Emotional Intelligence – Page 10

The Rise of the Quiets

COVID spotlighted the Greats: the Great Retirement, the Great Resignation, the Great Reshuffle, the Great Rethink, etc. Now, the transition to post pandemic is highlighting the Quiets: Quiet Promotion, Quiet Quitting, Quiet Promoting, Quiet Thriving, etc. Just like the Greats were in play with or without COVID, the Quiets are not new. It’s just that now employees feel empowered to discuss them openly and employers are pushing back. We’re going to devote the next four weeks to exploring the rise of the Quiets. First up: Quiet Promotion.

What Is It?

A Quiet Promotion happens when you are given more tasks and/or responsibilities beyond your job description, but no increase in compensation. It can be tricky to spot because going above and beyond your job description is the traditional path to a genuine promotion. You typically have to prove you can do more before you are given more (especially if you identify as a woman; don’t get me started…). Here are a few clues that you were quietly promoted:

You have the same job title as your colleagues, but you have more work than they do
You have absorbed all the duties of a coworker who left and there is no end in sight
Your manager asked you to be a “team player” and you don’t feel like you can refuse

If these sound familiar, you have a couple of options. One is to ask for a real promotion. The other is to get another job. Either way, these three ideas can help.

Document

Update that “Atta Baby!” file on your desktop (DM me if the concept does not sound familiar)
Keep a daily activity log including what you did (especially the extra duties), when, and approximately how long it took
Note (with statistics, if possible) how what you do (especially the extra duties) moves the organization closer to their goals and aligns with their mission

Communicate

After gathering your documentation, schedule a 1:1 with your manager
Prepare for it as you would a performance review
Begin the conversation with a curious mindset. For example, lead with something like: “During several weekly reflection exercises that I do to self-monitor my job performance, I noticed something interesting…” and present your case
Note your manager’s reaction. It will be very revealing

Strategize

If your employer just lost a major client, or your company is in a hiring freeze, then no one is getting promoted. If you can be patient, do. It allows you to accumulate more documentation and contemplate whether this job and/or company is still the right fit for you. If you can’t be patient, the documentation you gathered sure looks good on a resume.

By the way, the phrase “other duties as assigned” is included in most job descriptions. That can be a good thing. You want your job description to iterate. It allows you to grow and advance. The problem comes when an organization uses the phrase as a loophole to assign an employee responsibilities beyond minor tasks related to the employee’s position.

Have you ever received a Quiet Promotion? Please share your experience in the comments.

Be Ready for a Call to Action

This article marks five years of writing, “Is It Worth Your T.E.A.M.?” It began as a call to action (CTA). I needed somewhere to store the advice I wanted to give my daughter but she did not want to receive. Yet. One year ago, LinkedIn offered to turn future articles into a newsletter. That was also a CTA. People in my networks began subscribing and presenting their challenges, another CTA. We are surrounded by them every day. Some CTAs are expected; for instance, hunger. You can put off eating until it’s convenient, but eventually you have to feed your body or die. They can also be unexpected. For example, in 2022, over 120,000 tech workers were laid off. Losing your job is a CTA. With the world of work constantly in flux, you are wise to always (and I don’t use that word lightly) be ready for a CTA when it comes to your job. But how?

Upskill

If you like your job, congratulations! Many of those 120,000 tech workers liked their jobs too and had no intention of leaving. Think of continuous learning as a survival skill as well as a CTA. If you like your industry, be sure to keep up on the latest trends. To illustrate, if you are a tax advisor right about now you are studying all the rules around preparing 2022 tax returns. With these skills if you unexpectedly lose your job, then you can easily market yourself to another employer or go into business for yourself. Not sure what the trends are in your industry? You can gain both insight and new skills if you have a Dayton Metro Library card. They offer free access to LinkedIn Learning.

If you don’t like your job, you are in the majority. According to Gallup, in 2022, only 21% of global workers were actively engaged with their jobs. Your CTA may be to look at job descriptions for positions you want and obtain the skills, experience, and/or certifications you need to get hired. Let’s say there is an opening at a company you’d like to work for and this company is known for philanthropy. Grab two or three friends and volunteer at their favorite non-profit organization. Mention the experience in your cover letter and prepare a story to tell about it for your interview.

Network

Meet people who work at companies you want to work for.

What networking events do they attend?
Can you connect with them on LinkedIn?
What non-profit boards do they serve on?
Can you get an informational interview with someone who works there?
Do they belong to a trade association they would enjoy telling you about?

Even if companies you want to work for don’t notice you, you will inevitably discover other organizations where you’d like to work that you didn’t know existed before these efforts and now they have a CTA to get to know you.

If you have a call to action that you are wrestling with, feel free to join the discussion I’m facilitating for Women in Christian Leadership’s virtual Coffee and Conversation on Friday, January 6. Register here.

What call to action are you struggling with as we enter 2023? Please share in the comments.

Something’s Burning

Last month we talked about burnout and how, as employees, we can both recognize and minimize it. On the other side of the organization, what can employers do to help extinguish burnout?

Why is Burnout the Employer’s Problem?

Because employees who burn out quit their jobs and replacing them is expensive. In their 2020 Recruiter Nation Survey, Jobvite found that retention is the second highest recruiting priority according to the HR professionals who participated. And according to Legaljobs, 45% of employees in the United States are job hunting. Turnover can cost an employer up to one-third of an employee’s annual salary due to lost productivity as well as recruiting efforts.

What Can Employers Do About It?

Set Reasonable Boundaries – For example, if you send emails at 7:46PM on weeknights, texts at 9:12PM on Saturdays, and/or direct messages at 6:12AM on Independence Day, then you are assigning someone a task. A valuable employee is at least going to stop what they are doing and reply no matter how many times you type, “No rush.” Even if you don’t expect the employee to do anything about your request at the time, you are still imposing a mental load on them. Now they have to remember to remind you of the thing you wanted them to do when you contacted them outside of normal work hours. Establish rules around communication. Include acceptable hours, expected response times, and appropriate modes. For example, if there is an emergency requiring their attention outside of normal work hours, then you will call them instead of email or text. Reiterate these boundaries once a quarter. BTW, most email platforms have a feature that allows you to send your message during someone’s normal business hours. Please use it.

Reevaluate Productivity Goals – Are pre-COVID KPIs still in place? Should they be? How reasonable are they? The workforce is moving toward a productivity model where job performance can no longer be measured by when, where, or how many hours employees work. Consider normalizing flexibility. For example, in performance reviews commend the employee for taking their earned PTO instead of praising them for perfect attendance. Best Practice: Leadership models taking time off, flexible work environments, and/or remote work days.

Communicate – Listen with empathy to your team on a regular basis. Can you set up in-person office hours or a virtual coffee once a week to bond with your team? Find common ground. Support and encourage self-care and mental health. Record a 30 second video on your company’s instant messaging platform and send it (during normal hours, please!) to your direct reports. Remind them that the intense project they’re working on will get done more efficiently if they rest their brains for a few minutes every hour. In 1:1 meetings, invite employees to discuss challenges outside of the job that are negatively affecting their ability to work. Is the solution something the company can provide as part of their benefits package?

As we approach the holidays, I hope both employers and employees get some rest from their work. Maybe in front of a roaring fire in your fireplace or, like me, a fireplace online. Please let those embers be the only burnout you allow.

As a manager, what strategies do you use to ease employee burnout? Please share in the comments.

Did I Do That?

Last month I mentioned Atomic Habits by James Clear. This book rocked my goal-setting world from Chapter One when he stated, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” Clear says, “The Four Laws of Behavior Change are a simple set of rules we can use to build better habits. They are (1) Make it obvious, (2) Make it attractive, (3) Make it easy, and (4) Make it satisfying.” How might we apply this strategy at work?

Let’s say it was brought to your attention in a performance review that 360° feedback revealed people find your behavior at in-person meetings intense. What you think of as enthusiasm, a number of coworkers perceive as, at best, overwhelming and at worst, scary. Your manager wants to promote you to Team Leader, but if you intimidate people, then you cannot effectively influence them. The feedback mentioned that you:

Consistently arrive just in time for meetings to start and jump right into the agenda
Always sit at the head of the rectangular conference room table
Rarely look up from your note taking and when you do, you’re frowning

Acknowledging these are habits you to need change, you decide to use Clear’s four laws to come up with the following plan for improvement.

Make it Obvious – Before your next internal meeting, email the participants a short note stating you are making a couple of adjustments to your processes. You hope they will make meetings more effective for all attendees and you will privately seek feedback.

Make it Attractive – To you: Approach this exercise as a learning experience that will give you examples you can report to your manager, and witnesses they can consult, to prove you have what it takes to lead a team. To them: People are typically happy to give advice. Tell your coworkers that you respect their opinions and your intention is to make their work lives easier.

Make it Easy – Create more margin in your schedule so that you can show up ten minutes early to the next meeting. Use that time to greet each coworker and exchange pleasantries. Meet in a new location with a round table. If you have to meet in the same location, then sit on the side of the rectangle among the other attendees instead of the power position at the head of the table. For note taking you could audio record the meeting on your phone. This allows you to transcribe your notes later, maintain eye contact during the meeting, and ask follow up questions. Or, you could request that someone take notes for the group and email them to everyone after the meeting. State that in future meetings everyone will take a turn performing this task.

Make it Satisfying – For you: Reward yourself for trying new things and make notes of any improvements for your next 1:1 with your manager. For them: Send a thank-you email to the meeting attendees for participating in your experiment. Ask them follow-up questions like, What did they like/dislike about the changes? What other adjustments do they suggest?

How could you apply the four laws of behavior change to a current habit you need to break or start? Please share in the comments.

Ho Ho Hold Up

Back in October we saw jack-o-lanterns, cornucopias, and reindeer all sitting together on store shelves. Now that shipping is better, the supply chain is bringing us too many goodies too fast and we feel the fourth quarter holidays all running together. Maybe we should embrace it and create a new holiday: Hallothankmas. It’s not just the holidays that are accelerating. Threat actors are too. Cyber criminals are lying in wait for unsuspecting shoppers who give out their Personally Identifiable Information (PII) faster than mall Santas give out candy canes. If you’re shopping online this holiday season, here are four things you can you do to protect yourself.

Know Where You Are

The number of phony websites increases this time of year. Before entering any payment information, double check the URL you’re using. Is the name of the company spelled correctly? Does it have extra words that you didn’t expect? When you go to the payment page, Is the lock symbol and “https” in the URL?

Legitimate Forms of Payment

Do they want you to pay with cryptocurrency, gift cards, or a wire transfer? These are all untraceable methods of payment. Once you complete a transaction with those forms of payment, you can’t get your money back. Insisting on these ways to pay is a clue that the retailer is a fraud. A scammer reached out to me recently and I had to laugh. I received an email allegedly from my boss instructing me to go out and buy 10 gift cards then reply to the email for further instructions. How did I know it was a scam? I no longer worked for that boss.

You Are a Target

You are bombarded by targeted ads following you from Instagram to Facebook and all platforms in between. Some of those ads are from disreputable companies whose branding tempts you with hard-to-believe deals on popular merchandise. Do not click on those. This is not the time to try an unknown retailer. Some of these companies are selling knock-offs and some aren’t selling anything. They collect your PII and money and send you nothing. If you are tempted, read reviews of both the item you want to purchase and the company. If there are no reviews, or few, or they are all glowing, skip this seller.

Pay Attention

Things tend to get busier this time of year. You may forget to check your accounts as often as usual. Cyber criminals are counting on that. If you have increased your online shopping, then check your accounts more often through the end of the year. If you see any transactions that you don’t recognize, can’t find an emailed receipt for, or the transaction is for an odd amount (e.g., .99¢), contact your financial institution immediately.

Hallowthankmas can be dangerous for your wallet on a few levels. It’s the season of giving, but that does not include giving away your money or PII. You can keep your guard up where finances are concerned while still letting it down for friends and family.

Do you take extra precautions at this time of year to protect your financial accounts? What are they? Please share in the comments.

Extra Crispy

Have you ever stared unblinking and thoughtless at your work computer screen for five seconds then freaked out a little when you realized that actually five minutes had passed? No? Just me? In researching solutions for my problem, I discovered I may be experiencing the phase before burnout. Wouldn’t it be useful if we were self-aware enough to recognize burnout before going up in smoke?

Burnout Has Phases

Honor Eastly coined a two-phase description: crispy and burned out. Crispy happens when you are stretching your limits, but like it. While it feels good, you ignore your need to rest and eventually get stuck in your process sparking burnout. How do you know you’re getting crispy? Here are some signs:

You wake up in the middle of the night thinking about your to-do list
Annoyances you used to ignore (e.g., your teammate forgetting to unmute himself on the weekly check-in Every. Time.) now drive you crazy
You are depressed

What You Can Do

Too much housekeeping at work stokes the fire. Taking notes for the team every meeting, buying birthday cards for staff, and emailing calendar invitations do not get you paid nor promoted. Since the work doesn’t count in managements’ eyes, you don’t take it into consideration when you wonder why you are exhausted. It’s time to ask others for help, (e.g., “You know what, Stan? I took the meeting notes last time. How about Joe does it this week?”)

Your chores fan the flames. For example, just eating can be work: buying groceries, preparing meals, cleaning up the kitchen, washing the dishes, putting the dishes away. You feel like this constant stream of tasks don’t count because you don’t get paid to do them, but they drain your time, energy, attention, and money. Recognize that life requires administration and pay attention to your unpaid duties. Can you streamline any of them? Divide some up with your partner? Outsource any? For example, can you afford to order food in once a week?

The hustle culture pours gasoline on the blaze. I discovered the symptoms of burnout after listening to this podcast. Experiencing some of them, I set a timer on my work intervals to remind me to take more breaks. At a meeting with my business coach I said, “I’m experimenting with forcing myself to take more rest breaks during the work day.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I regretted saying them. When I heard them out loud, I felt like I was trying to defend being lazy. She reminded me that rest actually promotes better work results. That made me feel better temporarily, but then, why do I feel ashamed to rest during the workday? Why do I feel like I have to be on call 24/7/365? Because hustle culture trains us to be immediately responsive to others’ needs all the time. This behavior is unrealistic and unsustainable. Can you stop apologizing for being human? Can you get comfortable disappointing people?

When you start to feel exhausted for what you initially think is no reason, it’s time to stop, drop, and roll. Stop what you’re doing, drop the assumption that everything has to be done right now, and roll into a break.

How do you recognize when you’re moving from crispy to burnout? Please share in the comments.

Military Schooled

Veteran’s Day is this week in the United States. Thank you, veterans and your families for your service. Is motivating troops at all similar to motivating the workforce?

Similarities

Both military and civilian organizations take people with nothing in common, put them on teams, and require them to execute complicated projects
The military rewards personal sacrifice, shared sacrifice, and accomplishments through a system of challenges and rewards. Some companies offer overtime pay, team recognition on their social media, and pay submission fees for industry awards
The military asks you to put your country and its larger cause ahead of your own interests and safety. Essential Workers are asked to do the same
Goals for both the military and the workforce are: increase production, efficiency, and desired results
Motivation is also the same because humans populate both groups and everyone wants the same things: job satisfaction, achievement, recognition, and professional growth

Differences

From the beginning of military service, the focus is leadership. There are formal training programs in all branches of the military (e.g., military academy, ROTC, Officer Training School) and leadership training continues throughout your career. Does your organization offer career development? Do they reimburse you for continuing education?
The military hold ceremonies for changes in command. These formally acknowledge that change is happening and make the environment less disruptive. When was the last time you got to meet your new department head before they were hired?
The military physically train together. Does your company have a softball team? Axe throwing league? Charity walk/run?
The military has great expectations and expects the troops to rise to meet them. As James Clear says in his book, Atomic Habits, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” The military’s systems are designed to use positive peer pressure and incentives to build self-motivating troops. Does your company have a mission statement? Can you quote it?

Learnings

A 1994 study revealed motivation predicts success better than intelligence, ability, or salary. The military uses motivation techniques that can apply to the workforce. Rewards, (e.g. salary) only work as long as they are perceived as rewards. When the reward goes away, so does the motivation. Pay your workforce enough to live on, give them tools to become Subject Matter Experts, and agency to give their jobs their best efforts
The military is motivated to protect their country. Patriotism is a feeling. What feeling can you encourage in your employees? Loyalty? Service? Sustainability? Legacy?
The military emphasizes and rewards incremental progress. (e.g., moving up in the ranks). Giving your employees a several-step career path, defining the parameters to reach each step, then rewarding them with the next step when they reach those parameters, can help you retain them. A 1998 study determined people found life 22 percent more satisfying when they accomplished a steady stream of small goals rather than a few large goals
Sticking together is ingrained in military culture. It drives everyone to achieve a higher purpose. How do you bond your team? What contribution does your company make to society? Employees want to know they are working together to accomplish something that serves the greater good

What other ways do you think the workforce can learn from the military? Please share in the comments.

Over and Over and Over Again

Everyone likes to contemplate their navels on occasion. It becomes a problem when minutes turn into hours and you have nothing but belly-button lint to show for it. We have plenty of things to worry about, so let’s limit this conversation to the workplace. What is the difference between overthinking, worrying, and ruminating?

Overthinking

Overthinking is repeatedly examining a current stressful situation. For example, you’re working on a series of deliverables for your manager. He calls you into his office and asks you to explain why you are spending so much time on those projects instead of these other urgent tasks. You’re stunned and the conversation goes badly. Now you can’t get any work done because that interaction is all you can think about. “How did that happen? How did I get this far off target? Now what?” At your first opportunity, take a break and find a quiet place. Write down your thoughts. Then develop questions to ask your manager at your next meeting. If you do not regularly have 1:1 meetings, now is the time to request them. Phrase your questions in non-confrontational language. For example, “I’d like to send you an email first thing every Monday morning to find out what the top three projects are that you’d like me to work on for the week. Is that okay?” Taking action will help you stop overthinking.

Worrying

Worry is pondering threats to your future. This can be useful, but until you can actually predict the future, it will quickly drive you crazy. Taking the above example a step further, let’s say that the follow-up 1:1 with your manager can’t happen for a week. This gives you way too much time to think about how this second conversation could go even more sideways than the first. Instead of thinking about the worst that can happen, visualize the best that can happen. Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. You can only control the part you play in it. See yourself brainstorming with your manager. What ways to resolve the problem are you presenting? Relationships can be strengthened by working through conflict together. At the very least, your emotional intelligence will get a workout.

Ruminating

Ruminating is brooding over the past. Taking the above example even further, let’s say that you choose not to visualize the best that can happen at the next meeting with your manager. Instead, you get stuck replaying the original conversation in your mind. You’re dwelling on something you cannot change. Every time you think about that conversation, you feel the negative emotions that you felt then. When you fall short of someone’s expectations, it’s wise to review what led to the negative result because it can help you develop triggers to prevent it from happening again. However, mulling over something you cannot change can lead to self contempt. This not only can erode your confidence and encourage you to habitually berate yourself, but if you keep going down that path it can also lead to depression. If that is your situation, then please take advantage of any mental health benefits your company offers. If your organization does not offer mental health benefits, then take a look here.

What do you do to stop worrying about work? Please share in the comments.

For Your Review

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! No, not Halloween; performance reviews! What? You don’t like performance reviews? I get it, but instead of thinking of it as your manager’s opportunity to remind you how far short of the company’s expectations you fell, turn the spotlight on how valuable you are. Employees have more leverage than ever to get both a promotion and a raise. You’ll probably have to ask for both, but how?

Justify

Your company pays you for the profitability you bring, not for your personal circumstances. Don’t base your case for a pay increase on the amount of your bills. Build it on your accomplishments that helped the company achieve its mission. The easiest way to do this is to keep a folder on your desktop with a collection of evidence proving your worth. It’s not only helpful for performance reviews, it boosts your confidence all year long. The folder can include:

Emails thanking you for a job well done
A link to the recommendation section of your LinkedIn profile. You ask people for LinkedIn recommendations, right? If not, do; and offer to give one in return
Notes on your Top 20 List of Achievements. Include:
- Projects you led that moved the company closer to its goals
- Revenue you brought in
- Savings you attained
- New clients you acquired (and their worth)
- Initiatives you originated and their positive financial impact

This is a job interview. It requires rehearsal. Ask someone to role play with you. After summarizing your Top 20 List of Achievements, encourage your practice partner to ask you hard follow-up questions. Frame all your answers around why your company would benefit by promoting you. Here are a few questions to help you hear your pitch out loud then get their feedback:

How will advancing your career positively affect the company?
What projects/initiatives/clients will this new role allow you to obtain?
Who in the company has to invest their time, energy, and attention in you so that you will be successful in the new role?

Specify

Now that you know and can demonstrate your worth, you have to respectfully communicate that you expect to be recognized and compensated for it. If your manager asks how much money you expect to make, ask them what their budget is. This can prevent you from not asking for enough. Whether or not they offer a number, enter the conversation with a salary range in mind and ask for the top. If the salary range for the position you want is public information within the company, then it’s easy to find. If you have to dig for it, is there someone who held that position whom you can ask? If not, research other job descriptions with the title you want as the keywords. What is the current salary for someone with your level of education, experience, and track record who lives in your city? Bring these statistics with you. They provide credibility of your value in the talent pool.

Clarify

If the company can’t afford to give you more money, but still wants to give you more responsibility, then think carefully before deciding. A performance review is a negotiation. Don’t think of their answer as a no. Think of it as a not yet. You can negotiate for compensation other than money right now and revisit the salary conversation later. For example, will they:

give you a better title?
approve working remotely two days a week?
assign you to lead more high-visibility projects?
reimburse you for leadership development training?

If you can reach a compromise, then get in writing exactly what your additional duties will be, the compensation you will receive for them, and for how long. Request to revisit the pay increase discussion in six months. Schedule that meeting before the conversation ends. Make sure it’s noted on your manager’s calendar and in your personnel file. The two of you are not the only people looking at your performance review. HR (at least!) is too. Make sure as many people as is appropriate know this conversation is not over.

Asking for a raise is not about what you want. It’s about what your performance has earned. You uniquely contribute to your organization and they benefit from your work, your influence, and your networks.

Is this how you prepare for a performance review? What did I forget? Please share in the comments.

Scary Stuff

There is plenty to be scared of this Halloween from unreal threats like horror movies to real ones like war. Let’s talk about what we can control. What scares you? Heights? Elevators? Networking? If all three, then finish reading this article before you RSVP regrets to your client’s happy hour event on the 20th floor of their office building.

The advice to face our fears goes back at least as far as Ralph Waldo Emerson’s suggestion that conquering a bit of fear everyday is the secret of life. Whether it’s fear of failure, loss, or change, getting out of your comfort zone can help you at work, but why should you and how can you?

Why? Because

You Can’t Avoid Scary Things – Unexpected illness or injury, destructive tornados, the consequences of other people’s decisions, these are setbacks that you cannot control. Setbacks happen and fear tells you they are bad, but fear lies. Setbacks are growth opportunities. They reveal what doesn’t work and that’s valuable data. Like Thomas Edison inventing the lightbulb. Learning to put scary things into perspective helps you navigate your reality.

Facing One Fear Gives You Confidence to Face More – Let’s imagine that you want to quit your job to start your own business and are afraid to tell your partner. Pitch it to them as if they were a client. Their questions may be a good basis for your business plan. Answering their concerns helps you rehearse for meetings with investors and clients. Talking through how you’re going to make the transition gives you a better idea of your timeline.

It Makes You Empathetic – Do you think you’re the only person scared to drive on the highway? I did. Since I began sharing my fear, I’ve encountered at least three other people with the same issue. I partnered with one to face the fear together. We ended up talking about other things that we’re afraid of. It made me more understanding and tolerant (I hope) of people whose fears are different from mine. Will this habit help me be a DEIB ally? (I hope.) I still get nervous driving on the highway, but it no longer prevents me from refusing opportunities like it used to.

How?

Imagine the Worst That Could Happen – Visualize what you would do in that situation. Having a plan gives you confidence.

Affirmations – Once when I had a precarious job, I wrote an affirmation on a sticky note and kept it on the corner of my laptop where my right hand brushed the paper every time I typed. It was a touchstone that helped me keep going when fear attacked.

Put the Work in – Doing what scares you makes what scares you less scary. Start small. For example, to lessen my fear of driving I take roads I previously traveled and tell myself that I’m just going a little bit further down them.

Fear serves a purpose. It helps you identify threats. When you get startled by a loud noise, you typically duck your head because it triggers the acoustic startle reflex we’re born with. This was useful to our ancestors who had to run from rockslides. It’s also useful to employees whose supervisors yell when they’re angry. You should run from them too.

Have you done any scary stuff at work lately? Please share in the comments.