Decision Making – Page 17 – mardihumphreys.com

Fake It Till You Make It

I was really excited to listen to this episode of Adam Grant’s podcast, WorkLife because it featured comic Taylor Tomlinson. The topic of the conversation was imposter syndrome. You have to have a lot of confidence to be a stand-up comic so I was surprised to learn that Tomlinson struggles with it. Volumes have been written about imposter syndrome since the concept was introduced in the 1970’s. How is it still a thing?

Old Assumptions

From its inception as a theory, imposter syndrome had a negative connotation because it induces sabotaging emotions like mistrust and fear. It is a mindset of self-doubt that plagues high-achievers. You think you don’t deserve your current level of success and any minute now you’ll slip up and be exposed as a fraud. But is that belief always bad? Can that fear be employed as motivation to become as competent as you want to feel?

New Data

Basima Tewfik is an Assistant Professor of Work and Organization Studies at the MIT Sloan School of Management. In October 2021, she released her study on imposter syndrome. She hypothesized that people with imposter syndrome have a gap between the perception of their competence and how competent they actually are. She worked with three different test groups in three different situations. In all three groups she found that the imposter-syndrome sufferers performed their jobs just as well as, if not better than, the test subjects who did not experience imposter syndrome. She concluded that the imposter-syndrome sufferers put additional efforts into their interpersonal skills.

Apply It

How could this new knowledge work for you? For example, you’ve probably heard that women apply for jobs when they meet 100% of the criteria in a job description, while men apply for jobs when they meet 60% of the qualifications. If women saw jobs they wanted, decided to acquire more of the skills listed in the description, and applied for the job anyway, then they demonstrate curiosity, continuous improvement, and problem-solving skills. Hiring managers crave these characteristics.

Thought Experiment

Imagine someone exposes you as a fraud. Picture the scene in your head with as much detail as possible.

Who is it?
What expertise do they claim you don’t have?
When in the process do they call you out?
Where are you when they challenge you?
Why do they say that you don’t know what you’re talking about?
How do you respond?

Your answers empower you to acquire knowledge, learn new skills, and practice emotional intelligence. These enable you to bridge the gap between what you perceive and what is real. You can feel like you earned your success.

Imposter syndrome involves both how you see yourself and how you think others see you. Here’s something else you can try: Ask three people you trust what they think your strengths are. If their feedback does not match how you want to be perceived, you now have information to plan your next goal.

How will you use this new research to make imposter syndrome work for you? Please share in the comments.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

While researching for last week’s article, I came across Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail.” How have I gone my whole life, including college English and history classes, and not known about this?! I fixed that oversight in my education. The 20-page letter is an eloquent expression of indignation and disappointment. How demoralized King must have been every time he banged his head against the brick walls of racism. His determination to wield his disappointment as a catalyst for change is a master class in rhetoric. His example can inspire our behavior at work.

Open Your Mind

When you are disappointed because you didn’t get the reaction you wanted, pause long enough to let the emotion finish its cycle. Then, analyze the situation with as much objectivity as you can muster. With that particular door closed, what window just opened? For example, if you were rejected for a promotion, then you need to consider your role in the organization through the selection committee’s eyes:

Did you work really hard at projects they consider housekeeping?
Did the person who received the promotion spotlight themselves more than you did?
Is the promotion political instead of based on merit?

The answers to these questions plant another decision tree:

Will the selection committee give you feedback regarding why you weren’t promoted?
Are you willing to do what it takes to get promoted?
Do you want to remain an employee of this company?

When eight fellow clergymen publicly criticized King for his Birmingham Campaign, he chose to use his time in jail to write a treatise that still speaks to us today. Even though his body was incarcerated, his mind was free.

Practice Emotional Intelligence

When you are disappointed because your expectations are not aligned with your coworkers, communicate.You are probably not alone in your disappointment. You can state in a meeting or an email what you perceive, then ask for clarity. For example, Does everyone on your team know what their role in a project is? Do they know what each other’s roles are? Does everyone know which project has priority and when it is due? Not all projects are equal. The client who supplies your organization with the most revenue will receive most of the team’s energy even if they are not the team’s favorite client. “Letter from Birmingham Jail” is King’s comprehensive effort to communicate with his fellow clergymen and align everyone’s expectations.

Level Up Your Goals

When you are disappointed because you failed to reach one of your S.M.A.R.T. goals, use the setback to refine and iterate your next one. For example, is the system you’re using to qualify leads not helping you meet your monthly quota? Analyze your process. Are all the elements sound? Did you not make quota three months in a row? Were any external circumstances negatively impacting your process? In his “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” King broke down his process of the non-violent campaign into four basic steps and gave examples of how he and his coworkers for justice moved through them.

How do you use disappointment to push yourself forward? Please share in the comments.

Lessons for Losers

Competition is a central theme in American society. The Super Bowl and the Olympics happening at the same time gave us competition overload. Even the men honored for President’s Day won a contest. You’re in contests every day. At work, you’re competing with teammates for the next promotion, on social media you’re competing with “friends” for likes, at home you’re competing with hostile Minecraft mobs for survival. Given the nature of competition, there can only be one winner. That means the majority of contestants are going to lose. How are the losers supposed to recover?

Perspective

Winning a contest often involves luck (preparation meets opportunity). When you have one shot at beating the competition, like the Super Bowl, many variables have to combine in just the right order to win. That’s one of the reasons underdogs are so appealing. After the Bengals lost the Super Bowl, quarterback Joe Burrow’s comments were full of responsibility for his performance, grace for his team, respect for his opponent, and hope for the future. His emotionally intelligent response after the loss is a template for how you can react when your team experiences a setback at work.

Perseverance

When you have to wait four years for a shot at a gold medal, having an off day during your short program can crush your spirit. In 2018 men’s figure skater, Nathan Chen, was favored to win gold in PyeongChang. But a series of failed jumps left him placing fifth in the men’s singles competition. Like a true statistics and data science major, Chen spent the next four years analyzing what went wrong and what it would take to fix it. He had plenty of experience dealing with adversity in regard to figure skating. When he started, his family was impoverished. He used his sister’s skates and all the money his mother could scare up to pay his coach. Chen seemed to learn early in his training that the only failure is giving up. The rest is just gathering data. His perseverance paid off when he won the 2022 gold medal in men’s singles figure skating in Beijing. His tenacity after the loss is a reminder to refine, iterate, and try your process again after your team experiences a setback at work.

Pivot

Everyone has to accept the outcome of a Presidential election otherwise democracy doesn’t work. If those who don’t like the outcome refuse to accept it and actively work to change it, then the nation can’t move forward. You don’t have to like the result in order to accept it. For example, Al Gore did not like the outcome of his 2000 Presidential contest with George W. Bush. But on December 13, 2000, after the Supreme Court decided 5-4 (another contest, btw) that Bush was the President of the United States, Gore said this: “Let there be no doubt, while I strongly disagree with the court’s decision, I accept it. For the sake of our unity as a people and the strength of our democracy, I offer my concession.” He turned his desire to serve the public into raising awareness of the dangers of climate change. Gore wrote and starred in An Inconvenient Truth for which he won an Academy Award for Best Documentary in 2007. His decision to shift focus after the loss is an inspiration to try new ideas after your team experiences a setback at work.

What lessons did you learn from the losers of the Super Bowl, Olympics, and Presidential elections that inspire you to keep competing? Please share in the comments.

Isn’t It Romantic?

It’s not the most romantic topic to discuss for Valentine’s Day, but since close to three out of four American couples say that money is what they fight about most, let’s get to the bottom of the problem so that we can get back to the love.

Our Lips Are Sealed

No one talks about money. Do you know what your coworkers’ salaries are? Trends indicate that 2022 will be the year to normalize pay transparency. If you can get comfortable talking with your team about money, then it will be easier to discuss with your partner too. Fights about money aren’t really about the money. They are about how we feel about the money. We bring all kinds of beliefs about it to our relationships including what society taught us about it, how our family used it, and our past experiences with it. For example, if you’d rather save money than spend it, then the pain center in your brain activates when your partner makes a purchase that you consider expensive. You may feel like you work hard to earn your paycheck and it’s bad enough that taxes, insurance premiums, retirement savings, etc., come out of it before you even see a penny and now your partner is spending what’s left on whatever they want. The spender got joy out of the purchase, but is now frustrated by your judgement of their decision. Both of you are making up negative narratives about one another in your heads because neither one of you feels good talking about what just happened. Now MY head hurts.

Start Me Up

Talk about money. When you decide to share your partner’s financial responsibilities, you both have to be self-aware enough to know what your values, triggers, and goals are. Then you both have to be brave enough to calmly communicate them to your partner on a regular basis. The two of you are in this financial situation together and need to maintain a team mindset. Keep your first conversation basic. Talk about a budget. For example, at least discuss what you have to spend (bills), what you have to save (emergency fund), and what you want to spend (leisure). If the word budget has a negative connotation for either you, or your partner, or both, then rename it. Call it Spending Plan, or Our Money Goals, or whatever label reminds you both that this agreement is a tool to help you build your future together. Ahhh…now we’re back to the love.

Let’s Dance

I oversimplified the solution, and simple doesn’t mean easy. Achieving financial compatibility can be more complicated than learning the Viennese Waltz. I boiled it down to give you a launch pad. The very act of starting the money conversation will give both of you peace of mind. You can’t put a price tag on that.

Why do you think talking openly about money is taboo in our society? Please share in the comments.

Hidden Treasure

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels

Continuous improvement is my business, so I’m habitually looking for manual processes to automate. Some of my clients get nervous because automation could eliminate an employee’s job. But that employee has a big advantage over the automating software application: soft skills. Only human beings can combine wisdom, communication, leadership, and self-awareness to get work done. If the employee is valuable, then I suggest the client take this opportunity to advance them into leadership. That decision calls for careful consideration because individual contributors tend to get promoted for their technical skills. However, the promotion often comes with people to manage requiring soft skills the new manager may not have. Here are three characteristics to look for when identifying a potential leader.

Growth Mindset

Leaders are constantly learning, questioning their own assumptions, and seeking feedback. For example, leaders:

Take personal initiative to adopt the company’s mission. They decide to find their role in furthering it even if being an individual contributor is not their dream job
See the big picture and think strategically about how they can help the organization get from where it is to where it wants to be
Not only focus on what they can control during a crisis but also look for new opportunities the crisis may spawn
Realize the next step toward a goal may require two steps back
Develop confidence when they refuse to be victims of setbacks
Favor performing small experiments to get the team comfortable with failure. They frame these failures as necessary to eliminate what doesn’t work
Don’t wallow in regret when they make a mistake. Instead, they find out where they went wrong to prevent it from happening again
Recognize the importance of celebrating every baby step the team takes toward their goal

Inspires Collaboration

Bestselling business author Daniel Pink, says 70% of employees spend at least some of their workday “persuading or convincing others.” People who do this well and for the benefit of both the project and the people working on it, are leaders. They:

Positively build, cultivate, and engage a disparate team to promote a workplace culture of diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging
Give relentless respect to earn trust and strive for mutual understanding
Rally the team to buy in to the plan that will complete the mission
Manage conflict to foster debate instead of defense
Encourage everyone on the team to maintain an attitude of, “It’s us against the problem, not us against each other.” This bonds the team and makes everyone stronger for the next challenge

Chronic Curiosity

In his book, Play Nice But Win, Michael Dell, Founder, Chairman, and CEO of Dell Technologies says, “Change, true transformation, is a race with no finish line.” Thanks to technology the rate of change is increasing and it’s not going to slow down. Leaders:

Champion transformation and look for what is coming next
Are more interested in relevant results than in looking the smartest person in the room
Apply the scientific method to business challenges. For example, COVID is forcing leaders to think critically about how work gets done because business “as usual” no longer exists. Solving that challenge begins with curiosity

What qualities do you look for in a potential leader? Please share in the comments.

You Can Talk To Me

You communicate so much you forget how complicated it is. The procedure is basic: receive information, process it, and respond. But the circumstances can be tricky. For example, communication can require:

A quick response (an emergency phone call)
Emotional control (face-to-face with an angry customer)
Tact (requesting clarification from your manager in reply to the vague instructions in their email)
Creating a secure environment (asking your teammates to turn their cameras on during the videoconference)
Warmth (posting on the company’s social media platforms)

You’re surrounded by obligations to communicate with managers, direct reports, teammates, departments, networking colleagues, customers, etc. You have to adapt your technique for each interaction, but common to all forms of workplace communication are: receiving, transmitting, and non-verbal.

Receiving

It’s counterintuitive, but good oral communication does not begin with speaking. It begins with active listening. During conversation when someone is speaking:

Give them your full attention by eliminating distractions (put your phone away)
Do not interrupt (listen to learn; not to respond)
Summarize what you heard and repeat it back (this prompts them to reciprocate when it’s your turn to speak)
Ask clarifying questions (“Would you please say more about why that metric is relevant?”)
Mirror their body language (but only if it is open. If it’s closed, (crossed arms and legs, furrowed brow) then open your body language and try to get them to mirror you)

Transmitting

Speaking – To successfully convey your message slow down your rate of speech, enunciate, and use as few words as possible. Avoid making your statements sound like questions. (Do: “Edit the third paragraph, please.” Don’t: “This needs edited, okay?”) Workplace communication is about collaborating, problem-solving, and receiving and delivering feedback. You are most effective when your words are positive and empathic. For example, “I know that you had a setback with our new client and I know you can also set things right with them.”

Writing – Most of your writing is probably email. Setting a pleasant tone (“I hope you had a good weekend”), composing a clear, concise message (“Our status update meeting is this Friday morning”), and closing with a clear call to action (“Please send me your report by COB Thursday”) are crucial to getting your desired result. People don’t actually read emails. They scan them. The more filler words your message contains, the more likely it is to be misinterpreted.

Nonverbal

When you consider nonverbal communication you probably think about tone of voice, eye contact, and hand gestures. But it can also be:

Work ethic (doing your job to the best of your ability)
Flexibility (you’re willing to occasionally adjust your schedule to meet a deadline)
Adaptability (you not only complete your own project but also pitch in and help where it’s needed)
Clothing and accessories (novel jewelry is a conversation starter)

Learning to communicate well is like learning to play a musical instrument or a sport. The more you practice, the better you get. What are you currently doing to improve your communication skills at work? Please share in the comments.

Time for a Brand Refresh

Soft skills are hard. It takes years of practice to hone interpersonal skills, build character, and cultivate a professional attitude. They can take longer to learn than advanced JavaScript and are more critical to job performance. Soft skills are based on making wise choices. They are so important that four years ago I started writing about them weekly. In a world that daily iterates thanks largely to technology and COVID, soft skills are game-changers for the future of work. Employees who can successfully navigate fluid situations are extremely valuable. Over the next month we’ll explore four broad categories of soft skills: wisdom, communication, leadership, and self-awareness. First, let’s clarify terms:

Hard Skills: These are technical skills you learn through education, practice, and repetition. You can prove these skills with a degree or certificate; for example, mastering a second language, getting your PhD in physical therapy, or earning your Project Management Professional certification. These skills are temporary and change as technology evolves.

Soft Skills: These skills aren’t dependent on acquiring education. They are personal attributes you accumulate through life experience. They help you interact effectively and harmoniously with other people. They are broad and difficult to quantify. They are permanent and required for every job.

Wisdom is a Soft Skill

Wisdom is knowledge gained through experience over time. Organizational psychologist and bestselling author Adam Grant says, “Wisdom is being fast to learn from others’ errors to slow the rate of yours.” You attain wisdom by collecting as many facts and as much truth as you can to make the best decision you can in the time that you have to make it. Here are three ways you use wisdom at work:

Emotional Intelligence – You have learned how to competently manage your emotions when you are under stress. You recognize when emotions are governing someone’s behavior and can empathize with them. You are able to identify someone’s motivation and use it to influence them both verbally and non-verbally. For example, you have a personal rule to wait 24 hours before replying to an email that makes you angry.

Time Management – You can plan strategically (you have to-do lists for today, tomorrow, next week, etc.). You can remain focused long enough to get into flow. You have boundaries around work-life integration. You put in the time necessary to grow trusted relationships. For example, you booked a recurring calendar appointment for the last hour of your workday on Fridays to update your monthly expense report.

Performance Under Pressure – You developed the patience to prioritize instead of criticize. You recognize that a looming deadline tempts you to cut corners, but you also remember garbage in, garbage out. Experience has taught you that ideas and solutions come faster after you’ve taken a break. For example, your biggest client threatens to leave. Instead of looking for a team member to blame, you personally call the client for feedback.

The fast pace of business makes managing our impulses, waiting for processes to run their courses, and looking at the big picture and where our selfie fits in it hard. So may we please re-label soft skills with an adjective that better describes them? What do you think of human skills or professional skills? Please share your ideas in the comments.

Be Like Betty

Betty White and I are birthday buddies. This January 17 is a more somber celebration as I both fondly and gratefully contemplate her example of a life well lived. To be (basically) a centenarian is an amazing accomplishment, but her longevity isn’t the most impressive thing about Betty White. When People magazine asked her about it recently, Betty attributed her long life to being a cock-eyed optimist. She said, “I got it from my mom, and that never changed. I always find the positive.” That mindset guided Betty to make wise choices regarding her T.E.A.M.; especially when it came to her work. Here are a few examples.

Betty Spent Her TIME Honing Her Craft

After co-hosting a daily variety show, Hollywood on Television, in 1952 she began hosting solo. For the next four years she improvised five and a half hours of live television six days a week by herself. At the same time, she produced and starred in another television show called Life with Elizabeth, for which she won her first Emmy. Over the following 70 years, Betty won seven more Emmys plus a Grammy, two Screen Actors Guild awards, and many other accolades. She wasn’t in the entertainment industry to win awards, but they are evidence of her job performance.

Betty Spent Her ENERGY Seeking New Projects

Her big break into celebrity came when she did a guest spot on the Mary Tyler Moore show. She did the job so well, she was made a permanent cast member. Betty’s role on Hot in Cleveland happened the same way. The Snickers commercial she did for the 2010 Super Bowl led to a guest hosting gig on Saturday Night Live. Betty knew what she could do, identified the need, and provided value where she could. Those soft skills are crucial to every industry.

Betty Spent Her ATTENTION on Leadership

The Golden Girls was groundbreaking television at the time the show began airing. It spotlighted the needs of an often overlooked segment of the American population. The premise of Betty’s final sitcom, Hot in Cleveland, challenged society’s standards and perceptions of women’s beauty.

Betty Spent Her MONEY on Under-resourced Organizations

She was as famous for being a life-long animal lover as she was for being an actress and her work funded her passion. Betty’s fame generated a fan club: Bet’s Pets. The membership dues all went to various animal rescue charities that Betty participated in.

In choosing to spend her T.E.A.M. in these ways, Betty created an enviable legacy. I’m grateful that she not only left us with an abundance of her work roles to enjoy, but also with life roles to model.

Betty White’s life story is much larger than I can tell within my usual 500 words. You don’t have to Google very hard to find articles describing why she is regarded as a pioneer, cultural icon, and national treasure. How has her passing prompted you to examine your purpose for work and life? Please share in the comments.

Back to Basics

COVID’s effect on the economy touches us all whether we lost a job, sold a house, or can’t buy toilet paper. Recovery is going to take years, but you can begin now by auditing some of your basic financial tools like credit cards, insurance, and retirement savings.

Credit Cards

Is your credit card serving your current lifestyle? If you have a card that pre-dates rewarding you for purchases, then you’ve outgrown it. For example, there are plenty of cards that offer a percentage of cash back when you use them to buy groceries. By the way, it is safer to purchase groceries with credit instead of debit.
Do you pay your credit cards off every month? Credit card companies usually charge compound interest; billing you both for the principal and for the convenience of carrying a balance. To avoid these charges, pay your credit cards off every month.
Are you applying for a new credit card? Use a prequalification tool. Applying for credit or a loan temporarily lowers your credit score by a few points. If you apply for multiple cards in a short period of time, that quickly adds up against you. Prequalification tools make soft credit inquiries which have no impact on your credit score.

Insurance

We purchase items when we need them, but you have to buy insurance before you need it. For example, when you rent an apartment, the lease often requires you to purchase a minimum amount of renter’s insurance. This not only protects your belongings, but it also protects the landlord from liability if you pursue a legal claim. If you move out with all your belongings undamaged, then you spent money on something you didn’t use. This can give you negative feelings toward purchasing any kind of insurance. It helps to think of it as buying peace of mind. Since you can’t predict the future, the minimum types of insurance you should consider are health, homeowner’s (or renter’s), short-term disability, life, and auto. For more details, go here.

Retirement Savings

If your employer offers a retirement plan, such as a 401(k), then consider contributing 10% of your income to it. If they offer a matching plan, then contribute at least as much as they do. If you don’t, you’re refusing to accept free money!
You need multiple sources of retirement savings. In addition to your employer’s retirement plan you should also have an Individual Retirement Account (IRA), even if you intend to take your Social Security benefits when you are eligible. There are plenty of IRAs to choose from.
If you’re not interested in managing your money, are intimidated by it, or confused by all the options for short-term and long-term investing, working with a financial planner is a wise choice. Do your research and find out how they make their money, if they are a fiduciary, and whether you need a financial planner or a financial advisor. Here is the difference.

It’s never too early or too late to get back to the basics of personal finance. I hope 2022 brings you prosperity!

What other personal finance basics have I forgotten to mention? Please remind me in the comments.

You First

Photo by Christian Domingues from Pexels

The constant running around during the holidays keeps you so filled with adrenaline that it’s easy to ignore how exhausted you are. Now that the holidays are officially over, you may feel under the weather. The very events that are supposed to be joyful often cause the most stress because of our (sometimes unrealistic) expectations. Add to that the uncertainty of the various variants of COVID plus the impending menace of cold and flu season and you have the ingredients for a tasty overthink stew. If your mind, body, and/or spirit are telling you to stop, then pay attention. Give yourself the gift of self-care.

Physical

Does stress have your neck tied up in knots? Get a massage. Do you feel jittery? Cut back on the caffeine. Do you feel sluggish? Cut back on the alcohol. Get up from your desk or couch and exercise. It doesn’t have to be strenuous. If it’s unseasonably warm, go for a walk. If it’s too cold outside to do that, then stretch or do some balance work. Be kind to your body by covering the basics: get eight hours of sleep, eat healthy foods, and drink plenty of water.

Mental

Not everyone’s holidays were happy. If you’re feeling more morose than merry, then try identifying your triggers. For example, does the thought of returning gifts in person at a big box store freak you out because of the close proximity of all the people and the possibilities of the presence of COVID? Then think about alternatives: go at a time when the store is least busy (Googling the store name will give you this data), wear a mask, and practice social distancing. Or, Is your mind overwhelmed by all the work others want your help with because they put projects on hold until after the holidays? Take a minute and ask yourself which of these projects require your unique expertise. Is there someone else you can delegate a project to? (Bonus points if that person is someone you sponsor.)

Spiritual

Routines can be calming. Beginning and ending your day the same way every day signals to your mind that everything is as it should be. Maybe you begin your day with prayer/meditation over coffee. Maybe you end it with box breathing as you lay in bed waiting for sleep. Practicing gratitude can be spiritual too. If you kept a gratitude journal for 2021, now is a good time to go back to the beginning and read it. If you didn’t, then to fill its pages for 2022, consider making it a priority to do one nice thing for one person everyday. It can be as simple as holding the door for someone behind you as you both enter the same building.

Resolve to pay attention to your mind, body, and spirit through regular self-care this year and do not feel guilty about it. If you want to pull out crayons and a Scooby Doo coloring book and spend an hour, then do it!

How do you practice self-care? Please share your tips in the comments.