Mardi Humphreys

Going the (Physical) Distance

Even we introverts are over this whole sheltering-at-home sequestration. Boredom has officially set in. The value of teachers, the healthcare workforce, truckers, and sanitation engineers is proved. The struggle with guilt is real. We’re asked to stay home with our snacks, entertainment, and stimulus checks, but we want to be out with our friends. We feel survivors’ guilt working from home (WFH) while 1 out of 10 other people in America have lost their jobs thanks to COVID-19. Instead of pining for what we can’t have, let’s give attention to what we can do.

Each Other

Let’s take a break from supervising our children’s online learning, WFH, cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc., and make virtual coffee dates with our families and play virtual games with our friends. It gives us peace of mind to see our loved ones safe and healthy. By the way, we have to initiate these. I posted offers on my social media for all comers to hang out and no one took me up on them. But, when I invited specific people to meet, they all accepted. This also goes for networking. Is there someone you want to connect with, but couldn’t pre-COVID-19? Plenty of people are now open to spending a few minutes on a meet and greet teleconference. Everyone just wants to know there’s life out there.

Emotions

Are you journaling more since sheltering at home? It’s good to empty our heads of negative thoughts and drag them into the light where we can see them more objectively. Our fear of the future can be analyzed. Our guilt over whining about WFH while our friends are furloughed may be admitted. Our anger sparked by the abrupt annihilation of our routines has a place to go. Then, we can deliberately relieve these negative emotions with positive actions. (E.g., help your first grader write a thank you note to his teacher for adapting to an online classroom.) In a few months we can revisit these journals and determine if we developed habits in quarantine worth keeping.

Envision

We can start thinking about life after lock down. We can update our resumes and LinkedIn profiles. We can touch base with warm contacts. Networking is easier right now because COVID-19 gives all of us something to talk about. We can plan a vacation for October, make a menu for Thanksgiving dinner, and start a Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa gift list. We can think about what scheduling adjustments we want to keep, what lessons we’ve learned, and what technology we need to implement to improve our future work life balance.

My late maternal grandmother was famous for the catch phrase, “This too shall pass.” I hear it a whole lot these days, which is good. It’s a statement of hope. The world will probably never go back to the way it was before the pandemic, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But right now, let’s focus on helping each other get through today.

How are you encouraging hope during the pandemic? Please share in the comments section.

What Comes Next?

We talk about what we’ll do after COVID-19. What changes to work life will we keep? How has our perspective changed? How much weight will we have to lose? What will we do next? Like Inigo Montoya after he finally got revenge on Count Rugen, next can leave us feeling lost, bereft, or untethered. Fortunately, Westley had a goal to offer him, but since the position of The Dread Pirate Roberts is currently unavailable, what should we do after we’ve reached a goal?

Celebrate

We can take a break and pat ourselves on the back, but let’s put a time limit on the celebration; somewhere between the length of a nice dinner and a week’s vacation. We should thank everyone who contributed to reaching the goal; especially those whose help we’ll need to reach future ones. We could reward ourselves with a gift card to a local business (e.g., coffee shop, independent bookstore, salon). That would both support a small business struggling to survive COVID-19 and give us something to look forward to.

Reflect

We should push pause and ponder. What did we do right? What could we improve? How do we maintain this new level? Who helped us get here? When in the process did we mess up and why? Where can we put triggers in that process to prevent mistakes from happening again? What is our next logical goal? The answers to these questions give us data to analyze. We can use this for refining our process and determining metrics.

Another one

Do we go after a bigger client? Start grad school? Lose another 10 lbs? If we have simultaneous goals set in different areas of our lives, when we achieve one, we have another one to work on. This helps us maintain dopamine levels to stay motivated and avoid the arrival fallacy (A theory introduced by Tal Ben-Shahar). Another option is to come up with a two (or five or ten) year plan so once we reach our current goal, we can immediately start on the next one even if it’s a preliminary activity (i.e., research, gather materials, etc). If looking that far down the road doesn’t make sense, we could set both short term goals (e.g., be the team leader on the next project) and long term goals (e.g., get promoted next year). When we achieve the short term goal, we could focus our energy on the long term goal while setting another short term one.

Help others

Is it time to be a mentor? Teaching someone else a skill we just learned reinforces it for us. We could also share what we learned by writing a white paper or case study and posting it on our companies’ websites.

Remember Why

We can achieve goal after goal, but still feel unfulfilled. If this happens, stop and ask, “What do I want to do with my life?” Do we want to end domestic violence? Affect climate change? Make sure every dog has a home? When we determine what we want our world to look like, we can align our goals with our life’s purpose and make that world a reality.

What comes next for you? Please share in the comments section.

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

Sheltering at home has made me lose all track of time. COVID-19 didn’t take my job, so working from home means I’m always at work. I stress over emails. Do I ignore them outside regular office hours? Do I answer them because I’m bored? If I reply, does that set a precedent to answer email 24/7 when this is over? Where are my boundaries? I’m struggling with distraction, overthinking, and TMI. Do you feel the same? Here are some things we can do to exercise a bit of control over our time.

The Obvious

We know what we should do, let’s just do it. Make a new routine. Get dressed. (Slippers? Yes. Day time pajamas? No.) Eat healthy. Move our bodies. Start work at the same time every day. Connect with our teams. (And not just about work; how are they coping emotionally?) Take breaks (suggestions: listen to a podcast, walk the dog, study with the kids). Quit at the same time every day. Don’t work seven days a week.

Encourage

Until in-person networking events resume, we can spend more time on LinkedIn. Let’s wish someone a happy birthday, like an article a connection posted, thank those in healthcare, grocery, and other essential critical infrastructure for their hard work. I’m concentrating on both cheer leading for my connections and amplifying those looking for work.

Practice the Tech

We have to learn how to teleconference, decipher how our kids’ elearning platform works, figure out how much bandwidth we need, and which entertainment streaming services to use. It’s okay to take our time experimenting with features and figuring out what works best. Let’s not beat ourselves up for not being immediate experts on the new technologies all coming at us at once.

Communicate

Everyone who lives in our residences are home ALL. THE. TIME. And everyone is confused. Let’s ask for help. Can we stagger online meetings? Can we claim our own private work/school space? Can we respect a do-not-disturb note on the door when we need to work uninterrupted? Can we tag team supervising online learning? When our spouse has a virtual meeting, can we take the kids outside for recess?

Be Kind

There’s plenty of opportunity right now. We can check on our parents. Ask our neighbor if she needs something from the store before we head out. Video chat with our bestie. Stick a piece of paper on the refrigerator and ask everyone in our home to write one thing they’re grateful for on it everyday. Investigate ways our company can volunteer (e.g., help the local food bank or give blood). Hug the people we live with and stay six feet away from everyone else.

With our normal structure blown up, I think we feel pressured to be productive so we can prove our worth. But I think the source of that pressure may be ourselves. Our employers ask us to use our time wisely and that’s a big enough goal during this pandemic.

What are you doing to take control of your time during isolation? Please share in the comments section.

Battered Budgets

The COVID-19 pandemic has the world at HPCON C. It’s assaulting every aspect of our lives especially our finances. Do NOT panic. Since the pandemic has blown up our budgets, we’re forced to take a long hard look at our expenses and ruthlessly cut out what isn’t necessary for survival. We’ll feel better if we take control and devise a plan. Let’s start by figuring out what our resources are and what we can do to bring in cash fast.

Do Something

Did we lose our jobs? Apply for unemployment ASAP. Benefits vary by state, most states have increased them for job loss due to COVID-19, and now they provide for the self-employed.
The good news is companies are hiring. The bad news is probably not for the positions we want. When this is over our willingness to pitch in during a crisis can help us stand out to hiring managers and get us promoted faster.
Our inboxes are overflowing with emails from our banks, utilities, and services offering safety nets. Are our banks deferring mortgages and loan payments? Are utilities assuring us they won’t cut off our electricity? Is satellite radio offering free entertainment? Let’s take advantage of the relief so we can temporarily divert funds to basics like diapers and formula.

Don’t do Anything

Let’s not turn to Amazon for retail therapy. We don’t need new clothes to couch surf.
It’s tempting to withdraw money from our 401ks in this emergency, but let’s resist the temptation. We’d not only have to play catch up paying it back, but there’s a 10% penalty for early withdrawal and we’d have to pay taxes on it. That’s three strikes.

Remember the Accounts we Usually Forget

Need healthcare? Let’s be sure to pay for it with our HSAs. Here’s a list of acceptable things on which to spend HSA funds.
The due date to file our tax returns is now July 15, but if we’re getting money back, let’s file now.
Do you have a cash back credit card? We have one that gives us a percentage back when we use it to purchase gas, groceries, or at restaurants. So we do because those are all things we’re still using during the Coronapocalypse.

Live Simply

How many streaming services (Netflix, Hulu, Disney +) do we really need?
While in place, we can clean our own shelters (cancel the cleaning service), cook our own meals (stop DoorDashing), and use the library’s online app for entertainment (no buying books, music, movies, etc.)
Let’s look at our monthly subscriptions (e.g., Stitch Fix, Blue Apron, Pickles Every Month Club). We probably don’t need most of them (or maybe any of them) right now.

Be Kind

Does someone owe us money? Now is not the time to collect.
Do we know someone who lost his job? Hyping him on our social media platforms and reaching out to people in our networks who are hiring doesn’t cost us money.

What are some adjustments you’ve made to your budget to get through COVID-19?

The Uns

James C. Collins coined the phrase, “Good is the enemy of great.” He suggests we have to remove some good things from our lives so we can focus attention on achieving bigger goals. Since we are stuck sheltering in our homes a little longer, (Thank you, COVID-19.) maybe now is an appropriate time for evaluation. Are we satisfied with the state of our lives? Do we need to take a hard look at our priorities? Should we trim some good items so we can excel? Are we ready to make some uncomfortable but necessary choices? If so, how?

Uninvite

We are highly influenced by the people who surround us. They can determine the quality and direction of our lives; much like the wind influences a sailboat. People treat us the way we let them, so let’s make respect one of our boundaries. Let’s be intentional about networking with positive people who have standards we admire. Let’s treat coworkers the way we want to be treated and associate with those who reciprocate. This can be hard. We don’t always have the luxury of choosing whom we work with and our emotions can get in the way, but let’s not reward bad behavior (e.g., our opinions and/or feelings are ignored). If a team mate consistently gossips in the break room, shoves her busy work on us, or complains about how she never gets high-profile assignments, it’s time to uninvite her from our projects.

Untie

Time flies when we’re making a living. In our efforts to keep moving forward, we neglect to stop and assess where we are, what has changed, and how outdated thinking may be holding us back. Do we believe we can’t do something just because we’ve never tried it? Thanks to technology, what was unthinkable 10 years ago is now normal. (Think Lyft, Instagram, Amazon Echo) Are we making choices based on what our circumstances were then? We can’t use the same decision making criteria on our first full-time job that we used in college. We can’t use the same criteria as a spouse that we used when we were single. We can’t use the same criteria as a parent that we used before children, but we can untie ourselves from the past by using a filter like: Is it worth my T.E.A.M.?

Unexpected

We can’t predict there is anything better than what we have now and we don’t realize we’re settling for good. Going for more requires change and we don’t like what we can’t expect. Maybe we start by asking ourselves what we do better than anyone else. If we don’t know, we can ask a friend or trusted coworker. We’re usually counseled to build up our weaknesses in order to succeed, but I think we should spend more time cultivating our strengths. Getting less weak at something takes more time, energy, and attention (for marginal improvement) than getting better at something we’re already good at. Let’s stop binging Tiger King and read a leadership book, listen to an industry podcast, or take an online class.

What are some good things you need to eliminate to make room in your life to pursue great things?

Here Comes the Judge

We judge situations and people every day: Is this job the best fit for me? Is this guy going to hurt me? Should I hire a math tutor for my son? Often, we have to assess them with very little information. We’re also on the other end of evaluation. We look in someone’s eyes, feel them examining us, and assume we come up short of their standards. That doesn’t make judging bad. It’s our mindset that’s in question. What happens when we judge ourselves? Why do we judge others? What habits can we adopt to turn our negative judgement into positive?

Ourselves:

We are inclined to be our own worst critics. If we weren’t, affirmations would not exist (e.g., “It’s okay to be a powerful woman”) We have to intentionally remind ourselves we’re good enough, we’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like us because we face adversity every day and we think we’re the cause of it. Yes, we reap what we sow, but sometimes life just happens. We can be really good at our jobs and then a pandemic comes along and our company lays us off. We habitually blame ourselves for the random misfortune in our lives, “If I were smarter, I would’ve sold my quota of widgets this month.” After a while, we maintain a low level of self-induced anxiety and it can be addicting. Why do we do this? Are we trying to protect ourselves from failure? Are we trying to use criticism to motivate ourselves to action?

Others:

Confession time: I’m judging people’s reactions to the COVID-19 pandemic. I find myself thinking negatively about those who: aren’t in high risk categories being scared, are vocal about the inconvenience of their favorite doughnut shop being temporarily closed, or say our state’s leaders are overreacting. Then my own words slap me in the face: “Don’t judge others by the way you think.” I feel like fear is at the root of judgement. We’re jealous of what others have. We have to get along with people whose opinion is very foreign to ours. We think someone wants to take advantage of us. We’re afraid we’re wrong, we won’t have enough, or we’ll look stupid. Fear is useful when we use it as a warning system, but how do we keep it in its place?

Habits:

Realize we’re doing it. When we have a judgmental thought, we can stop and label it. Is it true? If not, let’s cast it aside and purposefully replace it with a true and positive thought.

Meditation. Whether it’s prayer, mindfulness, or quiet time, stopping to breathe, catalog thoughts, and decide which ones need redirection or discarded strengthens our accuracy in judging both situations and people.

Forgive ourselves. Everyone makes mistakes and they usually aren’t as consequential as we initially assume. Our culture pushes us to be better and do better; but if we do our best, that’s enough to feel good about and try again tomorrow.

What do you do to keep judgment in its place? Please share in the comments section.

I Ran So Far Away

Erma Bombeck was right. The grass is always greener over the septic tank. At some point in our careers we’ve all had managers we loathe for any (or all) of these reasons:

He lives in his own reality
He takes credit for our success
He belittles our opinions
He doesn’t respect our boundaries

Then, we get a job offer. It’s:

More than 40 hours a week
Less money
A longer commute
The benefits aren’t as good as our current job
The required skills aren’t exactly in our wheelhouse

We impulsively quit the job we hate instead of asking ourselves, “Is it worth our T.E.A.M.?” Taking a job out of desperation to get away from the job we have allows our emotions to make the decision, and putting them in charge is usually not a wise choice. We should run to a new job, not from our current one.

We tell ourselves:

We can make it work
It’s not as bad as our last position
We’ll talk the boss into quickly advancing us

But after a couple of months, it’s not looking good. Now that we’re stuck, what do we do?

Give it Time

If we can stand it, we should stay in a job for one year to get through the normal growing pains of getting used to a new routine, new people, and a new environment. For example: we’ve joined an already established team. We won’t make friends on day one. We have to research:

Who is territorial?
Who is threatened by our being hired?
Who is jealous we got the position they were going for?
Whom can we trust?
Who pushes their own agenda?

If we assume an attitude of learning and ask how we can make our team mates’ projects easier, we’ll quickly find out what motivates them and how to best communicate with them.

Do a Self-assessment

What drove us away from our last job?
Was it only our toxic boss or were there other factors?
Was the environment dysfunctional?
Was there no diversity on our staff?

Make notes. If this job doesn’t work out, we don’t want to repeat history. We need to figure out our strengths. At our last job, were we in the field visiting clients the majority of the day and now we are tied to a desk and hate it? As for the current job, we should think about why we are unhappy and what it would take to make it work. Can we mold the position into something fulfilling? (Can it be more client facing than Excel facing?) Does it give us access to a better network? (Can we leverage networking events to find out who is hiring?) Will it pay for professional development opportunities? (Mastermind groups, Leadership cohorts, or an MBA?) Let’s consider what we really want from a job, so we can form a plan to move forward.

Talk to Someone

Vent to a friend, trusted coworker from our last job, or mentor; then ask them to objectively analyze our situation. Their encouragement and support will help, but the most valuable thing they can do is repeat back to us what they heard us say about our job. It will take some emotion out of the situation and help us think more objectively about our next steps.

Have you ever taken a job because you were desperate to get away from your current one? Please share how that worked out in the comments section.

Financial Fidelity

Before we marry we discuss money: Am I a saver? Are you a spender? How much income do we need to live comfortably? But after a year or so, we conveniently forget these well intended discussions because life happens. We discussed what we’d do in a perfect world, but we live in an imperfect one. We can’t predict the future and we change our minds. Since opposites attract, it’s much more likely we have very different attitudes toward money; mostly thanks to the way we were raised and how our parents managed it. We can’t agree to terms at the beginning of the marriage and not ever talk about money again. Finances are a recurring conversation.

Listen

We need to set a limit we both consider large and not spend over that amount without discussing it with our spouses. When our partner comes to us wanting to make an expensive purchase, we shouldn’t immediately say no. We should listen to why they want to buy. It’s rarely about the purchase. It’s about how the purchase will make them feel.

Boundaries

Pinching pennies too hard is as harmful to our relationships as spending too much on luxury items. Whether it’s: living debt free, having an emergency fund, tuition saved, and building retirement funds, or two vacations per year, luxury car, designer clothes, eating out every week, and monthly concert tickets; compromise is key. You want a Jaguar, but a Honda will get you to work. He wants a $2000 emergency fund, but $1000 will suffice. It helps to quantify both spending and saving. No one wants to feel deprived.

Transparency

Speaking of not feeling deprived, we need to agree to set aside a bit of disposable income we’re free to spend on ourselves without obtaining permission from our mates. These are not secret accounts. We should not hide what we do with money. It’s lying and will cause us to break our spouse’s trust. It’s cheating, much like being sexually unfaithful is cheating, and is easily revealed. Our transactions are all tracked and available online (but that’s a whole ‘nuther post). Each partner should keep an eye on the joint finances. If we have separate accounts, we should make information on those accounts available to our spouses (e.g. ask if they want to see the monthly statement; not necessarily give them access to the funds).

The whole two-becoming-one thing is a push and pull of give and take to make a whole new third identity out of two people. Sometimes we want to do what we want to do and we don’t want our spouse to have a vote in the decision. But since the traditional wedding vows say, “for richer or for poorer,” when our behavior impacts that status, we have to inform our mate. It’s no longer a matter of money, it’s a matter of trust.

How do you and your spouse compromise on money decisions? Please share in the comments section.

Die Hard

B2B cold calling is a hot button. Sales professionals have strong opinions and compelling arguments both for and against it. 2019 data says it doesn’t generate business 90% of the time and it takes six hours of calling to set one appointment, (which may not lead to revenue, btw) but companies who didn’t do it grew 42% less than companies who did. Everyone agrees it’s a huge time waster and isn’t the best way to attract clients, but most also say to do it. Not helpful. What are some of the problems and how can we solve them?

Problems:

It’s outdated

Invented by fellow Daytonian John Patterson to sell his cash registers in 1873, cold calling is no longer novel and it’s developed a bad reputation. It’s considered selling, but isn’t it just hunting? We call a stranger and try to ferret out if they need what we have. I interrupt someone’s work to pitch my company. Is this the first impression I want anyone to have about us?

No Gatekeepers

With companies phasing out admins, decision makers have to answer their own phones and they usually just don’t. They get so many sales robo-calls, they don’t consider it rude to hang up on us. People would rather receive texts than calls. They’d rather receive emails than texts. They’d rather ignore all three.

Buying has changed

The seller used to be in control of the information the buyer needed. Thanks to technology, information is available at decision makers’ fingertips. Customers prefer to check our websites, Google us for reviews, and talk to people we’ve worked with to find out if they want us. Customers want personal service from trustworthy local businesses. They want to discover us and enlist our help in solving their problems.

Solutions:

Qualified leads

Narrowing down not only the companies we contact but also the appropriate personnel is crucial. It saves time and puts us in contact with the person who knows if their business has problems we can solve. This is a big deal and big business. There are a ton of companies who supply sales leads.

Inbound marketing

If we analyze our data and determine what our customers have in common, we can reach out to similar businesses through our websites and social media channels. We can attract those who need us by demonstrating who we are and what we do. We can earn clients’ trust by giving them content they can use. We can establish ourselves as the SME to solve potential clients’ problems, then invite them into conversation.

Develop relationships

Let’s make friends now, so people know and trust us in the future. If we can do someone a favor, we should; even though there’s no revenue in it for us. We never know who a potential client is and “Bacon’s Law” is real. We can like and/or comment on new acquaintances’ social media posts. We can send them emails with helpful content (e.g., an article regarding an industry trend) without including a sales pitch.

When we can’t find businesses who need us, is picking up the phone and calling random companies the answer, because at least we’re doing something? What do you think? Please share in the comments section.

Quittin’ Time

Are you a quitter?

You like your job, but you no longer love it. You’ve got a good thing going, but an opportunity is knocking with the potential to be great. You don’t have enough reasons to stay put, but loyalty to the company keeps you from making a career move. You don’t want to be seen as a quitter. We equate quitters with failure, but walking away from a job that no longer aligns with your values makes you smart; not a quitter. Your ambition is a good thing and it takes courage to pursue work you really want and not settle for a job that’s no longer working for you. Do an ROI analysis of your job annually (e.g., performance review time) and react as objectively as possible. Give yourself permission to go after what you want.

Exit Strategy

You’ve accepted another job. Now what? Let’s talk basics: Get your ducks in a row with the new employer (e.g., your benefits package is in order, you have a copy of your signed contract, you’ve agreed on a start date, etc.) before saying anything to anyone at your current company, even your work bestie. The first person you tell is your manager. If you don’t have regular 1:1s, request one. Make sure this meeting is at least two weeks before the start date of your new job. Go to it with a resignation letter framed as a thank-you note with these elements: gratitude for the opportunities the company and your manager gave you, a diplomatic statement of why you’re leaving (e.g., “I’ve grown all I can with this company.”) and the date of your desired last day. While a two week notice is standard, be aware that you may be asked to leave immediately. Or, to stay longer than two weeks to wrap up loose ends and/or train your replacement. Bring a succession plan to this meeting: a list of your responsibilities and suggestions for who is qualified to take them over. Try to work out a who-needs-to-know-when timetable you can agree on, but ultimately your manager gets to decide. Have a tactful elevator-speech-length story ready to tell your coworkers when they ask why you’re leaving.

It’s a small world after all.

Chances are good you’ll need a reference from your manager or you’ll run into coworkers at networking events so don’t speak negatively about the company. Keep your attitude professional and set up the coworkers who assume your responsibilities for success (e.g., type up a status report of the projects you’re working on, introduce them to your clients via email, offer to be available via phone or email after you leave). Keep it classy even after you turn in your keys. Announce on your social media platforms that you’ve accepted another position, but be sure to publicly thank the company you left for preparing you for this new opportunity.

Have you ever felt conflicted leaving a job? Please share in the comments section.