Stress – Page 6 – mardihumphreys.com

Recognize Not Normalize

The workplace was turbulent from the start, but it feels downright tumultuous these days. Mass hirings are transitioning to mass layoffs. The Great Resignation is transitioning to The Great Regret. The pandemic is transitioning to the sansdemic. Change is hard. People react emotionally and these emotions can be negative. Left to simmer, negative emotions produce toxins. How easy is it for you to identify toxicity in your workplace?

Sunday Scaries

Often, your body tells you that you are in a toxic situation before your brain recognizes it. Do you get the Sunday Scaries? If the thought of going to back to work on Monday morning after having the weekend off makes you feel tired, depressed, or physically ill, then your body is trying to tell you something. There are plenty of examples of toxicity in the workplace, but let’s focus on the big three: managers, environment, and habits.

Managers – Your manager may be toxic if they:

have unspoken expectations (e.g., you are surprised to find a Sunday morning project meeting on your calendar)
have unrealistic expectations (e.g., they expect you to answer the emails they send late at night)
do not give you agency to do your job (e.g., insist on controlling everything you do and how and when you do it)
don’t listen (e.g., they consistently interrupt you when you are talking)
publicly embarrass you (e.g., in the all-hands meeting they announce that you missed a typo in the last meeting’s minutes)

Environment – Your workplace may be toxic if:

bullying is allowed (e.g., a coworker habitually yells to get what they want)
microaggressions are common (e.g., jokes about women and/or people of color are laughed at instead of banned)
you can’t trust your coworkers (e.g., you are intentionally excluded from emails containing information pertinent to your responsibilities)
you are not treated with respect (e.g., your coworker sits on top of your desk to talk to your office mate)
it’s like the Emerald City in The Wizard of Oz. “O my! People come and go so quickly here!” (e.g., employee turnover is high)

Habits – Your work habits may be toxic if you:

feel like you have to always look busy (e.g., downtime makes you nervous)
interpret every ambiguously worded email negatively (e.g., you think your report is shoddy because your manager requests further explanation)
are a loner (e.g., you don’t ask questions because you’re afraid to appear stupid)
engage in office gossip (e.g., participating in negative conversations about coworkers that you would not if they were present)
frequently put off assignments you don’t like (e.g., the client survey results are ready for data analysis, but you dread sifting through their ideas for improvement)

Points to Ponder

Toxicity causes burnout which makes talent quit. If you are an individual contributor in the workforce, fighting toxicity is like trying to turn the Titanic around. If toxic habits are holding you back, you can change them, but is your reputation already damaged? Searching for another job is daunting, but if you are experiencing a toxic boss or environment, then please consider dusting off your resume and activating your network.

What are examples of toxicity that you faced? Please share in the comments.

Uses Time Wisely

In Kindergarten, we weren’t graded on subjects like math or English and we did not receive letter grades on our report cards. Instead, we had a list of goals to meet. The teacher put a check mark next to the goal if it was reached or an X if it wasn’t. I received an X next to “Uses Time Wisely.” It’s haunted me ever since.

How do you determine your level of productivity at work? You compare yourself to your coworkers. You worry that everyone is using their time more wisely than you are, especially if you’re remote or hybrid. By the beginning of Q4 2020, I stopped saying that I work from home and started saying that I home from work. Technology allows us to work when and where we want so we work all the time. This phenomenon is the autonomy paradox. For example, how many times have you replied to work emails on your phone while waiting in line at the grocery? (Asking for a friend.)

Asynchronous work makes you very susceptible to what Brigid Schulte, Director of the Better Life Lab at New America, calls time confetti. These are the minutes scattered throughout your week spent on unproductive multitasking. Alone, the spent time is insignificant, but it adds up pretty quick. For example, would that PowerPoint presentation you’re working on be done right now if you had closed your direct message app for a couple of hours?

Even if your app is minimized, hearing the notifications breaks your concentration and now you know that someone is waiting for you to do something. Your brain is distracted by wondering what it is and figuring out how, when, and where to get everything done. It takes time to mentally shift from one task to another and back again. Before you know it, your time has shredded into confetti. How can you prevent being buried in it?

Protect – When you have a project that requires deep focus, schedule it on your calendar, close your door and put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on it, and turn off direct message and email alerts. Notice how quickly you get it done.

Train -You not only have to set boundaries, you have to show people where they are and hold them when people try to cross them. For example, those who contact me between 7:30pm and 8:00pm EST Monday – Saturday do not reach me. Jeopardy! is my boundary. I do not answer calls, emails, or texts during that time. I have communicated and held that boundary so many times that our daughter bought me a T-shirt.

Forgive – Don’t berate yourself for failing to complete every task on your to-do list every day. We treat time like it’s something we can control, and, to a certain extent, we can and should. However, days have varying rhythms. Stuff happens and we have to roll with it. Think about how many fire drills you have in a week. Checking off every task on your to-do list is not using your time wisely. Giving your best effort is.

What do you do to minimize time confetti? Please share in the comments.

All Fired Up

Welcome to part three of four in the It’s so Quiet series. We’ve already talked about Quiet Promotion and Quiet Quitting. This week let’s look at Quiet Firing.

What Is It?

Quiet Firing happens when management slowly takes away your responsibilities and freedom over time. For example, you have not received a pay raise for years and/or you are turned down for promotions multiple times. You may be getting quietly fired if:

You receive a “Does not meet expectations” evaluation of your job performance at least three times
Coworkers with your same job title receive perks (e.g., WFH days) that you are denied
Everyone in your department receives an equipment upgrade (e.g., mobile phone, laptop, etc.) except you
You are intentionally and repeatedly left out of email threads that are crucial to your duties
You asked for feedback from your manager multiple times and they refuse to give it to you
You signed up for the company’s leadership development program more than twice and are still not accepted

What Can You Do?

Quiet Firing may like feel like gaslighting because the treatment is typically subtle. It is management’s passive-aggressive strategy to encourage you to resign. It makes you ask yourself, “Did what just happen mean what I think it means?” In a LinkedIn News poll, 35% of respondents said they faced Quiet Firing. How can you decide if it is happening to you?

Document: Open up your Atta Baby! files from the last three years. (DM me for a definition of the term.) Use them to create a What’s Up With That? file. For each item in the Atta Baby! files, note what your manager’s reaction was to it. For example, if you saved the company $18K in 2021 by catching a typo in an invoice and still received a “Does not meet expectations” in your annual performance review that year, make a note of that.

Communicate: If your research indicates that you may be getting quietly fired, then it’s time for a 1:1 with your manager. Respectfully share what you found, how you interpret it, and ask if your impression is correct. If your manager gives you specific feedback for areas where you can improve your job performance, then you are probably not being quietly fired. If your manager’s reaction is neutral or dismissive, then it’s time to strategize.

Strategize: Should you stay or should you go? If you want (or need) to stay at your organization, then ask your manager for a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan). I realize this could be a humbling experience, but watch your manager’s reaction. It will be very revealing. If they are impressed and excited that you took this initiative, then there is hope that you are not being quietly fired. If they reject your request for a PIP, then it’s time to find other employment.

Have you ever been quietly fired? Please share what signs to look for in the comments.

Hush Money

Last week in part one of the It’s so Quiet series, we talked about Quiet Promotion. This week let’s look at the Quiet Quitting trend, particularly focusing on how it may impact your income. Can you afford to quiet quit? Can you afford not to?

What Is It?

Quiet Quitting is meeting the minimum expectations of your job requirements and feeling psychologically detached from your work. If you avoid leading a team of your coworkers or you refuse to work overtime, you may be a Quiet Quitter.

What Can You Do?

Job descriptions are living documents. They expand and contract with both the company’s needs and the employee’s abilities. Level setting expectations on a regular basis is vital to shaping both your work and your engagement. Here are three things you can do:

Document: Make a list of duties you were asked to do that are outside of your job description. Are they housekeeping tasks? For example, taking notes in every team meeting, typing them up, and distributing them. Or, are they responsibilities that will make you visible to leadership? For example, presenting your department’s Q4 statistics in the partner meeting. If they are housekeeping, then no wonder you’re discouraged. But if they are responsibilities that put you in front of the people who can further your career, then rethink what may be going on behind the scenes.

Communicate: Whatever your documentation reveals, it’s time for a 1:1 with your manager. Present your list. Politely state you’ve noticed an uptick in duties. Ask if these assignments are intentional. If so, and they are housekeeping, is it because of your status in the company? (E.g., You are a junior member of the team.) If the assignments are more high-profile, are you being set up for promotion?

Strategize: After documenting and discussing, think about where you want to go from here. If the assignments you received position you to advance, then the extra work benefits you in the long run. However, the rise and grind culture leads to burnout. If you are expected to go above and beyond your job description with no end and no reward in sight, then do you really want to stay at your organization? Particularly if you work in Big Tech. Seventy-nine percent of the workers laid off last year had another job within three months. Things to consider when making your decision:

Do you have an emergency fund with $1200 in it?
Do you also have six months worth of expenses saved?
How will the coming recession impact your portfolio, mortgage, and/or loans?
Do you have a side gig that you can ramp up to second-job status?
Do you have an alternative for healthcare coverage? (E.g., through your spouse’s employer)
Does your current employer offer benefits (e.g., working remote and/or flexibility) that compensate for the extra duties?

You could also keep quietly quitting, but that can lead to Quiet Firing; more on that next week.

Have you ever quietly quit a job? Please share in the comments.

The Rise of the Quiets

COVID spotlighted the Greats: the Great Retirement, the Great Resignation, the Great Reshuffle, the Great Rethink, etc. Now, the transition to post pandemic is highlighting the Quiets: Quiet Promotion, Quiet Quitting, Quiet Promoting, Quiet Thriving, etc. Just like the Greats were in play with or without COVID, the Quiets are not new. It’s just that now employees feel empowered to discuss them openly and employers are pushing back. We’re going to devote the next four weeks to exploring the rise of the Quiets. First up: Quiet Promotion.

What Is It?

A Quiet Promotion happens when you are given more tasks and/or responsibilities beyond your job description, but no increase in compensation. It can be tricky to spot because going above and beyond your job description is the traditional path to a genuine promotion. You typically have to prove you can do more before you are given more (especially if you identify as a woman; don’t get me started…). Here are a few clues that you were quietly promoted:

You have the same job title as your colleagues, but you have more work than they do
You have absorbed all the duties of a coworker who left and there is no end in sight
Your manager asked you to be a “team player” and you don’t feel like you can refuse

If these sound familiar, you have a couple of options. One is to ask for a real promotion. The other is to get another job. Either way, these three ideas can help.

Document

Update that “Atta Baby!” file on your desktop (DM me if the concept does not sound familiar)
Keep a daily activity log including what you did (especially the extra duties), when, and approximately how long it took
Note (with statistics, if possible) how what you do (especially the extra duties) moves the organization closer to their goals and aligns with their mission

Communicate

After gathering your documentation, schedule a 1:1 with your manager
Prepare for it as you would a performance review
Begin the conversation with a curious mindset. For example, lead with something like: “During several weekly reflection exercises that I do to self-monitor my job performance, I noticed something interesting…” and present your case
Note your manager’s reaction. It will be very revealing

Strategize

If your employer just lost a major client, or your company is in a hiring freeze, then no one is getting promoted. If you can be patient, do. It allows you to accumulate more documentation and contemplate whether this job and/or company is still the right fit for you. If you can’t be patient, the documentation you gathered sure looks good on a resume.

By the way, the phrase “other duties as assigned” is included in most job descriptions. That can be a good thing. You want your job description to iterate. It allows you to grow and advance. The problem comes when an organization uses the phrase as a loophole to assign an employee responsibilities beyond minor tasks related to the employee’s position.

Have you ever received a Quiet Promotion? Please share your experience in the comments.

The Most Expensive Gift You Can Give

Are you panicking because you have yet to come up with a gift for your hard-to-buy-for person that won’t bust your budget? Fear not: for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all stressed out people. Here are 25 gift ideas that cost more time than money.

Bake cookies – It’s not about the cookies. It’s about spending time together. If you don’t want to make the cookies, then clean up the kitchen afterward. If you don’t want to eat the cookies, drop them off at your local police station, firehouse, or emergency department in appreciation to your first responders
Free labor – Does someone need help painting their living room? Moving to a new residence? Rearranging furniture? Print a gift certificate offering help
Christmas movie marathon – Choose your favorites and watch together. Yes, Die Hard is a Christmas movie
Cooking class – If someone loves to eat a certain meal of yours, take all the ingredients to their kitchen and teach them how to make it
Parades and football all day – Take turns explaining why you think these activities happen on a holiday
Video game tournament – Teach someone how to play your favorite or learn how to play theirs
Love notes – For those whose love language is words of affirmation, write them a paragraph explaining what you love about them
Skill share – You are proficient in Excel, but can’t trim your dog’s toenails. Your brother needs an Excel primer and can trim doggy toenails. Trade tutorials
Brand refresh – Audit their website, proofread their resume, tell them what you like about their LinkedIn profile and what could be improved
Go for a walk/hike – If the weather does not currently permit, issue them an IOU
Holiday lights – Map out a route, take along some hot chocolate and maybe the dog, and drive through local light displays
Volunteer together – Your church and local food bank always need help
Online yoga class – Turn on YouTube and search for “twenty-minute yoga for beginners”
Scavenger hunt – Think Easter egg hunt but with candy canes
Video tribute – Are you good with iMovie or a similar platform? String together some of their favorite photos and set them to music
Playlists – On the music-streaming platform of your choice
Museum visit plan – Some museums are free and some are free on certain days. Spend some time brainstorming where you’d like to go and when
Start learning a language together – set up a schedule to practice with one another
Sit – Create a gift certificate for a few hours of baby, pet, or house-sitting
Photographer – Intentionally document this year’s celebration and send the photos to everyone
Pre-celebration service – Help the host clean house before guests arrive. Or, take their car for a wash and vacuum before their holiday trip
Outdoor service – Create a gift certificate for shoveling the snow off their driveway and sidewalk after the next accumulation
Something to look forward to – Schedule a future 1:1. Coffee date? Church date? Ice Cream date?
Storage – Offer to scan their printed photos and save them on a USB
Give it away – Create a gift certificate to help clean out their closets. After the purge, take the donations to a Goodwill or Salvation Army store and bring back a receipt for their tax purposes

The most expensive gift you can give is your time. You can make more money, but you can’t make more time. Please spend yours wisely. Thank you for the time you spent reading this article. Happy Holidays!

Something’s Burning

Last month we talked about burnout and how, as employees, we can both recognize and minimize it. On the other side of the organization, what can employers do to help extinguish burnout?

Why is Burnout the Employer’s Problem?

Because employees who burn out quit their jobs and replacing them is expensive. In their 2020 Recruiter Nation Survey, Jobvite found that retention is the second highest recruiting priority according to the HR professionals who participated. And according to Legaljobs, 45% of employees in the United States are job hunting. Turnover can cost an employer up to one-third of an employee’s annual salary due to lost productivity as well as recruiting efforts.

What Can Employers Do About It?

Set Reasonable Boundaries – For example, if you send emails at 7:46PM on weeknights, texts at 9:12PM on Saturdays, and/or direct messages at 6:12AM on Independence Day, then you are assigning someone a task. A valuable employee is at least going to stop what they are doing and reply no matter how many times you type, “No rush.” Even if you don’t expect the employee to do anything about your request at the time, you are still imposing a mental load on them. Now they have to remember to remind you of the thing you wanted them to do when you contacted them outside of normal work hours. Establish rules around communication. Include acceptable hours, expected response times, and appropriate modes. For example, if there is an emergency requiring their attention outside of normal work hours, then you will call them instead of email or text. Reiterate these boundaries once a quarter. BTW, most email platforms have a feature that allows you to send your message during someone’s normal business hours. Please use it.

Reevaluate Productivity Goals – Are pre-COVID KPIs still in place? Should they be? How reasonable are they? The workforce is moving toward a productivity model where job performance can no longer be measured by when, where, or how many hours employees work. Consider normalizing flexibility. For example, in performance reviews commend the employee for taking their earned PTO instead of praising them for perfect attendance. Best Practice: Leadership models taking time off, flexible work environments, and/or remote work days.

Communicate – Listen with empathy to your team on a regular basis. Can you set up in-person office hours or a virtual coffee once a week to bond with your team? Find common ground. Support and encourage self-care and mental health. Record a 30 second video on your company’s instant messaging platform and send it (during normal hours, please!) to your direct reports. Remind them that the intense project they’re working on will get done more efficiently if they rest their brains for a few minutes every hour. In 1:1 meetings, invite employees to discuss challenges outside of the job that are negatively affecting their ability to work. Is the solution something the company can provide as part of their benefits package?

As we approach the holidays, I hope both employers and employees get some rest from their work. Maybe in front of a roaring fire in your fireplace or, like me, a fireplace online. Please let those embers be the only burnout you allow.

As a manager, what strategies do you use to ease employee burnout? Please share in the comments.

Ho Ho Hold Up

Back in October we saw jack-o-lanterns, cornucopias, and reindeer all sitting together on store shelves. Now that shipping is better, the supply chain is bringing us too many goodies too fast and we feel the fourth quarter holidays all running together. Maybe we should embrace it and create a new holiday: Hallothankmas. It’s not just the holidays that are accelerating. Threat actors are too. Cyber criminals are lying in wait for unsuspecting shoppers who give out their Personally Identifiable Information (PII) faster than mall Santas give out candy canes. If you’re shopping online this holiday season, here are four things you can you do to protect yourself.

Know Where You Are

The number of phony websites increases this time of year. Before entering any payment information, double check the URL you’re using. Is the name of the company spelled correctly? Does it have extra words that you didn’t expect? When you go to the payment page, Is the lock symbol and “https” in the URL?

Legitimate Forms of Payment

Do they want you to pay with cryptocurrency, gift cards, or a wire transfer? These are all untraceable methods of payment. Once you complete a transaction with those forms of payment, you can’t get your money back. Insisting on these ways to pay is a clue that the retailer is a fraud. A scammer reached out to me recently and I had to laugh. I received an email allegedly from my boss instructing me to go out and buy 10 gift cards then reply to the email for further instructions. How did I know it was a scam? I no longer worked for that boss.

You Are a Target

You are bombarded by targeted ads following you from Instagram to Facebook and all platforms in between. Some of those ads are from disreputable companies whose branding tempts you with hard-to-believe deals on popular merchandise. Do not click on those. This is not the time to try an unknown retailer. Some of these companies are selling knock-offs and some aren’t selling anything. They collect your PII and money and send you nothing. If you are tempted, read reviews of both the item you want to purchase and the company. If there are no reviews, or few, or they are all glowing, skip this seller.

Pay Attention

Things tend to get busier this time of year. You may forget to check your accounts as often as usual. Cyber criminals are counting on that. If you have increased your online shopping, then check your accounts more often through the end of the year. If you see any transactions that you don’t recognize, can’t find an emailed receipt for, or the transaction is for an odd amount (e.g., .99¢), contact your financial institution immediately.

Hallowthankmas can be dangerous for your wallet on a few levels. It’s the season of giving, but that does not include giving away your money or PII. You can keep your guard up where finances are concerned while still letting it down for friends and family.

Do you take extra precautions at this time of year to protect your financial accounts? What are they? Please share in the comments.

Extra Crispy

Have you ever stared unblinking and thoughtless at your work computer screen for five seconds then freaked out a little when you realized that actually five minutes had passed? No? Just me? In researching solutions for my problem, I discovered I may be experiencing the phase before burnout. Wouldn’t it be useful if we were self-aware enough to recognize burnout before going up in smoke?

Burnout Has Phases

Honor Eastly coined a two-phase description: crispy and burned out. Crispy happens when you are stretching your limits, but like it. While it feels good, you ignore your need to rest and eventually get stuck in your process sparking burnout. How do you know you’re getting crispy? Here are some signs:

You wake up in the middle of the night thinking about your to-do list
Annoyances you used to ignore (e.g., your teammate forgetting to unmute himself on the weekly check-in Every. Time.) now drive you crazy
You are depressed

What You Can Do

Too much housekeeping at work stokes the fire. Taking notes for the team every meeting, buying birthday cards for staff, and emailing calendar invitations do not get you paid nor promoted. Since the work doesn’t count in managements’ eyes, you don’t take it into consideration when you wonder why you are exhausted. It’s time to ask others for help, (e.g., “You know what, Stan? I took the meeting notes last time. How about Joe does it this week?”)

Your chores fan the flames. For example, just eating can be work: buying groceries, preparing meals, cleaning up the kitchen, washing the dishes, putting the dishes away. You feel like this constant stream of tasks don’t count because you don’t get paid to do them, but they drain your time, energy, attention, and money. Recognize that life requires administration and pay attention to your unpaid duties. Can you streamline any of them? Divide some up with your partner? Outsource any? For example, can you afford to order food in once a week?

The hustle culture pours gasoline on the blaze. I discovered the symptoms of burnout after listening to this podcast. Experiencing some of them, I set a timer on my work intervals to remind me to take more breaks. At a meeting with my business coach I said, “I’m experimenting with forcing myself to take more rest breaks during the work day.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted saying them. When I heard them out loud, I felt like I was trying to defend being lazy. She reminded me that rest actually promotes better work results. That made me feel better temporarily, but then, why do I feel ashamed to rest during the workday? Why do I feel like I have to be on call 24/7/365? Because hustle culture trains us to be immediately responsive to others’ needs all the time. This behavior is unrealistic and unsustainable. Can you stop apologizing for being human? Can you get comfortable disappointing people?

When you start to feel exhausted for what you initially think is no reason, it’s time to stop, drop, and roll. Stop what you’re doing, drop the assumption that everything has to be done right now, and roll into a break.

How do you recognize when you’re moving from crispy to burnout? Please share in the comments.

Over and Over and Over Again

Everyone likes to contemplate their navels on occasion. It becomes a problem when minutes turn into hours and you have nothing but belly-button lint to show for it. We have plenty of things to worry about, so let’s limit this conversation to the workplace. What is the difference between overthinking, worrying, and ruminating?

Overthinking

Overthinking is repeatedly examining a current stressful situation. For example, you’re working on a series of deliverables for your manager. He calls you into his office and asks you to explain why you are spending so much time on those projects instead of these other urgent tasks. You’re stunned and the conversation goes badly. Now you can’t get any work done because that interaction is all you can think about. “How did that happen? How did I get this far off target? Now what?” At your first opportunity, take a break and find a quiet place. Write down your thoughts. Then develop questions to ask your manager at your next meeting. If you do not regularly have 1:1 meetings, now is the time to request them. Phrase your questions in non-confrontational language. For example, “I’d like to send you an email first thing every Monday morning to find out what the top three projects are that you’d like me to work on for the week. Is that okay?” Taking action will help you stop overthinking.

Worrying

Worry is pondering threats to your future. This can be useful, but until you can actually predict the future, it will quickly drive you crazy. Taking the above example a step further, let’s say that the follow-up 1:1 with your manager can’t happen for a week. This gives you way too much time to think about how this second conversation could go even more sideways than the first. Instead of thinking about the worst that can happen, visualize the best that can happen. Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. You can only control the part you play in it. See yourself brainstorming with your manager. What ways to resolve the problem are you presenting? Relationships can be strengthened by working through conflict together. At the very least, your emotional intelligence will get a workout.

Ruminating

Ruminating is brooding over the past. Taking the above example even further, let’s say that you choose not to visualize the best that can happen at the next meeting with your manager. Instead, you get stuck replaying the original conversation in your mind. You’re dwelling on something you cannot change. Every time you think about that conversation, you feel the negative emotions that you felt then. When you fall short of someone’s expectations, it’s wise to review what led to the negative result because it can help you develop triggers to prevent it from happening again. However, mulling over something you cannot change can lead to self contempt. This not only can erode your confidence and encourage you to habitually berate yourself, but if you keep going down that path it can also lead to depression. If that is your situation, then please take advantage of any mental health benefits your company offers. If your organization does not offer mental health benefits, then take a look here.

What do you do to stop worrying about work? Please share in the comments.