Health – mardihumphreys.com

High Pay Can Cost You

Welcome to the final article in our Toxic Traits series. In part one,
we asked what’s up with the toxicity-in-the-workplace trend. Part two
suggested what managers can do to mitigate its effects. Part three
explored how individual contributors can make workplaces less toxic. Now let’s talk about your wallet.

The allure of a high-paying job can be irresistible. You can have financial security. You can afford luxuries. You can climb up a rung or three on the social-status ladder. But those perks come with a hidden cost when the workplace environment is toxic.

The Pros

Stability: You can pay off debt, build savings, invest in property, and afford quality healthcare and education for both you and your family.

Comfort: You can upgrade your housing, travel more often, and participate in expensive hobbies.

Opportunities: Working in a high-stakes, high-paying environment offers valuable experience and visibility to leadership. These roles can be stepping stones to even more lucrative and prestigious positions within the organization.

The Cons

Stress: The constant negativity of a hostile work environment eventually destroys your productivity. Chronic stress leads to burnout, depression, and anxiety disorders. Stress also manifests physically through headaches, high blood pressure, diabetes, and/or a weakened immune system.

Balance: Toxic workplaces often demand excessive hours and emotional investment that erode the boundaries between your work and personal life. This imbalance strains relationships and reduces time available for self-care and fun.

Ethics: Working in a toxic environment may require you to compromise your principles. This creates internal conflict over moral dilemmas and reduces your self-esteem and professional integrity.

Only you can decide whether the financial benefits of a high-paying job in a toxic workplace are worth the negative impact. Some questions to ask yourself: How far will your resilience stretch? How long will these circumstances last? How patient will your support systems be?

Your Choice

The financial security and career advancement may outweigh the negative aspects, especially if you have effective coping mechanisms and strong external support. But do not underestimate the toll a toxic work environment takes on your mental and physical health, relationships, and overall happiness. The tipping point where toxicity outweighs financial compensation differs for everyone. Here are a few clues the job is no longer worth it.

Health: When your physical or mental health problems become obvious and unmanageable. When you always feel physically exhausted, mentally detached, and/or emotionally numb.

Relationships: When your personal relationships suffer significantly due to your work-related stress and unavailability.

Happiness: When the job requires compromising your values to the point where it affects your self-respect, you lose your sense of purpose, or the grind is relentless.

When You Can’t Leave Yet

If you depend on this job to pay your bills and can’t quit yet, recognize the signs of intolerable toxicity, evaluate your circumstances, and be proactive in mitigating its negative impacts.

Boundaries: Define, communicate, and maintain boundaries between your work life and your personal life to protect your time and relationships.

Cope: Lean on friends, family, and/or professional counselors to help you maintain both your mental and physical health. Relieve your stress through exercise, meditation, hobbies, or whatever self-care looks like for you.

Strategize: Invest in certifications that will open doors to better opportunities elsewhere. Attend networking events and connect with people who work in organizations you’d like to work for. Hire a career coach to help you prepare for your future. It’s good to have hope.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace because the job paid well? Was the compensation worth it? Please share in the comments.

All Your Call

What does self-care mean to you? Is it a spa day? Is it organizing your desk? Is it playing Baldur’s Gate 3? Self-care is intentionally preserving and enhancing your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health and well-being. For you, a spa day may be the perfect self-care ritual. For your work bestie, taking time to declutter their workspace is self-care. For another coworker, choosing their own adventure in a role-playing video game is self-care. What works for you may not resonate with your teammates. Tune into your unique needs and make choices that align with your well-being.

Taking time for self-care can make you feel guilty, but prioritizing your health is not a luxury. It is the foundation of healthy work-life integration. Discovering your unique self-care routine is a process of trial and error. Explore different activities and be open to reassess what truly brings you both joy and balance. Here are some suggestions.

Meditate: Use a guided meditation app, deep-breathing exercise, or find a quiet space and write a 250 word reflection. Taking a few moments each day to practice mindful meditation can help calm your mind, reduce stress, and improve overall mental well-being.

Exercise: Whether it’s going for a walk, attending a fitness class, or practicing yoga, exercise not only promotes physical health and good sleep but also releases endorphins. These are “feel-good” hormones that positively impact your mood. Regular physical activity uses your body to take care of your mind.

Sleep: Speaking of sleep, sufficient and quality sleep is a highly underrated form of self-care. Try to go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every day. Create a comfortable environment by adjusting the room temperature, noise level, amount of light, and all the variables that help you get an adequate amount of rest each night.

Detox: Take a break from the constant influx of information from your digital devices. Put your screens away an hour before bedtime and read a book. Avoid social media for a weekend. A digital detox increases your mental clarity and reduces your stress.

Create: Paint, build a model pirate ship, or play a musical instrument. Whatever your outlet for self-expression and emotional release is, make time for it. Such activities are therapeutic. They allow you to process your emotions and tap into a part of yourself that your work-life responsibilities may not use.

Nourish: Fill your body with high quality fuel. Replace that doughnut with blueberries and low-fat yogurt. Go meatless for one meal a week. Instead of snacking on potato chips, try almonds. Take time to read nutrition labels. When you consume food and drinks that are low in simple carbohydrates and sugar you are literally taking care of yourself.

Connect: Maintain key relationships. You can hang out in-person, videoconference, text, or call. Whatever medium allows you to spend time with the people you love helps you maintain a sense of belonging, support, and emotional fulfillment.

The next time you wonder, “Is this self-care?” remember that you get to make that decision guided by your unique needs, desires, and understanding of what makes you feel well. You may find extra time on your hands this week between Christmas and New Year’s Day. If so, please use it to do something that makes you feel good. Even if that something is nothing at all.

What will you do to take time for yourself this holiday season? Please share in the comments.

Build a Bridge

The struggle is still real out here in the workforce. For example, the on-going post-pandemic pushback from workers being pressured to return to the office as well as employers being pressured by city governments worried about losing tax incentives. When there is a gap in employment expectations between managers and workforce, is it possible to communicate messages back and forth across that gap both clearly and kindly?

If you are an employer, you have many questions to consider. What message are you sending to your team? To your recruits? Is your message intentional? Are you in control of the narrative? Do you know what your reputation is in the community? Is it the reputation you want to have?

Both employers and employees require communication, empathy, and flexibility to effectively negotiate. Next week we’ll discuss the employee’s role. This week, let’s look at how employers can begin building a bridge across the working remotely gap.

Communication

Initiate a respectful and open conversation with your employee to understand their perspective and concerns. Create an environment where your direct report can freely express themselves without fear of reprisal. Actively listen to their reasons for wanting to work remotely. Do they have family responsibilities, health concerns, or transportation issues that working remotely would alleviate? Clearly articulate why you need them in the office. Are they a member of a spontaneously collaborative team? Is in-person communication the key to maintaining a cohesive company culture? If you reach a resolution, then document the agreed-upon terms and conditions and give the employee a copy to ensure you are both clear on the arrangement.

Empathy

Address any specific concerns the employee has regarding the office environment. For example, are pandemic-induced safety measures in place? Have they experienced microaggressions in the office? Are the resources they need to do their job available exclusively on site? Involve the employee in the decision-making process to give them a sense of ownership and an opportunity to demonstrate cooperation. Are there advantages to returning to the office for them? For example, do you offer a mentoring program and is it more meaningful in person? If they are on site, will they be more visible to the C-Suite? If you can’t reach an agreement, would they be comfortable with you bringing in someone from HR to help facilitate the discussion and find a compromise?

Flexibility

Consider an arrangement that allows a mix of working remotely and in-office work. For example, could the employee work flexible hours? What about days of the week? Would you be willing to designate specific days for in-person collaboration and meetings? Would you authorize a trial period during which you closely monitor the employee’s productivity, customer service, and well-being? This experiment can help both you and them evaluate the impact of the change and make an informed decision together. You can schedule regular check-ins to review how the new arrangement is working for you, your employee, and your company. Be open to making adjustments based on feedback and fluctuating circumstances.

How is working remotely affecting your organization? Please share in the comments.

Ritual Respite

It’s back-to-school season! One of my friends adjusted her entire family’s bedtimes by fifteen-minute increments to prepare everyone for getting the kids to school on time. She understands the vital role rest plays in productivity. It seems counterintuitive in a society that values busyness. Let’s talk about how rest helps you do more.

Recovery: Rest allows your mind and body to recover from fatigue. Prolonged work without breaks leads to mental exhaustion, reduced concentration, and diminished problem-solving abilities. Rest replenishes your energy levels to improve your mental clarity, focus, and creativity. It also promotes physical recovery, reducing the risk of injuries. Extended rest periods, such as sleep, enable your brain to consolidate and integrate information. This improves your memory retention and decision making. Grabbing a fifteen-minute nap during your daily 3:00pm slump will recharge you more effectively than grabbing coffee, cola, or chocolate. Getting adequate rest regulates your mood, promotes emotional stability, and supports the higher-level cognitive processes you need to be productive.

Performance: Working for extended periods without rest produces diminishing returns. Taking regular short breaks during work helps combat your decline in attention and focus. You can’t work on a project for hours, then collapse at the end of the day to make up for the skipped rest periods. You can’t work at full capacity for weeks on end, then make up the missed rest with a week’s vacation. (Don’t get me started on all the paid vacation time workers have at their disposal and do not take.) Regular rest periods during your work day help you recharge, reboot, and retain high-level performance.

Innovation: Rest encourages your mind to wander, fostering creative problem solving and innovative thinking. Moments of relaxation can generate unexpected insights, connections, and out-of-the-box solutions. When you don’t make time to stop and think, you make mistakes you could have avoided. Stepping away from work and engaging in different activities stimulates new perspectives and brainstorms, ultimately boosting productivity. For example, how many times have new ideas come to you while taking a walk?

Well-being: Rest prevents the chronic stress continuous work causes. Not taking breaks negatively impacts not only your productivity but also your overall health. Rest and relaxation techniques, such as meditation, box breathing, or engaging in hobbies, help reduce stress levels. By managing stress, you can maintain a positive mindset, improve overall well-being, and approach tasks with enthusiasm.

Sustainability: Rest is essential for maintaining capacity and delaying burnout. Pushing yourself to the limit without taking breaks not only exhausts you physically, it also reduces your motivation and decreases your overall productivity in the long run. Incorporating rest into your daily routine optimizes your productivity, helps you achieve your goals faster, and ensures sustainable and consistent work-life integration.

What triggers have you set to remind yourself to take breaks? Please share in the comments.

Happy Endings

With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day coming up, you may be celebrating your parents over the next few weeks. Maybe you will get together and relive memories of their past as you grew up. Are you also thinking about their future and how it may impact yours?

Once your parents retire Social Security and Medicare will help with living expenses, but it’s likely they will outlive those funds. You need to know if they have savings and safeguards in place to protect the money they worked so hard for. Here are some things to consider.

Fraud

Since older adults have had more time on the planet to save up their money, they are logical targets for fraud and not just by strangers. When talking to your parents listen for stories of any new friends coming into their lives and how they spend time together. For example, when they go out to lunch, does your parent always pay the check? Here are some other things to watch for. Also talk about the latest cybersecurity scams. Criminals are employing the latest capabilities of AI to do scary things like enhance family emergency schemes.

Finances

Always a touchy subject, but the economy is perpetually uncertain. Everyone wants to ensure they have all the resources they need to live the rest of their lives the way they want to. Here are a few questions to ask.

Do they have savings (e.g., IRAs, pensions, etc.) in place?
Do they have outstanding debts?
Do they have the necessary documents (like these ) filed?
Not to be morbid, but have they thought about funeral arrangements? Do they want their remains to be buried or cremated? Are they organ donors? If they haven’t thought about it yet, encourage them to document their preferences so you can carry out their wishes after they are gone.

Fulfillment

Mostly, you want to know that if you die before they do they have a plan for living out the rest of their lives in safety and comfort. Here are some questions to ponder together.

Is the interior of the house okay? Accessories like grab bars in the shower, a chairlift for the stairs, and adequate lighting throughout the house will help prevent falls.
Do they have any chronic conditions? Are the names and contact information for their healthcare providers written down somewhere that you can access if necessary?
Do they have a community? Social engagement is important for mental and emotional health no matter how old you are. Do they volunteer with their church? Does their city have a senior center?
Do they feel safe driving? Are they open to public transportation, ride-sharing, or a nonprofit’s transportation program?
When they eventually need help aging in place, should you live together? If so, who is financially responsible for what expenses? How much physical help will they need before it’s beyond your capabilities? Should you get advice from an eldercare attorney to prepare yourselves for what the future may bring?
If they ultimately need an assisted living community, how do you find a trustworthy one? Here’s some information on where to begin.

The future and money are both emotional conversation topics. If you approach them with empathy, respect, and active listening, they will be more productive. Be aware this is not a one and done. You will revisit these issues as long as you are blessed to still be on the same planet as your parents.

What resources do you recommend for aging in place? Please share in the comments.

Battery Low

I have a wireless headset that audibly notifies me of certain conditions. When it connects she says, “Your headset is connected.” When it’s about to turn itself off because it needs charged she sternly announces, “Battery low.” I wish my brain would issue the same warning when I spend too long on a project without a break.

One of the factors in the Great Resignation is employee burnout. Are you fanning those flames? While growing up, maybe your parents and teachers trained you to finish your chores and homework before you were allowed to play. Now you’re internally compelled to finish a project before you can rest. The problem with that mindset is there’s always another project waiting.

I heard a word recently that’s stuck in my head: fallow. It’s an agricultural term referring to a field that annually grows crops and is intentionally set aside for at least one growing cycle. Going fallow allows the soil to recover. It gets rid of germs, stores nutrients, and retains water. I keep coming back to this concept in relation to my brain. When I think about letting my mind go fallow, I think of taking a vacation, a weekend off, or at least a lunch period. To me, getting rid of germs, storing nutrients, and retaining water sounds like washing my hands then eating a salad and chasing it with a bottle of water. But I’m beginning to think we all should let our minds go fallow multiple times during the workday. Research shows that breaks make us more effective, but are we taking them? If so, then are we doing them right?

What a break is not:

Switching from one task to another
Reading and replying to email
Returning calls
Running office errands
Cleaning

What a break is:

Standing up and stretching
Walking away from your workspace and equipment; around the block, if possible. Do something to temporarily get your blood flowing a little faster
Read a chapter in a novel
Text a friend
Play Wordle

Benefits

Some benefits of taking breaks are intuitive. For example, they recharge your energy, refocus your attention, and battle job burnout. There are also some not-so-intuitive benefits like increased productivity, physical and mental restoration, and increased employee engagement.

Methods

It’s counterproductive to only take a break when you’ve reached exhaustion. If brief rest periods make you feel guilty, then think of them as productivity breaks. Train yourself to perceive a pause as an efficient element of your energy management routine. Here are a few verified methods to help you develop a good habit.

Pomodoro Technique – 25 minutes of work, then a five-minute break, with a 15-minute break at least once every two hours.

Microbreaks – Five-minute breaks randomly taken at your discretion.

The Draugiem Group Way – in 2014 this company ran an experiment with their employees regarding the optimum time for breaks. Their findings indicate that working for 52 minutes then taking a 17-minute break is what the most productive members of their staff did.

How do you incorporate breaks into your workday? Please share your strategy in the comments.

You First

Photo by Christian Domingues from Pexels

The constant running around during the holidays keeps you so filled with adrenaline that it’s easy to ignore how exhausted you are. Now that the holidays are officially over, you may feel under the weather. The very events that are supposed to be joyful often cause the most stress because of our (sometimes unrealistic) expectations. Add to that the uncertainty of the various variants of COVID plus the impending menace of cold and flu season and you have the ingredients for a tasty overthink stew. If your mind, body, and/or spirit are telling you to stop, then pay attention. Give yourself the gift of self-care.

Physical

Does stress have your neck tied up in knots? Get a massage. Do you feel jittery? Cut back on the caffeine. Do you feel sluggish? Cut back on the alcohol. Get up from your desk or couch and exercise. It doesn’t have to be strenuous. If it’s unseasonably warm, go for a walk. If it’s too cold outside to do that, then stretch or do some balance work. Be kind to your body by covering the basics: get eight hours of sleep, eat healthy foods, and drink plenty of water.

Mental

Not everyone’s holidays were happy. If you’re feeling more morose than merry, then try identifying your triggers. For example, does the thought of returning gifts in person at a big box store freak you out because of the close proximity of all the people and the possibilities of the presence of COVID? Then think about alternatives: go at a time when the store is least busy (Googling the store name will give you this data), wear a mask, and practice social distancing. Or, Is your mind overwhelmed by all the work others want your help with because they put projects on hold until after the holidays? Take a minute and ask yourself which of these projects require your unique expertise. Is there someone else you can delegate a project to? (Bonus points if that person is someone you sponsor.)

Spiritual

Routines can be calming. Beginning and ending your day the same way every day signals to your mind that everything is as it should be. Maybe you begin your day with prayer/meditation over coffee. Maybe you end it with box breathing as you lay in bed waiting for sleep. Practicing gratitude can be spiritual too. If you kept a gratitude journal for 2021, now is a good time to go back to the beginning and read it. If you didn’t, then to fill its pages for 2022, consider making it a priority to do one nice thing for one person everyday. It can be as simple as holding the door for someone behind you as you both enter the same building.

Resolve to pay attention to your mind, body, and spirit through regular self-care this year and do not feel guilty about it. If you want to pull out crayons and a Scooby Doo coloring book and spend an hour, then do it!

How do you practice self-care? Please share your tips in the comments.

Sleep On It

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” is the hustler’s motto. There are at least a couple of movies and a couple of songs with that statement as the title. It implies that strong people don’t need sleep. In reality, getting adequate sleep not only makes us stronger, but also smarter, and not getting enough sleep can eventually kill you.

How Much is Enough?

A recent study by the CDC found that 41 million Americans in the workforce are sleep deprived. How many hours an adult needs varies by person; it can be anywhere between six and ten. When you don’t get enough, you accumulate a sleep debt that sooner or later your body will force you to pay. If you feel moody, are making more mistakes than usual, or falling asleep in meetings, then you aren’t getting enough. That lack of sleep can lead to poor decision-making, depression, and/or burnout. If you deny your brain the time it needs to recharge, then it will punish you with poor functioning, like trouble focusing on tasks, misunderstanding communication with your team, and difficulty controlling stress. These indicators can manifest in as few as three consecutive nights of sleeping six hours or less.

Why is it Important?

You need to be physically healthy to do your best work, and getting enough sleep is key to your physical health. Your body repairs its tissues, manufactures hormones to fight infections and viruses, and lowers your blood pressure while you sleep. Also during sleep, your brain constructs and reinforces neural pathways that help you remember things you’ve learned, which strengthens your ability to solve complex challenges at work.

Best Practices

Get on a schedule. Go to bed and wake up at the same times every day. Then, before bedtime:

Three hours: Finish eating, and drinking caffeine and/or alcohol
90 minutes: Finish vigorous exercise
60 minutes: Turn off the TV, cell phone, and laptop. Read a real book, listen to soothing music, or meditate instead
At bedtime: Eliminate light and noise and adjust the room temperature; cooler is more conducive to sleeping

Damage Control

After a sleepless night:

Try to begin your day with exercise, outside if possible. You could go for a run or ride your bike, but a brisk walk through nature while breathing in fresh morning air and listening to your favorite songs followed by gentle stretching will also put you in a good mindset to face the day.
Your body may try to rest at an inopportune time later in the day. If that happens, it’s more productive to take a 15-30 minute break to let your brain rest than to keep plowing through your to-do list.
Caffeine may get you through the morning, but the crash could have you zoning out during your afternoon Zooms. If you can’t grab a 15 minute nap, then take 10 minutes to either meditate or eat a healthy snack and chase it with a glass of water while watching an uplifting video; maybe this one. If you don’t have 10 minutes, then take one or two minutes to either stretch or take a few deep breaths.

Many of us have trouble sleeping since the advent of COVID-19. What are some things you do to get a good night’s sleep? Please share in the comments.

Teleconferencing Takes a Toll

“Think outside the box,” they say. But teleconferencing (I use Zoom) is a box we have to think inside of. It saves time and money, but what about energy and attention? We yearn for the in-person interactions we used to have, but recreating them virtually is setting our Zooms up for doom. We should approach our various interactions like they’re sports. Each sport has its own set of rules. We don’t play volleyball using the rules for basketball. Neither should we Zoom using in-person protocols. If our mindset is how we can best communicate within the constraints of teleconferencing, then we won’t be so forgetful, distant, quick-tempered, sleepy, and in need of a massage at the end of a day of Zooming.

When communicating, we assign 60-70% of all meaning to non-verbal behaviors like appearance, posture, and facial expressions. The cognitive load this takes to process over Zoom is both invisible and takes more energy than we realize. We stare at other people in proximity reserved for intimate conversations. If I’m at a conference room table with seven other people, I’m not inches away from their faces and staring at them for an hour. But on Zoom, I am. The intensity is exhausting.

We think harder about both giving and receiving non-verbals. In a 1.50 hour meeting last week with seven other people, I felt compelled to nod in agreement until I looked at all seven onscreen. In person, I typically nod three times no matter how many people are in the meeting. I studied the participants’ facial expressions during the silences following thorny questions. I reminded myself to look at the camera while speaking so it appeared I’m making eye contact. It’s work to connect emotionally when delivering our message to a lit dot at the top of our computer screens.

We mentally deal with distractions. While Zooming, calendar reminders, IMs, and email notifications go off. Even if we mute the sound notifications, a visual reminder pops up. (That’s my own fault, but not only is turning them off and on all day a pain; remembering to turn them off and on is too.) The landscapers mow the lawn outside our windows. The kids yell for us. The cat walks across the keyboard. Pretending these distractions aren’t happening isn’t something we have to deal with in person. When I’m at an in-person coffee meeting, I may have to ignore the other customers around us to concentrate on what my potential client is saying, but I’m not distracted by my sleeping dog snoring at my feet.

We look at ourselves for hours. There’s a hide self view on Zoom, but I want to see how others see me. When I’m concentrating hard on a speaker, my face looks like I disapprove. I need to see that non-verbal in order to adjust it. After a couple hours of Zooming, I notice how tired I look. This triggers a domino effect. It lowers my self-esteem, which lowers my confidence, which lowers my desire to participate in the meeting.

No commute allows us to stack multiple Zooms back to back. But just because we can doesn’t mean we should. Lately, when I offer to meet on Zoom, in-person, or with a phone call, my counterpart is politely open to all. When I say I’m tired of Zooming, they’re relieved (three people just last week). Pre-COVID, there were plenty of meetings that should have been emails. Now, there are plenty of Zooms that should be emails, phone calls, or IMs.

Are you aware of the toll teleconferencing is taking on your energy and attention? Please share in the comments.

Boundaries Battle Burnout

The World Health Organization recognizes burnout as an official medical diagnosis caused by an unrelenting work load and/or no work-life balance. It’s number two on this list of what employees said were their biggest challenges during the pandemic.

They feel:

pressured to be available 24/7/365
lack of flexibility at work
worried about losing their jobs
overwhelmed dealing with shuttered daycare and online school
not at liberty to talk about outside-of-work issues affecting job performance

To begin battling burnout, define, set, and enforce your personal boundaries with your manager.

Define

Your boundaries are based on your values and priorities. When defining them, think about what you need to feel empowered. The last time you felt undervalued, disrespected, or out of balance, what was the trigger? Did you have to work last weekend? Do you buy the office birthday cards and cupcakes for coworkers and it’s not in your job description? That’s where your boundary lies. If you could live that situation over again, what action would you take to change it?

Set

Does your manager randomly call you throughout the week? Schedule a recurring 1:1 catch up meeting with an agenda.
Feeling overwhelmed? Make a list of your priorities and ask them to do the same. In your next 1:1, compare lists. Are they different? Decide together what your top three responsibilities are and how much freedom you have to accomplish them.
If your manager’s expectations cross a boundary, how important is the boundary to you? Is a compromise possible? Is saying no a battle you want to fight?
Give updates on your projects’ statuses and request they prioritize them. Ask them to tell you more about why they need this new assignment done in this timeframe, and why the task requires your unique skillset.
Personal goals count. If your manager wants you to stay late, but your trainer is meeting you at the gym at 6:00PM, offer to get started early tomorrow morning. Compromise so you aren’t saying no all the time.
Best practice is setting boundaries at the beginning of a project. For example: Make a rule to only answer texts after 7PM if it’s an emergency, and define what constitutes an emergency.
Use technology to help you communicate boundaries: change your status to busy in Microsoft Teams (or whatever business communication platform you use), calendar an hour a day and label it as busy. You don’t have to say what you’re using the time for. Get the kids started on their homework if that’s what it takes to enable you to finish your work.

Burnout doesn’t just affect you, it affects the work too. You need to be flexible and accommodate the occasional emergency requiring overtime. But, regular work hours and exceeding the expectations of the project are good boundaries to help you both do the work everyday and juggle the other aspects of your life. Do not apologize for protecting the time it takes to do the work you are already assigned.

Enforce

Practice for boundary crossers. Rehearsal takes the emotion out of holding your boundary. Visualize your manager asking you to work on a Sunday morning; what do you do? Don’t fume over the infraction. Immediately reinforce your boundary by clearly and respectfully stating what it is and why it exists. Be consistent in holding healthy boundaries. You aren’t communicating clearly if you keep moving them. If you said you won’t respond to emails after 7:00PM, don’t open your inbox.

Your boundaries will get challenged. That will reveal where they are and help you to refine and iterate them. Those who set and hold boundaries gain respect. A friend just gave up a committee chair position because she assessed her commitments and realized she needed to off-load some. Will I miss her leadership? Yes. Do I respect her for making choices that help her achieve her goals? Absolutely.

When was the last time someone crossed one of your boundaries? What did you do to hold it? Please share in the comments.