Mental Health – Page 4 – mardihumphreys.com

Best Stressed

In my role of serving the local IT community, I get to eavesdrop on many conversations. A recurring theme is the challenge of recruitment and retention, as you may imagine. The recent mass layoffs at big tech companies have caused stress waves that are crashing over both employees and employers.

Stress Has Many Flavors

There are different kinds of stress. For example, there are hindrances. These are things you cannot control, like a pandemic. Hindrances cause bad stress. There are also challenges. These are things you can rise to meet with effort, like learning a new skill. Hindrances demotivate while challenges boost motivation. Hindrances make you feel like you can’t get over them no matter how hard you work. Challenges make you feel accomplished when you meet them.

Help Instead of Hinder

In their book, Designing Your Work Life, Bill Burnett and Dave Evans say that humans have intrinsic, psychological needs: autonomy, relatedness, and competence (ARC). As an employer, if you can meet these needs for your employees, then you will have an easier time attracting and retaining talent.

Autonomy – This is controlling your own life. Employees want to feel like they have the freedom and trust to do their jobs the way they think they should be done. For example, let’s say you’re a manager at a home decor store. You have an employee who has ideas for how the store should be styled. Could you assign them to merchandise an end cap and a display table at the front of the store for one month? If the items on those displays keep getting sold, then you could assign them a whole section next month.

Relatedness – This is connecting to a community. Employees want a squad to belong to. This survey found nearly 57% of their respondents said they enjoyed work more because they made a friend there. For example, let’s say you’re a manager in charge of a fundraiser. You have to bring employees from different departments together to plan the event. If you facilitate a getting-to-know-you conversation at your kick-off meeting, then the diverse group can begin to develop empathy, camaraderie, and buy in for the mission. This not only makes collaboration between teammates possible, it may also start better collaboration between the various departments represented even after the fundraiser is over.

Competence – This is being good at what you do. Employees with a growth mindset look for ways to do more of what they like at work. For example, let’s say you’re the manager of a software development company. You have an employee who is really good at explaining one of your products to small groups of onboarding sales people. You’d like her to develop her onboarding talk into a presentation that she could deliver at an upcoming industry conference, but, she gets stage fright. If you record her next product demonstration, then you’re helping her take the next step in public speaking and you have a video that you can show during your conference presentation.

Motivating employees is a challenge as old as the organized workforce. As an employer, you cannot eliminate stress for every employee. The goal is to give them more good stress than bad stress in their jobs.

What are some ways your manager gives you good stress? Please share in the comments.

Uses Time Wisely

In Kindergarten, we weren’t graded on subjects like math or English and we did not receive letter grades on our report cards. Instead, we had a list of goals to meet. The teacher put a check mark next to the goal if it was reached or an X if it wasn’t. I received an X next to “Uses Time Wisely.” It’s haunted me ever since.

How do you determine your level of productivity at work? You compare yourself to your coworkers. You worry that everyone is using their time more wisely than you are, especially if you’re remote or hybrid. By the beginning of Q4 2020, I stopped saying that I work from home and started saying that I home from work. Technology allows us to work when and where we want so we work all the time. This phenomenon is the autonomy paradox. For example, how many times have you replied to work emails on your phone while waiting in line at the grocery? (Asking for a friend.)

Asynchronous work makes you very susceptible to what Brigid Schulte, Director of the Better Life Lab at New America, calls time confetti. These are the minutes scattered throughout your week spent on unproductive multitasking. Alone, the spent time is insignificant, but it adds up pretty quick. For example, would that PowerPoint presentation you’re working on be done right now if you had closed your direct message app for a couple of hours?

Even if your app is minimized, hearing the notifications breaks your concentration and now you know that someone is waiting for you to do something. Your brain is distracted by wondering what it is and figuring out how, when, and where to get everything done. It takes time to mentally shift from one task to another and back again. Before you know it, your time has shredded into confetti. How can you prevent being buried in it?

Protect – When you have a project that requires deep focus, schedule it on your calendar, close your door and put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on it, and turn off direct message and email alerts. Notice how quickly you get it done.

Train -You not only have to set boundaries, you have to show people where they are and hold them when people try to cross them. For example, those who contact me between 7:30pm and 8:00pm EST Monday – Saturday do not reach me. Jeopardy! is my boundary. I do not answer calls, emails, or texts during that time. I have communicated and held that boundary so many times that our daughter bought me a T-shirt.

Forgive – Don’t berate yourself for failing to complete every task on your to-do list every day. We treat time like it’s something we can control, and, to a certain extent, we can and should. However, days have varying rhythms. Stuff happens and we have to roll with it. Think about how many fire drills you have in a week. Checking off every task on your to-do list is not using your time wisely. Giving your best effort is.

What do you do to minimize time confetti? Please share in the comments.

Be Quiet

Welcome to the final installment of the It’s so Quiet series. We’ve talked about Quiet Promotion, Quiet Quitting, and Quiet Firing. All three have some things in common. For example, The absence of reflection, unaligned expectations, and lack of communication. What would the quiet situations feel like if those issues were resolved?

Groundhog Day is this week. In the movie of the same name, the main character is stuck in the same day over and over doing a job he doesn’t want to do. What would a Groundhog Day look like for you if you were in the right role, using the right processes, working for the right organization? You would be Quiet Thriving.

What Is It?

Quiet Thriving is when you do your part to be responsible for engaging with your work. If you steer your tasks toward the things you like to do, remind yourself there are aspects of this job that you really like, and have a good friend at work, then you may be quietly thriving.

What Can You Do?

Document: You took this particular position because something in the job description interested you. What was that? Are you doing that? If not, can you start? Pull out your “Atta Baby!” file. What do the things that people praised you for have in common? Did you get satisfaction from those duties? If so, can you do more of those? If not, what are the barriers to doing more of the projects you enjoy?

Communicate: Time for a 1:1 with your manager. Managers are usually tasked with motivating employees. It’s much easier to motivate someone who enjoys their job. You offering to do more work makes their life easier. Respectfully discuss how you can use that phrase “and other duties as assigned” in your job description to receive assignments that you like. Any task that makes a positive contribution, especially if it makes and/or saves the organization money, should be welcomed.

Strategize: The questions in the Document section above are meant to help you craft the job you want to do. Do you have the agency to craft your job? If so, try to spend 20% of your day doing the tasks that energize you. Can’t think of what those tasks would be? That’s not surprising since we’ve been in crisis-mode for three years. You need creativity to solve problems. Dealing with crisis after crisis after crisis drains that. To recharge your creativity, can you journal? Maybe write your perfect job description. Or sketch what your perfect job would look like, or bullet point work you see others doing that you’d like to do. Can you make a friend at work? This survey found nearly 57% of their respondents said they enjoyed work more because they made a friend there.

Thank you for your feedback on this series! I appreciate both your point of view and your relentless respect. Let’s keep the conversation going in the comments. What do you do to quietly thrive at work?

All Fired Up

Welcome to part three of four in the It’s so Quiet series. We’ve already talked about Quiet Promotion and Quiet Quitting. This week let’s look at Quiet Firing.

What Is It?

Quiet Firing happens when management slowly takes away your responsibilities and freedom over time. For example, you have not received a pay raise for years and/or you are turned down for promotions multiple times. You may be getting quietly fired if:

You receive a “Does not meet expectations” evaluation of your job performance at least three times
Coworkers with your same job title receive perks (e.g., WFH days) that you are denied
Everyone in your department receives an equipment upgrade (e.g., mobile phone, laptop, etc.) except you
You are intentionally and repeatedly left out of email threads that are crucial to your duties
You asked for feedback from your manager multiple times and they refuse to give it to you
You signed up for the company’s leadership development program more than twice and are still not accepted

What Can You Do?

Quiet Firing may like feel like gaslighting because the treatment is typically subtle. It is management’s passive-aggressive strategy to encourage you to resign. It makes you ask yourself, “Did what just happen mean what I think it means?” In a LinkedIn News poll, 35% of respondents said they faced Quiet Firing. How can you decide if it is happening to you?

Document: Open up your Atta Baby! files from the last three years. (DM me for a definition of the term.) Use them to create a What’s Up With That? file. For each item in the Atta Baby! files, note what your manager’s reaction was to it. For example, if you saved the company $18K in 2021 by catching a typo in an invoice and still received a “Does not meet expectations” in your annual performance review that year, make a note of that.

Communicate: If your research indicates that you may be getting quietly fired, then it’s time for a 1:1 with your manager. Respectfully share what you found, how you interpret it, and ask if your impression is correct. If your manager gives you specific feedback for areas where you can improve your job performance, then you are probably not being quietly fired. If your manager’s reaction is neutral or dismissive, then it’s time to strategize.

Strategize: Should you stay or should you go? If you want (or need) to stay at your organization, then ask your manager for a PIP (Performance Improvement Plan). I realize this could be a humbling experience, but watch your manager’s reaction. It will be very revealing. If they are impressed and excited that you took this initiative, then there is hope that you are not being quietly fired. If they reject your request for a PIP, then it’s time to find other employment.

Have you ever been quietly fired? Please share what signs to look for in the comments.

The Rise of the Quiets

COVID spotlighted the Greats: the Great Retirement, the Great Resignation, the Great Reshuffle, the Great Rethink, etc. Now, the transition to post pandemic is highlighting the Quiets: Quiet Promotion, Quiet Quitting, Quiet Promoting, Quiet Thriving, etc. Just like the Greats were in play with or without COVID, the Quiets are not new. It’s just that now employees feel empowered to discuss them openly and employers are pushing back. We’re going to devote the next four weeks to exploring the rise of the Quiets. First up: Quiet Promotion.

What Is It?

A Quiet Promotion happens when you are given more tasks and/or responsibilities beyond your job description, but no increase in compensation. It can be tricky to spot because going above and beyond your job description is the traditional path to a genuine promotion. You typically have to prove you can do more before you are given more (especially if you identify as a woman; don’t get me started…). Here are a few clues that you were quietly promoted:

You have the same job title as your colleagues, but you have more work than they do
You have absorbed all the duties of a coworker who left and there is no end in sight
Your manager asked you to be a “team player” and you don’t feel like you can refuse

If these sound familiar, you have a couple of options. One is to ask for a real promotion. The other is to get another job. Either way, these three ideas can help.

Document

Update that “Atta Baby!” file on your desktop (DM me if the concept does not sound familiar)
Keep a daily activity log including what you did (especially the extra duties), when, and approximately how long it took
Note (with statistics, if possible) how what you do (especially the extra duties) moves the organization closer to their goals and aligns with their mission

Communicate

After gathering your documentation, schedule a 1:1 with your manager
Prepare for it as you would a performance review
Begin the conversation with a curious mindset. For example, lead with something like: “During several weekly reflection exercises that I do to self-monitor my job performance, I noticed something interesting…” and present your case
Note your manager’s reaction. It will be very revealing

Strategize

If your employer just lost a major client, or your company is in a hiring freeze, then no one is getting promoted. If you can be patient, do. It allows you to accumulate more documentation and contemplate whether this job and/or company is still the right fit for you. If you can’t be patient, the documentation you gathered sure looks good on a resume.

By the way, the phrase “other duties as assigned” is included in most job descriptions. That can be a good thing. You want your job description to iterate. It allows you to grow and advance. The problem comes when an organization uses the phrase as a loophole to assign an employee responsibilities beyond minor tasks related to the employee’s position.

Have you ever received a Quiet Promotion? Please share your experience in the comments.

Something’s Burning

Last month we talked about burnout and how, as employees, we can both recognize and minimize it. On the other side of the organization, what can employers do to help extinguish burnout?

Why is Burnout the Employer’s Problem?

Because employees who burn out quit their jobs and replacing them is expensive. In their 2020 Recruiter Nation Survey, Jobvite found that retention is the second highest recruiting priority according to the HR professionals who participated. And according to Legaljobs, 45% of employees in the United States are job hunting. Turnover can cost an employer up to one-third of an employee’s annual salary due to lost productivity as well as recruiting efforts.

What Can Employers Do About It?

Set Reasonable Boundaries – For example, if you send emails at 7:46PM on weeknights, texts at 9:12PM on Saturdays, and/or direct messages at 6:12AM on Independence Day, then you are assigning someone a task. A valuable employee is at least going to stop what they are doing and reply no matter how many times you type, “No rush.” Even if you don’t expect the employee to do anything about your request at the time, you are still imposing a mental load on them. Now they have to remember to remind you of the thing you wanted them to do when you contacted them outside of normal work hours. Establish rules around communication. Include acceptable hours, expected response times, and appropriate modes. For example, if there is an emergency requiring their attention outside of normal work hours, then you will call them instead of email or text. Reiterate these boundaries once a quarter. BTW, most email platforms have a feature that allows you to send your message during someone’s normal business hours. Please use it.

Reevaluate Productivity Goals – Are pre-COVID KPIs still in place? Should they be? How reasonable are they? The workforce is moving toward a productivity model where job performance can no longer be measured by when, where, or how many hours employees work. Consider normalizing flexibility. For example, in performance reviews commend the employee for taking their earned PTO instead of praising them for perfect attendance. Best Practice: Leadership models taking time off, flexible work environments, and/or remote work days.

Communicate – Listen with empathy to your team on a regular basis. Can you set up in-person office hours or a virtual coffee once a week to bond with your team? Find common ground. Support and encourage self-care and mental health. Record a 30 second video on your company’s instant messaging platform and send it (during normal hours, please!) to your direct reports. Remind them that the intense project they’re working on will get done more efficiently if they rest their brains for a few minutes every hour. In 1:1 meetings, invite employees to discuss challenges outside of the job that are negatively affecting their ability to work. Is the solution something the company can provide as part of their benefits package?

As we approach the holidays, I hope both employers and employees get some rest from their work. Maybe in front of a roaring fire in your fireplace or, like me, a fireplace online. Please let those embers be the only burnout you allow.

As a manager, what strategies do you use to ease employee burnout? Please share in the comments.

Booked

Thinking about doing some reading while you wait for delayed flights or relatives to wake up from post-holiday-meal naps? Here are some books about T.E.A.M. that I thought were worth mine.

Time

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho – Translated from Portuguese, this hero’s journey is a brief, unapologetic fable. My biggest take away is: Omens are everywhere. When I think I’ve spotted one, I should stop and reflect on how it may direct my decision making.

The Anthropocene Reviewed by John Green – Born from his podcast, the theme of these essays is the impact of people’s behavior on our current geological age. His topics include everything from “Humanity’s Temporal Range” to “Diet Dr Pepper.”

My Mrs. Brown by William Norwich – Another hero’s journey, this novel offers lovely prose, a depiction of women of a certain age, and characters we are surrounded by every day, but don’t consider their life stories. This is a great tale for goal-setters.

Energy

Designing Your Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans – Tools, processes, and insight on how to get from where you are to where you want to be. The authors present systems you can implement to make decisions about your work, relationships, goals, etc., no matter what stage of life you’re in.

The Extended Mind by Annie Murphy Paul – Science-based research on why we need to get out of our heads when problem-solving. Presented in narrative form, it’s a validating read for knowledge workers.

High Conflict by Amanda Ripley – When we have a disagreement with someone, conflict becomes an additional adversary to battle. Engaging examples of people who believed the enemy of my enemy is my friend, identified conflict as the enemy, and worked together to defeat it.

Attention

The One Thing by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan – If you haven’t read many productivity books or you need a refresher on the basics of making wise choices, you’ll like this book. If you read Stephen Covey, Charles Duhigg, and/or James Clear, etc., then you will probably not be impressed. It’s short, so you could finish it on a cross-country flight.

Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown – Read this before your holiday get-togethers and keep it handy for reference. It should be on your bookshelf right next to your dictionary and thesaurus. Brown identifies 87 emotions, why they affect relationships, and how you can navigate them to achieve connection.

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker – This is the cure for meetings that should have been emails. Also, it will help you create more meaningful holiday gatherings.

Money

The Ultimate Retirement Guide for 50+ by Suze Orman – The author speaks plainly and with empathy. Preparing for retirement can be confusing and scary and this book helps you move forward with more confidence.

Never Too Old to Get Rich by Kerry E. Hannon – In 2021, the average age of successful startup founders was 45. If you think you are too old to start your own business, read this book and think again.

Know Your Value by Mika Brzezinski – The author chronicles her journey to get the appropriate recognition and compensation for her work. She also interviewed women in a variety of industries and reports their experiences too.

What are you reading? Please share in the comments.

P.S. I occasionally post on Saturdays what I’m reading that weekend. Please follow me on Facebook and and contribute to the conversation!

Extra Crispy

Have you ever stared unblinking and thoughtless at your work computer screen for five seconds then freaked out a little when you realized that actually five minutes had passed? No? Just me? In researching solutions for my problem, I discovered I may be experiencing the phase before burnout. Wouldn’t it be useful if we were self-aware enough to recognize burnout before going up in smoke?

Burnout Has Phases

Honor Eastly coined a two-phase description: crispy and burned out. Crispy happens when you are stretching your limits, but like it. While it feels good, you ignore your need to rest and eventually get stuck in your process sparking burnout. How do you know you’re getting crispy? Here are some signs:

You wake up in the middle of the night thinking about your to-do list
Annoyances you used to ignore (e.g., your teammate forgetting to unmute himself on the weekly check-in Every. Time.) now drive you crazy
You are depressed

What You Can Do

Too much housekeeping at work stokes the fire. Taking notes for the team every meeting, buying birthday cards for staff, and emailing calendar invitations do not get you paid nor promoted. Since the work doesn’t count in managements’ eyes, you don’t take it into consideration when you wonder why you are exhausted. It’s time to ask others for help, (e.g., “You know what, Stan? I took the meeting notes last time. How about Joe does it this week?”)

Your chores fan the flames. For example, just eating can be work: buying groceries, preparing meals, cleaning up the kitchen, washing the dishes, putting the dishes away. You feel like this constant stream of tasks don’t count because you don’t get paid to do them, but they drain your time, energy, attention, and money. Recognize that life requires administration and pay attention to your unpaid duties. Can you streamline any of them? Divide some up with your partner? Outsource any? For example, can you afford to order food in once a week?

The hustle culture pours gasoline on the blaze. I discovered the symptoms of burnout after listening to this podcast. Experiencing some of them, I set a timer on my work intervals to remind me to take more breaks. At a meeting with my business coach I said, “I’m experimenting with forcing myself to take more rest breaks during the work day.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted saying them. When I heard them out loud, I felt like I was trying to defend being lazy. She reminded me that rest actually promotes better work results. That made me feel better temporarily, but then, why do I feel ashamed to rest during the workday? Why do I feel like I have to be on call 24/7/365? Because hustle culture trains us to be immediately responsive to others’ needs all the time. This behavior is unrealistic and unsustainable. Can you stop apologizing for being human? Can you get comfortable disappointing people?

When you start to feel exhausted for what you initially think is no reason, it’s time to stop, drop, and roll. Stop what you’re doing, drop the assumption that everything has to be done right now, and roll into a break.

How do you recognize when you’re moving from crispy to burnout? Please share in the comments.

Over and Over and Over Again

Everyone likes to contemplate their navels on occasion. It becomes a problem when minutes turn into hours and you have nothing but belly-button lint to show for it. We have plenty of things to worry about, so let’s limit this conversation to the workplace. What is the difference between overthinking, worrying, and ruminating?

Overthinking

Overthinking is repeatedly examining a current stressful situation. For example, you’re working on a series of deliverables for your manager. He calls you into his office and asks you to explain why you are spending so much time on those projects instead of these other urgent tasks. You’re stunned and the conversation goes badly. Now you can’t get any work done because that interaction is all you can think about. “How did that happen? How did I get this far off target? Now what?” At your first opportunity, take a break and find a quiet place. Write down your thoughts. Then develop questions to ask your manager at your next meeting. If you do not regularly have 1:1 meetings, now is the time to request them. Phrase your questions in non-confrontational language. For example, “I’d like to send you an email first thing every Monday morning to find out what the top three projects are that you’d like me to work on for the week. Is that okay?” Taking action will help you stop overthinking.

Worrying

Worry is pondering threats to your future. This can be useful, but until you can actually predict the future, it will quickly drive you crazy. Taking the above example a step further, let’s say that the follow-up 1:1 with your manager can’t happen for a week. This gives you way too much time to think about how this second conversation could go even more sideways than the first. Instead of thinking about the worst that can happen, visualize the best that can happen. Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. You can only control the part you play in it. See yourself brainstorming with your manager. What ways to resolve the problem are you presenting? Relationships can be strengthened by working through conflict together. At the very least, your emotional intelligence will get a workout.

Ruminating

Ruminating is brooding over the past. Taking the above example even further, let’s say that you choose not to visualize the best that can happen at the next meeting with your manager. Instead, you get stuck replaying the original conversation in your mind. You’re dwelling on something you cannot change. Every time you think about that conversation, you feel the negative emotions that you felt then. When you fall short of someone’s expectations, it’s wise to review what led to the negative result because it can help you develop triggers to prevent it from happening again. However, mulling over something you cannot change can lead to self contempt. This not only can erode your confidence and encourage you to habitually berate yourself, but if you keep going down that path it can also lead to depression. If that is your situation, then please take advantage of any mental health benefits your company offers. If your organization does not offer mental health benefits, then take a look here.

What do you do to stop worrying about work? Please share in the comments.

Scary Stuff

There is plenty to be scared of this Halloween from unreal threats like horror movies to real ones like war. Let’s talk about what we can control. What scares you? Heights? Elevators? Networking? If all three, then finish reading this article before you RSVP regrets to your client’s happy hour event on the 20th floor of their office building.

The advice to face our fears goes back at least as far as Ralph Waldo Emerson’s suggestion that conquering a bit of fear everyday is the secret of life. Whether it’s fear of failure, loss, or change, getting out of your comfort zone can help you at work, but why should you and how can you?

Why? Because

You Can’t Avoid Scary Things – Unexpected illness or injury, destructive tornados, the consequences of other people’s decisions, these are setbacks that you cannot control. Setbacks happen and fear tells you they are bad, but fear lies. Setbacks are growth opportunities. They reveal what doesn’t work and that’s valuable data. Like Thomas Edison inventing the lightbulb. Learning to put scary things into perspective helps you navigate your reality.

Facing One Fear Gives You Confidence to Face More – Let’s imagine that you want to quit your job to start your own business and are afraid to tell your partner. Pitch it to them as if they were a client. Their questions may be a good basis for your business plan. Answering their concerns helps you rehearse for meetings with investors and clients. Talking through how you’re going to make the transition gives you a better idea of your timeline.

It Makes You Empathetic – Do you think you’re the only person scared to drive on the highway? I did. Since I began sharing my fear, I’ve encountered at least three other people with the same issue. I partnered with one to face the fear together. We ended up talking about other things that we’re afraid of. It made me more understanding and tolerant (I hope) of people whose fears are different from mine. Will this habit help me be a DEIB ally? (I hope.) I still get nervous driving on the highway, but it no longer prevents me from refusing opportunities like it used to.

How?

Imagine the Worst That Could Happen – Visualize what you would do in that situation. Having a plan gives you confidence.

Affirmations – Once when I had a precarious job, I wrote an affirmation on a sticky note and kept it on the corner of my laptop where my right hand brushed the paper every time I typed. It was a touchstone that helped me keep going when fear attacked.

Put the Work in – Doing what scares you makes what scares you less scary. Start small. For example, to lessen my fear of driving I take roads I previously traveled and tell myself that I’m just going a little bit further down them.

Fear serves a purpose. It helps you identify threats. When you get startled by a loud noise, you typically duck your head because it triggers the acoustic startle reflex we’re born with. This was useful to our ancestors who had to run from rockslides. It’s also useful to employees whose supervisors yell when they’re angry. You should run from them too.

Have you done any scary stuff at work lately? Please share in the comments.