Emotional Intelligence – Page 8

An Inside Job

“I know who I am; I know what I can and can’t do. I know what I will and won’t do. I know what I am capable of and I don’t agree to do things that I don’t think I can pull off.”
Dolly Parton

It is very self-aware of Dolly to realize she has many strengths and some weaknesses. She identifies each then chooses to leverage her strengths to her advantage. This ability has served her well both as an entertainer and in business. You can do the same thing. When you understand your values, motivations, and priorities you can intentionally make choices that align with your long-term aspirations. For example, let’s say you are not a fan of cold-calling, but you know making five extra calls a day will help you reach your monthly goal faster. You are a fan of your organization’s product/service and are good at talking about it when you train new coworkers. You write down what you said to your last trainee and use it as an alternate script for the extra five daily cold calls. How else can developing self-awareness help you succeed in your career?

Continuous Improvement

Use self-awareness to help you identify areas for improvement. Feedback from people you trust is a good way to pinpoint what new skills you want to acquire. For example, in your latest 1:1, your manager wants to know why the last three reports you turned in were not formatted correctly. You admit you are struggling with the new suite of office applications. This should spur your manager to support you with training to increase your capabilities. Your willingness to develop a skill that benefits your employer signals to your manager that you are aware your success follows the success of the organization.

Building Relationships

Authentic relationships based on trust, empathy, and mutual understanding help you navigate different work dynamics and collaborate effectively with diverse teams. Self-awareness helps you recognize and manage your emotions. This is key to minimizing conflict and paves the way to more constructive interactions. It helps you recognize biases or blind spots that may influence your decision-making process, allowing you to approach decisions more objectively. For example, by understanding your communication style, strengths, and weaknesses, you can adapt your approach to better connect with coworkers and clients. Self-awareness also allows you to learn from your experiences, including failures, and make adjustments.

Self Care

Self-awareness promotes a deeper understanding of your personal principles, passions, and purpose. Aligning your career choices with your values helps you find fulfillment and satisfaction in your work. Defining your needs and boundaries enables you to establish healthier work-life integration. Self-awareness helps you understand your triggers and how you respond to pressure. When you notice your emotional patterns, you can formulate strategies to effectively manage the stress they cause, maintain focus, and make wise choices during challenging situations.

Cultivating self-awareness is an iterative process. It requires introspection, reflection, and feedback. Paying attention to self-awareness helps you unlock your potential, make informed choices, and thrive.

How has self-awareness benefitted your career? Please share in the comments.

Failure is Fuel

Have you heard phrases like fail forward, fail fast, or fail often? They are meant to redefine what we label as failure. You know setbacks are inevitable, so why do you feel like a failure when you don’t get the results you expected? This mindset makes you afraid to take risks or try anything new. Did you know the Wright brothers crashed eight planes before achieving flight? It isn’t really failure you fear; it’s the judgement of your manager and coworkers. How do you get over that?

Reframe

Instead of viewing failure as a negative outcome, regard it as valuable feedback. Think of every task as an experiment. Analyze your failed results as objectively as possible by asking: Where did the process go off track? What change needs to be made to get the desired outcome? Ask your team for their insights. Set ground rules for constructive evaluation and be open to their perspectives. Inclusion cultivates a supportive environment which is key for building the confidence necessary to take calculated risks. Growth requires stepping outside of your comfort zone. Life-long learners realize the need to reframe perceived failure as a learning tool. When you take on challenges that align with your organization’s goals you either succeed or learn. Think of either result as winning.

Reflect

You may not want to immediately ruminate on a project that spectacularly crashed and burned. So, take a beat then ask your team, what did you learn that you want to repeat? What do you want to eliminate? How can you integrate these changes into the process? Setbacks are building blocks for continuous improvement. Use this new knowledge sharing to adjust your strategies and improve your future performance. This process helps your team build resilience which is essential for bouncing back quickly from failures. Success feels good, but the lessons you learn when calculated risks fail stick with you longer.

Reconstruct

Instead of expecting something to work. Expect it not to. Build margin into your timeline for multiple tries, edits, or iterations. This takes some of the pressure off to get it right the first time. When a project doesn’t work out the way you wanted, take the opportunity to adjust your team’s mindset. It is not a reflection of anyone’s abilities or worth as a person. It is an opportunity to develop skills and perseverance. Begin by breaking the goal down into smaller tasks and tackle each one step by step. Celebrate each successfully completed step, document your progress, then move to the next. You will have a record of both your team’s achievement and history. This is a useful reminder that what you did before, you can do again.

Embracing failure as fuel for improvement is a gradual process. Be patient with yourself, stay persistent, and maintain a positive mindset. Successful people fail. A lot.

What strategy do you employ to learn from perceived failure? Please share in the comments.

I Will Follow

Every year Father’s Day reminds me of my dad’s impact on my leadership journey. Dad is my stepfather. He and Mom married when I was fourteen years old. I was happy Mom found someone to share her life with. I was not happy to add another authority figure to mine. But, Dad rarely told me what to do. His authority and effectiveness depended on his relationship with me. He was an influencer. He still is.

Being an influencer at work, even if you don’t have a formal leadership role, can significantly impact your team’s dynamics and the outcomes of your projects. Here are three ways you can become one.

Communicate

Taking a page from Dad’s playbook, accelerate your influence through active listening. For example, you notice your coworker, Rhonda, is struggling. Use 3P listening to help her.

Ponder: Ask open-ended questions that prompt Rhonda to articulate her struggle.
Posture: Make direct eye contact, uncross your arms and legs, and nod your head. These non-verbals are signals to Rhonda that you hear and understand.
Point: Repeat back to Rhonda what you heard her say. You saying it out loud helps Rhonda put her thoughts in order. Finally, ask Rhonda if you heard her correctly. She now has new options to explore and you to thank for them.

When asked to be a resource, be generous in sharing your knowledge, skills, and experiences. You influence your team through effective communication to foster understanding, collaboration, and trust.

Build Relationships

Speaking of trust, business moves at the speed of trust. Being inclusive is good for you both professionally and personally.

Recruit coworkers to your team who look, think, and act differently than you. In meetings, encourage everyone to contribute to the conversation. Recognize and appreciate them when they do. Provide teammates opportunities to showcase their abilities.
Facilitate collaboration across departments. For example, would it be useful for your team to have an ask-me-anything meeting with someone from Compliance?
When conflict arises, (notice I said when and not if) throw water on the fire instead of gasoline. For example, let’s say your team’s last three projects were precariously close to missing their deadlines. As diplomatically as possible, ask your teammates Rodney, Rhonda, Randy, and Ramona why. You discover problems like: Rhonda couldn’t create the PowerPoint for the client presentation until Rodney wrote the report. Rodney couldn’t write the report until Randy gave him the statistics. Randy couldn’t submit the statistics until Ramona pulled the data. This new information allows the team to adjust the flow so it works for everyone.

Your ability to handle adversity and maintain your composure influences your coworkers to cultivate a cooperative environment.

Change Agent

Exercise your emotional intelligence and lead by example. What behaviors do you want your coworkers to exhibit? Professionalism? Enthusiasm? Follow up? Do you exhibit those qualities? Influencers are dedicated, honest, and optimistic. If you show up and convey these qualities every day, you inspire others to follow suit. For example, at the end of each project, do you have a follow-up meeting for continuous improvement? Do you ask your team, what went well? What didn’t? What do we wish we would’ve done instead? How can we do that instead-thing next time? Offering to streamline processes, suggesting innovative ideas, or encouraging low-risk experiments influence your team to confidently present their ideas to the group.

Leadership is not exclusive to designated positions within your organization. If you influence people, they will follow you. If people follow you, you are a leader regardless of your title.

What do you do to positively influence your work team? Please share in the comments.

Shepherd Not Superhero

Superhero movies are out in full force with more to come. You walk out of the theater and into work ready to be the superhero for your clients, but resist the temptation to swoop in and save the day. You are not the Tatooine farm boy Luke Skywalker. You are the Jedi Master Luke Skywalker. In other words, your role is to guide your clients to make wise choices that make their organization thrive. Here are some key steps you can take to play your role effectively.

Where Are They?

You and your client are on a journey together. Your itinerary starts with where your client is and ideally ends with where they want to be. Conduct a comprehensive analysis. Help your client objectively evaluate their current business situation, including strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats (SWOT analysis). Identify areas for improvement, growth, and competencies to build on.

Where Do They Want to Go?

Your client’s goals represent the destination you want to reach. Work with them to gain a deep understanding of their business objectives, long-term ambitions, and key performance indicators (KPIs). This knowledge helps you narrow all the ways they could reach their goals down to the best ways to reach them.

How Will You Help Them Get There?

Coach – Form a team made up of players from both your organization and theirs. Together, develop a plan that outlines strategic objectives, targets, and action steps. Tailor the plan to their unique situation and align it with both their current and long-term visions. Get as specific as possible with the information you have. Based on your client’s goals and your analysis of their business, come up with a list of customized solutions and recommendations. For example, Do they need to create new products or services? Do they need to expand into new markets? Are there processes they can improve?

Advise – Schedule regular meetings to update the team on industry trends, market dynamics, and competitor activities. This empowers everyone to make informed decisions in real time and stay ahead of your client’s competitors. Earn their trust by being a reliable source of support and guidance. Demonstrating your commitment to their success fosters a strong relationship with your client. When their needs evolve, adapt your approach accordingly. For example, communicate beneficial emerging technology trends or marketing opportunities. Anticipate challenges their growth strategies may cause and help them mitigate the risks. Don’t just have a Plan A. Have Plans B – E ready so you can minimize the impact of inevitable setbacks.

Manage – Establish KPIs and milestones to track their progress. Regularly review the data and provide your client with progress reports. Definitely highlight your successes, but also identify areas of concern. Let your client know you are watching these areas in case an adjustment is necessary. Outline your contingency plan for the possible adjustment. Periodically evaluate the effectiveness of the implemented strategies. Analyze the results. Are there ways to further optimize future outcomes? Seek feedback from your client and align your guidance to their expectations.

Each client is unique, and their business needs vary. By customizing your guidance, staying informed, and being proactive, you can effectively guide your clients to make super-heroic choices that support their business growth and yours.

How do you ensure you are the guide in your client’s story and not the superhero? Please share in the comments.

Self-worth

We talked last week about getting laid off from your job, but we did not talk about its negative impact on your budget. You know it’s important to maintain an emergency fund (three to six months worth of expenses), and the best time to do that is before you need it. But why is it so hard to save up your money?

Status

Society trains you to attach your self-worth to your income. It’s one way to evaluate success or failure. Have you heard the motto, “He who dies with the most toys wins”? People are competitive. In the workplace, the person who has the most money has the most power. You carry that mindset into relationships outside of work. You gravitate toward people with similar socioeconomic backgrounds. If you feel your income is lower than your friends, then you’re embarrassed to discuss it. But talking about finances can create community because people have knowledge to share. For example, if you both have car loans, what is their interest rate? Is it lower than what you’re paying? That conversation may not only save you money, but also build a stronger relationship. Comparing yourself to others is useless. There will almost always be someone in your life who makes more money than you. You decide how much status, comfort, and peace of mind is enough for you.

Humans are Judgy

Discussing money openly is still generally considered impolite. Seventy percent of Americans think money conversations should be kept private. Other people aren’t the only ones judging you based on your income. You also judge you. If your income is tied to your sense of identity, then revealing it feels like exposing something deeply personal. It’s especially painful if your income does not match your goals. Society places a lot of value on financial success. You may feel looked down on if you know your income is less than your coworkers. That is one of the reasons the culture of the American workforce traditionally gives for the strong privacy policy around finances.

Paradigm Shift

The pandemic made the workforce rethink what making a living looks like. For example, is there more to life than working under the terms and conditions someone else sets? Or why do you care about society’s opinion when they aren’t living your life? If tightening your budget will enable you to live the way you want, then try these ideas.

Determine essential expenses (housing, utilities, groceries) and cut back on non-essential expenses (eating out/food delivery, entertainment, subscription services)
Review your health, (medical, dental, eye) car, life, and any other insurance policies. Make sure you have adequate coverage, don’t have more than you need, and you aren’t paying more than necessary
Pay off your credit cards ASAP. Look for a card with a lower interest rate. When you find one, contact your bank and ask them to match it
Work an additional flexible-schedule job (dog walker, food delivery driver, consultant) to supplement your income until you get your finances where you want them

Saving your money is hard because it’s not about money. It’s about how you feel about money. How do you prioritize how much is enough? Please share in the comments.

Job Insecurity

As of April 30, 2023, 168,243 tech employees have been laid off. Losing your job through no fault of your own can be devastating. You feel rejected, hurt, angry, embarrassed, maybe even panicked. Now what?

What Not to Do

Retaliate – It’s tempting to act on your anger and lash out. For example, if your former employer is a bring-your-own device to work environment, then you may feel like withholding the projects you did for them. Upload their stuff from your personal laptop to their shared drive and put it behind you. You may also be tempted to indulge in some trash talk the next time you’re on social media, but disrespecting the organization and/or its leadership only reflects badly on you. If you were a hiring manager, would you interview someone who publicly maligns a former employer?

Rush – Take the time to find your best opportunity. Rushing into a new job that isn’t a good fit can lead to further stress and disappointment. While you may need money immediately, it’s better to take a temporary and/or part-time job both for the paycheck and the time it gives you to keep looking for an organization whose culture excites you.

Ruminate – Overthinking how unfair the situation is does not help you move past it. Triggers are everywhere. Well-meaning people ask you about it and the story is painful to tell over and over. Come up with a neutral elevator speech you can easily remember and deliver it every time someone asks you what happened. Something like, “They had to downsize so now I’m free to accept a new role. Do you know of any open positions?”

What to Do

Reflect – If you are not given a reason for your termination, ask. Knowing why you were chosen may prevent similar issues from happening in the future. Then take stock. Do a personal SWOT analysis. What are your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats? (If you need help with this, DM me.)

Request – Will the organization help you find another job? Will they be a reference? Do they have a connection they will introduce you to? Will they hold a seminar for those who are getting laid off to help with resume reviews, mock interviews, and networking skills? If not, will they pay for a session with a career coach as part of your severance package? If you are eligible for unemployment benefits, file a claim as soon as possible. Avoid making large purchases or taking on debt. These temporary measures can help you stay financially afloat while you search for your next role.

Review – Update your LinkedIn profile and personal website. Adjust your resume and cover letter (Yes, cover letters are still a thing. Don’t get me started.) to highlight your most relevant skills and experiences. Customize your application materials to each position you apply for. This is a job in itself, so after a session working on those, practice self-care and do something that makes you feel good.

How you handle this setback reveals your level of emotional intelligence. Imagine it as a growth opportunity. When you frame it that way in your mind you have great illustrations to draw on for your next job interview.

Have you ever been laid off? What did you do to recover? Please share in the comments.

Communication is Key

I love it when people ask me if I’m worried about robots taking my job. They think Artificial Intelligence will be faster, smarter, and cheaper at creating content than I am. They’re right. But instead of displacing me, AI has promoted me. I am now a Prompt Engineer. How can you protect yourself from being replaced by AI?

Embrace

We fear what we don’t know, so get to know at least one AI chatbot. Here are a few you can try for free. Use AI to help you speed up your process. It’s like washing your car. When you drive through an automatic carwash there are no humans with buckets, sponges, and hand-held vacuums employed to hand wash your vehicle. Technology changed the way you wash your car. Just like technology changes the way most work gets done. Take control and upskill yourself.

Engage

The more work AI can do, the more important the human touch becomes. Use communication to:

Build Trust – Is there a coworker you avoid because the only time they speak to you is when they want something? Don’t be that coworker. Up your interpersonal communication efforts. If you get into the habit of engaging your team in conversation every day, then they will be more open when you ask them for help.

Make it Easy – Use tools like Google Drive to keep KPIs, planning notes, task assignments, etc., in one place so it is easy for your team to check the status of your joint projects. Keep meetings to a minimum. If a meeting is the best way to communicate, then invite one representative per project and let them brief their teams.

Spread Positivity – Take every opportunity to be a cheerleader. Whether it’s your direct report, coworker, or manager, when someone does a good job let them know. Reference a specific action they took and sincerely tell them why you think they rocked it. When someone helps you, thank them in front of their manager, if possible. Even people who do not enjoy the spotlight appreciate praise in the presence of someone who impacts their career.

Enhance

AI does not eliminate customer service. It enables you to be better at it. A human still needs to communicate:

Empathy – Clients want to know that you hear them, understand their challenges, and have experience solving the problem they are facing. After actively listening, you achieve that through what you say and how you say it. Customer service is warm, soothing, and personal.

Subject Matter Expertise – Your clients trust you to give them the tools they need to grow their businesses. You are their guide. You cut through the noise surrounding them. Use AI to research and evaluate options, then present them with the best plans for spending their time, energy, attention, and money.

Emotional Intelligence – It takes a human to figure out how a client likes to communicate then tailor the message to the medium they are most comfortable with. Slack? Email? Phone call? Zoom? Clients want to know someone is taking care of them. Ask them what their business needs beyond what your company provides. When you find out, introduce them to someone in your network who can help.

How has AI impacted your job so far? Please share in the comments.

Lead Me On

The first leader you ever followed was your mother. From the time you were born she managed, coached, and developed you. It may have felt restrictive, nagging, and painful for both of you while growing up, but today those behaviors she modeled will pay off for you on the job. If you are hiring managerial positions, what qualities should you look for in a candidate that will help you retain your individual contributors? If you are an individual contributor looking to move up, what skills should you hone to supervise direct reports?

Empathy

Mothers learn active listening and how to connect with people on a personal level. These qualities help them understand both the needs of their direct reports and the concerns of their stakeholders. This creates a positive and supportive work environment where employees feel valued and motivated to succeed. These feelings make them want to keep working for your organization. This research says relationships with colleagues is one of the top reasons employees stay with a company. Empathy is considered a soft skill which masks the reality that it requires a thick skin. A leader has to make hard decisions that are best for the company, and may be unpopular with the staff. For example, at home Mom stands firm on her decision prohibiting her teenager from riding in a car with a driver who only has their temps. At work, this is the leader who prohibits her team from delivering a subpar-quality project to the client. Both situations require Mom to get comfortable with people’s disappointment.

Coaching

Whether the piano, your volleyball serve, or multiplication tables, a coach makes you practice. Repetition not only increases muscle memory, but also reveals where processes need improved. For example, Mom trains her child to take out the trash every week. Not only does her child learn the chore needs done, but also if once a week is enough. At work, Mom trains her team to meet for a status update every week. Not only does the team learn what progress was made, but also if meeting once a week is enough. A coaching manager knows you need not only hard skills like learning a second language, profit forecasting, and SEO, but also soft skills like communication, conflict management, and critical thinking. Mothers have years of practice training their children to have a growth mindset. They develop strong communication skills enabling them to constructively articulate their expectations. In the workplace this translates into guidance and encouragement which builds trust and respect with their staff.

Foresight

Mothers have a long-term perspective when it comes to their children’s well-being. This skill can be applied to leading a team, where it’s essential to make decisions that benefit the organization’s future growth and success while balancing competing staffing demands and prioritizing tasks effectively, especially when it comes to crisis management. Mothers put systems in place to handle unexpected challenges such as a sick child. In the workplace, these are the leaders who anticipate what complex emotions from stakeholders they may have to face if they make a certain decision.

Mothers are adept at communicating, motivating, forecasting, navigating conflicts, and fostering relationships. All these are signs of a good manager.

What leadership qualities did I forget? Please share in the comments.

Happy Endings

With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day coming up, you may be celebrating your parents over the next few weeks. Maybe you will get together and relive memories of their past as you grew up. Are you also thinking about their future and how it may impact yours?

Once your parents retire Social Security and Medicare will help with living expenses, but it’s likely they will outlive those funds. You need to know if they have savings and safeguards in place to protect the money they worked so hard for. Here are some things to consider.

Fraud

Since older adults have had more time on the planet to save up their money, they are logical targets for fraud and not just by strangers. When talking to your parents listen for stories of any new friends coming into their lives and how they spend time together. For example, when they go out to lunch, does your parent always pay the check? Here are some other things to watch for. Also talk about the latest cybersecurity scams. Criminals are employing the latest capabilities of AI to do scary things like enhance family emergency schemes.

Finances

Always a touchy subject, but the economy is perpetually uncertain. Everyone wants to ensure they have all the resources they need to live the rest of their lives the way they want to. Here are a few questions to ask.

Do they have savings (e.g., IRAs, pensions, etc.) in place?
Do they have outstanding debts?
Do they have the necessary documents (like these ) filed?
Not to be morbid, but have they thought about funeral arrangements? Do they want their remains to be buried or cremated? Are they organ donors? If they haven’t thought about it yet, encourage them to document their preferences so you can carry out their wishes after they are gone.

Fulfillment

Mostly, you want to know that if you die before they do they have a plan for living out the rest of their lives in safety and comfort. Here are some questions to ponder together.

Is the interior of the house okay? Accessories like grab bars in the shower, a chairlift for the stairs, and adequate lighting throughout the house will help prevent falls.
Do they have any chronic conditions? Are the names and contact information for their healthcare providers written down somewhere that you can access if necessary?
Do they have a community? Social engagement is important for mental and emotional health no matter how old you are. Do they volunteer with their church? Does their city have a senior center?
Do they feel safe driving? Are they open to public transportation, ride-sharing, or a nonprofit’s transportation program?
When they eventually need help aging in place, should you live together? If so, who is financially responsible for what expenses? How much physical help will they need before it’s beyond your capabilities? Should you get advice from an eldercare attorney to prepare yourselves for what the future may bring?
If they ultimately need an assisted living community, how do you find a trustworthy one? Here’s some information on where to begin.

The future and money are both emotional conversation topics. If you approach them with empathy, respect, and active listening, they will be more productive. Be aware this is not a one and done. You will revisit these issues as long as you are blessed to still be on the same planet as your parents.

What resources do you recommend for aging in place? Please share in the comments.

Don’t Let Me Down

I had to take a class in small group communication in college. It was there that I learned one of my all-time favorite jokes: I want the members of my small group to be the pall bearers at my funeral so they can let me down one last time.

The absence of collaboration on a team makes you feel let down. One challenging element of collaboration is group goal setting. In this, Part Two of our Before and After series, let’s think about the traditional approach to setting work goals as Before, and how that approach can be improved as After. The Before approach is a systematic and disciplined process for success, but your team can waste a lot of energy using it. It typically goes like this:

Define the Objective – Identify what you want to achieve. The objective should be clear, specific, measurable, and aligned with the company’s overall business goals, vision, and mission.

Break it Down – Divide the objective into small steps to create projects. Assign projects to team members.

Prioritize – Determine the order in which the projects need to be done. For example, if Jane needs data from Joe’s project to complete hers, then Joe’s project is due first. Set deadlines, figure out what resources each team member needs to complete their project, and brainstorm possible obstacles to completing projects on time.

Track Progress – Schedule regular meetings to track the team’s progress towards meeting the objective. Identify who is falling behind and why. Adjust their resources to stay on track.

Evaluate – After achieving the objective, gather feedback from the team. What worked well? What didn’t? What do they wish they’d done differently? Put these notes in a folder in a shared drive as a reference for the next objective.

The traditional method dictates that you set a goal, reach it, then begin to identify another one. Sounds logical, right? But, in the quickly evolving world of work, Before methods of goal-setting are no longer working. This happens for several reasons, all having to do with a lack of something:

Flexibility – Traditional goal-setting methods often involve setting long-term goals and sticking to them, but that ignores the pace at which the work environment moves.

Employee Input – In the world of Before, your manager hands an objective to the team leader who doles out assignments. Lack of employee input produces both a lack of buy-in and a lack of motivation to achieve the objective. Employees are more engaged and motivated when we understand the broader purpose and meaning behind our work.

Learning – Traditional goal-setting methods tend to focus solely on achieving specific outcomes and not on the value of experimentation. In today’s knowledge-based economy, failing fast supports figuring out the best ways not to do something. These learnings are evergreen and the processes of elimination can be applied to achieving future goals.

The changing nature of both work and the workforce means that Before goal-setting methods may be ineffective in achieving your objectives. Instead, organizations should consider adopting the After approach. It relies on flexibility and employee-driven input to goal setting. This prioritizes learning, development, purpose, and adaptability.

How can you integrate the After approach to goal setting into your workforce retention plan?