Energy – Page 7 – mardihumphreys.com

You Can Do Hard Things

Merriam-Webster defines resilience as a noun meaning “1: the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by cohesive stress and 2: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.” Thanks to the pandemic, I can apply both of these definitions to my life. 1: My strained body needs to recover its shape after the deformation caused by COVID-19’s cohesive stress. 2. I strive to adjust to pandemic-induced change, but the constant pivoting makes me nauseous.

TMI

For this discussion, let’s stick with the second definition. We talked about a form of resilience in this earlier post. Other ways to think of resilience are Viktor Frankl’s theory of Tragic Optimism, Friedrich Nietzsche’s adage what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and even the Serenity Prayer. (I like Erma Bombeck’s version at the bottom of page 11.)

IRL

It’s physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting to think about our ingrained routines and adjust them for COVID-19. For example: Let’s say you’re a mom with a husband and two kids, one school age and one younger. You work in an office and your husband is a trucker. Every morning pre-pandemic, you:

Kissed your husband goodbye
Dropped your younger child at daycare
Dropped your older child at school
Hit your favorite coffee shop
Went to the office

Now, your husband is constantly on the road, your children are home, and your favorite coffee shop is closed. You’re working from home, but need faster internet to accommodate both your teleconferences and your older child’s online school. Overwhelmed? Resilience is taking baby steps toward solutions.

Buy some quality coffee and make yourself a pot
Call your internet provider and upgrade your speed
Tell your husband you’ll be thinking about him while he’s on his route today
Color with your youngest
Listen to your oldest’s struggle with an assignment
Email your manager. How is he doing? What is the one thing he’d like you to accomplish today?

Whew, you did it! You made it through the day! Take a deep breath and relax.

FTW

COVID-19 fatigue is real. You can get through any trial when you know it’s going to end; like a pregnant woman in labor. With no end in sight, you have to adjust your goals. In his book, Survival Psychology, John Leach describes transitioning from short term survival behavior to long term survival behavior. It seems very similar to the grieving process (e.g., shock, denial, anger, acceptance). One key is self-discipline, but be careful of thinking in absolutes like, “I’ve blown my diet by eating one cookie, so I may as well eat the whole bag.” One lapse does not ruin anything. Try again. Another key is your value system. Keep reminding yourself who you are and what you do. For example, say out loud to yourself:

I’m (your name)
I’m a (what you do) for my clients (or team)
The most important task for me to accomplish today is (your number one priority)
The next step to getting it done is (you get the idea).

Silly? Maybe, but it helps you to both focus and prioritize. Filter your priority list through the company’s current mission statement, which may have shifted because of COVID-19. (E.g., your company went from producing rum to hand sanitizer.) The company’s purpose should drive your daily tasks.

How is your company helping you be resilient? Please share in the comments section.

Vuja de (This is Not a Typo)

As a result of COVID-19, a major employer in my community has decided to have their 1600 employees permanently work from home. This could signal the beginning of a mass transition to permanent remote work for many of us. Obviously, there are some jobs that cannot be done from home (waiter, mail carrier, fire fighter, etc.), but if you used to be in an office under the watchful eye of your supervisor and now she’s not in your residence dictating how you spend 40 hours a week, this is a chance to vuja de your role.

Vuja de means looking at something familiar in an unfamiliar way. Before the pandemic, did you feel limited? Did you have little control over how you did your job or what tasks you had to accomplish? The upheaval of quarantine is a logical time to explore aligning your passions, abilities, and standards with your job. For example: Let’s imagine your job is recruiting college seniors for internships. One of your tasks is to discuss next steps with them and answer their questions. Pre-COVID protocol was to spend hours at the office surprising them all individually with an unscheduled phone call. This is a perfect time to book a teleconference and invite a dozen interns to attend. This saves you time, allows recruits to meet whom they’ll work with, and prompts follow-up questions relevant to the whole group; questions no one thinks to ask when put on the spot during a spontaneous phone call.

We have an unprecedented opportunity to demonstrate we can adjust our positions to better fit both our strengths and our needs and still get our work done; in fact maybe even get more work done. At the beginning of sheltering from home, most employers were skeptical full-time employees would actually work the traditional 40 hours every week. Turns out, they were right. Research indicates employees are working longer to prove we’re actually productive. With a long term crisis on our hands, we’re compelled to view our jobs as flexible because the conditions under which we perform them have to be.

During this time of returning to the office, we can ask ourselves, “What needs to get done?” “When is the best time to do it?” “Where is the best place to do it?” For example, if you’re working on a budget report, and you need to concentrate, the best time and place for you may be 11:00PM in your home office while everyone else is asleep. But if you’re brainstorming ways to automate a client’s requisition process, you may need to be in the office with your team and a wall full of whiteboards. The tasks should dictate the schedule and venue and will likely produce a hybrid model of working from both home and the office.

It would be wise to document your responsibilities since sheltering at home began. What projects have you completed? How much time did you spend? Who worked with you? How did you communicate (e.g., in person or remote)? You can use this data to produce a case study for your manager proving the benefits, both to her and the company, of allowing you the freedom to vuja de your role.

How have you adjusted your job description during the pandemic? Please share in the comments section.

A Mind at Work

I got offended at work. I sought clarity from a couple outsiders. Both suggested I check my ego. Turns out, ego doesn’t always mean liking ourselves too much. Do you know ego also causes us to stay quiet to protect ourselves from perceived harm?

Fight or Flight

The fight or flight response kicks in whenever our sense of self is challenged. If we find our identity in our job and we’re asked to do something that’s not our job, (e.g., a CEO asked to serve coffee at a board meeting) our boundary is crossed and fight or flight activates. This could look like getting defensive, “I’m the CEO, not the barista.” Or, allowing the breach, “Do you want cream and sugar?” Ego can convince us to do things that undermine our success. For example: If I binge watch Hulu the night before a webinar instead of rehearsing, when I deliver a lousy presentation, I can blame Hulu instead of acknowledging my failure. If I give a lousy presentation, it’s unlikely I’ll be asked to give another one, thus preventing the possibility of future failure. Ego mitigates risk for us to protect our self-esteem, but that protection may deny us opportunity for future success.

Ego or Calling

Both feed ambition, produce comparable results, and spur us to work hard. Is calling healthy and ego not? Actually, they need to work together. Ego is our mind’s bodyguard. It protects us from worrying so much about what others think that we’re too paralyzed to make decisions. It’s the version of ourselves everyone sees. But its operating system is based on fear. Its tone is urgent, implying something bad will happen if we stop hammering away at the project. Ego needs to be balanced by calling. Calling is our authentic self. It whispers reminders of what we care about and encourages us to see our work through its filter.

Asset or Liability

The boss wants employees who get things done. She’s likely too busy with her own responsibilities to monitor ours. How will she know we do good work unless we tell her? Ego can help us track when we go above and beyond our job descriptions, especially when those efforts pay off big time for the company. This is not bragging. This is owning the fruits of our labor. If we have regular 1:1s with our managers, that is the time to shine, but if not, we can draw on ego to prepare a list for the next performance review. This is also a good time to use ego to inform our supervisors of our career development intentions. Going for a promotion? Use ego to voice that desire. It can help us illustrate how we already fulfill the responsibilities of the next title on the company’s career path.

Ego is a powerful tool and we need to wield it for good. If we can recognize when we’re in a situation that triggers ego, we can stop and question why. Then use it to navigate the situation. Do we need ego to cheerlead? (“I can do this hard thing.”) Or do we need it to go back in the tool box? (“I can let my team help me do this hard thing, and share the credit.”)

How have you focused your ego lately? Please share you story in the comments section.

Crumbs From Your Table

We’re celebrating Labor Day weekend, the national holiday acknowledging the contribution of American workers to the innovation, development, and strength of our economy. But not everyone who would like to be employed right now is thanks to COVID 19. And some employers are making the job search increasingly difficult by using a deception called breadcrumbing.

What Is It?

Typically associated with romantic relationships, breadcrumbing gained traction in business vocabulary during COVID-19. It’s when someone stays in contact just enough to keep us hanging onto hope for a relationship. In terms of job seeking, the company we interviewed with says it wants us, but keeps insisting it needs a little more time to make a decision.

What Does It Look Like?

I’ve attended two networking events during the past month where two job seekers, both furloughed by the pandemic, said potential employers are flirting with them, but seem to have no intention of hiring. One attendee said she’s applied for 75 positions since March, and only heard back from two or three. She doesn’t believe the other 70+ were interviewing or actively hiring. The other attendee said she’s also applied for several positions, and most of her results went like this: She gets notified a job has just been posted. She applies the same day. Two days later she gets a “We’ve gone with someone else” email. How can the company have made that decision within 48 hours? She suspects the job may not actually exist yet, and companies are either just fishing or amassing a pool of applicants for post-COVID-19 hires. Both job seekers are struggling with how demotivating this makes their searches.

What Is Going On?

In real estate terms, it’s a buyer’s market. There are more workers than jobs, so companies have the luxury of developing a roster. But other factors could be at play; HR may be holding things up. Payroll budgets may be getting tweaked; especially if the company is hiring for multiple positions. If the hiring manager and HR aren’t communicating about the hiring process, it will take longer. If the company has a policy of posting open positions externally, they may interview to fulfill the policy, while actually intending to hire an existing internal candidate. Maybe the company is trying to figure out what department the candidate will fit, the best role isn’t open, or it’s waiting to see if someone more qualified applies. Maybe the company is just plain disorganized.

What Can We Do?

Respectfully call out the hiring manager. “Our interview was two weeks ago. I have the impression the company is still interested, as am I, but I’m considering other offers. Can you please give me some idea of how close the company is to selecting a candidate?” Otherwise: network, network, network. It’s one of the best ways to vet job openings. Use LinkedIn contacts. Look for Zoom networking events as well as in person. Join groups. There are plenty to choose from. There are groups on social media (Facebook and LinkedIn come immediately to mind). There are industry groups (e.g., IT, manufacturing, sales, etc). There are special interest groups (e.g. Women in Business Networking, Chambers of Commerce), and Alumni groups.

Personally, I’ve connected friends seeking jobs with people in my networking groups who have open positions. If you are looking for employment, please direct message me. I’m happy to help.

Have you been breadcrumbed? Please share your story in the comments section.

In the Beginning

COVID-19 has cost some of my friends their jobs. After getting over the hurdle of finding a new position in a pandemic, now they have to adjust to new roles. Are you in the same situation? How can you successfully transition to your new company? Time to flex those soft skills like communication, emotional intelligence, and leadership.

Communication

However you want people to think of you (professional, kind, capable, etc), project those positive qualities from your very first interaction. Ideally, an on-site meeting will be arranged to introduce you to your team as part of your on-boarding, but if social distancing makes that impossible, on your first day, mask up and go around to greet them individually. Is your team remote? Request a teleconference. Ask each member about themselves, listen more than you talk, and take notes. Pay special attention to the way they talk about the company. It will give you insight into its culture. Coworkers are unlikely to be transparent since you’re a stranger, but you could ask: How does the team resolve conflicts? How does the company recognize success? How does your manager support your professional development goals?

Emotional Intelligence

Find out how your role interacts with everyone else’s. How do you support your team in their daily responsibilities? Offering to help is a good way to build trust, but be wary of coworkers trying to foist too many of their unwanted tasks onto you. It’s okay to respectfully establish boundaries. Identify someone you can go to with questions ranging from, “What is the dress code?” to “Is Sam asking me to do a task she is actually responsible for?” Ask your most important questions. For the ones that aren’t so important, try to find the answers on your own. Look through the employee handbook, internal website, and on-boarding materials. If you can’t find answers, make a list and ask the appropriate people later. You don’t have to have all the answers now, and it will give you a reason to follow up with new colleagues. If you ask a question via email, you can prevent repeatedly asking the same one. If one of your questions regards how soon you can take time off (either paid or unpaid), best practice is to work 90 days before requesting it. Beware of office gossips. This early in your employment, they can only hurt your reputation. If you had a specific way of handling your projects at your last job, this is the time to be flexible. Until you’ve earned both the company’s and your manager’s trust, don’t demand changes.

Leadership

At a mentoring event in January 2020, Cassie Barlow, an outstanding leader in workforce development, reminded us a new role isn’t new just for the employee; it’s a transition for the whole team. She offered this great advice when starting a new job:

First day: Find yourself in the organizational chart, learn names (use mnemonic devices (e.g., Melissa has red glasses) to help you remember), be humble, have a growth mindset, be curious.

First week: Get a job description; meet colleagues and figure out how to interact with them. Who likes email? Who’d rather get a phone call? Who needs to meet?

First month: Set expectations, metrics, and milestones with your manager. Set expectations, metrics, and milestones with your direct reports.

Do you have any advice for starting a new position? Please share it in the comments section.

Stalled Boundary

Last week during a local weather forecast, a meteorologist described the stationary front hanging over us. She explained there were two air masses competing for dominance and until one got strong enough to replace the other, it would continue to rain. Doesn’t this sound like some of our work relationships?!

Two Masses Competing for Dominance

The word seems to imply an attempt to isolate ourselves, but boundaries are guidelines we communicate so others know how to treat us. We’re stating the behaviors we’ll tolerate and those we won’t. We’re setting expectations for the team. If we have well defined boundaries, it takes assuming out. “No” is a powerful word, and we need to get comfortable using it. We want to get along with our coworkers. We don’t want to seem rude, ill-mannered, or not a team player; but anyone with the attitude, “It never hurts to ask,” has been told no before. People are going to think what they want about us (positive or negative) no matter what we do, so let’s say no to things that make us exhausted, disturbed, or resentful.

Both Equally Strong

We can’t make anyone respect our boundaries. All we can control is how we respond when they’re crossed. When we’re pushed to defend our boundaries, it’s an opportunity to articulate why they exist. Some boundaries are negotiable and being questioned about them helps us refine them. For example, Coworker: “Why didn’t you reply to the email I sent you yesterday?” Me: “Because I stop checking email at 7:00PM.” This encounter reminded me our boss sends emails at all hours. So I refined my boundary by setting up a rule in Outlook. When our boss emails me, Outlook sends me a text. A long justification of our boundaries isn’t necessary nor is it anyone’s business. If we offer too much explanation, we invite the encroacher to move it. Remember, turnabout is fair play. We should be mindful of our coworkers’ boundaries. How can we tell when we’ve crossed one if they won’t point it out? There may be visual social clues: heavy sighing, arm crossing, eyebrow raising. When I suspect I’ve crossed a boundary, I ask. “Do I sense a boundary? Oops, the line’s behind me. I crossed it again.”

Everyone Gets Rained On

We can’t afford to feel guilty about how our reasonable boundaries affect the peace of our team. Modeling calm, matter-of-fact boundary defense may be the best thing we can do for our team. When we hold a boundary, let’s observe our coworkers’ reactions. Are they inspired? Relieved? Annoyed? Scared? Their responses give us a major clue about the health of our teams’ communication. Do we need a culture shift? Is it time for one member to transfer to a different team? Let’s strive to foster an environment where coworkers feel safe to disagree and debate, but non-stop criticism doesn’t promote problem solving. Leaving the team or asking someone to leave is not a pleasant choice, but it’s important to remember the choice exists. We aren’t powerless.

What are some work boundaries you’ve had to defend? Please share them in the comments section.

Performance vs Potential

In America, 49.6% of the workforce is female, but less than 5% of Fortune 500 companies’ CEOs are female. I found several variables contributing to this confusing proportion. Since this is an election year and we’ve seen glaring examples of performance vs. potential, let’s focus on that variable for this discussion. A Presidential campaign is a job interview. During the democratic campaigns, the female candidates highlighted their resumes (what they did) while the male candidates promoted their plans (what they intend to do); evidence that women are judged on past performance and men are judged on potential. How does this societal inclination to evaluate a gender show up in the workforce?

This study on hiring reveals when the past performances of female and male candidates were equal, the female candidates were held to a higher standard. Unconscious bias lessened the women’s leadership potential in the hiring team’s opinion. These negative labels pervade the workforce. They’re exhausting to fight and often invisible. Let’s say Jane and Joe have the same position, the same resume, and are up for the same promotion. If Joe receives it, Jane probably won’t ask her boss if he chose Joe because he thinks Joe has more potential than she does. Instead, Jane will probably feel like she doesn’t belong at her company and look for a more welcoming environment. We have to realize unconscious bias is someone else’s opinion of us; not the truth, and have the endurance to battle it day after day. But, who has the energy to constantly validate her ideas to upper management while simultaneously doing the job?

Traditionally, when a project succeeds, a female leader shares credit with her team and a male leader assumes the credit for himself. Diluting her contribution, the female leader is easily overlooked for bigger projects. A man claiming credit gets leadership roles because no one asked how the project got done. They only saw who claimed credit for getting it done. The performance review process is a minefield of subjectivity and unconscious bias. One answer is to make the evaluation more about whether last year’s performance goals were met (this is typically how a male is evaluated), not how hard the employee had to work to meet them (this is typically how a female is evaluated). This challenges HR to rework the process using a filter of diversity and inclusion, which may require both training and a review committee. When women have to keep proving competency over and over, this slows down our advancement. How can we excel at past performance if we’re denied opportunities to perform?

Speaking of HR, in this poll of women working in the IT industry, 63% of them said the hiring process in the market is biased against female IT applicants. When women are hired, we start dropping out of the advancement track around middle management for obvious reasons: no women in next-level positions in whose footsteps we can follow, no access to casual networks (the old boys’ club), and lack of mentors (male or female) in upper management. But there’s also a not-so-obvious reason: a culture of embedded mindsets and entrenched beliefs. (E.g., men make better leaders because they’re more analytical and less emotional than women.) How much talent is wasted because of these barriers?

As usual, I have more questions than answers. If you have answers, please share your experience in the comments section.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I’m equipped to work from home, so when COVID-19 turned the world upside down, I thought it would be easy. But now that we’ve been quarantined longer than Noah was in the ark, the loss of routine is getting to me. I had comfortable pre-pandemic habits: packing a lunch, listening to a podcast on the morning commute, and driving thru Starbucks once a week. Now those customs don’t work and I’m off-kilter without them.

I’ve read now is a good time to develop new habits that can remain after a vaccine for COVID-19 is developed, but I don’t think they’re referring to wearing slippers instead of heels to work. Why should we develop whole new routines when we’re going back to the old ones any day now? Because any day now keeps getting pushed back. We’ve fallen into new habits whether or not we want to admit it, but do we have to completely overhaul those routines to feel balanced again?

The research I’ve done suggests small adjustments may be enough to restore harmony. We can take breaks (play with the kids), set boundaries (dedicate a workspace, start and end the workday at the same times everyday), and follow a dress code (real clothes, not pajamas). So I guess it’s time to actually eat a snack, take the dog outside, and focus my eyes on something beyond the computer screen, instead of complaining about nine-hour-without-a-break work days. I suppose I should put the card table I’ve been working from back in the garage and get a legitimate desk. I’m willing to change out of pajamas for work, but I’m not giving up the slippers.

We’re drifting into the realm of self-care which is taking on a more serious face during this pandemic. The stress of COVID-19 information overload, loss of freedom, job loss (or a never-ending workday), and the whole family trapped in residence together, forces us to add self-care our already full to-do lists. It’s become a mental health issue, so let’s prioritize it. This pandemic is like an airplane cabin losing oxygen. We have to put on our own masks before we can help anyone else with theirs. We need to model self-care, especially in front of our children, because they’re watching what we do. By managing our own peace of mind, we’re teaching them how to manage theirs.

There are plenty of choices to maintain mental health. This can be overwhelming. So maybe we employ the Butterfly Effect and choose one thing we can do to make ourselves feel better. We don’t have to do the same activity every day. Today, we could take the kids for a walk in the neighborhood and practice physical distancing. Tomorrow, we could make our weekly staff meeting a virtual coffee. The day after that, we could go to the grocery using the appropriate precautions then drop off the supplies at our local food bank.

What is one thing you can do today to pivot to a positive change? Please share in the comments.

What Comes Next?

We talk about what we’ll do after COVID-19. What changes to work life will we keep? How has our perspective changed? How much weight will we have to lose? What will we do next? Like Inigo Montoya after he finally got revenge on Count Rugen, next can leave us feeling lost, bereft, or untethered. Fortunately, Westley had a goal to offer him, but since the position of The Dread Pirate Roberts is currently unavailable, what should we do after we’ve reached a goal?

Celebrate

We can take a break and pat ourselves on the back, but let’s put a time limit on the celebration; somewhere between the length of a nice dinner and a week’s vacation. We should thank everyone who contributed to reaching the goal; especially those whose help we’ll need to reach future ones. We could reward ourselves with a gift card to a local business (e.g., coffee shop, independent bookstore, salon). That would both support a small business struggling to survive COVID-19 and give us something to look forward to.

Reflect

We should push pause and ponder. What did we do right? What could we improve? How do we maintain this new level? Who helped us get here? When in the process did we mess up and why? Where can we put triggers in that process to prevent mistakes from happening again? What is our next logical goal? The answers to these questions give us data to analyze. We can use this for refining our process and determining metrics.

Another one

Do we go after a bigger client? Start grad school? Lose another 10 lbs? If we have simultaneous goals set in different areas of our lives, when we achieve one, we have another one to work on. This helps us maintain dopamine levels to stay motivated and avoid the arrival fallacy (A theory introduced by Tal Ben-Shahar). Another option is to come up with a two (or five or ten) year plan so once we reach our current goal, we can immediately start on the next one even if it’s a preliminary activity (i.e., research, gather materials, etc). If looking that far down the road doesn’t make sense, we could set both short term goals (e.g., be the team leader on the next project) and long term goals (e.g., get promoted next year). When we achieve the short term goal, we could focus our energy on the long term goal while setting another short term one.

Help others

Is it time to be a mentor? Teaching someone else a skill we just learned reinforces it for us. We could also share what we learned by writing a white paper or case study and posting it on our companies’ websites.

Remember Why

We can achieve goal after goal, but still feel unfulfilled. If this happens, stop and ask, “What do I want to do with my life?” Do we want to end domestic violence? Affect climate change? Make sure every dog has a home? When we determine what we want our world to look like, we can align our goals with our life’s purpose and make that world a reality.

What comes next for you? Please share in the comments section.

Here Comes the Judge

We judge situations and people every day: Is this job the best fit for me? Is this guy going to hurt me? Should I hire a math tutor for my son? Often, we have to assess them with very little information. We’re also on the other end of evaluation. We look in someone’s eyes, feel them examining us, and assume we come up short of their standards. That doesn’t make judging bad. It’s our mindset that’s in question. What happens when we judge ourselves? Why do we judge others? What habits can we adopt to turn our negative judgement into positive?

Ourselves:

We are inclined to be our own worst critics. If we weren’t, affirmations would not exist (e.g., “It’s okay to be a powerful woman”) We have to intentionally remind ourselves we’re good enough, we’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like us because we face adversity every day and we think we’re the cause of it. Yes, we reap what we sow, but sometimes life just happens. We can be really good at our jobs and then a pandemic comes along and our company lays us off. We habitually blame ourselves for the random misfortune in our lives, “If I were smarter, I would’ve sold my quota of widgets this month.” After a while, we maintain a low level of self-induced anxiety and it can be addicting. Why do we do this? Are we trying to protect ourselves from failure? Are we trying to use criticism to motivate ourselves to action?

Others:

Confession time: I’m judging people’s reactions to the COVID-19 pandemic. I find myself thinking negatively about those who: aren’t in high risk categories being scared, are vocal about the inconvenience of their favorite doughnut shop being temporarily closed, or say our state’s leaders are overreacting. Then my own words slap me in the face: “Don’t judge others by the way you think.” I feel like fear is at the root of judgement. We’re jealous of what others have. We have to get along with people whose opinion is very foreign to ours. We think someone wants to take advantage of us. We’re afraid we’re wrong, we won’t have enough, or we’ll look stupid. Fear is useful when we use it as a warning system, but how do we keep it in its place?

Habits:

Realize we’re doing it. When we have a judgmental thought, we can stop and label it. Is it true? If not, let’s cast it aside and purposefully replace it with a true and positive thought.

Meditation. Whether it’s prayer, mindfulness, or quiet time, stopping to breathe, catalog thoughts, and decide which ones need redirection or discarded strengthens our accuracy in judging both situations and people.

Forgive ourselves. Everyone makes mistakes and they usually aren’t as consequential as we initially assume. Our culture pushes us to be better and do better; but if we do our best, that’s enough to feel good about and try again tomorrow.

What do you do to keep judgment in its place? Please share in the comments section.