Communication

Take Cover

Last month I said don’t get me started about cover letters still being a thing. Well, somebody got me started so fasten your seatbelts.

Waste is my pet peeve. Money, food, potential, any kind of waste annoys me. Since 74% of hiring professionals say they do not read an applicant’s cover letter, writing them feels like a waste. First, you have to tailor your resume to every job description. Then you have to write a cover letter that does not duplicate your resume. Finally, you must repeat the process for all your job applications. Why do we still have to write cover letters?

Introduction

Cover letters are most effective when you know who the hiring manager is, but they don’t know you. Check their social media profiles. Invite them to connect on LinkedIn. Ask your network if anyone knows them and if so, request an email introduction. Google them to find areas of common ground you can mention in the opening paragraph to personalize your cover letter. Think of this as an opportunity to showcase your written communication skills. Articulate your thoughts and ideas in as few words as possible. Demonstrate your attention to detail by using action verbs to indicate you researched the company and understand the job requirements. You usually have to apply on the company’s website, but applicant tracking systems (ATS) are not your friends. After applying online, email your cover letter and resume directly to the hiring manager. Include a note saying you applied online and, for their convenience, you attached copies so they can easily identify you in their ATS.

Initiative

Cover letters are useful for addressing employment gaps, career changes, or special circumstances. Briefly explain the situation, give context, and share how the result makes you the best fit for this position. For example, let’s say you are a software engineer who got laid off. While looking for a full-time position, you helped a non-profit develop a tool to standardize their donor database. In your cover letter, say something like, “You’ll notice in my resume that my last position was eliminated seven months ago. I’ve filled that time gap with a project for my favorite non-profit. I developed a tool to standardize their donor database. Now supporters only receive one request per campaign. I will use what I learned from this project to help you improve your customers’ experience.”

Interest

Cover letters give voice to your enthusiasm. Managers want to hire employees who want to do the specific jobs they have open. If you apply for a job just because you need the paycheck, that attitude will seep into your cover letter. Differentiate yourself from other applicants by explaining why you are interested in the company, what attracts you to the role, and how you can contribute to the organization’s goals. These specifics signal to the hiring manager that you have put both thought and effort into what a relationship with the company could look like.

If it’s a job you really want, then write a cover letter and make the most of it. Personalize it by adding details from your research on both the company and the hiring manager. Highlight people you both know. State why you’d like to work for them. Include links to your portfolio or awards or quotes from clients who appreciated your work. Build a case for why you are the ideal candidate for the job.

Should cover letters still be a thing? Please share what side of the debate you’re on in the comments.

The Right Blend

When I purchase a coffee mug, it has to meet very specific requirements. It must hold (about) eight fluid ounces, be dishwasher and microwave safe, have a large(ish) handle, designed on both sides, and fit on my mug warmer. Building a project team is a lot like looking for the perfect coffee mug.

The Right Size

If my mug is too large, the coffee gets cold before I can drink it all. If it’s too small, I spend too much time refilling it. Likewise, if the team is too large, we have too many voices, opinions, and egos to manage. If it’s too small, we don’t have enough diversity of thought. We need various races, genders, ages, etc. represented on our teams.

Dishwasher and Microwave Safe

I’m not hand washing coffee mugs and I need to be able to reheat my coffee once it’s in the mug. Team meetings can be like dishwashers and microwave ovens; they can get hot. Meetings are for discussion and debate. When someone presents a concept, they are both invested in it, and in a vulnerable position presenting it. Rudely shooting it down (or not stepping in when a coworker does) is not an option if we want that team member to keep bringing ideas to meetings. Establishing a rule for kind and constructive feedback at the first meeting can create an environment where the team feels safe sharing.

A Handle on it

I need fairly large handles on my coffee mugs so I can control them. I need teammates with fairly large handles on their emotions for the same reason. Work can be a pressure cooker. Shouting, blame-shifting, and gossip are counter productive to problem solving. When we choose team members, we should consider people who have demonstrated emotional intelligence.

Designed on Both Sides

I like a mug that looks the same no matter which hand I hold it in. If it doesn’t, it feels unbalanced. A team should also be designed for balance. Consistently communicating goals and KPIs helps. In other words, where are we going, how are we getting there, and when do we know we’ve arrived? We not only need a communication loop with our teams, but they also need to communicate with each other. Well-designed communication includes plenty of modes for interaction: in person, teleconference, phone calls, texts, emails; and not just about the task at hand. Making time to find out more about each team member, (maybe an ice breaker to begin a team meeting, or a casual team lunch off site, or a team virtual coffee talk) bonds the team. We want the people we like to succeed. It makes sense to like the people on our team.

Fits the Warmer

When choosing a new coffee mug, the bottom must be less than 3 1/4” in diameter so it fits my mug warmer. When assembling a team, the people must fit the work and each other. What is the job description? What skills do our current teammates possess? What skills do we need? What temperaments need balanced? Is the team diverse? We should assess the culture and look for someone who will not only be comfortable in it, but contribute to it.

A good team, like a good coffee mug, meets the goals we’ve set and if we take care of it, can last for years.

What’s your framework for building a good team? Please share in the comments section.

Financial Infidelity

Back in March, we discussed financial fidelity. In the section on transparency, I alluded to the fact that hiding money from our spouses is cheating, but that was a whole ‘nuther post. Well, here it is.

As of January 2020, 44% of Americans with joint finances, cheated on our spouses with money. Anything hidden is considered cheating. For example: secret bank accounts (savings or checking), secret lottery winnings, secret debt (credit cards, loans), lost our job but acting like we didn’t, or spending money on an expensive item without discussion, can all be considered breaches of faith. Here are some behavioral tells to watch for: our spouse insists on paying all the bills, won’t divulge account logins, refuses to discuss money, or argues about spending large sums.

Why the deception?

Control: revenge spending
Guilt: knowing the spending was irresponsible
Fear: afraid of spouse’s reaction if discovered
Conflict Avoidance: we want something our spouse will object to

What’s the harm?

Lying about finances causes arguments, distrust, and can end the relationship. If we lie about money, what else will we lie about? Hiding money only delays the inevitable conversation about motive. If concealing debt is the issue, it could affect both spouses’s employment. Hiring managers check credit scores as part of the interview process. We shouldn’t have to tell each other every time we buy a venti at Starbucks, but we can’t run up $50K in credit card bills and keep it a secret. That will undermine the whole relationship. Some states’ laws make our finances our spouses’ finances. If the relationship ends and one spouse is in debt, both live with the responsibility until the debts are paid.

How do we fix it?

If we are the cheated, put aside judgement, and ask about the feelings that led to the deceit. Financial infidelity is a symptom. The real problem in the relationship needs acknowledgement. If we are the cheater, be honest, apologize, and stop keeping secrets. To begin, we can talk about tolerance. Can we spend $500 without asking? Can we divert $100 a week from our joint checking account to a private savings account? Our partner needs to know our motivation for having a separate account. Do we want to save up so we can spend money however we want without asking, or are we secretly saving up for a divorce? (In some states it’s illegal to hide money during a divorce, btw.) We don’t have to give our spouses access to this account, but they should know how much is in it because it’s a factor in our financial decision making. Define long term savings goals together like the children’s education, a new car, or retirement, and both commit to working toward them. When we want something that will impact those goals, it’s time for another discussion. We should revisit savings goals once a year. Maybe during tax season since it’s a logical time to talk about finances. When we get into this habit, as the years pass, it gets easier to talk to our spouses about money.

Money is a major stressor in a relationship and talking about it can quickly turn into arguing about it which makes you avoid talking about it. But keeping secrets is usually a waste of your T.E.A.M. If we don’t talk to our partners about money, we’ll never figure out how to work together to manage and maximize it.

How do you broach the subject of money in your relationship? Please share in the comments section.

In the Beginning

COVID-19 has cost some of my friends their jobs. After getting over the hurdle of finding a new position in a pandemic, now they have to adjust to new roles. Are you in the same situation? How can you successfully transition to your new company? Time to flex those soft skills like communication, emotional intelligence, and leadership.

However you want people to think of you (professional, kind, capable, etc), project those positive qualities from your very first interaction. Ideally, an on-site meeting will be arranged to introduce you to your team as part of your on-boarding, but if social distancing makes that impossible, on your first day, mask up and go around to greet them individually. Is your team remote? Request a teleconference. Ask each member about themselves, listen more than you talk, and take notes. Pay special attention to the way they talk about the company. It will give you insight into its culture. Coworkers are unlikely to be transparent since you’re a stranger, but you could ask: How does the team resolve conflicts? How does the company recognize success? How does your manager support your professional development goals?

Emotional Intelligence

Find out how your role interacts with everyone else’s. How do you support your team in their daily responsibilities? Offering to help is a good way to build trust, but be wary of coworkers trying to foist too many of their unwanted tasks onto you. It’s okay to respectfully establish boundaries. Identify someone you can go to with questions ranging from, “What is the dress code?” to “Is Sam asking me to do a task she is actually responsible for?” Ask your most important questions. For the ones that aren’t so important, try to find the answers on your own. Look through the employee handbook, internal website, and on-boarding materials. If you can’t find answers, make a list and ask the appropriate people later. You don’t have to have all the answers now, and it will give you a reason to follow up with new colleagues. If you ask a question via email, you can prevent repeatedly asking the same one. If one of your questions regards how soon you can take time off (either paid or unpaid), best practice is to work 90 days before requesting it. Beware of office gossips. This early in your employment, they can only hurt your reputation. If you had a specific way of handling your projects at your last job, this is the time to be flexible. Until you’ve earned both the company’s and your manager’s trust, don’t demand changes.

Leadership

At a mentoring event in January 2020, Cassie Barlow, an outstanding leader in workforce development, reminded us a new role isn’t new just for the employee; it’s a transition for the whole team. She offered this great advice when starting a new job:

First day: Find yourself in the organizational chart, learn names (use mnemonic devices (e.g., Melissa has red glasses) to help you remember), be humble, have a growth mindset, be curious.

First week: Get a job description; meet colleagues and figure out how to interact with them. Who likes email? Who’d rather get a phone call? Who needs to meet?

First month: Set expectations, metrics, and milestones with your manager. Set expectations, metrics, and milestones with your direct reports.

Do you have any advice for starting a new position? Please share it in the comments section.

Meeting Manners

Photo by August de Richelieu from Pexels

Finding and maintaining business relationships is so important it has its own word: networking. Pre-COVID-19, the default technique was in person, in a group, with snacks. Meeting people powers business. We get together to build trust, show respect, demonstrate commitment, and form long term relationships. When we connected with someone, we’d further the conversation at a later date, either at one of our offices or restaurant.

When instructed to shelter at home, we immediately virtualized it, but now we’re dipping our toes back into the networking and 1:1 meeting ponds. It’s not unusual to run from a teleconference in my home office to a 1:1 at a coffee shop.

This transition is exhausting, but it helps when I remember guidelines for COVID-19 change daily for the entire world. We can’t realistically absorb all the available information, and no one has all the answers. We can have patience, extend grace, and be prepared to pivot. For example, when setting an appointment we acknowledge we’d rather meet in person, but offering a teleconference as a back up is currently the best practice.

We could just talk on the phone. (Remember when talking to someone was the only thing we did with phones?) I had a couple of 1:1 calls recently and they were refreshing! Eliminating the sense of sight allowed me to concentrate on the person’s voice and take notes. I didn’t have to wonder if I was using enough non-verbals to show I was paying attention. I had to remind myself to respond with verbal cues (e.g.,“uh-huh,” “yes,” “tell me more,” etc.) so the speaker would know I was listening. It was a great communication exercise.

When we meet face to face, it’s prudent to call the venue ahead and ask if they allow indoor seating yet. If they have outdoor seating, that’s even better, but requires the weather to cooperate. We should move our chairs six feet apart. If we purchase drinks or food, we should pay with our credit/debit card. We should wear a mask, carry hand sanitizer, not shake hands (and maybe comment on it; e.g., “I hope someone comes up with a substitution for handshaking soon.”) We should take our temperatures before leaving the house (and tell our 1:1s upon arrival). We should be prepared for cancellations as COVID-19 conditions daily change.

Now that we’ve had over three months experience with teleconferencing, here is something I’ve found useful. Begin the meeting at five minutes after the hour or half hour and end five minutes before the hour or half hour. Odds are the person meeting with me is coming from an earlier meeting, and/or has another one after ours. Giving them five minutes to transition demonstrates consideration for their schedule.

Respect is the key, both giving it and requesting it. When choosing whether to meet in person or virtually, it’s fair to say, “I’d rather teleconference. My family is taking social distancing very seriously.” We should also not be surprised to hear that sentence from the person we intend to meet. COVID-19 is turning into a marathon rather than a sprint. Minding our meeting manners is a small way we can help each other to the finish line.

Are the majority of your meetings still virtual? Please tell us about them in the comments section.

Stalled Boundary

Last week during a local weather forecast, a meteorologist described the stationary front hanging over us. She explained there were two air masses competing for dominance and until one got strong enough to replace the other, it would continue to rain. Doesn’t this sound like some of our work relationships?!

Two Masses Competing for Dominance

The word seems to imply an attempt to isolate ourselves, but boundaries are guidelines we communicate so others know how to treat us. We’re stating the behaviors we’ll tolerate and those we won’t. We’re setting expectations for the team. If we have well defined boundaries, it takes assuming out. “No” is a powerful word, and we need to get comfortable using it. We want to get along with our coworkers. We don’t want to seem rude, ill-mannered, or not a team player; but anyone with the attitude, “It never hurts to ask,” has been told no before. People are going to think what they want about us (positive or negative) no matter what we do, so let’s say no to things that make us exhausted, disturbed, or resentful.

Both Equally Strong

We can’t make anyone respect our boundaries. All we can control is how we respond when they’re crossed. When we’re pushed to defend our boundaries, it’s an opportunity to articulate why they exist. Some boundaries are negotiable and being questioned about them helps us refine them. For example, Coworker: “Why didn’t you reply to the email I sent you yesterday?” Me: “Because I stop checking email at 7:00PM.” This encounter reminded me our boss sends emails at all hours. So I refined my boundary by setting up a rule in Outlook. When our boss emails me, Outlook sends me a text. A long justification of our boundaries isn’t necessary nor is it anyone’s business. If we offer too much explanation, we invite the encroacher to move it. Remember, turnabout is fair play. We should be mindful of our coworkers’ boundaries. How can we tell when we’ve crossed one if they won’t point it out? There may be visual social clues: heavy sighing, arm crossing, eyebrow raising. When I suspect I’ve crossed a boundary, I ask. “Do I sense a boundary? Oops, the line’s behind me. I crossed it again.”

Everyone Gets Rained On

We can’t afford to feel guilty about how our reasonable boundaries affect the peace of our team. Modeling calm, matter-of-fact boundary defense may be the best thing we can do for our team. When we hold a boundary, let’s observe our coworkers’ reactions. Are they inspired? Relieved? Annoyed? Scared? Their responses give us a major clue about the health of our teams’ communication. Do we need a culture shift? Is it time for one member to transfer to a different team? Let’s strive to foster an environment where coworkers feel safe to disagree and debate, but non-stop criticism doesn’t promote problem solving. Leaving the team or asking someone to leave is not a pleasant choice, but it’s important to remember the choice exists. We aren’t powerless.

What are some work boundaries you’ve had to defend? Please share them in the comments section.

Control is an Illusion

For many of us, it’s a long holiday weekend to celebrate Independence Day. But thanks to COVID-19, I don’t feel very independent. I walk out the door then stop to make sure I have my mask. Before setting an appointment for a one-on-one, I have to call coffee shops and ask if they allow indoor seating. To go to the office, or not to go to the office; that is the question. Maybe I should take some time between Hamilton viewings to reflect, reality check, remaster, and renew.

Reflect

Gratitude is my default setting for pulling out of rumination. I keep a gratitude journal and write in it as part of my morning routine. I record one thing I’m grateful for from the previous day. When I start down the rabbit hole of feeling sorry for myself, I pull out the gratitude journal to snap out of it. I habitually focus on my goal and ignore the journey I’m on to reach it. Achieving the goal is fabulous, but wisdom comes from what I do daily to accomplish it.

Reality Check

Have you seen a bunch of memes on your social media feeds that say the most useless purchase of 2019 was a 2020 planner? It’s funny because it’s true. The goals we set at the beginning of this year are mostly impractical now. Yet, we beat ourselves up for not being on track to reach them. For example, my company planned to grow our new division this year. We’re having difficulty getting traction and I blamed myself. So, I turned to my best networking friends for a reality check. I felt better when they validated business is slow for everyone. This prompted me to refocus my outreach. What are my clients’ biggest needs right now? Can I provide a resource for them even if it’s not my company? If I can help my community get through the pandemic, then they will still be around to talk business post COVID-19.

Remaster

Much like a rock band re-recording an old hit song to improve its quality, let’s revise our yearly goals. We can break them down into smaller goals to help us stay motivated. We can concentrate on short term goals. (E.g., ask ourselves, “What is one thing I can I do today?”) We can break our revised goals down into actionable steps and calendar them so we’re triggered to action. When contemplating a new goal, we should ask ourselves,“Is this reasonable during COVID-19?” We can track our efforts (you know I’ll use any excuse to start a spreadsheet) and review them after Q3. We can identify someone willing to be an accountability partner and check in with each other weekly for progress reports.

Renew

Surviving COVID-19 is a marathon. Small daily acts of self-care (take a walk, read an article, listen to a podcast) can be rewards for taking another step toward our goals. Setbacks feel more painful right now, but let’s hold on, keep trying, and support one another.

How are you reflecting on the first half of 2020 and preparing for the second? Please share your ideas in the comments section.

It’s Alright to be Wrong

Father’s Day has me thinking about how patient my dad was.

There was the time I:

woke the whole house by climbing up in the attic and walking on the creaky floor over my parents’ bedroom early one morning
overcorrected a turn and drove into a yard at the top of a hill while learning to drive
flushed an item down the toilet and clogged the septic tank

These mistakes were explained to me (usually) calmly and corrections were requested (usually) just as calmly. He made me feel like I made a mistake, not like I was a mistake. There’s a big difference and it’s easy to miscommunicate. He made sure I knew my imperfections didn’t stop him from loving me. How often do we beat ourselves up because we feel like we failed? Three instances occur to me.

Failed Goals

When setbacks happen at work, it helps to remember our past successes. (If you don’t keep a success list for performance reviews, start. Now.) After reassuring ourselves, let’s reframe. This isn’t a failure, it’s an experiment. Was it a S.M.A.R.T. goal? Can we extend the deadline? Do we need additional resources to reach it? What if we tweak the process? We can analyze the data, then make a decision.

Failed Expectations

I registered to attend a free webinar given by a colleague. It was his second one. For the first one, he requested my help cohosting and I assumed (you know what assuming does) he’d want help again. Then I discovered a meeting scheduled for the same time that I’d rather attend because I’d have an opportunity to invite those participants to a webinar I was presenting the following week. I was disappointed I couldn’t attend the meeting. Then, I thought. “Why can’t I?”

The angel on one shoulder argued with the devil on my other shoulder:

Angel: Because you made a commitment.

Devil: They’ll be another webinar next quarter. Cancel the registration.

Angel: Your colleague will want your help again.

Devil: He hasn’t asked for it.

Angel: But you always put others’ interests ahead of your own.

THAT did it. I decided to attend the meeting instead of the webinar and if people think less of me for choosing what’s best for me, so be it.

Failed First Try

The team shot down my first idea for the website refresh in the project meeting this week. Does that mean I shouldn’t suggest another one next week? Is everyone judging me? Should I give up trying to be creative because I’m obviously embarrassing myself? Truth: my team probably forgot about my idea as soon as they left the Zoom room. I can’t remember what Joe’s big-SEO-lead-magnet-idea-that-tanked at last week’s meeting was. No one is holding our imperfections against us; except us. Let’s throw out our fixed mindsets and adopt growth mindsets. What exactly was it about my idea the team didn’t like? Was there a kernel of the idea they did like? Can I cultivate it and bring a revised idea to next week’s meeting? Struggling reminds us we’re stretching. Let’s not allow our mistakes to define us.

What flavor of imperfection is bugging you this week? Please share in the comments section.

How Did We Get Here?

For the last two (plus) months, COVID-19 has thrust circumstances on us: our jobs are harder (or gone), household chores multiplied, the kids’ online school had to be supervised, loss of autonomy, using technology to stay in touch with those we aren’t supposed to physically touch, etc. I’m sure your list is different and longer. I’ve awakened every day wondering, “What fresh hell can this be?” George Floyd’s death was a horrifying answer. Now that I’m awake, it’s time to stop and think about what I can do to make a positive difference; especially in the workforce. We were inundated by information last week. This is simplistic (Look, Listen, Learn), but I’ve got to begin my education in systemic racism somewhere.

Look

When it comes to work, I’m task oriented. I want to get through the Zoom, email, or report and get back to the work ASAP. I don’t often stop to acknowledge what’s going on outside the office even when it’s a protest. I don’t talk about how what I experience outside of work affects my ability to work. But systemic racism exponentially affects society’s ability to get anything done. How can our team do our best work if a coworker’s opinion gets discounted because of the color of her skin? Here is a good article on ways we can support our Black coworkers. Here’s a good article on what not to say.

Listen

It’s no longer enough to be non-racist. It’s time to be anti-racist; especially if we are in leadership positions. Here is a good article with practical suggestions. We must initiate the difficult conversations. We have to listen, particularly when it’s painful. Treating others the way we want to be treated isn’t enough, we must seek to understand. We have to make sure our teams know they are seen, heard, and we have their backs. We need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. The truth will hurt, but we could have a change of heart if we would only change our minds. We have to use our vote to demand accountability from our elected officials.

Learn

I don’t know what I don’t know, so research is my first instinct. Because racism can come in the form of being dismissed, (“What did he do to draw the attention of the police?”) I thought racism was like sexual harassment. I felt like, on a shallow level, I could empathize. But it’s not like sexual harassment, is it? For example, I’m not afraid of a police officer stopping me on my way to the office because I’m female. How did we get so messed up? Trevor Noah gives a good summation.

I apologize for my ignorance. I’ve got a lot to learn and maybe even more to unlearn. I hope you’ll be patient with me. When I’m quietly standing beside you, it’s not because I won’t defend you; it’s because I want to amplify your voice.

If you have trusted resources for learning about systemic racism, please share them in the comments section.

Teamwork Makes the Dream Playlist Work

After so many times asking each other, “Have you heard this song?” my best friend, Kelly, suggested we start a playlist in Spotify to keep track of them. Because we’re both rule followers and goal oriented, we had a couple of guidelines. The originals were: Listen without distraction (no driving, working, social media, etc. on first listen), preferably through headphones, and post at the same time every week. We inadvertently stumbled onto something deeper than trading songs. In this new world of COVID-19, people are turning to music and using it almost as a healing balm to our psyches.

Our original intent was to have fun in sampling each other’s taste in music, but after being at it for over a year, it’s evolved into a means of communication. We use it for commemoration and encouragement. We acquire a clearer understanding of each other’s worldview because our song choices reveal our personalities. The anticipation of new music (I’ve heard artists I never would’ve known otherwise), and trying to guess what the other is going to add, makes it a game. An unexpected side effect of building our playlist is how it’s affected my job.

Teamwork

Team members have to know what the goal is. I asked Kelly what she thought the goal of building our playlist was. She said, “…to share ideas, thoughts, and feelings that we may have had during the week through music. Doing this often generates conversations we may not have had otherwise, and can get us thinking about various things in ways we might not have before.” A team works toward the goal together, but we come at it from different perspectives. Building our playlist helps me be open to my team’s opinions on how to reach our goals.

Perseverance

I keep my ears open throughout the week and seek unusual sources for songs to surprise her. At work, this translates into pushing me to seek new and unusual ways to help my company grow.

Communication

We often ask each other why we chose that song this week, usually via text. We have to corral our thoughts and boil them down to those most important and present them briefly. I find myself editing my work emails down to short active sentences; a hallmark of good communication.

Deadlines

Sundays come with excruciating regularity. So do work deadlines. Our playlist helps me remember not to wait until the last minute to research my share of the project.

Relax

Our playlist reminds me to take a break from working. It’s something fun to look forward to instead of thinking about COVID-19 all the time.

One of the reasons humans love music so much is because it helps us express our feelings. Why try to put them into words when a musician has already done it so eloquently? Sometimes there aren’t adequate words to express our feelings. We need a crunchy guitar (or maybe a plaintive violin) solo to do it for us. Let’s think about adding music to our self-care routines. We can intentionally build a playlist for lifting our spirits. If we need some ideas, we can ask a friend to build one with us.

Do you have a song that makes you happy every time you hear it? Please share title and artist in the comments section.