Communication – Page 12 – mardihumphreys.com

Did I Do That?

Last month I mentioned Atomic Habits by James Clear. This book rocked my goal-setting world from Chapter One when he stated, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” Clear says, “The Four Laws of Behavior Change are a simple set of rules we can use to build better habits. They are (1) Make it obvious, (2) Make it attractive, (3) Make it easy, and (4) Make it satisfying.” How might we apply this strategy at work?

Let’s say it was brought to your attention in a performance review that 360° feedback revealed people find your behavior at in-person meetings intense. What you think of as enthusiasm, a number of coworkers perceive as, at best, overwhelming and at worst, scary. Your manager wants to promote you to Team Leader, but if you intimidate people, then you cannot effectively influence them. The feedback mentioned that you:

Consistently arrive just in time for meetings to start and jump right into the agenda
Always sit at the head of the rectangular conference room table
Rarely look up from your note taking and when you do, you’re frowning

Acknowledging these are habits you to need change, you decide to use Clear’s four laws to come up with the following plan for improvement.

Make it Obvious – Before your next internal meeting, email the participants a short note stating you are making a couple of adjustments to your processes. You hope they will make meetings more effective for all attendees and you will privately seek feedback.

Make it Attractive – To you: Approach this exercise as a learning experience that will give you examples you can report to your manager, and witnesses they can consult, to prove you have what it takes to lead a team. To them: People are typically happy to give advice. Tell your coworkers that you respect their opinions and your intention is to make their work lives easier.

Make it Easy – Create more margin in your schedule so that you can show up ten minutes early to the next meeting. Use that time to greet each coworker and exchange pleasantries. Meet in a new location with a round table. If you have to meet in the same location, then sit on the side of the rectangle among the other attendees instead of the power position at the head of the table. For note taking you could audio record the meeting on your phone. This allows you to transcribe your notes later, maintain eye contact during the meeting, and ask follow up questions. Or, you could request that someone take notes for the group and email them to everyone after the meeting. State that in future meetings everyone will take a turn performing this task.

Make it Satisfying – For you: Reward yourself for trying new things and make notes of any improvements for your next 1:1 with your manager. For them: Send a thank-you email to the meeting attendees for participating in your experiment. Ask them follow-up questions like, What did they like/dislike about the changes? What other adjustments do they suggest?

How could you apply the four laws of behavior change to a current habit you need to break or start? Please share in the comments.

Military Schooled

Veteran’s Day is this week in the United States. Thank you, veterans and your families for your service. Is motivating troops at all similar to motivating the workforce?

Similarities

Both military and civilian organizations take people with nothing in common, put them on teams, and require them to execute complicated projects
The military rewards personal sacrifice, shared sacrifice, and accomplishments through a system of challenges and rewards. Some companies offer overtime pay, team recognition on their social media, and pay submission fees for industry awards
The military asks you to put your country and its larger cause ahead of your own interests and safety. Essential Workers are asked to do the same
Goals for both the military and the workforce are: increase production, efficiency, and desired results
Motivation is also the same because humans populate both groups and everyone wants the same things: job satisfaction, achievement, recognition, and professional growth

Differences

From the beginning of military service, the focus is leadership. There are formal training programs in all branches of the military (e.g., military academy, ROTC, Officer Training School) and leadership training continues throughout your career. Does your organization offer career development? Do they reimburse you for continuing education?
The military hold ceremonies for changes in command. These formally acknowledge that change is happening and make the environment less disruptive. When was the last time you got to meet your new department head before they were hired?
The military physically train together. Does your company have a softball team? Axe throwing league? Charity walk/run?
The military has great expectations and expects the troops to rise to meet them. As James Clear says in his book, Atomic Habits, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” The military’s systems are designed to use positive peer pressure and incentives to build self-motivating troops. Does your company have a mission statement? Can you quote it?

Learnings

A 1994 study revealed motivation predicts success better than intelligence, ability, or salary. The military uses motivation techniques that can apply to the workforce. Rewards, (e.g. salary) only work as long as they are perceived as rewards. When the reward goes away, so does the motivation. Pay your workforce enough to live on, give them tools to become Subject Matter Experts, and agency to give their jobs their best efforts
The military is motivated to protect their country. Patriotism is a feeling. What feeling can you encourage in your employees? Loyalty? Service? Sustainability? Legacy?
The military emphasizes and rewards incremental progress. (e.g., moving up in the ranks). Giving your employees a several-step career path, defining the parameters to reach each step, then rewarding them with the next step when they reach those parameters, can help you retain them. A 1998 study determined people found life 22 percent more satisfying when they accomplished a steady stream of small goals rather than a few large goals
Sticking together is ingrained in military culture. It drives everyone to achieve a higher purpose. How do you bond your team? What contribution does your company make to society? Employees want to know they are working together to accomplish something that serves the greater good

What other ways do you think the workforce can learn from the military? Please share in the comments.

Over and Over and Over Again

Everyone likes to contemplate their navels on occasion. It becomes a problem when minutes turn into hours and you have nothing but belly-button lint to show for it. We have plenty of things to worry about, so let’s limit this conversation to the workplace. What is the difference between overthinking, worrying, and ruminating?

Overthinking

Overthinking is repeatedly examining a current stressful situation. For example, you’re working on a series of deliverables for your manager. He calls you into his office and asks you to explain why you are spending so much time on those projects instead of these other urgent tasks. You’re stunned and the conversation goes badly. Now you can’t get any work done because that interaction is all you can think about. “How did that happen? How did I get this far off target? Now what?” At your first opportunity, take a break and find a quiet place. Write down your thoughts. Then develop questions to ask your manager at your next meeting. If you do not regularly have 1:1 meetings, now is the time to request them. Phrase your questions in non-confrontational language. For example, “I’d like to send you an email first thing every Monday morning to find out what the top three projects are that you’d like me to work on for the week. Is that okay?” Taking action will help you stop overthinking.

Worrying

Worry is pondering threats to your future. This can be useful, but until you can actually predict the future, it will quickly drive you crazy. Taking the above example a step further, let’s say that the follow-up 1:1 with your manager can’t happen for a week. This gives you way too much time to think about how this second conversation could go even more sideways than the first. Instead of thinking about the worst that can happen, visualize the best that can happen. Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. You can only control the part you play in it. See yourself brainstorming with your manager. What ways to resolve the problem are you presenting? Relationships can be strengthened by working through conflict together. At the very least, your emotional intelligence will get a workout.

Ruminating

Ruminating is brooding over the past. Taking the above example even further, let’s say that you choose not to visualize the best that can happen at the next meeting with your manager. Instead, you get stuck replaying the original conversation in your mind. You’re dwelling on something you cannot change. Every time you think about that conversation, you feel the negative emotions that you felt then. When you fall short of someone’s expectations, it’s wise to review what led to the negative result because it can help you develop triggers to prevent it from happening again. However, mulling over something you cannot change can lead to self contempt. This not only can erode your confidence and encourage you to habitually berate yourself, but if you keep going down that path it can also lead to depression. If that is your situation, then please take advantage of any mental health benefits your company offers. If your organization does not offer mental health benefits, then take a look here.

What do you do to stop worrying about work? Please share in the comments.

For Your Review

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! No, not Halloween; performance reviews! What? You don’t like performance reviews? I get it, but instead of thinking of it as your manager’s opportunity to remind you how far short of the company’s expectations you fell, turn the spotlight on how valuable you are. Employees have more leverage than ever to get both a promotion and a raise. You’ll probably have to ask for both, but how?

Justify

Your company pays you for the profitability you bring, not for your personal circumstances. Don’t base your case for a pay increase on the amount of your bills. Build it on your accomplishments that helped the company achieve its mission. The easiest way to do this is to keep a folder on your desktop with a collection of evidence proving your worth. It’s not only helpful for performance reviews, it boosts your confidence all year long. The folder can include:

Emails thanking you for a job well done
A link to the recommendation section of your LinkedIn profile. You ask people for LinkedIn recommendations, right? If not, do; and offer to give one in return
Notes on your Top 20 List of Achievements. Include:
- Projects you led that moved the company closer to its goals
- Revenue you brought in
- Savings you attained
- New clients you acquired (and their worth)
- Initiatives you originated and their positive financial impact

This is a job interview. It requires rehearsal. Ask someone to role play with you. After summarizing your Top 20 List of Achievements, encourage your practice partner to ask you hard follow-up questions. Frame all your answers around why your company would benefit by promoting you. Here are a few questions to help you hear your pitch out loud then get their feedback:

How will advancing your career positively affect the company?
What projects/initiatives/clients will this new role allow you to obtain?
Who in the company has to invest their time, energy, and attention in you so that you will be successful in the new role?

Specify

Now that you know and can demonstrate your worth, you have to respectfully communicate that you expect to be recognized and compensated for it. If your manager asks how much money you expect to make, ask them what their budget is. This can prevent you from not asking for enough. Whether or not they offer a number, enter the conversation with a salary range in mind and ask for the top. If the salary range for the position you want is public information within the company, then it’s easy to find. If you have to dig for it, is there someone who held that position whom you can ask? If not, research other job descriptions with the title you want as the keywords. What is the current salary for someone with your level of education, experience, and track record who lives in your city? Bring these statistics with you. They provide credibility of your value in the talent pool.

Clarify

If the company can’t afford to give you more money, but still wants to give you more responsibility, then think carefully before deciding. A performance review is a negotiation. Don’t think of their answer as a no. Think of it as a not yet. You can negotiate for compensation other than money right now and revisit the salary conversation later. For example, will they:

give you a better title?
approve working remotely two days a week?
assign you to lead more high-visibility projects?
reimburse you for leadership development training?

If you can reach a compromise, then get in writing exactly what your additional duties will be, the compensation you will receive for them, and for how long. Request to revisit the pay increase discussion in six months. Schedule that meeting before the conversation ends. Make sure it’s noted on your manager’s calendar and in your personnel file. The two of you are not the only people looking at your performance review. HR (at least!) is too. Make sure as many people as is appropriate know this conversation is not over.

Asking for a raise is not about what you want. It’s about what your performance has earned. You uniquely contribute to your organization and they benefit from your work, your influence, and your networks.

Is this how you prepare for a performance review? What did I forget? Please share in the comments.

Your Pool is Leaking

Let’s do a Great recap. The iterations the workforce has gone through since March 2020 are The Great:

Retirement
Resignation
Reshuffle
Recognition
Realization
Reprioritization
Relocation

We are now in the Great Renegotiation. In all these evolutions, the workforce evaluated the role that employment should play in their lives. Many took control of how they produce income by trading traditional full-time employment for gigs, part-time, or starting their own businesses. There were 11.2 million jobs available in America as of the last business day of July 2022. There are more jobs than there are people willing to do them. What is the disconnect?

Employers say: No one wants to work
Workforce says: No one wants to work under the conditions employers are offering

Two plus years into the pandemic, the workforce has more agency than ever to choose how they make money yet so many employers refuse to accept that the balance of power is shifting. Too many employers are trying to attract workers with the same benefits they offered pre-COVD like signing bonuses, titles, and promotions. This strategy may attract traditional employees, but there aren’t many of them left swimming in the talent pool. The majority of available workforce want the flexibility to work remotely, mental-health support, and a manager who cares about them as a person.

The Great Rethink

For employers, it’s time to decide if you are willing to do what it takes to stay in business. For example, if you have a crucial position that’s been vacant for at least 90 days, then it’s time to look at your employee value proposition. Have you adjusted it to meet the needs of the current talent pool? Look at your notes from the interviews of recent candidates.

What were the majority looking for?
Did they expect both career development opportunities and autonomy to complete projects?
Were they not hired because you don’t fund upskilling?
Did any decline offers because they were not willing to work 40 hours a week on site?

Evolve to Survive

If you decide to update your benefits packages, you can use the answers to the above questions as a guide to attract the talent you need. To retain the employees you have, meet with HR and evaluate your company’s culture as objectively as possible. For example, If you say you have an inclusive culture that embraces work-life balance, but penalize employees for calling out microaggressions or taking a parent to a medical appointment, then employees will quit. Not only will they leave, but other employees who observe these contradictions may resign too. If culture adjustment is a huge undertaking for you, consider hiring a consultant. Someone who is trained in managing perception, can make impartial observations, and can help you refine your approach based on the currently available talent pool.

A Better Leader

Rethinking does not mean you are weak. Rethink about it like this: we are in an age where we must learn a skill, use it, then unlearn it to learn the updated version, use it, unlearn it, rinse, and repeat. Consequently, we should not be afraid of appearing indecisive when we change long-held opinions because new data, like this is available. Rethinking means you are both a realist and an innovator.

How are you adjusting to The Great Renegotiation? Please share in the comments.

It’s Just a Pause

I have a confession to make. I’m Team Oxford Comma. People can get passionate about correct comma usage. I did not realize there is such controversy over a crooked little mark. It’s just a pause, people! Sometimes a sentence has multiple commas because the author wants to slow down, make a list, or clarify. These three things are also useful in the workplace.

Slow Down

Plan A does not always work. When your team is trying to complete a project and hits an obstacle, pausing can help cool their frustrations. For example, I ask my clients to tell me what hurts. Their answers give me clues to solving their problems. Sometimes just thinking about the pain and how wide-spread it is sends them into a panic spiral. They talk faster, the pitch of their voices gets higher, their eyes get wider, their flight-fight-or-freeze mechanisms activate. That’s when I know it’s time to respond with slow, low, gentle-toned reassurances full of commas. By the same token, encouraging your team to take a pause helps everyone reset. Then you can calmly regroup and figure out together how to deal with the obstacle.

Make a List

Every task on your to-do list is the top priority and needs done yesterday, but you’ll get more work done if you stop what you’re doing. This is very counter-intuitive, but it’s like a flywheel. You can’t see the progression of the wheel turning while you’re pushing it. Much like you can’t feel the earth constantly turning while you’re standing on it. When you complete the push that makes the flywheel take off, you suddenly have lots of time. To get to the final push, sometimes you have to use a comma. Take a minute to box breath, then look at your task list. Determine which tasks are important and which are urgent. Take one action that gets one urgent task closer to completion, then pause. Look at your important tasks list. What is one action you can take in the next 15 minutes to get one item on it closer to completion? Then continue on with your urgent task list. At the end of the workday, reflect (another comma, btw). Celebrate how far you got on both the urgent and the important tasks, especially if you did not mark everything off both lists. Do not dwell on what is still left to do. Make a quick note of the next steps you’ll take on both lists tomorrow.

Clarify

Mental noise surrounds you 24/7/365. There is an overwhelming amount of information available to you. How do you make sense of any of it? Use a comma.

Pause – Stop. Breathe. Drink a glass of water
Reflect – Your wheels are turning, but you’re upside down. How did that happen?
Focus – What is the Why?
Refine – What is the most important next step or course correction?
Iterate – Take the next step
Repeat

How do you make the best use of pauses at work? Please share in the comments.

Emerging Expectations

A year ago Google gave their employees access to a pay calculator that let them estimate how permanently working remotely would impact their salaries. For most workers it meant a reduction. Since then Facebook, Twitter, and Microsoft revealed similar policies. What is an employer’s justification for cutting pay if their employees work from home? Should you lower your expectations for compensation if it means you can work 100% remotely?

Employers Parry

Tech companies that have national and International workforces like Google, Facebook, and Microsoft revise an employee’s salary when the employee changes the location of their residence. For example, If the employee moves to a lower cost of living area, then their pay is reduced. Conversely, a few companies (e.g., Spotify, Reddit) raised the compensation of remote employees during the pandemic to match the salaries of their workforces that are based in New York and San Francisco. Google’s explanation for decreasing remote employee’s wages is that their compensation packages are always based on location since they pay employees top of the range for the market the employee lives in. Facebook said they had to adjust an employee’s salary to their location for accounting purposes and tax requirements. VMware and Gitlab also commented. Read more here. Companies cutting pay for working from home may be using it as a device to get employees back in the office. Maybe they think it signals a return to business as pre-pandemic usual. Maybe they feel if your manager doesn’t see you working, then you must not be. Maybe they believe physical presence boosts collaboration and innovation. These expectations need to be re-examined. We are living in a business as unusual, homing from work, videoconferencing our heads off era. Work-life integration advances both work and life.

Employees Counter-parry

Studies of productivity during the pandemic revealed that remote workers not only accomplished the same tasks as they did in the office, they also worked longer hours to do so. Employees feel like they should be paid for the work they do, not where they do it, but the majority of their managers disagree. Seventy-three percent of managers affirm that productivity was great. Their problem is, managing their remote workforce caused 69% of the managers to burnout. The study also indicates that 51% of company leaders believe employees want to return to an office and that incentives like free food and happy hours will lure them back. If employees are willing to give up promotions and wage increases to work from home, snacks are not enough of an incentive to return to an office. However, on-site childcare would be a good start.

Touché

This fencing match isn’t really about money. It’s about power. Employers have traditionally held all the power in the relationship. The pandemic gave employees a sense of agency and a means to prove they can handle it. A significant percentage of the workforce discovered that it does not make sense for them to stay in one place 9:00am-5:00pm Monday – Friday to do their jobs well. And so far nothing management has done to lure them back has changed their minds.

Would you accept a pay cut to work from home? Please share why or why not in the comments.

What Did You Expect?

Once upon a time, I worked for a manager who gave me a priority list every Monday. Then every Friday I gave him a status report which shaped his list for the following Monday. He gave me in writing what he expected over the next week, month, and quarter. I knew what he wanted and he knew what I was doing. Our expectations were aligned and we worked happily ever after. Sound like a fairy tale?

In subsequent employment, my procedure is to figure out what my manager wants and give it to them. Sometimes I’m a hit. Sometimes I’m a miscommunication. Here are a few things I’ve learned about aligning expectations with managers, teammates, and clients.

Managers

Communication is hard. Conflicts happen. These are opportunities. Even if the only upside is that your emotional intelligence gets a workout. You can only control you. You can’t control other people’s opinions of you and sometimes that stings. One of the best ways to take the stinger out is to get curious. For example, ask, “What events led to this conclusion?” “What boundary was crossed?” “Please define the non-negotiables.” The answers to these questions can reveal what your next steps should be. Maybe a different department is a better fit for you. Maybe a different company is a better fit for you. At the very least, conflict gives you better questions to ask. This data is useful because you rarely have the full scope of variables that led to the conflict.

Teammates

Everyone brings their preferences for working together to the team. You approach a project thinking you know how this is going to go, and so does everyone else. Organizations hire people for different positions, put them on a team, and expect them to get projects done. If they don’t assign and communicate roles, expectations, and how tasks should pass from one coworker to another, then how will anything get done? Throw in the fact that Plan A rarely works, and you have a mess of wrong intentions, confused roles, and misaligned expectations on your hands. To remedy this, have a kick-off meeting for each new project and ask each team member to answer these questions out loud. “What is our goal?” “What is your role in achieving it?” By the end of the meeting every member should know both their role as well as all their teammate’s roles in achieving the goal.

Clients

If you do the above with your coworkers, then satisfying the client is much easier, but it’s only part of the equation. You need to close the loop by consistently aligning your team’s expectations with your customer’s. On the team side, you can check with direct reports after giving instructions. For example, ask, “Do you have any questions?” On the client side, you can reiterate the instructions you receive. For example, “This is what I heard you say that you need from us…” You can also survey clients after a project. For example, ask, “What did you like best about the way we communicated?” “For future reference, what improvements in communication would you like us to implement?”

One wrong assumption and adverse reaction leads to another. Habitual unchecked communication fuels suspicion and negative reactions. Once this pattern is normalized, it’s hard to break. You cannot build effective working relationships without effective communication.

What is your process for aligning expectations at work? Please share in the comments.

Hit and Miscommunication

It’s a tale as old as time. No, not Beauty and the Beast; I’m referring to miscommunication in the workplace. Because we get so much practice at it, most of us think we are great communicators. Yet this recent study found 81% of employees reported that miscommunication happens very frequently, frequently, or occasionally. Let’s think about the quality of our workplace communication and not just when it is spoken or written. A cocked eyebrow after a coworker shares an opinion, looking at your phone during meetings, even taking longer than 24 hours to reply to an email, are all forms of communication. Here are five ways you can upgrade the quality of your communication at work.

You Have Issues

Realize you bring your personal challenges to work with you. This effects both how you receive and transmit communication. For example, if you are a nurse and had a bad commute to the hospital, then you bring that stress both to your patients and coworkers. If you are a self-aware nurse, then you take a minute at the beginning of your shift to breathe, let go of the tension, and refocus.

Perception Is Reality

The brain takes bits of information and creates a story around them. You come to believe this narrative is the truth. When the story turns negative about a conversation with a teammate, stop and think. Was his tone defensive? Was his body language aggressive? Was he looking you in the eye during your heated debate? For example, weary can present as annoyed. When you recall the difficult conversation and your thoughts drift negative, try processing your memories through the filter of assuming that everyone is doing their best. It helps your brain construct a better narrative.

I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

It’s tedious in the short run, but going back to your coworker and asking for clarity will save time in the long run. It will help you figure out how to more effectively communicate with them in the future. It will let them know you see them. It may prevent future conflict. Using a format like, when you told me that, this is what I heard. I interpreted it to mean the other. Did you mean what I think you meant?

Control The Environment

Create an environment conducive to listening, speaking, and writing. If you work in an office with an open layout, then communication is inherently difficult. For example, the music piped throughout the office, a neighboring coworker’s videoconference, and the random fun facts your teammate keeps interrupting your work with are all obstacles to active listening and effective email writing. When a conversation is important to get correct, find a quiet space to talk. When an email is important to get correct, listen to white noise through your noise-cancelling earbuds.

Seek Feedback

The sooner you receive data on your job performance after a project, the better. If your manager does not hold a weekly 1:1 with you, then request those recurring meetings. Ask not only how your manager thinks you did, but also how their manager thinks you did. Positive feedback tells you that you’re on the right track. Negative feedback allows you to course correct for the next project.

How do you manage expectations at work? Please share in the comments.

Put Me in Coach

Last week we looked at how women build confidence when they become mothers and how that skill transfers to leadership at work. I’m not suggesting that every woman needs to have a child in order to be a good leader. I’m saying that motherhood is, by default, leadership training. Here in Part Two, let’s examine how motherhood trains moms to become coaches and how that set of skills makes them influential leaders at work.

Moms learn that their children all react differently to the same situation. Managers learn that the members of their teams respond differently to the same situation. For example, at home when Mom says to her two children, “Let’s go to the library.” One child may jump off the couch and the other may refuse to budge. At work when Manager says to her two employees, “Let’s go to the conference.” One coworker may start registering and the other may start making excuses for why they can’t go. In both of these situations, the people need a coach to inspire, encourage, and motivate them.

Inspire

A mom models the way she wants her child to behave. If a child sees Mom celebrating successes both big and small, asking questions instead of blaming, and managing inconveniences with a positive attitude, then that child is inspired to act the way Mom does when they find themselves in similar situations. A mom who is a leader in the workplace operates the same way. For example, a leader gives her direct report credit for a job well done in front of the CEO. A leader asks an individual contributor why the deadline was missed instead of blaming them for missing it. A leader responds to a complaint by assuring the client that they are heard and working through lunch with her staff to rectify the situation.

Encourage

A mom helps her child achieve goals. She learns to recognize when more training is necessary versus when it is time to gently push her child to accomplish a task on their own. A mom who leads in the workplace believes her team can accomplish their goals. She supports their efforts whether they need mentoring or monitoring and guides each team member accordingly.

Motivate

A mom uses what is important to her child as incentive. For example, Mom at home may say, “If you finish your homework now, then you can spend an extra thirty minutes playing Forza Horizon 4.” This same mom will use that skill to learn what is important to her direct reports. At work she may say, “If you work on Independence Day, you can have July 5th off with pay as compensation.” In both scenarios, everyone feels like they were treated fairly.

Inspiring, encouraging, and motivating require the capability to delay gratification. Moms labor for years to raise a child. There is no guarantee that child will learn what Mom is teaching and use it to become a productive member of society. Day after day moms model respect, positivity, and, hope. These are attributes every coach should have. A woman who can do that at home is an effective leader in any workplace.

Does your organization have people who are recognized, or unrecognized, as coaches? How many of them are moms? Please share what they do that makes you think of them as coaches in the comments.