Decision Making – Page 10 – mardihumphreys.com

Kindness Is Good Business

I’m reading Adam Grant’s book, “Give and Take.” (Yes, it’s taken me five years to get to it. #beenkindabusyoverhere) It’s based on his research on why people succeed or fail in their professions. I was drawn to it because I’m increasingly convinced the paradigm for succeeding in business I learned (work hard, be so good at what you do they can’t ignore you, and take as much as you can get) is outdated. Social media makes the business world a small one. It’s such a key factor in employment that if all you do is take, word quickly gets around and no one wants to hire you nor work with you. So how can we succeed in business without really trying? Kindness. For me, here is what kindness means, what it doesn’t mean, and what I hope the results will be.

What it means: Creating win-win situations for both my clients and me. Businesses are made up of people. These people aren’t just my customers. They’re my friends, so I should treat them like it. Granted, they may not be my phone-call-at-four-in-the-morning friends, but they are my we-can-go-further-together-than-on-our-own friends. What does this look like in real life?

Asking questions and listening to the answers instead of forming responses in my head through the filter of “How do I make this work for me?”

Finding out what their goals are and how they want to reach them. Is there something I can do to help, even if it’s not a product or service I offer?

Paying attention to issues they have with my product or service. Conflict happens. I can use the opportunity to provide excellent customer service and strengthen the relationship.

Self-effacing. Not only do I have to be okay with not getting credit for my ideas, but also not mind if I’m giving more than I’m getting from the transaction.

Kindness means being available, staying genuinely interested in the health of the client’s business, and proving that I care.

What it doesn’t mean: Being a pushover. Learning how to politely say, “No, my product/service is not free. I won’t give it away just to keep your business and you probably wouldn’t want it, trust it, or find value in it if it was free.” Kindness doesn’t mean nice guys finish last. Helping others whether or not I benefit from the situation doesn’t mean I can’t have personal success. My clients don’t have to suffer in order for me to benefit. In fact, customers are attracted by generosity and tell their colleagues about it. Kindness is contagious. It takes time to pay off, but business is a marathon not a sprint.

Results: When I demonstrate that my client’s success is my success, I get customer retention and referrals. Kindness grows exponentially. It not only leads to more kindness, but also manifests itself in creativity, trust, enthusiasm, patience, and goodwill. As a pleasant side effect, these qualities bleed over into my personal life. Need any more reasons why you should be kind? Be kind because you can.

Please share your stories of how using kindness as a business strategy works for you in the comments section below.

Boss? Friend? Both?

49% of American workers consider their manager a friend. If you job hunt on social media, plenty of your friends know you’re looking, and that’s the point of networking, right? So it’s possible at some point in your career, you’ll work for someone who is your friend. Here are five things you can do to keep both your friend and your job.

Before You Accept the Offer – Go to lunch and have an honest chat. Ask her what she thinks the pros and cons of working together will be. Does she have any hesitations? Is she worried about possible uncomfortable scenarios? Are you? Now is the time to find out. Ask the tough questions: “Will I be the ‘teacher’s pet’?” “Will you be harder on me than on the rest of the team just so it won’t look like I’m the teacher’s pet?” If you take the job, you’ve set a precedent for honest communication.

Grow Thick Skin – Your friend has friends at the office. They may go to lunch or happy hour and not invite you. They have inside jokes. You have to decide whether it’s appropriate to join in or ignore them. If your new coworkers know you and your manager are friends, they may exhibit possessive behavior to see how you’ll react. Practice your poker face and find common ground on which to bond with the whole team.

Intentional Communication – Expectations change and so do boundaries. Meet with your manager at regular intervals (Weekly? Twice a month? Whatever is necessary for clear communication) to clarify hers. For example: When a deadline looms, does she expect the team to work overtime or just the project lead? Or, does everyone take turns covering the switchboard during lunch?

Don’t Take Advantage – If you’ve been friends for years, you know what her hot buttons are. She knows yours too. Just because you know what buttons to push does not mean you should push them. You may get what you want right now, but hurt yourself in the long run. For example: If you feel strongly about a project’s objective, do you know how far to push your opinion without undermining her authority in front of the team? Lay down ground rules for fighting fair before any disagreements pop up.

Beware of Too Much Togetherness – Does she text you at night for status reports? Don’t answer after hours. Does happy hour turn into a briefing on the PowerPoint presentation you’re starting tomorrow? Stop going out for drinks after work. Be selective about how much time you spend together outside of the office and what you do. For example: If you go to a movie together, you select which movie to see or at least where it’s showing. Occasionally take the lead in your friendship, otherwise you’ll fall into the same pattern you have at the office.

Have you ever worked for a friend? What was your experience like? Please share your story in the comments section below.

Auld Lang Syne

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
 and never brought to mind?
 Should old acquaintance be forgot,
 and old lang syne?
CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
By Robert Burns 1788

Is Auld Lang Syne stuck in your head too? It’s okay. It’s just once a year. As Grammy used to say, “This too shall pass.” As 2018 passes into history and we wax nostalgic, here’s my Top Ten List of things I hope you’ll remember:

You have plenty to be thankful for – At the very least, you can read; 2,620,710 Americans can’t.

What makes you different is your super power – The pressure to fit in is strong and wrong. Embrace what makes you unique.

You have more influence than you think you do – Use that super power for good not evil.

Kindness is always the right thing to do – People won’t always appreciate it, but do it anyway.

Learn from the past – Every year is filled with ups and downs like a roller coaster. It’s the downs that tend to come to mind first. Don’t dwell on them.

Look to the future – Use what you didn’t like about 2018 to inspire your 2019 goals.

Make wise choices – You reap what you sow; both good and bad. Choose to sow good things even when it’s hard because good decisions lead to good opportunities.

Ignore the haters – When your critics push you toward depression and negativity (notice I wrote When and not If), turn away.

Focus on the positive – You have to train your mind to see the good in every situation, it won’t drift there automatically. Here’s a start: “Some people grumble the roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.” – Alphonse Karr.

It’s good to have hope – It’s the only thing stronger than fear. Hang onto it. Remind yourself that tomorrow can be better than today and you have the power to make it so.

This is my blog’s one year anniversary. Thank you so much for your kind attention in 2018! I look forward to continuing our conversations in 2019, and I trust you will make it your best year ever!

Are there topics you’d like to discuss in 2019? Tell me about them here:

Present Pressure

One of the biggest elements of the holiday season is gift giving. When it comes to work, under what circumstances should you give presents? As for coworkers, I address that subject in my latest article for Fairygodboss, but what about the other people in your work life?

Holiday gifts are an opportunity to remind clients and contractors of the goals we achieved together over the past year. I try to deepen the relationships, but I keep the gifts shallow; in other words, not overly personal. You won’t receive a tie or perfume from me. You may, however, receive a subtly (think watermark) company branded cell phone wallet or journal. I want my receivers to remember me fondly, not feel like they’re walking advertisements for my employer. If I know my receiver well enough to know their interests (or if they have an assistant I can ask), a personal gift is the way to go. But if I don’t, I go local. For example: I live in Dayton, Ohio and am blessed to have access to Dayton specific gifts appropriate for business giving: Bill’s Donuts, Esther Price candy, anything from Dorothy Lane Market’s bakery, gift certificates to Marion’s Pizza or Carillon Park, etc. Plenty of companies have rules about employees accepting gifts including dollar limits (IE: they can’t accept gifts worth more than $25). If I don’t know what the rules are, I check with their HR department. I had a customer for whom receiving gifts was against company policy. I took him a dozen cookies from a local bakery so he and his staff could eat the evidence. I stay away from humorous gifts unless I know my receiver REALLY well because senses of humor vary greatly. A gift doesn’t have to be a physical object. Here are three things you could give that don’t go under a Christmas tree:

Words: Amplify their blog posts, like their pictures on social media, endorse them on Linkedin, share articles they write, leave positive comments on their websites. Write a nice review on their company Facebook page, be intentional with kind words. When our daughter accepted a position pending graduation, she announced it on social media. She not only expressed her excitement at the job, but also thanked the university that helped her get the job. Her post implies if you attend this university, you could get a job after graduation. Her testimonial is a gift because the university promotes post-graduation employment in their recruiting.

Service: Everyone is going through something – offer to help. Be value added. Serve their needs. I had a customer who didn’t want to participate in my program because it required her to notify hundreds of people. I created a document she could email and distribute. It sealed the deal. I saved it as a template and offered it to all my customers after that. Providing extra customer service distinguishes you from your competitors. If you make your customers’ lives easier, they want to keep you around.

Generosity: Go beyond a thank-you-for-your-business-this-year email. Donate to their favorite cause. It gives you an opportunity for follow up. Or, even better, volunteer at their favorite charity alongside them. It gives you an opportunity to bond. Be generous, but not extravagant; that can get real creepy real fast. Don’t expect a gift in return. If you do receive a gift, be gracious even if you don’t like it and be sure to send a thank you note; preferably hand written and sent snail mail. Gift giving can be tricky, but let common sense, kindness, and authenticity be your guides. Share your business gift giving suggestions here and Happy Holidays!

Dealing With a Difficult Boss

I had a manager who labeled me with an unflattering nickname. I asked him to stop. He didn’t. He referred to me by this name at the end of a staff meeting once. Only one other person thought it was funny. Unfortunately, that person was also my supervisor. The nickname is just one example of how he treated me. He was one of my managers for over a year. I dreaded going to work, but I needed the employment. Are you in the same boat? What do you do when you have a difficult boss, but can’t quit your job? Here’s what I did:

I Documented EVERYTHING – For example: one Saturday, on my only day off, he texted me at 6:00AM for something that was not an emergency. Not only did I ignore him, I screenshot the time stamped message. I wrote down times and dates and witnesses of our strained conversations. I kept copies of documents that proved what I had done and when I had done it. I looked for male allies because traditionally in that industry when a female employee conflicted with a male manager, she was the one let go. I did not text, email, or put anything in writing that could possibly be misinterpreted. Just because I was paranoid didn’t mean he wasn’t out to get me.

I Did Not Involve Others – I didn’t gossip or complain to sympathetic coworkers. I saved my drama for my mama. (Sorry Mom. Thanks!) I observed the chain of command. I went to this manager with pertinent concerns and questions. I chose my battles carefully. I restrained myself from insubordination. It was uncomfortable, but when he went low, I went high.

I Stood My Ground. Politely – I was not confrontational, but I looked him in the eye when he was. For example: When he lectured me for half an hour then asked why a task he gave me was not completed, I suggested we schedule a regular weekly meeting as well as a daily quiet hour so I could efficiently work on his task list. I requested guidelines for my responsibilities and prioritized tasks accordingly.

I Used My Resources – Eventually, I went to the organization’s HR department, asked for their definition of harassment, and found out what my options were. I identified people whom I wanted as references in my job search. I updated my resume. I took my vacation days to interview for a new position.

Long story, short: My manager lost his job and I kept mine. My documentation and witnesses saved me. I found a wonderful company that offered great pay, benefits, and working environment and I worked for them for several years. Are you currently working for a difficult boss? Don’t give up! Tell me about it here:

Trial or Tool?

You walk into the office on Wednesday morning to discover the team member you hired two weeks ago, quit without notice. The disasters this causes start running through your head: loss of revenue, production, etc. Now, instead of attacking your end of month to-do list, you have to do all the company’s termination tasks, get the ball rolling to hire a replacement, and make arrangements to cover all the former employee’s responsibilities. Even if this example doesn’t apply to you, you frequently face crises at work. When one happens, do you see it as a trial or a tool? The way you choose to look at the problem is crucial to your solving it. Here are three ways to turn obstacles into opportunities.

Don’t Panic: Stop. Take a deep breath. Write down everything you’re thinking so you can get the negative thoughts out of your head to make room for thoughts that will help you solve the problem. Circumstances are like clay, not a brick wall. You can mold them. What you currently think of as “rules” to handling your situation, didn’t always exist. Someone had to come up with the idea, do it over and over again, pass it on to someone else on the team, and now it’s just the way things are done. You are perfectly capable of coming up with another way to overcome the obstacle, and when you do, you’ll be the office hero.

Adjust Your Attitude: Don’t whine and wallow. Okay, maybe for five minutes, but then get over the emotion that tells you the situation isn’t fair. You need all your energy to focus on thinking clearly, communicating what needs done, and solving the problem. Problem solving is easier when you’re confident you can do it. When setbacks happen, tell yourself: “Well, here are the things we know don’t work.” Celebrate the baby steps that move you forward. You can build on small wins and snowball them into progress. Ever trained a puppy? When he did something you wanted him to do, like sit, you gave him a treat. When you told him to sit and he wouldn’t, you didn’t give him the treat. Do the same thing with yourself. When you accomplish something that moves you toward resolution, reward yourself. It can be something small, like a walk around the building or something bigger, like lunch out with a friend.

Make This Work for You: What can you learn from this situation? Whom in the office are your allies? Who are your enemies? Who are your frienemies? When the team is under pressure, you can quickly spot who is in your corner and who isn’t. Tuck this knowledge away for future reference. What progress can you document for your next performance review? How can you stand out in a good way? Does your boss have your back? Does your boss have your front? For example, when reporting to the company she says something like, “Yes this puts us behind schedule, but here is what Susan is doing to rectify that…” Take this opportunity to listen to chatty, stressed out team members. Practice your emotional intelligence and hear what they have to say without judgement. Silently wade though their emotions and evaluate whether or not their points are valid. Is there a way to incorporate their ideas into a solution? Encourage your team to not give up. All these things demonstrate your developing leadership skills.

The problem that seemed insurmountable on Wednesday can look a lot more surmountable by Friday, if you perceive roadblocks as fuel for success. You can do this!

Please share your stories of turning obstacles into opportunities here:

How Far I’ll Go

We all need help at work from time to time. Whether the client wants a last minute presentation, a coworker goes on maternity leave, or a problem halts production, there are times when the team has to pull together to accomplish its goals. But how far should you go to pitch in? Before you volunteer to once again help that coworker who always seems to be behind the eight ball, ask yourself these questions:

How far are you willing to go? Find out how big the task is and how long you’re expected to stick with it. Do you have a part in the process or will you be responsible for the entire project? To be motivated, do you need to feel like your coworker is working as hard as she can? How do you know she is? For example, will you be frustrated if you’re cold calling in the snow in February while she’s setting up her home office? Is she asking you to do things she could easily do herself? IE: If she asks you to order file folders and have them sent to that home office, will that tick you off? It’s hard to persist completing her tasks in addition to your normal job if you dislike them. Are you friends with this person? It’s both easier and harder to help out a friend. She’s counting on you to meet her needs and you feel guilty when you have to put your work first. Will you lose this friend if you refuse to help or if you make a mistake?

Is there any way this can backfire? If helping someone else endangers one of your projects you have to say no, even if it causes conflict with your coworker. Is this task temporary or will you end up her permanent unofficial assistant? When you take on a responsibility, there’s always a chance it will become part of your job and you won’t be compensated for it. Are you okay with that? Is this coworker infamous for trying to give her work away? Helping her could give you a reputation as a doormat. Do you already help other people? If so, you may want to limit your assistance to performing the same task for everyone. For example, If you proofread team members’ activity reports, you not only define your boundary, you can also position yourself as a Subject Matter Expert. If you help on this project and it fails, will you be held responsible? If you help on this project and it succeeds, will you get credit?

Can you take advantage? If you’re going to take on extra responsibilities temporarily, make sure they’re a good use of your precious time. If it’s a way to learn new skills, allows you to stretch out of your comfort zone, pay it forward, makes you a value added employee, increases your visibility to the company in a positive way, and/or makes you look good at performance review time, you should consider it. Maybe you currently have too much time on your hands. Is this project a way to keep busy? It’s actually easier to be busy than to try to look busy. Maybe this temporary responsibility is something that comes naturally to you. If it’s easy for you, go for it.

Like the Beatles, we get by with a little help from our friends. But serial assisting does not get you promoted; it gets the person you’re assisting promoted. Find that boundary between helpful and doormat and don’t cross it.

Share your stories of how far you go to help your team here:

The Hard Way

Have you noticed that the skills you learned the hard way are the ones you remember best? Setting boundaries, creating margin, and disregarding toxic people’s opinions, are skills I learned through situations like my parents divorce, being the only female on my commercial production team, and working for a supervisor who only hired me to be his scapegoat. Through these experiences, I learned to adapt and be nimble. I was forced to discover my limits and figure out what to do when I reached them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a Pollyanna. I’m a pirate. I’ve learned, and continue to practice, turning hardships over, around, and upside down looking for opportunity in the adversity in order to survive it. One of the ways I do this is by practicing gratitude. Gratitude is not a luxury for me. It’s a coping mechanism. It doesn’t come naturally. I have to work at it. I hope some of the things I do will work for you too.

Journal: Every morning I write down at least one thing in my gratitude journal that I’m thankful for from the previous day. I try not to be snarky. Statements like, “I’m grateful my gossipy coworker called in sick,” are not allowed. I mentioned my gratitude journal in an earlier post. Read more about it here.

Give: When it comes to money, I’m a saver. I tend to hold on to it too tightly. When I begin to resemble Ebenezer Scrooge, I look for ways to give some of it away anonymously. Gratitude reminds me to be thankful that since I have enough money to meet my needs, I can afford to give some of it away. For example: Paying the bill of the person behind me in the Starbucks drive thru line.

Serve: Serving doesn’t have to mean drudgery. It can be as simple as holding the door open for the person behind me at the Post Office, chatting with a lonely store owner during my canvassing, and letting someone with fewer items than me cut in the grocery store line. Gratitude reminds me that everyone I come in contact with has a problem and I don’t have to be another one.

So how have these three practices helped me in my career? When I’m in a difficult situation, gratitude reminds me that it’s temporary. As my grandmother used to say, “This too shall pass.” Remembering this helps me to relax and that vibe often attracts new connections. Luck is not only preparation meeting opportunity, it’s having an open mind and generous attitude. Networking is much easier if I’m genuinely interested in getting to know a person instead of just finding out what she can do for me. Gratitude helps me see light in dark circumstances. When I can see light at the end of a tunnel, I know what direction to head. I can formulate a plan to get around the obstacles in the tunnel and reach that light. Like when I have a project deadline looming and not enough crew, hours, or inventory to complete it, gratitude helps me focus on the fact that at least I have the project.

When work makes you feel small, stupid, sick, or stuck, practice gratitude. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Pay it forward because what goes around comes around. The love you take is equal to the love you make. These cliches are cliche because they are true. Gratitude is contagious. Go infect as many people as you can this week then tell me about it here:

Good Enough Actually Is

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” Albus Dumbledore – Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Decision making used to be so simple: You’d take out a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle, write “Pros” on one side of the line and “Cons” on the other, and after a bit of research, if the Pros list was longer than the Cons, that is the path you took. Now this process gets bottlenecked during the research phase and the result is Analysis Paralysis (AP).

What is AP? Basically it’s overthinking. It happens:

When you are afraid of making a bad decision
Because you are seeking the perfect solution to a problem
When you spend too much time researching your choice
Or all of the above. Consequently, you end up not making a decision at all.

What causes AP? Mostly, it’s a fear of being wrong.

As Albus mentioned above, your life is a series of choices and if you’re afraid of making a bad one, you can get bogged down pondering how the decision you’re trying to make reflects who you are as a person (your ethics, values, and motives), how it impacts other people, and fear of not making the perfect choice. BTW, it’s an illusion that the perfect choice is out there just waiting for you to discover it.
Information overload. Sometimes, Google is not your friend. There is so much information out there, it changes so often, and it comes at you so fast, that you can spend weeks just gathering it.
Overcomplicating the decision. For example: Deciding whether or not to accept a job offer in a city 320 miles away is complicated. Deciding where to eat lunch is not.
Distractions. If officemates interrupt, the phone rings, and email notifications disrupt your focus, you can’t give the problem adequate attention.

How can you overcome AP?

Seek advice. Is there someone you trust who makes wise choices? Has she made a similar choice in the past? Ask her what she did. Ask the people this decision would effect what they think. This shows you are open to diverse thoughts and allows you to see the problem from another perspective. It could also alleviate your fear of being wrong.
Set a time limit for research. Resist the temptation to dive so deep that you can’t swim back up to the surface. When you have enough information to move forward with a decision, make it. Remind yourself you have resources you can consult if it becomes necessary to pivot.
Filter your decision with the desired end result in mind. What goal are you trying to accomplish? How big is the decision? Is it worth your T.E.A.M.? Will the choice you make now still effect you a year from now? What is the worst that could happen? What ROI can you expect? Does this choice make sense?
Adopt the KISS principle (Keep It Simple, Sister) and don’t unnecessarily complicate your issue. If it’s a big decision, break it down into a series of little decisions, and just take the next step. Then evaluate your results, check your notes, and take another step based on your new data.
Think about the decision when you have the most mental energy and where you have the fewest distractions. If your mind is clearest in the morning, don’t wait until evening to make a difficult decision when you are worn out. If the office is too chaotic, go to a library.

After you make the decision you will inevitably second guess yourself. When that happens, be confident that you made the best decision you could with the information and time you had. An adequate decision is actually, okay. It’s better to decide than to suffer from analysis paralysis.

Do you battle AP? Tell me about it here:

Headaches! You Give me Headaches!

The words “people manager” have never been in any of my job descriptions, yet throughout my career, I’ve had to manage people, and you will too. We’ve already talked about dealing with Gossips, One-uppers, and Parade-rainers at the office. When these coworkers are in your space, you try to ignore them, but what about those high maintenance coworkers you don’t have the luxury of ignoring? I’m referring to coworkers who are integral to your project, or for whose work you are responsible, but have no authority over. Let’s call them: The Lazy, The Complainer, and The Spoiled. Through the years, I’ve identified them by some of the following traits.

The Lazy: She lacks a sense of urgency regarding a rapidly approaching hard deadline. She doesn’t take time to figure out what tasks are necessary to meet contracted goals. She breaks a spreadsheet because she didn’t pay attention during training. She neglects crucial follow up with customers. She says she’s going to close the deal, but lets it slip away. When she epically fails, this coworker falls back on the cliched excuses of not having enough time to do the job, and/or claims communicating with the manager is hard. Eventually, she’ll quit because it’s too much work (pun intended) and you’ll be left scrambling. Your solution: Wade through her extra words and emotions and find the core issue. Then, be careful how much you help her unless you want to do her job in addition to your own.

The Complainer: She complains about company policies: She is a non-exempt employee, but feels she should get paid for working over eight hours today even though tomorrow is a paid holiday. She complains about the client: Her territory is “too big” and she feels like she spends all day running up and down the highway. “Why can’t they schedule my appointments geographically closer together?” She complains about her coworkers: She is free to schedule her vacation any time she wants, but vents how she has sacrificed hers for the good of the project and no one else has. Your solution: Stay calm, it’s not personal. Listen once but don’t validate her opinion. Then, politely remind her she is in control of her own career and should communicate any concerns with her manager.

The Spoiled: She strives to have everything done her way and for her convenience. She says things like, “This is the Standard Operating Procedure on all the other projects I’ve worked on for this company. The project manager doesn’t understand how it should go.” She ignores the Scope Of Work and does the job the way she thinks it should be done. She wants all her questions answered immediately. For example: She wants all the tasks she needs from you done a week before they’re due because she is going on vacation. Your solution: It’s tricky because sometimes her needs are valid and it’s not WHAT she asks for, but HOW she asks for it. Take a minute to stop and think about how what she wants to do effects the project. Then, if it benefits the project, do it. If it doesn’t, don’t.

The common denominator of these three types of coworkers is they all want you to fix things for them. When they want something from you, ask yourself: Will what I do for them benefit the project?

Feel free to share your headaches here: