Time – Page 7 – mardihumphreys.com

How Did We Get Here?

For the last two (plus) months, COVID-19 has thrust circumstances on us: our jobs are harder (or gone), household chores multiplied, the kids’ online school had to be supervised, loss of autonomy, using technology to stay in touch with those we aren’t supposed to physically touch, etc. I’m sure your list is different and longer. I’ve awakened every day wondering, “What fresh hell can this be?” George Floyd’s death was a horrifying answer. Now that I’m awake, it’s time to stop and think about what I can do to make a positive difference; especially in the workforce. We were inundated by information last week. This is simplistic (Look, Listen, Learn), but I’ve got to begin my education in systemic racism somewhere.

Look

When it comes to work, I’m task oriented. I want to get through the Zoom, email, or report and get back to the work ASAP. I don’t often stop to acknowledge what’s going on outside the office even when it’s a protest. I don’t talk about how what I experience outside of work affects my ability to work. But systemic racism exponentially affects society’s ability to get anything done. How can our team do our best work if a coworker’s opinion gets discounted because of the color of her skin? Here is a good article on ways we can support our Black coworkers. Here’s a good article on what not to say.

Listen

It’s no longer enough to be non-racist. It’s time to be anti-racist; especially if we are in leadership positions. Here is a good article with practical suggestions. We must initiate the difficult conversations. We have to listen, particularly when it’s painful. Treating others the way we want to be treated isn’t enough, we must seek to understand. We have to make sure our teams know they are seen, heard, and we have their backs. We need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. The truth will hurt, but we could have a change of heart if we would only change our minds. We have to use our vote to demand accountability from our elected officials.

Learn

I don’t know what I don’t know, so research is my first instinct. Because racism can come in the form of being dismissed, (“What did he do to draw the attention of the police?”) I thought racism was like sexual harassment. I felt like, on a shallow level, I could empathize. But it’s not like sexual harassment, is it? For example, I’m not afraid of a police officer stopping me on my way to the office because I’m female. How did we get so messed up? Trevor Noah gives a good summation.

I apologize for my ignorance. I’ve got a lot to learn and maybe even more to unlearn. I hope you’ll be patient with me. When I’m quietly standing beside you, it’s not because I won’t defend you; it’s because I want to amplify your voice.

If you have trusted resources for learning about systemic racism, please share them in the comments section.

Waiting on the World to Change

Mother’s Day has me reflecting on how different the workforce was when our daughter entered it in 2019 than when I became her mother in 1997. By then I was 10 years into my career and enjoyed it, but it was hard to be a Mom in the Workforce (MitW). I hoped it would be different by the time our daughter got her first full-time job; unfortunately, not so much. In 2019 only 66.4% of moms with children under six years old had jobs outside the home. Here are three things I think she should know about being a MitW.

You Will be Judged

MitW are expected to shine at both work and home. Society holds mothers to different standards than fathers. E.g., if a father does not take time off work to attend his child’s school function, no one thinks twice, but if a mother doesn’t show up, she gets labeled as a bad parent. Isn’t this belittling the father’s role (that’s a whole ‘nuther post) and overestimating the mother’s? Best practice is to ignore other people’s opinions of our parenting. Choosing between attending an important client meeting and our child’s science fair is a decision only we can make.

Work Life Balance is a Myth

COVID-19 has revealed a dirty little secret; MitW are still expected to handle the job, the kids, and the household. It’s time for conversation (divide up the chores), boundaries (stick to our own chores and resist the urge to redo things our way), and lower standards (dirty dishes in the sink overnight is acceptable). With everyone home we’ve fallen prey to Parkinson’s Law. There’s always something to do for work and there’s always something to do at home. That doesn’t mean we have to spend the same amount of time writing emails as baking banana bread (or whatever your form of self-care is). When we feel temporarily satisfied with the state of our inbox (no matter the time of day), if we feel like baking banana bread, it’s okay. Maybe you’d rather bake two loaves of banana bread, then tackle email. Best practice is to strive for work life harmony instead of balance.

It’s Not One and Done

Child rearing is an 18 year (at least) conversation between us, our co-parents, and children. Minds and circumstances change. Best practice is to decide what our non-negotiable boundaries are and occasionally revisit them with the affected parties before we say or do something we’ll regret. If quitting our jobs to raise our children is going to make us bitter, it would be better to keep working (if possible) even if it means enduring the stink eye from onlookers.

Does a woman have to be a wife, mother, sister, daughter, aunt, employee, cook, custodian, accountant, churchgoer, pet owner, and volunteer simultaneously to be considered “good?” Who has time to do all that? What happens if I don’t? Who made these rules? Do women aspire to be all that?

Please share the challenges you face (or faced) as a working parent in the comments section.

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

Sheltering at home has made me lose all track of time. COVID-19 didn’t take my job, so working from home means I’m always at work. I stress over emails. Do I ignore them outside regular office hours? Do I answer them because I’m bored? If I reply, does that set a precedent to answer email 24/7 when this is over? Where are my boundaries? I’m struggling with distraction, overthinking, and TMI. Do you feel the same? Here are some things we can do to exercise a bit of control over our time.

The Obvious

We know what we should do, let’s just do it. Make a new routine. Get dressed. (Slippers? Yes. Day time pajamas? No.) Eat healthy. Move our bodies. Start work at the same time every day. Connect with our teams. (And not just about work; how are they coping emotionally?) Take breaks (suggestions: listen to a podcast, walk the dog, study with the kids). Quit at the same time every day. Don’t work seven days a week.

Encourage

Until in-person networking events resume, we can spend more time on LinkedIn. Let’s wish someone a happy birthday, like an article a connection posted, thank those in healthcare, grocery, and other essential critical infrastructure for their hard work. I’m concentrating on both cheer leading for my connections and amplifying those looking for work.

Practice the Tech

We have to learn how to teleconference, decipher how our kids’ elearning platform works, figure out how much bandwidth we need, and which entertainment streaming services to use. It’s okay to take our time experimenting with features and figuring out what works best. Let’s not beat ourselves up for not being immediate experts on the new technologies all coming at us at once.

Communicate

Everyone who lives in our residences are home ALL. THE. TIME. And everyone is confused. Let’s ask for help. Can we stagger online meetings? Can we claim our own private work/school space? Can we respect a do-not-disturb note on the door when we need to work uninterrupted? Can we tag team supervising online learning? When our spouse has a virtual meeting, can we take the kids outside for recess?

Be Kind

There’s plenty of opportunity right now. We can check on our parents. Ask our neighbor if she needs something from the store before we head out. Video chat with our bestie. Stick a piece of paper on the refrigerator and ask everyone in our home to write one thing they’re grateful for on it everyday. Investigate ways our company can volunteer (e.g., help the local food bank or give blood). Hug the people we live with and stay six feet away from everyone else.

With our normal structure blown up, I think we feel pressured to be productive so we can prove our worth. But I think the source of that pressure may be ourselves. Our employers ask us to use our time wisely and that’s a big enough goal during this pandemic.

What are you doing to take control of your time during isolation? Please share in the comments section.

I Ran So Far Away

Erma Bombeck was right. The grass is always greener over the septic tank. At some point in our careers we’ve all had managers we loathe for any (or all) of these reasons:

He lives in his own reality
He takes credit for our success
He belittles our opinions
He doesn’t respect our boundaries

Then, we get a job offer. It’s:

More than 40 hours a week
Less money
A longer commute
The benefits aren’t as good as our current job
The required skills aren’t exactly in our wheelhouse

We impulsively quit the job we hate instead of asking ourselves, “Is it worth our T.E.A.M.?” Taking a job out of desperation to get away from the job we have allows our emotions to make the decision, and putting them in charge is usually not a wise choice. We should run to a new job, not from our current one.

We tell ourselves:

We can make it work
It’s not as bad as our last position
We’ll talk the boss into quickly advancing us

But after a couple of months, it’s not looking good. Now that we’re stuck, what do we do?

Give it Time

If we can stand it, we should stay in a job for one year to get through the normal growing pains of getting used to a new routine, new people, and a new environment. For example: we’ve joined an already established team. We won’t make friends on day one. We have to research:

Who is territorial?
Who is threatened by our being hired?
Who is jealous we got the position they were going for?
Whom can we trust?
Who pushes their own agenda?

If we assume an attitude of learning and ask how we can make our team mates’ projects easier, we’ll quickly find out what motivates them and how to best communicate with them.

Do a Self-assessment

What drove us away from our last job?
Was it only our toxic boss or were there other factors?
Was the environment dysfunctional?
Was there no diversity on our staff?

Make notes. If this job doesn’t work out, we don’t want to repeat history. We need to figure out our strengths. At our last job, were we in the field visiting clients the majority of the day and now we are tied to a desk and hate it? As for the current job, we should think about why we are unhappy and what it would take to make it work. Can we mold the position into something fulfilling? (Can it be more client facing than Excel facing?) Does it give us access to a better network? (Can we leverage networking events to find out who is hiring?) Will it pay for professional development opportunities? (Mastermind groups, Leadership cohorts, or an MBA?) Let’s consider what we really want from a job, so we can form a plan to move forward.

Talk to Someone

Vent to a friend, trusted coworker from our last job, or mentor; then ask them to objectively analyze our situation. Their encouragement and support will help, but the most valuable thing they can do is repeat back to us what they heard us say about our job. It will take some emotion out of the situation and help us think more objectively about our next steps.

Have you ever taken a job because you were desperate to get away from your current one? Please share how that worked out in the comments section.

LinkedIn is a Thing

I don’t know what my face looks like when I ask someone to connect and they say, “I don’t do LinkedIn,” but from their reactions, it’s not pretty. I’m surprised at the number of people who say they either don’t use the platform or they have a profile but don’t check it. When I ask why, they usually say it’s not worth their time. The honest people say they find it intimidating. With the volatility of the job market, we have to be open to opportunity. Even if you love your job, and don’t intend to leave it, it could leave you. Multiple income streams from both side gigs and passive income are smart strategies for securing your financial future and LinkedIn can help you find those opportunities. Let’s talk about the basic things you should do to have a presence on LinkedIn.

The Basics

In 2017, 95% of recruiters polled used LinkedIn to find candidates. So at least fill out a profile. It’s free. If the task seems daunting, check out your friends’ profiles, especially if they do a job similar to yours, and follow their examples. In your headline and profile summary (the About section) use the keywords they use to describe themselves. Keywords are one of the tools recruiters use to find you. If you have a recent headshot, use it as your profile picture. If not, have someone take one. A professional is best, but a selfie works if the lighting is good and the background is plain. Don’t use a headshot that’s more than five years old. If you arrive at an interview looking older than your photo, you leave the impression you’re less than honest. Your background photo is tricky because of the required dimensions (1584 x 396 pixels) and the fact it needs to accommodate your headshot in the lower left third of the shot. But if you can find one for free (try Pexels) that depicts what you do, it will set your profile apart from users who just leave the default background up. You can use your resume to fill out the rest of the sections (Experience, Education, Licenses and Certifications, Volunteer Experience, Skills and Endorsements, Accomplishments, and Interests).

Some other things to do:

-Use the search function to connect with people at companies you want to work for then like and comment on their posts
-Follow the pages of companies you like
-After you make some connections, go through their connections and ask them to introduce you via LinkedIn’s group message feature or email. Then ask those mutual connections for coffee or an informational interview
-Position yourself as a thought leader in your industry by writing and publishing articles using LinkedIn’s article publishing feature
-Find articles pertinent to your industry then post them on your timeline using links and hashtags to share them with as many of the LinkedIn community as possible

LinkedIn is a conversation and conversations are supposed to be fun. It takes time and effort to get started, but once you do, staying active is easy.

How do you make LinkedIn work for you? Please share in the comments section.

Time to Tune Out

Have you noticed in meetings there’s at least one team member on her phone, tablet, or laptop the entire time? She could be taking notes, but no one assumes that do we? Hopefully, we make enough eye contact with the client to indicate he has our full attention. If we’re in front of our screens this much at work, how much more are we in front of them outside of work, and how damaging is it?

Break the Binge

Most of us spend more time in front of screens than we realize. On the average, Americans watch over five hours of television a day, and almost four hours on our computers, tablets, and/or smartphones. If we turn them off, we can buy ourselves a huge chunk of our day back and maybe our relationships too. Can we really concentrate on the story our partners or kids are telling us if we’re distracted by the puppy video we just scrolled to on Instagram? With all that time we could read a book on personal development, walk the dog, or have coffee with a friend.

CVS is a Not Just a Drug Store

Computer Vision Syndrome (CVS) can happen when we spend hours looking at a computer or phone screen. When we use a computer at work, then go home and check our social media, that’s a lot of time exposed to screens. Do you use the 20-20-20 rule?

Couch Potato Chip

If we’re binge watching Netflix or spending the evening gaming after work, then we’re probably sitting still. If we aren’t moving around, we’re not burning calories or stretching our muscles, and we’re likely snacking. We’re not deeply connecting with people, but instead seriously considering feeding the Trolls. More good reasons to use the phone to either call a friend or play music while on the stationary bike instead of using it to cruise Twitter.

Put it Down and Walk Away

Here are the Mayo Clinic’s suggestions to help us put our devices away.

Here are mine:

Turn off notifications – If someone needs to get ahold of me in an emergency, they’re going to either text or call; not Facebook messenger me. Getting distracted by notifications on my phone throws me out of my flow while working. It takes so much time to recover, it’s not worth knowing which friends just added to their stories. Eliminating this distraction helps me be more productive and get things done then give my full attention to my friends Facebook stories at a more appropriate time.

Get rid of cable – My husband and I spent so many nights looking for (and failing to find) something to watch on our 189 cable television stations that when we moved three years ago, we didn’t bother subscribing to cable. We’ve found plenty to watch with an antenna and streaming services.

How do you convince yourself to step away from the screen? Please share your suggestions in the comments section.

Christmas Time is Here

The end of the year brings extra work at our companies: performance reviews, customer appreciations, year end financial closes, etc. Unfortunately these tasks happen at the same time we want to celebrate the holidays. How can we make the most of our time off work?

Unplug

This isn’t practical if we’re on call (doctors, firefighters, retailers, developers, you get the picture), but if we’re not, let’s avoid checking email the entire time we’re off. If we simply can’t bear the thought (guilty), limit it. How do we recognize our limit? If we’re constantly wondering whether or not that elusive client has replied yet, then for peace of mind, check. Consider checking email or noodling on projects at a set time every day (e.g., when you get up in the morning over coffee); only work at that time and for a certain amount of time (thirty to sixty minutes, maybe). I realized it was time to do this when my mom told me to stop checking my work email during our Thanksgiving meal prep.

Volunteer

We can go with a group or on our own. We can greet at our church’s Christmas Eve services or bag at our local food pantries. Giving our family and/or friends our full attention while serving our communities creates bonds that strengthens both our relationships and our mental health. Besides, we never know whom we might be serving alongside. Plenty of people meet potential employers while volunteering.

Relax

Holiday commitments often mean doing things we don’t want to (travel, making small talk with distant relatives, etc.). Let’s set aside a day, or at least a few hours, before January 2, to do something we want to do. Need some suggestions? If you’re an introvert, curl up with a book and hot cocoa or get that massage you desperately need but keep putting off. If you’re an extrovert, meet up with some friends for last-minute shopping, brunch, or a spa day.

Sleep

Time off is an opportunity to start a healthy routine of going to bed and getting up at the same time every day. If we’re visiting family or friends who want us to stay with them, but we have to crash on the couch, consider getting a hotel room. To me, having a place to retreat to rest is worth the cost.

Make Memories

Part of the fun of the holidays is remembering them for years afterward. Let’s create and participate in activities we can reminisce over. They don’t have to be expensive: make gingerbread cookies, embark on a selfie scavenger hunt, hold a board game tournament. Any activity that’s out of the ordinary (and maybe out of our comfort zones) will help us make memories to fondly recall in the years to come.

No matter how we choose to spend our time off, let’s commit to being present, eliminating as many distractions as possible, leaving our phones and laptops in another room, pushing some social engagements into January, and making time to focus on nurturing relationships and recharging ourselves.

Please share in the comments section how you intend to spend time away from work this holiday.

Time to be Thankful

Happy Thanksgiving! Work usually isn’t the first place we associate with gratitude. How would looking for opportunities to be thankful at our jobs this holiday week reinvigorate us?

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” —Oprah Winfrey

We attract what we focus on. If we focus on wanting what we have, we end up content. If we focus on what we don’t have, we become a bottomless pit of want. This week, let’s look around our workplaces for quality relationships and projects we’re thankful for; then think about how we can add value to them.

“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” —Willie Nelson

That’s not just the marijuana talking. We have more going for us than we realize. Let’s take a few minutes this week to write down five things we identify as blessings from our work. Let’s pay attention to those five blessings and see how they grow.

“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” —Charles Dickens

This week, let’s stop dwelling on our past mistakes. We can’t change them, but we can set up triggers so we don’t make them again. Failure is just information gathering. Misfortune happens to everyone. Life is famous for throwing curveballs. All we can do is prepare for them as best we can then get up, dust ourselves off, and get back on the field.

“We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.” ― John F. Kennedy

Let’s look around our workplaces and identify the teammates who make our jobs easier. Let’s make it a point this week to thank them and be specific. Did you get stuck with an angry customer on the sales floor and your coworker came over to de-escalate the situation? Thank her. Let’s build our support network by expressing our gratitude.

“What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.” ― Brené Brown

We didn’t get this job by ourselves. We either used our network, circle of influence, or references to get where we are. Let’s take a minute this week to send a thank-you email to the person who recommended us for this position. We wouldn’t be putting turkey on the table without them.

“Got no checkbooks, got no banks. Still I’d like to express my thanks – I’ve got the sun in the mornin’ and the moon at night.” ― Irving Berlin

Sometimes we can’t think of a single thing to be thankful for. Let’s at least be grateful for another day to go to work and make a positive difference in someone’s life.

“Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining – it bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn’t solve any problems.” ― Zig Ziglar

Don’t hold back, Zig. Tell us what you really think. He’s harsh, but correct. Let’s exude gratitude at work this week. Maybe we can start a chain reaction of thankfulness that will make everyone’s week more pleasant.

How will you express your gratitude this week? Please share your intentions in the comments section below.

There’s Nothing More Scary Than Losing Your Mind

Have you ever been gaslighted at work? The term, taken from the title of a 1938 play, refers to the process of someone slowly driving someone else crazy through psychological manipulation. It’s a specific pattern of emotional abuse and is considered workplace harassment. When it’s done by your manager, it’s very similar to Corporate Stockholm Syndrome. Since the manipulation is customized to the target, there’s no one-size-fits-all description, but here’s what gaslighting could look like coming from a coworker.

Behavior:

They consistently manipulate your perception of reality and refuse to talk about it (e.g., “I didn’t touch you inappropriately. I don’t have to listen to this.”).
They break the rules and claim you’re the one who broke them (e.g., you catch them lying and they blame you for forcing them to lie).
They withhold information you need (e.g., “The client meeting is today. Did you forget again?”).
They are ambitious, smart, critical, and have low self-esteem.
They can’t handle negative feedback, jockey for leadership positions on the team, and sabotage your work (e.g., change deadlines after you start working on the project).
They make passive aggressive comments that come off as funny.
They are charming and have great people skills.
They are office gossips; getting others to engage so they have more dirt on more coworkers.
They take credit for your ideas and when you call them on it, they say they had to tweak your idea to make it work, so it was no longer yours.

Why it happens:

They see you as competition. To get ahead, they gaslight you to make you look incompetent to management or to get you fired.
They want you to behave the way they choose while avoiding responsibility for their manipulation.
Controlling you makes them feel powerful.

Signs:

By its very nature (done slowly and sneakily), it can be hard to identify.

They make you doubt your skills, intelligence, and/or your sense of reality.
They give you backhanded compliments (e.g., “Great job on the presentation. I thought for sure you’d choke.”).
If you feel paranoid all the time (not just at work), confused (second-guessing your memory), too sensitive, overreactive, guilty, and/or depressed, you may be a victim of gaslighting.

What you should do:

Document everything; seeing the abuse in words helps you decide if gaslighting is actually happening (i.e., you are not imagining it) and it gives you proof to take to HR if you choose to.
Keep gaslighting emails they sent you in a folder under your inbox and forward them to your private email account, so you have a backup. If your company has access to your work email, just keep the evidence in your private email account.
Write down descriptions of inappropriate interactions as soon as they happen before you forget what was said, done, and where it happened. Email these documents to both your work and private accounts so they will be time and date stamped.
Ask your coworkers if it’s happening to them too. If so, ask them to document their interactions also. HR is more likely to believe you if you can prove the gaslighter is treating coworkers the same way they’re treating you.
When meeting with the gaslighter, have at least one other person in the meeting to verify what was said.
Call the gaslighter out on their behavior and words. Know your worth and expertise and hold your boundaries.
Remind yourself that you are smart and capable.

Please share your experience of being gaslighted in the comments section below.

Workforce 2.0

If you had twins, a boy and a girl, who started kindergarten this year, they’ll graduate high school in 2032. Being the forward thinker you are, what skills should you teach now to prepare them to join the workforce? Should you teach your daughter the same skills as your son? I found five skills that give both boys and girls a head start in the workforce.

1. Social skills

The social skills children learn in kindergarten can determine whether they end up in the workforce or prison. (No pressure, Mom and Dad.) Model the behavior you want them to exhibit (e.g., control yourself when you’re angry). To develop social skills, they have to be around their peers. Arrange play dates, take them to story time at the library, put them in children’s programs at your church. Sometimes you need to be present to observe and correct their behavior, and sometimes you need to be absent so they can test what they’ve learned.

2. Chores

Ask them to empty smaller waste cans throughout your house into your kitchen trashcan then have them accompany you when taking it out. When they’re older, they can assume the whole process. The same applies to cleaning their rooms, doing laundry, emptying the dishwasher, etc. When they help you, they get used to collaborating which is a skill they’ll need for future group projects in school, playing team sports, and eventually on the job. It’s helpful to praise their efforts and not their outcomes (e.g., first praise them for putting their plates in the dishwasher, then ask them to rinse them first next time). This instills a growth mindset which is crucial for success in the workforce.

3. Communication

Teach them how to translate emotions into words instead of acting out (e.g., Your child throws a toy because he’s frustrated. Ask him why he threw the toy, then help him find the words to express the emotion.). You also want to teach fundamental skills like making eye contact, saying please, thank you, and sorry, and listening without interrupting.

4. Decision Making

Let them choose what clothes to wear. If she wants you to decide for her, pull out two or three outfits and have her choose one. Let them choose their friends. Only intervene if the friend is a bad influence (e.g., a bully). Don’t snowplow parent. Prepare your child for the road; don’t prepare the road for your child (e.g., Did she leave her reading book at home? Don’t take it to school for her.).

5. How to Fail

Creative problem solving and critical thinking are the top two skills employers want. When they’re about to have a non-catastrophic fail, let it happen. Then frame it as a learning opportunity. Help them figure out why they failed and what they can do to prevent failing that same way next time (e.g., You’ve told him three times to put his dirty clothes in his laundry basket. He left his favorite shirt on the floor and now he wants to wear it to school, but can’t because it has a stain on it. Help him figure out a trigger he can create to remind himself to put that shirt in his laundry basket.).

Do you agree with this list? What skills do you think the workforce of 2032 will need? Please share in the comments section below.