Energy

Priority Protection

I’m still thinking about this book and particularly the reference to this quote usually attributed to Maya Angelou: “Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it.” This is a job description for leadership. When you level up the work gets fuzzier, the pace gets faster, and the expectations get implied. Suddenly you’re in a high-pressure, Slack-soaked, meeting-heavy environment where urgent is a vibe, not a category. If your default setting is “No worries if not,” then your calendar turns into a 24/7 help desk.

Being Prepared Means Boundaries

Competent people get rewarded with more work. You’ve seen it. You’ve lived it. You answer quickly, you fix problems, you take things off other people’s plates. When you imagine pushing back on an additional assignment, your brain hears: They’ll think I’m difficult. They’ll think I’m bossy. They’ll think I don’t deserve the promotion I just got. You got promoted because you are effective. And effectiveness requires limits. You don’t need to be always available. Instead, communicate strength plus warmth. Strength is clarity. It’s what you will do, what you won’t, and by when. Warmth is respect. You see the other person. You want things to work. You’re not making it weird. Try this:

Name the boundary (short and direct)
Name the reason (work reason, not a life reason)
Offer the next step (so you’re not blocking progress)

That’s how you ask for what you want while staying likable and respected. And now how about some scripts?

Scripts for Slack

1) When someone pings “Quick question?”

You want: fewer drive-bys, more control.

“Happy to help. Please send the question and what you need from me (decision, feedback, or info)? I’m in meetings until 2, then I can respond.”

Balanced, warm, and it trains people to be clearer.

2) When it’s after hours and you’re tempted to reply anyway

You want: to stop teaching people you’re always on.

“Got it. I’m offline now and will take a look tomorrow morning.”

No apology. No “No worries if not.” You’re simply a person who sleeps.

3) When you can’t take on more work

You want: to protect your priorities without sounding like you’re refusing.

“I can take this on, but I’ll need to push X to next week. Which is the priority?”

That one sentence is a leadership move. It makes trade-offs visible.

Scripts for Email

1) Setting response-time expectations

You want: fewer “following up!!!” emails.

Subject: Re: [Topic]

“Thanks for sending this. I’m heads-down on client deliverables today and will reply by EOD tomorrow. If you need a decision sooner, please flag what’s time-sensitive.”

Warmth: thanks + options. Strength: timeline.

2) Protecting your calendar

You want: fewer meetings that steal deep work time.

“I can join for the first 15 minutes to align on decisions and owners. If we need more time, I’m happy to review notes asynchronously.”

You’re not dodging. You’re designing how you work.

Scripts for Live Conversation

1) When someone adds “one more thing” in a meeting

You want: to stop volunteering your future evenings.

“I can do that. What should I deprioritize to make room?”

Say it calmly, like you’re asking where the stapler is.

2) When expectations are unclear

You want: clarity without sounding dramatic.

“To make sure I deliver what you actually need, what does success look like here, and when do you need it?”

That’s not pushy. That’s preventing rework.

3) When you need to end a conversation

You want: to leave without the nervous over-explaining.

“I’m going to jump to my next meeting. I’ll follow up with next steps by tomorrow at noon.”

Clean. Leader. Done.

Your new replacement for “No worries if not”

Retire it. It sounds polite, but it teaches people your needs don’t matter.

Try these instead:

If that doesn’t work, here are two alternatives.
Let me know what’s realistic on your end.
If you can’t, who’s the right person to ask?

Still warm. Way more self-respecting.

How do you ask for what you want while staying likable and respected? Please share in the comments.

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That’s a Wrap 2025

Thank you for spending 2025 with me! As we end this year together, here are the top three articles in each category: Time, Energy, Attention, and Money (T.E.A.M.), based on views with 1 being the most viewed in the category. These articles were published between December 2, 2024 and November 30, 2025. Enjoy!

Time

Attention

Money

What decisions around time, energy, attention, and money are you facing in the new year? Please share in the comments.

The Struggle

I was watching one of my shows when a scene made me put my phone down. In this episode, three characters were zipped into body bags. They were all fully conscious, panicking, and trying to break free. Two of them managed to wriggle out. One rushed to help the third, who was still trapped and understandably losing it. But the first character stopped him with: “Don’t deny her, her struggle.”

Why shouldn’t you help someone who’s trapped? But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. That zipped-up body bag was like a cocoon. And sometimes the struggle is the very thing that prepares you for what comes next. A caterpillar doesn’t become a butterfly because it’s wrapped in silk. It becomes a butterfly because it fights its way out. That pressure, that effort, strengthens the wings. If you slice the cocoon open to help, the butterfly may emerge too weak to survive.

The Problem

We may have ergonomic chairs and Slack reminders, but we’re no different. We built lives that are climate-controlled, overfed, and underchallenged. Ironically, excessive comfort is often the thing that makes work feel harder, burnout hit faster, and decision-making foggy.

The Solution

Intentional, manageable, chosen discomfort is the solution because struggle builds capacity. And you need capacity to handle the emergencies, the inbox avalanches, and the tough decisions that shape your career.

The Struggle Makes You Sharper

Burnout isn’t always too much work: When everything is repetitive, nothing feels meaningful. You feel drained without knowing why. If you never stretch yourself, your brain gets restless. Restlessness turns into irritation. Irritation snowballs into burnout. A little struggle wakes your brain up. Taking on a project you’re not 100% sure how to do. Leading a meeting you would normally avoid. Saying, “I can try,” instead of “I’m not ready.” You grow from pushing the edges of your ability.

It builds resilience before you need it: Work is unpredictable. Deadlines shift. Projects pile up. Decisions land on your laptop without warning. When you practice handling small discomforts, you build the capacity you’ll need during bigger moments. Think of it as low-risk training. The kind you control. The kind that strengthens you without overwhelming you.

Self-doubt shrinks: Self-doubt thrives in comfort. When you never attempt anything uncertain, your brain assumes you can’t. When you avoid challenges, the avoidance becomes your identity. But when you do something you weren’t sure you could do like ask the question in the meeting, hit send on the draft, take the lead on the small project, you rewrite your internal script. Your confidence doesn’t grow because everything goes perfectly. It grows because you showed up anyway. Kelly Clarkson is right: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Choose the (Slightly) Harder Path

Do the first uncomfortable step: Take five minutes and draft the email or make the phone call or write the outline. Don’t commit to finishing. Just start.

Protect one boundary this week: Pick something simple like a meeting you decline, or a time block you keep. Practice standing firm with kindness.

Ask one question you’re afraid to ask: In a meeting, in a 1:1, or in a project kickoff. Curiosity builds competence. It shows you’re engaged, thoughtful, and willing to learn.

Pause before reacting: Practice sitting with discomfort before you react. When you feel defensive, overwhelmed, or impatient take one beat before you say or do anything. Let the feeling sharpen you, not steer you. Tiny moments of space builds emotional strength relatively quickly.

How do you challenge yourself to get uncomfortable? Please share in the comments.

Overcommitted

I sat in an audience of emerging leaders. A panel of three seasoned managers sat on stage to share what everyone wanted to hear: How to own your career. Halfway through, the moderator asked, “How do you say no to an increasing workload with no incentives attached?” Everyone held their breath. The panelists looked at each other, and one finally, very gently, spoke the truth in love, “Well, you really don’t say no. That’s part of the ‘other duties as assigned’ phrase found in most every employment agreement.”

Silence.

That silence revealed the struggle of deciding where responsibility ends and overwork begins. Because yes, your career is your responsibility and so are your boundaries.

Why Saying “Yes” Feels Safer

Saying yes feels like job security, or proof you’re a team player. You want to be perceived as dependable and promotable. Saying no can feel like you’re pushing back against authority or signaling you can’t handle the load. But overcommitting doesn’t make you valuable. It makes you vulnerable. When you say yes to everything, your value becomes tied to volume, not quality. Your best work gets buried under everyone else’s priorities. You end up tired, distracted, and quietly resentful.

What Boundary Creep Looks Like

You’re the go-to person for fixing PowerPoint decks because “you’re so good at it.”
You spend hours reformatting slides for meetings that don’t involve you.
Your manager asks you to lead a new initiative without adjusting your current deadlines. You agree, then spend nights catching up.
Your colleague “just needs a quick favor” that somehow turns into a recurring task.
You’re asked to “just sit in” on another team’s meeting. Then somehow, you’re taking notes and managing follow-up tasks.
Your coworker goes on vacation, and their work lands on your desk “just for a week,” which turns into two.
You’re the most organized person on your team, so you start running every group project, none of which are technically in your job description.

If any of these sounds familiar, it’s time to reassess. Maintaining boundaries doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you effective. You don’t need to be defiant to draw a line. You just need clarity about your capacity and the confidence to communicate it.

It’s An Art

Boundaries are not barriers. They’re filters. They protect your energy so you can deliver your best work on the right things. Healthy boundaries signal strategy, not defiance. When you communicate them well, you show emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and respect for priorities, including your manager’s. There’s an art to turning down extra work without burning bridges. It’s all about tone and timing. You’re not rejecting the work. You’re aligning with goals. Over time, people will start to see you as someone who’s focused and reliable. Here’s a formula you can try.

Acknowledge the request:“I appreciate you thinking of me for this.” Starting with gratitude lowers defenses.
State your current priorities: “Right now, I’m focused on finalizing the report due Friday and supporting the training rollout.” This shows that your bandwidth is already spoken for, not that you’re unwilling.
Offer an alternative: “If this can wait until next week, I can give it my full attention.” or “Would it make sense to loop in Jack, since he’s been working on something similar?” This demonstrates you’re a problem-solver.
Reinforce alignment: “I want to make sure we’re hitting the most important goals first.” You’re not rejecting the request; you’re prioritizing what matters most to the team.

What is one thing you do to artfully protect your boundaries? Please share in the comments.

Under Construction

Reality Check: no matter how smart you are or how much caffeine you consume, you can’t succeed alone. Leadership is less about being the hero and more about building a team of people who can thrive together. When you understand how to assemble and nurture a team, you set the stage for productivity, innovation, and sanity (yours included). Let’s talk about why this matters and how you can build your skills even if you don’t officially manage people.

Why Team Building Matters

Leaders who know how to build teams create environments where people actually want to work, not just log hours on Slack and duck out of Zoom meetings as fast as possible. Here’s what effective team building does:

Improves Communication: When trust is high, people stop sending 47 follow-up emails just to confirm what was already said in a meeting.
Boosts Motivation and Retention: A good team feels like a place where you belong. That’s why employees stick around longer, even when recruiters are lurking in their LinkedIn DMs.
Fosters Innovation: Great ideas don’t come from a vacuum. They come from different brains colliding in the right way.
Develops Individual Strengths: A well-built team doesn’t just hit goals. It makes each person better at what they do.

When all of that happens, everyone wins. Your organization gets higher productivity, the team gets better results, and you have fewer Sunday Scaries.

Spotting Your Team’s Types

Every team has personalities you can mentally group into categories. Think of them as archetypes you’ll see again and again. Your job isn’t to “fix” these types. It’s to get them to work together without frustrating each other.

The C-Suite: Even if they aren’t in the C-Suite, they act like they are. Confident and decisive, they want control.
The Partier: They’re here for the vibes. If there’s a happy hour, they’re organizing it. If there’s a virtual meeting, they’re cracking jokes in the chat.
The Networker: This person is a connector. They know someone in every department and always seem to have the right intro at the right time.
The Process Improver: They can’t stand inefficiency. Expect comments like, “Why are we doing this in three steps when it could be done in one?”

Who Plays Nice Together and Who Doesn’t

I tell you this truth in love: not everyone meshes. The trick is preventing cliques from forming. That means watching who’s chatting in Slack side channels or dominating Zoom meetings while others stay on mute. Set the tone by calling people in, not out. Some examples:

The C-Suite and the Partier often clash. One wants order; the other wants fun. Remind them fun and productivity aren’t mutually exclusive goals.
The Networker and the Process Improver can frustrate each other. One thrives on people, the other on systems. Encourage them to see how their strengths complement each other: relationships open doors, and processes keep things running smoothly.
Surprisingly, the C-Suite and the Process Improver usually get along well. Both want results. They just approach them differently.

What to do Right Now

Pay Attention to Patterns: Who’s always talking? Who’s always silent? Spotting dynamics is step one.
Balance the Energy: Don’t let one type run the show. Make space for each strength.
Frame Collaboration as a Win for Everyone: Say, “Your process idea will make this easier, and your connections will get it approved faster.” People like hearing how they fit.
Encourage Cross-pollination: Ask the Partier to co-lead a brainstorming session with the C-Suite type. Pair the Networker with the Process Improver on rollout. Mix them up intentionally.

Which archetype are you? Please share in the comments.

Tell Stories That Stick

When you think about storytelling, you might picture novels, Netflix, or maybe that one friend who makes a Target run sound like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. But if you work in any organization, then you’re already a storyteller whether or not you realize it. If that sounds overwhelming, don’t be scared. Telling your organization’s story doesn’t have to be hard. The key is to tell the right stories, in the right way, to the right people. Here are some ideas.

Know Your Audience (And What They Care About)

A lot of leaders stumble over storytelling because they tell the stories they want to hear, not the stories their audience needs. A prospect doesn’t need the play-by-play of your new cloud migration. They want to know: How will this save me time, cut my costs, or make me look good in front of my boss? Organizational storytelling isn’t a nice add-on. It’s a practical tool. The stories you tell shape your reputation. They build trust, loyalty, and momentum. Tailor them to resonate with your clients needs, not just your own pride in the project.

Put People at the Center

Facts matter. Metrics matter. But people remember people. If you want your message to resonate, wrap those numbers in human experiences. It could be a case study framed not as “We delivered X solution,” but as “A client was burning out trying to manage data manually, and here’s how we helped free up ten hours of their week.” Human stories create empathy. They remind your clients and prospects that your organization isn’t a machine. It’s made up of people making a difference.

Use a Clear Narrative Arc

Every good story has a beginning, middle, and end. This arc works because it mirrors how our brains process information. You aren’t going for drama, you’re going for clarity. In organizational terms: context, challenge, resolution. For example:

Beginning: What’s the situation? (The client was stuck in spreadsheets. The product launch was slipping.)
Middle: What’s the challenge? (Their data was messy. Their team was stretched thin.)
End: How was it resolved? (Automation streamlined reporting. A sprint pulled the launch over the finish line.)

Don’t Skip the Struggle

We love to airbrush our stories, but struggle is what makes them compelling. Saying “Everything went smoothly” is forgettable. Saying “We hit a wall, here’s how we climbed it” is memorable. Highlighting challenges and solutions shows resilience. Clients don’t want a perfect vendor. They want a reliable partner who can handle reality.

Position Your Brand as the Guide

Here’s the crucial shift: In every story, your organization shouldn’t be the hero. Your clients are the heroes. You’re the guide. You’re Yoda, not Luke. You’re the one equipping them with the tools, solutions, and support to succeed. This mindset keeps your stories humble, relatable, and persuasive. It also reinforces your value proposition: You exist to help others achieve their goals. (And become Jedi Masters.)

Wrap It Up with a Next Step

Every story needs a takeaway. Without one, your audience thinks, “Nice story. So what?” An organizational classic is, “Let’s schedule a call to explore how this could work for you.”

How do you tell your organization’s story? Please share in the comments.

Are You Ready for It?

It’s promotion season! The time of year when titles shift, responsibilities grow, and opportunities open up. Whether your company follows a formal review process or leaves advancement up to individual managers, one thing is clear. You aren’t handed a promotion. You have to be ready and strategic.

Close Gaps

Before you ask for a promotion look up the job description for the role you want even if it’s not currently posted. What skills, certifications, or leadership abilities does it mention that your current role doesn’t require? Skill gaps aren’t deal breakers. But if they’re visible and unaddressed, they’re easy reasons to pass you over. Your good work does not speak for itself. Promotions go to people who proactively show they’re already doing some of what the next-level job demands. For example, if the job requires strategic planning, and you’re currently in a tactical role, think back to when you helped your team decide on quarterly goals or you made a case for prioritizing a project. Document that and be specific.

Highlight Impact

Instead of listing your tasks clearly state the outcomes your work produced. “Created reports,” is fine, but what happened as a result? You can say, “Increased reporting efficiency by 30% by restructuring our monthly deliverables.” When pitching yourself for a promotion, share examples of projects that had measurable impact. Then tie them directly to the role you want. For example, “Last quarter, I led a small team to implement a new client feedback loop. The experience taught me how to adapt communication styles across departments. That skill is required in the new role on a daily basis.”

Be Clear

Vague descriptions make it harder for others to see you in a bigger role. Swap out generic phrases with specific, transferable skills. Instead of “Ran meetings” say, “Facilitated weekly team syncs, keeping cross-functional partners aligned and on track.” Your goal is to make it easy for your manager to visualize you in the new position. Not just because you’re ready, but because you’ve already started acting like you’re in it.

Build Relationships

If no one in leadership knows your work, they can’t advocate for you when decisions are made. Be visible in the right ways: Speak up in meetings with thoughtful questions or insights. Offer to present team wins or project outcomes. Ask for feedback. Not just from your manager, but also from peers or other leaders you’ve worked with. If your manager knows the promotion is a stretch role, don’t shy away from acknowledging it. Say something like: “I may not be the most obvious candidate on paper, but I’ve been working intentionally to grow in these areas, and I believe I can bring real value to the team.”

Ask Professionally

Once you’ve done your prep, set up a meeting with your manager. This is not a casual hallway conversation. Frame it as a career development check-in. Come prepared with: A list of accomplishments tied to the new role. Evidence you’ve closed (or are closing) any skill gaps. A clear statement of your interest in the position. You are not bragging. You are owning your progress and signaling your readiness. You can say, “I’ve taken on more responsibility over the past year, and I’ve had the chance to lead several initiatives that improved team efficiency. I’ve reviewed the expectations for the position, and I believe I’m ready. I’d like to talk about what it would take to be considered.”

How do you clearly demonstrate the value you bring? Please share in the comments.

Getting in Shape

This week I’m sharing a few questions I’m frequently asked about soft skills. If you feel like you’re managing a team that does what you say but nothing more, you’re not alone. Leading by compliance can get you results. But if you want people to bring their energy, skills, and ideas to the table then you have to inspire them. But how?

Can Soft Skills Be Developed?

Yes, and it takes intention. Think of soft skills like a muscle you have to train. You get better through practice, feedback, and observation. For example, you can learn to listen without interrupting, you can get better at showing empathy, and you can grow more comfortable owning your mistakes.

How Do You Measure Soft Skills?

They’re harder to measure than technical skills, but not impossible. You might track them by asking for 360-degree feedback from colleagues or by reflecting on how people respond to you. Do teammates come to you for advice? Are they honest with you? Do they seem motivated? These signals can tell you if your soft skills are working.

Why Are Soft Skills So Hard To Improve?

Three things: You often don’t get immediate feedback, your habits may be deeply ingrained, and improvement can feel uncomfortable. For example, showing vulnerability takes courage. If you push through that discomfort, you’ll see a huge shift in how your team responds to you. Here are four examples of soft skills and how to start exercising them right away.

Building Kindness

Kindness at work isn’t about being nice for its own sake. It’s about helping people feel seen and supported. Let’s say a teammate misses a deadline. Your gut reaction may be frustration. Instead of acting out of that emotion, schedule a quick one-on-one and calmly ask what got in the way. Maybe they’re swamped or dealing with personal issues. By showing you care, you open the door for a real conversation about workload, priorities, or support. And you send a clear signal that they matter beyond their output.

Building Trust

Trust is about giving others space to do their best work and believing they will. Let’s say you’re leading a project and have a big presentation coming up. A colleague offers to take on a tricky section. Even if you’re tempted to micromanage, you let them own it and you tell them you trust their expertise. That sense of ownership can motivate them to give their best effort, and it frees you up to focus on the bigger picture.

Building Vulnerability

Vulnerability at work is about honesty, especially when it feels risky. Let’s say during a team meeting you share you’re worried about hitting a deadline because of conflicting priorities. Instead of acting like you’ve got it all handled, you invite others to help problem-solve. You’ll be surprised how quickly teammates rally around you when you model openness.

Building Accountability

Accountability means holding yourself, and others, to commitments, while being fair. Let’s say you promise to deliver a report by Friday. Thursday rolls around, and you realize you won’t make it. You send a quick message explaining why and propose a new deadline. That small move shows your team that you don’t sweep things under the rug, and that you respect their time and trust.

What other soft skills would you have included? Please share in the comments.

The Right Measure

If you constantly compare yourself to others, you chase a standard that shifts every time you get close. There’s always someone getting promoted faster, managing bigger projects, or getting more recognition than you. If you measure yourself by their successes, you’ll never feel like you’re enough.

And here’s the kicker: You likely judge yourself not by what others actually think, but by what you assume they think. You guess what your manager values. You assume your team sees you falling behind. You imagine that everyone else is operating at peak performance all the time. But that’s not real. And it’s not useful.

Flip Your Focus

The next time you compare yourself to a more successful coworker, try shifting your attention inward. Instead of asking, “Am I as successful as they are?” Ask yourself:

Am I better today than I was yesterday?
Did I learn something new?
Did I make a meaningful contribution?

That paradigm shift matters. Success is an external measure. It can be valuable information, but don’t let it define you. Use your success metrics like data. What are they telling you?

For example: Let’s say one of your Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) is the number of client accounts you manage. You’re under target by 10%. That doesn’t automatically mean you’re failing. Dig into it. Maybe you’ve been onboarding new clients. That work doesn’t count toward the metric but it still matters.

Use Your KPIs

Reframe the way you think about your KPIs. They aren’t a report card. They’re not a moral judgment. They’re tools. It’s easy to tie your identity to your outputs. But you don’t control every variable. You can’t make a customer sign a contract. You can’t force a stakeholder to give faster feedback. You can’t make a product ship before it’s ready.

But you can control your own actions: How many new leads did you contact today? How many blockers did you resolve on that project? How many updates did you send to keep others aligned? Those are behaviors you own. They compound. They create momentum.

When your KPIs aren’t where you want them, think about what needs to change. What’s missing or unclear? What habits or inputs can you adjust?

On the other hand, when they are where you want them to be, think about what’s working. Can you replicate it? Is this a system worth sharing with your team?

Your Progress

Instead of measuring success by comparing yourself to your coworkers, try measuring your progress. For example:

Do you have more connections than you did last month?
Did you reach out to more clients this week than last?
Did you lead a better meeting today than you did last week?

If so, you’re growing. That’s the measure that counts. Aim for getting 1% better every day. You get to decide what success looks like for you.

Your Future

Success is about the past. It’s what you did. But the past is over and you can’t change it without a DeLorean, a working flux capacitor, and plutonium. So, concentrate on today and tomorrow. You can’t control the future, but you can influence it. The way you manage your calendar today, the decisions you make in this meeting, the effort you bring to this email; all those actions shape what tomorrow will look like.

What is your measure of success? Please share in the comments.

Dark Empathy

A volunteer and I were troubleshooting the usual challenges an event brings when I said, “Misery loves company.” Without missing a beat, they replied, “Don’t be a misery partner.” This gave me pause. I wasn’t just expressing dissatisfaction. I was inviting someone into it. Is that the right thing to do? Misery loves company, but do you have to RSVP?

What It Really Means

You’ve probably heard the phrase before, but let’s be clear: “Misery loves company” means that unhappy people often look for others to share in their pain. Sometimes it’s about validation,“You feel this too, right?” Other times it’s darker. If someone is stuck in a bad mood it can feel comforting to pull others into the same mindset. Misery doesn’t just want to be seen. It wants companionship.

Why We Do It

Validation: Misery can feel isolating. Sharing it with someone makes it feel less lonely.

Mood-matching: If you’re angry or disillusioned, it can feel easier if the person next to you is too. Misery becomes a shared lens.

Identity Reinforcement: If you stay in that space long enough, you begin to expect and even seek out negative experiences. It becomes part of how you navigate work and relationships.

When It Becomes a Problem

In the short term, it feels good to vent. It builds rapport. It can even feel productive. But over time, it shifts from bonding to spiraling. For example: Let’s say you have a coworker who habitually wants to talk about how bad leadership is. Every team meeting, every direct message, it comes up. At first, you agree. But soon, you’re both repeating the same frustrations. Nothing changes. The venting doesn’t lead to clarity or action just mutual grievance. That’s misery partnering. When two or more people reinforce each other’s worst perspectives, you’re no longer helping each other process. You’re keeping each other stuck.

How to Spot It at Work

Misery partnering isn’t always loud. It can look like two coworkers grabbing coffee just to complain. It can happen in team group chats or in “just being real” sidebars. It drains your energy and clouds your decision-making. When your default mode is skepticism or complaint, even good ideas start to feel naive. You stop contributing. You play it safe. You protect your mood instead of doing your best work. If you experience any of these, then ask yourself:

Am I sharing this to feel better, or to feel right?
Does this conversation go in circles?
After we talk, do I feel lighter or more stuck?
Are we taking any action, or just blaming?

What You Can Do Instead

You don’t have to cut off every frustrated coworker and you don’t have to bottle things up. You do need to be mindful about how much airtime you’re giving to frustration and whether it’s helping. The next time a coworker starts spiraling, don’t pile on. Listen, but then steer. Ask what they need. Suggest one step forward.

Start with this mantra, “I can listen without absorbing. I can empathize without enabling. I can share my own frustrations without needing someone to sink with me.” Call it what it is: a moment, not a mindset. If you catch yourself being the one pulling others in, pause and ask yourself: “What do I actually want right now? Validation? Change? Relief?”

If you’re stuck in a loop with someone who’s always venting, try asking: “What are you thinking about doing next?” It’s a gentle nudge out of rumination and into action.

How do you avoid becoming a misery partner at work? Please share in the comments.