Mental Health – Page 2 – mardihumphreys.com

Mindset over Matters

I was watching American Ninja Warrior when one of the ninjas fell off the Las Vegas course. She had gotten really far and it was a heartbreaker. As the ninja pulled herself out of the pool of water that broke her fall, the show’s interviewer approached and asked her how she felt. The ninja said she intended to use this setback as a push forward. Mind. Blown.

We’ve talked about how setbacks are inevitable, and how we should embrace failing fast, forward, and frequently. We’ve discussed how data gathered from perceived failure is crucial to the learning process. But we have not championed the mindset of framing setbacks as pushes forward. When you substitute the words “push forward” for the word “setback” you normalize the occurrence. You remove the shame surrounding it. Relabeling the undesired outcome helps you quickly pivot from crisis mode to troubleshooting. To further illustrate, here are a couple of quotes that crossed my path this week.

“I have learned to always push forward following a setback. As I tell my team (and my kids), ‘There is always a way forward’ even when things do not seem to be going our way. There are always lessons to be learned from mistakes. But at some point, it becomes unproductive and unhelpful to dwell on mistakes for too long — backward-looking thinking must quickly give way to forward-looking action. I have adopted one of the sayings from Peraton’s CEO Stu Shea: ‘Surround the problem.’ When my team hits a setback, we work together to stabilize the situation, understand what occurred, and then identify and mobilize the right people and resources to ‘surround the problem’ and move us forward.”
Jim Winner, Executive Chief Legal Officer and General Counsel at Peraton.

“I was rehearsing a play when I was a very young actor. There was an improvised scene between a husband and wife going on inside. They got carried away and they started throwing things and he threw a chair and it lodged in the doorway and I went to open the door and I’d just got my head round and I said, ‘I’m sorry, sir, I can’t get in.’ He said, ‘What do you mean?’ I said, ‘There’s a chair there.’ He said to me, ‘Use the difficulty.’ I said, ‘What do you mean?’ He said, ‘Well, if it’s a comedy, fall over it. If it’s a drama, pick it up and smash it. Use the difficulty.’ Now, I took that into my own life. You ask my children. Directly anything bad happens, they go, ‘Gotta use the difficulty. What can we get out of this?’ Use the difficulty. There’s never anything so bad that you cannot use that difficulty. If you can use it a quarter of one percent to your advantage, you’re ahead. You didn’t let it get you down. That’s my philosophy. Use the difficulty. Also, added philosophy, avoid them if you can at all costs.”
Sir Michael Caine CBE

The next time you are at work and about to say out loud, “We’ve hit a setback,” stop and think. If you substitute the words “push forward” for the word “setback,” how would it motivate your team to surround the problem and use the difficulty? Please share in the comments.

Unpleasantly Surprised

Have you ever felt like you’re riding a roller coaster without a seatbelt, blindfolded? That’s the sensation the modern work environment often induces, and there’s a term that sums it up perfectly: VUCA. It is an acronym for Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous. Understanding and embracing the concept of VUCA can be the key to surviving in the constantly evolving workplace. Let’s breakdown what a VUCA work environment feels like and how to cope with it.

What it Feels Like

Volatile: Imagine waking up every morning not knowing whether the coffee maker will brew a perfect cup or explode. That’s the essence of volatility in the workplace. When change happens faster than you can say “meeting agenda,” then flexibility becomes a core capability.

Uncertain: Imagine a surprise party that never ends. That’s the essence of uncertainty in the workplace. Will your project get a green light? Will your team be reshuffled? Will the strategy you’ve been working on suddenly take a hard left turn? To thrive in this environment, you’ve got to be the MacGyver of adaptability, ready to craft a solution out of a paperclip and a piece of gum.

Complex: Imagine assembling a toddler’s toy with more parts than a Swiss watch. That’s the essence of complexity in the workplace. Departments intertwine like spaghetti, and understanding the big picture is like deciphering hieroglyphs. To conquer complexity, you’ve got to be Velma Dinkley, seeking out clues and patterns while keeping an eye out for the red herrings that can throw you off track.

Ambiguous: Imagine reading a book with pages missing. That’s the essence of ambiguity in the workplace. Ambiguity requires deciphering meaning from bits and bytes of information gathered from multiple channels. You have to piece together what your team is supposed to accomplish from various sources.

How to Cope

Develop a resilient attitude. As Rocky Balboa says, “…it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward;” You will get mentally knocked down. Train your brain to get up again and again and again.

Embrace continuous learning. In a VUCA world, what you know today will be obsolete tomorrow. You have to learn a skill (for example a computer language), use it, unlearn it, learn the next iteration, rinse and repeat. Acquire new knowledge as circumstances shift.

Foster collaboration. Your team is in the same VUCA environment as you are. Collaborate with your colleagues, share insights, and lean on each other’s strengths to create solutions together. Iron sharpens iron. Diverse perspectives cultivate unconventional approaches to problem solving. This is how breakthroughs happen.

Practice self-care. Amidst the chaos, carve out moments of peace and quiet. Celebrate every incremental step toward your goal. You need to refresh to reduce harmful stress and recharge to make accurate decisions.

Embracing the challenges that a VUCA workplace presents can help you become antifragile. Something that is antifragile not only survives but also thrives from coping with adversity.

How do you navigate working in a VUCA environment? Please share in the comments.

Site Inspection

Last week, we looked at some ways employers can begin to solve the working remotely challenge. This week, let’s discuss your role. As an employee, you have a few questions to contemplate. Does your organization consider working remotely a privilege or a right? Are you willing to take a pay cut to work remotely? What message are you sending to your managers? Is it clear, kind, and collaborative?

Both employers and employees require communication, empathy, and flexibility to effectively negotiate. This week, let’s think about what constructive steps employees can take to help build a bridge across the working remotely gap.

Communication

Build your case for working remotely. You can include why it is best for you, but put more emphasis on why it benefits both your manager and your organization. For example, working remotely reduces your commute time. This is good for you because it saves you money. It’s good for your manager and your organization because you can spend that time working instead of commuting.
Provide data that supports your case for remote work. Pull up your Atta Baby file. Do you have any documentation of your increased productivity, successful project outcomes, and positive feedback from colleagues and/or clients from March 2020 to the present?
After gathering your evidence, schedule a meeting with your manager. Clearly and calmly present your case. Give brief illustrations of how remote work has positively impacted your work quality, efficiency, and overall well-being. Then actively listen to your manager’s perspective. Understand their reasons for wanting you in the office full-time. This can help you find common ground and empathize with their concerns.

Empathy

If your manager has specific doubts about you working remotely, address them directly. For example, if they’re worried about collaboration, share how you plan to stay connected with colleagues and contribute to team projects while off site.
Highlight how you’ll maintain accountability and meet your metrics. Describe to your manager how you’ll be available, responsive, and productive. For example, someone who emails you with a simple request on a Wednesday at 8:00am can expect a reply from you within thirty minutes.
Be receptive to your manager’s feedback and open to adjusting your proposal based on their input.

Flexibility

Suggest compromises that address both your needs and your manager’s misgivings. How about a hybrid schedule where you’re in the office for certain days or specific team meetings?
Suggest a trial period for this arrangement and ways to both evaluate its effectiveness and make adjustments as needed.
If the conflict remains unresolved, consider involving Human Resources to mediate. They can provide guidance on the interpretation of your organization’s policies.
If you and your manager come to an agreement, document the details in writing to avoid any misunderstandings later.
If you do not reach an agreement, that gives you valuable data. It shows you what your employer expects. It also reveals the conditions under which you are willing to work. You can use this information to make decisions regarding your future with this organization.

The goal is to find a solution that benefits both you and your employer, and meets the needs of your team and your organization. Effective communication and a willingness to compromise are essential for reaching a resolution that everyone can support.

How is working remotely affecting your work life integration? Please share in the comments.

The Cure

Work standards seem to change daily. For example: Should we go fully remote? Hybrid? Every employee everywhere in the office all at once? But there is a constant; the pressure for perfection. Perfectionism is like a virus spreading through your organization. Let’s talk about how embracing curiosity can help you cure it.

Help Yourself

If you feel like you have to get work done right the first time, every time, then you don’t want to work. Turning projects down puts you on the fast track to unemployment. But adopting a curious mindset puts you on the fast track to continuous improvement. Accept the project. Ask yourself, “What is the worst that could happen?” Then plan for it. Having a plan helps you build confidence and resilience.
It’s likely that the worst will not happen, but a lesser problem will. When it does, be proactive. Demonstrate you can recognize problems, reframe them as challenges and opportunities, and brainstorm ways to move forward.
Perfection is neither necessary nor constructive. If perfection is your goal, then setbacks will emotionally devastate you and eventually lead to burnout. Curiosity, however, helps you bounce back from setbacks by focusing on the learning process rather than the result. You become more adaptable and better equipped to navigate the inevitable challenges.
Curiosity drives you to explore new areas, learn from different disciplines, and consider diverse perspectives. When curiosity is a habit, you perpetually broaden your knowledge base and develop your reputation as a skilled risk taker. Perfectionists often avoid taking risks, because they are afraid they will fail and coworkers will judge them for it.
Curiosity empowers you to step out of your comfort zone and seize opportunities for professional growth. Whether it’s pursuing a new project, volunteering for a challenging task, or taking on a leadership role. This is the type of talent every organization wants.

Help Your Team

If perfection is the standard your organization expects, then your team routinely feels like they failed. Perfectionism stifles creativity and innovation. On the other hand, curiosity sparks new possibilities. When you experiment and question the status quo, you find unique solutions to problems.
You can reframe failure as a learning tool for your team. The next time a coworker is blamed for missing the target, support them. For example, at the next team meeting say to them in front of everyone, “This is great. Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention. Since that piece did not turn out the way we wanted it to, what do you think we should keep and what do you think we should try next to get the outcome the client wants?” This turns the problem into a puzzle. It diffuses embarrassment and redirects thinking toward the next iteration.
A culture that promotes curiosity over perfection encourages open communication and collaboration. When team members are not afraid to ask questions and to seek help from colleagues, it fosters a supportive work environment where knowledge sharing and ideation thrive. In such a workplace, employees are more likely to feel engaged, valued, and motivated.

Focusing on curiosity over perfection is a powerful shift in mindset that can transform your approach to work. By embracing failure as part of the learning process, you build resilience, expand your skills, and create paths for advancement.

When a project at work does not meet expectations, how do you redirect your thinking toward curiosity? Please share in the comments.

Finance is Personal

For most of us, money is not fun. You usually have to work to get it, spend some of it on things you’d rather not, and managing it can be confusing. But if you don’t manage it, then it will manage you. So, let’s simplify by putting personal finance into the 5Ws and an H framework. Who, what, when, where, why, and how should you manage your money?

Who: Everyone

What: Personal finance means controlling your income, expenses, savings, investments, and debt by making informed decisions to meet both your short-term and long-term financial goals.

When: Now

Where: There are numerous options for where to put your money to make it work for you. Traditional brick-and-mortar banks and credit unions are good for everyday transactions. High-yield savings accounts at online banks are good for longer-term savings. For investments there are apps, brokers, wealth managers, and plenty of others willing to help you. Here are some options to consider.

Why: Managing your personal finances gives you peace of mind, helps you reach financial independence and allows you to achieve your goals. Having an emergency fund and long-term savings gives you confidence to take career risks. For example, taking a job at start up or opening your own business. You have a lot of freedom when you aren’t dependent on others for monetary support. You have flexibility to choose where and how you want to live, work, volunteer, and play. Whether it’s saving for retirement, buying a house, or paying for education, managing your finances is crucial to reaching your life goals.

How:

Build a realistic budget based on your monthly income and expenses that covers all your essential needs like housing, utilities, groceries, transportation, loans, credit card balances, and emergency fund
Pay off debt particularly high-interest credit cards and loans. Make more than the minimum payment if you can. Avoid accumulating more debt unless it’s absolutely necessary. Being debt free helps you maintain a good credit score and gives you access to financial opportunities like investing
Grow your money by setting up automatic transfers to your savings account each month. Your long-term goal is to save at least 20% of your income. Eventually you can use your savings to make a big purchase like a dream vacation, a car, or whatever you want
Make your money work for you by investing it wisely. If you are a patient person, a financial advisor or wealth manager can help you choose a portfolio of stocks, bonds, and mutual funds. If retirement is many years away for you, these are good ways to grow your nest egg. A financial advisor should also be able to help you understand your responsibilities for taxes, insurance, and retirement planning

When you have control over your finances, you are empowered to handle unexpected expenses, cope with economic downturns, and secure your future.

What do you do to manage your personal finances? Please share in the comments.

An Inside Job

“I know who I am; I know what I can and can’t do. I know what I will and won’t do. I know what I am capable of and I don’t agree to do things that I don’t think I can pull off.”
Dolly Parton

It is very self-aware of Dolly to realize she has many strengths and some weaknesses. She identifies each then chooses to leverage her strengths to her advantage. This ability has served her well both as an entertainer and in business. You can do the same thing. When you understand your values, motivations, and priorities you can intentionally make choices that align with your long-term aspirations. For example, let’s say you are not a fan of cold-calling, but you know making five extra calls a day will help you reach your monthly goal faster. You are a fan of your organization’s product/service and are good at talking about it when you train new coworkers. You write down what you said to your last trainee and use it as an alternate script for the extra five daily cold calls. How else can developing self-awareness help you succeed in your career?

Continuous Improvement

Use self-awareness to help you identify areas for improvement. Feedback from people you trust is a good way to pinpoint what new skills you want to acquire. For example, in your latest 1:1, your manager wants to know why the last three reports you turned in were not formatted correctly. You admit you are struggling with the new suite of office applications. This should spur your manager to support you with training to increase your capabilities. Your willingness to develop a skill that benefits your employer signals to your manager that you are aware your success follows the success of the organization.

Building Relationships

Authentic relationships based on trust, empathy, and mutual understanding help you navigate different work dynamics and collaborate effectively with diverse teams. Self-awareness helps you recognize and manage your emotions. This is key to minimizing conflict and paves the way to more constructive interactions. It helps you recognize biases or blind spots that may influence your decision-making process, allowing you to approach decisions more objectively. For example, by understanding your communication style, strengths, and weaknesses, you can adapt your approach to better connect with coworkers and clients. Self-awareness also allows you to learn from your experiences, including failures, and make adjustments.

Self Care

Self-awareness promotes a deeper understanding of your personal principles, passions, and purpose. Aligning your career choices with your values helps you find fulfillment and satisfaction in your work. Defining your needs and boundaries enables you to establish healthier work-life integration. Self-awareness helps you understand your triggers and how you respond to pressure. When you notice your emotional patterns, you can formulate strategies to effectively manage the stress they cause, maintain focus, and make wise choices during challenging situations.

Cultivating self-awareness is an iterative process. It requires introspection, reflection, and feedback. Paying attention to self-awareness helps you unlock your potential, make informed choices, and thrive.

How has self-awareness benefitted your career? Please share in the comments.

Spending the Summer

How is it Independence Day already? If you’re going to take a summer vacation, the season is half over. Yes, travel is pricey, but there are ways to mitigate the expense. Here are a few strategies to stretch your hard-earned money.

Plan for Spontaneity

If you don’t have your heart set on a certain destination, then start with your budget. Your vacation has categories like transportation, accommodations, food, and entertainment. Assign dollars to these categories, but keep in mind that the price things cost changes every day.
Prices follow demand. If you can vacation at an off-peak time and place, (e.g., Tuesday – Thursday in Columbus instead of Friday – Sunday in Orlando) then travel and lodging will be cheaper.
Use a travel app (Travelzoo, Skyscanner, Hopper, etc.) to research discounts. Enable notifications so you are alerted when the price of flights and hotels goes down. Check your loyalty programs. Do you have points to use?
If you choose to fly, check your airline’s baggage policy before packing your suitcase. Can you fit everything in a carry-on? If so, you can avoid excessive baggage fees.
What is going on at your destination? Is there a fair or festival? Is there a ballpark offering a discount day? Is there a coupon for a museum tour? Does a local restaurant offer a kids-eat-free-with-adult-purchase option? If you can plan your itinerary around deals on entertainment and eating, then you can save a lot of money.

Go Further Together

Can you vacation with family or friends? If you travel in a group then you can divide the costs. For example, if you drive, you can carpool and take turns paying for gas. If you stay in a hotel, you may be able to negotiate a group rate. Or, check out websites like Airbnb or VRBO for alternatives. What about renting a house? When you have a kitchen you can all chip in to buy groceries. You can either take turns cooking or you can make meals together instead of eating out every day. When you do eat out, look for locally-owned restaurants to support. Restaurants catering to tourists often charge more for the same meal options. Choosing local serves multiple purposes. You get to experience both the culture and cuisine of your destination and you’ll save money. You will save even more money if you can either walk or take public transportation to get to the eatery. Research the available options while planning your trip.

Short and Sweet

If you don’t have the time, money, or patience to deal with the chaos going on in the travel industry right now, then at least take a break with a staycation. If you are into camping, some state parks have no-fee options. Or take a day and do something you don’t usually do like go to your local art museum, or take a hike at a nearby Metropark, go to a movie theater and attend the first showing of the day, relax with a book at your neighborhood pool, stay all day at an amusement park including the closing fireworks show. You can have a good time and stay within your budget.

What you are doing to get away this summer? Please share in the comments.

Risky Business

Photo by Yan Krukov from Pexels

Back in October, we talked about how employers need to iterate their employee retention strategies to adapt to the new, non-traditional, workforce if they want to stay in business. One current retention and recruitment strategy is encouraging employees to bring their whole selves to work. October’s discussion ended with the acknowledgement that for some demographics authenticity at work is not always a wise choice. For example, people of color, other-abled, LGBTQIA+, older, and immigrant workers, to name few.

In this survey 64% of employees said they felt pressured to conform to certain expectations and standards dominating their workplace culture. For example, some hid their political views and information about their families in order to fit in the organization. If you agree with the 64%, then your choices are leaving your authentic self at home, try changing the culture from within, or find another job. What’s the right choice for you?

Be Assimilated

If quitting is a luxury you can’t afford, then remind yourself that your job serves a purpose. It pays your bills which gives you options in other areas of your life. It is okay for now. You do not have to retire from this job. If bringing your whole self to work does not align with your organization’s norms, then you must assimilate. For instance, if your company has a strict dress code, then your tattoos or hair may not conform to the culture and you must obey their rules. This conformity is exhausting and can negatively impact your productivity, so carefully monitor your job performance. For example, regularly update your “Atta Baby!” file.

Become a Change Agent

Bringing your whole self to work means being open and authentic about who you are, your values, beliefs, and experiences. If you are in a minority group, (like those mentioned earlier), then you are in a position to enhance your organization’s DEIB initiatives. Be aware that participation may involve communicating painful memories forcing you to relive them. Not only is this work, it is usually unpaid work. If you choose to help change your company’s culture, then please prioritize your mental health. For example, enlist an ally to help you set boundaries on how authentic to actually be.

Beware

Every organization has its own culture. If you get another job, that culture may not fit either. If you decide to find new employment, then look for key phrases in the job description to determine whether or not that organization champions authenticity. For example, phrases like value alignment, access to reliable transportation, and ability to complete tasks with or without reasonable accommodations, signal that you may have found a company with a culture where you could be your authentic self. Keywords like young and energetic, strong English-language skills, and compassionate nature warn you to keep looking.

It’s in a company’s best interest to create an environment where all employees feel safe and empowered to bring their whole selves to work. Authenticity fosters productivity, improves employer-employee relationships, and inspires collaboration. More authentic collaboration leads to more ideas. More ideas lead to more innovation. More innovation leads to more products/services. More products/services lead to more growth.

How do you encourage authentic diversity in your workplace? Please share in the comments.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

You started out as friends. He came to rely on you more and more and you were happy to support him. You shared private jokes. You made him look good in front of others. You knew what he needed before he did. Now, he takes you for granted. What began as a sweet relationship has turned sour. You want a divorce. I’m not talking about your life’s partner. I’m talking about your work spouse.

Breaking up with a work spouse is neither an easy nor a quick decision. Maybe you were hired because you were friends. Seventy percent of Americans found their current job through their networks. This makes changing your relationship even more difficult. Here are five things you can do to handle the situation with both empathy and respect.

Be Honest and Grateful

Schedule a private meeting with your work spouse. Honestly and kindly communicate your feelings. Be clear and straightforward about your decision. Thank them for the positive impact they had on your professional life and assure them you will continue to support future collaboration. If you need some inspiration, then read the story of how Dolly Parton broke up with her work spouse, Porter Wagoner.

Set Boundaries

After breaking the news, set clear boundaries and expectations for moving forward. You are trying to prevent as much awkwardness and as many misunderstandings as possible. If your former work spouse decides to lash out and go low, then you need to go high. For example, if they start overly criticizing your ideas in weekly team meetings, then come to those meetings prepared to defend your ideas.

Prepare for Professionalism

Think about how you will control your reactions when you see your former work spouse every day. Keep any negative feelings to yourself and commit to remaining publicly amicable. This should help minimize the negative impact of your breakup on your coworkers. They will feel the new friction between the two of you even if you avoid talking about it and they will have questions. Can you and your work ex-spouse agree to deliver the same elevator speech to those inquiring minds? It’s essential to both your careers to maintain a professional attitude. For example, you still have to effectively collaborate on projects every day, but maybe you communicate more through email than face-to-face.

Allow Time for Adjustment

Give your work ex-spouse some space and time to adjust to the new normal. It’s natural to feel disappointed when a close professional relationship ends. Be patient and allow them to process their emotions at their own pace. Meanwhile, you need to adjust to your new single status. Your former work spouse had input into your projects and now they won’t. For example, if you always ran your monthly report by them before submitting it to your manager, now you need a new proofreader.

Make New Friends

Connect with other people on your project team. Grab coffee with someone this week and lunch with someone else next week. Creating stronger relationships will help you get to know, like, and trust each other. Since business moves at the speed of trust, investing in key relationships helps your team work both faster and more efficiently.

What do you do when you need to set new boundaries around a work relationship? Please share in the comments.

Recognize Not Normalize

The workplace was turbulent from the start, but it feels downright tumultuous these days. Mass hirings are transitioning to mass layoffs. The Great Resignation is transitioning to The Great Regret. The pandemic is transitioning to the sansdemic. Change is hard. People react emotionally and these emotions can be negative. Left to simmer, negative emotions produce toxins. How easy is it for you to identify toxicity in your workplace?

Sunday Scaries

Often, your body tells you that you are in a toxic situation before your brain recognizes it. Do you get the Sunday Scaries? If the thought of going to back to work on Monday morning after having the weekend off makes you feel tired, depressed, or physically ill, then your body is trying to tell you something. There are plenty of examples of toxicity in the workplace, but let’s focus on the big three: managers, environment, and habits.

Managers – Your manager may be toxic if they:

have unspoken expectations (e.g., you are surprised to find a Sunday morning project meeting on your calendar)
have unrealistic expectations (e.g., they expect you to answer the emails they send late at night)
do not give you agency to do your job (e.g., insist on controlling everything you do and how and when you do it)
don’t listen (e.g., they consistently interrupt you when you are talking)
publicly embarrass you (e.g., in the all-hands meeting they announce that you missed a typo in the last meeting’s minutes)

Environment – Your workplace may be toxic if:

bullying is allowed (e.g., a coworker habitually yells to get what they want)
microaggressions are common (e.g., jokes about women and/or people of color are laughed at instead of banned)
you can’t trust your coworkers (e.g., you are intentionally excluded from emails containing information pertinent to your responsibilities)
you are not treated with respect (e.g., your coworker sits on top of your desk to talk to your office mate)
it’s like the Emerald City in The Wizard of Oz. “O my! People come and go so quickly here!” (e.g., employee turnover is high)

Habits – Your work habits may be toxic if you:

feel like you have to always look busy (e.g., downtime makes you nervous)
interpret every ambiguously worded email negatively (e.g., you think your report is shoddy because your manager requests further explanation)
are a loner (e.g., you don’t ask questions because you’re afraid to appear stupid)
engage in office gossip (e.g., participating in negative conversations about coworkers that you would not if they were present)
frequently put off assignments you don’t like (e.g., the client survey results are ready for data analysis, but you dread sifting through their ideas for improvement)

Points to Ponder

Toxicity causes burnout which makes talent quit. If you are an individual contributor in the workforce, fighting toxicity is like trying to turn the Titanic around. If toxic habits are holding you back, you can change them, but is your reputation already damaged? Searching for another job is daunting, but if you are experiencing a toxic boss or environment, then please consider dusting off your resume and activating your network.

What are examples of toxicity that you faced? Please share in the comments.