Ever wonder what happens when a mean girl grows up? She becomes a Queen Bee (QB): a female leader insecure in her position who treats her female employees worse than she treats her male employees. Obsessed with maintaining her authority, she views other women as competitors and excludes them from high profile projects that could advance their careers. What does a QB act like? How do you deal with one? Short of a giant flyswatter, how do we eliminate QBs?
Beehavior (see what I did there?)
A QB:
- Dismisses our ideas without discussion
- Interrupts us mid-sentence
- Excludes us from meetings
- Chips away at our confidence (e.g., yells at us for not performing a task we weren’t aware we’re supposed to do)
- Undermines us behind our backs (e.g., gossips about us to colleagues)
- QBs are effective because they prey on unique female vulnerabilities men don’t usually think about (e.g., not smart enough, dressing inappropriately, too emotional, not committed to our careers because we’re mothers, etc.)
Until there are as many female leaders as male, freezing out the competition is an effective survival strategy.
Remove the Sting
A young woman starting out her career naturally looks around the organization for a successful mature woman to emulate. The chosen mentor may see this as competition and in the vein of keep your friends close and your enemies closer, actively subvert the younger woman’s efforts to advance her career. If we aspire to be leaders, we have to stand up for ourselves. Note instances where the QB treats us differently than our male coworkers and ask why. Let’s politely ask for details on our job performances and in what areas she’d like us to improve. When she gets mean, we’ll keep our composure and take her assessment respectfully. We’ll admire her work, tell her we want to be as good at our jobs as she is at hers, and ask her to share the secret of her success.
Extinction
In the good news department, this article says there aren’t as many QBs as we think. The assumption there is something in women’s genes that make us unable to get along with each other is a myth. QBs are the result of inequality and gender discrimination. Women protect our territory because we’re the non-dominant group, not because we’re women. As more women reach higher levels of management, being punished (e.g., low job performance ratings, not getting promoted) for promoting diversity by elevating other women, should decrease.
Learning to Fly
Women should mentor other women and publicly celebrate other women’s accomplishments. When a woman behaves like a man, let’s stop judging her so harshly. Let’s call both men and women out on the language they use to describe our female coworkers. For example, in a recent interview, Taylor Swift pointed out, “…A man does something, it’s strategic; a woman does the same thing, it’s calculated.” So let’s watch our mouths; no trash talking other women. People view us as women, not as professionals. Let’s use that bias to our advantage. Let’s embrace other women on our teams, work hard together, support each other, and deliver the goods. Let’s earn reputations for increasing revenue and giving excellent customer service. When we’re in positions to promote women, let’s do it. Let’s create a sisterhood of success. When women have each other’s backs, we all rise.
Have you ever experienced Queen Bee Syndrome at work? What did you do to change the relationship? Please share your story in the comments section.
