Emotional Intelligence – Page 17

We Can Work it Out

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels

American employees have worked in office buildings since 1906, even though emerging technology enables us to work from anywhere, any time, and with anyone. Companies buy buildings, so we must use the tools that work in them. Besides, if you can’t see your employees, they aren’t working, right? Let’s face it: If they’re watching Netflix at home, they’re probably watching it at the office too. In 2016, 43% of employees spent at least a few hours working remotely. During COVID, the exponential increase revealed outdated assumptions about it. The top three are: productivity, communication, and culture.

Productivity

This study shows employees are actually 35-40% more productive working remotely than in an office. Managers can boost productivity by:

clearly communicating goals (deadlines, KPIs)
giving individual contributors necessary equipment (laptop, industry specific software)
encouraging calendar sharing and ad-hoc communication (IM, video chats)

Time and activity tracking apps are available to keep an eye on the workforce (e.g., Teramind) or managers can insist on hourly activity reports. But, going overboard backfires. Productivity slows when employees have to interrupt their work to report on it; not to mention the distrust it cultivates. Working remotely not only increases productivity, but also reduces costs from real estate, employee absenteeism, and turnover. Research suggests a hybrid-remote work model could collectively save American employers over $500 billion a year.

Communication

Technology allows teams to communicate who is doing what, how close to the target they are, and what the result should look like. Data privacy is an issue; mostly a people one. For example, do all employees know they shouldn’t use free coffee shop Wi-Fi? Most data privacy issues can be addressed through company-wide training, secure VPNs, and well-communicated best practice policies. Implementing a hybrid-remote work policy helps employees understand business expectations, and advances both transparency and accountability for everyone. What should a best practice policy include?

COVID protocol: What are the rules for masks and social distancing? Must employees be vaccinated to work in the office?
Logistics: Who decides if an employee can work remotely; the employee or the employer? When in the office, does the employee have a dedicated workspace?
Equity: Is the remote employee reimbursed for office supplies, internet, and electricity? Will in-office employees receive better performance reviews due to unconscious bias? Is there a central company information hub that’s accessible to all employees?

Culture

A pleasantly surprising result of pandemic-induced remote work is that it has made some underrepresented groups feel more seen. Helping teams bond takes employers’ creativity, as well as time, and technology can facilitate initiatives.

Use employee recognition software to issue company-wide wellness challenges. By broadly defining wellness, (e.g., drinking water and meditation count as well as physical exercise) employers get more buy-in.
Schedule a recurring weekly thirty-minute coworker coffee, or happy hour (or both) via video chat.
Onboard new employees by pairing them with existing employees via instant messaging for one shift.
Engage employees with brief company-wide surveys (e.g., “What do you need most right now to be successful at your job: training or tools?”)

There’s no going back to the office-centric model. If an employer’s attitude is, “My employees have to work where I want them to, and I want them in the office,” then 54% of workers are willing to leave that employer when they find a position that supports remote work. If management and individual contributors come together to communicate what is working and identify where waste can be eliminated, we can create a sustainable hybrid-remote solution.

Do you want to go back to the office full time? Please share your preference in the comments.

Boundaries Battle Burnout

The World Health Organization recognizes burnout as an official medical diagnosis caused by an unrelenting work load and/or no work-life balance. It’s number two on this list of what employees said were their biggest challenges during the pandemic.

They feel:

pressured to be available 24/7/365
lack of flexibility at work
worried about losing their jobs
overwhelmed dealing with shuttered daycare and online school
not at liberty to talk about outside-of-work issues affecting job performance

To begin battling burnout, define, set, and enforce your personal boundaries with your manager.

Define

Your boundaries are based on your values and priorities. When defining them, think about what you need to feel empowered. The last time you felt undervalued, disrespected, or out of balance, what was the trigger? Did you have to work last weekend? Do you buy the office birthday cards and cupcakes for coworkers and it’s not in your job description? That’s where your boundary lies. If you could live that situation over again, what action would you take to change it?

Set

Does your manager randomly call you throughout the week? Schedule a recurring 1:1 catch up meeting with an agenda.
Feeling overwhelmed? Make a list of your priorities and ask them to do the same. In your next 1:1, compare lists. Are they different? Decide together what your top three responsibilities are and how much freedom you have to accomplish them.
If your manager’s expectations cross a boundary, how important is the boundary to you? Is a compromise possible? Is saying no a battle you want to fight?
Give updates on your projects’ statuses and request they prioritize them. Ask them to tell you more about why they need this new assignment done in this timeframe, and why the task requires your unique skillset.
Personal goals count. If your manager wants you to stay late, but your trainer is meeting you at the gym at 6:00PM, offer to get started early tomorrow morning. Compromise so you aren’t saying no all the time.
Best practice is setting boundaries at the beginning of a project. For example: Make a rule to only answer texts after 7PM if it’s an emergency, and define what constitutes an emergency.
Use technology to help you communicate boundaries: change your status to busy in Microsoft Teams (or whatever business communication platform you use), calendar an hour a day and label it as busy. You don’t have to say what you’re using the time for. Get the kids started on their homework if that’s what it takes to enable you to finish your work.

Burnout doesn’t just affect you, it affects the work too. You need to be flexible and accommodate the occasional emergency requiring overtime. But, regular work hours and exceeding the expectations of the project are good boundaries to help you both do the work everyday and juggle the other aspects of your life. Do not apologize for protecting the time it takes to do the work you are already assigned.

Enforce

Practice for boundary crossers. Rehearsal takes the emotion out of holding your boundary. Visualize your manager asking you to work on a Sunday morning; what do you do? Don’t fume over the infraction. Immediately reinforce your boundary by clearly and respectfully stating what it is and why it exists. Be consistent in holding healthy boundaries. You aren’t communicating clearly if you keep moving them. If you said you won’t respond to emails after 7:00PM, don’t open your inbox.

Your boundaries will get challenged. That will reveal where they are and help you to refine and iterate them. Those who set and hold boundaries gain respect. A friend just gave up a committee chair position because she assessed her commitments and realized she needed to off-load some. Will I miss her leadership? Yes. Do I respect her for making choices that help her achieve her goals? Absolutely.

When was the last time someone crossed one of your boundaries? What did you do to hold it? Please share in the comments.

The First Step

The glass ceiling is cracking thanks to so many women beating our heads against it. The light filtering through these cracks reveals that the ladder we’re climbing to get there has a broken rung.

What is it?

At the beginning of 2020, for every 100 men who stepped onto the corporate ladder by accepting their first role as a manager, only 85 women were hired and/or promoted from individual contributor to manager. That statistic refers to white women; the statistics for Black women and Latinas are even worse. The first rung on the corporate ladder is broken for women and it has a negative effect on our talent pipeline. While more women are getting hired for senior management, there aren’t enough at junior management levels to promote. This lack of diversity in management denies our organizations an array of ideas, input, and solutions which adversely affects our bottom lines.

Why Does it Happen?

Women are subject to unconscious gender bias. Adapting to work during COVID-19 has awakened us a bit. Who hasn’t been on a Zoom call where someone (male or female) commented on a female coworker’s children playing in the background? When schools went online and daycares shuttered for months, working moms took on the majority of both housework and childcare. The statistics are worse for single moms and moms of color. Because of the pandemic, over two million women are considering an extensive leave of absence or even leaving the workforce. This makes the broken rung even harder to repair.

How Do We Fix It?

Continuous Development – Women need skills including strategic thinking and negotiation to level the playing field. If your company doesn’t have an official leadership development program, find your own. It’s a good investment of your T.E.A.M.

Get a Mentor – If your company does not offer an official mentoring program, seek one outside the company. Research shows mentees were promoted five times more than an employee who didn’t have a mentor.

Network – Collect people: mentors, coaches, sponsors, peers. A support network makes it 2.5 times more likely you’ll be seen as a high performer and ready for advancement.

Visibility – Share what you’re learning in leadership development with your manager during your 1:1s. Forward reference materials to colleagues and copy your manager. Bring up your development plan during reviews. Post about your progress on LinkedIn. Let the world know you’re taking responsibility for your growth and are ready to serve as a leader.

Stand up for Yourself – If you get passed over for promotion, ask why. Your manager should give you clear feedback regarding what you lack. If you feel the suggestions are vague, press for specifics. Is it a skill? Learn it. Is it not enough experience? Ask your manager to give you assignments that will help you gain it. Make these your immediate goals and achieve them before your next promotion attempt. Keep your manager apprised of your progress.

Have you experienced unconscious gender bias? How did you call attention to it? Have you ever been unconsciously gender biased? What are you doing to be more aware? Please share in the comments.

More Precious Than Gold

In a former life, I volunteered as a worship leader in the elementary ministry at a church in south metro Atlanta. (Fun fact: if you can motivate 5th grade boys to participate in worship, you can do anything.) At every service, we quoted our bullet-pointed mission statement. One of those bullets was The Golden Rule (TGR): Treat others the way you want to be treated. Flash forward to the present where a flaw in logic has reached my attention. TGR assumes others want to be treated the way I want to be treated. You know what assuming does (if not, DM me). Turns out, there is a better rule to follow: The Platinum Rule (TPR). It says: Treat others the way they want to be treated. How can following TPR help you interact with your work team?

Everyone has a unique personality, but a few common traits dominate. When you identify those traits, you can predict how to both communicate with colleagues and motivate them to do their best work. How do you find out how people want to be treated? First, you have to know your own behavioral style so you can adjust it to build rapport with those different from yours. Then, you can ask, observe, and experiment.

Ask

If you’re a manager, what are your direct reports’ goals, motivations, values, and learning styles? You can find out by having them take a personality assessment (DISC, CliftonStrengths, Ennegram, Meyers-Briggs, etc., there are a ton). The resulting data helps you better tailor employee incentives. For example, If money motivates Jack, giving him a raise should make him more productive. But, if Jill is motivated by a flexible schedule, giving her a four-day work week instead of a raise would make her more productive.

Observe

Identify a coworker who follows TGR. They are treating you the way they want to be treated. (Mind. Blown.) Look for patterns and habits. What is their vocabulary like? Do they openly share their feelings? Do they dress casually or more suit and tie? How is their workspace designed? Interact with them in various environments: meetings, social situations, continuing education training. For example: In a brainstorming meeting, who likes to throw all kinds of ideas out for group discussion and who likes to sit quietly and process one idea at a time?

Experiment

Make note of how your manager responds to public praise, a thank-you note, or when you make time for a huddle they request. Ask questions like,“Would you rather this conversation be a meeting or an email?” and “When you’re doing deep work will you turn your IM to Do Not Disturb so I know not to bother you, please?” Try different communication mediums and notice which they reply to the quickest: Email? Phone call? Text? IM? Video chat? In conversation, mirror their non-verbal cues. Do they relax? When you make people comfortable, they know, like, and trust you faster.

TPR requires more work than TGR, and brings more reward. TGR is easy because we know what we like, but for building relationships, TPR is better. How do you want to be treated? Please share in the comments.

You’re Asking For It

Our daughter called to tell us that a high-profile initiative she discovered and shepherded right up to the president of the international company’s office was approved. We celebrated then asked if this could lead to a promotion. She reminded us she was promoted in the last round of reviews and no one receives consecutive promotions. I suggested that may be because no one brings this level of business development to the company until now. (You expect her mother to say that, right?) Our conversation reminded me how difficult it can be to ask for promotion.

Problem

Society conditions us to believe our work should speak for itself and our employer will automatically reward us. Your manager’s job description may include developing you professionally, but they don’t have time to ask themselves, “Did my direct reports do anything promotion worthy today?” You are in charge of your future. If you’re doing next level work, you deserve promotion. Just because it’s not normal doesn’t mean you shouldn’t discuss it with your manager. You may be a catalyst for change.

Solution

Study the job description of the position you want. Do and document that next level work (especially your successes), then ask for the promotion at the appropriate time. Prepare for it by answering these questions:

Who profits from it? Promotion has to benefit your team, manager, other departments, the company, your clients, and you. What do others gain from your promotion? Leadership? Loyalty? Labor? Are other people going for this promotion? What makes you different? Do you have more: Certifications? Creativity? Connections? Be prepared to address how you’ll arrange handing off clients, working with teammates who may be jealous, and prioritizing multiple projects.

What have you done to earn it? Know the metrics by which your job performance is measured and track them weekly, quarterly, and yearly. Use this data to quickly and easily build your case. For example: How much money did you save the company? How much revenue did you bring in? How innovative is your solution to a perpetual challenge? What are your department’s KPIs?

When is the best time to ask for it? Traditionally, formal annual job performance reviews are the best time to present your case. If your company evaluates more frequently, don’t let receiving a promotion last time stop you from asking for another this time. If your company doesn’t do annual reviews, request one. You need to know at least every 365 days if you’re doing the quality of work that leads to promotion.

Why should you get it? Think of the objections your manager may raise and prepare for them. For example: Objection: No one receives consecutive promotions. Your Answer: No one brings this level of innovation to the company. Know your company’s top goals. Explain what you did to move the organization toward them using specific illustrations from your data.

How should you ask for it?

Do:

Act confident – make eye contact, sit up straight on the edge of the chair, speak in a conversational tone of voice
Control your emotions – if you feel nervous, convince yourself you’re excited
Be positive – you’re offering your manager the opportunity to shine by recognizing a rising star when they see one

Don’t:

Apologize – you aren’t imposing on your manager; your professional development is part of their job
Give your manager an out – Example: “Maybe this isn’t a good time, but…”
Play the victim – Example: “I need this promotion because (insert personal problem here)”

Result

If you receive the promotion by the end of the discussion, congratulations! But, don’t be stressed if you get a cliffhanger. It’s a good sign when your manager wants to contemplate your case instead of immediately saying no. If this happens, follow up in a week’s time. If you’re denied promotion, ask why. Is this a bad time for the company? Schedule a follow-up meeting for next quarter. Is there something lacking in your current job performance you need to work on (e.g., emotional intelligence, project management, leading a team)? Ask for projects showcasing those abilities. Do you lack the skills or certifications required for promotion? Set goals to obtain them. At the very least, this conversation makes your manager aware of your desire to contribute at a higher level.

What do you think is the most challenging aspect of asking for a promotion? Please share in the comments.

Let the Sun Shine

Daylight Savings Time is upon us and I am not a fan. The pessimist in me thinks, “What’s one more hour of lost sleep after all the hours I’ve lost thanks to COVID-19?” The optimist in me thinks, “Yay! Spring!” Since we can’t control time, let’s concentrate on saving something we can control: money. Our financial goals fluctuate with the seasons of our lives, but we sleep better if saving is always one of them. Here are three rules of thumb that give me financial peace of mind: live within your means, fund your future, and be generous.

Live Within Your Means

I’ll state the obvious. Make more money than you spend. Having said that, there are some maybe not-so-obvious ways to save more of your means. Do you use a cell phone? Internet? Cable TV? Satellite TV? Can you live without one of these? If not, are you getting the best plan for your budget? You can check and adjust accordingly. Finding a cheaper plan doesn’t necessarily mean you have to switch providers. You can contact your current one and ask them to match their competitor’s rates. Do you use a travel rewards credit card? If earning points for travel no longer fits your lifestyle, switch to a card that does. For example, while you may not be traveling as much right now, you’re still buying gas and groceries. Switch to a credit card with cash back rewards for those purchases.

Fund Your Future

If you’re getting a tax refund of more than $2000 (the average refund for 2019 was $2535), consider filling out a new W-4 with your employer to have less tax deducted. Some tax payers I know purposely overpay income tax so they’ll receive large refunds. They use the money to pay for big ticket items, and that is a choice. Another choice is a short-term savings strategy for big ticket items. For example, direct depositing that extra amount into a high-yield savings account instead of overpaying income taxes. A tax refund check seems like free money. It’s actually money you give the government every month, it uses for a year (interest free, btw), then finally allows you to have what’s left. If that money stays in your paycheck, you have the option to invest it in your employer’s 401(k) plan, or your personal IRA, or another long-term savings option. This both removes the temptation to spend the money, and invests it for your future.

Be Generous

You feel good when you help others. Think about how good Ebeneezer Scrooge felt when he was generous with his money. But you don’t have to give money to be generous. For example, when your grocery has non-perishable items on sale and you have coupons, buy the limit, keep a couple for yourself and donate the rest to a local food pantry. Do you have clothes you haven’t worn for two years? (Not wearing them in 2020 doesn’t count.) Bag them up and donate them to your local thrift store. When you don’t have a lot of money, you still have something to give; even if it’s just giving a smile to a stranger; with our eyes, because, you know, mask. Our abundance isn’t always measured in money.

What do you do to maintain financial peace of mind? Please share in the comments.

A Matter of Trust

**Photo by Christina Morillo from Pexels**

This is the last article of the series Know, Like, Trust. If you missed the first two, you can find them here and here. I saved trust for last because it’s pretty hard to achieve without the other two. Let’s say a Potential Client (PC) knows and likes us. Now, how can we earn their trust?

Respect

Becoming known and liked can happen relatively quickly, but trust doesn’t. It takes time to demonstrate integrity, dependability, and consistency. PCs trust our companies after they trust us as people. We need to accurately represent what our companies stand for and broadcast those core values through multiple communication channels. We should be prepared to answer frequently asked questions like:

Can your company really do what you say it can? We’re able to answer this with a testimonial page on our companies’ websites.
Do you really want to help my business succeed? We prove this by sharing our PCs’ “We’re Hiring!” posts on our companies’ social media platforms.
Are we like-minded in our values? We affirm this with a how-we-help statement in every employees’ elevator speech.

We know we’re earning our PCs’ trust when they begin liking, commenting on, and/or sharing our social media content. Sharing is especially exciting. It indicates our PCs are engaging with, endorsing, and embracing our companies’ value-driven content.

Realign

The biggest mistake we make in communication is assuming it has happened. Paraphrasing what our PCs said, reflecting it back, and repeating the process until we verify we heard correctly, demonstrates we not only want to understand the problems, but we are also actively listening. Initially, this exercise is time consuming, but realigning our communication style to our PCs’ streamlines the process for future conversations. Being in accord with our PCs is crucial when it’s time to address sensitive issues. For example, how we will handle our PCs’ customers’ Personally Identifiable Information (PII).

Resource

After all this work, we may discover we aren’t the best solution for a PC. Our role then becomes connecting them to someone who is, because we are in relationship with our PCs for the life of their businesses. We demonstrate both trust and courage when we offer, “What you need isn’t what we’re best at, but I know someone who is.” It’s important to have an established network of colleagues we know, like, and trust to partner with so when this happens, we’re ready to refer them. It not only solves our PCs’ current problem, but also sets us up as the future go-to, trouble-shooting resource. When our PCs’ next crises strikes, we will be the first people they reach out to for help. Referrals build trust between all businesses involved in reaching solutions. People love to connect people they trust to one another. When we pay it forward, our colleagues feel obliged to repay in kind by connecting us with one of their PCs whose problem we can better solve. The loyalty these relationships inspire can help everyone’s companies grow exponentially. When our PCs trust us, they want to keep collaborating with us. Who doesn’t want to work with someone who solves their problems?

What do you do to prove your trustworthiness to PCs? Please share in the comments.

What’s Not to Like?

Welcome to part two of the three part series: Know, Like, Trust. Last week we discussed how we want to be known. This week we’re talking about the importance of being liked. It reminds me of Sally Field accepting her Oscar for Places in the Heart. How can we attractively communicate both our values and our value propositions?

Make an Effort

Potential clients (PCs) work with individual problem solvers, not faceless companies. For example, let’s say you chose a primary care physician based on their affiliation with a hospital you like. During your appointment you have a bad experience with either the physician, nurse, tech, or front desk staff. You don’t go back because there are plenty of other physicians associated with the hospital you like. It’s a similar experience for our PCs. They want to know the people who represent our companies. They can only discern so much from success story pages on our websites, automated emails dripped into their inboxes, and video sales pitches. We have to make and maintain authentic, reciprocal relationships if we want glowing recommendations, positive reviews, quality referrals, and repeat business. These are the ingredients that protect our bottom lines. It takes a ton of energy to put the work into every interaction, every day. But, if we give PCs reasons to like us, (e.g., positive comments on their LinkedIn posts, an emailed link to an event you think they’ll enjoy, etc.) they will.

Be Approachable

Even if we don’t say the following sentences aloud, PCs can easily detect negative attitudes like:

Authoritative – “I’m smarter than you.”
Aloof – “I’m too cool for you.”
Abrupt – “I don’t have time for you.”

PCs open their lives to us. They’re considering using us as a resource to meet their needs at a time when they feel vulnerable. In conversations with us they’re wondering:

Is she listening to me?
Does she care how much pain I’m in?
Do her questions help me order my thoughts?
Are her illustrations relevant?
Is she just trying to make a sale?
After I purchase this, will she follow up to see if the solution worked?
If something goes wrong, can I count on her to fix it?
Does she have the best interest of my business at heart?

A good consultant is authentic, curious, and honest. To have a friend, you first have to be one.

Care

Best practice is offering our PCs space to unload the emotional baggage their problems have packed. To be liked, we have to care about their pain. Active listening is a great tool to demonstrate how much we care. Active listening requires more than our ears. It takes our:

Brains: How would we feel if we had this problem?
Eyes: What non-verbals do we observe (e.g., furrowed brow, crossed arms)?
Hands: We take notes both to prevent ourselves from interrupting and so we don’t forget the response forming in our heads.

PCs need partners they can count on, who are strong in the areas of their businesses where they are weak, and to come alongside them with the tools to grow their businesses. We want to form a team. Because when businesses support one another, everyone on the team wins.

When we make the effort to be approachable and to care, people like us. This is how businesses are sustained. This is how communities are built. What do you do to get PCs to like you? Please share your tips in the comments.

How Do You Spell Relief? E-m-p-a-t-h-y

The longer COVID drags on, the more fragile we feel. If everyone feels this way, it’s affecting the companies we serve. We need clients to buy our products and services, but desperation has a way of creeping into our subconscious and leaking out in our presentations. It’s neither attractive nor productive. We have to be willing to brainstorm our clients’ current problems and help them weigh the value of possible solutions – even if we are not the relief for their immediate pain point. Should we pay more attention to the role empathy can play in business? If so, how do we communicate it?

Care

It’s nice to do business with nice people. Given current events, even nice business people are stressed and stress can shorten anyone’s fuse. We have no idea what is going on with our clients outside of our relationships with them, and they may not be comfortable sharing. We should not take any atypical negative attitude personally. We should assume in showing up, our clients are coping as best they can. This is an opportunity for us to provide them with a respite. Remind them blue-sky thinking with us is a valuable idea-generation tool. Validate their efforts by telling them they’re doing a good job.

Pay Attention

When we meet with a client, we need to read the room (or the Zoom). Is she fidgety, grumpy, quiet? Does she look tired, worried, distracted? What about her body language? Is she slouching? Avoiding eye contact? The words she uses are also a clue. We should listen for emotionally charged words and the tone of voice she uses to say them. To find the emotions underneath the exterior, we can start the conversation with the obvious, “How are you doing? How is the family? How is business going?” We are looking for a point of connection. This is trickier than it sounds. For example, empathy is not the client laying out a scenario and me replying, “I know exactly how you feel because that happened to me too once.” While I may have experienced the same situation, my interpretation of it inevitably differs from my client’s. I discredit myself and discount my client if I say I know exactly how she feels. My goal is to understand her experience and feel her unique position with her in the moment. It’s more genuine to say, “Tell me more,” than “ I know how you feel because I…” We’re working to create a safe and judgement-free zone.

Listen

It’s extremely counterintuitive, but don’t problem solve at this point. It’s way too early in the process. Our clients want to feel heard and understood. They’re in pain and need relief. We have to demonstrate our desire to uncover why the pain exists in the first place. How would we feel if we were the ones experiencing this pain?

Not every meeting has to end with submitting a proposal. People can tell when we’re in relationship with them just to see how much we can gain from it. With a mindset of our success is tied to the success of our clients, we develop a sustainable business model based on mutual respect and trust and can build relationships that last for years.

How do you empathize with your clients without veering into problem solving? Please share your story in the comments section.

Another Christmas Story

Once upon a time, December was the busiest month of the year.

Holiday parties – my husband’s work, my work, our daughter’s school
Gifts – making a list (and checking it twice), buying, wrapping, personally delivering or shipping
Christmas cards – buying, writing the end-of-year-family newsletter, addressing, buying postage, mailing
Cooking – planning the menus, making a grocery list (also checking it twice) purchasing the ingredients, cooking, serving
Decorating – pulling decorations out of storage, repairing the damaged, purchasing new
Miscellaneous traditions – driving around to see Christmas lights, baking and delivering cookies for first responders, attending Christmas Eve service

My fingers are tired from typing this. At the time it was fun. We love putting on ugly Christmas sweaters, gathering with friends and family and coworkers and celebrating the season, right? Or do we just love the idea of it? We downplay the stress of its reality. Our brains exhausted from holiday office party small talk. Our savings account spent on gifts for neighbors we barely know. Our cupboards bare from constantly replenishing the buffet at our extended family’s feast. Our vision of the perfect holiday is rarely realized since we can’t control the players, and this holiday season, there isn’t much of anything we can control.

During our first holiday season in Georgia, my husband was a worship leader, our daughter was in elementary school, and I was a teacher’s aide. By the morning of Christmas Eve, all three of us were exhausted from, well, see the list above. Working multiple Christmas Eve services, my husband was unavailable from early morning until late evening. Our daughter and I attended the first service. We grabbed tins of cookies the congregation baked for first responders on our way out. In the car, we ordered pizza before leaving the parking lot. By the time we dropped off the cookies at the firehouse located between the church and the restaurant, our pizza was waiting for us at the drive-thru. We got home and put on our jammies (it was only about 1:00PM, btw). I found White Christmas on TV. We ate pizza. We sang “Happy Birthday” to Jesus, blew out the candles on His cake, and ate slices for Him. We napped. When my husband got home, we repeated the process. We watched Christmas movies, stuffed our faces, and napped for the next 24 hours. Christmas Day ended with a drive through a local coffee shop for lattes and hot chocolate and meandering through neighboring subdivisions to look at their Christmas lights on the way back home. We did not answer the phone or check social media the entire time. It was the most relaxed the three of us had been since Thanksgiving. When the next year rolled around our daughter asked if we could do it again. I dubbed it “cocooning” and it became a tradition for the rest of our Georgia residency.

Several of our holiday activities aged out. I no longer send a year-end family newsletter. I refer everyone to social media. Email makes sending season’s greetings both quick and inexpensive. Because of COVID-19, more traditions are canceled this year and if I’m honest, I’m sorry, not sorry. We have plenty of options to cocoon. We can:

have food delivered either from our grocery to make our favorite treats, or from a local restaurant. If we order through a food delivery service, we keep a local driver employed
stream most any Christmas movie ever made
have decorations and jammies delivered from a local department store
stream holiday music playlists from our chosen service
send a cookie gift basket to our nearest firehouse through a local bakery
watch our church’s Christmas Eve service on their website
make our own lattes and hot chocolate and tour neighborhood Christmas light displays from our couch thanks to YouTube (For my Dayton, Ohio friends, you can see the old Rike’s holiday windows virtually)

This global crisis has given us a holiday gift: a reason to celebrate small. Do you usually:

travel 312 miles to stay with the in-laws? Can’t this year; COVID
spend hundreds of dollars on gifts? Can’t this year; COVID
attend your partner’s office holiday party? Can’t this year; COVID.

The pandemic has taken people we love, employment we need, and freedoms we cherish away from us. But, it has given us a reason to stop, be grateful for what we still have, and act on it. Let’s celebrate through our words and (maybe virtual) presence the people we’ve leaned on, both personally and professionally, to get through 2020. Isn’t that the essence of the holidays? Making sure people know how much we appreciate them?

How are you adjusting your holiday celebrations this year? Please share in the comments.