Relationships – Page 9 – mardihumphreys.com

Who Are You?

During the first team meeting after Jane got promoted from individual contributor to manager, she admitted she was nervous about the new role and asked her team for help. Her honesty and vulnerability were counter productive. Instead of regarding her as authentic, Jane’s direct reports perceived her as weak and unable to do her job. They didn’t trust her decisions, making it impossible to lead them. Her leadership style should have evolved as she gained experience, but instead Jane lost the courage necessary to promote her ideas.

What Bringing Your Whole Self to Work Means

Being both courageous and comfortable enough with coworkers to reveal both personal interests and flaws, thus creating space for them to reciprocate
Normalizing what employees experience outside the workplace affects them in the workplace
Includes both the impression we give of ourselves (consciously or unconsciously) and the impression we have of coworkers
Some elements we consider: authenticity (“This is me, warts and all”), humility (“I don’t know everything”), and vulnerability (“I need your help”)

Bringing your whole self to work is a relatively new concept. It presupposes that employees want to find purpose and higher meaning through their jobs. During the industrial revolution, no one looked for engagement with their work. They worked to buy food, clothing and shelter. They looked for purpose and higher meaning at church, in nature, or through art. Even today, some employees will never see their jobs as a source of fulfillment. If employees spend their energy trying to fit in to the culture, then they don’t have a lot left to be innovative, engaged, and productive.

Why You Don’t

Maybe, like Jane, you brought your whole self to work in the past and got judged or were less than your coworkers expected
The culture of your workplace is not conducive to sharing, keeping conversations at surface level
You fear revealing certain parts of your personality will make you appear unprofessional (e.g., you remain silent in a meeting after your feelings were hurt)
You are ashamed of something in your background
You feel pressured to always be right because your work culture does not support learning from failure

Why You Should

The more willing you are to be authentically vulnerable, the more positive an impact you have on both your work and your team. Bringing your whole self to work:

Breaks down silos
Accelerates trust
Creates a culture where honesty is valued
Removes the stress of hiding flaws
Allows genuine connection (critical to successful networking)
Enhances productivity and performance
Boosts creative problem solving
Helps managers resolve conflict in a constructive way

Someone who recognizes when to risk being vulnerable also recognizes a smart business risk when they see it.

How You Can

Start the authenticity ball rolling by:

Both recognizing and appreciating coworkers. There is a difference. Recognizing is feedback on performance. E.g.,“You gave an excellent presentation today.” Appreciating is expressing gratitude for valuable human qualities (e.g., humility, kindness, humor) regardless of whether the deliverable succeeded or failed. E.g., “It’s obvious you care deeply about serving our customers.” Recognizing and appreciating them helps coworkers feel seen. This leads to deepening trust and improving job performance
Having a growth mindset. Every challenge is an opportunity to learn, and we learn more when we do it together
Leading through both modeling and celebrating behaviors like: speaking up, taking smart risks, and owning mistakes. This enables your workforce to feel psychologically safe which leads to creativity which leads to productivity which leads to revenue

How comfortable are you bringing your whole self to work? Please share in the comments.

Balance vs Integration

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I mentioned last week my mom is retired. If you’re envisioning a little old lady sitting in a rocking chair and knitting, you haven’t met my mom. If she’s sitting in a rocking chair, It’s more likely she’s on her laptop in her home office, videoconferencing with a mentee in Turkey rather than knitting. Instead of trying to balance work and life, Mom has integrated them. She’s incorporated elements she loves (The Bible, studying) into her daily routine (counseling, mentoring).

If you have a job that can’t be done remotely, (e.g. factory, hospital) you have a better shot at work life balance because you leave your work at the place you perform it. But those jobs tend to have hours that don’t coincide with the school day. Balance then becomes: Are you going to your eight-year-old’s piano recital on Saturday or are you working your normal shift as a hair stylist? If you have more of a sales role (talent acquisition, productivity consultant) or knowledge worker (software developer, career coach) you have more freedom to integrate all of your responsibilities. For example, instead of working eight hours straight, work-life integration could look like this: you do deep work at 5:00AM while everyone is asleep. You break at 7:00AM for breakfast with the family. You work while the kids are in school. You answer emails after everyone goes to bed. Integration blurs the lines between home and work. Life becomes more fluid and less categorized. For example, developing a marketing proposal for a client and developing a vacation proposal for the family are both duties you may have, and you get paid to do one of them.

When I think of balance, I visualize the Scales of Justice and constantly trying to keep both sides even. But you don’t have work on one side of the scale and everything else on the other. Life is more like a large Marion’s Super Cheese Pizza whose squares are unevenly cut. Some are huge and some are tiny. Your squares include work, family, friends, health, personal development, spirituality, volunteering, leisure, etc. Some days, those bigger squares are going to be children (e.g., you have to attend parent-teacher conferences). Some days those big squares are going to be work (e.g., attending the all-company videoconference). After you eat a couple of big squares, you fill up on smaller ones: checking email while awaiting your turn at the parent-teacher conferences, light weight lifting while attending the all-company videoconference. (I recommend both video and microphone muted for this one.) Only you can decide which squares and how many to eat everyday. Make decisions based on your values, goals, and priorities. When you feel overwhelmed, write down where your T.E.A.M. is going (i.e., how many squares you’re eating). If you discover you’re spending your T.E.A.M. out of sync with your values, goals, and priorities, consider reassigning the squares. Maybe today the biggest square is the slide deck that’s due at noon and the smaller square is the social media post you told your church you’d do for them this week. You can even share your pizza, giving a square (like the social media post) to someone else.

Switching your mindset to integration can help you achieve the balance you want. How have you changed your routine to bring more harmony to your life? Please share in the comments.

We Can Work it Out

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American employees have worked in office buildings since 1906, even though emerging technology enables us to work from anywhere, any time, and with anyone. Companies buy buildings, so we must use the tools that work in them. Besides, if you can’t see your employees, they aren’t working, right? Let’s face it: If they’re watching Netflix at home, they’re probably watching it at the office too. In 2016, 43% of employees spent at least a few hours working remotely. During COVID, the exponential increase revealed outdated assumptions about it. The top three are: productivity, communication, and culture.

Productivity

This study shows employees are actually 35-40% more productive working remotely than in an office. Managers can boost productivity by:

clearly communicating goals (deadlines, KPIs)
giving individual contributors necessary equipment (laptop, industry specific software)
encouraging calendar sharing and ad-hoc communication (IM, video chats)

Time and activity tracking apps are available to keep an eye on the workforce (e.g., Teramind) or managers can insist on hourly activity reports. But, going overboard backfires. Productivity slows when employees have to interrupt their work to report on it; not to mention the distrust it cultivates. Working remotely not only increases productivity, but also reduces costs from real estate, employee absenteeism, and turnover. Research suggests a hybrid-remote work model could collectively save American employers over $500 billion a year.

Communication

Technology allows teams to communicate who is doing what, how close to the target they are, and what the result should look like. Data privacy is an issue; mostly a people one. For example, do all employees know they shouldn’t use free coffee shop Wi-Fi? Most data privacy issues can be addressed through company-wide training, secure VPNs, and well-communicated best practice policies. Implementing a hybrid-remote work policy helps employees understand business expectations, and advances both transparency and accountability for everyone. What should a best practice policy include?

COVID protocol: What are the rules for masks and social distancing? Must employees be vaccinated to work in the office?
Logistics: Who decides if an employee can work remotely; the employee or the employer? When in the office, does the employee have a dedicated workspace?
Equity: Is the remote employee reimbursed for office supplies, internet, and electricity? Will in-office employees receive better performance reviews due to unconscious bias? Is there a central company information hub that’s accessible to all employees?

Culture

A pleasantly surprising result of pandemic-induced remote work is that it has made some underrepresented groups feel more seen. Helping teams bond takes employers’ creativity, as well as time, and technology can facilitate initiatives.

Use employee recognition software to issue company-wide wellness challenges. By broadly defining wellness, (e.g., drinking water and meditation count as well as physical exercise) employers get more buy-in.
Schedule a recurring weekly thirty-minute coworker coffee, or happy hour (or both) via video chat.
Onboard new employees by pairing them with existing employees via instant messaging for one shift.
Engage employees with brief company-wide surveys (e.g., “What do you need most right now to be successful at your job: training or tools?”)

There’s no going back to the office-centric model. If an employer’s attitude is, “My employees have to work where I want them to, and I want them in the office,” then 54% of workers are willing to leave that employer when they find a position that supports remote work. If management and individual contributors come together to communicate what is working and identify where waste can be eliminated, we can create a sustainable hybrid-remote solution.

Do you want to go back to the office full time? Please share your preference in the comments.

Boundaries Battle Burnout

The World Health Organization recognizes burnout as an official medical diagnosis caused by an unrelenting work load and/or no work-life balance. It’s number two on this list of what employees said were their biggest challenges during the pandemic.

They feel:

pressured to be available 24/7/365
lack of flexibility at work
worried about losing their jobs
overwhelmed dealing with shuttered daycare and online school
not at liberty to talk about outside-of-work issues affecting job performance

To begin battling burnout, define, set, and enforce your personal boundaries with your manager.

Define

Your boundaries are based on your values and priorities. When defining them, think about what you need to feel empowered. The last time you felt undervalued, disrespected, or out of balance, what was the trigger? Did you have to work last weekend? Do you buy the office birthday cards and cupcakes for coworkers and it’s not in your job description? That’s where your boundary lies. If you could live that situation over again, what action would you take to change it?

Set

Does your manager randomly call you throughout the week? Schedule a recurring 1:1 catch up meeting with an agenda.
Feeling overwhelmed? Make a list of your priorities and ask them to do the same. In your next 1:1, compare lists. Are they different? Decide together what your top three responsibilities are and how much freedom you have to accomplish them.
If your manager’s expectations cross a boundary, how important is the boundary to you? Is a compromise possible? Is saying no a battle you want to fight?
Give updates on your projects’ statuses and request they prioritize them. Ask them to tell you more about why they need this new assignment done in this timeframe, and why the task requires your unique skillset.
Personal goals count. If your manager wants you to stay late, but your trainer is meeting you at the gym at 6:00PM, offer to get started early tomorrow morning. Compromise so you aren’t saying no all the time.
Best practice is setting boundaries at the beginning of a project. For example: Make a rule to only answer texts after 7PM if it’s an emergency, and define what constitutes an emergency.
Use technology to help you communicate boundaries: change your status to busy in Microsoft Teams (or whatever business communication platform you use), calendar an hour a day and label it as busy. You don’t have to say what you’re using the time for. Get the kids started on their homework if that’s what it takes to enable you to finish your work.

Burnout doesn’t just affect you, it affects the work too. You need to be flexible and accommodate the occasional emergency requiring overtime. But, regular work hours and exceeding the expectations of the project are good boundaries to help you both do the work everyday and juggle the other aspects of your life. Do not apologize for protecting the time it takes to do the work you are already assigned.

Enforce

Practice for boundary crossers. Rehearsal takes the emotion out of holding your boundary. Visualize your manager asking you to work on a Sunday morning; what do you do? Don’t fume over the infraction. Immediately reinforce your boundary by clearly and respectfully stating what it is and why it exists. Be consistent in holding healthy boundaries. You aren’t communicating clearly if you keep moving them. If you said you won’t respond to emails after 7:00PM, don’t open your inbox.

Your boundaries will get challenged. That will reveal where they are and help you to refine and iterate them. Those who set and hold boundaries gain respect. A friend just gave up a committee chair position because she assessed her commitments and realized she needed to off-load some. Will I miss her leadership? Yes. Do I respect her for making choices that help her achieve her goals? Absolutely.

When was the last time someone crossed one of your boundaries? What did you do to hold it? Please share in the comments.

Nest Eggs

When her grandchildren were little, my mother-in-law hosted annual Easter egg hunts. She loved hiding candy-filled eggs in her yard for them to find. There was one egg bigger than all the others that she filled with cash instead of candy. She called it the money egg. Every child wanted to find it, break it open, wave the cash around, and speculate on how they would spend it. If they’d saved the money in those eggs instead, how much would they have now? You can help your children, grandchildren, godchildren, nieces, nephews, or any youngsters you love, begin good money saving habits this Easter.

Littles

In addition to candy, put a wallet in their Easter basket. A child as young as kindergarten can be taught it’s a safe place to keep the contents of their money egg. This gift implies valuables (money, gift cards, library card, driver’s license, etc.) should be kept organized, somewhere they can find it, and safe. A wallet is something they can keep in their room and periodically check to see how full it is. When a significant amount is accumulated, it’s time to open a bank account.
We’re still in our bubbles for a little while, so, if you’re buying for children who are at least five years old, how about a new board game? Monopoly has several junior versions that help teach concepts like buying, selling, and paying rent. The dollar designations are smaller than the adult game and the properties you can buy (e.g., an arcade) are more age appropriate.
You can use Easter baskets for some not so obvious financial lessons like delayed gratification. For example, if your little ones want to eat their Easter candy before breakfast, offer them a choice. They can either have one little solid chocolate egg before breakfast or half of the big bunny after breakfast. In other words, would they rather have a little now or wait for a bigger reward? When they are older and want to spend their work bonus on the latest iPhone now instead of putting it in their 401(k), this lesson should come in handy.

Bigs

If you’re giving an Easter present to a juvenile with a job, whether formal (e.g. bagger at a grocery) or informal (e.g., mowing lawns), how about opening a Roth IRA for them? There are several companies that don’t charge for opening an account. Which is not the same as no minimum investment, btw, so read brokerages’ terms and conditions before choosing one. If the child is a minor, the account will have to have an adult custodian. If that won’t be you, check with the receiver’s parent first. This gift plants a few seeds for learning about investing. As they get older and the money grows, they can evaluate available saving options for a long-term goal. It also accustoms them to habits like contributing to their future employers’ 401(k) plans. The earnings from a Roth IRA can be used to pay for higher education (at an eligible institution) without penalty for early withdrawal. Every little bit a young person is willing to save now will pay off big time when they graduate high school.

While these probably won’t replace chocolate bunnies, Reese’s eggs, or jelly beans, finding some money-wise goodies in their Easter baskets communicates that you care about their happiness beyond today.

Were money eggs included in Easter egg hunts when you were little? Did you save or spend them? Please share your story in the comments.

The First Step

The glass ceiling is cracking thanks to so many women beating our heads against it. The light filtering through these cracks reveals that the ladder we’re climbing to get there has a broken rung.

What is it?

At the beginning of 2020, for every 100 men who stepped onto the corporate ladder by accepting their first role as a manager, only 85 women were hired and/or promoted from individual contributor to manager. That statistic refers to white women; the statistics for Black women and Latinas are even worse. The first rung on the corporate ladder is broken for women and it has a negative effect on our talent pipeline. While more women are getting hired for senior management, there aren’t enough at junior management levels to promote. This lack of diversity in management denies our organizations an array of ideas, input, and solutions which adversely affects our bottom lines.

Why Does it Happen?

Women are subject to unconscious gender bias. Adapting to work during COVID-19 has awakened us a bit. Who hasn’t been on a Zoom call where someone (male or female) commented on a female coworker’s children playing in the background? When schools went online and daycares shuttered for months, working moms took on the majority of both housework and childcare. The statistics are worse for single moms and moms of color. Because of the pandemic, over two million women are considering an extensive leave of absence or even leaving the workforce. This makes the broken rung even harder to repair.

How Do We Fix It?

Continuous Development – Women need skills including strategic thinking and negotiation to level the playing field. If your company doesn’t have an official leadership development program, find your own. It’s a good investment of your T.E.A.M.

Get a Mentor – If your company does not offer an official mentoring program, seek one outside the company. Research shows mentees were promoted five times more than an employee who didn’t have a mentor.

Network – Collect people: mentors, coaches, sponsors, peers. A support network makes it 2.5 times more likely you’ll be seen as a high performer and ready for advancement.

Visibility – Share what you’re learning in leadership development with your manager during your 1:1s. Forward reference materials to colleagues and copy your manager. Bring up your development plan during reviews. Post about your progress on LinkedIn. Let the world know you’re taking responsibility for your growth and are ready to serve as a leader.

Stand up for Yourself – If you get passed over for promotion, ask why. Your manager should give you clear feedback regarding what you lack. If you feel the suggestions are vague, press for specifics. Is it a skill? Learn it. Is it not enough experience? Ask your manager to give you assignments that will help you gain it. Make these your immediate goals and achieve them before your next promotion attempt. Keep your manager apprised of your progress.

Have you experienced unconscious gender bias? How did you call attention to it? Have you ever been unconsciously gender biased? What are you doing to be more aware? Please share in the comments.

More Precious Than Gold

In a former life, I volunteered as a worship leader in the elementary ministry at a church in south metro Atlanta. (Fun fact: if you can motivate 5th grade boys to participate in worship, you can do anything.) At every service, we quoted our bullet-pointed mission statement. One of those bullets was The Golden Rule (TGR): Treat others the way you want to be treated. Flash forward to the present where a flaw in logic has reached my attention. TGR assumes others want to be treated the way I want to be treated. You know what assuming does (if not, DM me). Turns out, there is a better rule to follow: The Platinum Rule (TPR). It says: Treat others the way they want to be treated. How can following TPR help you interact with your work team?

Everyone has a unique personality, but a few common traits dominate. When you identify those traits, you can predict how to both communicate with colleagues and motivate them to do their best work. How do you find out how people want to be treated? First, you have to know your own behavioral style so you can adjust it to build rapport with those different from yours. Then, you can ask, observe, and experiment.

Ask

If you’re a manager, what are your direct reports’ goals, motivations, values, and learning styles? You can find out by having them take a personality assessment (DISC, CliftonStrengths, Ennegram, Meyers-Briggs, etc., there are a ton). The resulting data helps you better tailor employee incentives. For example, If money motivates Jack, giving him a raise should make him more productive. But, if Jill is motivated by a flexible schedule, giving her a four-day work week instead of a raise would make her more productive.

Observe

Identify a coworker who follows TGR. They are treating you the way they want to be treated. (Mind. Blown.) Look for patterns and habits. What is their vocabulary like? Do they openly share their feelings? Do they dress casually or more suit and tie? How is their workspace designed? Interact with them in various environments: meetings, social situations, continuing education training. For example: In a brainstorming meeting, who likes to throw all kinds of ideas out for group discussion and who likes to sit quietly and process one idea at a time?

Experiment

Make note of how your manager responds to public praise, a thank-you note, or when you make time for a huddle they request. Ask questions like,“Would you rather this conversation be a meeting or an email?” and “When you’re doing deep work will you turn your IM to Do Not Disturb so I know not to bother you, please?” Try different communication mediums and notice which they reply to the quickest: Email? Phone call? Text? IM? Video chat? In conversation, mirror their non-verbal cues. Do they relax? When you make people comfortable, they know, like, and trust you faster.

TPR requires more work than TGR, and brings more reward. TGR is easy because we know what we like, but for building relationships, TPR is better. How do you want to be treated? Please share in the comments.

A Matter of Trust

**Photo by Christina Morillo from Pexels**

This is the last article of the series Know, Like, Trust. If you missed the first two, you can find them here and here. I saved trust for last because it’s pretty hard to achieve without the other two. Let’s say a Potential Client (PC) knows and likes us. Now, how can we earn their trust?

Respect

Becoming known and liked can happen relatively quickly, but trust doesn’t. It takes time to demonstrate integrity, dependability, and consistency. PCs trust our companies after they trust us as people. We need to accurately represent what our companies stand for and broadcast those core values through multiple communication channels. We should be prepared to answer frequently asked questions like:

Can your company really do what you say it can? We’re able to answer this with a testimonial page on our companies’ websites.
Do you really want to help my business succeed? We prove this by sharing our PCs’ “We’re Hiring!” posts on our companies’ social media platforms.
Are we like-minded in our values? We affirm this with a how-we-help statement in every employees’ elevator speech.

We know we’re earning our PCs’ trust when they begin liking, commenting on, and/or sharing our social media content. Sharing is especially exciting. It indicates our PCs are engaging with, endorsing, and embracing our companies’ value-driven content.

Realign

The biggest mistake we make in communication is assuming it has happened. Paraphrasing what our PCs said, reflecting it back, and repeating the process until we verify we heard correctly, demonstrates we not only want to understand the problems, but we are also actively listening. Initially, this exercise is time consuming, but realigning our communication style to our PCs’ streamlines the process for future conversations. Being in accord with our PCs is crucial when it’s time to address sensitive issues. For example, how we will handle our PCs’ customers’ Personally Identifiable Information (PII).

Resource

After all this work, we may discover we aren’t the best solution for a PC. Our role then becomes connecting them to someone who is, because we are in relationship with our PCs for the life of their businesses. We demonstrate both trust and courage when we offer, “What you need isn’t what we’re best at, but I know someone who is.” It’s important to have an established network of colleagues we know, like, and trust to partner with so when this happens, we’re ready to refer them. It not only solves our PCs’ current problem, but also sets us up as the future go-to, trouble-shooting resource. When our PCs’ next crises strikes, we will be the first people they reach out to for help. Referrals build trust between all businesses involved in reaching solutions. People love to connect people they trust to one another. When we pay it forward, our colleagues feel obliged to repay in kind by connecting us with one of their PCs whose problem we can better solve. The loyalty these relationships inspire can help everyone’s companies grow exponentially. When our PCs trust us, they want to keep collaborating with us. Who doesn’t want to work with someone who solves their problems?

What do you do to prove your trustworthiness to PCs? Please share in the comments.

Knowing Me, Knowing You

Even though Presidents’ Day honors all U.S. presidents, we usually focus on celebrating George Washington and Abraham Lincoln; holding them up as examples of honesty and integrity. They aren’t remembered as salesmen, but wouldn’t you have to be an excellent salesperson to lead a country through war? The hallmark of a good salesperson is being known, liked, and trusted. Discussing all three would be lengthy, so let’s take the next three weeks to break them down. First up, how do we want to be known?

What They Know

Before the internet was born, consumers had to rely on a salesperson to learn about a product or service. If they were lucky, they had friends who used it and could ask them about their experiences. Even here in the digital age, recommendations, word of mouth, and reviews are the most trusted facets of marketing. In terms of information availability, we’re on a level playing field with our customers. People can quickly and easily fact check the stories marketers tell them, and they expect sincerity from everyone: big corporations, small businesses, healthcare providers, higher education, etc. Consumers don’t want to waste time listening to our sales pitch when they can go online and find out all they want to know about us with a quick search. Businesses can no longer put up a front. We can’t say we prize a certain value then behave like we don’t. Thanks to social media, there are no secrets. Customers have the power and they know it. Ignoring that fact makes us tone deaf, so our outreach should reflect our respect. People want to purchase from businesses that share their beliefs. We have to state ours in our media messaging, then live up to them every day. For example, if a company says they are earth-friendly, but 25% of their product includes petroleum-based ingredients, they will get backlash. People notice when we don’t mean what we say, and they remember when it comes time to purchase.

What We Want Them to Know

Not practicing what we preach leads not only to customers mistrusting the product, but also mistrusting the company and its employees; especially its sales force. People are smart and self-interest is obvious. They want to know the company they give their hard-earned money to is worthy of their trust, and we want to be that company. We get to know each other through conversation and connection. We need to answer the questions they aren’t necessarily asking, but we can see on their faces: Is this business ethical? Reliable? Transparent? Genuine? Honest? Does their representative seem different in person than her online presence portrays? Why does she work for this company? For example, I see people in pain and I’m driven to relieve it. The company I work for is in the IT space. Everyone has data. Eventually, managing it becomes cumbersome, especially for SMBs. My company gives me the freedom to relieve those burdens. As a result, I don’t see potential conquests. I see colleagues with challenges I can help solve.

What’s in it for me? A rising tide floats all boats. If they succeed, I do too. Am I a nice person? Yes. Do I need to make a living? Yes. Are these two goals mutually exclusive? No.

Does the public have the impression of your business you want them to have? Please share in the comments.

Spread the Love

Sure, Valentine’s Day is a Hallmark holiday, and you can choose to spend it drinking your favorite adult beverage and watching The Notebook. AGAIN. But, consider using the occasion to spread love outside of your circle. We’re programmed to give back to our communities around the holiday season, but people are in need all year round (especially 11 months into the pandemic). We can still spoil those closest to us, but what can we do to spread some love to the rest of the world?

Friends

If you’re purchasing a gift online, consider using Amazon Smile. They donate 0.5% of eligible sales to the charitable organization you choose without adding that charge to your bill. Does your town have locally owned small businesses like: a coffee roaster, chocolatier, florist, locally-themed speciality gift shop, bakery, and/or book store? You can fill gift baskets with goodies purchased from some of these shops and drop them off on your friends’ porches. If you’re pressed for time, you could send them valentine cards with gift cards from locally owned restaurants enclosed, or memberships to a local art museum, science museum, zoo, or historical park. If you have the option to do this online and save a tree in the process, bonus love!

Neighbors

Since giving your time is still complicated right now due to COVID-19 restrictions, it’s difficult to spread the love in your own hometown by serving meals to guests at a homeless shelter, helping students with homework at a public library, or playing checkers with residents at a nursing home. Instead, you can give money to a local charity that feeds people, one that provides online homework help, or one that cares for senior adults. You could order a few dozen donuts from a local donut shop and use a food delivery service to take them to your local fire station. You could donate money to a local natural disaster relief fund. You don’t have to spend money to give back. You can smile and say thank you to the mail carrier, the driver who delivers your food order, the grocery employee who puts your pick up order in your trunk, the barista who hands you your latte at the drive-thru. Unless your mask is transparent, they won’t see your mouth smile, but they will see it in your eyes.

Strangers

Remember exchanging valentines in elementary school? You brought in tiny cards, candy, pencils, etc. to give everyone in your class. Kids in the hospital can’t exchange valentines. Check with your local Children’s Hospital. Candy, pencils, and trinkets are probably prohibited, but would they accept unopened boxes of Valentine’s Day exchange cards? They may have volunteers willing to observe COVID-19 protocol and distribute them. Looking for other ways to give to strangers? Send a care package to a military service member. Donate blood. Register to become an organ donor. Drop off unopened bags of pet food at your local animal shelter. Create a fundraiser on Facebook.

How do you plan to be generous this Valentine’s Day? Please share in the comments.