When setting up meetings, one of the first questions asked is “Do you prefer meeting in person or virtually?” If you’re like me, you’ve learned to say, “Whatever’s easiest!” because you’re polite and your calendar is already a suitcase you’re trying to zip while sitting on it.
Why It Matters
For alignment, in addition to swapping updates, you need to be able to discern confidence, detect hesitation, and make decisions when the room gets emotionally complicated (which it always does, because humans). In-person is better for anything that involves resistance, uncertainty, or a situation that could go sideways.
When you’re looking at someone through a webcam, you’re getting a highlight reel, not the whole story. You see their face, maybe their shoulders, and whatever expression they can maintain while Slack pings, email dings, and they pretend they’re totally focused. In person, you get the rest of the data: the hand gestures, the micro-glance at a second screen when you mention timelines, and (my favorite) the nervous heel bounce.
The Rule
Have you heard of the 7-38-55 rule? It’s often summarized as 7% words, 38% tone, and 55% body language. In the 1970’s, Dr. Albert Mehrabian’s research suggested when verbal and nonverbal cues conflict, people tend to trust nonverbal signals more. Disclaimer: it’s not a universal law for all communication (facts still matter, thank you very much), but it’s extremely relevant when the stakes involve trust, confidence, resistance, or buy-in.
And that’s basically every meeting where you’re trying to get work done with other people. You’re not just deciding what to do. You’re deciding whether they’re bought in, whether they’re uneasy, and whether the plan survives moving from screen to reality. This is one of the reasons virtual meetings feel exhausting. You’re trying to get in sync while missing most of the inputs your brain relies on to determine whether yes really means yes.
You Lose Time, Not Just Vibes
When you miss nonverbal cues, you don’t just miss emotion. You miss early warnings.
- A stakeholder says, “Looks good,” but their tone is tight. In person, you’d clock it instantly and ask one more question. Virtually, you take the yes and move on. Two weeks later, objections appear like they were sitting just outside the camera frame the whole time.
- Your manager says, “Run with it,” while clearly multitasking. You interpret it as approval. They interpret it as “I was being polite.” Now you’re both annoyed and you’re rewriting the strategic plan.
- A teammate says “I’m fine with the deadline.” Their words cooperate but their body is screaming no. You don’t notice. They burn out, quality drops, and you inherit the mess.
The result is slower decisions, more follow-up meetings, and that particular brand of frustration that comes from doing the same work twice. By the way, power skills, like communication and empathy, are the exact gap AI can’t fill yet. Tools can schedule the meeting, capture the transcript, and summarize action items. But they can’t reliably tell you when someone is uncomfortable, unconvinced, or uneasy about delivery. That’s still a human’s job.
How do you get the nonverbal information you need from a virtual meeting? Please share in the comments.
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