Last week in part one of this series, we talked about how obstacles to communication can lead to misaligned expectations. This week, let’s explore how that combination can lead to criticism, envy, or grudges and what you can do to prevent them.
Criticism
Taking criticism is like being randomly pelted by Wiffle balls all day. If you let criticism get to you instead of letting it go, then you risk derailing your career instead of protecting your brand. For example, Alexander Hamilton could not tolerate having his reputation questioned. Marty McFly could not stand being called chicken. One way to ease the pain of criticism is to identify your triggers. How did you feel when you were criticized? Embarrassed? Angry? Surprised? Consider the source of the feedback. Is it from someone you respect? Or did it come from someone who gains from tearing you down? When you figure out what triggers the emotion, you can disrupt it. This is one of the handful of times I do not suggest communication as a solution. Try letting it go first. If addressing the criticism is absolutely necessary to continue working with this person, then proceed with caution. 0% emotion, 0% sarcasm, 100% statement of the facts. E.g., “I’m aware that it has always been handled this way, but let’s both present our options to our manager and let them decide.”
Envy
You don’t advertise your struggles, right? Your resume is full of your hits, not your misses. When jealous of someone else’s success, ask yourself, What did they do to achieve it? What do they have to do to keep it? Is that even what I want? For example, if a coworker received a promotion that you wanted, then make a plan to get it during the next round. Figure out how they got the promotion. Did they receive high-risk projects? Did they make their successes visible to your manager? Did they communicate their expectation of moving up to those who promote? The answers will help you define your goals. Then list what actions you have to take to achieve them. Break those down into steps. Assign each step a deadline. Determine if it is worth your T.E.A.M.
Grudges
The negative energy holding a grudge produces manifests itself in your mind (depression), body (high blood pressure), and spirit (self-esteem). A grudge begins with feeling like you were treated unfairly. Then you repeatedly relive the incident substituting what you wish you’d said or done. Carrying those thoughts around is like trying to put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it. Reset your expectations to the reality of this moment. Do something to force yourself to stay in the present and out of the past: Meditate, take a walk, pray, journal.
Your coworkers will offend you and you will offend them. Most teammates don’t realize they offended you. Some don’t care. You give someone power over you when you retain negative emotions toward them. Decide to be the only one who dictates how you feel. It is extremely difficult to make wise choices at work if you’re resentful.
How do you deflect criticism, envy and grudges at work? Please share in the comments.