Mardi Humphreys

Self-sufficient Social Security

The headline in our wealth manager’s newsletter read: “Almost Nine Out of Ten Women Qualify for Social Security on Their Own.” I wondered, “Why is this newsletter worthy?”

Milestone

More women enter the workforce every year. Since most people have to earn 40 credits to retire, you have to work (and pay into Social Security) for at least 10 years to qualify for retirement benefits. The fact that the percentage of women ages 62 to 64 who meet these requirements based on their own work records has risen 24% since 1980, means women are staying in the workforce long enough to earn their own benefits.

How it Works

There are three types of Social Security benefits: retirement, disability, and survivors. In a nutshell, when you are employed by an organization where the Social Security Administration (SSA) takes a percentage of your paycheck in taxes, it uses those wages to fund a program that distributes payments to retirees, the disabled, and their families who qualify. The assumption is eventually most Americans will qualify for Social Security and draw money from it. We’ll stick to retirement benefits for this conversation. To qualify for SSA retirement funds, you must reach your full retirement age, accumulate enough credits, and apply for it. Here is a good explanation of Social Security benefits.

What Women Should Know

Almost 55% of people receiving Social Security retirement benefits are women. Not only do women earn their own benefits, they can qualify for a spouse’s benefits. This is significant because women tend to live longer and earn less than their spouses. Social Security will not be as much money as your current paycheck. You can expect it to be about 40% of what you’re currently earning. Social Security should only be part of your retirement plan. You can use it as a foundation to build on. If your employer offers a 401(k) (or a 403(b)) plan, you should participate. If your employer contributes to it as well as invests a percentage of your paycheck for you, contribute at least as much as they do and increase your percentage beyond their contribution every year. It would also be wise to open an Individual Retirement Account (IRA). The current rule of thumb is saving 15% of your income for retirement. Three sources of retirement income seems like overkill, but a quick Google search indicates a nest egg of $1,000,000 will only last 19 years in retirement. Social Security benefits last until you die, but you won’t receive the same amount throughout your retirement. Payments are made monthly and usually by direct deposit. Every year, the SSA considers adjusting retirees’ payments for inflation and decides whether or not it will increase them to reflect the cost of living. The SSA has explanations for how changing your name, becoming disabled, or divorced or widowed affects your social security benefits. You can read about it here.

The increase in women who earn their own Social Security benefits means more people are paying into the program. It also means more people intend to be paid from it. Could this be an incentive to prompt thinking on how we can empower more women to stay in the workforce so Social Security can sustain funds?

What do you think? Please share your opinion in the comments section.

I Wish I’d Known

“Mom had made sure we were exposed to ideas and information that were not available to her as a young woman.” Brene Brown, Rising Strong

When I ran across that quote, it reminded me there are umpteen things I want my daughter to know about work because she’s a woman. Here are three.

Assertive and Likable

If you intend to be a leader, that violates current gender stereotypes. Research shows when a woman’s behavior violates gender stereotypes, it’s harder for her to advance in the organization. At my first full-time job, a male coworker chuckled at me, “Stop working so hard. You’re making the rest of us look bad.” The very behavior that could put me on a leadership path, made him uncomfortable. I navigated this by asking for help and including others (particularly male colleagues) when making decisions. To get promoted, I had to be both assertive and likable and that is not easy. Unfortunately, the business world hasn’t changed much.

Work-life Balance

If your job is building dependent (e.g., hospital, school, grocery), you have a better shot at work-life balance because you leave your work at the building. But you may be putting in more hours there keeping up with the demands of COVID-19, particularly if you work a frontline job. The pandemic revealed plenty of jobs aren’t tied to a specific building and can be done any time of day, blurring the line between work and home. As a woman, the work-life balancing act is more difficult thanks to stereotypical gender roles. The term work-life balance has a negative connotation, as if work isn’t part of your life. I suggest you strive for work-life integration. Pre-pandemic, this worked particularly well for those who have control over how and where they spend their workday. COVID-19 forced more employers to not only allow employees to work remotely, but also consider the possibility of making remote work a permanent option. Consequently, you have more opportunity to shape your day now than ever before and for the foreseeable future. It’s easy to go overboard and work too much, and there will be times when work is slow and life demands more of your attention. But if you create a schedule, coordinate with your partner and kids, unplug regularly to intentionally rest, work-life integration is more practical than work-life balance.

Own Your Success

In school, you work hard and get noticed. That doesn’t happen in the workforce. You have to promote yourself. First, internalize the fact you earned the right to recognition. We tend to remember our failures better than our successes, so keep a running list of your wins (e.g., attained goals set in your last performance review, clients you’ve landed, the number of clicks on the page you created for the company’s website). Second, accept compliments. Women are famous for diluting our achievements. We attribute our success to luck or we overshare credit. You work hard; accept recognition for it. This is not bragging. Just say thank you. Express gratitude for the contributions of coworkers who helped you, but don’t exaggerate their efforts and underestimate yours.

What advice do you give your daughters about work? Please share in the comments section.

A Mind at Work

I got offended at work. I sought clarity from a couple outsiders. Both suggested I check my ego. Turns out, ego doesn’t always mean liking ourselves too much. Do you know ego also causes us to stay quiet to protect ourselves from perceived harm?

Fight or Flight

The fight or flight response kicks in whenever our sense of self is challenged. If we find our identity in our job and we’re asked to do something that’s not our job, (e.g., a CEO asked to serve coffee at a board meeting) our boundary is crossed and fight or flight activates. This could look like getting defensive, “I’m the CEO, not the barista.” Or, allowing the breach, “Do you want cream and sugar?” Ego can convince us to do things that undermine our success. For example: If I binge watch Hulu the night before a webinar instead of rehearsing, when I deliver a lousy presentation, I can blame Hulu instead of acknowledging my failure. If I give a lousy presentation, it’s unlikely I’ll be asked to give another one, thus preventing the possibility of future failure. Ego mitigates risk for us to protect our self-esteem, but that protection may deny us opportunity for future success.

Ego or Calling

Both feed ambition, produce comparable results, and spur us to work hard. Is calling healthy and ego not? Actually, they need to work together. Ego is our mind’s bodyguard. It protects us from worrying so much about what others think that we’re too paralyzed to make decisions. It’s the version of ourselves everyone sees. But its operating system is based on fear. Its tone is urgent, implying something bad will happen if we stop hammering away at the project. Ego needs to be balanced by calling. Calling is our authentic self. It whispers reminders of what we care about and encourages us to see our work through its filter.

Asset or Liability

The boss wants employees who get things done. She’s likely too busy with her own responsibilities to monitor ours. How will she know we do good work unless we tell her? Ego can help us track when we go above and beyond our job descriptions, especially when those efforts pay off big time for the company. This is not bragging. This is owning the fruits of our labor. If we have regular 1:1s with our managers, that is the time to shine, but if not, we can draw on ego to prepare a list for the next performance review. This is also a good time to use ego to inform our supervisors of our career development intentions. Going for a promotion? Use ego to voice that desire. It can help us illustrate how we already fulfill the responsibilities of the next title on the company’s career path.

Ego is a powerful tool and we need to wield it for good. If we can recognize when we’re in a situation that triggers ego, we can stop and question why. Then use it to navigate the situation. Do we need ego to cheerlead? (“I can do this hard thing.”) Or do we need it to go back in the tool box? (“I can let my team help me do this hard thing, and share the credit.”)

How have you focused your ego lately? Please share you story in the comments section.

Tick Tock Your Life is a Clock

You don’t have to make sweeping changes to the way you work to be more productive. COVID-19 has already brought sweeping changes to the way you work. Whether you are back in the office or still remote, little tweaks to your processes can have big results by the end of the week.

Concentrate

Multitasking is a myth. Even if you only spend five minutes concentrating on one task, you’ll get it done faster. You can’t prevent interruptions, but you can minimize distractions like silencing your phone and putting it out of reach so you can’t hear the social media notifications going off. Be proactive and don’t instantly react. Let the phone call go to voicemail. Let the email that just arrived sit in the inbox. Refuse the ad hoc meeting. Turn off instant message. Mute the computer. Are you a procrastinator? If your manager does not do regular accountability meetings, assign yourself project deadlines and write up your own weekly status reports. Take the last half hour of the day to determine what can be put off until tomorrow. The list should be both specific and realistic. For example: achieving inbox zero is not an acceptable task. Return Boss’s email regarding corporate holiday gifts, is. Calendar tasks that are important, but not urgent for times in your day you can count on having a quiet space in which to work.

Control

Most of us are really bad at estimating the passage of time. Keep track of how much you actually spend on tasks, including checking social media. An app may help. If the task is something you can do in less than five minutes, do it. Is there a task you’ve been dreading? Do it first and get it over with. When you receive a meeting request, ask yourself if your presence is necessary. Can you request an email summary or delegate someone else to attend? Speaking of email, most of it is someone adding a task to our list. Check your inbox at regular intervals. (Because you’ve muted the notification, right?) As soon as you log on, reply to every message that takes no more than two minutes to answer. If the message takes longer, write a rough draft, but don’t send it. A couple of hours later, refine it, and send it if you’re satisfied, then, repeat the process with the emails that arrived during that time. Schedule tasks according to when you feel most alert. Do deep work when you have the most brain power and routine tasks when you have the least.Take a break. Get up and stretch, walk around the block, or check social media. Change your scenery. Going outside or even just to a different room can boost your productivity.

You will get distracted and you will get mad at yourself for it. Forgive yourself and move on. Don’t overthink. Complete is greater than perfect. Do it. Leave it. Return to it. When all you’re changing are nitpicky details, submit it.

What are your productivity tips? Please share them in the comments section.

Shop Smart

Another stimulus check may (or may not) be coming. Stores are reopening and we’re bored in the house. This combination is dangerous because it gives us opportunities to spend money we either don’t have or can’t afford to waste. With the end of the pandemic nowhere in sight, the impact on our finances is really just beginning, yet we want to support the economy. What can we do to be smart shoppers?

Food

Make a grocery list and stick to it. If the store’s displays are just too tempting, shop the store online and use their pickup or delivery service.
Download the store’s app and activate their loyalty card.
Download the store’s coupons, but only for items we regularly use.
Wait for sales on the items for which we’ve downloaded coupons.
Eat before grocery shopping. This makes a huge difference for me. Walking through the bakery (or the valley of the shadow of death, as I like to call it) isn’t nearly as tempting on a full stomach as it is on an empty one.
Recognize some food manufacturers are playing sleight of hand with us. For example, the brand of chicken wings we buy used to put a dozen hot wings in a bag. Now, the price is the same, but there are nine wings in the bag.

Clothing

Shop Goodwill, Salvation Army, and local thrift stores.
Opt for classic pieces instead of trendy. I found this suit and loved it in cobalt blue, but it was also available in black. Guess which color I purchased. Yep. I’m more confident a black suit will still be in style next year than I am about a cobalt blue one.
Wait to purchase until the end of a season. Swimsuits are cheaper at the end of July; winter coats are cheaper in March.
Leave items in our online carts for 24 hours. This cooling off period allows us to contemplate whether we really need the merchandise. When I do this, some retailers email me a reminder I still have items in my cart and offer a discount to entice me to finish the transaction.

Shelter

Borrow maintenance equipment we need for one-time only use; think a ladder or steam cleaner.
For items we’ll use more often, check a price comparison app before purchasing.
Think about how often we use something. For example, when it’s time to replace my coffee pot, I go for quality because we use it every day, then, I look at the price. It’s cheaper to invest in a well-made product than frequently replace an ill-made one. Since I don’t drink tea every day, I purchased a cheap electric kettle.

When in doubt, we shouldn’t spend money right now. If we can live without the items, let’s do. There will always be fun stuff to spend money on. Self care: yes, Treat yo self: not right now.

How do you practice shopping smart these days? Please share your tips in the comments section.

Stress Fractures

My husband and I took a walk. As we cut through an apartment complex parking lot, I pointed to some cracks in the asphalt. “Isn’t this relatively new?” I asked. “It’s less than two years old,” he said. “Those are stress fractures.” That is the perfect way to describe my psyche right now. COVID-19 feels like death by 1000 paper cuts. Every setback stings, but the wound isn’t deep enough to kill. The entire planet is in a strange kind of war. The enemy is a virus we can’t see with the naked eye and everyday it torturously takes something or someone away from us. To fight this enemy, it may be time to employ survival psychology. We can start with the advice of someone who has fought in a more traditional kind of war: Admiral James Stockdale.

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end-which you can never afford to lose-with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” – James Stockdale

That is the crux of the Stockdale Paradox. Introduced by Jim Collins in his book Good to Great, the Stockdale Paradox is the mindset the admiral developed while he was a POW for over seven years during the Vietnam War. Stockdale was the highest-ranking United States military officer held in the Hanoi Hilton. He had other prisoners to lead. He was tortured over 20 times. He had no set release date. He survived by blending hard pragmatism with unwavering hope for the future. Here is more of his story.

Problem:

Our current problems are epic: the pandemic, global racial unrest, the weather is threatening all over the planet, the global economy showing signs of disintegrating. We talk about a vaccine like it’s going to rescue us and magically return the world to our pre-COVID-19 state; but the people, places, and things we’ve lost since March are not coming back. We have to adjust to the new abnormal. But how do we develop a mindset that keeps us going?

Solution:

The Stockdale Paradox has two directives: have faith we will prevail in the end and discipline to face the facts of our current reality. Here are some ways we can practice it.

Faith – the pandemic will end; discipline – doing our part (e.g., wearing masks in public, social distancing, etc.) to keep each other safe until it does.
Faith – people of all colors can work together; discipline – we can encourage, listen, and learn from difficult conversations.
Faith – we can slow climate change; discipline – unplugging our computers when not in use.
Faith – we can survive an economic recession; discipline – only use our emergency funds for legitimate emergencies.

Result:

Notice the Stockdale Paradox doesn’t espouse optimism. Admiral Stockdale said the optimists were the ones who did not make it out of the Hanoi Hilton alive. You can read about that here. Managing both of the instructions in the Stockdale Paradox results in hope. If we hope for the best and prepare for the worst, we can give and receive compassion, support, and community. It’s uncomfortable, but we can do this.

How are you keeping hope alive? Please share in the comments section.

Crumbs From Your Table

We’re celebrating Labor Day weekend, the national holiday acknowledging the contribution of American workers to the innovation, development, and strength of our economy. But not everyone who would like to be employed right now is thanks to COVID 19. And some employers are making the job search increasingly difficult by using a deception called breadcrumbing.

What Is It?

Typically associated with romantic relationships, breadcrumbing gained traction in business vocabulary during COVID-19. It’s when someone stays in contact just enough to keep us hanging onto hope for a relationship. In terms of job seeking, the company we interviewed with says it wants us, but keeps insisting it needs a little more time to make a decision.

What Does It Look Like?

I’ve attended two networking events during the past month where two job seekers, both furloughed by the pandemic, said potential employers are flirting with them, but seem to have no intention of hiring. One attendee said she’s applied for 75 positions since March, and only heard back from two or three. She doesn’t believe the other 70+ were interviewing or actively hiring. The other attendee said she’s also applied for several positions, and most of her results went like this: She gets notified a job has just been posted. She applies the same day. Two days later she gets a “We’ve gone with someone else” email. How can the company have made that decision within 48 hours? She suspects the job may not actually exist yet, and companies are either just fishing or amassing a pool of applicants for post-COVID-19 hires. Both job seekers are struggling with how demotivating this makes their searches.

What Is Going On?

In real estate terms, it’s a buyer’s market. There are more workers than jobs, so companies have the luxury of developing a roster. But other factors could be at play; HR may be holding things up. Payroll budgets may be getting tweaked; especially if the company is hiring for multiple positions. If the hiring manager and HR aren’t communicating about the hiring process, it will take longer. If the company has a policy of posting open positions externally, they may interview to fulfill the policy, while actually intending to hire an existing internal candidate. Maybe the company is trying to figure out what department the candidate will fit, the best role isn’t open, or it’s waiting to see if someone more qualified applies. Maybe the company is just plain disorganized.

What Can We Do?

Respectfully call out the hiring manager. “Our interview was two weeks ago. I have the impression the company is still interested, as am I, but I’m considering other offers. Can you please give me some idea of how close the company is to selecting a candidate?” Otherwise: network, network, network. It’s one of the best ways to vet job openings. Use LinkedIn contacts. Look for Zoom networking events as well as in person. Join groups. There are plenty to choose from. There are groups on social media (Facebook and LinkedIn come immediately to mind). There are industry groups (e.g., IT, manufacturing, sales, etc). There are special interest groups (e.g. Women in Business Networking, Chambers of Commerce), and Alumni groups.

Personally, I’ve connected friends seeking jobs with people in my networking groups who have open positions. If you are looking for employment, please direct message me. I’m happy to help.

Have you been breadcrumbed? Please share your story in the comments section.

The Right Blend

When I purchase a coffee mug, it has to meet very specific requirements. It must hold (about) eight fluid ounces, be dishwasher and microwave safe, have a large(ish) handle, designed on both sides, and fit on my mug warmer. Building a project team is a lot like looking for the perfect coffee mug.

The Right Size

If my mug is too large, the coffee gets cold before I can drink it all. If it’s too small, I spend too much time refilling it. Likewise, if the team is too large, we have too many voices, opinions, and egos to manage. If it’s too small, we don’t have enough diversity of thought. We need various races, genders, ages, etc. represented on our teams.

Dishwasher and Microwave Safe

I’m not hand washing coffee mugs and I need to be able to reheat my coffee once it’s in the mug. Team meetings can be like dishwashers and microwave ovens; they can get hot. Meetings are for discussion and debate. When someone presents a concept, they are both invested in it, and in a vulnerable position presenting it. Rudely shooting it down (or not stepping in when a coworker does) is not an option if we want that team member to keep bringing ideas to meetings. Establishing a rule for kind and constructive feedback at the first meeting can create an environment where the team feels safe sharing.

A Handle on it

I need fairly large handles on my coffee mugs so I can control them. I need teammates with fairly large handles on their emotions for the same reason. Work can be a pressure cooker. Shouting, blame-shifting, and gossip are counter productive to problem solving. When we choose team members, we should consider people who have demonstrated emotional intelligence.

Designed on Both Sides

I like a mug that looks the same no matter which hand I hold it in. If it doesn’t, it feels unbalanced. A team should also be designed for balance. Consistently communicating goals and KPIs helps. In other words, where are we going, how are we getting there, and when do we know we’ve arrived? We not only need a communication loop with our teams, but they also need to communicate with each other. Well-designed communication includes plenty of modes for interaction: in person, teleconference, phone calls, texts, emails; and not just about the task at hand. Making time to find out more about each team member, (maybe an ice breaker to begin a team meeting, or a casual team lunch off site, or a team virtual coffee talk) bonds the team. We want the people we like to succeed. It makes sense to like the people on our team.

Fits the Warmer

When choosing a new coffee mug, the bottom must be less than 3 1/4” in diameter so it fits my mug warmer. When assembling a team, the people must fit the work and each other. What is the job description? What skills do our current teammates possess? What skills do we need? What temperaments need balanced? Is the team diverse? We should assess the culture and look for someone who will not only be comfortable in it, but contribute to it.

A good team, like a good coffee mug, meets the goals we’ve set and if we take care of it, can last for years.

What’s your framework for building a good team? Please share in the comments section.

Financial Infidelity

Back in March, we discussed financial fidelity. In the section on transparency, I alluded to the fact that hiding money from our spouses is cheating, but that was a whole ‘nuther post. Well, here it is.

As of January 2020, 44% of Americans with joint finances, cheated on our spouses with money. Anything hidden is considered cheating. For example: secret bank accounts (savings or checking), secret lottery winnings, secret debt (credit cards, loans), lost our job but acting like we didn’t, or spending money on an expensive item without discussion, can all be considered breaches of faith. Here are some behavioral tells to watch for: our spouse insists on paying all the bills, won’t divulge account logins, refuses to discuss money, or argues about spending large sums.

Why the deception?

Control: revenge spending
Guilt: knowing the spending was irresponsible
Fear: afraid of spouse’s reaction if discovered
Conflict Avoidance: we want something our spouse will object to

What’s the harm?

Lying about finances causes arguments, distrust, and can end the relationship. If we lie about money, what else will we lie about? Hiding money only delays the inevitable conversation about motive. If concealing debt is the issue, it could affect both spouses’s employment. Hiring managers check credit scores as part of the interview process. We shouldn’t have to tell each other every time we buy a venti at Starbucks, but we can’t run up $50K in credit card bills and keep it a secret. That will undermine the whole relationship. Some states’ laws make our finances our spouses’ finances. If the relationship ends and one spouse is in debt, both live with the responsibility until the debts are paid.

How do we fix it?

If we are the cheated, put aside judgement, and ask about the feelings that led to the deceit. Financial infidelity is a symptom. The real problem in the relationship needs acknowledgement. If we are the cheater, be honest, apologize, and stop keeping secrets. To begin, we can talk about tolerance. Can we spend $500 without asking? Can we divert $100 a week from our joint checking account to a private savings account? Our partner needs to know our motivation for having a separate account. Do we want to save up so we can spend money however we want without asking, or are we secretly saving up for a divorce? (In some states it’s illegal to hide money during a divorce, btw.) We don’t have to give our spouses access to this account, but they should know how much is in it because it’s a factor in our financial decision making. Define long term savings goals together like the children’s education, a new car, or retirement, and both commit to working toward them. When we want something that will impact those goals, it’s time for another discussion. We should revisit savings goals once a year. Maybe during tax season since it’s a logical time to talk about finances. When we get into this habit, as the years pass, it gets easier to talk to our spouses about money.

Money is a major stressor in a relationship and talking about it can quickly turn into arguing about it which makes you avoid talking about it. But keeping secrets is usually a waste of your T.E.A.M. If we don’t talk to our partners about money, we’ll never figure out how to work together to manage and maximize it.

How do you broach the subject of money in your relationship? Please share in the comments section.

Multitasking = Multidistracting

Humans were never meant to multitask; that’s a computer’s job. The word was invented in 1965 referring to an IBM computer’s capabilities. We aren’t talking about listening to a podcast while on a run here. More like texting while driving a car. Have you been forced to multitask more than usual as we shelter from home during the Coronapocolypse? Answering email while home schooling while folding laundry during a teleconference, perhaps?

What we think of as multitasking (doing multiple tasks simultaneously) in reality, is task switching (doing multiple tasks in rapid succession). If we make a habit of task switching, we lose the ability to focus. If we lose the ability to focus, we lose the ability to learn. Multitasking robs us of the ability to separate relevant information from irrelevant details. It negatively impacts short term memory; the brain’s clipboard. Also known as working memory, it’s the brain’s power to contain and shape information for a limited time. It’s the foundation for all thought processes; from memorizing your spouse’s favorite Chipotle order to learning how to code. The data suggests it takes longer to finish multiple tasks and we make more mistakes than if we pay attention to each task individually. Habitually shifting our focus is mentally exhausting and makes us 40% less productive. Eventually the attention drag will burn us out.

Distractions like email and instant messages slow us down. It’s hard to avoid the temptation of the relentless barrage of information, but we’re probably fooling ourselves if we think we’re good at multitasking; 98% of us aren’t. Best practice is to focus on one thing at a time for a certain period of time; maybe try the Pomodoro Technique and guard that time as sacred. It will be difficult, but unless someone is bleeding, on fire, or hurt, no interruptions are allowed. When we can focus, get into a flow, and accomplish something, it lowers our stress. This means saying no to everything that is not the most important thing at the time. This seems limiting given everything we need to get done, but it actually allows us to employ Parkinson’s Law and be more productive. The word “priority” means one thing. Priorities is a made up word to indicate everything is important and must get done. (If your manager insists on using the word priorities, and suggests everything needs to be done right now, it’s time tor a 1:1.) What is the one thing that must get done today? That is the priority and we must give it our full attention. It’s non-negotiable. The work day revolves around it.

We can’t eliminate all of life’s interruptions, particularly if everyone is doing everything from home. Clients will have emergencies, technology will fail, our partners, children, fur babies, neighbors, (etc.) will need our immediate attention at some point during our work day. But we need to try to concentrate on doing one thing at a time as often as possible. Our mental health depends on it.

What strategy do you use to monotask? Please share it in the comments section.