Take the Wheel

Are you a passenger or are you the driver? A passenger goes where the car takes them. A driver takes the wheel. You don’t always get to choose the road. Your company reorganizes. A difficult client changes the scope. Again. Your manager makes a decision you disagree with. The job you once enjoyed starts to feel like a dead end. You may not control any of that. But you do control what you do next.

Who’s Driving?

This week I learned psychologists use the term locus of control to describe how much influence you believe you have over what happens in your life. There are two kinds. 

If you have an external locus of control, then you believe outcomes are mostly determined by forces outside you. For example, you tend to think, “There’s nothing I can do. Leadership decides everything. The client is impossible. The company is a mess. I’m stuck.” (Passenger mindset)

If you have an internal locus of control, then you believe your choices and actions can influence your outcomes. For example, you tend to think, “I may not control this situation, but I do control my response.” (Driver mindset)

Sometimes those external locus of control statements contain plenty of truth. Leadership does make decisions you can’t change. Some clients are difficult. Companies will reorganize without asking your permission. You don’t have to pretend those realities don’t exist. At the same time, you also don’t have to allow them to drive your life. Let’s talk about what the different loci of control can look like.

The Difficult Client

Let’s say you have a client who changes direction constantly. You deliver what they asked for on Monday. On Wednesday, they want something different. By Friday, they’re frustrated because the project isn’t moving fast enough. Passenger thinking sounds like: “This client is impossible. There’s no way to please them.” Driver thinking asks: “What can I steer here?” Maybe you document changes in writing. Maybe you clarify who has final approval. Maybe you establish what happens to the timeline when the scope changes. Maybe you bring your manager into the conversation before the project completely derails. You still can’t control the client. But you can control how you manage the client.

The Reorganization

Teams disappear. Reporting structures change. Priorities get moved around like somebody hit the Shuffle button on the org chart. You probably didn’t make the decision, and you probably can’t undo it. Passengers wait to see what happens. Drivers gather information:  What does your new team own? What does your manager need from you? Which of your skills are suddenly more valuable? What relationships should you strengthen? What do you need to learn? You may discover the reorganization creates an opportunity. You may also discover it’s time to prepare for something outside the company. Either way, you’re making a decision instead of waiting for one to be made for you.

Feeling Stuck

When you feel stuck in your role, it’s really tempting to tell yourself there are no opportunities, your manager doesn’t notice your work., or nobody has offered you anything better. And, maybe all three are true. Now what? A passenger waits for their manager to recognize them, for an opportunity to appear, or for the company to change. A driver starts looking for what’s available. For example, ask your manager what skills you need for the next level. Volunteer for a project that gives you visibility. Update your resume. Reconnect with former colleagues. Take a course. Apply for a different role. Start conversations with people doing work you’d like to do. No dramatic career move, just clarifying the difference between what you can control and what you can do.

Take the Wheel

Being the driver doesn’t guarantee life will go your way. The best you can do is recognize where your influence begins and use it. When you feel yourself slipping into passenger mode, try this:

Separate: Divide the situation into two categories: what you control and what you don’t. Spend your energy on the former.

Question: When you hear yourself thinking, “There’s nothing I can do,” ask yourself, “Is there anything I can do?” Even one useful action changes your mindset.

Respond: Give yourself a little space between what happens and what you do about it. A frustrating email doesn’t require an immediate frustrated response. (Full disclosure: I’m still learning this lesson.)

Ask: Get information instead of making assumptions. Your brain insists on complete stories. If you don’t have enough information, your mind will make stuff up. Ask your manager about priorities. Ask the client to clarify expectations. Ask what options could exist before deciding there aren’t any.

Act: Take one small step. Schedule the conversation. Document the issue. Update the resume. Learn the skill. You don’t need to control the entire road to make the next turn.

Where do you need to move from the passenger seat to the driver’s seat? Please share in the comments.