“Think outside the box,” they say. But teleconferencing (I use Zoom) is a box we have to think inside of. It saves time and money, but what about energy and attention? We yearn for the in-person interactions we used to have, but recreating them virtually is setting our Zooms up for doom. We should approach our various interactions like they’re sports. Each sport has its own set of rules. We don’t play volleyball using the rules for basketball. Neither should we Zoom using in-person protocols. If our mindset is how we can best communicate within the constraints of teleconferencing, then we won’t be so forgetful, distant, quick-tempered, sleepy, and in need of a massage at the end of a day of Zooming.
When communicating, we assign 60-70% of all meaning to non-verbal behaviors like appearance, posture, and facial expressions. The cognitive load this takes to process over Zoom is both invisible and takes more energy than we realize. We stare at other people in proximity reserved for intimate conversations. If I’m at a conference room table with seven other people, I’m not inches away from their faces and staring at them for an hour. But on Zoom, I am. The intensity is exhausting.
We think harder about both giving and receiving non-verbals. In a 1.50 hour meeting last week with seven other people, I felt compelled to nod in agreement until I looked at all seven onscreen. In person, I typically nod three times no matter how many people are in the meeting. I studied the participants’ facial expressions during the silences following thorny questions. I reminded myself to look at the camera while speaking so it appeared I’m making eye contact. It’s work to connect emotionally when delivering our message to a lit dot at the top of our computer screens.
We mentally deal with distractions. While Zooming, calendar reminders, IMs, and email notifications go off. Even if we mute the sound notifications, a visual reminder pops up. (That’s my own fault, but not only is turning them off and on all day a pain; remembering to turn them off and on is too.) The landscapers mow the lawn outside our windows. The kids yell for us. The cat walks across the keyboard. Pretending these distractions aren’t happening isn’t something we have to deal with in person. When I’m at an in-person coffee meeting, I may have to ignore the other customers around us to concentrate on what my potential client is saying, but I’m not distracted by my sleeping dog snoring at my feet.
We look at ourselves for hours. There’s a hide self view on Zoom, but I want to see how others see me. When I’m concentrating hard on a speaker, my face looks like I disapprove. I need to see that non-verbal in order to adjust it. After a couple hours of Zooming, I notice how tired I look. This triggers a domino effect. It lowers my self-esteem, which lowers my confidence, which lowers my desire to participate in the meeting.
No commute allows us to stack multiple Zooms back to back. But just because we can doesn’t mean we should. Lately, when I offer to meet on Zoom, in-person, or with a phone call, my counterpart is politely open to all. When I say I’m tired of Zooming, they’re relieved (three people just last week). Pre-COVID, there were plenty of meetings that should have been emails. Now, there are plenty of Zooms that should be emails, phone calls, or IMs.
Are you aware of the toll teleconferencing is taking on your energy and attention? Please share in the comments.