Mental Health – Page 2 – mardihumphreys.com

All the Feels

Does your workplace feel more toxic lately? Behavior once normalized or ignored is now being challenged and more openly addressed. Is there really more recognition and willingness to confront existing issues? Or have additional pressures and rapid changes in modern work environments actually increased their toxicity?

What Is Going On?

The stressors COVID-19 introduced, like remote work challenges and layoffs, heightened feelings of toxicity. Since the end of the pandemic, lots of other factors have surfaced. For example, the accelerated pace of digital transformation, heavier workloads due to short staffing, and a greater emphasis on productivity. Societal issues like economic instability, Artificial Intelligence advancements, and disagreements over national and local politics add to a workplace’s toxicity. The expanding gig economy introduces new stressors, like job insecurity and isolation, which can worsen feelings of toxicity.

Are Workplaces Inherently Toxic?

No, but certain conditions can foster toxicity if left unchecked. The nature of a workplace depends on its culture, management, and habits. Toxicity comes from a combination of ingredients like poor leadership, lack of clear communication, unrealistic expectations, the absence of support systems, and unaddressed conflicts. A workplace culture that rewards open communication, values employee well-being, and practices mutual respect is less likely to be toxic. On the other hand, a highly competitive culture that prioritizes results over well-being can breed toxicity if not managed properly.

How Can You Tell?

High Turnover: A constant influx and outflow of employees suggests dissatisfaction and a problematic workplace culture. For example: Have 28% of your new coworkers left within the first 90 days of their employment?

Low Engagement: Disinterest, lack of self-motivation, cynicism, and minimal participation in workplace activities are red flags. For example: How many people actually showed up for the annual company picnic last year?

Poor Communication: Ineffective communication channels, lack of transparency, and withheld information contribute to mistrust and confusion leading to frequent misunderstandings among team members. For example, in the last week, how many meetings that should have been emails did you attend?

Work-Life Imbalance: Excessive overtime, unrealistic deadlines, and constant pressure lead to stress and burnout. For example: When you ask your manager when a project is due is their standard answer, “Yesterday.”?

Negative Interactions: Bullying, gossip, and cliques create a hostile and divisive atmosphere. Any form of prejudice or harassment, whether subtle or overt, contributes significantly to toxicity. For example: When you go to the break room and your manager is in a whispered conversation with your coworker, do they look at you with startled expressions, stop talking, and leave the room.

Unfair Practices: Favoritism, discrimination, and unequal treatment undermine morale and trust. For example: Are the ideas you suggest in meetings frequently ignored, then a few minutes later someone else presents your idea as their own and it’s considered brilliant?

Micro Managers: Excessive control by supervisors and lack of employee autonomy stifle creativity, lead to resentment, and reduce job satisfaction. For example, if your manager is in the office, do you have to be in the office too?

Both employers and employees have a responsibility to make sure their work environments do not turn toxic. Next week in part two of this series, Toxic Traits, we’ll talk about how employers can ensure a healthy workplace.

Were you ever employed in a toxic workplace? What was your first hint that the culture was toxic? Please share in the comments.

Emotional Granularity

You’ve probably heard the advice that when you feel nervous, like before a presentation, you should tell yourself that you are not nervous, you are excited. By doing this, you turn the negative emotion into a positive one.

You’ve probably sat behind your computer trying to solve a difficult problem and suddenly your body feels like it ran a marathon. You think, “What is wrong with me? All I’ve done for the last hour is sit here and I’m exhausted.” When you feel frustrated, it’s not always because something is wrong, it may be because something is emotionally hard.

There is neuroscience behind these mindsets. For the health of your brain, as well as the rest of your body, take your process for dealing with your fight, flight, or freeze response a step further and recategorize stressful emotions.

What Is Emotional Granularity?

The next level of emotional intelligence is emotional granularity. It is the ability to precisely label your emotions at the time you are having them. This is a coping mechanism that helps you be more spontaneously resilient during a stressful situation. When you can recognize an emotion and label it, you can regulate it. You gain more control over the outcome of the situation you’re in at the time you are in it. While you can’t stop feeling emotions, you can decide how to act on them to create the results that most benefit you.

How Can You Use It?

You probably mentally place the label “negative” on the emotions you perceive as unpleasant. But emotions are neither positive nor negative. Emotions are electrical impulses in your brain signaling that what you’re experiencing is something you care about. For example, let’s say you are gearing up for your annual job performance review and you are dreading it. What would happen if you told yourself you feel determination instead of dread? You would be able to change your reality. You would prepare differently. If you dread, then maybe you avoid preparing for the review until the last minute because you don’t like the way it makes you feel. If you recategorize dread as determination, then as soon as your review date is scheduled, you pull out your Atta Baby file and revisit all the goals you met during the last year as well as the praise you received for your job performance. Now you have the documentation to remind the organization of your value. Now you have the confidence to prove your worth. Now that emotion is a force driving you to a more positive outcome.

Why Should You?

When you are in a situation that makes you feel anxious, your body is trying to tell you something. Instead of making a snap decision, stop and ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Paying attention to those feelings and getting curious about what is causing them gives you options for how to deal with them. The discomfort is rolling around in your brain anyway. You may as well catch the emotion, unravel it, and make it work for you.

How do you reframe your unpleasant emotions? Please share in the comments.

Underwhelmed

I was introduced to the concept of boreout in Adam Grant’s book, Hidden Potential, and it’s fascinated me ever since. You’ve heard of, and probably experienced, burnout caused by your job. It’s when you are exhausted by too much emotional, physical, and mental fatigue for too long. Boreout is the same exhaustion, but the cause is different. Instead of being overwhelmed by the stimulation of your job, you are underwhelmed by it.

What It Looks Like

You arrive at work each morning facing the same tasks you mastered ages ago. You complete a monotonous routine that offers no room for growth or innovation while constantly checking the clock and counting down the minutes until you can leave. There’s no challenge and no sense of accomplishment. You go through the motions while your skills stagnate, your creativity dwindles, and your enthusiasm decreases with each passing day. You feel apathetic and frustrated. These emotions can spill over into other areas of your life, affecting your relationships and overall well-being. Here are some questions to ask yourself if you suspect you’re suffering from boreout.

Is your comfort zone too comfortable?
Are you running on empty energy-wise?
Do you procrastinate more often?
Are you disengaged with your work and coworkers?
Is your productivity slipping?
Do simple tasks feel burdensome?
Do you feel indifferent to meeting deadlines or achieving goals?
Are you questioning the purpose of your role within the organization?
Do you feel like a cog in a machine rather than a valued contributor?
Has your job performance suffered?
Are you progressing on your career path?
Are you increasingly irritable?
Do you feel detached from friends and family?

How to Combat It at Work

Seek Challenges: Talk to your manager about taking on stretch assignments. Work with them to identify new projects or responsibilities that align with your capabilities. Ask where the skills gaps are on your team then volunteer to learn the competencies that are missing. Online courses, in-person workshops, and mentorship opportunities all broaden your skill set and keep you engaged. Increasing your knowledge base and your network both expands your comfort zone and breaks your cycle of boredom. Experimenting with new approaches to old challenges promotes continuous improvement, injects creativity into your work, and helps you build relationships. Host brainstorming sessions and collaborations with colleagues to spark fresh ideas and gather diverse perspectives. Explore unconventional paths to solutions together embracing failure as a learning opportunity rather than a setback. Everyone suffers from boreout at some point. Surround yourself with coworkers who inspire and motivate you so you can support and encourage each other when needed.

Set Goals: You don’t have to wait for your manager to give you something new to do. Set SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) personal development goals for yourself, both short-term and long-term, that align with your values and career aspirations. Having something to work towards gives you a sense of purpose and direction. Break down larger objectives into manageable tasks, track your progress, and celebrate every completed step.

Establish Boundaries: Strive for healthy work-life integration by prioritizing self-care. Take regular breaks throughout the day to recharge and refocus. Go for a walk or do whatever helps you clear your mind and boost your energy level. Set, communicate, and protect non-business hours so you can disconnect from work to do things you enjoy and be with people you enjoy. BTW, if the only person you want to be with is you, that is valid!

How do you fight boreout? Please share in the comments.

Time is Up

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if it gave us clues when it’s time to change like Peter Brady’s voice? How can you tell when the time has come to change your work situation?

Frustration

Do you feel disengaged in your current role?
Are you unable to use your skills and strengths in your job?
Do you feel like you’ve plateaued and there is no clear path for advancement?
If the answers are yes, is the situation likely to improve?

Toxicity

Do you get the Sunday Scaries?
Is your workplace full of negative energy?
Are you micromanaged?
Is there a lack of communication between leadership and individual contributors?
Does your manager expect you to follow their instructions even if they are unethical?
Do you feel harassed?
These are signs of a toxic environment. How toxic does your work culture have to be before you leave it?

Control

Do you have autonomy over the work you do?
Do you feel adequately valued and paid for your contributions?
Do you have multiple managers who communicate with each other regarding your workload?
Are your boundaries around work-life integration respected?
When you present your managers with documentation of your high performance, do you receive positive incentive to perform even higher?
If the answers are no, is it time to look for a new work situation?

Persistent dissatisfaction indicates you need some kind of change. Figuring out what that change is requires introspection, self-awareness, and a willingness to take action. Prioritize your well-being, financial stability, and long-term goals, then try these steps.

Options: Before making any decisions, take time to assess your capabilities, define what kind of work you want to do, and how you envision your future. Research potential job opportunities and consider how they align with those three things. Use your network to discover what possibilities are available and to help you make connections. Do the research on your personal devices and on your own time. Also, be discreet about whom in your network you trust with your inquiries.

Finances: Health insurance and retirement plans are a thing, y’all. If your current job offers these benefits, weigh the financial implications of leaving against the potential benefits of changing employers. Can you make a move within your organization? Since you’ve done a self-assessment (see the paragraph above) can you craft your own job description that fills current staffing gaps, allows you to work with a new team, and retains your benefits?

Side Gigs: A side gig is both a creative outlet and an opportunity for skill development. Before going public, make sure it doesn’t conflict with your primary job responsibilities or violate any employment agreements. If your side gig shows potential, maybe it’s your next full-time gig. Think critically before transitioning to self-employment. Do you have enough savings to pay your bills for a year? Is there demand for what you do? Is the forecast for that demand positive for the next 5-10 years? Will you grow to hate your side gig if you have to do it for a living?

What would cause you to consider a change? Please share in the comments.

Sustainable Success

What happens when you compare your job performance to your coworkers’ and you are not flattered by the comparison? You feel like you can’t mess up. Ever. You fight to be #1, and discover how hard it is to stay #1. You stick to the routines that proved successful in the past instead of trying new things which stifles your creativity, experimentation, and innovation. Beating the competition becomes more important to you than your customer’s satisfaction. What can you do to turn things around?

Team of Rivals

It’s normal to see your coworkers’ job performance, notice your manager’s reaction to it, and gauge how you are doing. You feel good when you compare favorably and nervous when you don’t. This habit is probably most obvious, and even formalized, in a company’s sales department where top salespeople are rewarded more than bottom ones creating internal competition among the team. Instead of comparing yourself to colleagues, how about setting incremental goals for yourself? Make them flexible so you can embrace change, be open to new approaches, and bounce back after disappointments. For example, using our sales scenario, if you did not reach your quota last month, would another 10 cold calls a day help you reach it this month? Your capacity to adapt will not only set you apart, but also carry you through inevitable setbacks.

Abundance Over Scarcity

Instead of being threatened by your coworkers’ success, how about using it for motivation? Continuous learning is a cornerstone of professional development and identifies you as a leader. Seek opportunities for upskilling so you stay relevant in your ever-evolving market. Make resilience in the face of adversity one of your goals. Swap your fear of not being good enough for curiosity. For example, analyze the differences between you and a successful coworker to discover capabilities you should obtain. There will be enough opportunities for everyone because you will create them. Factor self-compassion into your goal setting. It will help you maintain a positive mindset and reduce self-criticism. Be kind to yourself by celebrating your achievements, no matter how small.

You Are Your Competition

Instead of focusing on competing with your colleagues, how about shifting your mindset to competing with yourself? Strive to become an expert in your field. Set goals focused on personal growth so you are not only valuable to your organization, but also to your profession. State your goals using phrases that describe process improvement. For example, improve on, get better at, grow in. You want to be better than YOU were yesterday not better than OTHERS are today. Set small, specific, easily-achievable goals to quickly boost your self-confidence. Maintain and refine your learning through regular practice. Whether it’s honing your presentation skills, becoming a more efficient project manager, or perfecting your coding techniques, steady progress helps you retain knowledge and discover new skills to learn next.

Measuring your self-worth by whether or not you meet monthly Key Performance Indicators (KPI) does not set you up for sustainable success. When some variables are not under your control, you can try your best and still fall short of the organization’s goal for you. Align your goals with your values and aspirations, not with external benchmarks or the achievements of your team. It’s surprising how often you meet monthly KPI when you set goals that are personally meaningful to you.

How do you prevent comparing yourself to your coworkers? Please share in the comments.

Beginnerhood

This is part one of four in a series titled: Independently Owned and Operated.

Whether you are upskilling or taking on increased responsibility, your success hinges on tolerating the discomfort of being bad at doing something new long enough to get good at it. How does owning your beginnerhood help you achieve your goals?

Learning a New Skill

Beginnerhood is an unavoidable phase in pursuit of any skill. For example, when you first learn to code, you write the source code, then compile, link, and execute it over and over again until you get the result you want. It doesn’t take long to get both stuck and frustrated. If you remind yourself this phase is temporary, then you realize the discomfort will eventually go away because mastery comes from practice. Don’t shy away from trying new things because you are afraid to fail. Live in the discomfort long enough to learn from it.

Taking on Increased Responsibility

Whether it’s leading a team, handling larger projects, or managing important accounts, initially you will feel uncertain and maybe inadequate. To be successful, be humble. Acknowledge your initial shortcomings and state your desire to learn quickly. You will make mistakes. When they happen, frame them in your mind, and in your status reports, as part of your process for getting better every day. You are expected to stumble. You are also expected to persevere through challenges. You will not immediately have all the answers. Seek input from your teammates. Being vulnerable with them builds trust.

Overnight Success is a Myth

We all want instant gratification, so we think being bad at something is a setback. Expecting instant mastery is not only unrealistic but can also be a significant barrier to your professional development. The temptation to quit shortly after beginning can be strong. Pat yourself on the back every time you take the next step in doing something new. It helps get you through the awkwardness of your early attempts.

The Power of Resilience

Resilience is an underrated power skill. It’s the secret sauce of success. When you get discouraged by missteps, frame each stumble as a valuable lesson. Instead of seeing it as a deficiency, use it as a stepping stone. Bouncing back from initial failures and learning from those mistakes builds the strength you need to overcome future obstacles. Resilience doesn’t come from a string of unbroken successes. It comes from rising after every fall. Normalize setbacks so that you view them as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles.

Cultivating a Growth Mindset

When you use these tools, you cultivate a growth mindset. You believe you can develop your abilities through dedication and hard work. This perspective transforms anxiety into excitement. You welcome challenges because they are opportunities to stretch your abilities and expand your skills. Successful people own their beginnerhood and workplaces can play a pivotal role in encouraging a growth mindset. When you focus on effort, perseverance, and resilience you create an environment where the team feels empowered to tackle new challenges without the fear of being judged.

Are you going through a beginnerhood? How are you handling the discomfort? Please share in the comments.

Your Top 12

Thank you for spending 2023 with me! As we begin a new year together, here are the top three articles in each category: Time, Energy, Attention, and Money (T.E.A.M.), based on the most views.

Time

Energy

Attention

Money

I appreciate you discussing these topics with me in 2023. I hope you found them useful. There are more in store for 2024!

What decisions around time, energy, attention, and money are you facing in the new year? Please share in the comments.

All Your Call

What does self-care mean to you? Is it a spa day? Is it organizing your desk? Is it playing Baldur’s Gate 3? Self-care is intentionally preserving and enhancing your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health and well-being. For you, a spa day may be the perfect self-care ritual. For your work bestie, taking time to declutter their workspace is self-care. For another coworker, choosing their own adventure in a role-playing video game is self-care. What works for you may not resonate with your teammates. Tune into your unique needs and make choices that align with your well-being.

Taking time for self-care can make you feel guilty, but prioritizing your health is not a luxury. It is the foundation of healthy work-life integration. Discovering your unique self-care routine is a process of trial and error. Explore different activities and be open to reassess what truly brings you both joy and balance. Here are some suggestions.

Meditate: Use a guided meditation app, deep-breathing exercise, or find a quiet space and write a 250 word reflection. Taking a few moments each day to practice mindful meditation can help calm your mind, reduce stress, and improve overall mental well-being.

Exercise: Whether it’s going for a walk, attending a fitness class, or practicing yoga, exercise not only promotes physical health and good sleep but also releases endorphins. These are “feel-good” hormones that positively impact your mood. Regular physical activity uses your body to take care of your mind.

Sleep: Speaking of sleep, sufficient and quality sleep is a highly underrated form of self-care. Try to go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every day. Create a comfortable environment by adjusting the room temperature, noise level, amount of light, and all the variables that help you get an adequate amount of rest each night.

Detox: Take a break from the constant influx of information from your digital devices. Put your screens away an hour before bedtime and read a book. Avoid social media for a weekend. A digital detox increases your mental clarity and reduces your stress.

Create: Paint, build a model pirate ship, or play a musical instrument. Whatever your outlet for self-expression and emotional release is, make time for it. Such activities are therapeutic. They allow you to process your emotions and tap into a part of yourself that your work-life responsibilities may not use.

Nourish: Fill your body with high quality fuel. Replace that doughnut with blueberries and low-fat yogurt. Go meatless for one meal a week. Instead of snacking on potato chips, try almonds. Take time to read nutrition labels. When you consume food and drinks that are low in simple carbohydrates and sugar you are literally taking care of yourself.

Connect: Maintain key relationships. You can hang out in-person, videoconference, text, or call. Whatever medium allows you to spend time with the people you love helps you maintain a sense of belonging, support, and emotional fulfillment.

The next time you wonder, “Is this self-care?” remember that you get to make that decision guided by your unique needs, desires, and understanding of what makes you feel well. You may find extra time on your hands this week between Christmas and New Year’s Day. If so, please use it to do something that makes you feel good. Even if that something is nothing at all.

What will you do to take time for yourself this holiday season? Please share in the comments.

The Catch

Here in the technology space there is a lot of murmuring around unlimited Paid Time Off (PTO) as an employment benefit. As of October 1, 2023, 43.16% of job listings in the technology sector offered unlimited PTO. Is it the answer to better work-life integration and increased job satisfaction?

Employers

Productivity: You want to enhance employee well-being, but unlimited PTO inherently carries the risk of abuse. A sudden surge in leave requests can halt delivery on a contract. Traditional PTO policies provide structure for you to manage workloads effectively. With unlimited PTO, how do you both anticipate and mitigate potential gaps in staffing? How does this unpredictability affect project timelines?

Policy: The absence of a clear legal framework can lead to potential disputes with your workforce. The United States does not legally require paid time off for workers, so it is a business expense for companies that offer PTO to employees. Unlimited PTO must have an expiration date so you can budget. Many states expect businesses to pay out earned time off when an employee leaves the organization. In August, CBS News reported that American companies are carrying about $224 billion in liability for employees’ unused PTO. If employees are not earning PTO, then companies do not have to pay them for what they do not use. How will you address employees’ expectations of getting paid for unused unlimited PTO?

Employees

Panic: How do you know how much time off is too much? Last March, Forbes found that employees with unlimited PTO only take 10 days off annually. Why? Fear, too much work to do, and pressure from their managers because of the timing. When employers do not have rules around PTO, every request is a negotiation and instead of a contractual term of employment, time off becomes a moral issue. Can the company afford to pay you to not work? If your manager thinks you take too much time off, does that negatively impact your next promotion?

Peers: You may feel compelled to match your teams’ work habits. But accumulating significant amounts of unused time off can lead to burnout. Do your coworkers grumble about filling in for you? Will you be labeled a slacker if you take extended time off?

Both

Expectations: The goal is to balance the employer’s need for productivity and the employee’s desire for flexibility. Establish transparent guidelines outlining expectations for both individual contributors and managers. Clearly communicate that taking time off is not only acceptable but also encouraged for maintaining healthy boundaries.

Check-In: Schedule regular check-ins to assess workloads, stress levels, and job satisfaction. Encourage open communication between teams and managers to address concerns and prevent burnout.

Train: Equip managers and individual contributors to effectively navigate the challenges of unlimited PTO policies. Help supervisors acquire skills to manage workloads, plan for time-off coverage, and create an environment that values both productivity and employee well-being. Clearly communicate unlimited PTO policies to your workforce.

Adjust: Conduct periodic reviews of the unlimited PTO policy to assess its impact on productivity and employee satisfaction. Employers need to be willing to continuously improve the policy based on employee feedback and changing organizational needs.

While unlimited PTO seems like a perfect solution to work-life integration, it comes with its own set of challenges. Striking the right balance between flexibility and productivity requires thoughtful implementation, clear communication, and a commitment from both employers and employees to make it work.

Does your organization offer unlimited PTO? Please share your experience using it in the comments.

Take the Stage

We talk a lot about mindset because it’s one of the keys to making wise choices. This week, let’s explore “main character energy” mindset. What is it? How can you use it to advance your career?

What It Is

In a play, novel, or movie, the main character is the focal point of the story. Their actions drive the plot forward. Main character energy (MCE) is seeing yourself as the central character in your life’s story. It encourages you to step into your own narrative and acknowledge that your choices and behaviors are instrumental in shaping your future. Here are some key characteristics of MCE.

Self-Aware: Main characters understand their strengths, weaknesses, and values. They use their past experiences as stepping stones for growth.
Proactive: Main characters create opportunities and take calculated risks. They realize setbacks are a part of life and bouncing back is necessary.
Change: Main characters evolve throughout their stories, adapting to new situations and growing from their experiences. They are open to change and embrace it as a chance for continuous improvement.
Purpose-Driven: Main characters have a goal, a mission, or a vision that guides their actions and decisions.
Confident: Main characters believe in themselves and their abilities, even when faced with doubt or criticism.
Accountable: Main characters don’t blame external factors. Instead, they take responsibility for both their behavior and their choices. They own their mistakes, learn from them, and use them to move forward.

How to Use It

Self-Awareness: Reflect on your strengths, weaknesses, and values. Understand what motivates you, what you’re good at, and what you’re passionate about in your career.
Initiative: Don’t wait for opportunities to come to you; create them. Seek out high-visibility projects. Build your skills with trainings that align with your goals.
Purpose: Ask yourself what you want to achieve and why it matters to you. Clarify your purpose and set clear career objectives.
Vision: Just like a main character embarks on a quest, visualize your career journey. Where do you want to be? How can you get there from where you are? Break the path down into achievable milestones.
Challenges: Use the difficulty. Instead of avoiding challenges, embrace them as opportunities to showcase your resilience and problem-solving abilities. Main characters mature throughout the story. Have a positive attitude when adapting to new situations and hold yourself accountable for your decisions and performance..
Self-esteem: When you doubt yourself, pull up your Atta Baby! file and remember your achievements. If you’re struggling, find a career coach.
Network: Main characters often rely on allies and mentors. Connect with people who can support your career journey, provide guidance, and open doors.
Celebrate: Acknowledge and celebrate your career achievements, no matter how small. Main characters draw on these recognitions to keep going.

Your career is a major plot line in your worklife story. Write it according to your vision and goals. Embrace your role as the main character and make your story matter.

How do you portray yourself to yourself in your worklife story? Please share in the comments.