Time

Homing from Work

The term “work marriage” has been around since 1987. If you smoothly run a household alongside your partner, then you’ve mastered skills that can be useful in the workplace. It’s normal to transpose your relationships between home and work, but is it a good idea? Let’s explore how we can transfer the skills we learn during long-term romantic relationships to the workplace in a healthy way.

Communication

In both marriage and the workplace, communication can be as clear as mud. For example:

Your spouse signs all your children’s paperwork for school, so you ignore the permission slip sitting on the dining room table. Two days later you receive an angry text from your spouse because they were called to immediately go to the school and sign an emergency permission slip before your first-grader’s class left for the field trip without them.
Translating this to the workplace, your project manager updates all your team’s workflows, so you ignore the change pending your approval sitting in your inbox. You receive an angry email from your manager because you missed a deadline.

In both scenarios what we have here is a failure to communicate resulting in a conflict. The conflict resolution tactics you use with your spouse are also helpful in your work relationships. Address issues promptly, avoid blame games, and seek solutions. It helps to remember that the goal isn’t to win an argument, but to improve the process. Be candid yet respectful and open to feedback. When you think you are over communicating, that is actually about the right amount of communication.

Patience

When you’ve been married long enough, you’ve weathered storms and sat through endless sports matches, spelling bees, and talent shows. Transfer this patience to the workplace, where tight deadlines and forgotten passwords can test your nerves. Exercise your emotional intelligence by remaining calm, refusing to panic, and offering support to your coworkers. There are approaches you use to soothe your spouse and allow them to both decompress and process stressful situations. You can apply these approaches in the workplace. Knowing when to both actively listen and when to offer advice makes you a valuable asset in any relationship. Professional boundaries differ from personal relationships, so be mindful that a little strategy goes a long way. Best practice? Less counseling and more curiosity.

Teamwork

How many times have you and your spouse had to decide on a restaurant or a movie? You have plenty of experience in the art of compromise. Apply this to your workplace interactions, where differing opinions are as common as casual Fridays. Finding middle ground leads to creative solutions and demonstrates your inclination to collaborate. Marriage is a partnership, and so is your office dynamic. Just as you and your partner tackle household chores together, cooperating with colleagues should lead to smoother projects and better results. You’re all working towards a common goal. Add value where you can, appreciate your coworkers’ contributions, and celebrate even the smallest progress.

The communication, patience, and teamwork skills you hone over years of marriage can be a blueprint for managing relationships at work, but tread lightly. Adapt these skills to fit the unique dynamics of your workplace without turning it into an episode of Friends.

How do the skills you use to get along with your partner translate to your work relationships? Please share in the comments.

The Cure

Work standards seem to change daily. For example: Should we go fully remote? Hybrid? Every employee everywhere in the office all at once? But there is a constant; the pressure for perfection. Perfectionism is like a virus spreading through your organization. Let’s talk about how embracing curiosity can help you cure it.

Help Yourself

If you feel like you have to get work done right the first time, every time, then you don’t want to work. Turning projects down puts you on the fast track to unemployment. But adopting a curious mindset puts you on the fast track to continuous improvement. Accept the project. Ask yourself, “What is the worst that could happen?” Then plan for it. Having a plan helps you build confidence and resilience.
It’s likely that the worst will not happen, but a lesser problem will. When it does, be proactive. Demonstrate you can recognize problems, reframe them as challenges and opportunities, and brainstorm ways to move forward.
Perfection is neither necessary nor constructive. If perfection is your goal, then setbacks will emotionally devastate you and eventually lead to burnout. Curiosity, however, helps you bounce back from setbacks by focusing on the learning process rather than the result. You become more adaptable and better equipped to navigate the inevitable challenges.
Curiosity drives you to explore new areas, learn from different disciplines, and consider diverse perspectives. When curiosity is a habit, you perpetually broaden your knowledge base and develop your reputation as a skilled risk taker. Perfectionists often avoid taking risks, because they are afraid they will fail and coworkers will judge them for it.
Curiosity empowers you to step out of your comfort zone and seize opportunities for professional growth. Whether it’s pursuing a new project, volunteering for a challenging task, or taking on a leadership role. This is the type of talent every organization wants.

Help Your Team

If perfection is the standard your organization expects, then your team routinely feels like they failed. Perfectionism stifles creativity and innovation. On the other hand, curiosity sparks new possibilities. When you experiment and question the status quo, you find unique solutions to problems.
You can reframe failure as a learning tool for your team. The next time a coworker is blamed for missing the target, support them. For example, at the next team meeting say to them in front of everyone, “This is great. Thank you so much for bringing this to our attention. Since that piece did not turn out the way we wanted it to, what do you think we should keep and what do you think we should try next to get the outcome the client wants?” This turns the problem into a puzzle. It diffuses embarrassment and redirects thinking toward the next iteration.
A culture that promotes curiosity over perfection encourages open communication and collaboration. When team members are not afraid to ask questions and to seek help from colleagues, it fosters a supportive work environment where knowledge sharing and ideation thrive. In such a workplace, employees are more likely to feel engaged, valued, and motivated.

Focusing on curiosity over perfection is a powerful shift in mindset that can transform your approach to work. By embracing failure as part of the learning process, you build resilience, expand your skills, and create paths for advancement.

When a project at work does not meet expectations, how do you redirect your thinking toward curiosity? Please share in the comments.

Too Much Information

Access to information 24/7/365 is a double-edged sword. You can find out whatever you want whenever you want, but you also have a clamor of opinions presenting themselves as facts. Data doesn’t lie, but it can be manipulated to reinforce whatever cause a person or group is promoting. How do you sift through all the noise of both too much and conflicting information to find the truth?

Credibility

Look for reputable and authoritative information outlets. For example, academic journals, long-term experts in the field, or news outlets who have won awards for investigative reporting. Assess your source’s credentials. Do they have a history of accuracy and unbiased reporting? Cross-reference information from different sources with varying points of view to get as close to a 360 degree understanding of the topic as possible. For example, look for at least three sources that agree on the problem to be solved and each one offers a different solution. Be mindful of potential biases in the information offered. What is your source’s motivation for delivering this data to the world? Consider the perspectives, motivations, and potential conflicts of interest of your source. For example, is a tobacco company paying for the study whose data alleges smoking cigarettes is good for your health? Examine your source’s claims with a critical mind. Does it pass the logic test? Does the conclusion they reached seem reasonable or do they state unsupported theories as facts?

Context

Examine information through the filter of your specific question. Some information may be accurate but does not directly apply to your situation. For example, COVID-19 changed everything. If the research is from 2019, is it still relevant today? Apply critical thinking to the evidence and supporting data for each piece of information you find. For example, are results of a study easily verifiable? Is empirical evidence, or other well-conducted research easily accessible? Look for specific statistics, experiments, or studies that both support and counter the claims being made. Look for the section of the study that states the who, what, when, where, and how it was conducted. Assess the methodology, sample size, and potential limitations of the research. If the information is based on scientific research, has it undergone rigorous peer review? Typically, peer-reviewed studies are scrutinized by independent experts which increases their reliability.

Consistency

Look for patterns and similarities in the information from diverse sources. If multiple reliable sources consistently come up with similar facts or conclusions, odds are the information is accurate. For example, is there consensus among a majority of subject matter experts? Engage your inner skeptic. Question the information. Look for alternative explanations or counterarguments. Be aware of logic traps, implicit bias, or propaganda techniques that can distort truth.

Uncovering truth is an ongoing evaluation and an iterative process. It requires humility and willingness to rethink when new and often contradictory information emerges. If you stay curious, seek diverse perspectives, and remain open-minded to continuously reassess your conclusions, you may be surprised at how often you discover the truth.

What decision-making criteria do you use to navigate conflicting information to arrive at a reliable understanding of the truth? Please share in the comments.

Shepherd Not Superhero

Superhero movies are out in full force with more to come. You walk out of the theater and into work ready to be the superhero for your clients, but resist the temptation to swoop in and save the day. You are not the Tatooine farm boy Luke Skywalker. You are the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. In other words, your role is to guide your clients to make wise choices that make their organization thrive. Here are some key steps you can take to play your role effectively.

Where Are They?

You and your client are on a journey together. Your itinerary starts with where your client is and ideally ends with where they want to be. Conduct a comprehensive analysis. Help your client objectively evaluate their current business situation, including strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats (SWOT analysis). Identify areas for improvement, growth, and competencies to build on.

Where Do They Want to Go?

Your client’s goals represent the destination you want to reach. Work with them to gain a deep understanding of their business objectives, long-term ambitions, and key performance indicators (KPIs). This knowledge helps you narrow all the ways they could reach their goals down to the best ways to reach them.

How Will You Help Them Get There?

Coach – Form a team made up of players from both your organization and theirs. Together, develop a plan that outlines strategic objectives, targets, and action steps. Tailor the plan to their unique situation and align it with both their current and long-term visions. Get as specific as possible with the information you have. Based on your client’s goals and your analysis of their business, come up with a list of customized solutions and recommendations. For example, Do they need to create new products or services? Do they need to expand into new markets? Are there processes they can improve?

Advise – Schedule regular meetings to update the team on industry trends, market dynamics, and competitor activities. This empowers everyone to make informed decisions in real time and stay ahead of your client’s competitors. Earn their trust by being a reliable source of support and guidance. Demonstrating your commitment to their success fosters a strong relationship with your client. When their needs evolve, adapt your approach accordingly. For example, communicate beneficial emerging technology trends or marketing opportunities. Anticipate challenges their growth strategies may cause and help them mitigate the risks. Don’t just have a Plan A. Have Plans B – E ready so you can minimize the impact of inevitable setbacks.

Manage – Establish KPIs and milestones to track their progress. Regularly review the data and provide your client with progress reports. Definitely highlight your successes, but also identify areas of concern. Let your client know you are watching these areas in case an adjustment is necessary. Outline your contingency plan for the possible adjustment. Periodically evaluate the effectiveness of the implemented strategies. Analyze the results. Are there ways to further optimize future outcomes? Seek feedback from your client and align your guidance to their expectations.

Each client is unique, and their business needs vary. By customizing your guidance, staying informed, and being proactive, you can effectively guide your clients to make super-heroic choices that support their business growth and yours.

How do you ensure you are the guide in your client’s story and not the superhero? Please share in the comments.

Lead Me On

The first leader you ever followed was your mother. From the time you were born she managed, coached, and developed you. It may have felt restrictive, nagging, and painful for both of you while growing up, but today those behaviors she modeled will pay off for you on the job. If you are hiring managerial positions, what qualities should you look for in a candidate that will help you retain your individual contributors? If you are an individual contributor looking to move up, what skills should you hone to supervise direct reports?

Empathy

Mothers learn active listening and how to connect with people on a personal level. These qualities help them understand both the needs of their direct reports and the concerns of their stakeholders. This creates a positive and supportive work environment where employees feel valued and motivated to succeed. These feelings make them want to keep working for your organization. This research says relationships with colleagues is one of the top reasons employees stay with a company. Empathy is considered a soft skill which masks the reality that it requires a thick skin. A leader has to make hard decisions that are best for the company, and may be unpopular with the staff. For example, at home Mom stands firm on her decision prohibiting her teenager from riding in a car with a driver who only has their temps. At work, this is the leader who prohibits her team from delivering a subpar-quality project to the client. Both situations require Mom to get comfortable with people’s disappointment.

Coaching

Whether the piano, your volleyball serve, or multiplication tables, a coach makes you practice. Repetition not only increases muscle memory, but also reveals where processes need improved. For example, Mom trains her child to take out the trash every week. Not only does her child learn the chore needs done, but also if once a week is enough. At work, Mom trains her team to meet for a status update every week. Not only does the team learn what progress was made, but also if meeting once a week is enough. A coaching manager knows you need not only hard skills like learning a second language, profit forecasting, and SEO, but also soft skills like communication, conflict management, and critical thinking. Mothers have years of practice training their children to have a growth mindset. They develop strong communication skills enabling them to constructively articulate their expectations. In the workplace this translates into guidance and encouragement which builds trust and respect with their staff.

Foresight

Mothers have a long-term perspective when it comes to their children’s well-being. This skill can be applied to leading a team, where it’s essential to make decisions that benefit the organization’s future growth and success while balancing competing staffing demands and prioritizing tasks effectively, especially when it comes to crisis management. Mothers put systems in place to handle unexpected challenges such as a sick child. In the workplace, these are the leaders who anticipate what complex emotions from stakeholders they may have to face if they make a certain decision.

Mothers are adept at communicating, motivating, forecasting, navigating conflicts, and fostering relationships. All these are signs of a good manager.

What leadership qualities did I forget? Please share in the comments.

Atomic Habits Stacking

Before and After is a recurring category on the game show, Jeopardy! For example, one of the clues was, “C.S. Lewis’ Narnia book that showed off a little too much skin at the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show.” The correct response was, “What is The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe malfunction?”

The Before and After category has me thinking about goals because I have a theory for goal setting inspired by the Before and After category. I call it Atomic Habits Stacking. It combines two systems: Atomic Habits and Habit Stacking.

We talked a bit about the book, Atomic Habits, back in November. A major takeaway from the book is author James Clear’s statement, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” Clear suggests creating a system to initiate and integrate a new habit by making it obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. For example, let’s say your company adopted new project management software. To adjust to using it, you could begin the workday by logging in to your account, seeing what you accomplished the day before, what work has come in since you last checked it, save urgent tasks to your favorites, and give yourself an Atta Baby! for taking another step to try something new.

What’s Next

Add Habit Stacking to Atomic Habits and you exponentially increase your ability to reach your goals. Building on the example above, after completing those steps, if you choose one of those projects you flagged urgent and begin working on it, then you are Habit Stacking. With Atomic Habits Stacking, you get incrementally closer to reaching multiple goals everyday.

Identify New Goals

A side effect of this process is the identification of future goals. For example, let’s pretend the project you flagged as urgent is data collection for a quarterly report. The future goal that may occur to you is creating a PowerPoint slide for visualizing that data while you have it in front of you. It does not take long to start evaluating new assignments through the filter of, “How can I make this project obvious, attractive, easy, satisfying, and link it to another project?”

Team Atomic Habits Stacking

Your team can implement Atomic Habits Stacking. Continuing our example, when you finish data analysis and create a slide, then tag the person who is writing the report. They Atomic Habits Stack by also writing a rough draft of the Executive Summary. Then they notify the person who has to present. That team member updates what information is gathered and what still needs done. Then their Atomic Habits Stack is sending everyone a Slack message with an updated agenda for the next check-in meeting. It can get complicated so make sure everyone knows what the completion of their event means for triggering the next person. With practice, cooperation, and trust your team will find many cases for Atomic Habits Stacking.

What work habits can you combine to increase your productivity?

The Eye of the Beholder

Photo by Elizaveta Dushechkina from Pexels

I frequently hear various versions of this story from my networks: “Operations told me they assigned a different analyst to our project team because they think we will get along better. I thought we got along just fine, but apparently I offended the last one. I have no idea what I did.” Honestly, efficiently, and politely asking for what you need from coworkers is tricky. The key is authenticity.

Authenticity in the workplace requires consistent and transparent communication, positive nonverbal cues, building trust, and seeking feedback. Here are five examples of what both authenticity and inauthenticity look like at work.

Consistency

You are perceived as authentic when you consistently behave in a way that matches your stated values and beliefs. For example, let’s say you are a project manager who preaches the importance of teamwork. When you are praised for the successful completion of a project, you habitually respond by insisting it was a team effort and list your team’s contributions. On the other hand, if you frequently take credit for your team’s work, then that inconsistency makes you inauthentic.

Transparency

When you communicate honestly and directly, you are often viewed as more authentic than someone who evades tough conversations. For example, if you claim to be a DEIB advocate, then you have a conversation with a colleague who keeps asking you to recruit employees with more diverse life experiences to your department. Open and transparent communication helps you to be perceived as authentic. On the other hand, if you keep avoiding a dialogue with that colleague, then you may be perceived as inauthentic.

Nonverbal Cues

Eye contact, tone of voice, and body language influence your perceived authenticity. For example, if you display positive nonverbal cues in meetings like looking the speaker in the eye, opening your body stance, and taking notes, then you seem authentic. On the other hand, if you look at your phone more than the speaker, cross your arms and legs, or interrupt their report, then you appear inauthentic.

Trust

This may be the most critical component of authenticity. People have to both know and like you before they learn to trust you. It takes time to prove your reliability and credibility. For example, if you routinely complete assignments by their deadlines, then you are perceived as authentic. On the other hand, if you routinely fail to meet deadlines, then your unreliability makes you seem inauthentic.

Feedback

Feedback is a useful tool for gauging your perceived authenticity. For example, at the end of your next 1:1, tell your manager you are working on being authentic. Say that you’d like to send them an email with three questions regarding their perception of your authenticity. Ask if you can discuss their answers at your next 1:1. Part of a manager’s job is to encourage their direct reports to continuously improve. On the other hand, if you do not ask your manager for specific feedback on how you are perceived, then you may never know. We concentrate on getting work done and not on honing the tools, like authenticity, that make getting work done easier.

Sometimes coworkers have legitimate reasons for their behavior or communication style. For example, maybe your relationship has changed. More on that next week in part two of this series.

How do you demonstrate authenticity at work? Please share in the comments.

Uses Time Wisely

In Kindergarten, we weren’t graded on subjects like math or English and we did not receive letter grades on our report cards. Instead, we had a list of goals to meet. The teacher put a check mark next to the goal if it was reached or an X if it wasn’t. I received an X next to “Uses Time Wisely.” It’s haunted me ever since.

How do you determine your level of productivity at work? You compare yourself to your coworkers. You worry that everyone is using their time more wisely than you are, especially if you’re remote or hybrid. By the beginning of Q4 2020, I stopped saying that I work from home and started saying that I home from work. Technology allows us to work when and where we want so we work all the time. This phenomenon is the autonomy paradox. For example, how many times have you replied to work emails on your phone while waiting in line at the grocery? (Asking for a friend.)

Asynchronous work makes you very susceptible to what Brigid Schulte, Director of the Better Life Lab at New America, calls time confetti. These are the minutes scattered throughout your week spent on unproductive multitasking. Alone, the spent time is insignificant, but it adds up pretty quick. For example, would that PowerPoint presentation you’re working on be done right now if you had closed your direct message app for a couple of hours?

Even if your app is minimized, hearing the notifications breaks your concentration and now you know that someone is waiting for you to do something. Your brain is distracted by wondering what it is and figuring out how, when, and where to get everything done. It takes time to mentally shift from one task to another and back again. Before you know it, your time has shredded into confetti. How can you prevent being buried in it?

Protect – When you have a project that requires deep focus, schedule it on your calendar, close your door and put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on it, and turn off direct message and email alerts. Notice how quickly you get it done.

Train -You not only have to set boundaries, you have to show people where they are and hold them when people try to cross them. For example, those who contact me between 7:30pm and 8:00pm EST Monday – Saturday do not reach me. Jeopardy! is my boundary. I do not answer calls, emails, or texts during that time. I have communicated and held that boundary so many times that our daughter bought me a T-shirt.

Forgive – Don’t berate yourself for failing to complete every task on your to-do list every day. We treat time like it’s something we can control, and, to a certain extent, we can and should. However, days have varying rhythms. Stuff happens and we have to roll with it. Think about how many fire drills you have in a week. Checking off every task on your to-do list is not using your time wisely. Giving your best effort is.

What do you do to minimize time confetti? Please share in the comments.

All Fired Up

Welcome to part three of four in the It’s so Quiet series. We’ve already talked about Quiet Promotion and Quiet Quitting. This week let’s look at Quiet Firing.

What Is It?

Quiet Firing happens when management slowly takes away your responsibilities and freedom over time. For example, you have not received a pay raise for years and/or you are turned down for promotions multiple times. You may be getting quietly fired if:

You receive a “Does not meet expectations” evaluation of your job performance at least three times
Coworkers with your same job title receive perks (e.g., WFH days) that you are denied
Everyone in your department receives an equipment upgrade (e.g., mobile phone, laptop, etc.) except you
You are intentionally and repeatedly left out of email threads that are crucial to your duties
You asked for feedback from your manager multiple times and they refuse to give it to you
You signed up for the company’s leadership development program more than twice and are still not accepted

What Can You Do?

Quiet Firing may like feel like gaslighting because the treatment is typically subtle. It is management’s passive-aggressive strategy to encourage you to resign. It makes you ask yourself, “Did what just happen mean what I think it means?” In a LinkedIn News poll, 35% of respondents said they faced Quiet Firing. How can you decide if it is happening to you?

Document: Open up your Atta Baby! files from the last three years. (DM me for a definition of the term.) Use them to create a What’s Up With That? file. For each item in the Atta Baby! files, note what your manager’s reaction was to it. For example, if you saved the company $18K in 2021 by catching a typo in an invoice and still received a “Does not meet expectations” in your annual performance review that year, make a note of that.

Communicate: If your research indicates that you may be getting quietly fired, then it’s time for a 1:1 with your manager. Respectfully share what you found, how you interpret it, and ask if your impression is correct. If your manager gives you specific feedback for areas where you can improve your job performance, then you are probably not being quietly fired. If your manager’s reaction is neutral or dismissive, then it’s time to strategize.

Strategize: Should you stay or should you go? If you want (or need) to stay at your organization, then ask your manager for a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan). I realize this could be a humbling experience, but watch your manager’s reaction. It will be very revealing. If they are impressed and excited that you took this initiative, then there is hope that you are not being quietly fired. If they reject your request for a PIP, then it’s time to find other employment.

Have you ever been quietly fired? Please share what signs to look for in the comments.

Your Favorite Things

We have arrived at the end of another year. Being the data geek that I am, I analyzed the stats to see what articles received the most views. If you missed these conversations, or you’d like to revisit them, here are the top three most viewed articles in each category.

Time for a Brand Refresh

Too Young to be Done

Time for a Change

Energy

Battery Low

You Can Talk to Me

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Attention

Child-free by Choice

Join the Resistance

Treat Me Right

Money

Back to Basics

Isn’t it Romantic?

On the Road Again

Thank you for walking down memory lane with me. The best holiday gift you can give me this year is your feedback. What topics did you like? What other topics would you like to discuss? What challenges at work do you need help solving? Please share in the comments.