Self-Care is a Thing

Photo by Adrianna Calvo from Pexels
Photo by Adrianna Calvo from Pexels

I recently discovered self-care is actually a thing. I’ve always equated it to “Treat Yo Self”, but I was wrong. It’s an entire sub-industry of wellness and mental health rooted in medicine. (Here is an interesting article on its origins.) Innumerable products can be marketed for self-care: Frappuccino? Sure. Designer handbag? Absolutely. New car? You deserve it! It’s easy to quickly spiral out of control. In theory, self-care is simple (though not necessarily easy): It’s making time to relax and do something you enjoy. But, it’s faster to buy yourself something than to carve out time in your schedule for a bubble bath. You need down time. It helps your brain make new connections between existing ideas, prevents burn out, and keeps you from stress-eating Snickers. We should take care of ourselves, but it becomes a task and that list is already too long. Attempting to decrease our stress increases it instead. Isn’t that counterproductive (and ironic)? Here are five low maintenance self-care ideas. Choose a couple that don’t stress you out.  

Rest – Get ruthless with your schedule and prioritize sleep. Do you need to cut back on after-work girls’ nights? Can your partner take the kids to volleyball practice this week? Do you have to attend that Pampered Chef party? When I feel like I’m not following the Golden Rule, I put myself in time-out. I come home from work, put on my jammies, and take an evening to snuggle the dog and watch Jeopardy until I can fall asleep. If that’s 8:00pm, so be it. I ban caffeine, sugar, and social media. The next morning, I’m ready to roll out of bed and get back to the hustle.  

Be Good to Yourself – or nobody else will (Shoutout to Journey). What clears your mind? Music? Exercise? Reading? Make wise choices regarding what you allow in your mind as well as your body. Be aware of what you think about yourself and how you talk to yourself. Carefully evaluate negative comments about you and discard opinions that are invalid.  Choose what to believe and build yourself up. Don’t let the haters live rent free in your head. 

Tune Out – I’m guilty of checking work email on weekends because I lie to myself:  “I need to know if Joe Sixpack replied to the message I sent him on Friday.” No, I don’t. So, unless the sky will fall if I don’t check my work inbox, I’m not, and don’t you do it either. Sometimes I set my phone’s timer for fifteen minutes and journal, close my eyes and box breathe, or surf Pinterest for new chicken recipes. Whatever reboots your brain is how you need to spend your T.E.A.M.

Spend Money – I give myself a weekly allowance and save it. When I find something I want, I spend that money and feel zero guilt. Put a few dollars aside to invest in yourself. Go buy a new nail color, get a new workout outfit, or visit your hair stylist. The indulgence doesn’t have to be solitary. Take a friend out for coffee or take your mom to brunch. 

Or Not – Self-care doesn’t have to cost money. Walk the dog. Take a nap. Get a book from the library. Watch a concert on YouTube. Sleep in an extra half hour on your day off. Take a vacation day from work. Stay in bed and watch movies. Go for a bike ride. Self-care is about time. It’s about taking a break to rest, recharge, and rejuvenate. Isn’t it about time you took a break? Please share how you manage self-care in the comments section below.

Trust Issues

Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels
Photo by rawpixel.com from Pexels

The people in my town are hard core skeptics. I spent the better part of 2018 trying to convince small business owners (SBOs) that not only could I GIVE them energy efficient measures (including installation), these measures could save them hundreds of dollars on their electric bills. I had a list of eligible small businesses. I visited the businesses, contacted the decision maker, and offered them our service. My biggest obstacle was convincing them the measures were free. Even when I admitted the catch was our measures had to fit their existing fixtures, some suspected a charge would eventually show up on their utility bill. SBOs missed out on both free installed measures and cheaper monthly bills because they didn’t trust me. I tried all kinds of reasoning: “Small business is the foundation of our community. The electric company knows it’s expensive to run a small business. I have the power to save you money, let me help you!” I felt like Jacob Marley’s ghost in “A Christmas Carol.” If you are in sales or outreach, (Let’s face it: For our employers to stay in business we’re all in sales or outreach) how do you earn a potential customer’s trust? Here are some things I did:

I started with friends; especially those with showrooms for whom lighting was a pain point. Not only do printers, jewelers, and tailors need well lit showrooms, those showrooms are expensive to light. After my team did a great job for them, I asked for referrals and encouraged word of mouth. I asked them if they knew other SBOs on whom I could call. When I got a name and contact number, I asked them to text or email that SBO to expect my call. Because my friend trusts me, and the referral trusts my friend, the referral can trust me. After installation, I sent emails to the referrals thanking them for participating. My email said I hoped they were happy with the measures and the lower electric bills, to call me if they weren’t, and oh, by the way, do you know of anyone else we can help? It’s the Faberge theory of marketing. Eventually in my request for referral emails, I could say we served over 100 businesses. I obtained permission from some to give their email addresses to skeptics as references. I used their credibility as a trust builder.

Other suggestions:

  • Make it easy for your loyal customers to champion your cause. For example: Write a testimonial for them to approve or edit. Post it on your social media platforms and ask them to post it to theirs, if appropriate.
  • Expect to contact potential customers multiple times before securing them: In person, follow up email, phone call, snail mail. Use different communication mediums to get their attention.
  • When something goes wrong, and it will, fix it quickly and generously then use it as an example to potential customers of your trustworthiness.

Why go to all this trouble? Because trust takes time to build and once it’s broken, it’s virtually impossible to re-establish. Trust is what keeps your customers coming back. Translation: Brand loyalty. Like it or not, you are a brand. You represent your product/service. You need customers to trust you because their trust pays your bills.

What are some things you do to promote trust with potential customers? Please share in the comments section below.

Get S.M.A.R.T.

Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels
Photo by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

It’s come to my attention that I often endorse setting S.M.A.R.T. goals, but have yet to explain how. Oops. Since the acronym S.M.A.R.T. varies, let’s define some terms, give some examples, then discuss how to set and sustain them.

When referring to S.M.A.R.T. goals, I mean:
Specific – Answers: Who? What?
Measurable – Quantifiable results
Achievable – Can be planned
Realistic – Makes sense
Timely – Has a deadline

What a S.M.A.R.T. goal is and is not:
Specific – Is: “I will read for at least 15 minutes every day.” Is not: “I will read.”
Measurable – Is: “I read 15 minutes yesterday.” Is not: “I read yesterday.”
Achievable – Is: “I will read 15 pages every day.” Is not: “I will read 500 pages every day.”
Realistic – Is: “I will read for 15 minutes every day.” Is not: “I will read for 25 hours every day.”
Timely – Is: “I will read for 15 minutes by the time I go to bed.” Is not: “I will read for 15 minutes by the time I go to work.”
 
The above illustration is a template. It may not be true for you. I read for 15 minutes by the time I go to work, but that might not work for you. On the other hand, reading 500 pages every day may be achievable for you. It isn’t for me.

How to set S.M.A.R.T. goals:
First figure out what you want to accomplish. Start with a small goal, (IE: a low risk goal with a short deadline like reading more) then move up to big goals (IE: managing diabetes with lifestyle and not drugs). This way you can practice and document, make adjustments to your process, and gain confidence.

This blog is a real life example of how to set a big S.M.A.R.T. goal:
Specific: I want to launch a website that houses my resume, book, and articles. I want it to be a place for a community to gather for encouragement.
Measurable: I can track the number of posts I publish.
Achievable: I can plan for how much money and time it will take.
Realistic: I can publish one post weekly for the foreseeable future.
Timely: I want to launch the website on January 1, 2018.

I broke the process into steps:
I took a year to write content: blog posts in various stages of completion, copy for the Bus Stop Devotions page, updated my resume, etc.
I researched: read blogs by people I admired, checked out hosts, platforms, domain name providers, and security providers for cost, ease of use, and support.
I thought about what I wanted it to look like (theme, colors, layout, etc.), its purpose (advice for my daughter? Finding my tribe? Both?), and would it be worth my T.E.A.M.?

How to sustain S.M.A.R.T. goals:
This website has  just passed its one year mark and I feel like I’m achieving this S.M.A.R.T. goal. It gets tricky some times. I post on Sundays and they come with excruciating regularity. To sustain it, I reward myself for achievements both small (IE: publishing a post) and big (IE: the one year anniversary), and I celebrate wins both small (IE: weekly linking on social media) and big (IE: asked to be a contributing writer for Fairygodboss.com).

Give S.M.A.R.T. goal setting a try. With performance reviews right around the corner, set a small one right now for practice and bookmark this page to refresh your memory come performance review time. Your manager will be impressed when you bring S.M.A.R.T. goals to your meeting. If you need support as you prep for your review, get in touch. I’m happy to help. Tell me about your progress setting S.M.A.R.T. goals in the comments section below.

Realistic Resolutions

Photo by Bich Tran from Pexels
Photo by Bich Tran from Pexels

Every December 26, health clubs, grocery stores, and sports equipment retailers pull out the “New Year, New You!” hooey. First of all, stop pressuring me to make New Year’s resolutions. They’re clichéd and can even be harmful. Who hasn’t resolved to lose weight then used it as an excuse to overeat from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day? (“I can eat whatever I want now because I’m dieting come January 2.”) New Year’s resolutions encourage unreasonably high expectations. If you made one this year, it’s likely you’ve given up on it by now.  And second: What’s wrong with the old me? (No comments, please. That was a rhetorical question.) Instead of the stop smoking, quit nail biting, new job January goals, how about resolving to:

Be Grateful – Find something daily to be grateful for by keeping a gratitude journal. Read more about that here. Keep it however you want: real paper, an app on your phone/tablet, whatever medium inspires you to keep coming back to it. I suggest pulling it out for a few minutes at the same time every day to write, doodle, copy and paste, or however you express your gratitude.

Read

Exercise Your Creativity – Pick up a new hobby: play an instrument, knit, paint, tai-chi, cook, learn a foreign language, goat yoga, Civil War re-enacting, something you’ve never done, but always wanted to do.

Read

Connect – Stay in touch with friends and/or family. Go beyond liking their Facebook posts. Go to a museum, a movie, or brunch together. Calendar time to check in face to face.

Read

Practice Kindness – Let people merge onto the highway in front of you, be punctual, don’t participate in office gossip, pay for the order behind you in the Starbuck’s drive-thru line.

Read

Volunteer – Your church, animal shelter, and women’s center need you. It’s good to be needed. When you help others you reduce your stress, ward off depression, and make friends. I’m not making this up. Here, I Googled it for you.

Read

Work on You – How about a new hair style? You don’t have to commit to anything, just browse online for the latest trends and see if there’s anything you like. Do you need to change your eating habits? Get a cookbook from the library featuring low fat, low carbohydrates, high vegetables, and high fiber recipes. Does your wardrobe need updating? Go through your closet and donate anything you haven’t worn in two years. (Unless it’s that Def Leppard concert T-shirt you bought at the Hysteria Tour in 1987. Send that to me; please and thank you.) Then take that Christmas bonus and buy yourself a new outfit. Is your resume up to date? Check your contact information, experience, skills, and education sections to ensure they’re current.

Read – (When, when, when was I redundant?!) – If you aren’t a reader, you should be. It’s got all kinds of benefits. Read (LOL) about some here. If you need suggestions on what to read, check out my friend Susan’s 2018 List. She’s a high school English teacher in Atlanta, GA. I’m sure you’ll find something you like.  

If you need to make a change, start now. Every day is an opportunity to grow. Forget the resolutions; instead, focus on setting S.M.A.R.T (Specific. Measurable. Achievable. Realistic. Timely) goals for self-improvement. And remember, you don’t have to start any of these now. Your best year ever can start in March if you want it to, but why wait to do something that can make you feel good about yourself?

Please share your thoughts on New Year’s resolutions in the comments section below.

Kindness Is Good Business

Photo by mentatdgt from Pexels
Photo by mentatdgt from Pexels

I’m reading Adam Grant’s book, “Give and Take.” (Yes, it’s taken me five years to get to it. #beenkindabusyoverhere) It’s based on his research on why people succeed or fail in their professions. I was drawn to it because I’m increasingly convinced the paradigm for succeeding in business I learned (work hard, be so good at what you do they can’t ignore you, and take as much as you can get) is outdated. Social media makes the business world a small one. It’s such a key factor in employment that if all you do is take, word quickly gets around and no one wants to hire you nor work with you. So how can we succeed in business without really trying? Kindness. For me, here is what kindness means, what it doesn’t mean, and what I hope the results will be.

What it means: Creating win-win situations for both my clients and me. Businesses are made up of people. These people aren’t just my customers. They’re my friends, so I should treat them like it. Granted, they may not be my phone-call-at-four-in-the-morning friends, but they are my we-can-go-further-together-than-on-our-own friends. What does this look like in real life?

Asking questions and listening to the answers instead of forming responses in my head through the filter of “How do I make this work for me?”

Finding out what their goals are and how they want to reach them. Is there something I can do to help, even if it’s not a product or service I offer?

Paying attention to issues they have with my product or service. Conflict happens. I can use the opportunity to provide excellent customer service and strengthen the relationship.

Self-effacing. Not only do I have to be okay with not getting credit for my ideas, but also not mind if I’m giving more than I’m getting from the transaction.

Kindness means being available, staying genuinely interested in the health of the client’s business, and proving that I care.

What it doesn’t mean: Being a pushover. Learning how to politely say, “No, my product/service is not free. I won’t give it away just to keep your business and you probably wouldn’t want it, trust it, or find value in it if it was free.” Kindness doesn’t mean nice guys finish last. Helping others whether or not I benefit from the situation doesn’t mean I can’t have personal success. My clients don’t have to suffer in order for me to benefit. In fact, customers are attracted by generosity and tell their colleagues about it. Kindness is contagious. It takes time to pay off, but business is a marathon not a sprint.

Results: When I demonstrate that my client’s success is my success, I get customer retention and referrals. Kindness grows exponentially. It not only leads to more kindness, but also manifests itself in creativity, trust, enthusiasm, patience, and goodwill. As a pleasant side effect, these qualities bleed over into my personal life. Need any more reasons why you should be kind? Be kind because you can.

Please share your stories of how using kindness as a business strategy works for you in the comments section below.


Boss? Friend? Both?

Photo by Christina Morillo for Pexels
Photo by Christina Morillo for Pexels

49% of American workers consider their manager a friend. If you job hunt on social media, plenty of your friends know you’re looking, and that’s the point of networking, right? So it’s possible at some point in your career, you’ll work for someone who is your friend. Here are five things you can do to keep both your friend and your job.

Before You Accept the Offer – Go to lunch and have an honest chat. Ask her what she thinks the pros and cons of working together will be. Does she have any hesitations? Is she worried about possible uncomfortable scenarios? Are you? Now is the time to find out. Ask the tough questions: “Will I be the ‘teacher’s pet’?” “Will you be harder on me than on the rest of the team just so it won’t look like I’m the teacher’s pet?” If you take the job, you’ve set a precedent for honest communication.

Grow Thick Skin – Your friend has friends at the office. They may go to lunch or happy hour and not invite you. They have inside jokes. You have to decide whether it’s appropriate to join in or ignore them. If your new coworkers know you and your manager are friends, they may exhibit possessive behavior to see how you’ll react. Practice your poker face and find common ground on which to bond with the whole team.

Intentional Communication – Expectations change and so do boundaries. Meet with your manager at regular intervals (Weekly? Twice a month? Whatever is necessary for clear communication) to clarify hers. For example: When a deadline looms, does she expect the team to work overtime or just the project lead? Or, does everyone take turns covering the switchboard during lunch?

Don’t Take Advantage – If you’ve been friends for years, you know what her hot buttons are. She knows yours too. Just because you know what buttons to push does not mean you should push them. You may get what you want right now, but hurt yourself in the long run. For example: If you feel strongly about a project’s objective, do you know how far to push your opinion without undermining her authority in front of the team? Lay down ground rules for fighting fair before any disagreements pop up.

Beware of Too Much Togetherness – Does she text you at night for status reports? Don’t answer after hours. Does happy hour turn into a briefing on the PowerPoint presentation you’re starting tomorrow? Stop going out for drinks after work. Be selective about how much time you spend together outside of the office and what you do. For example: If you go to a movie together, you select which movie to see or at least where it’s showing. Occasionally take the lead in your friendship, otherwise you’ll fall into the same pattern you have at the office.

Have you ever worked for a friend? What was your experience like? Please share your story in the comments section below.

Present Pressure

Photo by freestocks.org from Pexels
Photo by freestocks.org from Pexels

One of the biggest elements of the holiday season is gift giving. When it comes to work, under what circumstances should you give presents? As for coworkers, I address that subject in my latest article for Fairygodboss, but what about the other people in your work life?

Holiday gifts are an opportunity to remind clients and contractors of the goals we achieved together over the past year. I try to deepen the relationships, but I keep the gifts shallow; in other words, not overly personal. You won’t receive a tie or perfume from me. You may, however, receive a subtly (think watermark) company branded cell phone wallet or journal. I want my receivers to remember me fondly, not feel like they’re walking advertisements for my employer. If I know my receiver well enough to know their interests (or if they have an assistant I can ask), a personal gift is the way to go. But if I don’t, I go local. For example: I live in Dayton, Ohio and am blessed to have access to Dayton specific gifts appropriate for business giving: Bill’s Donuts, Esther Price candy, anything from Dorothy Lane Market’s bakery, gift certificates to Marion’s Pizza or Carillon Park, etc. Plenty of companies have rules about employees accepting gifts including dollar limits (IE: they can’t accept gifts worth more than $25). If I don’t know what the rules are, I check with their HR department. I had a customer for whom receiving gifts was against company policy. I took him a dozen cookies from a local bakery so he and his staff could eat the evidence. I stay away from humorous gifts unless I know my receiver REALLY well because senses of humor vary greatly. A gift doesn’t have to be a physical object. Here are three things you could give that don’t go under a Christmas tree:

Words: Amplify their blog posts, like their pictures on social media, endorse them on Linkedin, share articles they write, leave positive comments on their websites. Write a nice review on their company Facebook page, be intentional with kind words. When our daughter accepted a position pending graduation, she announced it on social media. She not only expressed her excitement at the job, but also thanked the university that helped her get the job. Her post implies if you attend this university, you could get a job after graduation. Her testimonial is a gift because the university promotes post-graduation employment in their recruiting.

Service: Everyone is going through something – offer to help. Be value added. Serve their needs. I had a customer who didn’t want to participate in my program because it required her to notify hundreds of people. I created a document she could email and distribute. It sealed the deal. I saved it as a template and offered it to all my customers after that. Providing extra customer service distinguishes you from your competitors. If you make your customers’ lives easier, they want to keep you around.

Generosity: Go beyond a thank-you-for-your-business-this-year email. Donate to their favorite cause. It gives you an opportunity for follow up. Or, even better, volunteer at their favorite charity alongside them. It gives you an opportunity to bond. Be generous, but not extravagant; that can get real creepy real fast. Don’t expect a gift in return. If you do receive a gift, be gracious even if you don’t like it and be sure to send a thank you note; preferably hand written and sent snail mail. Gift giving can be tricky, but let common sense, kindness, and authenticity be your guides. Share your business gift giving suggestions here and Happy Holidays!


Dealing With a Difficult Boss

Photo by Kat Jayne form Pexels
Photo by Kat Jayne form Pexels

I had a manager who labeled me with an unflattering nickname. I asked him to stop. He didn’t. He referred to me by this name at the end of a staff meeting once. Only one other person thought it was funny. Unfortunately, that person was also my supervisor. The nickname is just one example of how he treated me. He was one of my managers for over a year. I dreaded going to work, but I needed the employment. Are you in the same boat? What do you do when you have a difficult boss, but can’t quit your job? Here’s what I did:

I Documented EVERYTHING – For example: one Saturday, on my only day off, he texted me at 6:00AM for something that was not an emergency. Not only did I ignore him, I screenshot the time stamped message. I wrote down times and dates and witnesses of our strained conversations. I kept copies of documents that proved what I had done and when I had done it. I looked for male allies because traditionally in that industry when a female employee conflicted with a male manager, she was the one let go. I did not text, email, or put anything in writing that could possibly be misinterpreted. Just because I was paranoid didn’t mean he wasn’t out to get me.

I Did Not Involve Others – I didn’t gossip or complain to sympathetic coworkers. I saved my drama for my mama. (Sorry Mom. Thanks!) I observed the chain of command. I went to this manager with pertinent concerns and questions. I chose my battles carefully. I restrained myself from insubordination. It was uncomfortable, but when he went low, I went high.

I Stood My Ground. Politely – I was not confrontational, but I looked him in the eye when he was. For example: When he lectured me for half an hour then asked why a task he gave me was not completed, I suggested we schedule a regular weekly meeting as well as a daily quiet hour so I could efficiently work on his task list. I requested guidelines for my responsibilities and prioritized tasks accordingly.

I Used My Resources – Eventually, I went to the organization’s HR department, asked for their definition of harassment, and found out what my options were. I identified people whom I wanted as references in my job search. I updated my resume. I took my vacation days to interview for a new position.

Long story, short: My manager lost his job and I kept mine. My documentation and witnesses saved me. I found a wonderful company that offered great pay, benefits, and working environment and I worked for them for several years. Are you currently working for a difficult boss? Don’t give up! Tell me about it here:

Trial or Tool?

Photo Source: pixabay.com
Photo Source: pixabay.com

You walk into the office on Wednesday morning to discover the team member you hired two weeks ago, quit without notice. The disasters this causes start running through your head: loss of revenue, production, etc. Now, instead of attacking your end of month to-do list, you have to do all the company’s termination tasks, get the ball rolling to hire a replacement, and make arrangements to cover all the former employee’s responsibilities. Even if this example doesn’t apply to you, you frequently face crises at work. When one happens, do you see it as a trial or a tool? The way you choose to look at the problem is crucial to your solving it. Here are three ways to turn obstacles into opportunities.

Don’t Panic: Stop. Take a deep breath. Write down everything you’re thinking so you can get the negative thoughts out of your head to make room for thoughts that will help you solve the problem. Circumstances are like clay, not a brick wall. You can mold them. What you currently think of as “rules” to handling your situation, didn’t always exist. Someone had to come up with the idea, do it over and over again, pass it on to someone else on the team, and now it’s just the way things are done. You are perfectly capable of coming up with another way to overcome the obstacle, and when you do, you’ll be the office hero.

Adjust Your Attitude: Don’t whine and wallow. Okay, maybe for five minutes, but then get over the emotion that tells you the situation isn’t fair. You need all your energy to focus on thinking clearly, communicating what needs done, and solving the problem. Problem solving is easier when you’re confident you can do it. When setbacks happen, tell yourself: “Well, here are the things we know don’t work.” Celebrate the baby steps that move you forward. You can build on small wins and snowball them into progress. Ever trained a puppy? When he did something you wanted him to do, like sit, you gave him a treat. When you told him to sit and he wouldn’t, you didn’t give him the treat. Do the same thing with yourself. When you accomplish something that moves you toward resolution, reward yourself. It can be something small, like a walk around the building or something bigger, like lunch out with a friend.

Make This Work for You: What can you learn from this situation? Whom in the office are your allies? Who are your enemies? Who are your frienemies? When the team is under pressure, you can quickly spot who is in your corner and who isn’t. Tuck this knowledge away for future reference. What progress can you document for your next performance review? How can you stand out in a good way? Does your boss have your back? Does your boss have your front? For example, when reporting to the company she says something like, “Yes this puts us behind schedule, but here is what Susan is doing to rectify that…” Take this opportunity to listen to chatty, stressed out team members. Practice your emotional intelligence and hear what they have to say without judgement. Silently wade though their emotions and evaluate whether or not their points are valid. Is there a way to incorporate their ideas into a solution? Encourage your team to not give up. All these things demonstrate your developing leadership skills.

The problem that seemed insurmountable on Wednesday can look a lot more surmountable by Friday, if you perceive roadblocks as fuel for success. You can do this!

Please share your stories of turning obstacles into opportunities here:

How Far I’ll Go

Photo by Francesco Ungaro from Pexels
Photo by Francesco Ungaro from Pexels

We all need help at work from time to time. Whether the client wants a last minute presentation, a coworker goes on maternity leave, or a problem halts production, there are times when the team has to pull together to accomplish its goals. But how far should you go to pitch in? Before you volunteer to once again help that coworker who always seems to be behind the eight ball, ask yourself these questions:

How far are you willing to go? Find out how big the task is and how long you’re expected to stick with it. Do you have a part in the process or will you be responsible for the entire project? To be motivated, do you need to feel like your coworker is working as hard as she can? How do you know she is? For example, will you be frustrated if you’re cold calling in the snow in February while she’s setting up her home office? Is she asking you to do things she could easily do herself? IE: If she asks you to order file folders and have them sent to that home office, will that tick you off? It’s hard to persist completing her tasks in addition to your normal job if you dislike them. Are you friends with this person? It’s both easier and harder to help out a friend. She’s counting on you to meet her needs and you feel guilty when you have to put your work first. Will you lose this friend if you refuse to help or if you make a mistake?

Is there any way this can backfire? If helping someone else endangers one of your projects you have to say no, even if it causes conflict with your coworker. Is this task temporary or will you end up her permanent unofficial assistant? When you take on a responsibility, there’s always a chance it will become part of your job and you won’t be compensated for it. Are you okay with that? Is this coworker infamous for trying to give her work away? Helping her could give you a reputation as a doormat. Do you already help other people? If so, you may want to limit your assistance to performing the same task for everyone. For example, If you proofread team members’ activity reports, you not only define your boundary, you can also position yourself as a Subject Matter Expert. If you help on this project and it fails, will you be held responsible? If you help on this project and it succeeds, will you get credit?

Can you take advantage? If you’re going to take on extra responsibilities temporarily, make sure they’re a good use of your precious time. If it’s a way to learn new skills, allows you to stretch out of your comfort zone, pay it forward, makes you a value added employee, increases your visibility to the company in a positive way, and/or makes you look good at performance review time, you should consider it. Maybe you currently have too much time on your hands. Is this project a way to keep busy? It’s actually easier to be busy than to try to look busy. Maybe this temporary responsibility is something that comes naturally to you. If it’s easy for you, go for it.

Like the Beatles, we get by with a little help from our friends. But serial assisting does not get you promoted; it gets the person you’re assisting promoted. Find that boundary between helpful and doormat and don’t cross it.

Share your stories of how far you go to help your team here: