“You aren’t listening to me are you?” My coworker asked. “No.” I admitted. “I’m really not. Sorry.” But I wasn’t sorry. I was working. And he was telling the same story he told yesterday. TWICE. I’d just come from an extremely long meeting with a high maintenance coworker, the office was full of chatter, and I had four hours worth of work to do in the twenty-five minutes left in the week. My coworker was in the middle of his story before I entered the room and my back was to him so why did he assume I was listening?! He wasn’t being malicious, just annoying and inconvenient, but did I have to sacrifice productivity for the sake of politeness? No, I didn’t. But, I did have to gently point out that I had to concentrate on a project with a hard, rapidly approaching deadline. Office vampires come in many flavors, but they all suck. Here are three examples and suggestions on how to cope:
Gossips: Henry Thomas Buckle said, “Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.” I try really hard not to say anything behind someone’s back that I wouldn’t say to his face. I learned this lesson early in my career. My office was on the corner of a busy intersection of the building and coworkers liked to drop in and chat, usually about other coworkers. With an amazing amount of frequency, I’d be in a gossipy conversation with someone and the subject of the gossip would walk into my office. This happened so often that one of the people who regularly came by to chat noticed. “Every time we talk about someone, he walks in! Maybe we should talk about Elvis to see if he’s still alive.” At that point, I knew I needed to change. So my strategy became asking my coworker for the source of the gossip. When a coworker came to my office and said, “Everybody says the manager is a jerk.” “Really?” I said. “Name three.” He couldn’t. Asking for sources and facts to back up his claim became my favorite way to shut a gossip down because it takes away his fun. If he pressed on, I let him know he’d hit a boundary: “Sounds like office gossip to me. I just don’t have time to deal with stuff like that.” I also realized that if he gossiped to me about other people, he was also gossiping to other people about me. To better protect yourself from these types of coworkers, be careful what and whom you talk about at work. It’s wise to save your personal life for your friends and family.
One-uppers: Much like Kristin Wiig’s Penelope character on SNL, these are conversational narcissists. I once had a coworker who only asked me about my weekend so she could tell me about hers. She’d ramble on and on as if she was delivering a monologue. When it was my turn to speak, she used filler words (ie: “That’s interesting, but when I…”) to rush me through my end of the conversation so she could speak again. When she was in the workroom talking to someone and I entered, she’d call my name to get my attention and expand her audience. These types of coworkers are seeking attention. It’s best practice to act uninterested. Maybe go to the ladies room or make that follow up phone call. Be kind, but don’t be their spotlight.
Parade-rainers: Some coworkers find your success threatening and will try (consciously or unconsciously) to bring you down in order to feel better about themselves. For example: Once while I was celebrating the completion of a difficult and time consuming project, a coworker said to me, “Good luck getting them to pay on time.” I snapped. Although, I like to remember it as being assertive. I said, “Let me have my moment, please. We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it.” Misery loves company. Don’t provide company to these types of coworkers. It’s not really about you. They single you out because you’re convenient. This is a good time to practice your emotional intelligence. You have to get along with them, but you don’t have to care what they think or how they feel.
Office vampires are usually negative people, but they’re still people and as such, deserve respect and consideration. Set boundaries, kill them with kindness, and be assertive. Then, don’t think about them outside the office. They suck up enough of your time already.
Do you have suggestions on how to deal with an Office Vampire? Share them here: