Emotional Intelligence – Page 3

Time Keeps on Ticking

Managing your time at work is challenging. A coworker Skypes you and the interruption derails your focus. Checking your phone plunges you down digital rabbit holes. The research your manager assigned you triggers information overload and bogs down your process. The next thing you know two hours have whistled past your ears.

What’s Happening?

It can be tricky to tell whether you’re procrastinating or distracted, so let’s define our terms. Procrastination is intentionally avoiding tasks you need to complete. For example, instead of calling a high-maintenance customer, you choose to check your Snapchat. Distraction happens when external stimuli pull you away from your tasks. For example, your smartphone dings notifying you someone has left a new Snap. Here are some examples of each and what you can do to battle both.

Procrastination

Challenge: You frequently delay working on tasks, even though you know they are important.

Suggestion: As soon as you receive an assignment, visualize how it will look when it is completed. Imagine feeling relieved it’s done, your manager is impressed by your work, and you have another addition to your “Atta Baby!” file.

Challenge: You rationalize to yourself why it’s okay to postpone tasks.

Suggestion: In about 50 words, write down (or type up) those rationalizations then read them out loud to yourself. If you have to explain to your manager why you didn’t complete the task using the 50 words you wrote, will you be embarrassed?

Challenge: You feel overwhelmed by projects so you avoid them.

Suggestion: Avoiding projects does not make them go away. Open up a spreadsheet and put the projects in order according to their deadlines. Reverse engineer each project so you know what tasks have to be done and give those tasks deadlines. Now you have project plans. Calendar the tasks so you are triggered to do them.

Distraction

Challenge: You quickly check your phone multiple times throughout the workday breaking your concentration.

Suggestion: Put your phone on silent and stick it in a drawer. Build breaks into your work schedule. Don’t go more than two hours without one. Commit to only checking your social media on those breaks.

Challenge: The constant barrage of DMs, texts, and emails pulls you away from your tasks.

Suggestion: Silence the notifications on all your communication mediums. Since your phone is already on silent and in a drawer, now turn off the desktop alerts that pop up on your screen every time someone sends you an email or direct message. Schedule 30 minutes on your calendar three or four times per workday to answer all those communications. If you are afraid of making your manager wait for your response, tell them about this plan and that it’s an effort to get your work done more efficiently.

Challenge: Multiple projects have you gathering tons of information. You spend hours sifting through it.

Suggestion: Remember those project plans you made back in Procrastination? When you pull up the spreadsheet to check off the task you accomplished, add the relevant details to it like dates, links to supporting articles, email addresses, any details you may need to bookmark where you are in the project. This information is also handy for quickly producing robust reports. If you feel overwhelmed by the number of spreadsheets you create, keep a list of them with hyperlinks on your desktop for easy reference and retrieval.

Do you lose control of your attention? What do you do to take it back? Please share in the comments.

High Pay Can Cost You

Welcome to the final article in our Toxic Traits series. In part one,
we asked what’s up with the toxicity-in-the-workplace trend. Part two
suggested what managers can do to mitigate its effects. Part three
explored how individual contributors can make workplaces less toxic. Now let’s talk about your wallet.

The allure of a high-paying job can be irresistible. You can have financial security. You can afford luxuries. You can climb up a rung or three on the social-status ladder. But those perks come with a hidden cost when the workplace environment is toxic.

The Pros

Stability: You can pay off debt, build savings, invest in property, and afford quality healthcare and education for both you and your family.

Comfort: You can upgrade your housing, travel more often, and participate in expensive hobbies.

Opportunities: Working in a high-stakes, high-paying environment offers valuable experience and visibility to leadership. These roles can be stepping stones to even more lucrative and prestigious positions within the organization.

The Cons

Stress: The constant negativity of a hostile work environment eventually destroys your productivity. Chronic stress leads to burnout, depression, and anxiety disorders. Stress also manifests physically through headaches, high blood pressure, diabetes, and/or a weakened immune system.

Balance: Toxic workplaces often demand excessive hours and emotional investment that erode the boundaries between your work and personal life. This imbalance strains relationships and reduces time available for self-care and fun.

Ethics: Working in a toxic environment may require you to compromise your principles. This creates internal conflict over moral dilemmas and reduces your self-esteem and professional integrity.

Only you can decide whether the financial benefits of a high-paying job in a toxic workplace are worth the negative impact. Some questions to ask yourself: How far will your resilience stretch? How long will these circumstances last? How patient will your support systems be?

Your Choice

The financial security and career advancement may outweigh the negative aspects, especially if you have effective coping mechanisms and strong external support. But do not underestimate the toll a toxic work environment takes on your mental and physical health, relationships, and overall happiness. The tipping point where toxicity outweighs financial compensation differs for everyone. Here are a few clues the job is no longer worth it.

Health: When your physical or mental health problems become obvious and unmanageable. When you always feel physically exhausted, mentally detached, and/or emotionally numb.

Relationships: When your personal relationships suffer significantly due to your work-related stress and unavailability.

Happiness: When the job requires compromising your values to the point where it affects your self-respect, you lose your sense of purpose, or the grind is relentless.

When You Can’t Leave Yet

If you depend on this job to pay your bills and can’t quit yet, recognize the signs of intolerable toxicity, evaluate your circumstances, and be proactive in mitigating its negative impacts.

Boundaries: Define, communicate, and maintain boundaries between your work life and your personal life to protect your time and relationships.

Cope: Lean on friends, family, and/or professional counselors to help you maintain both your mental and physical health. Relieve your stress through exercise, meditation, hobbies, or whatever self-care looks like for you.

Strategize: Invest in certifications that will open doors to better opportunities elsewhere. Attend networking events and connect with people who work in organizations you’d like to work for. Hire a career coach to help you prepare for your future. It’s good to have hope.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace because the job paid well? Was the compensation worth it? Please share in the comments.

Employees Engage

If you’re just joining us, we are in part 3 of 4 in our Toxic Traits series. So far, we’ve thought about why toxicity in the workplace seems to be on the rise and what managers can do to make the workplace less toxic.

Have you seen any Reels like these lately? Social media amplifies discussions about workplace issues, bringing visibility to toxic behaviors that used to be overlooked. While these videos make you laugh as well as feel seen, they don’t exactly help you solve your toxicity problem. Through collaboration, inclusivity, communication, and mutual respect you can help transform your workplace into an environment where both employer and employees thrive. This solution seems simple, but it’s not easy. So, what can employees do to make your workplace less toxic?

Communicate Effectively: Interact respectfully with colleagues and supervisors. Commit to constructive communication and use the appropriate medium. For example: When you feel like someone belittled your idea in a reply-all email, instead of immediately defending your position, reply all with, “I’d like to learn more. I’ll set up a call for you and I to go deeper.” Showing curiosity in their input signals you have an open mind. Pulling the issue out of the group email demonstrates emotional intelligence. By the way, keeping your mind open does not mean you have to change it.

Support Peers: Foster a collaborative atmosphere by helping your teammates. For example: When someone new joins your team, think about what you wish you’d known when you were in their shoes. Are there certain reference documents in the shared drive they should know about? Does the team take turns buying coffee? Offer to be available to answer their questions.

Engage Constructively: Participate positively in meetings to build a sense of community. For example: When your weekly check-ins start off with what went wrong, call out a teammate who helped make it right.

Manage Stress: Practice self-care to maintain personal well-being. Establish and maintain healthy boundaries around time spent on work. For example: When you receive a work email during Jeopardy! do NOT reply.

Report Issues: Speak up about toxic behaviors using appropriate channels. For example: When you repeatedly get left out of emails containing information pertinent to your responsibilities on the project, get face time with the source and ask them to add you to the thread. You do not have to be confrontational. Concentrate on the call to action. You can say, “Will you please add me to the email list for the project? It has come to my attention I need that information to complete my part of it. I can wait while you do that right now.”

Help Others: Embrace opportunities to stay engaged. For example: When your marketing department needs an extra hand hosting a table at an event your organization is sponsoring, volunteer to help. This gives you insight into another department, feedback on how your work contributes to your organization’s brand, and a networking opportunity.

Both employers and employees have crucial roles to play in growing a healthy workplace culture. It takes perseverance, but working together will decrease toxicity, increase productivity, and promote overall well-being for everyone in the organization.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace? What did you do to make it less toxic? Please share in the comments.

Managers Matter

Last week we wondered if workplaces are becoming more toxic in part one of our series, Toxic Traits. The growing awareness of the effect of employment on mental health keeps workplace cultures under scrutiny. We talked about possible causes and listed some clues to watch for. Every employee of an organization at every level influences its culture. This week let’s talk about how managers impact your work environment.

The Role of Control

Excessive control, whether through micromanagement or rigid policies, can lead to feelings of powerlessness and frustration among employees. On the other hand, a lack of control or guidance can create confusion and insecurity contributing to stress and dissatisfaction. To successfully supervise a team, managers must balance guidance with agency. Your team should have a clear mission as well as feel trusted to perform their duties.

Set Them Up for Success

Empowering employees with decision-making authority on how to meet their key performance indicators develops an individual contributor’s sense of ownership and accountability. Providing clear direction, like establishing monthly goals and coaching on how to reach them, sets your team up for success. When you balance oversight with autonomy you significantly reduce the potential for toxicity. Here are some suggestions.

Open Communication: Encourage transparency and honest feedback through regular check-ins with each member of your team. Allow your direct reports to voice their concerns without fear of retaliation. Address any issues quickly. This both prevents escalation and builds trust.

Clear Expectations: Define roles, responsibilities, and goals. Make sure they are realistic. When circumstances change, revisit them. Every six months at one of your check-ins, analyze how the last six months went. Align expectations for the next six months.

Work-Life Integration: Can you offer flexible working hours, remote work options, and/or resources for mental health and emotional well-being like an employee assistance program (EAP)? Can you budget for investing in professional training and personal development opportunities for your team? Continuing education in communication, leadership, and diversity will not only help them grow and feel valued, it will positively impact your organization’s bottom line. At the very least, ensure your employees take regular breaks and use their vacation days.

Foster Inclusivity: Create a culture of respect and belonging where diversity is valued and discrimination is not tolerated. Implement and enforce policies that protect against harassment and other toxic behaviors. Promote teamwork and collaboration to build strong, supportive relationships among coworkers. Check your hiring and promotion processes for hidden biases. Monitor your team’s workload distribution. Is one person doing all the heavy lifting?

Recognize Progress: Acknowledge employees’ hard work and achievements and reward them with public praise, an email to your Director, lunch with the C-Suite, or a gift card. Learn what type of recognition makes them feel valued and use it to reward them.

Lead by Example: Demonstrate the values and positive behaviors you want to see from your team. You set the tone for the organization.

Both employers and employees have a role in preventing workplace toxicity. Next week in part three of this series, Toxic Traits, we’ll look at some of the ways employees can promote a healthy work culture.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace? What was your manager’s role in the toxicity? Please share your story in the comments.

All the Feels

Does your workplace feel more toxic lately? Behavior once normalized or ignored is now being challenged and more openly addressed. Is there really more recognition and willingness to confront existing issues? Or have additional pressures and rapid changes in modern work environments actually increased their toxicity?

What Is Going On?

The stressors COVID-19 introduced, like remote work challenges and layoffs, heightened feelings of toxicity. Since the end of the pandemic, lots of other factors have surfaced. For example, the accelerated pace of digital transformation, heavier workloads due to short staffing, and a greater emphasis on productivity. Societal issues like economic instability, Artificial Intelligence advancements, and disagreements over national and local politics add to a workplace’s toxicity. The expanding gig economy introduces new stressors, like job insecurity and isolation, which can worsen feelings of toxicity.

Are Workplaces Inherently Toxic?

No, but certain conditions can foster toxicity if left unchecked. The nature of a workplace depends on its culture, management, and habits. Toxicity comes from a combination of ingredients like poor leadership, lack of clear communication, unrealistic expectations, the absence of support systems, and unaddressed conflicts. A workplace culture that rewards open communication, values employee well-being, and practices mutual respect is less likely to be toxic. On the other hand, a highly competitive culture that prioritizes results over well-being can breed toxicity if not managed properly.

How Can You Tell?

High Turnover: A constant influx and outflow of employees suggests dissatisfaction and a problematic workplace culture. For example: Have 28% of your new coworkers left within the first 90 days of their employment?

Low Engagement: Disinterest, lack of self-motivation, cynicism, and minimal participation in workplace activities are red flags. For example: How many people actually showed up for the annual company picnic last year?

Poor Communication: Ineffective communication channels, lack of transparency, and withheld information contribute to mistrust and confusion leading to frequent misunderstandings among team members. For example, in the last week, how many meetings that should have been emails did you attend?

Work-Life Imbalance: Excessive overtime, unrealistic deadlines, and constant pressure lead to stress and burnout. For example: When you ask your manager when a project is due is their standard answer, “Yesterday.”?

Negative Interactions: Bullying, gossip, and cliques create a hostile and divisive atmosphere. Any form of prejudice or harassment, whether subtle or overt, contributes significantly to toxicity. For example: When you go to the break room and your manager is in a whispered conversation with your coworker, do they look at you with startled expressions, stop talking, and leave the room.

Unfair Practices: Favoritism, discrimination, and unequal treatment undermine morale and trust. For example: Are the ideas you suggest in meetings frequently ignored, then a few minutes later someone else presents your idea as their own and it’s considered brilliant?

Micro Managers: Excessive control by supervisors and lack of employee autonomy stifle creativity, lead to resentment, and reduce job satisfaction. For example, if your manager is in the office, do you have to be in the office too?

Both employers and employees have a responsibility to make sure their work environments do not turn toxic. Next week in part two of this series, Toxic Traits, we’ll talk about how employers can ensure a healthy workplace.

Were you ever employed in a toxic workplace? What was your first hint that the culture was toxic? Please share in the comments.

Assess Your Success

This is the final installment in the series, Stop and Think. For the last three weeks we’ve talked about reflecting on how you spent your time, energy, and attention on your work for the first half of 2024. This week, let’s stop and think about the money you make.

Your Decision

Society uses money to gauge success. But that does not mean you have to. If you make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, but have no time or energy to spend them the way you want, is that really success? Success is not actually about the money. It’s how you feel about the money. If making a lot of money is important to you, ask yourself why. What does the money you want buy you?

Our culture trains us to believe the more money you have the more options you have. While that can be true, it is also true that with more money comes more expectations. You have to figure out the balance between how much money is enough to reach your goals and what you’re willing to do to get it.

Think about that in relation to reflecting on your goals half way through 2024. Has your definition of success changed since January? Maybe at the start of the year you were focused on financial gains, but now a flexible schedule is more important to you. Update your definition of success and adjust both your goals and systems accordingly. Here are some questions to help you rethink your definition of success.

Is management happy with your job performance?
Is your family happy with your work-life integration?
If you have given your best effort for the last six months, what are three things you are most happy about accomplishing?
Are your original goals still relevant? For example: Did you discover a new skill in the last sixth months and you want to get certified in it? If so, then it’s time to rethink your original goals.

Your Climb

Success is more like climbing a tree than like climbing a ladder. You may need to move laterally, switching branches, before you can climb higher. For example, you may have to change jobs or acquire new capabilities. Moving in reverse or taking a different branch of the tree can often lead to your desired destination more effectively than sticking to your original goal. It may also reveal a new destination you were not aware of that you want more. For example: Is your definition of success more money or is it more control of your lifestyle? Do you have rare and in-demand skills that would allow you to work the hours that you dictate? Time is more valuable than money. You can always make more money. You cannot make more time.

You do not have to wait six months to reflect on your progress, alignment, systems, or success. If you normalize rethinking when new information warrants it and embrace the change then your self-awareness will grow. Periodic realignment keeps you motivated and helps you pursue what type of success truly matters to you.

How do you define success? Please share in the comments.

Assess Your Systems

This is part three of four in the series, Stop and Think. In part one, we talked about reflecting on how you spent your time during the first two quarters of this year. Last week we put some energy into applying the insights you gained to update your goals for the rest of 2024. This week, let’s take your newly iterated SMART goals and turn our attention to your systems for reaching them.

What is the Difference?

SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound) goals help you break down big ambitions into manageable tasks and set a timeline for reaching them. Goals are the results you want to attain. Developing systems focuses on your process to achieve those results. Now that you have updated your goals for 2024, you also need to update your systems. I’m thinking here of a quote from Atomic Habits:

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
James Clear

Reflecting on the last six months, do you see where your current routine led you to where you are now? How far off target are you? Gradual improvement is key to reaching your SMART goals. The purpose of your habits should be to help you keep making incremental progress. Flexibility and adaptability ensure that your incremental progress is in the right direction. Adjust your habits so they give you both the consistency and direction you need. For example, let’s say you got reassigned to a new department in May and are getting acquainted with four new team mates. Having a system to build relationships with them so that you can get to know, like, and trust each other will not only enable your team to complete work assignments faster, but also increase the quality of your projects’ results. Your system for getting to know your four coworkers is asking them how their weekends went during your project status meetings, so progress is slow. To get to know them more efficiently, calendar a 30-minute coffee meeting at the beginning of the workday every Tuesday for a month with a different team member. If during one of these coffee talks you discover it’s going to take more than 30 minutes to get acquainted with a certain team member, then schedule another coffee for next month. Experiment with your systems and adjust them to serve your goals. This helps you remain agile and open to change. Adaptability is crucial to your success at work. It is essential for navigating the challenges of your current responsibilities. It is also a highly sought after power skill.

What’s Next?

Let your manager know you have updated your goals and systems in your next one-to-one meeting. Give them a brief summary of your reflection including what you noticed was not working well, your updated goal, and your new plan to reach the goal. Tell them you intend to implement this process through the end of Q3, then report the results back to them at the beginning of October. This not only helps you be accountable, it also lets your manager see you are self-motivated, take initiative, and are a leader.

What modifications can you make to your routine to improve the systems that support your goals? Please share in the comments.

Assess Your Alignment

This is part two of four in the series, Stop and Think. Last week we began our discussions on reflection. We talked about how you spent your time at work since January and how you can use that information to decide how to spend the rest of your year. Given that insight, let’s spend some energy thinking about why you should adjust your current work goals for the rest of 2024.

Everything Changes

Last week you saw how far you’ve come and how much farther you want to go. This reevaluation is crucial. Do not feel bad for rethinking your goals. They should not be static. They should progress as you do. If your reflection revealed that some of the goals you set in January for 2024 no longer align with your values or circumstances, then adjust them. Here are some things to think about.

Have your circumstances changed? For example, Did you get reassigned to a different department? If so, then it will take some time to acclimate to your new tasks and team.
Has what you accomplished in the last six months influenced what you want to do next? For example, did exceeding your key performance indicators every month for the last six months prompt your manager to give you a high visibility project? To do well on the new project you may have to push pause on other goals.
Have your priorities shifted? For example, have you taken on a caregiver role at home? This may require you to negotiate for a hybrid or remote work situation and flexible hours.

You Have Options

The answers to these questions do not mean you have to abandon your ambitions. They ensure your goals serve you instead of you serving your goals. For example, let’s say one of your goals in January was to complete a degree or certification by December. Here you are in June and your progress is slower than you expected. Are you going to rush through the material and accept barely-passing marks so you can graduate by your original deadline? Or are you going to extend your graduation timeline into 2025 so you can better learn and retain the material, pass the exams with flying colors, and make your completion both more meaningful and more useful?

You Are SMART

You can apply the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound) goal framework to help you decide. Building on the above example, let’s say completing a certification was a goal in January then you got reassigned to a new department in April. You can ask yourself if completing the certification by December is a SMART goal. A SMART goal verifies why the goal you want to achieve is relevant, but it does not tell you how you are going to achieve that goal. For that you need a system of processes that support your SMART goals and help you address obstacles. Next week in part three of our series, we will talk about how to use your reflections to create a strategic plan for reaching your updated SMART goals.

How does defining why you need to adjust your goals help you achieve them? Please share in the comments.

Assess Your Progress

As we quickly approach the end of the first half of 2024, it’s a good time to pause and reflect on how far you’ve come since January. This is part one of four in the series, Stop and Think. For the next four weeks, we will discuss taking a moment to assess your progress and set yourself up for a successful second half of the year in terms of the time, energy, attention, and money you spend on your work. First up, let’s look at how you spent your time.

What Did You Do?

If you are surprised 2024 is almost half over, then you are probably caught up in getting your daily life done. It’s time to stop and celebrate the milestones you reached so far. But reflecting on progress isn’t just about recognition. It’s also about understanding how you got it and using that insight to fuel future endeavors. Reflection should consist of both past and future. From where you are turn around and look behind you. What did you accomplish? Here are some prompts to help you think.

Did you reach a significant milestone? For example: Did you get a promotion? Win an industry award? Secure a significant client?
What was your biggest accomplishment? For example: Did you complete a degree or certification? Did a customer contact your manager and sing your praises? Did you fix an outdated process that saved the organization lots of money?
What lessons have you learned from setbacks? For example: How did your coworkers react when they were frustrated? What affirmations did you tell yourself to make the setback a push forward? What process did you use to analyze your result and pinpoint where the setback began?

What Will You Do?

Now turn back around and look ahead at the rest of the year and consider what more you want to achieve. Look at your answers to the prompts in the last section. How will you build on those insights? Let’s take milestones for example. If your most significant milestone was a promotion, what can you do in the next six months to make management feel really smart for giving it to you? If you won an industry award, how can you use that platform to bring awareness to the great things your organization does for the community? If you secured a significant client, how can you leverage that relationship to include mentoring a junior member of your team?

How Do You Do?

Daily reflections may seem excessive, but jotting down thoughts and feelings can provide immediate insights and allow for quick adjustments. For example: What one thing stressed you out the most at work today?

Weekly reflections help you notice patterns and trends both in your performance and your well-being. For example: What changes would improve your worklife integration next week?

Monthly reflections are good for in-depth analysis and strategic planning. For example: Over the last four weeks, what part of your job did you enjoy most? What were you good at, but did not particularly enjoy? What did you dread doing? How can you do more of the first two and less of the third?

Regardless of the frequency, the key is consistency. What frequency of reflection feels sustainable as well as beneficial for you? Please share what works for you in the comments.

Emotional Granularity

You’ve probably heard the advice that when you feel nervous, like before a presentation, you should tell yourself that you are not nervous, you are excited. By doing this, you turn the negative emotion into a positive one.

You’ve probably sat behind your computer trying to solve a difficult problem and suddenly your body feels like it ran a marathon. You think, “What is wrong with me? All I’ve done for the last hour is sit here and I’m exhausted.” When you feel frustrated, it’s not always because something is wrong, it may be because something is emotionally hard.

There is neuroscience behind these mindsets. For the health of your brain, as well as the rest of your body, take your process for dealing with your fight, flight, or freeze response a step further and recategorize stressful emotions.

What Is Emotional Granularity?

The next level of emotional intelligence is emotional granularity. It is the ability to precisely label your emotions at the time you are having them. This is a coping mechanism that helps you be more spontaneously resilient during a stressful situation. When you can recognize an emotion and label it, you can regulate it. You gain more control over the outcome of the situation you’re in at the time you are in it. While you can’t stop feeling emotions, you can decide how to act on them to create the results that most benefit you.

How Can You Use It?

You probably mentally place the label “negative” on the emotions you perceive as unpleasant. But emotions are neither positive nor negative. Emotions are electrical impulses in your brain signaling that what you’re experiencing is something you care about. For example, let’s say you are gearing up for your annual job performance review and you are dreading it. What would happen if you told yourself you feel determination instead of dread? You would be able to change your reality. You would prepare differently. If you dread, then maybe you avoid preparing for the review until the last minute because you don’t like the way it makes you feel. If you recategorize dread as determination, then as soon as your review date is scheduled, you pull out your Atta Baby file and revisit all the goals you met during the last year as well as the praise you received for your job performance. Now you have the documentation to remind the organization of your value. Now you have the confidence to prove your worth. Now that emotion is a force driving you to a more positive outcome.

Why Should You?

When you are in a situation that makes you feel anxious, your body is trying to tell you something. Instead of making a snap decision, stop and ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Paying attention to those feelings and getting curious about what is causing them gives you options for how to deal with them. The discomfort is rolling around in your brain anyway. You may as well catch the emotion, unravel it, and make it work for you.

How do you reframe your unpleasant emotions? Please share in the comments.