Goals – Page 10 – mardihumphreys.com

Did I Do That?

Last month I mentioned Atomic Habits by James Clear. This book rocked my goal-setting world from Chapter One when he stated, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” Clear says, “The Four Laws of Behavior Change are a simple set of rules we can use to build better habits. They are (1) Make it obvious, (2) Make it attractive, (3) Make it easy, and (4) Make it satisfying.” How might we apply this strategy at work?

Let’s say it was brought to your attention in a performance review that 360° feedback revealed people find your behavior at in-person meetings intense. What you think of as enthusiasm, a number of coworkers perceive as, at best, overwhelming and at worst, scary. Your manager wants to promote you to Team Leader, but if you intimidate people, then you cannot effectively influence them. The feedback mentioned that you:

Consistently arrive just in time for meetings to start and jump right into the agenda
Always sit at the head of the rectangular conference room table
Rarely look up from your note taking and when you do, you’re frowning

Acknowledging these are habits you to need change, you decide to use Clear’s four laws to come up with the following plan for improvement.

Make it Obvious – Before your next internal meeting, email the participants a short note stating you are making a couple of adjustments to your processes. You hope they will make meetings more effective for all attendees and you will privately seek feedback.

Make it Attractive – To you: Approach this exercise as a learning experience that will give you examples you can report to your manager, and witnesses they can consult, to prove you have what it takes to lead a team. To them: People are typically happy to give advice. Tell your coworkers that you respect their opinions and your intention is to make their work lives easier.

Make it Easy – Create more margin in your schedule so that you can show up ten minutes early to the next meeting. Use that time to greet each coworker and exchange pleasantries. Meet in a new location with a round table. If you have to meet in the same location, then sit on the side of the rectangle among the other attendees instead of the power position at the head of the table. For note taking you could audio record the meeting on your phone. This allows you to transcribe your notes later, maintain eye contact during the meeting, and ask follow up questions. Or, you could request that someone take notes for the group and email them to everyone after the meeting. State that in future meetings everyone will take a turn performing this task.

Make it Satisfying – For you: Reward yourself for trying new things and make notes of any improvements for your next 1:1 with your manager. For them: Send a thank-you email to the meeting attendees for participating in your experiment. Ask them follow-up questions like, What did they like/dislike about the changes? What other adjustments do they suggest?

How could you apply the four laws of behavior change to a current habit you need to break or start? Please share in the comments.

Booked

Thinking about doing some reading while you wait for delayed flights or relatives to wake up from post-holiday-meal naps? Here are some books about T.E.A.M. that I thought were worth mine.

Time

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho – Translated from Portuguese, this hero’s journey is a brief, unapologetic fable. My biggest take away is: Omens are everywhere. When I think I’ve spotted one, I should stop and reflect on how it may direct my decision making.

The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green – Born from his podcast, the theme of these essays is the impact of people’s behavior on our current geological age. His topics include everything from “Humanity’s Temporal Range” to “Diet Dr Pepper.”

My Mrs. Brown by William Norwich – Another hero’s journey, this novel offers lovely prose, a depiction of women of a certain age, and characters we are surrounded by every day, but don’t consider their life stories. This is a great tale for goal-setters.

Energy

Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans – Tools, processes, and insight on how to get from where you are to where you want to be. The authors present systems you can implement to make decisions about your work, relationships, goals, etc., no matter what stage of life you’re in.

The Extended Mind by Annie Murphy Paul – Science-based research on why we need to get out of our heads when problem-solving. Presented in narrative form, it’s a validating read for knowledge workers.

High Conflict by Amanda Ripley – When we have a disagreement with someone, conflict becomes an additional adversary to battle. Engaging examples of people who believed the enemy of my enemy is my friend, identified conflict as the enemy, and worked together to defeat it.

Attention

The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan – If you haven’t read many productivity books or you need a refresher on the basics of making wise choices, you’ll like this book. If you read Stephen Covey, Charles Duhigg, and/or James Clear, etc., then you will probably not be impressed. It’s short, so you could finish it on a cross-country flight.

Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown – Read this before your holiday get-togethers and keep it handy for reference. It should be on your bookshelf right next to your dictionary and thesaurus. Brown identifies 87 emotions, why they affect relationships, and how you can navigate them to achieve connection.

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker – This is the cure for meetings that should have been emails. Also, it will help you create more meaningful holiday gatherings.

Money

The Ultimate Retirement Guide for 50+ by Suze Orman – The author speaks plainly and with empathy. Preparing for retirement can be confusing and scary and this book helps you move forward with more confidence.

Never Too Old to Get Rich by Kerry E. Hannon – In 2021, the average age of successful startup founders was 45. If you think you are too old to start your own business, read this book and think again.

Know Your Value by Mika Brzezinski – The author chronicles her journey to get the appropriate recognition and compensation for her work. She also interviewed women in a variety of industries and reports their experiences too.

What are you reading? Please share in the comments.

P.S. I occasionally post on Saturdays what I’m reading that weekend. Please follow me on Facebook and and contribute to the conversation!

Military Schooled

Veteran’s Day is this week in the United States. Thank you, veterans and your families for your service. Is motivating troops at all similar to motivating the workforce?

Similarities

Both military and civilian organizations take people with nothing in common, put them on teams, and require them to execute complicated projects
The military rewards personal sacrifice, shared sacrifice, and accomplishments through a system of challenges and rewards. Some companies offer overtime pay, team recognition on their social media, and pay submission fees for industry awards
The military asks you to put your country and its larger cause ahead of your own interests and safety. Essential Workers are asked to do the same
Goals for both the military and the workforce are: increase production, efficiency, and desired results
Motivation is also the same because humans populate both groups and everyone wants the same things: job satisfaction, achievement, recognition, and professional growth

Differences

From the beginning of military service, the focus is leadership. There are formal training programs in all branches of the military (e.g., military academy, ROTC, Officer Training School) and leadership training continues throughout your career. Does your organization offer career development? Do they reimburse you for continuing education?
The military hold ceremonies for changes in command. These formally acknowledge that change is happening and make the environment less disruptive. When was the last time you got to meet your new department head before they were hired?
The military physically train together. Does your company have a softball team? Axe throwing league? Charity walk/run?
The military has great expectations and expects the troops to rise to meet them. As James Clear says in his book, Atomic Habits, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” The military’s systems are designed to use positive peer pressure and incentives to build self-motivating troops. Does your company have a mission statement? Can you quote it?

Learnings

A 1994 study revealed motivation predicts success better than intelligence, ability, or salary. The military uses motivation techniques that can apply to the workforce. Rewards, (e.g. salary) only work as long as they are perceived as rewards. When the reward goes away, so does the motivation. Pay your workforce enough to live on, give them tools to become Subject Matter Experts, and agency to give their jobs their best efforts
The military is motivated to protect their country. Patriotism is a feeling. What feeling can you encourage in your employees? Loyalty? Service? Sustainability? Legacy?
The military emphasizes and rewards incremental progress. (e.g., moving up in the ranks). Giving your employees a several-step career path, defining the parameters to reach each step, then rewarding them with the next step when they reach those parameters, can help you retain them. A 1998 study determined people found life 22 percent more satisfying when they accomplished a steady stream of small goals rather than a few large goals
Sticking together is ingrained in military culture. It drives everyone to achieve a higher purpose. How do you bond your team? What contribution does your company make to society? Employees want to know they are working together to accomplish something that serves the greater good

What other ways do you think the workforce can learn from the military? Please share in the comments.

For Your Review

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! No, not Halloween; performance reviews! What? You don’t like performance reviews? I get it, but instead of thinking of it as your manager’s opportunity to remind you how far short of the company’s expectations you fell, turn the spotlight on how valuable you are. Employees have more leverage than ever to get both a promotion and a raise. You’ll probably have to ask for both, but how?

Justify

Your company pays you for the profitability you bring, not for your personal circumstances. Don’t base your case for a pay increase on the amount of your bills. Build it on your accomplishments that helped the company achieve its mission. The easiest way to do this is to keep a folder on your desktop with a collection of evidence proving your worth. It’s not only helpful for performance reviews, it boosts your confidence all year long. The folder can include:

Emails thanking you for a job well done
A link to the recommendation section of your LinkedIn profile. You ask people for LinkedIn recommendations, right? If not, do; and offer to give one in return
Notes on your Top 20 List of Achievements. Include:
- Projects you led that moved the company closer to its goals
- Revenue you brought in
- Savings you attained
- New clients you acquired (and their worth)
- Initiatives you originated and their positive financial impact

This is a job interview. It requires rehearsal. Ask someone to role play with you. After summarizing your Top 20 List of Achievements, encourage your practice partner to ask you hard follow-up questions. Frame all your answers around why your company would benefit by promoting you. Here are a few questions to help you hear your pitch out loud then get their feedback:

How will advancing your career positively affect the company?
What projects/initiatives/clients will this new role allow you to obtain?
Who in the company has to invest their time, energy, and attention in you so that you will be successful in the new role?

Specify

Now that you know and can demonstrate your worth, you have to respectfully communicate that you expect to be recognized and compensated for it. If your manager asks how much money you expect to make, ask them what their budget is. This can prevent you from not asking for enough. Whether or not they offer a number, enter the conversation with a salary range in mind and ask for the top. If the salary range for the position you want is public information within the company, then it’s easy to find. If you have to dig for it, is there someone who held that position whom you can ask? If not, research other job descriptions with the title you want as the keywords. What is the current salary for someone with your level of education, experience, and track record who lives in your city? Bring these statistics with you. They provide credibility of your value in the talent pool.

Clarify

If the company can’t afford to give you more money, but still wants to give you more responsibility, then think carefully before deciding. A performance review is a negotiation. Don’t think of their answer as a no. Think of it as a not yet. You can negotiate for compensation other than money right now and revisit the salary conversation later. For example, will they:

give you a better title?
approve working remotely two days a week?
assign you to lead more high-visibility projects?
reimburse you for leadership development training?

If you can reach a compromise, then get in writing exactly what your additional duties will be, the compensation you will receive for them, and for how long. Request to revisit the pay increase discussion in six months. Schedule that meeting before the conversation ends. Make sure it’s noted on your manager’s calendar and in your personnel file. The two of you are not the only people looking at your performance review. HR (at least!) is too. Make sure as many people as is appropriate know this conversation is not over.

Asking for a raise is not about what you want. It’s about what your performance has earned. You uniquely contribute to your organization and they benefit from your work, your influence, and your networks.

Is this how you prepare for a performance review? What did I forget? Please share in the comments.

Scary Stuff

There is plenty to be scared of this Halloween from unreal threats like horror movies to real ones like war. Let’s talk about what we can control. What scares you? Heights? Elevators? Networking? If all three, then finish reading this article before you RSVP regrets to your client’s happy hour event on the 20th floor of their office building.

The advice to face our fears goes back at least as far as Ralph Waldo Emerson’s suggestion that conquering a bit of fear everyday is the secret of life. Whether it’s fear of failure, loss, or change, getting out of your comfort zone can help you at work, but why should you and how can you?

Why? Because

You Can’t Avoid Scary Things – Unexpected illness or injury, destructive tornados, the consequences of other people’s decisions, these are setbacks that you cannot control. Setbacks happen and fear tells you they are bad, but fear lies. Setbacks are growth opportunities. They reveal what doesn’t work and that’s valuable data. Like Thomas Edison inventing the lightbulb. Learning to put scary things into perspective helps you navigate your reality.

Facing One Fear Gives You Confidence to Face More – Let’s imagine that you want to quit your job to start your own business and are afraid to tell your partner. Pitch it to them as if they were a client. Their questions may be a good basis for your business plan. Answering their concerns helps you rehearse for meetings with investors and clients. Talking through how you’re going to make the transition gives you a better idea of your timeline.

It Makes You Empathetic – Do you think you’re the only person scared to drive on the highway? I did. Since I began sharing my fear, I’ve encountered at least three other people with the same issue. I partnered with one to face the fear together. We ended up talking about other things that we’re afraid of. It made me more understanding and tolerant (I hope) of people whose fears are different from mine. Will this habit help me be a DEIB ally? (I hope.) I still get nervous driving on the highway, but it no longer prevents me from refusing opportunities like it used to.

How?

Imagine the Worst That Could Happen – Visualize what you would do in that situation. Having a plan gives you confidence.

Affirmations – Once when I had a precarious job, I wrote an affirmation on a sticky note and kept it on the corner of my laptop where my right hand brushed the paper every time I typed. It was a touchstone that helped me keep going when fear attacked.

Put the Work in – Doing what scares you makes what scares you less scary. Start small. For example, to lessen my fear of driving I take roads I previously traveled and tell myself that I’m just going a little bit further down them.

Fear serves a purpose. It helps you identify threats. When you get startled by a loud noise, you typically duck your head because it triggers the acoustic startle reflex we’re born with. This was useful to our ancestors who had to run from rockslides. It’s also useful to employees whose supervisors yell when they’re angry. You should run from them too.

Have you done any scary stuff at work lately? Please share in the comments.

We Belong

A couple of weeks ago, I received a DM on LinkedIn from my friend, Tonya Casey, Director of Finance, Miami Valley Hospital, Dayton, Ohio. Here is the thought-provoker that she sent:

“Getting a seat at the table is not what’s important as much as WHAT happens at the table. So, when you are seeking a seat, and you are fortunate to be offered that seat, remember that WHAT is said and done is the most important thing, not the mere fact that you are physically present.” Sylvain Trepanier, DNP, RN, CENP, FAONL, FAAN, SVP, System Chief Nursing Officer at Providence

Since recent studies indicate that diverse and inclusive businesses outperform their competition by 35%, most leaders welcome the idea of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) in the workplace. They even take measures to hire and form project teams of diverse employees and include a DEI session in their annual trainings. Great! Now what?

Belonging (DEIB)

Building on Dr. Syl’s quote above, what do you say and do once you are sitting at the table? Belonging is the next iteration of the DEI process. To me, this means building a community and that begins with the people who are at the table with you. Here are three ways to get started.

Communicate

If you are assigned to lead a diverse team, when you come together for a kickoff meeting, you may want to plan on not discussing the project. Instead, focus on how you will work together. A good place to start is adopting Brene Brown’s mindset. Her motto is, “I’m not here to be right, I’m here to get it right.” This attitude requires a commitment from everyone at the table to be courageous, forgiving, and vulnerable. To facilitate this, you can set ground rules for the learning moments that will inevitably happen during meetings. For example, agree on a signal, like raising an index finger, indicating a team member wants to offer gentle feedback or ask for clarification. The good news is communication builds trust. The bad news is trust takes time and attention to build.

Engage

Trust is something we assume we have from our coworkers. You know what assuming does. You don’t give someone your trust without first observing proof that they are worthy of it. Your team must offer trust to one another before they can do the actual project you’re tasked with. Building trust won’t happen in one meeting. Allow time for your team to have intentional getting-to-know-you conversations outside of the conference room. Suggest a coffee in the break room between 2-3 teammates. Encourage them to tell each other what brought them to your organization. Begin your next meeting with one teammate telling the group one thing about one coworker they had coffee with.

Nurture

Once minimum viable trust is in place, follow up is key. This is where it gets uncomfortable. As the leader, it would be wise to say out loud to everyone at the table that belonging is an investment and while it is not the responsibility of anyone at that table to educate anyone else about DEIB, are team members open to suggesting appropriate resources that can? For example, what books should we read to learn how to promote belonging?

This is obviously a bigger conversation than 500 words. Thank you Dr. Syl and Tonya for starting it.

What suggestions do you have for fostering belonging in the workplace? Please share in the comments.

Fiscal Finesse

If you work for a business, then you are either trying to bring revenue to it or cut its expenses. If you work for a non-profit, then you participate in fund-raising efforts. If you work for a government agency, then you try to spend as little of its budget as possible.

It’s a Job

Managing money isn’t the first skill we associate with motherhood, but motherhood is a job, and every job is about money. Mom has to learn how to pay for the things her baby needs (e.g., diapers, formula). She has to learn how to pay for the things her child needs (e.g., school supplies, clothes). She has to learn how to teach her teenager how to pay for the things they need (e.g., too many to list). These skills transfer to the workplace where Mom uses them to budget for her team.

Disclaimer

ICYMI, I’m not suggesting that every woman needs to have a child in order to be a good leader. I’m saying that motherhood is, by default, leadership training. In the final installment of this series, let’s look at how moms learn about handling money both for the short-term and the long-term.

Short-term Savings at Home

Everyone needs to learn how to live within their means. At home moms have extra decisions to make regarding the household budget. For example, when buying clothing for her rapidly growing toddler, must the clothes be brand new? If her child is going to outgrow their clothes in a few months, then why not thrift shop?

Short-term Savings at Work

Leaders have to learn how to stretch a dollar. At work leaders have extra decisions to make regarding the office budget. For example, when purchasing furniture for the break room, must the tables and chairs be brand new? If clients aren’t going to see them, then would refurbished or gently used tables and chairs work?

Long-term Savings at Home

Moms have to prepare their children for the future. This is not always fun. At home this may look like teaching a child delayed gratification. For example, Mom stays strong and denies her child permission to buy the $60 video game now because that money would have to come from the savings account set aside to buy her child a car in two years.

Long-term Savings at Work

Leaders have to prepare their team for the future. This is not always fun. At work this may look like teaching the team delayed gratification. For example, a leader stays strong and denies her team permission to leave work early on the Friday before a holiday weekend because there is a backlog of sales calls to follow up on. Those follow-ups could fill next week’s pipeline.

It Isn’t Really About the Money

Money isn’t really about money. It’s about what you can do when you have money and what you can’t do when you don’t. A mom learns to consider her child’s feelings when making money decisions at home. When Mom is a leader at work, she’s practiced at considering her staff’s feelings. In terms of money, motherhood teaches women to influence through vision casting not force. It trains women to learn their team members’ emotional reactions to stimuli and use them to push the team to do good work. It reminds them that the only failure is to stop trying.

How do you think motherhood prepares a woman to handle a budget at work? Please share in the comments.

SOS Emergency

Welcome to part three of the Motherhood is Leadership Training Series. Disclaimer: I’m not suggesting that every woman needs to have a child in order to be a good leader. I’m saying that motherhood is, by default, leadership training. In parts one and two we discussed how motherhood trains women to build confidence and develop their coaching skills. This week let’s examine how it inherently produces crisis managers. Take the pandemic for example. Twice as many people died of COVID-19 in countries led by men than in countries led by women and at least three of these leaders are mothers: Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen of Denmark, Prime Minister Sanna Marin of Finland, and Chancellor of Germany Angela Merkel. Let’s examine five areas of crisis management that motherhood innately teaches: plan, prevent, practice, perform, and polish.

Plan

Moms learn to keep over-the-counter children’s pain reliever, band-aids, a thermometer, etc., on hand to address their child’s middle-of-the-night health emergencies. Moms apply this principle at work by learning to keep alternative workflows on hand to address their team’s middle-of-the-project emergencies.

Prevent

Moms learn the best way to deal with a crisis is to keep it from happening. For example, at home Mom may buy a few duplicates of her toddler’s favorite T-Shirt. This makes negotiating what clothes to wear easier. At work Mom may share feedback with the team regarding what the client liked about their last campaign. This makes achieving the tone of the next campaign easier.

Practice

Moms learn that practicing what to do in a crisis when there isn’t one allows people to fall back on their training. For example, Mom may hold monthly fire drills to teach her child how to get out of the house in case of a real fire. At work, Mom may occasionally ask a team member for a last minute report to train them what to do if the CEO asks for a similar report while Mom is on vacation.

Perform

Moms learn how to execute the crisis procedure effectively. Each child has a different asset. For example, maybe one child is an athlete, another is an artist, etc. This gives Mom clues as to how to motivate them and boost their self-confidence during a crisis. Each employee has a different asset. At work, Mom identifies each team member’s talent. For example, maybe one staff member is good at calming an upset customer, another is good at spotting accounting errors. Mom knows how to appropriately assign tasks to motivate them and boost their self-confidence in a crisis.

Polish

Moms learn from mistakes. They constantly ask themselves whether or not they are doing a good job. They question: What can I do to be better prepared next time? At work, Mom holds post-event reviews to allow the team to vent, but not complain. Then incorporates the feedback to be better prepared for the next crisis.

Some keys to crisis management? Be gracious and empathic. Listen more than talk. Work together to solve problems both at home and at work.

Do you agree with this sentence? Proper planning prevents poor performance. Please tell us why or why not in the comments.

Put Me in Coach

Last week we looked at how women build confidence when they become mothers and how that skill transfers to leadership at work. I’m not suggesting that every woman needs to have a child in order to be a good leader. I’m saying that motherhood is, by default, leadership training. Here in Part Two, let’s examine how motherhood trains moms to become coaches and how that set of skills makes them influential leaders at work.

Moms learn that their children all react differently to the same situation. Managers learn that the members of their teams respond differently to the same situation. For example, at home when Mom says to her two children, “Let’s go to the library.” One child may jump off the couch and the other may refuse to budge. At work when Manager says to her two employees, “Let’s go to the conference.” One coworker may start registering and the other may start making excuses for why they can’t go. In both of these situations, the people need a coach to inspire, encourage, and motivate them.

Inspire

A mom models the way she wants her child to behave. If a child sees Mom celebrating successes both big and small, asking questions instead of blaming, and managing inconveniences with a positive attitude, then that child is inspired to act the way Mom does when they find themselves in similar situations. A mom who is a leader in the workplace operates the same way. For example, a leader gives her direct report credit for a job well done in front of the CEO. A leader asks an individual contributor why the deadline was missed instead of blaming them for missing it. A leader responds to a complaint by assuring the client that they are heard and working through lunch with her staff to rectify the situation.

Encourage

A mom helps her child achieve goals. She learns to recognize when more training is necessary versus when it is time to gently push her child to accomplish a task on their own. A mom who leads in the workplace believes her team can accomplish their goals. She supports their efforts whether they need mentoring or monitoring and guides each team member accordingly.

Motivate

A mom uses what is important to her child as incentive. For example, Mom at home may say, “If you finish your homework now, then you can spend an extra thirty minutes playing Forza Horizon 4.” This same mom will use that skill to learn what is important to her direct reports. At work she may say, “If you work on Independence Day, you can have July 5th off with pay as compensation.” In both scenarios, everyone feels like they were treated fairly.

Inspiring, encouraging, and motivating require the capability to delay gratification. Moms labor for years to raise a child. There is no guarantee that child will learn what Mom is teaching and use it to become a productive member of society. Day after day moms model respect, positivity, and, hope. These are attributes every coach should have. A woman who can do that at home is an effective leader in any workplace.

Does your organization have people who are recognized, or unrecognized, as coaches? How many of them are moms? Please share what they do that makes you think of them as coaches in the comments.

The Home Team

While at the grocery store, I passed the coffee kiosk. It was fairly busy. The barista was at the register taking orders. A couple of women waited near the pick-up counter. A man with a sleeping baby in a carrier approached the pickup counter and found his coffee. He excused himself around the two women waiting for their orders. One of the women said, “What a good daddy you are!” I silently wondered, if it was a woman with an iced grande caramel macchiato in one hand and a baby carrier in the other, would the speaker have said, “What a good mommy you are!”? I hope so, but society does not train us to praise mothers for parenting.

From the Beginning

Let’s normalize a team approach to getting the invisible, unpaid work done; especially when it comes to parenting. In a heterosexual, two-parent household, when a baby is born the only thing the mother can do that the father cannot is feed the baby with her own body. Everything else is a level playing field. Mothers don’t instinctively know what a baby needs. For example, when a baby cries in the middle of the night, waking up, getting out of bed, and soothing that baby is not a talent unique to mothers.

In this Together

Let’s stop perceiving domestic work through the lens that society perpetually trains us to use. All genders can learn to change diapers, wash dishes, do laundry, take out the trash, get the kids to school, rehearsal, practice, the dentist, etc. Let’s rethink the assumption that the person in the couple with the lowest income (typically the woman) is by default the family manager. In a heterosexual household, let’s stop sending the message to men that they are “helping” around the house. Even if he takes on the burden of the physical work, the mental and emotional burden is still on the woman if she has to know and decide what, where, when, and how that work gets done.

For the Future

When/If you become a parent, if you have a partner, please normalize co-parenting. In learning to navigate the world they live in, children need each parent’s strength and time. One partner should not be limited to the role of financial provider. The other should not be limited to the role of domestic provider. Doing so denies parents the opportunity to model genderless behavior to their children. For example, it is extremely beneficial for children to witness their father supporting their mother’s passions and goals while managing his daily routines. When they see their father being patient, unselfish, kind, and collaborative, then they look for those qualities in the people they choose to be in their lives.

What are some things you do to promote co-parenting? Please share in the comments.