You opened LinkedIn for a minute. You scroll across a former coworker’s promotion announcement. Then you pause when you see an old classmate just earned their MBA. Then you’re faced with a photo of your work rival fist bumping a client you’re both pursuing. Now it’s 30 minutes later and your blood pressure is high before you even open your email.
Comparison pretends to be your friend. It whispers, “I’m just trying to help you.”But instead of bringing insight, it brings anxiety. Comparison appears responsible. You benchmark your output against a coworker’s. You measure your career timeline against a peer’s. You wonder why someone else seems to answer every message faster than you, lead every meeting better than you, and somehow still look hydrated while doing it.
When you compare yourself to other people you are measuring your behind-the-scenes against someone else’s carefully edited highlight reel. You see their promotion, not the two years of messy projects that led to it. You see their polished presentation, not the draft they hated yesterday. You see their confidence, not the Slack message they rewrote six times before sending it. You aren’t seeing all the data. You wouldn’t make a decision with incomplete data. So why are you judging yourself with it?
Notice Instead of Measure
You’re wise to notice what others are doing. You can spot trends, sharpen your skills, and make better choices. Be aware of the difference between learning from others and using them as proof that you’re behind. For example, when a colleague finishes a project faster than you, is your first thought you’re too slow? Maybe their project had fewer stakeholders. Maybe they reused a template. Maybe they worked late three nights in a row and now their brain is running on coffee and vending machine candy bars.
A better thought is, “Where is the bottleneck in my process?” When comparison starts whispering, engage your continuous improvement mindset to control it. If your coworker is great at running meetings, observe their system. Do they send agendas ahead of time? Do they name decisions clearly? Do they end with assigned task owners? Borrow the useful parts.
You can continuously improve without turning every interaction into a silent competition. Improvement asks, “How can I get better?” Comparison asks, “Why am I not them?” The former builds skill. The latter drains your battery.
Choose Who Counts
Have you heard someone say they don’t care what people think? Was that someone me? Did you think, “She’s adorable. And lying.” (You were right on both counts. Thank you. <blushing>) I stopped saying that when I realized I should probably care what the person who signs my paycheck thinks. It’s appropriate to care what certain people think. Your manager, your partner, your bestie, your dog, obviously. I can tell you being judged by a labradoodle is not fun.
Feedback matters, but not all feedback deserves the same weight. Your frenemy who makes snide comments in meetings does not get the same vote as the manager who understands your goals. The stranger online announcing their 5 a.m. productivity routine doesn’t get to define your worth. The influencer who posts like sleep is a character flaw can go enjoy their green smoothie in peace. Namaste away from me, please.
Your trusted circle should include people who care about your growth and understand the context of your life. They have earned the right to tell you the truth in love.
What do you do to stop comparing yourself to others? Please share in the comments.
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