when you compare your job performance to your coworkers’ and you are not flattered by the comparison? You feel like you can’t mess up. Ever. You fight to be #1, and discover how hard it is to stay #1. You stick to the routines that proved successful in the past instead of trying new things which stifles your creativity, experimentation, and innovation. Beating the competition becomes more important to you than your customer’s satisfaction. What can you do to turn things around?

Team of Rivals

It’s normal to see your coworkers’ job performance, notice your manager’s reaction to it, and gauge how you are doing. You feel good when you compare favorably and nervous when you don’t. This habit is probably most obvious, and even formalized, in a company’s sales department where top salespeople are rewarded more than bottom ones creating internal competition among the team. Instead of comparing yourself to colleagues, how about setting incremental goals for yourself? Make them flexible so you can embrace change, be open to new approaches, and bounce back after disappointments. For example, using our sales scenario, if you did not reach your quota last month, would another 10 cold calls a day help you reach it this month? Your capacity to adapt will not only set you apart, but also carry you through inevitable setbacks.

Abundance Over Scarcity

Instead of being threatened by your coworkers’ success, how about using it for motivation? Continuous learning is a cornerstone of professional development and identifies you as a leader. Seek opportunities for upskilling so you stay relevant in your ever-evolving market. Make resilience in the face of adversity one of your goals. Swap your fear of not being good enough for curiosity. For example, analyze the differences between you and a successful coworker to discover capabilities you should obtain. There will be enough opportunities for everyone because you will create them. Factor self-compassion into your goal setting. It will help you maintain a positive mindset and reduce self-criticism. Be kind to yourself by celebrating your achievements, no matter how small.

You Are Your Competition

Instead of focusing on competing with your colleagues, how about shifting your mindset to competing with yourself? Strive to become an expert in your field. Set goals focused on personal growth so you are not only valuable to your organization, but also to your profession. State your goals using phrases that describe process improvement. For example, improve on, get better at, grow in. You want to be better than YOU were yesterday not better than OTHERS are today. Set small, specific, easily-achievable goals to quickly boost your self-confidence. Maintain and refine your learning through regular practice. Whether it’s honing your presentation skills, becoming a more efficient project manager, or perfecting your coding techniques, steady progress helps you retain knowledge and discover new skills to learn next.

Measuring your self-worth by whether or not you meet monthly Key Performance Indicators (KPI) does not set you up for sustainable success. When some variables are not under your control, you can try your best and still fall short of the organization’s goal for you. Align your goals with your values and aspirations, not with external benchmarks or the achievements of your team. It’s surprising how often you meet monthly KPI when you set goals that are personally meaningful to you.

How do you prevent comparing yourself to your coworkers? Please share in the comments.

Beginnerhood

This is part one of four in a series titled: Independently Owned and Operated.

Whether you are upskilling or taking on increased responsibility, your success hinges on tolerating the discomfort of being bad at doing something new long enough to get good at it. How does owning your beginnerhood help you achieve your goals?

Learning a New Skill

Beginnerhood is an unavoidable phase in pursuit of any skill. For example, when you first learn to code, you write the source code, then compile, link, and execute it over and over again until you get the result you want. It doesn’t take long to get both stuck and frustrated. If you remind yourself this phase is temporary, then you realize the discomfort will eventually go away because mastery comes from practice. Don’t shy away from trying new things because you are afraid to fail. Live in the discomfort long enough to learn from it.

Taking on Increased Responsibility

Whether it’s leading a team, handling larger projects, or managing important accounts, initially you will feel uncertain and maybe inadequate. To be successful, be humble. Acknowledge your initial shortcomings and state your desire to learn quickly. You will make mistakes. When they happen, frame them in your mind, and in your status reports, as part of your process for getting better every day. You are expected to stumble. You are also expected to persevere through challenges. You will not immediately have all the answers. Seek input from your teammates. Being vulnerable with them builds trust.

Overnight Success is a Myth

We all want instant gratification, so we think being bad at something is a setback. Expecting instant mastery is not only unrealistic but can also be a significant barrier to your professional development. The temptation to quit shortly after beginning can be strong. Pat yourself on the back every time you take the next step in doing something new. It helps get you through the awkwardness of your early attempts.

The Power of Resilience

Resilience is an underrated power skill. It’s the secret sauce of success. When you get discouraged by missteps, frame each stumble as a valuable lesson. Instead of seeing it as a deficiency, use it as a stepping stone. Bouncing back from initial failures and learning from those mistakes builds the strength you need to overcome future obstacles. Resilience doesn’t come from a string of unbroken successes. It comes from rising after every fall. Normalize setbacks so that you view them as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles.

Cultivating a Growth Mindset

When you use these tools, you cultivate a growth mindset. You believe you can develop your abilities through dedication and hard work. This perspective transforms anxiety into excitement. You welcome challenges because they are opportunities to stretch your abilities and expand your skills. Successful people own their beginnerhood and workplaces can play a pivotal role in encouraging a growth mindset. When you focus on effort, perseverance, and resilience you create an environment where the team feels empowered to tackle new challenges without the fear of being judged.

Are you going through a beginnerhood? How are you handling the discomfort? Please share in the comments.

Your Top 12

Thank you for spending 2023 with me! As we begin a new year together, here are the top three articles in each category: Time, Energy, Attention, and Money (T.E.A.M.), based on the most views.

Time

Energy

Attention

Money

I appreciate you discussing these topics with me in 2023. I hope you found them useful. There are more in store for 2024!

What decisions around time, energy, attention, and money are you facing in the new year? Please share in the comments.

All Your Call

What does self-care mean to you? Is it a spa day? Is it organizing your desk? Is it playing Baldur’s Gate 3? Self-care is intentionally preserving and enhancing your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health and well-being. For you, a spa day may be the perfect self-care ritual. For your work bestie, taking time to declutter their workspace is self-care. For another coworker, choosing their own adventure in a role-playing video game is self-care. What works for you may not resonate with your teammates. Tune into your unique needs and make choices that align with your well-being.

Taking time for self-care can make you feel guilty, but prioritizing your health is not a luxury. It is the foundation of healthy work-life integration. Discovering your unique self-care routine is a process of trial and error. Explore different activities and be open to reassess what truly brings you both joy and balance. Here are some suggestions.

Meditate: Use a guided meditation app, deep-breathing exercise, or find a quiet space and write a 250 word reflection. Taking a few moments each day to practice mindful meditation can help calm your mind, reduce stress, and improve overall mental well-being.

Exercise: Whether it’s going for a walk, attending a fitness class, or practicing yoga, exercise not only promotes physical health and good sleep but also releases endorphins. These are “feel-good” hormones that positively impact your mood. Regular physical activity uses your body to take care of your mind.

Sleep: Speaking of sleep, sufficient and quality sleep is a highly underrated form of self-care. Try to go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every day. Create a comfortable environment by adjusting the room temperature, noise level, amount of light, and all the variables that help you get an adequate amount of rest each night.

Detox: Take a break from the constant influx of information from your digital devices. Put your screens away an hour before bedtime and read a book. Avoid social media for a weekend. A digital detox increases your mental clarity and reduces your stress.

Create: Paint, build a model pirate ship, or play a musical instrument. Whatever your outlet for self-expression and emotional release is, make time for it. Such activities are therapeutic. They allow you to process your emotions and tap into a part of yourself that your work-life responsibilities may not use.

Nourish: Fill your body with high quality fuel. Replace that doughnut with blueberries and low-fat yogurt. Go meatless for one meal a week. Instead of snacking on potato chips, try almonds. Take time to read nutrition labels. When you consume food and drinks that are low in simple carbohydrates and sugar you are literally taking care of yourself.

Connect: Maintain key relationships. You can hang out in-person, videoconference, text, or call. Whatever medium allows you to spend time with the people you love helps you maintain a sense of belonging, support, and emotional fulfillment.

The next time you wonder, “Is this self-care?” remember that you get to make that decision guided by your unique needs, desires, and understanding of what makes you feel well. You may find extra time on your hands this week between Christmas and New Year’s Day. If so, please use it to do something that makes you feel good. Even if that something is nothing at all.

What will you do to take time for yourself this holiday season? Please share in the comments.

The Catch

Here in the technology space there is a lot of murmuring around unlimited Paid Time Off (PTO) as an employment benefit. As of October 1, 2023, 43.16% of job listings in the technology sector offered unlimited PTO. Is it the answer to better work-life integration and increased job satisfaction?

Employers

Productivity: You want to enhance employee well-being, but unlimited PTO inherently carries the risk of abuse. A sudden surge in leave requests can halt delivery on a contract. Traditional PTO policies provide structure for you to manage workloads effectively. With unlimited PTO, how do you both anticipate and mitigate potential gaps in staffing? How does this unpredictability affect project timelines?

Policy: The absence of a clear legal framework can lead to potential disputes with your workforce. The United States does not legally require paid time off for workers, so it is a business expense for companies that offer PTO to employees. Unlimited PTO must have an expiration date so you can budget. Many states expect businesses to pay out earned time off when an employee leaves the organization. In August, CBS News reported that American companies are carrying about $224 billion in liability for employees’ unused PTO. If employees are not earning PTO, then companies do not have to pay them for what they do not use. How will you address employees’ expectations of getting paid for unused unlimited PTO?

Employees

Panic: How do you know how much time off is too much? Last March, Forbes found that employees with unlimited PTO only take 10 days off annually. Why? Fear, too much work to do, and pressure from their managers because of the timing. When employers do not have rules around PTO, every request is a negotiation and instead of a contractual term of employment, time off becomes a moral issue. Can the company afford to pay you to not work? If your manager thinks you take too much time off, does that negatively impact your next promotion?

Peers: You may feel compelled to match your teams’ work habits. But accumulating significant amounts of unused time off can lead to burnout. Do your coworkers grumble about filling in for you? Will you be labeled a slacker if you take extended time off?

Both

Expectations: The goal is to balance the employer’s need for productivity and the employee’s desire for flexibility. Establish transparent guidelines outlining expectations for both individual contributors and managers. Clearly communicate that taking time off is not only acceptable but also encouraged for maintaining healthy boundaries.

Check-In: Schedule regular check-ins to assess workloads, stress levels, and job satisfaction. Encourage open communication between teams and managers to address concerns and prevent burnout.

Train: Equip managers and individual contributors to effectively navigate the challenges of unlimited PTO policies. Help supervisors acquire skills to manage workloads, plan for time-off coverage, and create an environment that values both productivity and employee well-being. Clearly communicate unlimited PTO policies to your workforce.

Adjust: Conduct periodic reviews of the unlimited PTO policy to assess its impact on productivity and employee satisfaction. Employers need to be willing to continuously improve the policy based on employee feedback and changing organizational needs.

While unlimited PTO seems like a perfect solution to work-life integration, it comes with its own set of challenges. Striking the right balance between flexibility and productivity requires thoughtful implementation, clear communication, and a commitment from both employers and employees to make it work.

Does your organization offer unlimited PTO? Please share your experience using it in the comments.

Take the Stage

We talk a lot about mindset because it’s one of the keys to making wise choices. This week, let’s explore “main character energy” mindset. What is it? How can you use it to advance your career?

What It Is

In a play, novel, or movie, the main character is the focal point of the story. Their actions drive the plot forward. Main character energy (MCE) is seeing yourself as the central character in your life’s story. It encourages you to step into your own narrative and acknowledge that your choices and behaviors are instrumental in shaping your future. Here are some key characteristics of MCE.

Self-Aware: Main characters understand their strengths, weaknesses, and values. They use their past experiences as stepping stones for growth.
Proactive: Main characters create opportunities and take calculated risks. They realize setbacks are a part of life and bouncing back is necessary.
Change: Main characters evolve throughout their stories, adapting to new situations and growing from their experiences. They are open to change and embrace it as a chance for continuous improvement.
Purpose-Driven: Main characters have a goal, a mission, or a vision that guides their actions and decisions.
Confident: Main characters believe in themselves and their abilities, even when faced with doubt or criticism.
Accountable: Main characters don’t blame external factors. Instead, they take responsibility for both their behavior and their choices. They own their mistakes, learn from them, and use them to move forward.

How to Use It

Self-Awareness: Reflect on your strengths, weaknesses, and values. Understand what motivates you, what you’re good at, and what you’re passionate about in your career.
Initiative: Don’t wait for opportunities to come to you; create them. Seek out high-visibility projects. Build your skills with trainings that align with your goals.
Purpose: Ask yourself what you want to achieve and why it matters to you. Clarify your purpose and set clear career objectives.
Vision: Just like a main character embarks on a quest, visualize your career journey. Where do you want to be? How can you get there from where you are? Break the path down into achievable milestones.
Challenges: Use the difficulty. Instead of avoiding challenges, embrace them as opportunities to showcase your resilience and problem-solving abilities. Main characters mature throughout the story. Have a positive attitude when adapting to new situations and hold yourself accountable for your decisions and performance..
Self-esteem: When you doubt yourself, pull up your Atta Baby! file and remember your achievements. If you’re struggling, find a career coach.
Network: Main characters often rely on allies and mentors. Connect with people who can support your career journey, provide guidance, and open doors.
Celebrate: Acknowledge and celebrate your career achievements, no matter how small. Main characters draw on these recognitions to keep going.

Your career is a major plot line in your worklife story. Write it according to your vision and goals. Embrace your role as the main character and make your story matter.

How do you portray yourself to yourself in your worklife story? Please share in the comments.

Overthinking is Scary

Mom texted me a photo of a new shirt she bought. The caption on the front says, “Hold on, let me overthink this.” It’s perfect for Halloween. What’s more scary than your imagination?

Overthinking is like overcooking. When you overcook something its quality decreases and it doesn’t taste as good as it would have if you hadn’t overcooked it. As you attempt to make the best decisions and achieve your worklife goals, how do you avoid getting trapped in the web of excessive overthinking? Let’s talk about how to recognize overthinking and ways to stop.

Symptoms

Dwelling on a single situation to the point where it becomes counterproductive
Ruminating on past events
Second-, third, and/or fourth-guessing your choices
Dissecting every possible aspect of a problem
Having trouble focusing on the job at hand
A persistent knot in your stomach and/or a constant low-grade headache
Making decisions, even simple ones, feels overwhelming
Lack of self-confidence
Negative self-image
Questioning the intentions of your coworkers
Perpetually seeking validation from your manager

Strategies

Goals: Having a clear sense of purpose can help you stay focused and reduce the temptation to overthink. What can you do right now to get closer to your objectives? For example, if your goal is to move from inside sales to account management, then befriend an account manager. Some action steps may be identifying a mentor, scheduling an informational interview, and requesting a ride along.
Limits: Allocate a specific amount of time to think about a particular issue then commit to making a decision within that timeframe. This forces you to be more efficient in your thinking.
Mindfulness: Techniques like meditation and box breathing can help you stay grounded, reduce the urge to overanalyze, and help you manage stress.
Reflection: Seeing what you’re thinking helps you redirect your thoughts. When you get the fear out of your head and onto the page, it shrinks.
Feedback: Getting input from trusted teammates or your supervisor regarding complex decisions can provide valuable perspectives and help you make more informed choices. Save this strategy for decisions that will result in having a big impact.
Process: Develop a systematic approach to decision-making. List your options, weigh the pros and cons, and set a deadline for making choices.
Data: You have access to an overwhelming amount of information. Be selective about the data you consume, and avoid endlessly researching a topic.
Move: Physical activity clears your mind and reduces your stress.
Kindness: Instead of berating yourself for overthinking, acknowledge it as a habit you’re working to change. Self-compassion can help you break free from the cycle of self-criticism.

It’s essential to think critically and make informed decisions but excessive analysis erodes your productivity and well-being. Control your thought processes by recognizing the symptoms of overthinking and implementing strategies to overcome it. Balance thoughtful consideration with taking action. Sometimes, the best way to move forward is to simply take that first step without overthinking it.

What do you overthink about at work? Please share in the comments.

A Good Thing

Last week we talked about adjusting our mindsets to use setbacks as pushes forward in the workplace. What could possibly go wrong? Well, too much of a good thing is still too much. If you feel compelled to continually demonstrate your value, even at the expense of your well-being, then you risk falling prey to a performance-prove mindset.

Do you feel an insatiable need for external validation? Do you have a deep-seated fear of failure? Do you make decisions that prioritize immediate success over long-term sustainability? Asking for a friend.

You are constantly under pressure to deliver results, meet targets, and drive success. While setting high standards and striving for excellence is essential, an obsessive need to constantly prove your worth through unrelenting performance hurts you, your team, and your organization. How can you tell if you have a performance-prove mindset? If you have it, how do you change it?

How You Can Tell

Burnout: Do you work long hours, neglect your self-care, ignore signs of stress and/or push through exhaustion? This not only harms your health, but also sets a damaging example for your team. These behaviors signal a burnout culture and toxic work environment.

Rut: Are you solely focused on existing methods and strategies? When is the last time you tried a solution someone on your team suggested? A performance-prove mindset often smothers innovation and creativity within an organization. It can result in failure to adapt to changing market dynamics.

Risk: Are you reluctant to take calculated risks? Are you afraid that any undesired outcome will be perceived as personal inadequacy? Risk aversion stifles your career growth and hinders your company’s ability to seize new opportunities.

Trust: Do you prioritize personal recognition over the well-being of your team? Trust is essential for effective leadership.

Short-Term: Are your decisions mostly about immediate performance metrics? When is the last time you considered how they impact the bigger picture? How often do you pay attention to your company’s reputation, customer trust, and employee satisfaction? Thinking exclusively about short-term goals endangers the sustainability of your business.

Stagnant: Do you regularly set aside time for self-reflection, upskilling, and personal development? Not doing so is an easy way to get in a cycle of proving yourself instead of continuous improvement.

What You Can Do

Focus: Align your actions with your company’s vision and/or mission statement. These touchstones should drive decision making for every employee. Doing so lessens the need for external validation, because you already know what your leaders want.

Delegate: Empower your team to own tasks and decisions. Delegating responsibility not only relieves the burden of constant performance but also fosters trust and development among team members. Remember to champion failure as a learning opportunity rather than a personal setback. Encourage a culture that accepts and learns from undesired outcomes so you can stimulate innovation and growth.

Practice: Notice when it’s happening. Regularly set aside time to reflect on why you do what you do and why you feel how you feel. This may be once a month or once a week or even once a day if the situation warrants. Writing a 250 word reflection can help you see what you think. Recognizing the root causes of your performance-prove mindset is the first step to taming it.

Do you attach your self-worth to your job performance? How are you working to change that? Please share in the comments.

Mindset over Matters

I was watching American Ninja Warrior when one of the ninjas fell off the Las Vegas course. She had gotten really far and it was a heartbreaker. As the ninja pulled herself out of the pool of water that broke her fall, the show’s interviewer approached and asked her how she felt. The ninja said she intended to use this setback as a push forward. Mind. Blown.

We’ve talked about how setbacks are inevitable, and how we should embrace failing fast, forward, and frequently. We’ve discussed how data gathered from perceived failure is crucial to the learning process. But we have not championed the mindset of framing setbacks as pushes forward. When you substitute the words “push forward” for the word “setback” you normalize the occurrence. You remove the shame surrounding it. Relabeling the undesired outcome helps you quickly pivot from crisis mode to troubleshooting. To further illustrate, here are a couple of quotes that crossed my path this week.

“I have learned to always push forward following a setback. As I tell my team (and my kids), ‘There is always a way forward’ even when things do not seem to be going our way. There are always lessons to be learned from mistakes. But at some point, it becomes unproductive and unhelpful to dwell on mistakes for too long — backward-looking thinking must quickly give way to forward-looking action. I have adopted one of the sayings from Peraton’s CEO Stu Shea: ‘Surround the problem.’ When my team hits a setback, we work together to stabilize the situation, understand what occurred, and then identify and mobilize the right people and resources to ‘surround the problem’ and move us forward.”
Jim Winner, Executive Chief Legal Officer and General Counsel at Peraton.

“I was rehearsing a play when I was a very young actor. There was an improvised scene between a husband and wife going on inside. They got carried away and they started throwing things and he threw a chair and it lodged in the doorway and I went to open the door and I’d just got my head round and I said, ‘I’m sorry, sir, I can’t get in.’ He said, ‘What do you mean?’ I said, ‘There’s a chair there.’ He said to me, ‘Use the difficulty.’ I said, ‘What do you mean?’ He said, ‘Well, if it’s a comedy, fall over it. If it’s a drama, pick it up and smash it. Use the difficulty.’ Now, I took that into my own life. You ask my children. Directly anything bad happens, they go, ‘Gotta use the difficulty. What can we get out of this?’ Use the difficulty. There’s never anything so bad that you cannot use that difficulty. If you can use it a quarter of one percent to your advantage, you’re ahead. You didn’t let it get you down. That’s my philosophy. Use the difficulty. Also, added philosophy, avoid them if you can at all costs.”
Sir Michael Caine CBE

The next time you are at work and about to say out loud, “We’ve hit a setback,” stop and think. If you substitute the words “push forward” for the word “setback,” how would it motivate your team to surround the problem and use the difficulty? Please share in the comments.

Unpleasantly Surprised

Have you ever felt like you’re riding a roller coaster without a seatbelt, blindfolded? That’s the sensation the modern work environment often induces, and there’s a term that sums it up perfectly: VUCA. It is an acronym for Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous. Understanding and embracing the concept of VUCA can be the key to surviving in the constantly evolving workplace. Let’s breakdown what a VUCA work environment feels like and how to cope with it.

What it Feels Like

Volatile: Imagine waking up every morning not knowing whether the coffee maker will brew a perfect cup or explode. That’s the essence of volatility in the workplace. When change happens faster than you can say “meeting agenda,” then flexibility becomes a core capability.

Uncertain: Imagine a surprise party that never ends. That’s the essence of uncertainty in the workplace. Will your project get a green light? Will your team be reshuffled? Will the strategy you’ve been working on suddenly take a hard left turn? To thrive in this environment, you’ve got to be the MacGyver of adaptability, ready to craft a solution out of a paperclip and a piece of gum.

Complex: Imagine assembling a toddler’s toy with more parts than a Swiss watch. That’s the essence of complexity in the workplace. Departments intertwine like spaghetti, and understanding the big picture is like deciphering hieroglyphs. To conquer complexity, you’ve got to be Velma Dinkley, seeking out clues and patterns while keeping an eye out for the red herrings that can throw you off track.

Ambiguous: Imagine reading a book with pages missing. That’s the essence of ambiguity in the workplace. Ambiguity requires deciphering meaning from bits and bytes of information gathered from multiple channels. You have to piece together what your team is supposed to accomplish from various sources.

How to Cope

Develop a resilient attitude. As Rocky Balboa says, “…it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward;” You will get mentally knocked down. Train your brain to get up again and again and again.

Embrace continuous learning. In a VUCA world, what you know today will be obsolete tomorrow. You have to learn a skill (for example a computer language), use it, unlearn it, learn the next iteration, rinse and repeat. Acquire new knowledge as circumstances shift.

Foster collaboration. Your team is in the same VUCA environment as you are. Collaborate with your colleagues, share insights, and lean on each other’s strengths to create solutions together. Iron sharpens iron. Diverse perspectives cultivate unconventional approaches to problem solving. This is how breakthroughs happen.

Practice self-care. Amidst the chaos, carve out moments of peace and quiet. Celebrate every incremental step toward your goal. You need to refresh to reduce harmful stress and recharge to make accurate decisions.

Embracing the challenges that a VUCA workplace presents can help you become antifragile. Something that is antifragile not only survives but also thrives from coping with adversity.

How do you navigate working in a VUCA environment? Please share in the comments.