Stress – Page 12 – mardihumphreys.com

You Can Do Hard Things

Merriam-Webster defines resilience as a noun meaning “1: the capability of a strained body to recover its size and shape after deformation caused especially by cohesive stress and 2: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.” Thanks to the pandemic, I can apply both of these definitions to my life. 1: My strained body needs to recover its shape after the deformation caused by COVID-19’s cohesive stress. 2. I strive to adjust to pandemic-induced change, but the constant pivoting makes me nauseous.

TMI

For this discussion, let’s stick with the second definition. We talked about a form of resilience in this earlier post. Other ways to think of resilience are Viktor Frankl’s theory of Tragic Optimism, Friedrich Nietzsche’s adage what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, and even the Serenity Prayer. (I like Erma Bombeck’s version at the bottom of page 11.)

IRL

It’s physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting to think about our ingrained routines and adjust them for COVID-19. For example: Let’s say you’re a mom with a husband and two kids, one school age and one younger. You work in an office and your husband is a trucker. Every morning pre-pandemic, you:

Kissed your husband goodbye
Dropped your younger child at daycare
Dropped your older child at school
Hit your favorite coffee shop
Went to the office

Now, your husband is constantly on the road, your children are home, and your favorite coffee shop is closed. You’re working from home, but need faster internet to accommodate both your teleconferences and your older child’s online school. Overwhelmed? Resilience is taking baby steps toward solutions.

Buy some quality coffee and make yourself a pot
Call your internet provider and upgrade your speed
Tell your husband you’ll be thinking about him while he’s on his route today
Color with your youngest
Listen to your oldest’s struggle with an assignment
Email your manager. How is he doing? What is the one thing he’d like you to accomplish today?

Whew, you did it! You made it through the day! Take a deep breath and relax.

FTW

COVID-19 fatigue is real. You can get through any trial when you know it’s going to end; like a pregnant woman in labor. With no end in sight, you have to adjust your goals. In his book, Survival Psychology, John Leach describes transitioning from short term survival behavior to long term survival behavior. It seems very similar to the grieving process (e.g., shock, denial, anger, acceptance). One key is self-discipline, but be careful of thinking in absolutes like, “I’ve blown my diet by eating one cookie, so I may as well eat the whole bag.” One lapse does not ruin anything. Try again. Another key is your value system. Keep reminding yourself who you are and what you do. For example, say out loud to yourself:

I’m (your name)
I’m a (what you do) for my clients (or team)
The most important task for me to accomplish today is (your number one priority)
The next step to getting it done is (you get the idea).

Silly? Maybe, but it helps you to both focus and prioritize. Filter your priority list through the company’s current mission statement, which may have shifted because of COVID-19. (E.g., your company went from producing rum to hand sanitizer.) The company’s purpose should drive your daily tasks.

How is your company helping you be resilient? Please share in the comments section.

Thank You, Future Self

As the global pandemic drags on and reshapes our economy, I’ve learned a few things. Spending our money on local small businesses is more important than ever, I can make really good coffee at home, and I should not look at my 401 (k) statement right now. What are some things you can do to financially sustain yourself through this seemingly endless crisis?

Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

Reduce – It may be difficult to increase your income right now, but you can find ways to save it. You aren’t driving your vehicle as much as you did pre-COVID-19, so you’re saving money on gas, oil changes, and wear and tear. Working (or not) from home eliminates the need for walking around money (e.g., money spent on coffee shops, lunches out, parking fees, etc.). You’re saving money simply by not being able to spend it. This should have added up fairly significantly eight months into the stay-at-home order. Move that money to your long-term savings account where it will earn interest.

Reuse – Stay away from online shopping. Yes, those yoga pants you found on Amazon are cute, but don’t you already have three pair of cute yoga pants? Cancel automatic renewals. Don’t you have enough goodies from Watch Gang, Trendy Butler, or BREO BOX to last a while?

Recycle – Compare your monthly expenses from February to October. Note any savings and why they happened. Can you sustain any of the circumstances that caused those savings once the world opens up more? For example, you saved money by working from home. Is it possible to make remote work more permanent? You’ve probably already thought about it, so take the next step and make a list of what it would require. Then, you’ll be ready with a plan to present to your manager when the time is right.

Let’s Make a Deal

Credit card companies make money selling debt and counting on you to pay it back with interest. If you have run up over $5000 in charges, (especially if you’ve lost your job) call your lender. Ask them to suspend payments for two months and to permanently lower your interest rate. Do not take them up on their offer to sell you more debt. With so many borrowers unable to repay due to COVID-19, credit card companies are in a bind and willing to work with you now more than ever. Take this opportunity to renegotiate the terms of your credit agreement. A new arrangement will protect your credit score.

You Can’t Touch This

Your assets are low right now, so don’t sell them. If you have a 401(k) and/or an IRA and get scared easily, don’t look at your account statements. If you get another stimulus check, consider putting it in your IRA if you can currently live without it. The people who managed to save money back in the recession of 2008 are still hitting their long-term savings targets. You have more financial support from the government than during the last recession. It’s not a lot, but it’s useful.

It feels like the pandemic will last forever, but nothing does, so resist the urge to live for today and think of your future self and what that person will need: food, clothing, and shelter. Even if you move just $25 a week to your long-term savings account, after one year, that’s $1300 your future self can live on.

How are you resisting the urge to panic over your budget? Please share in the comments section.

I Wish I’d Known

“Mom had made sure we were exposed to ideas and information that were not available to her as a young woman.” Brene Brown, Rising Strong

When I ran across that quote, it reminded me there are umpteen things I want my daughter to know about work because she’s a woman. Here are three.

Assertive and Likable

If you intend to be a leader, that violates current gender stereotypes. Research shows when a woman’s behavior violates gender stereotypes, it’s harder for her to advance in the organization. At my first full-time job, a male coworker chuckled at me, “Stop working so hard. You’re making the rest of us look bad.” The very behavior that could put me on a leadership path, made him uncomfortable. I navigated this by asking for help and including others (particularly male colleagues) when making decisions. To get promoted, I had to be both assertive and likable and that is not easy. Unfortunately, the business world hasn’t changed much.

Work-life Balance

If your job is building dependent (e.g., hospital, school, grocery), you have a better shot at work-life balance because you leave your work at the building. But you may be putting in more hours there keeping up with the demands of COVID-19, particularly if you work a frontline job. The pandemic revealed plenty of jobs aren’t tied to a specific building and can be done any time of day, blurring the line between work and home. As a woman, the work-life balancing act is more difficult thanks to stereotypical gender roles. The term work-life balance has a negative connotation, as if work isn’t part of your life. I suggest you strive for work-life integration. Pre-pandemic, this worked particularly well for those who have control over how and where they spend their workday. COVID-19 forced more employers to not only allow employees to work remotely, but also consider the possibility of making remote work a permanent option. Consequently, you have more opportunity to shape your day now than ever before and for the foreseeable future. It’s easy to go overboard and work too much, and there will be times when work is slow and life demands more of your attention. But if you create a schedule, coordinate with your partner and kids, unplug regularly to intentionally rest, work-life integration is more practical than work-life balance.

Own Your Success

In school, you work hard and get noticed. That doesn’t happen in the workforce. You have to promote yourself. First, internalize the fact you earned the right to recognition. We tend to remember our failures better than our successes, so keep a running list of your wins (e.g., attained goals set in your last performance review, clients you’ve landed, the number of clicks on the page you created for the company’s website). Second, accept compliments. Women are famous for diluting our achievements. We attribute our success to luck or we overshare credit. You work hard; accept recognition for it. This is not bragging. Just say thank you. Express gratitude for the contributions of coworkers who helped you, but don’t exaggerate their efforts and underestimate yours.

What advice do you give your daughters about work? Please share in the comments section.

Tick Tock Your Life is a Clock

You don’t have to make sweeping changes to the way you work to be more productive. COVID-19 has already brought sweeping changes to the way you work. Whether you are back in the office or still remote, little tweaks to your processes can have big results by the end of the week.

Concentrate

Multitasking is a myth. Even if you only spend five minutes concentrating on one task, you’ll get it done faster. You can’t prevent interruptions, but you can minimize distractions like silencing your phone and putting it out of reach so you can’t hear the social media notifications going off. Be proactive and don’t instantly react. Let the phone call go to voicemail. Let the email that just arrived sit in the inbox. Refuse the ad hoc meeting. Turn off instant message. Mute the computer. Are you a procrastinator? If your manager does not do regular accountability meetings, assign yourself project deadlines and write up your own weekly status reports. Take the last half hour of the day to determine what can be put off until tomorrow. The list should be both specific and realistic. For example: achieving inbox zero is not an acceptable task. Return Boss’s email regarding corporate holiday gifts, is. Calendar tasks that are important, but not urgent for times in your day you can count on having a quiet space in which to work.

Control

Most of us are really bad at estimating the passage of time. Keep track of how much you actually spend on tasks, including checking social media. An app may help. If the task is something you can do in less than five minutes, do it. Is there a task you’ve been dreading? Do it first and get it over with. When you receive a meeting request, ask yourself if your presence is necessary. Can you request an email summary or delegate someone else to attend? Speaking of email, most of it is someone adding a task to our list. Check your inbox at regular intervals. (Because you’ve muted the notification, right?) As soon as you log on, reply to every message that takes no more than two minutes to answer. If the message takes longer, write a rough draft, but don’t send it. A couple of hours later, refine it, and send it if you’re satisfied, then, repeat the process with the emails that arrived during that time. Schedule tasks according to when you feel most alert. Do deep work when you have the most brain power and routine tasks when you have the least.Take a break. Get up and stretch, walk around the block, or check social media. Change your scenery. Going outside or even just to a different room can boost your productivity.

You will get distracted and you will get mad at yourself for it. Forgive yourself and move on. Don’t overthink. Complete is greater than perfect. Do it. Leave it. Return to it. When all you’re changing are nitpicky details, submit it.

What are your productivity tips? Please share them in the comments section.