Leadership – Page 4 – mardihumphreys.com

Your Real Budget

A house. An MBA. A vacation you’ve dreamt about since your first entry-level job. Big scary purchases like these force you to stop and ask a tough question. “Is it worth the money I’d have to spend?” But it’s not only about the price tag. It’s also about what else you have to trade for it: your time, energy, and attention in addition to your money. That’s your real budget. When any of those get stretched, your productivity, mental health, and values take the hit. How do you decide?

Let’s say you’re thinking about one of these:

An MBA program to switch careers or boost your salary.
Buying a house in a better school district.
Finally taking that two-week vacation to Europe.

They’re all valid options. And they all come with a cost.

Will this drain your capacity for work you care about?
Will this choice add to your stress?
Will you regret doing it?
Will you regret not doing it?

What Are You Really Investing?

Earning your MBA is not only tuition, It’s also late nights, weekend classes, fewer hours for friends, family, or rest. If your job is already demanding, is your current energy level up for this?

Buying a house may seem like an upgrade. But it may double your commute, stretch your mortgage, or add home maintenance tasks you never had to think about. Can you make time for that?

Even the vacation, which sounds like self-care, can eat up time in planning, money you may need later, and attention you should be giving to pressing deadlines. Do you have the attention span for it?

Think about:

Are you willing to invest the time it takes to make this work?
Do you have the energy for it, or are you borrowing against burnout?
What other priorities will lose your attention?
What will you have to say no to, either now or later, because of this cost?

Are You Doing This for the Right Reasons?

Your college friends are going back for grad school. Your family thinks it’s time you bought property. Your coworker just returned from Italy. But if the cost doesn’t line up with your values, it’s going to backfire. For example:

If freedom is a core value, taking on $80K in student debt may weigh you down more than it lifts you up.
If you value stability, moving across the country for a job with a higher salary, and a higher cost of living, may not be the right move.
If competition drives you, the selfies you take in Milan may one up your coworker temporarily, but the cost is long-term.

What Are the Long-term Consequences?

Imagine yourself three years from now:

Will the MBA help you earn more, or delay your ability to save for a home?
Will buying a house now lock you into a job you’re already outgrowing?
Will a vacation refresh you or set back your emergency fund?
Will this investment open more doors or close some?
Will it still feel like it was worth your time, energy, attention, and money?

How do you make decisions about the resources that shape your life? Please share in the comments.

Pitching Change

You know you need presentation skills for giving a speech. But if you work with other people, you’re presenting all the time. In a Slack message. On a Zoom call. In a 15-minute check-in. Anytime you share an idea, pitch a change, or walk someone through your work, you’re presenting. And how well you do that matters. A lot.

The ability to present your ideas clearly and confidently is a soft skill that affects how you’re perceived, how well you get your work done, and how much influence you have. Here’s why.

Saves Time

We’ve all been in meetings where someone explains an idea for five minutes and afterward you’re still not sure what they meant. You’re confused about what you’re supposed to do with this information and frustrated that’s five minutes of your life you’ll never get back. Clear communication puts the focus on what matters. For example: You’re working on a new internal process that will speed up client onboarding. Instead of walking your team through every detail, you say: “Here’s what’s changing, why it matters, and how it will save us five hours a week.” Then limit your explanation to just those items. Now they’re with you.

Builds Trust

Presenting ideas well isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about demonstrating you did the work. When you share ideas confidently, even in a one-on-one conversation, people take you seriously. The more you know your material and your audience, the less likely you’ll ramble, hedge, or over-explain. For example: You’re proposing a change to your team’s project timeline. You open with: “Here’s what I want to walk you through: the new timeline, what we gain from it, and how it keeps us on track without burnout.” You’re not just suggesting, you’re leading.

Drives Growth

People who communicate well advance their careers faster because they can show the value of what they know. According to a LinkedIn Workplace Learning Report, 92% of talent professionals say soft skills matter as much or more than hard skills. And communication tops the list. For example: You’re up for a stretch role that involves more cross-functional work. If you clearly present your past wins, share your approach, and respond to questions without spiraling, you’re more likely to land the opportunity.

Promotes Buy-In

You don’t need to be in sales to need persuasion skills. Every time you pitch a new idea, even internally, you’re trying to persuade someone. When you present well, you make it easy for people to say yes. That often means starting with the benefit to them, not you. For example, the next time you share one of your ideas, say this:“There are three things about this idea that I’m really excited about because they will help us hit our goals faster, save resources, and make things easier for the team.” Then dive into your proposal. Create interest and buy-in from the start.

Improves Results

When you’re boring or confusing, people check out. When you’re clear and direct, they lean in. For example: In a weekly team sync, you summarize a project’s status by saying: “We’re 75% done, we’ve cleared the two biggest obstacles, and we’re on pace to finish two days early.” That gets attention. You do more than inform, you engage.

Fosters Collaboration

When you present your thoughts clearly, you’re not just sharing your ideas, you’re creating space for others to build on them. For example: You’re brainstorming a solution for a client issue. You say: “Here’s my starting point. It fixes the core issue, works within budget, and gets us to resolution by Friday. Where do you see gaps or better options?” Now your team can focus on refining the solution instead of trying to figure out what you meant.

How do you effectively present your ideas? Please share in the comments.

Getting in Shape

This week I’m sharing a few questions I’m frequently asked about soft skills. If you feel like you’re managing a team that does what you say but nothing more, you’re not alone. Leading by compliance can get you results. But if you want people to bring their energy, skills, and ideas to the table then you have to inspire them. But how?

Can Soft Skills Be Developed?

Yes, and it takes intention. Think of soft skills like a muscle you have to train. You get better through practice, feedback, and observation. For example, you can learn to listen without interrupting, you can get better at showing empathy, and you can grow more comfortable owning your mistakes.

How Do You Measure Soft Skills?

They’re harder to measure than technical skills, but not impossible. You might track them by asking for 360-degree feedback from colleagues or by reflecting on how people respond to you. Do teammates come to you for advice? Are they honest with you? Do they seem motivated? These signals can tell you if your soft skills are working.

Why Are Soft Skills So Hard To Improve?

Three things: You often don’t get immediate feedback, your habits may be deeply ingrained, and improvement can feel uncomfortable. For example, showing vulnerability takes courage. If you push through that discomfort, you’ll see a huge shift in how your team responds to you. Here are four examples of soft skills and how to start exercising them right away.

Building Kindness

Kindness at work isn’t about being nice for its own sake. It’s about helping people feel seen and supported. Let’s say a teammate misses a deadline. Your gut reaction may be frustration. Instead of acting out of that emotion, schedule a quick one-on-one and calmly ask what got in the way. Maybe they’re swamped or dealing with personal issues. By showing you care, you open the door for a real conversation about workload, priorities, or support. And you send a clear signal that they matter beyond their output.

Building Trust

Trust is about giving others space to do their best work and believing they will. Let’s say you’re leading a project and have a big presentation coming up. A colleague offers to take on a tricky section. Even if you’re tempted to micromanage, you let them own it and you tell them you trust their expertise. That sense of ownership can motivate them to give their best effort, and it frees you up to focus on the bigger picture.

Building Vulnerability

Vulnerability at work is about honesty, especially when it feels risky. Let’s say during a team meeting you share you’re worried about hitting a deadline because of conflicting priorities. Instead of acting like you’ve got it all handled, you invite others to help problem-solve. You’ll be surprised how quickly teammates rally around you when you model openness.

Building Accountability

Accountability means holding yourself, and others, to commitments, while being fair. Let’s say you promise to deliver a report by Friday. Thursday rolls around, and you realize you won’t make it. You send a quick message explaining why and propose a new deadline. That small move shows your team that you don’t sweep things under the rug, and that you respect their time and trust.

What other soft skills would you have included? Please share in the comments.

Beyond the Standard

We’ve all been there. The project that was supposed to be simple turns into something bigger, harder, and more time consuming than you expected. You don’t just get things done. You do them to a higher standard. That extra effort can pay off, but it almost always takes more time and energy than you planned.

It’s the Law

One reason is Parkinson’s Law: “Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.” You give yourself a week to write a presentation, and somehow it takes a week, even if you could have done it in two days. Or you procrastinate until the last day, then scramble to finish. That’s where it gets tricky. How can you tell the difference between Parkinson’s Law slowing you down versus the simple reality that excellence takes longer? Continuing our example of preparing a pitch deck for a big client, if you only give yourself one afternoon, you’ll rush through it and probably copy a standard template. But if you want excellence, customizing the deck, tailoring the message, and practicing the delivery, it may take three full days. You may think you’re being slow, but you’re actually doing deep work. On the other hand, if you keep tweaking fonts and adding new slides all week long because you’re avoiding sending it, that’s Parkinson’s Law at work.

Rule of Thumb

Excellence feels hard, but it moves forward. Parkinson’s Law feels busy, but stuck. If you’re learning, improving, clarifying, or producing higher-quality work, then you’re likely on the excellence path. If you’re constantly polishing, stalling, or starting over without real progress, then you may be letting Parkinson’s Law slow you down.

Keep Moving Forward

Set shorter deadlines: Give yourself less time than you think you need. Not to rush, but to push for focus. If it really does need more time, you’ll find out quickly and can plan for it.

Break work into chunks – Instead of: finish the project, aim to: finish the outline by Tuesday, gather feedback by Friday, etc. This stops you from drifting.

Build in review time – If you plan a day or two to step back and review your work before final delivery, you get the benefits of excellence and the discipline of a deadline.

Watch for procrastination triggers – Be honest. Are you avoiding getting started because you’re afraid it won’t be perfect? Progress matters more than perfection. Starting gives you momentum.

Check in with others – Talk to colleagues or mentors about how long similar work usually takes. It’s a reality check to see if you’re being thorough or just spinning your wheels.

Embrace learning curves – Excellence means growing skills. It takes longer to do something well the first time. If you’re pushing beyond what you know, that’s a good thing. The next time you feel discouraged that excellence is taking so long, ask yourself: Am I making progress? Am I learning or improving? If yes, stay the course. If not, shorten the deadline, break the task down, and commit to shipping what’s good enough. Then improve on it next time.

How do you tell the difference between striving for excellence and spinning your wheels? Please share in the comments.

Half Way There

Back in March, we did a reflection on the first quarter of the year. Now that we’re approaching the end of Q2, it’s time to evaluate the first half of 2025.

If you read the article, Quarterly Contemplation, and followed the final prompt to set goals for the following three months, pull those out. Did you achieve them? If so, what behaviors helped you? What got in the way? What could you tweak? If you have not reached your Q1 goals yet, how are they coming?

Last week, we talked about measuring success. I received feedback asking how you can shift your mindset when you are in the habit of comparing yourself to others. So, let’s focus on that for our end of Q2 reflection. These questions are meant to keep you anchored in what you can control: your choices, your mindset, and your direction.

Am I living up to my values?

It’s easy to get distracted by other people’s milestones, but their path may have nothing to do with what matters to you. Maybe you value creativity, but you’re comparing yourself to someone who’s climbing the management ladder. Different values, different paths.

For Example: Let’s say you’re in a marketing role and someone else on your team is great at landing speaking gigs. Before you start thinking, “I should be doing that,” ask yourself: “Is that the kind of contribution I want to make?” Maybe you care more about solving tough messaging problems or mentoring newer teammates. Write down your top three values related to work. For Q3, what happens when you align your daily tasks with them?

Do I know what my purpose is?

Purpose doesn’t have to mean saving the world. It can be as simple as learning your craft, building relationships, or getting better at delegation. The key is knowing what your work is building.

For Example: Let’s say you’re a project manager. Right now, your purpose might be building a track record of reliable delivery. That way, when bigger projects open up, you’re the obvious choice. Purpose creates direction and it helps you stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. Finish this sentence: “The purpose of my work right now is…” For Q3, what happens when you keep that sentence somewhere visible when you’re feeling distracted?

What’s my potential if I keep showing up?

It’s easy to get frustrated when success feels slow, but what could your job look like in six months if you stay consistent?

For Example: Think about a junior software developer learning a new coding language. Comparing yourself to a senior engineer won’t help but practicing every day will. The gap between where you are and where you want to be closes through daily effort, not overnight wins. For Q3, what if you strive for 1% improvement every day?

Does my behavior match the future I want?

Want to lead a team one day? Are you acting like someone who’s ready to lead? Want to be known as a problem-solver? Are you tackling problems, or waiting for someone else to handle them?

For Example: Let’s say you work in operations and your long-term goal is to move into leadership. Your future is shaped by today’s actions not by what someone else is doing. For Q3, what happens when you volunteer for cross-team projects? Offer solutions in meetings? Take ownership when things go sideways?

What are some questions you think we should ponder here at the end of Q2? Please share in the comments.

The Right Measure

If you constantly compare yourself to others, you chase a standard that shifts every time you get close. There’s always someone getting promoted faster, managing bigger projects, or getting more recognition than you. If you measure yourself by their successes, you’ll never feel like you’re enough.

And here’s the kicker: You likely judge yourself not by what others actually think, but by what you assume they think. You guess what your manager values. You assume your team sees you falling behind. You imagine that everyone else is operating at peak performance all the time. But that’s not real. And it’s not useful.

Flip Your Focus

The next time you compare yourself to a more successful coworker, try shifting your attention inward. Instead of asking, “Am I as successful as they are?” Ask yourself:

Am I better today than I was yesterday?
Did I learn something new?
Did I make a meaningful contribution?

That paradigm shift matters. Success is an external measure. It can be valuable information, but don’t let it define you. Use your success metrics like data. What are they telling you?

For example: Let’s say one of your Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) is the number of client accounts you manage. You’re under target by 10%. That doesn’t automatically mean you’re failing. Dig into it. Maybe you’ve been onboarding new clients. That work doesn’t count toward the metric but it still matters.

Use Your KPIs

Reframe the way you think about your KPIs. They aren’t a report card. They’re not a moral judgment. They’re tools. It’s easy to tie your identity to your outputs. But you don’t control every variable. You can’t make a customer sign a contract. You can’t force a stakeholder to give faster feedback. You can’t make a product ship before it’s ready.

But you can control your own actions: How many new leads did you contact today? How many blockers did you resolve on that project? How many updates did you send to keep others aligned? Those are behaviors you own. They compound. They create momentum.

When your KPIs aren’t where you want them, think about what needs to change. What’s missing or unclear? What habits or inputs can you adjust?

On the other hand, when they are where you want them to be, think about what’s working. Can you replicate it? Is this a system worth sharing with your team?

Your Progress

Instead of measuring success by comparing yourself to your coworkers, try measuring your progress. For example:

Do you have more connections than you did last month?
Did you reach out to more clients this week than last?
Did you lead a better meeting today than you did last week?

If so, you’re growing. That’s the measure that counts. Aim for getting 1% better every day. You get to decide what success looks like for you.

Your Future

Success is about the past. It’s what you did. But the past is over and you can’t change it without a DeLorean, a working flux capacitor, and plutonium. So, concentrate on today and tomorrow. You can’t control the future, but you can influence it. The way you manage your calendar today, the decisions you make in this meeting, the effort you bring to this email; all those actions shape what tomorrow will look like.

What is your measure of success? Please share in the comments.

What Matters?

It’s time to rethink your expectations around job benefits. Health insurance, 401(k)s, and Paid Time Off (PTO) used to be standard. Now, they’re negotiable. Rising costs, shifting priorities, and new work models are changing what companies can offer. What employee benefits can you ask for? Can you design a plan both you and your employer are happy with?

Why Employers Offer Fewer Benefits

Healthcare: Premiums continue to rise and companies are struggling to keep up. Offering comprehensive plans can cost thousands of dollars per employee, per year. Government rules around healthcare, insurance, and employment affect what companies are required to offer.

Profit: Small and midsize businesses may want to provide great benefits but they can’t afford to. Profit margins are tight. Even big companies are watching the bottom line. Short-term and freelance contractors and at-will hiring mean different obligations for employers.

Flexibility: Some employers are moving away from standard plans to offer personalized options: more cash, stipends, or the ability to customize your benefits. A one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work. Companies are starting to tailor benefits to age, life stage, or role.

How to Rethink Your Expectations

You don’t have to settle for less. But you do need to adjust your expectations based on where you are in life and what matters to you right now.

Evaluate: Ask yourself: Do my benefits expectations match my role, experience, and life stage? For example, moving into leadership might mean shifting from PTO priorities to executive coaching or equity. A new parent might prioritize healthcare over travel perks.

Refocus: Your needs change. What mattered to you when you were 25 years old probably doesn’t matter at 50. Don’t cling to outdated goals. Shift your focus based on what’s useful to you today.

Traditional Benefits Missing? Ask for These

Education or Upskilling: Ask if they’ll fund certifications, courses, or conference attendance. It helps you grow, and you will use what you learn to help them.

PTO for Mental Health Days: Even if PTO is limited, see if you can take a few days each year to unplug without using vacation time.

Flexible Work Arrangements: If they want you on-site five days a week but don’t offer benefits, ask for a hybrid schedule. Saving time and money on commuting has real value.

Technology or Home Office Stipend: Working remotely? Ask for support with home internet, desk setups, or hardware.

Know What to Ask

Use the conversation to shape the benefits that matter to you. Negotiate for what you need. Be proactive, specific, realistic, and adaptable. Your goal is to satisfy both you and your employer. You won’t know what’s possible unless you ask. Here are some questions you can use:

“Is the benefits package flexible?”
“What kind of mental health support is included?”
“Do you offer nontraditional perks like student loan help?”
“What benefits are included beyond salary?”
“What professional development resources are available?”
“Can we add a few mental health days or a stipend for leadership training?”
“Can you increase base pay or offer a monthly health stipend to offset insurance costs?”
“Are flexible hours or hybrid options negotiable?”
“Can we revisit the package in six months based on performance?”

What work benefits are most important to you? Please share in the comments.

Quiet Influencer

When you’re looking for a new job, you probably focus on your resume, networking, and interview prep. But there’s another variable quietly influencing your search: your credit history.

Most potential employers can’t see your credit score. This is a numerical rating between 300 and 850 summarizing your credit history. It shows how well you manage debt.

But potential employers can access your credit report as part of a background check. This is a detailed record of your credit history compiled by credit bureaus like Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion.

Credit information can signal to an employer how responsible you are with money. Late payments, maxed-out credit cards, or unpaid debts may make them think twice about hiring you.

What Employers See

Payment history: Whether you pay your bills on time
Credit card balances: How much debt you’re carrying
Outstanding loans: Student loans, personal loans, car loans, etc.
Public records: Bankruptcies, foreclosures, and accounts in collections

Why Employers Check Credit

If a job involves handling money, managing budgets, or accessing sensitive data, a credit check is a tool employers use to assess whether you can be trusted with financial or confidential responsibilities. A history of missed payments or financial trouble may be interpreted, fairly or not, as a sign you make poor decisions under pressure.

If you’re going for a position at a financial services company, then expect to get your credit report pulled. But any employer can include a credit check as part of a background screening.

How It Can Affect Your Job Search

Let’s say you’re applying for a role at a mid-size tech company as an operations lead. You’ve got a great resume and solid experience. But the role also involves managing budgets and vendor payments. If the company runs a credit check and sees you have a recent bankruptcy, it could lead to doubts about your financial reliability. This doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be rejected. But if the hiring manager is weighing two qualified candidates, your credit history could become a deciding factor.

You Have Rights

If a company plans to check your credit as part of a background screening, they must ask for your written permission first. If they decide not to hire you because of what they find in your credit report, they must notify you. You also have the right to know which report they used (Equifax, Experian, or TransUnion), review it for errors, and dispute any inaccuracies so this won’t happen the next time you apply for a job.

What You Can Do Now

It’s not time to panic, but you do need to be aware of what’s on your credit report. Here are three things you can do today:

Check: Go to Annual Credit Report.com. You’re entitled to a free report from each of the three major credit bureaus (Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion) once a year. Check for errors, outdated info, or accounts you don’t recognize.

Improve: If you spot missed payments or high balances, prioritize making payments on time and pay down debt. Even small progress shows financial responsibility and may help your case if you’re asked about it during the hiring process.

Rehearse: If you know your credit history could raise red flags, prepare a brief, honest explanation. For example: “A few years ago, I had a medical emergency that affected my finances, but since then I’ve been steadily rebuilding and haven’t missed a payment in over 18 months.” This keeps the focus on how you took responsibility and what steps you’re still taking to improve.

How do you feel about the impact of your credit history on your career? Please share in the comments.

The Discomfort Zone

Every day you show up, log in, and face a mix of meetings, messages, and missions. One part of your brain is ready to tackle the day. Another part is whispering you’re not cut out for this, you’re falling behind, or someone is going to realize you don’t actually know what you’re doing. The hardest work isn’t always on your to-do list. Sometimes, it’s in your head.

Take Action

You’ve probably heard of Impostor Syndrome. It’s the feeling you’re one mistake away from being found out. SPOILER ALERT: Everyone is an impostor. No one knows everything. Successful people keep moving in spite of their fear. Let’s say you’ve been asked to lead a project that feels a little too big. You tell yourself someone else would be more qualified. You consider turning it down or waiting for a time when you feel more ready. That feeling you interpret as a red flag is actually a sign you’re growing. Don’t wait for it to disappear. Step forward and get past it. The next time you feel like an impostor, say this to yourself, “I feel uncertain, but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable.” Then take one small action: Send the kickoff email. Ask a question. Book the meeting. Build momentum before doubt has time to settle in.

Awkward Practice

Instead of comparing yourself to your coworker who seems to always have it all together, ask yourself, “Am I better today than I was yesterday?” Growth usually isn’t a big leap. It’s a series of small shifts. Let’s say you struggle with leading meetings. You freeze under pressure or feel awkward when the discussion goes off-track. Instead of waiting to magically become more confident, rehearse a few common scenarios. Script a few go-to phrases you can fall back on like: “Let’s pause for a second. What’s the main decision we need to make here?” Or “That’s a good point. How do you see that impacting the timeline?” Practice these out loud. When the moment comes, your brain won’t scramble for words because it will already have them. Also, when something feels uncomfortable or new, ask a curious question instead of retreating. For example: Instead of saying, “I don’t know how to do this,” try, “What’s the first thing I’d need to understand to make progress?” Curiosity shifts you from panic to problem-solving.

Be Brave

Scroll through LinkedIn and you’ll see perfect projects, prominent prizes, and polished personal brands. But you’re not seeing the stress, the edits, or the three failed drafts behind those posts. If you’re holding back at work because you’re worried about not having all the answers, that’s normal. But if you let that fear guide your decisions, you’ll stay stuck. To be productive you have to be brave enough to make mistakes out in the open. Let’s say you’re in a team meeting and someone suggests a direction you’re not sure will work. You have an idea, but it’s not fully formed. You can either stay quiet or speak up, knowing you may be wrong. Say something like: “That is very interesting. We should definitely consider that. And it makes me wonder (Insert the thing you’re wondering here.) Would that work?” You’re not pretending to be the expert. You’re starting a new conversation. That’s valuable. Also, give yourself permission to say, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” You build trust by owning your gaps instead of pretending you don’t have any.

How do you move through your discomfort zone at work? Please share in the comments.

Dark Empathy

A volunteer and I were troubleshooting the usual challenges an event brings when I said, “Misery loves company.” Without missing a beat, they replied, “Don’t be a misery partner.” This gave me pause. I wasn’t just expressing dissatisfaction. I was inviting someone into it. Is that the right thing to do? Misery loves company, but do you have to RSVP?

What It Really Means

You’ve probably heard the phrase before, but let’s be clear: “Misery loves company” means that unhappy people often look for others to share in their pain. Sometimes it’s about validation,“You feel this too, right?” Other times it’s darker. If someone is stuck in a bad mood it can feel comforting to pull others into the same mindset. Misery doesn’t just want to be seen. It wants companionship.

Why We Do It

Validation: Misery can feel isolating. Sharing it with someone makes it feel less lonely.

Mood-matching: If you’re angry or disillusioned, it can feel easier if the person next to you is too. Misery becomes a shared lens.

Identity Reinforcement: If you stay in that space long enough, you begin to expect and even seek out negative experiences. It becomes part of how you navigate work and relationships.

When It Becomes a Problem

In the short term, it feels good to vent. It builds rapport. It can even feel productive. But over time, it shifts from bonding to spiraling. For example: Let’s say you have a coworker who habitually wants to talk about how bad leadership is. Every team meeting, every direct message, it comes up. At first, you agree. But soon, you’re both repeating the same frustrations. Nothing changes. The venting doesn’t lead to clarity or action just mutual grievance. That’s misery partnering. When two or more people reinforce each other’s worst perspectives, you’re no longer helping each other process. You’re keeping each other stuck.

How to Spot It at Work

Misery partnering isn’t always loud. It can look like two coworkers grabbing coffee just to complain. It can happen in team group chats or in “just being real” sidebars. It drains your energy and clouds your decision-making. When your default mode is skepticism or complaint, even good ideas start to feel naive. You stop contributing. You play it safe. You protect your mood instead of doing your best work. If you experience any of these, then ask yourself:

Am I sharing this to feel better, or to feel right?
Does this conversation go in circles?
After we talk, do I feel lighter or more stuck?
Are we taking any action, or just blaming?

What You Can Do Instead

You don’t have to cut off every frustrated coworker and you don’t have to bottle things up. You do need to be mindful about how much airtime you’re giving to frustration and whether it’s helping. The next time a coworker starts spiraling, don’t pile on. Listen, but then steer. Ask what they need. Suggest one step forward.

Start with this mantra, “I can listen without absorbing. I can empathize without enabling. I can share my own frustrations without needing someone to sink with me.” Call it what it is: a moment, not a mindset. If you catch yourself being the one pulling others in, pause and ask yourself: “What do I actually want right now? Validation? Change? Relief?”

If you’re stuck in a loop with someone who’s always venting, try asking: “What are you thinking about doing next?” It’s a gentle nudge out of rumination and into action.

How do you avoid becoming a misery partner at work? Please share in the comments.