Energy – Page 8 – mardihumphreys.com

We Just Disagree

When you put two or more human beings in a room together, it won’t be long until they find something to disagree about. Throw in a complicated project for a demanding client that takes weeks to deliver and you have a recipe for major conflict to erupt. It’s not a question of if you have conflict with your coworkers, but when. Here are three ways to manage it.

1. Rip off the Band-Aid

Conflict is like a wound. If left untreated, it can get infected and hurt the whole team. Going to the source and clearing the air as soon as you recognize conflict keeps it from spreading. When I feel like a coworker’s vibe toward me is negative, in private, I ask if I’ve unwittingly offended him. Sometimes, I’m the one who feels offended, but I still go to the person I feel has offended me. Often conflict is a result of miscommunication, so the first thing I do is listen to his issue. I try to ignore any emotion either one of us is feeling and concentrate on the words he’s saying. Then I reflect back to him what he said in the form of a question, “You’re stumbling over _____ because _____. Is that right?” If I’ve offended him, I apologize. If he offended me, I forget about blame and I don’t expect an apology. I can’t change his personality, but I can ask him to modify his behavior. If the situation is a misunderstanding, my coworker now knows I’m not afraid of conflict and I’m willing to deal with the source instead of gossiping to the rest of the team.

2. You need to calm down

If a coworker gets angry, talks sarcastically, or raises his voice, I do the opposite. I control my non-verbals: uncross my arms, put on a poker face, and speak in a soft tone. It can feel like an attack, but another person’s opinion of my decision is only his opinion. Just because he’s mad doesn’t mean he’s right. He’s not open to the possibility of being wrong when he’s mad, so I refrain from pointing out flawed logic while he’s venting. Why he feels so strongly about a perceived slight could have absolutely nothing to do with me. A gentle answer turns away wrath.

3. Find the yes

There’s more than one way to bake a cake, everyone wants to do it their own way, and sometimes they are very vocal about it. What I need to find is a solution everyone can live with (not necessarily agree on) so we can have cake; er, I mean, a deliverable. When a discussion gets heated, I throw water on the fire instead of gasoline. I try to find either common ground, something positive they did to further this project, or something we agreed on in the past in order to build a compromise.

Conflict is inevitable. When we learn to perceive it as data to be analyzed and interpreted we can mitigate it more quickly.

Do you have a favorite strategy to manage conflict with your coworkers? Please share your tips in the comment section below.

Summer Slump?

Summer weekends bring more daylight hours, lots of community activities, and plenty of opportunities to get outside and forget about work. It almost feels like a mini-vacation. Then Monday comes. My inbox overflows because something happened on Saturday. A project halts because a coworker is on vacation. Interruptions prevent me from completing anything. Mondays seem more difficult during the summer. Here are some things I do to make them easier.

Saturday: I sleep in thirty minutes later than during the week signaling my body the routine is different today. During the week, I allow stuff to pile up: laundry, bills, personal email, etc., so I tackle the low hanging fruit early in the day. Saturday is the day to grocery shop, clean bathrooms, change bed linens, and food prep. This leaves the rest of the day to relax. Unless a work emergency happens, I don’t think about the office and I don’t check my email.

Sunday: Again, I sleep in thirty minutes later than normal and get stuff done early. I like to do something meaningful like take a walk with my husband to watch the sun rise, watch our church’s service, write a LinkedIn article, or read. I also try to connect with other people by FaceTiming our daughter, texting my parents, or having coffee with a friend. (Some other suggestions: volunteer, ride bikes with nieces/nephews, brunch with friends.) Then, I get a head start on the week. Around 6:30pm I glance at my calendar for the upcoming week and check my work email in case something’s come up affecting one of Monday’s meetings. I don’t reply unless it’s an emergency. The only thing I may do is send myself a reminder note regarding what’s coming up this week and what I need to do to prepare for it. After that, I set out clothes for the next day so I have one less thing to think about on Monday morning. These minor actions eliminate the Sunday Scaries so I can enjoy my last evening before work.

Monday: I get out of bed at my normal work-week time and try to ease re-entry. I get to the office about ninety minutes before my first meeting of the day to set up my work space, get coffee and water, take action on any reminder emails I sent myself yesterday, and check my notes from Friday. As the day progresses, I take short breaks to increase my productivity. During these breaks, I may reward myself by checking social media, but just one platform so I don’t fall down that rabbit hole and lose track of time. I also try to change my scenery. If it’s nice outside, I can walk around the building. Thirty minutes before before the end of the day, I take stock and make to-do lists for tomorrow so that summer Monday feeling doesn’t bleed into Tuesday.

Do summer Mondays seem harder to you too? Please share what you do to combat the summer slump in the comments section.

I’m Freezing

Phone rings

HER: Hello. Widgets R Us. How may I direct your call?
ME: May I speak to your IT Director please?
HER: (suspicious tone) Which one? We have a department full of them.
ME: Uh…the one who does the troubleshooting
HER: (annoyed tone) They all do the troubleshooting. Hang on. I’ll see who’s back there.
ME: Thank you.

37 seconds go by. The music from final Jeopardy plays in my head.

HIM: Widgets R Us, this is Him. How can I help you?
ME: (gives elevator speech in pleasant tone)…Do you have any IT issues we can help you with?
HIM: (heavy sigh) We already have someone who does our IT. (Hangs up)

Well, THAT went well.

My cold call game stinks. Even if I make it past the gate keeper, more often than not, I have to leave a voicemail. We all know it’s a numbers game. In May, I made 22 calls, talked to 7 people, got 2 appointments and 0 jobs. Also in May, I sent 61 emails, got 24 replies, made 6 appointments, and got 3 jobs. Given that data sample I’m wondering, has the cold call been replaced by the cold email?

Pros to cold email:

The message gets right to the decision maker
They can be written and sent anytime 24/7/365
If you are a better writer than speaker, email is more comfortable
If you get a reply, you have time to stop, think, and gather intelligence on the prospect through any number of sources: LinkedIn, Google, the prospect’s website, etc.

There is one big con to cold email: it’s easily ignored. You don’t even know if it was received, much less read; unless you put a read receipt on it and that can annoy your recipient.

When cold emailing, here are some things I do:

Use as few words in the subject line as possible
Open with something or someone in common to start the conversation pleasantly
Write a sentence about a project I’m working on and how it occurred to me that his company might have the same challenge; then ask if he’d like to hear more
Carefully proofread; especially when sending more than six at a time. I look for mismatched information (e.g., Does the email address match the decision maker’s name?)
I incorporate the company’s name in the body of the message so the email is easily found in my sent folder

When I Googled, “What is better cold calling or cold emailing?” I got back a page full of blog posts and most of them suggested doing both; which makes sense to me. Sending a prospect an email gives me an excuse to call her and ask, “Did you have an opportunity to read it? Do you have any questions?”

Is this one-two punch the best option? No. Face to face is. Relationships are best built looking someone in the eye, asking her what her company does, thinking about how what my company does can help her, and brainstorming what we can accomplish together.

Do you have to make cold calls? Do you prefer cold emailing? Have you tracked data on which activity gets you better results? Please share your experience in the comments section.

You do You

Staying positive is hard. If you don’t intentionally protect your mind, you quickly get stuck in a cycle of negative thinking that can prevent you from achieving your goals. People have a habit of building each other up just to tear each other down in order to feel better about ourselves. When the world chips away at your self-esteem, try a couple of these:

“Don’t forget in the darkness what you learned in the light.” – Joseph Bayly – When you’re faced with a choice, you think about what you should do, deliberate with yourself and maybe a trusted colleague, plan how to proceed, and go. Then you hit a rough patch and second guess your decision. Why are you surprised when trouble brews? I have a T-Shirt with the Harry Potter quote, “I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.” Just because you encounter resistance doesn’t mean you chose poorly. Obstacles happen so resist giving up too soon. If you keep putting in the work, revise the plan when new information becomes available, and take a step to further the plan every day, you will eventually reach your goal.

Kick Imposter Syndrome to the curb – When you work hard, you deserve every accolade you receive. Stop listening to the voices telling you you’re not ready for your next career step, especially the ones in your head. Make a list of what you’re good at so you can refer to it when you doubt yourself. Need some ideas? What have your friends/coworkers/managers said you’re good at? If you agree, build your list from those. Use this list to come up with affirmations to tell yourself when you get discouraged. Play to your strengths, get good at them, and ignore the haters. Do your thing because what makes you different from everyone else is actually your super power.

Choose to learn from your critics – Criticism stings. Even if you’re expecting it (e.g., during a performance evaluation) and it’s delivered gently, it’s difficult to take the emotion out of the encounter. When you receive criticism (and you will), ask yourself: Is this person objective? Is her criticism constructive? Does she normally encourage as well as criticize? Does she have something to gain (or lose) by telling me this? Do you know more about the situation than she does? Does someone you trust agree with her assessment? If you deem the criticism as valid, then act on it. If not, then ignore it. If ignoring it isn’t an option, calmly prove your case with facts and figures to back it up. Disagreement with someone is an opportunity to learn from each other.

Sometimes we get grumpy slogging through both our expectations and other people’s expectations of us. To protect your mind:

Know yourself
Acknowledge your values and worldview, and respect those different from yours
Treat others the way you want to be treated
You do you.

How do you keep your mindset positive? Please share your tips in the comments section.

Going Solo

adult-audience-celebration — Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

Thank you for all the tips you gave me after my post on networking solo. Some of them came in handy at events I recently attended. Like finding someone sitting alone who looked as scared as I felt. It worked! It turned out he works at a business for which my company recently subcontracted. This led to using another tip: find something in common to discuss. With the experience of attending a couple more speed dating type events under my belt, a pattern is emerging. Here are some of their common elements:

Gobs of people on their phones
Carbohydrate loaded snacks
People continuously scanning the room for other people they already know
The chair at the end of the row is always claimed first
Booths stocked with swag to lure attendees into conversation
An extrovert working the room like a circus ringmaster (“Register for our mailing list!”)
Opening remarks asking if this is anyone’s first time (not cool to out us newbies, btw)
Presentations that were WAY too busy (Slides with lists and pictures crowding the screen so badly they are exhausting to read)
Speakers who seemed to be fund raising (Sponsoring a hole for your next golf outing will guarantee me revenue. Really?!)
Microphone issues
Dignitaries telling us how great we were, how they appreciated us, and now go forth and connect!
Help desks staffed by knowledgeable and friendly people

One event offered an app with PUSH notifications which came in handy when one of my scheduled meetings cancelled because that’s the only way I knew it was off. Another event had great signage from the moment I pulled into the parking lot. I made the most connections talking to the vendors, eating lunch with other attendees, and talking to other participants waiting in line around me for our turns at the popular exhibition booths.

These events felt like Kindergarten recess. You walk up to the tetherball pole (in this case a booth). You wait for someone to make eye contact, then you say, “Hi! I’m (Your Name Here), what’s your name?” and the game begins. It’s not so painful since a connection is all you’re looking for. You just need someone who will hit the ball back for a few minutes, am I right?

Any more networking tips for me? What about for following up after an event? Please leave your advice in the comments section.

The Blame Game

Ever think about taking shortcuts at work? Sometimes in weekly meetings with my manager I’d think, “It would just be so easy to blame Joe Sixpack and his long smoke breaks for production being down this month.” When in reality, if I’d made 20 more cold calls two weeks ago, we probably could’ve reached our monthly goal. In that moment, I had to decide whether or not I would be accountable. businessdictionary.com defines accountability as: “The obligation of an individual or organization to account for its activities, accept responsibility for them, and to disclose the results in a transparent manner. It also includes the responsibility for money or other entrusted property.”

Why should accountability matter to you?

Because it directly affects your team’s productivity, efficiency, and morale; particularly when there’s a lack of accountability. Productivity wanes because who wants to work hard next to someone who is lazy then listen to excuses for why his work isn’t done? Efficiency decreases because now your team wonders who has what role: “I thought Joe Sixpack was responsible for ordering inventory, but maybe Jane Merlot really is.” Morale declines because trust is gone and everyone feels the need to constantly protect their rears. But should you account for circumstances beyond your control? Let’s say I actually made those 20 additional cold calls two weeks ago and we still didn’t make our monthly goal. Then what? I still have to acknowledge I didn’t accomplish what was expected, but I’d ask my manager what I can do differently to reach this month’s goal.

How do you demonstrate accountability?

When you make a mistake admit it. If you can come up with a way to not make it again, have that plan ready when questioned about it. E.g.: “For inventory, I ordered 4000 widgets when I meant to order 400. I’ll ask Jane to double check my data entry before submitting the next order.” Don’t make promises you know you can’t keep and keep the promises you make. If you can’t come through, let the team know ASAP. Also brief them on what you’re doing to fix the situation. To track your accountability progress, try journaling. Here’s one that only takes five minutes. Or find an accountability partner. You can keep each other honest and on track to reaching your individual goals. Show your manager you’re serious about accountability with updates during your weekly 1:1s. If your manager doesn’t hold weekly meetings with you, write a status report on your own. What did you spend your week doing? Being able to quickly pull up a report detailing all your past projects could save your job during cutbacks. At the very least, this list makes annual performance review prep super easy.

Once your boss realizes you’re someone who knows they make mistakes and is brave enough to own them, fix them, and not repeat them, she’ll keep coming back to you with projects. A reputation for accountability adds value and security to your position.

What do you do to prove accountability to either your manager or your team? Please share in the comments section below.

Is There Something I Should Know?

When my friend found out I got a job with a company she was familiar with, she said, “Wait a minute. Are you smart? Because these guys are like, Big Bang Theory smart.” No pressure.

She’s right. I work with brilliant people. Everyday I’m reminded of how little I know; which is good. It both keeps me humble and forces me to learn new things. Walking into the office in the morning, I’m blissfully ignorant and full of confidence. Walking out of the office in the afternoon, I’m dolefully aware and have a to-learn list. Feeling like I know something when I actually don’t has a name: Unconscious Incompetence. And it’s dangerous. It prevents me from recognizing certain situations as problems, so I’m unaware I need help solving them. It’s the classic stage one of the learning model.

Right about now you’re asking yourself: “How do I know if I’m Unconsciously Incompetent?” You can get clues by using a process. For example, when your manager gives you an assignment, ask:

Q: What is the project?
A: Proofreading a report.
Q: What does she want done?
A: In addition to grammar and spellcheck, look at comma use and sentence fragments. Track any changes.
Q: When is it due?
A: One week from today.
Q: What should the deliverable look like?
A: A 12 page report in the company’s preferred format.

For bigger projects, give your manager regular status reports so she can course correct and ask her for KPIs. This mitigates the danger of misusing data or unintentionally ignoring important information. It decreases the odds you’ll be perceived as underperforming or at the other extreme, overconfident. This process can reveal what you don’t know. If you have much to learn, you now have time to either acquire the skills you need or reach out to a skilled team member for help before the deadline.

How can you proactively combat Unconscious Incompetence?
– Discover your weaknesses: Ask a trusted coworker where he thinks your blind spots are. Ask a friend what she think your strengths and weaknesses are.
–Take a skills test: like Strengths finder 2.0 (look for it at your local library) or you can take a free course on Lynda.com.
–Find out what skills your company values: These will be your learning objectives. For example: If your company is hiring programmers, learn some basic coding (Also from Lynda.com; it doesn’t have to cost money). There’s no point in learning to basketweave if your company doesn’t sell baskets. Learn a skill that will help you keep your (or get a new) job.
–Reflect: Recall a time you realized you didn’t know something. What did you do then? Did you read a book? Take a class? Interview a coworker who was a subject matter expert? Can you repeat that process in this situation?

Realizing you are Unconsciously Incompetent can be embarrassing at first, but it’s crucial for identifying the next step in growing your career, and that’s exciting!

Ever been Unconsciously Incompetent at work? Please share what you did to bridge your knowledge gap in the comments section below.

You’re Pushing Too Hard

As I was being electronically fingerprinted the other day, (Relax. Plenty of respectable people get fingerprinted for plenty of respectable reasons. :)) I couldn’t make my fingers print. The technician finally took my hand and scanned them herself. “Why can’t I make this work?” I wondered. She said, “You’re pushing too hard.” Story of my life. I’m impatient. I ask God to give me patience, but what He gives me is opportunities to practice it. This must mean patience is a skill we can learn. Here are four ways I’m trying at work:

Flexibility – When my schedule gets out of whack, I stress. My schedule gets whacked a lot. Most of the items on my calendar aren’t as time sensitive as I pretend. For example: I drink 72 ounces of water daily. I like to have it drunk by 3:30PM. It’s silly to be annoyed when I’m still drinking water at 5:00PM. In terms of work, are my self-imposed deadlines realistic? Is the boss going to be more impressed receiving my sales report the day before it’s due or will he be more impressed if my report contains the latest sales figures on the day it’s due?

Keep calm – Losing patience usually means getting angry. So when I feel the emotion building, I ask myself, “Will an outburst make this situation better?” Usually it won’t. Once upon a time I let loose at work and inadvertently hurt five people’s feelings. My relationship with them was never the same after my outburst. Anger is like a virus. If I cough rage all over my coworkers, pretty soon the whole team is upset. I now intentionally stop and think before I act: “Do I need a time out? Do I need to pray? Do I need to take a deep breath?”

Multitask less – Multitasking is an illusion. It actually lowers productivity. I start writing a report, which reminds me to jot down notes for Monday’s meeting, which prompts me to check on my print order, which prompts me to send an email, and pretty soon, I can’t remember which which is which. I get impatient to finish something by the end of the day. I’m trying to complete tasks one at a time. I keep a pen handy to jot down reminders of what still needs done.

Empathize – Life is fast: texts, instant pots, Netflix. We perceive waiting as negative and use that filter to evaluate work situations: “If the client was pleased with my presentation, she’d have gotten back to me by now.” “The boss didn’t return my email. I know he gets it on his phone.” I’m trying to walk in the other person’s shoes. Maybe the client is delayed because she needs to show the presentation to her program manager. Maybe the boss is delayed because he got a fire drill from his boss.

Patience is a sign of emotional intelligence. It’s a valuable, marketable skill. Tenacity is cool, but let’s recognize when we have to give the situation a rest. Pushing too hard sometimes makes things not work; like fingerprint scanners.

What do you get impatient with at work? Please share your stories in the comments section.