Communication – Page 2 – mardihumphreys.com

Slamming Your Spending

How you choose to spend money reflects your values, priorities, and circumstances. People around you—whether friends, family, coworkers, or complete strangers—judge your choices. Why do people care how you spend your money?

Why People Judge

Cultural Norms: Society has expectations about how money should be spent. You may be judged because your spending doesn’t align with what people consider appropriate. For example: You spend money on a weekend getaway and your parents think you should put that money in your IRA instead.

Personal Insecurities: If someone feels insecure about their own financial situation, they may project those feelings onto you. For example: You invest in a risky stock and your friend (who is not a financial advisor) tells you that was a mistake.

Envy: People may criticize your spending if they feel you’re enjoying luxuries they can’t afford. For example: You drive your new car to work and arrive at the same time as your coworker. As you are walking across the parking lot, they ask, “How much did that set you back?”

How to Respond

Priorities: Make financial choices that align with your values and goals, not other people’s opinions. For example, Let’s say you are saving money to buy a house and your friend is giving you a hard time because it’s preventing you from going on a cruise with them. You may respond, “Our priorities are different right now. Spending that money isn’t an option; raincheck?”

Boundaries: If you second-guess your decisions because of someone’s judgment, remind yourself why you made those choices. You know your situation better than anyone and you have the right to keep your spending habits private. If someone asks intrusive questions, shut them down with a simple, polite response. For example: “This is what currently works best for me.”

Reaction: Someone’s judgement reflects their perspective, not the reality of your situation. Reacting defensively can escalate your encounter instead of diffusing it so respond to criticism with calm confidence. Stay grounded in your values, set boundaries, and be assertive. For example: When your uncle criticizes your spending you can say, “I’ve made these choices because they align with my goals. Let’s talk about something else.”

Evaluation: Sometimes, people offer unsolicited feedback that may be valuable. If the judgment comes from someone you trust and respect, consider whether there’s any merit to their perspective. For example, if a financially savvy friend questions a decision you made, consider whether they have a good point. Ask yourself, “Is this spending preventing me from reaching my long-term goals?”

People: You can’t control people’s opinions about how you spend your money, but you can control your response. If certain individuals frequently judge you, try spending less time with them and more time with people who respect your choices or keep their opinions to themselves. When you encounter judgment, respond with empathy. People may criticize your spending because of their own financial stress. Acknowledge their feelings without compromising yours. For example: You could say, “Finances can be stressful. We all have different priorities, and that’s okay.”

Learning: When a financial decision was bad for you, it will hurt. The pain helps you learn. Ask yourself: What trigger can I set to not do that again? Clarify your values, identify the change you need to make, and make it. Spending isn’t really about the money. It’s about how you feel about the money. People want to tell you how they feel. They assume you want to make them feel good and aligning your expectations to theirs does that. But, trying to meet others’ expectations is not only a recipe for frustration, it can also lead to financial decisions that aren’t in your best interest. Prioritize your own goals and you’ll find more peace in your choices, regardless of what others think. For example: When a teammate comments on your spending habits, you could say, “I prefer to focus on what’s best for me rather than comparing myself with others.”

How do you handle being judged for your spending habits? Please share in the comments.

Serve or Protect?

Some clients are a dream to work with, and others, well, not so much. You know the type: They are rarely satisfied with your work. They question every item on every invoice, then don’t pay until their second notice. They negotiate every project as a zero sum game. If this relationship is not a one-shot deal, then you have to keep losing in order to please them and that is unsustainable. Should you let this high-maintenance customer go?

The Problem

First, query your team and define all the ways this client makes trouble for you. Do any of the following sound familiar?

Communication: You need their input to deliver their custom solution, but they avoid participating in the process. They refuse to tell you how they want to receive communication then complain they missed an update. They expect immediate responses from you, but they ignore your questions. Their vague, last-minute changes disrupt your service to your other clients.

Deliverables: They scope creep by regularly asking you to do more work than you agreed to and they don’t want to amend your contract. They complain you don’t do enough for them even when the deliverables in the contract are met.

Payment: They question every invoice. They ask you to lower your fees. They chronically pay late.They have threatened to take their business elsewhere more than once.

The Assessment

Now that you know what the problem you are solving for is, determine how bad the problem is. What is the impact on these areas?

Finances: Are they a significant source of your income, or are they actually costing you money with their late payments, demands for discounts, and scope creep?

Resources: How much of your team’s time, energy, and attention does this client take? How many other clients could you serve if you reclaim those resources?

Stress: How much frustration do they cause you? How much do your coworkers worry about this particular client? How far does your team’s productivity drop when working on this customer’s projects?

The Preparation

If the negative impact has outweighed the benefits for at least one year, then it’s time to consider ending the relationship. How should you proceed?

Look at Your Data: Do a cost analysis. Over the course of the contract how much of your organization’s resources were spent on this customer? For every team member, note all the time spent on internal and external communication as well as the actual work on the project. What is the percentage of everyone’s total hours worked? Show these numbers broken down by team member in a report. This unsustainable loss is the main reason you can site for ending the relationship.

Review Your Contract: Understand the terms of your agreement, especially regarding termination. This will help you navigate the process legally and ethically.

Visualize Your Encounter: See yourself explaining to your client why you’re ending the relationship. You are confident. You are not angry. You are calmly and tactfully getting right to the point. You are stating how it’s in the best interest of both parties to go your separate ways. Now rehearse out loud what you’re going to say.

The Conversation

All the analysis and preparation has lead to this. What is the best way to break the news?

Schedule a Meeting: Arrange a time to speak with the client. Face-to-face is ideal, but a video chat can also work. You want to see as many of their nonverbals as possible.

Be Direct and Polite: Start by acknowledging the positive aspects of the relationship, then explain why it’s no longer working. For example, “I’ve enjoyed working with you over the past year, but I feel that our working styles and expectations are no longer aligned.”

Focus on the Business: Emphasize that the decision is based on what’s best for your business. Pull out that cost analysis you worked so hard on.

Offer Alternatives: Suggest other professionals who might be a better fit for the client’s needs. Before offering this, ask those other professionals if they are willing to meet with this client.

Keep it Professional: Stay calm and composed, even if the client reacts negatively. Avoid personal attacks and blame. Take a deep breath, settle your emotions, and focus on the process. Your goal is to end the relationship on as positive a note as far as it is up to you.

The Aftermath

The hardest part is over. What loose ends still need tied?

Wrap It Up: Send your now former client an email summarizing the conversation and confirming the termination of the relationship. Request immediate payment of their final invoice. If there are any remaining tasks, clarify who will handle them. If they seemed interested in your suggestions of other companies who may be a better fit for them, include their contact information.

Move Forward: Use this experience for process improvement. Now that you know where your team’s boundaries are, communicate them to potential clients from the beginning of the relationship. This will help you vet them. For example, if they complain to you about the company they work with, then expect them to complain about you when inevitable conflicts arise. When it’s time to draw up a contract, include details on expectations for communication, deliverables, deadlines, and firm payment terms.

Have you ever had to fire a client? Please share your experience in the comments.

Time Keeps on Ticking

Managing your time at work is challenging. A coworker Skypes you and the interruption derails your focus. Checking your phone plunges you down digital rabbit holes. The research your manager assigned you triggers information overload and bogs down your process. The next thing you know two hours have whistled past your ears.

What’s Happening?

It can be tricky to tell whether you’re procrastinating or distracted, so let’s define our terms. Procrastination is intentionally avoiding tasks you need to complete. For example, instead of calling a high-maintenance customer, you choose to check your Snapchat. Distraction happens when external stimuli pull you away from your tasks. For example, your smartphone dings notifying you someone has left a new Snap. Here are some examples of each and what you can do to battle both.

Procrastination

Challenge: You frequently delay working on tasks, even though you know they are important.

Suggestion: As soon as you receive an assignment, visualize how it will look when it is completed. Imagine feeling relieved it’s done, your manager is impressed by your work, and you have another addition to your “Atta Baby!” file.

Challenge: You rationalize to yourself why it’s okay to postpone tasks.

Suggestion: In about 50 words, write down (or type up) those rationalizations then read them out loud to yourself. If you have to explain to your manager why you didn’t complete the task using the 50 words you wrote, will you be embarrassed?

Challenge: You feel overwhelmed by projects so you avoid them.

Suggestion: Avoiding projects does not make them go away. Open up a spreadsheet and put the projects in order according to their deadlines. Reverse engineer each project so you know what tasks have to be done and give those tasks deadlines. Now you have project plans. Calendar the tasks so you are triggered to do them.

Distraction

Challenge: You quickly check your phone multiple times throughout the workday breaking your concentration.

Suggestion: Put your phone on silent and stick it in a drawer. Build breaks into your work schedule. Don’t go more than two hours without one. Commit to only checking your social media on those breaks.

Challenge: The constant barrage of DMs, texts, and emails pulls you away from your tasks.

Suggestion: Silence the notifications on all your communication mediums. Since your phone is already on silent and in a drawer, now turn off the desktop alerts that pop up on your screen every time someone sends you an email or direct message. Schedule 30 minutes on your calendar three or four times per workday to answer all those communications. If you are afraid of making your manager wait for your response, tell them about this plan and that it’s an effort to get your work done more efficiently.

Challenge: Multiple projects have you gathering tons of information. You spend hours sifting through it.

Suggestion: Remember those project plans you made back in Procrastination? When you pull up the spreadsheet to check off the task you accomplished, add the relevant details to it like dates, links to supporting articles, email addresses, any details you may need to bookmark where you are in the project. This information is also handy for quickly producing robust reports. If you feel overwhelmed by the number of spreadsheets you create, keep a list of them with hyperlinks on your desktop for easy reference and retrieval.

Do you lose control of your attention? What do you do to take it back? Please share in the comments.

High Pay Can Cost You

Welcome to the final article in our Toxic Traits series. In part one,
we asked what’s up with the toxicity-in-the-workplace trend. Part two
suggested what managers can do to mitigate its effects. Part three
explored how individual contributors can make workplaces less toxic. Now let’s talk about your wallet.

The allure of a high-paying job can be irresistible. You can have financial security. You can afford luxuries. You can climb up a rung or three on the social-status ladder. But those perks come with a hidden cost when the workplace environment is toxic.

The Pros

Stability: You can pay off debt, build savings, invest in property, and afford quality healthcare and education for both you and your family.

Comfort: You can upgrade your housing, travel more often, and participate in expensive hobbies.

Opportunities: Working in a high-stakes, high-paying environment offers valuable experience and visibility to leadership. These roles can be stepping stones to even more lucrative and prestigious positions within the organization.

The Cons

Stress: The constant negativity of a hostile work environment eventually destroys your productivity. Chronic stress leads to burnout, depression, and anxiety disorders. Stress also manifests physically through headaches, high blood pressure, diabetes, and/or a weakened immune system.

Balance: Toxic workplaces often demand excessive hours and emotional investment that erode the boundaries between your work and personal life. This imbalance strains relationships and reduces time available for self-care and fun.

Ethics: Working in a toxic environment may require you to compromise your principles. This creates internal conflict over moral dilemmas and reduces your self-esteem and professional integrity.

Only you can decide whether the financial benefits of a high-paying job in a toxic workplace are worth the negative impact. Some questions to ask yourself: How far will your resilience stretch? How long will these circumstances last? How patient will your support systems be?

Your Choice

The financial security and career advancement may outweigh the negative aspects, especially if you have effective coping mechanisms and strong external support. But do not underestimate the toll a toxic work environment takes on your mental and physical health, relationships, and overall happiness. The tipping point where toxicity outweighs financial compensation differs for everyone. Here are a few clues the job is no longer worth it.

Health: When your physical or mental health problems become obvious and unmanageable. When you always feel physically exhausted, mentally detached, and/or emotionally numb.

Relationships: When your personal relationships suffer significantly due to your work-related stress and unavailability.

Happiness: When the job requires compromising your values to the point where it affects your self-respect, you lose your sense of purpose, or the grind is relentless.

When You Can’t Leave Yet

If you depend on this job to pay your bills and can’t quit yet, recognize the signs of intolerable toxicity, evaluate your circumstances, and be proactive in mitigating its negative impacts.

Boundaries: Define, communicate, and maintain boundaries between your work life and your personal life to protect your time and relationships.

Cope: Lean on friends, family, and/or professional counselors to help you maintain both your mental and physical health. Relieve your stress through exercise, meditation, hobbies, or whatever self-care looks like for you.

Strategize: Invest in certifications that will open doors to better opportunities elsewhere. Attend networking events and connect with people who work in organizations you’d like to work for. Hire a career coach to help you prepare for your future. It’s good to have hope.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace because the job paid well? Was the compensation worth it? Please share in the comments.

Employees Engage

If you’re just joining us, we are in part 3 of 4 in our Toxic Traits series. So far, we’ve thought about why toxicity in the workplace seems to be on the rise and what managers can do to make the workplace less toxic.

Have you seen any Reels like these lately? Social media amplifies discussions about workplace issues, bringing visibility to toxic behaviors that used to be overlooked. While these videos make you laugh as well as feel seen, they don’t exactly help you solve your toxicity problem. Through collaboration, inclusivity, communication, and mutual respect you can help transform your workplace into an environment where both employer and employees thrive. This solution seems simple, but it’s not easy. So, what can employees do to make your workplace less toxic?

Communicate Effectively: Interact respectfully with colleagues and supervisors. Commit to constructive communication and use the appropriate medium. For example: When you feel like someone belittled your idea in a reply-all email, instead of immediately defending your position, reply all with, “I’d like to learn more. I’ll set up a call for you and I to go deeper.” Showing curiosity in their input signals you have an open mind. Pulling the issue out of the group email demonstrates emotional intelligence. By the way, keeping your mind open does not mean you have to change it.

Support Peers: Foster a collaborative atmosphere by helping your teammates. For example: When someone new joins your team, think about what you wish you’d known when you were in their shoes. Are there certain reference documents in the shared drive they should know about? Does the team take turns buying coffee? Offer to be available to answer their questions.

Engage Constructively: Participate positively in meetings to build a sense of community. For example: When your weekly check-ins start off with what went wrong, call out a teammate who helped make it right.

Manage Stress: Practice self-care to maintain personal well-being. Establish and maintain healthy boundaries around time spent on work. For example: When you receive a work email during Jeopardy! do NOT reply.

Report Issues: Speak up about toxic behaviors using appropriate channels. For example: When you repeatedly get left out of emails containing information pertinent to your responsibilities on the project, get face time with the source and ask them to add you to the thread. You do not have to be confrontational. Concentrate on the call to action. You can say, “Will you please add me to the email list for the project? It has come to my attention I need that information to complete my part of it. I can wait while you do that right now.”

Help Others: Embrace opportunities to stay engaged. For example: When your marketing department needs an extra hand hosting a table at an event your organization is sponsoring, volunteer to help. This gives you insight into another department, feedback on how your work contributes to your organization’s brand, and a networking opportunity.

Both employers and employees have crucial roles to play in growing a healthy workplace culture. It takes perseverance, but working together will decrease toxicity, increase productivity, and promote overall well-being for everyone in the organization.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace? What did you do to make it less toxic? Please share in the comments.

Managers Matter

Last week we wondered if workplaces are becoming more toxic in part one of our series, Toxic Traits. The growing awareness of the effect of employment on mental health keeps workplace cultures under scrutiny. We talked about possible causes and listed some clues to watch for. Every employee of an organization at every level influences its culture. This week let’s talk about how managers impact your work environment.

The Role of Control

Excessive control, whether through micromanagement or rigid policies, can lead to feelings of powerlessness and frustration among employees. On the other hand, a lack of control or guidance can create confusion and insecurity contributing to stress and dissatisfaction. To successfully supervise a team, managers must balance guidance with agency. Your team should have a clear mission as well as feel trusted to perform their duties.

Set Them Up for Success

Empowering employees with decision-making authority on how to meet their key performance indicators develops an individual contributor’s sense of ownership and accountability. Providing clear direction, like establishing monthly goals and coaching on how to reach them, sets your team up for success. When you balance oversight with autonomy you significantly reduce the potential for toxicity. Here are some suggestions.

Open Communication: Encourage transparency and honest feedback through regular check-ins with each member of your team. Allow your direct reports to voice their concerns without fear of retaliation. Address any issues quickly. This both prevents escalation and builds trust.

Clear Expectations: Define roles, responsibilities, and goals. Make sure they are realistic. When circumstances change, revisit them. Every six months at one of your check-ins, analyze how the last six months went. Align expectations for the next six months.

Work-Life Integration: Can you offer flexible working hours, remote work options, and/or resources for mental health and emotional well-being like an employee assistance program (EAP)? Can you budget for investing in professional training and personal development opportunities for your team? Continuing education in communication, leadership, and diversity will not only help them grow and feel valued, it will positively impact your organization’s bottom line. At the very least, ensure your employees take regular breaks and use their vacation days.

Foster Inclusivity: Create a culture of respect and belonging where diversity is valued and discrimination is not tolerated. Implement and enforce policies that protect against harassment and other toxic behaviors. Promote teamwork and collaboration to build strong, supportive relationships among coworkers. Check your hiring and promotion processes for hidden biases. Monitor your team’s workload distribution. Is one person doing all the heavy lifting?

Recognize Progress: Acknowledge employees’ hard work and achievements and reward them with public praise, an email to your Director, lunch with the C-Suite, or a gift card. Learn what type of recognition makes them feel valued and use it to reward them.

Lead by Example: Demonstrate the values and positive behaviors you want to see from your team. You set the tone for the organization.

Both employers and employees have a role in preventing workplace toxicity. Next week in part three of this series, Toxic Traits, we’ll look at some of the ways employees can promote a healthy work culture.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace? What was your manager’s role in the toxicity? Please share your story in the comments.

All the Feels

Does your workplace feel more toxic lately? Behavior once normalized or ignored is now being challenged and more openly addressed. Is there really more recognition and willingness to confront existing issues? Or have additional pressures and rapid changes in modern work environments actually increased their toxicity?

What Is Going On?

The stressors COVID-19 introduced, like remote work challenges and layoffs, heightened feelings of toxicity. Since the end of the pandemic, lots of other factors have surfaced. For example, the accelerated pace of digital transformation, heavier workloads due to short staffing, and a greater emphasis on productivity. Societal issues like economic instability, Artificial Intelligence advancements, and disagreements over national and local politics add to a workplace’s toxicity. The expanding gig economy introduces new stressors, like job insecurity and isolation, which can worsen feelings of toxicity.

Are Workplaces Inherently Toxic?

No, but certain conditions can foster toxicity if left unchecked. The nature of a workplace depends on its culture, management, and habits. Toxicity comes from a combination of ingredients like poor leadership, lack of clear communication, unrealistic expectations, the absence of support systems, and unaddressed conflicts. A workplace culture that rewards open communication, values employee well-being, and practices mutual respect is less likely to be toxic. On the other hand, a highly competitive culture that prioritizes results over well-being can breed toxicity if not managed properly.

How Can You Tell?

High Turnover: A constant influx and outflow of employees suggests dissatisfaction and a problematic workplace culture. For example: Have 28% of your new coworkers left within the first 90 days of their employment?

Low Engagement: Disinterest, lack of self-motivation, cynicism, and minimal participation in workplace activities are red flags. For example: How many people actually showed up for the annual company picnic last year?

Poor Communication: Ineffective communication channels, lack of transparency, and withheld information contribute to mistrust and confusion leading to frequent misunderstandings among team members. For example, in the last week, how many meetings that should have been emails did you attend?

Work-Life Imbalance: Excessive overtime, unrealistic deadlines, and constant pressure lead to stress and burnout. For example: When you ask your manager when a project is due is their standard answer, “Yesterday.”?

Negative Interactions: Bullying, gossip, and cliques create a hostile and divisive atmosphere. Any form of prejudice or harassment, whether subtle or overt, contributes significantly to toxicity. For example: When you go to the break room and your manager is in a whispered conversation with your coworker, do they look at you with startled expressions, stop talking, and leave the room.

Unfair Practices: Favoritism, discrimination, and unequal treatment undermine morale and trust. For example: Are the ideas you suggest in meetings frequently ignored, then a few minutes later someone else presents your idea as their own and it’s considered brilliant?

Micro Managers: Excessive control by supervisors and lack of employee autonomy stifle creativity, lead to resentment, and reduce job satisfaction. For example, if your manager is in the office, do you have to be in the office too?

Both employers and employees have a responsibility to make sure their work environments do not turn toxic. Next week in part two of this series, Toxic Traits, we’ll talk about how employers can ensure a healthy workplace.

Were you ever employed in a toxic workplace? What was your first hint that the culture was toxic? Please share in the comments.

Assess Your Systems

This is part three of four in the series, Stop and Think. In part one, we talked about reflecting on how you spent your time during the first two quarters of this year. Last week we put some energy into applying the insights you gained to update your goals for the rest of 2024. This week, let’s take your newly iterated SMART goals and turn our attention to your systems for reaching them.

What is the Difference?

SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound) goals help you break down big ambitions into manageable tasks and set a timeline for reaching them. Goals are the results you want to attain. Developing systems focuses on your process to achieve those results. Now that you have updated your goals for 2024, you also need to update your systems. I’m thinking here of a quote from Atomic Habits:

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
James Clear

Reflecting on the last six months, do you see where your current routine led you to where you are now? How far off target are you? Gradual improvement is key to reaching your SMART goals. The purpose of your habits should be to help you keep making incremental progress. Flexibility and adaptability ensure that your incremental progress is in the right direction. Adjust your habits so they give you both the consistency and direction you need. For example, let’s say you got reassigned to a new department in May and are getting acquainted with four new team mates. Having a system to build relationships with them so that you can get to know, like, and trust each other will not only enable your team to complete work assignments faster, but also increase the quality of your projects’ results. Your system for getting to know your four coworkers is asking them how their weekends went during your project status meetings, so progress is slow. To get to know them more efficiently, calendar a 30-minute coffee meeting at the beginning of the workday every Tuesday for a month with a different team member. If during one of these coffee talks you discover it’s going to take more than 30 minutes to get acquainted with a certain team member, then schedule another coffee for next month. Experiment with your systems and adjust them to serve your goals. This helps you remain agile and open to change. Adaptability is crucial to your success at work. It is essential for navigating the challenges of your current responsibilities. It is also a highly sought after power skill.

What’s Next?

Let your manager know you have updated your goals and systems in your next one-to-one meeting. Give them a brief summary of your reflection including what you noticed was not working well, your updated goal, and your new plan to reach the goal. Tell them you intend to implement this process through the end of Q3, then report the results back to them at the beginning of October. This not only helps you be accountable, it also lets your manager see you are self-motivated, take initiative, and are a leader.

What modifications can you make to your routine to improve the systems that support your goals? Please share in the comments.

Money Wise

Your plan for keeping your children busy all summer is now in effect. Camps, your library’s summer reading program, maybe a summer job, will keep them occupied and gathering new input they can use during the next school year. Have you factored teaching them how to manage money into your summer plans?

The Sooner The Better

You may feeI they are too young to learn about budgeting, but spending and saving money is not really about money. It’s about how you feel about money. Even if your children’s school gave them an age-appropriate course on money management this year, don’t rely on it to teach them financial literacy. You want to be your children’s guide to managing both their emotions and expectations. By age three, most children recognize money. Between ages five and seven they understand the concept of working to get it, so start teaching money management skills from an early age and prepare to make money an ongoing conversation.

Practice, Practice, Practice

As your children mature, their critical thinking around money should too. For example, give your kindergartner a specific chore (e.g., putting their toys away) and a weekly allowance for it. Help your second-grader create a simple budget by labeling three envelopes: Spend, Save, Taxes. If they receive $10 every two weeks, then $8 goes to Spend, $1 goes to Save, and $1 goes to Taxes. You will have plenty of conversations about those envelopes over the course of the summer. You can introduce concepts like opportunity cost and delayed gratification. You can talk about the importance of thoughtful planning, disciplined spending habits and why you pay taxes. Let your middle-schooler eavesdrop on family finance discussions like, will the household budget allow you to go out to eat tonight? Buy a new car next month? Pay for extracurricular school activities next year? By the time you have a high-school freshman, it’s time to make borrowing money part of the conversation.

Give Them Some Credit

While it can be a powerful tool for achieving financial goals, borrowing requires being a bit of a futurist. You have to teach your teen to weigh the benefits of debt against its risks while simultaneously helping them avoid potential pitfalls. You can do this by teaching them how to manage credit cards. Your bank/credit union/financial institution can add a card for them to your account. You can set a credit limit, monitor their spending, and set their payment schedule. Now you have four years to help them practice determining how much debt is realistically sustainable given their income, expenses, and long-term goals. You expose them to concepts like interest rates and how much it really costs them when they don’t pay off their balance every month. The closer they get to graduating, the more concepts you can introduce. For example, what a FICO score is and how to keep an eye on it. If college is a goal, managing credit card debt gives your children practice for managing student loans. This is also a good time for your family to periodically evaluate your financial strategies, analyze current priorities, and question assumptions. For example, is going to college your child’s goal? What are the alternatives? Gap year? Internship? Trade apprenticeship? Full-time employment? In light of your financial situation, what makes the most sense? This type of discussion is a good example of when managing money is really about managing emotions and expectations rather than finances.

How do you teach your children to manage money? Please share in the comments.

Emotional Granularity

You’ve probably heard the advice that when you feel nervous, like before a presentation, you should tell yourself that you are not nervous, you are excited. By doing this, you turn the negative emotion into a positive one.

You’ve probably sat behind your computer trying to solve a difficult problem and suddenly your body feels like it ran a marathon. You think, “What is wrong with me? All I’ve done for the last hour is sit here and I’m exhausted.” When you feel frustrated, it’s not always because something is wrong, it may be because something is emotionally hard.

There is neuroscience behind these mindsets. For the health of your brain, as well as the rest of your body, take your process for dealing with your fight, flight, or freeze response a step further and recategorize stressful emotions.

What Is Emotional Granularity?

The next level of emotional intelligence is emotional granularity. It is the ability to precisely label your emotions at the time you are having them. This is a coping mechanism that helps you be more spontaneously resilient during a stressful situation. When you can recognize an emotion and label it, you can regulate it. You gain more control over the outcome of the situation you’re in at the time you are in it. While you can’t stop feeling emotions, you can decide how to act on them to create the results that most benefit you.

How Can You Use It?

You probably mentally place the label “negative” on the emotions you perceive as unpleasant. But emotions are neither positive nor negative. Emotions are electrical impulses in your brain signaling that what you’re experiencing is something you care about. For example, let’s say you are gearing up for your annual job performance review and you are dreading it. What would happen if you told yourself you feel determination instead of dread? You would be able to change your reality. You would prepare differently. If you dread, then maybe you avoid preparing for the review until the last minute because you don’t like the way it makes you feel. If you recategorize dread as determination, then as soon as your review date is scheduled, you pull out your Atta Baby file and revisit all the goals you met during the last year as well as the praise you received for your job performance. Now you have the documentation to remind the organization of your value. Now you have the confidence to prove your worth. Now that emotion is a force driving you to a more positive outcome.

Why Should You?

When you are in a situation that makes you feel anxious, your body is trying to tell you something. Instead of making a snap decision, stop and ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Paying attention to those feelings and getting curious about what is causing them gives you options for how to deal with them. The discomfort is rolling around in your brain anyway. You may as well catch the emotion, unravel it, and make it work for you.

How do you reframe your unpleasant emotions? Please share in the comments.