Communication – Page 2 – mardihumphreys.com

Waiting on the World to Change

Mother’s Day has me reflecting on how different the workforce was when our daughter entered it in 2019 than when I became her mother in 1997. By then I was 10 years into my career and enjoyed it, but it was hard to be a Mom in the Workforce (MitW). I hoped it would be different by the time our daughter got her first full-time job; unfortunately, not so much. In 2019 only 66.4% of moms with children under six years old had jobs outside the home. Here are three things I think she should know about being a MitW.

You Will be Judged

MitW are expected to shine at both work and home. Society holds mothers to different standards than fathers. E.g., if a father does not take time off work to attend his child’s school function, no one thinks twice, but if a mother doesn’t show up, she gets labeled as a bad parent. Isn’t this belittling the father’s role (that’s a whole ‘nuther post) and overestimating the mother’s? Best practice is to ignore other people’s opinions of our parenting. Choosing between attending an important client meeting and our child’s science fair is a decision only we can make.

Work Life Balance is a Myth

COVID-19 has revealed a dirty little secret; MitW are still expected to handle the job, the kids, and the household. It’s time for conversation (divide up the chores), boundaries (stick to our own chores and resist the urge to redo things our way), and lower standards (dirty dishes in the sink overnight is acceptable). With everyone home we’ve fallen prey to Parkinson’s Law. There’s always something to do for work and there’s always something to do at home. That doesn’t mean we have to spend the same amount of time writing emails as baking banana bread (or whatever your form of self-care is). When we feel temporarily satisfied with the state of our inbox (no matter the time of day), if we feel like baking banana bread, it’s okay. Maybe you’d rather bake two loaves of banana bread, then tackle email. Best practice is to strive for work life harmony instead of balance.

It’s Not One and Done

Child rearing is an 18 year (at least) conversation between us, our co-parents, and children. Minds and circumstances change. Best practice is to decide what our non-negotiable boundaries are and occasionally revisit them with the affected parties before we say or do something we’ll regret. If quitting our jobs to raise our children is going to make us bitter, it would be better to keep working (if possible) even if it means enduring the stink eye from onlookers.

Does a woman have to be a wife, mother, sister, daughter, aunt, employee, cook, custodian, accountant, churchgoer, pet owner, and volunteer simultaneously to be considered “good?” Who has time to do all that? What happens if I don’t? Who made these rules? Do women aspire to be all that?

Please share the challenges you face (or faced) as a working parent in the comments section.

Going the (Physical) Distance

Even we introverts are over this whole sheltering-at-home sequestration. Boredom has officially set in. The value of teachers, the healthcare workforce, truckers, and sanitation engineers is proved. The struggle with guilt is real. We’re asked to stay home with our snacks, entertainment, and stimulus checks, but we want to be out with our friends. We feel survivors’ guilt working from home (WFH) while 1 out of 10 other people in America have lost their jobs thanks to COVID-19. Instead of pining for what we can’t have, let’s give attention to what we can do.

Each Other

Let’s take a break from supervising our children’s online learning, WFH, cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc., and make virtual coffee dates with our families and play virtual games with our friends. It gives us peace of mind to see our loved ones safe and healthy. By the way, we have to initiate these. I posted offers on my social media for all comers to hang out and no one took me up on them. But, when I invited specific people to meet, they all accepted. This also goes for networking. Is there someone you want to connect with, but couldn’t pre-COVID-19? Plenty of people are now open to spending a few minutes on a meet and greet teleconference. Everyone just wants to know there’s life out there.

Emotions

Are you journaling more since sheltering at home? It’s good to empty our heads of negative thoughts and drag them into the light where we can see them more objectively. Our fear of the future can be analyzed. Our guilt over whining about WFH while our friends are furloughed may be admitted. Our anger sparked by the abrupt annihilation of our routines has a place to go. Then, we can deliberately relieve these negative emotions with positive actions. (E.g., help your first grader write a thank you note to his teacher for adapting to an online classroom.) In a few months we can revisit these journals and determine if we developed habits in quarantine worth keeping.

Envision

We can start thinking about life after lock down. We can update our resumes and LinkedIn profiles. We can touch base with warm contacts. Networking is easier right now because COVID-19 gives all of us something to talk about. We can plan a vacation for October, make a menu for Thanksgiving dinner, and start a Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa gift list. We can think about what scheduling adjustments we want to keep, what lessons we’ve learned, and what technology we need to implement to improve our future work life balance.

My late maternal grandmother was famous for the catch phrase, “This too shall pass.” I hear it a whole lot these days, which is good. It’s a statement of hope. The world will probably never go back to the way it was before the pandemic, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But right now, let’s focus on helping each other get through today.

How are you encouraging hope during the pandemic? Please share in the comments section.

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

Sheltering at home has made me lose all track of time. COVID-19 didn’t take my job, so working from home means I’m always at work. I stress over emails. Do I ignore them outside regular office hours? Do I answer them because I’m bored? If I reply, does that set a precedent to answer email 24/7 when this is over? Where are my boundaries? I’m struggling with distraction, overthinking, and TMI. Do you feel the same? Here are some things we can do to exercise a bit of control over our time.

The Obvious

We know what we should do, let’s just do it. Make a new routine. Get dressed. (Slippers? Yes. Day time pajamas? No.) Eat healthy. Move our bodies. Start work at the same time every day. Connect with our teams. (And not just about work; how are they coping emotionally?) Take breaks (suggestions: listen to a podcast, walk the dog, study with the kids). Quit at the same time every day. Don’t work seven days a week.

Encourage

Until in-person networking events resume, we can spend more time on LinkedIn. Let’s wish someone a happy birthday, like an article a connection posted, thank those in healthcare, grocery, and other essential critical infrastructure for their hard work. I’m concentrating on both cheer leading for my connections and amplifying those looking for work.

Practice the Tech

We have to learn how to teleconference, decipher how our kids’ elearning platform works, figure out how much bandwidth we need, and which entertainment streaming services to use. It’s okay to take our time experimenting with features and figuring out what works best. Let’s not beat ourselves up for not being immediate experts on the new technologies all coming at us at once.

Communicate

Everyone who lives in our residences are home ALL. THE. TIME. And everyone is confused. Let’s ask for help. Can we stagger online meetings? Can we claim our own private work/school space? Can we respect a do-not-disturb note on the door when we need to work uninterrupted? Can we tag team supervising online learning? When our spouse has a virtual meeting, can we take the kids outside for recess?

Be Kind

There’s plenty of opportunity right now. We can check on our parents. Ask our neighbor if she needs something from the store before we head out. Video chat with our bestie. Stick a piece of paper on the refrigerator and ask everyone in our home to write one thing they’re grateful for on it everyday. Investigate ways our company can volunteer (e.g., help the local food bank or give blood). Hug the people we live with and stay six feet away from everyone else.

With our normal structure blown up, I think we feel pressured to be productive so we can prove our worth. But I think the source of that pressure may be ourselves. Our employers ask us to use our time wisely and that’s a big enough goal during this pandemic.

What are you doing to take control of your time during isolation? Please share in the comments section.

The Uns

James C. Collins coined the phrase, “Good is the enemy of great.” He suggests we have to remove some good things from our lives so we can focus attention on achieving bigger goals. Since we are stuck sheltering in our homes a little longer, (Thank you, COVID-19.) maybe now is an appropriate time for evaluation. Are we satisfied with the state of our lives? Do we need to take a hard look at our priorities? Should we trim some good items so we can excel? Are we ready to make some uncomfortable but necessary choices? If so, how?

Uninvite

We are highly influenced by the people who surround us. They can determine the quality and direction of our lives; much like the wind influences a sailboat. People treat us the way we let them, so let’s make respect one of our boundaries. Let’s be intentional about networking with positive people who have standards we admire. Let’s treat coworkers the way we want to be treated and associate with those who reciprocate. This can be hard. We don’t always have the luxury of choosing whom we work with and our emotions can get in the way, but let’s not reward bad behavior (e.g., our opinions and/or feelings are ignored). If a team mate consistently gossips in the break room, shoves her busy work on us, or complains about how she never gets high-profile assignments, it’s time to uninvite her from our projects.

Untie

Time flies when we’re making a living. In our efforts to keep moving forward, we neglect to stop and assess where we are, what has changed, and how outdated thinking may be holding us back. Do we believe we can’t do something just because we’ve never tried it? Thanks to technology, what was unthinkable 10 years ago is now normal. (Think Lyft, Instagram, Amazon Echo) Are we making choices based on what our circumstances were then? We can’t use the same decision making criteria on our first full-time job that we used in college. We can’t use the same criteria as a spouse that we used when we were single. We can’t use the same criteria as a parent that we used before children, but we can untie ourselves from the past by using a filter like: Is it worth my T.E.A.M.?

Unexpected

We can’t predict there is anything better than what we have now and we don’t realize we’re settling for good. Going for more requires change and we don’t like what we can’t expect. Maybe we start by asking ourselves what we do better than anyone else. If we don’t know, we can ask a friend or trusted coworker. We’re usually counseled to build up our weaknesses in order to succeed, but I think we should spend more time cultivating our strengths. Getting less weak at something takes more time, energy, and attention (for marginal improvement) than getting better at something we’re already good at. Let’s stop binging Tiger King and read a leadership book, listen to an industry podcast, or take an online class.

What are some good things you need to eliminate to make room in your life to pursue great things?

Financial Fidelity

Before we marry we discuss money: Am I a saver? Are you a spender? How much income do we need to live comfortably? But after a year or so, we conveniently forget these well intended discussions because life happens. We discussed what we’d do in a perfect world, but we live in an imperfect one. We can’t predict the future and we change our minds. Since opposites attract, it’s much more likely we have very different attitudes toward money; mostly thanks to the way we were raised and how our parents managed it. We can’t agree to terms at the beginning of the marriage and not ever talk about money again. Finances are a recurring conversation.

Listen

We need to set a limit we both consider large and not spend over that amount without discussing it with our spouses. When our partner comes to us wanting to make an expensive purchase, we shouldn’t immediately say no. We should listen to why they want to buy. It’s rarely about the purchase. It’s about how the purchase will make them feel.

Boundaries

Pinching pennies too hard is as harmful to our relationships as spending too much on luxury items. Whether it’s: living debt free, having an emergency fund, tuition saved, and building retirement funds, or two vacations per year, luxury car, designer clothes, eating out every week, and monthly concert tickets; compromise is key. You want a Jaguar, but a Honda will get you to work. He wants a $2000 emergency fund, but $1000 will suffice. It helps to quantify both spending and saving. No one wants to feel deprived.

Transparency

Speaking of not feeling deprived, we need to agree to set aside a bit of disposable income we’re free to spend on ourselves without obtaining permission from our mates. These are not secret accounts. We should not hide what we do with money. It’s lying and will cause us to break our spouse’s trust. It’s cheating, much like being sexually unfaithful is cheating, and is easily revealed. Our transactions are all tracked and available online (but that’s a whole ‘nuther post). Each partner should keep an eye on the joint finances. If we have separate accounts, we should make information on those accounts available to our spouses (e.g. ask if they want to see the monthly statement; not necessarily give them access to the funds).

The whole two-becoming-one thing is a push and pull of give and take to make a whole new third identity out of two people. Sometimes we want to do what we want to do and we don’t want our spouse to have a vote in the decision. But since the traditional wedding vows say, “for richer or for poorer,” when our behavior impacts that status, we have to inform our mate. It’s no longer a matter of money, it’s a matter of trust.

How do you and your spouse compromise on money decisions? Please share in the comments section.

Die Hard

B2B cold calling is a hot button. Sales professionals have strong opinions and compelling arguments both for and against it. 2019 data says it doesn’t generate business 90% of the time and it takes six hours of calling to set one appointment, (which may not lead to revenue, btw) but companies who didn’t do it grew 42% less than companies who did. Everyone agrees it’s a huge time waster and isn’t the best way to attract clients, but most also say to do it. Not helpful. What are some of the problems and how can we solve them?

Problems:

It’s outdated

Invented by fellow Daytonian John Patterson to sell his cash registers in 1873, cold calling is no longer novel and it’s developed a bad reputation. It’s considered selling, but isn’t it just hunting? We call a stranger and try to ferret out if they need what we have. I interrupt someone’s work to pitch my company. Is this the first impression I want anyone to have about us?

No Gatekeepers

With companies phasing out admins, decision makers have to answer their own phones and they usually just don’t. They get so many sales robo-calls, they don’t consider it rude to hang up on us. People would rather receive texts than calls. They’d rather receive emails than texts. They’d rather ignore all three.

Buying has changed

The seller used to be in control of the information the buyer needed. Thanks to technology, information is available at decision makers’ fingertips. Customers prefer to check our websites, Google us for reviews, and talk to people we’ve worked with to find out if they want us. Customers want personal service from trustworthy local businesses. They want to discover us and enlist our help in solving their problems.

Solutions:

Qualified leads

Narrowing down not only the companies we contact but also the appropriate personnel is crucial. It saves time and puts us in contact with the person who knows if their business has problems we can solve. This is a big deal and big business. There are a ton of companies who supply sales leads.

Inbound marketing

If we analyze our data and determine what our customers have in common, we can reach out to similar businesses through our websites and social media channels. We can attract those who need us by demonstrating who we are and what we do. We can earn clients’ trust by giving them content they can use. We can establish ourselves as the SME to solve potential clients’ problems, then invite them into conversation.

Develop relationships

Let’s make friends now, so people know and trust us in the future. If we can do someone a favor, we should; even though there’s no revenue in it for us. We never know who a potential client is and “Bacon’s Law” is real. We can like and/or comment on new acquaintances’ social media posts. We can send them emails with helpful content (e.g., an article regarding an industry trend) without including a sales pitch.

When we can’t find businesses who need us, is picking up the phone and calling random companies the answer, because at least we’re doing something? What do you think? Please share in the comments section.

Quittin’ Time

Are you a quitter?

You like your job, but you no longer love it. You’ve got a good thing going, but an opportunity is knocking with the potential to be great. You don’t have enough reasons to stay put, but loyalty to the company keeps you from making a career move. You don’t want to be seen as a quitter. We equate quitters with failure, but walking away from a job that no longer aligns with your values makes you smart; not a quitter. Your ambition is a good thing and it takes courage to pursue work you really want and not settle for a job that’s no longer working for you. Do an ROI analysis of your job annually (e.g., performance review time) and react as objectively as possible. Give yourself permission to go after what you want.

Exit Strategy

You’ve accepted another job. Now what? Let’s talk basics: Get your ducks in a row with the new employer (e.g., your benefits package is in order, you have a copy of your signed contract, you’ve agreed on a start date, etc.) before saying anything to anyone at your current company, even your work bestie. The first person you tell is your manager. If you don’t have regular 1:1s, request one. Make sure this meeting is at least two weeks before the start date of your new job. Go to it with a resignation letter framed as a thank-you note with these elements: gratitude for the opportunities the company and your manager gave you, a diplomatic statement of why you’re leaving (e.g., “I’ve grown all I can with this company.”) and the date of your desired last day. While a two week notice is standard, be aware that you may be asked to leave immediately. Or, to stay longer than two weeks to wrap up loose ends and/or train your replacement. Bring a succession plan to this meeting: a list of your responsibilities and suggestions for who is qualified to take them over. Try to work out a who-needs-to-know-when timetable you can agree on, but ultimately your manager gets to decide. Have a tactful elevator-speech-length story ready to tell your coworkers when they ask why you’re leaving.

It’s a small world after all.

Chances are good you’ll need a reference from your manager or you’ll run into coworkers at networking events so don’t speak negatively about the company. Keep your attitude professional and set up the coworkers who assume your responsibilities for success (e.g., type up a status report of the projects you’re working on, introduce them to your clients via email, offer to be available via phone or email after you leave). Keep it classy even after you turn in your keys. Announce on your social media platforms that you’ve accepted another position, but be sure to publicly thank the company you left for preparing you for this new opportunity.

Have you ever felt conflicted leaving a job? Please share in the comments section.

LinkedIn is a Thing

I don’t know what my face looks like when I ask someone to connect and they say, “I don’t do LinkedIn,” but from their reactions, it’s not pretty. I’m surprised at the number of people who say they either don’t use the platform or they have a profile but don’t check it. When I ask why, they usually say it’s not worth their time. The honest people say they find it intimidating. With the volatility of the job market, we have to be open to opportunity. Even if you love your job, and don’t intend to leave it, it could leave you. Multiple income streams from both side gigs and passive income are smart strategies for securing your financial future and LinkedIn can help you find those opportunities. Let’s talk about the basic things you should do to have a presence on LinkedIn.

The Basics

In 2017, 95% of recruiters polled used LinkedIn to find candidates. So at least fill out a profile. It’s free. If the task seems daunting, check out your friends’ profiles, especially if they do a job similar to yours, and follow their examples. In your headline and profile summary (the About section) use the keywords they use to describe themselves. Keywords are one of the tools recruiters use to find you. If you have a recent headshot, use it as your profile picture. If not, have someone take one. A professional is best, but a selfie works if the lighting is good and the background is plain. Don’t use a headshot that’s more than five years old. If you arrive at an interview looking older than your photo, you leave the impression you’re less than honest. Your background photo is tricky because of the required dimensions (1584 x 396 pixels) and the fact it needs to accommodate your headshot in the lower left third of the shot. But if you can find one for free (try Pexels) that depicts what you do, it will set your profile apart from users who just leave the default background up. You can use your resume to fill out the rest of the sections (Experience, Education, Licenses and Certifications, Volunteer Experience, Skills and Endorsements, Accomplishments, and Interests).

Some other things to do:

-Use the search function to connect with people at companies you want to work for then like and comment on their posts
-Follow the pages of companies you like
-After you make some connections, go through their connections and ask them to introduce you via LinkedIn’s group message feature or email. Then ask those mutual connections for coffee or an informational interview
-Position yourself as a thought leader in your industry by writing and publishing articles using LinkedIn’s article publishing feature
-Find articles pertinent to your industry then post them on your timeline using links and hashtags to share them with as many of the LinkedIn community as possible

LinkedIn is a conversation and conversations are supposed to be fun. It takes time and effort to get started, but once you do, staying active is easy.

How do you make LinkedIn work for you? Please share in the comments section.

Come Together

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Spendthrift loves Cheapskate

When couples argue over finances, money is almost never the real problem. It’s a symptom of the real problem. We learn about money as children. We didn’t analyze our parents’ bank statements when we were 10 years old, but we did experience where their money went. Did we live paycheck to paycheck? Did we go to Disney World every year? Did we donate to charitable organizations? If we got a bike for Christmas, we knew we had money. If the heat got turned off at Christmas, we knew we didn’t. These experiences influence our relationship with money. It’s common for couples to have vastly different opinions regarding money, while simultaneously assuming everyone else’s attitude toward it is the same as ours. Saver marries Spender oblivious our spouse’s financial philosophy will quickly drive us crazy, but couples overcome financial differences every day. As with most things in life, it’s all in the approach.

We Need to Talk

Saver and Spender should talk about money priorities at a time that is good for both and in a relaxed setting. We come to this date with a list of what is important to us to both spend money on and save money for. First, we figure out how much money we each make every month. Next, we go through the monthly bills (e.g., mortgage/rent, utilities, internet, phone, gas, groceries, etc.) and see how much we have to spend on these fixed expenses. Ideally, what we have to spend is less than what we make (If not, that’s a whole ‘nuther blog post).

The difference in those two figures is disposable income. This is the money we have to talk about. Does Saver like putting money in a savings account? Does Spender like to eat out? Agree on monthly limits for both. We also need to agree on an amount each can spend without the other’s blessing and we should set parameters on what qualifies as a big purchase (e.g., a car). The goal is for Saver to feel secure and Spender to not feel confined.

For additional comfort and freedom, we can open separate accounts in addition to our joint account. The joint account is for bill paying and each spouse can contribute proportional to our income. We define what purchases qualify as household expenses (e.g., child care) and pay those out of the joint account. Discretionary spending comes from the individual accounts.

We consider debt. How much are we comfortable with (e.g., credit card debt)? What are we willing to go in debt for (e.g., our children’s education)?

We ought to discuss saving and investment goals. Do we want to buy a house? Go on a month-long vacation? Retire early?

The more couples talk about money (how we spend it and why), the easier it gets. We aren’t just building our finances, we’re building our trust in each other.

How do you and your spouse deal with money issues? Please share in the comments section.

Movin’ on Up

Photo by Markus Spiske temporausch.com from Pexels

I arrange my office furniture around the electric outlets. Is that weird? Hear me out. There are a finite number of outlets in my office. I have to plug in two monitors, docks for two computers, speakers, coffee cup warmer, desk lamp, phone charger, and air freshener. I not only need at least one power strip, but also to place my desk along the wall with the most outlets. We can think of our careers in the same way. If we’re trying to advance, we must get close to those in power.

Identify the Elvis

You’ve discovered a team/department with whom you’d like to work. Before declaring your intentions, see what you can find out about their manager (i.e., the Elvis) through some harmless stalking. Does your company’s website have biographies or resumes of the leadership team? How about an organizational chart on its intraweb? Does the Elvis have a LinkedIn profile? Get to know the people who are important to him. Pay attention to who his go-to direct reports are. Ask yourself how you can provide value to him. You can start by helping out his team. Do the tasks they either don’t have time for or don’t like.

Business Development

Managers are supposed to help their employees develop professionally, but if your current manager is happy with your performance, she may be more interested in keeping you where you are. It’s a hassle to replace you. If you’ve learned everything there is to know about your own role and aren’t interested in moving to the next position in your job family, (or maybe that role is filled by someone who isn’t going anywhere) you’ll have to develop yourself. Ultimately, you are responsible for your advancement.

Knowledge is Power

Do some discreet reconnaissance. Find out what positions in your company are (or soon will be) available, get the required skills if you lack them, find out how other teams work together, and think about what unique abilities you can contribute. Remember to also consider your career trajectory. Is this a lateral move? Will you lose any benefits? Will this position look good on your resume?

Fake it ‘til You Make it

There’s nothing wrong with sitting in a meeting, nodding, smiling, and taking notes; then going to your office, shutting the door, and Googling all the jargon and acronyms used during the meeting. If I can’t manage to act like I know what someone is talking about, I ask follow up questions. I hope to demonstrate my desire to learn is stronger than my fear of everyone knowing how ignorant I am on the subject.

Confidence Begets Confidence

Dress for the next position you want, not the one you have. Speak kindly to everyone, from the CEO to the janitor. Stand up straight, put your phone down, and look coworkers in the eye. You’ll be remembered as a desirable team mate, promote your brand, and expand your network; all of which you need to keep moving up in your career.

What are you doing to get to the next level? Please share in the comments section.