Time – Page 6 – mardihumphreys.com

Taking the Lead

The photo above is my reaction to reading my acceptance email to Leadership Dayton. I’m thinking, “This must be how Harry Potter felt when he got his letter to Hogwarts!” The program is offered by the Dayton Area Chamber of Commerce. For 10 months, leaders are immersed in the systems that make our community run. Let’s define leader as anyone who has a sphere of influence. Since everyone has a sphere of influence, everyone is a leader at some level. Why should anyone invest time learning how their community works? Even if you don’t commit to a formal leadership development program, giving time to your community benefits the work-life integration of both you and your workforce.

Empower

Your business exists to solve problems. You want coworkers who can quickly identify organizations that have the problems your business solves. A great way to do that is to join a committee for the non-profit organization of your choice. You’ll see their struggles firsthand and work with other volunteers to creatively solve them. Then you take the new problem-solving skills you learned back to work and show your team how to apply them to your next project. With this evidence, you could petition your C-Suite executives to allow individual contributors to volunteer on company time. The ROI for employees, non-profits, and your community is exponential.

Elevate

As a leader, one of your responsibilities is to reach behind you and pull others up the ladder. We usually think of that in terms of advancement in the company, but what your coworkers experience outside of the workplace affects them at the workplace. What do they need help with while not on the job? Do they need emotional support emerging from the pandemic? Help with a non-responsive landlord? Upskilling? Relationships with SMEs you can contact when your employees require resources like bankers, educators, and lawyers is a valuable benefit of working with you. For example, if one of your individual contributors has a child with special needs and is having trouble tracking down a specialist, if you volunteer on a committee at your local Children’s Hospital, you can connect them with assistance. This may seem way above a manager’s pay grade, but recognizing your workforce as human beings with needs you can meet builds trust, and business moves at the speed of trust.

Emulate

Once you get the hang of working with committees in your non-profit community, maybe even serving on a governing board, you are ready to reproduce yourself. Select a direct report with leadership potential and bring them alongside you to serve. When they get their feet under them, allow them to choose a coworker with similar interests and leadership potential and send the two of them off to start the cycle over. They may choose a totally different cause to support than you do, and that’s okay. Your community is full of diverse needs and needs diverse people to meet them.

I’m excited to go on this journey with my classmates and learn how I can use my T.E.A.M. in service to a community I love. How has taking the time to lead positively affected your company? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Should You Surf the Tsunami?

The number of posts from my LinkedIn connections announcing their new positions increases every day. Have you noticed it too? The Talent Tsunami is soaking us. Is it tempting you to find a new gig? Even now a job search can still be long, arduous, and uncertain. How can you tell when it’s time to move on?

In my role as a Change Agent, I ask questions so my clients can visualize both where they are and where they want to be. Next week, we’ll discuss how to figure out where you want to be. But first, here are questions to help you determine whether or not your current employment situation is still worth your T.E.A.M.

Your Body

Stress can physically manifest itself. Do you have headaches, nausea, and/or heart palpitations when you’re getting ready for work, at work, or just thinking about work? If so, your subconscious is trying to get your attention.

Your Mind

If your talents aren’t being tapped, you’ll get frustrated and, eventually, resentful.

Do your skills match the work you’re doing?
Are you unhappy the majority of the time you’re working?
Are you spending more time on social media than your work?
Are you watching the clock hoping time will speed up so you can leave?
Do you experience Sunday Scaries?
Are you looking at job postings and daydreaming about them?
Are you no longer proud of the work you’re doing?
Are you lowering your standards?
Do you hear yourself say, “It’s just a job”?
Have you lost your passion for the work?
Do you see your work as challenges or problems?
Careless mistakes (e.g., frequent typos, forgetting scheduled meetings) happen, but too many too often indicates that you’re disengaged from the work. Are you making too many glaring errors?

Your Environment

Has the novelty of being the SME worn off?
Are you tired of being the trainer and never the one learning something new?
Does your employer provide company time and money for upskilling?
Is advancement possible?
In order for you to move up, does someone have to leave?
Can you have a transparent conversation with your manager to find out if what you’re looking for can be attained within the company?
Have you taken on more responsibility and the effort has yet to be acknowledged?
Have you asked for a promotion at multiple performance reviews and even after completing the tasks your manager told you would result in advancement, they tell you that you’re still not qualified yet?
Are you no longer getting highly visible assignments?

Your Relationships

How do you get along with your manager?
Does your manager habitually give you instructions and refuse to hear your insight?
Does your manager refuse to negotiate benefits or discuss salary?
Are conversations with friends and family dominated by complaints about your job?

When you evaluate whether or not your current employment is worth your T.E.A.M. (Time, Energy, Attention, Money) what criteria do you use? Please share in the comments.

Travel Team

It’s vacation season and if you have a spouse, you want to travel together. But there are things you want to do that they don’t, such as spend five hours at one art museum, spend three hours at a coffee shop, or spend an hour reading a book at a botanical garden. Luckily, you have friends who think these pastimes sound heavenly. In addition to traveling with your partner, take a trip with a friend. These adventures are ripe with lessons you can take back to work.

Getting to Know You

Constant togetherness reveals hidden talents as well as idiosyncrasies. For example, you discover that your friend has an uncanny ability to quickly spot your Uber while they notice that you can easily navigate large airports. On the other hand, maybe you are irritated by your friend’s obsession with the weather forecast and they are annoyed by your insistence to walk everywhere. We learn to be more considerate of each other because our time together is finite. The same is true at work. Projects have lifecycles. Acknowledge an interpersonal conflict when it starts. Be quick to define both your and your teammate’s boundary. Additionally, recognize that taking the time to unravel and resolve miscommunication is time well spent.

Plan B (or C or…)

When traveling, sometimes Plan A won’t work. Issues like flight delays, a car rental company losing your reservation, and a broken air conditioner in your hotel room provide multiple opportunities to not only find out how good a business is at customer service, but also work with your friend to figure out how to overcome the obstacle. Which one of you will: Take the lead in patiently communicating the unacceptable situation to customer service? Motivate the other to remain calm? Influence the service you receive by confirming that everyone is working toward the same goal? After recovering from the setback, you can take the lessons you learned (e.g., active listening, empathizing, aligning expectations) back to work and apply them to your team’s next project. When unpredictable obstacles occur, you can confidently take the lead to solve them because you’ve experienced the emotional intelligence required to get through a frustrating process.

Teamwork

The first time you travel with a friend to a destination that’s new to both of you, logic dictates that you set the parameters of the trip and start negotiating. Who is booking the transportation? Who is booking the hotel? Who is booking reservations at the restaurants, museums, sites, etc. that you want to visit? You divide up the task list according to talent. They are good at determining how much time you need between connecting flights. You can detect if a hotel is as good as its marketing says it is. You must trust each other to complete these tasks. During the trip, you both are gracious when unforeseen challenges happen. You patiently support one another when mistakes in judgement cause setbacks. You encourage each other to stretch outside of your comfort zones. You remain flexible so both of you can reach the individual objectives you have for the getaway. See what I did there? These activities are examples of collaborative teamwork. The same skills and mindset you use traveling with your friend apply to the project you’re tackling with your coworkers.

Do you plan to travel with friends this summer? Where are you going? Please share in the comments.

You’re Not the Boss of Me

Here in the mid-digital age you may find yourself working as a member of a team more often than completing deliverables on your own. I’m a big fan of the-more-heads-the-better for problem solving, but when your supervisor tasks you with exerting influence over coworkers who aren’t your direct reports, you have responsibility without any authority. What do you do?

This scenario usually employs a version of the Matrix Model of Management. It’s a popular construct because it allows departments to share resources according to their functions. A company can take employees who report to various supervisors and assign them to project teams based on the talent required to complete the work. This not only saves the company money, but also fosters creative problem solving. The tricky part is: Who’s in charge? This ambiguity creates multiple challenges, especially if the team is large and/or there is competition to lead the project. Best practice: when forming the team, the supervisors assign the leader and communicate that information to the entire team.

When you’re the one in charge, you can’t offer the incentives (raises, promotions, getting fired) the supervisors can, yet you have to find a way to both engage and motivate the team because if they miss the deadline, you’re the one who gets in trouble. Leading through influence requires strong interpersonal skills. You have to take initiative early in the process to build relationships and persuade with diplomacy. Some things to consider:

Clarify

Defining roles and responsibilities at the outset helps eliminate frustration and duplication of efforts. At the first team meeting, decide together who does what and when:

What is the goal? What does success look like?
Who will shepherd which task and what are the deadlines? Pro Tip: The person who sets the deadline is in control no matter what their title is.
What are the project’s KPI’s? How will you know you’ve met them?
How will you meet? In person? Videoconference? How often? Daily? Weekly? What hours is everyone available for questions or huddles?
What information will you need from them? What information will they need from you?

Communicate

Each of your team members has multiple demands on their time from multiple supervisors and multiple projects. Every week team members should either submit an email report or meet with you for a brief update on both the progress of your project and the status of their other projects. This alerts you to competing deadlines and prompts you to notify your team’s supervisors. Ask the supervisors to prevent a crisis by prioritizing projects. Pro Tip: A written status report (on both successes and challenges) can double as documentation for annual performance reviews.
From the beginning and throughout the project, remind the team that you support their individual brands. Email their supervisors when they produce good work. Give the team visibility to the rest of the company.
Observe what motivates your team. Who works because it’s intrinsically rewarding? Who works for recognition? What are their career goals? Connect working on this project to reaching them.

Cultivate

Teams working on short projects together don’t have much time to connect on a personal level, yet business moves at the speed of trust. It’ll make your life easier if you can accelerate team bonding.
If a teammate is uncooperative, schedule a 1:1 and find out why as soon as they miss a KPI. Are there barriers you can remove (e.g., other projects)? Do they need resources you can obtain (training, equipment)? If the teammate still refuses to produce in a timely manner, send them an email reiterating your conversation and copy their supervisor. If you still can’t convince them to contribute, schedule a meeting with their supervisor and ask how they motivate the employee. Pro Tip: the emails should be enough evidence to keep this employee off of future teams you lead.

If you have to manage projects without authority over people, then you must build commitment and engagement. Find common ground and use it to align goal setting. Get your team the resources they need to do good work. Explain the logical (not emotional) reasons for taking an action and the consequences of not taking it.

Have you had responsibility without authority? How did that work out? Please share in the comments.

Balance vs Integration

Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA from Pexels

I mentioned last week my mom is retired. If you’re envisioning a little old lady sitting in a rocking chair and knitting, you haven’t met my mom. If she’s sitting in a rocking chair, It’s more likely she’s on her laptop in her home office, videoconferencing with a mentee in Turkey rather than knitting. Instead of trying to balance work and life, Mom has integrated them. She’s incorporated elements she loves (The Bible, studying) into her daily routine (counseling, mentoring).

If you have a job that can’t be done remotely, (e.g. factory, hospital) you have a better shot at work life balance because you leave your work at the place you perform it. But those jobs tend to have hours that don’t coincide with the school day. Balance then becomes: Are you going to your eight-year-old’s piano recital on Saturday or are you working your normal shift as a hair stylist? If you have more of a sales role (talent acquisition, productivity consultant) or knowledge worker (software developer, career coach) you have more freedom to integrate all of your responsibilities. For example, instead of working eight hours straight, work-life integration could look like this: you do deep work at 5:00AM while everyone is asleep. You break at 7:00AM for breakfast with the family. You work while the kids are in school. You answer emails after everyone goes to bed. Integration blurs the lines between home and work. Life becomes more fluid and less categorized. For example, developing a marketing proposal for a client and developing a vacation proposal for the family are both duties you may have, and you get paid to do one of them.

When I think of balance, I visualize the Scales of Justice and constantly trying to keep both sides even. But you don’t have work on one side of the scale and everything else on the other. Life is more like a large Marion’s Super Cheese Pizza whose squares are unevenly cut. Some are huge and some are tiny. Your squares include work, family, friends, health, personal development, spirituality, volunteering, leisure, etc. Some days, those bigger squares are going to be children (e.g., you have to attend parent-teacher conferences). Some days those big squares are going to be work (e.g., attending the all-company videoconference). After you eat a couple of big squares, you fill up on smaller ones: checking email while awaiting your turn at the parent-teacher conferences, light weight lifting while attending the all-company videoconference. (I recommend both video and microphone muted for this one.) Only you can decide which squares and how many to eat everyday. Make decisions based on your values, goals, and priorities. When you feel overwhelmed, write down where your T.E.A.M. is going (i.e., how many squares you’re eating). If you discover you’re spending your T.E.A.M. out of sync with your values, goals, and priorities, consider reassigning the squares. Maybe today the biggest square is the slide deck that’s due at noon and the smaller square is the social media post you told your church you’d do for them this week. You can even share your pizza, giving a square (like the social media post) to someone else.

Switching your mindset to integration can help you achieve the balance you want. How have you changed your routine to bring more harmony to your life? Please share in the comments.

Boundaries Battle Burnout

The World Health Organization recognizes burnout as an official medical diagnosis caused by an unrelenting work load and/or no work-life balance. It’s number two on this list of what employees said were their biggest challenges during the pandemic.

They feel:

pressured to be available 24/7/365
lack of flexibility at work
worried about losing their jobs
overwhelmed dealing with shuttered daycare and online school
not at liberty to talk about outside-of-work issues affecting job performance

To begin battling burnout, define, set, and enforce your personal boundaries with your manager.

Define

Your boundaries are based on your values and priorities. When defining them, think about what you need to feel empowered. The last time you felt undervalued, disrespected, or out of balance, what was the trigger? Did you have to work last weekend? Do you buy the office birthday cards and cupcakes for coworkers and it’s not in your job description? That’s where your boundary lies. If you could live that situation over again, what action would you take to change it?

Set

Does your manager randomly call you throughout the week? Schedule a recurring 1:1 catch up meeting with an agenda.
Feeling overwhelmed? Make a list of your priorities and ask them to do the same. In your next 1:1, compare lists. Are they different? Decide together what your top three responsibilities are and how much freedom you have to accomplish them.
If your manager’s expectations cross a boundary, how important is the boundary to you? Is a compromise possible? Is saying no a battle you want to fight?
Give updates on your projects’ statuses and request they prioritize them. Ask them to tell you more about why they need this new assignment done in this timeframe, and why the task requires your unique skillset.
Personal goals count. If your manager wants you to stay late, but your trainer is meeting you at the gym at 6:00PM, offer to get started early tomorrow morning. Compromise so you aren’t saying no all the time.
Best practice is setting boundaries at the beginning of a project. For example: Make a rule to only answer texts after 7PM if it’s an emergency, and define what constitutes an emergency.
Use technology to help you communicate boundaries: change your status to busy in Microsoft Teams (or whatever business communication platform you use), calendar an hour a day and label it as busy. You don’t have to say what you’re using the time for. Get the kids started on their homework if that’s what it takes to enable you to finish your work.

Burnout doesn’t just affect you, it affects the work too. You need to be flexible and accommodate the occasional emergency requiring overtime. But, regular work hours and exceeding the expectations of the project are good boundaries to help you both do the work everyday and juggle the other aspects of your life. Do not apologize for protecting the time it takes to do the work you are already assigned.

Enforce

Practice for boundary crossers. Rehearsal takes the emotion out of holding your boundary. Visualize your manager asking you to work on a Sunday morning; what do you do? Don’t fume over the infraction. Immediately reinforce your boundary by clearly and respectfully stating what it is and why it exists. Be consistent in holding healthy boundaries. You aren’t communicating clearly if you keep moving them. If you said you won’t respond to emails after 7:00PM, don’t open your inbox.

Your boundaries will get challenged. That will reveal where they are and help you to refine and iterate them. Those who set and hold boundaries gain respect. A friend just gave up a committee chair position because she assessed her commitments and realized she needed to off-load some. Will I miss her leadership? Yes. Do I respect her for making choices that help her achieve her goals? Absolutely.

When was the last time someone crossed one of your boundaries? What did you do to hold it? Please share in the comments.

You’re Asking For It

Our daughter called to tell us that a high-profile initiative she discovered and shepherded right up to the president of the international company’s office was approved. We celebrated then asked if this could lead to a promotion. She reminded us she was promoted in the last round of reviews and no one receives consecutive promotions. I suggested that may be because no one brings this level of business development to the company until now. (You expect her mother to say that, right?) Our conversation reminded me how difficult it can be to ask for promotion.

Problem

Society conditions us to believe our work should speak for itself and our employer will automatically reward us. Your manager’s job description may include developing you professionally, but they don’t have time to ask themselves, “Did my direct reports do anything promotion worthy today?” You are in charge of your future. If you’re doing next level work, you deserve promotion. Just because it’s not normal doesn’t mean you shouldn’t discuss it with your manager. You may be a catalyst for change.

Solution

Study the job description of the position you want. Do and document that next level work (especially your successes), then ask for the promotion at the appropriate time. Prepare for it by answering these questions:

Who profits from it? Promotion has to benefit your team, manager, other departments, the company, your clients, and you. What do others gain from your promotion? Leadership? Loyalty? Labor? Are other people going for this promotion? What makes you different? Do you have more: Certifications? Creativity? Connections? Be prepared to address how you’ll arrange handing off clients, working with teammates who may be jealous, and prioritizing multiple projects.

What have you done to earn it? Know the metrics by which your job performance is measured and track them weekly, quarterly, and yearly. Use this data to quickly and easily build your case. For example: How much money did you save the company? How much revenue did you bring in? How innovative is your solution to a perpetual challenge? What are your department’s KPIs?

When is the best time to ask for it? Traditionally, formal annual job performance reviews are the best time to present your case. If your company evaluates more frequently, don’t let receiving a promotion last time stop you from asking for another this time. If your company doesn’t do annual reviews, request one. You need to know at least every 365 days if you’re doing the quality of work that leads to promotion.

Why should you get it? Think of the objections your manager may raise and prepare for them. For example: Objection: No one receives consecutive promotions. Your Answer: No one brings this level of innovation to the company. Know your company’s top goals. Explain what you did to move the organization toward them using specific illustrations from your data.

How should you ask for it?

Do:

Act confident – make eye contact, sit up straight on the edge of the chair, speak in a conversational tone of voice
Control your emotions – if you feel nervous, convince yourself you’re excited
Be positive – you’re offering your manager the opportunity to shine by recognizing a rising star when they see one

Don’t:

Apologize – you aren’t imposing on your manager; your professional development is part of their job
Give your manager an out – Example: “Maybe this isn’t a good time, but…”
Play the victim – Example: “I need this promotion because (insert personal problem here)”

Result

If you receive the promotion by the end of the discussion, congratulations! But, don’t be stressed if you get a cliffhanger. It’s a good sign when your manager wants to contemplate your case instead of immediately saying no. If this happens, follow up in a week’s time. If you’re denied promotion, ask why. Is this a bad time for the company? Schedule a follow-up meeting for next quarter. Is there something lacking in your current job performance you need to work on (e.g., emotional intelligence, project management, leading a team)? Ask for projects showcasing those abilities. Do you lack the skills or certifications required for promotion? Set goals to obtain them. At the very least, this conversation makes your manager aware of your desire to contribute at a higher level.

What do you think is the most challenging aspect of asking for a promotion? Please share in the comments.

Knowing Me, Knowing You

Even though Presidents’ Day honors all U.S. presidents, we usually focus on celebrating George Washington and Abraham Lincoln; holding them up as examples of honesty and integrity. They aren’t remembered as salesmen, but wouldn’t you have to be an excellent salesperson to lead a country through war? The hallmark of a good salesperson is being known, liked, and trusted. Discussing all three would be lengthy, so let’s take the next three weeks to break them down. First up, how do we want to be known?

What They Know

Before the internet was born, consumers had to rely on a salesperson to learn about a product or service. If they were lucky, they had friends who used it and could ask them about their experiences. Even here in the digital age, recommendations, word of mouth, and reviews are the most trusted facets of marketing. In terms of information availability, we’re on a level playing field with our customers. People can quickly and easily fact check the stories marketers tell them, and they expect sincerity from everyone: big corporations, small businesses, healthcare providers, higher education, etc. Consumers don’t want to waste time listening to our sales pitch when they can go online and find out all they want to know about us with a quick search. Businesses can no longer put up a front. We can’t say we prize a certain value then behave like we don’t. Thanks to social media, there are no secrets. Customers have the power and they know it. Ignoring that fact makes us tone deaf, so our outreach should reflect our respect. People want to purchase from businesses that share their beliefs. We have to state ours in our media messaging, then live up to them every day. For example, if a company says they are earth-friendly, but 25% of their product includes petroleum-based ingredients, they will get backlash. People notice when we don’t mean what we say, and they remember when it comes time to purchase.

What We Want Them to Know

Not practicing what we preach leads not only to customers mistrusting the product, but also mistrusting the company and its employees; especially its sales force. People are smart and self-interest is obvious. They want to know the company they give their hard-earned money to is worthy of their trust, and we want to be that company. We get to know each other through conversation and connection. We need to answer the questions they aren’t necessarily asking, but we can see on their faces: Is this business ethical? Reliable? Transparent? Genuine? Honest? Does their representative seem different in person than her online presence portrays? Why does she work for this company? For example, I see people in pain and I’m driven to relieve it. The company I work for is in the IT space. Everyone has data. Eventually, managing it becomes cumbersome, especially for SMBs. My company gives me the freedom to relieve those burdens. As a result, I don’t see potential conquests. I see colleagues with challenges I can help solve.

What’s in it for me? A rising tide floats all boats. If they succeed, I do too. Am I a nice person? Yes. Do I need to make a living? Yes. Are these two goals mutually exclusive? No.

Does the public have the impression of your business you want them to have? Please share in the comments.

Still Dreaming

On Monday, January 17, 2000, all 50 states began recognizing the third Monday in January as a holiday. Most celebrate it exclusively as Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Media typically highlight one of King’s most famous speeches. We haven’t yet realized his dreams. We still have lots of work to do. My dreams revolve around the American workforce. Here are five of them.

Earnings

I dream of equal pay for equal work. The disparity we hear about most is probably the wage gap between women and men. The latest statistics I found are from 2019 when, on the average, women earned $.80 for every $1.00 earned by men. But, employees of color, employees with disabilities, and LGBTQ(IA+) employees experience even wider wage gaps. The U.S. Department of Labor has been trying to fix this since the 1960s and is still working on it; which leads me to my next dream.

Child Care

I dream of safe, dependable, economical, quality child care for every family. Since the 1950’s, the number of women entering the workforce (including mothers) began to rise steadily, peaking in 2000. The cost of living meant a significant number of families required more than one income to survive. Consequently, parents had to pay someone to watch the kids while they were at work. In 2019, around 10% of a family’s income went to pay for child care. There is plenty of research out there on this topic. Here is an insightful article about why child care is so expensive. Here is an article on why America resists universal child care.

Health Care

I dream of available, affordable, and accessible health care for all workers. I have no answers; only questions and research. Why is this so hard? Why does it cost so much? Other developed countries have figured it out, why can’t we?

Inclusion

I dream of every employee having the opportunity to not only voice their opinions, but also have them heard, acknowledged, and taken seriously. It’s time to make diversity in the workplace a given. American companies should employ genders, religions, ages, races, other-abilities, etc., at least as varied as our clients. Our companies’ workforces ought to reflect the people we serve. How can we produce relevant user experiences if we limit our knowledge to how someone like us uses our product? We need to take the next step and embrace inclusion. This goes beyond diversity. If our workplace is diverse, but only one or two group’s opinions matter, the marginalized groups will take their talents to our competition.

Work Week

I dream of workers being compensated for results instead of time. With so many of us homing from work, er, I mean, working from home; haven’t we proven the forty-hour-work week is as dead as the Wicked Witch of the East? The eight-hour workday was invented by Henry Ford in the early 1900’s to recruit talent who were used to working 12-hour days. With the availability of technology, project-based solutions, and team-based problem solving, the current model is no longer best practice. The organizations who develop compensation criteria for productivity based on results will likely attract the best workforce talent.

How would you revamp the current conditions for America’s workforce? Please share your suggestions in the comments.

Another Christmas Story

Once upon a time, December was the busiest month of the year.

Holiday parties – my husband’s work, my work, our daughter’s school
Gifts – making a list (and checking it twice), buying, wrapping, personally delivering or shipping
Christmas cards – buying, writing the end-of-year-family newsletter, addressing, buying postage, mailing
Cooking – planning the menus, making a grocery list (also checking it twice) purchasing the ingredients, cooking, serving
Decorating – pulling decorations out of storage, repairing the damaged, purchasing new
Miscellaneous traditions – driving around to see Christmas lights, baking and delivering cookies for first responders, attending Christmas Eve service

My fingers are tired from typing this. At the time it was fun. We love putting on ugly Christmas sweaters, gathering with friends and family and coworkers and celebrating the season, right? Or do we just love the idea of it? We downplay the stress of its reality. Our brains exhausted from holiday office party small talk. Our savings account spent on gifts for neighbors we barely know. Our cupboards bare from constantly replenishing the buffet at our extended family’s feast. Our vision of the perfect holiday is rarely realized since we can’t control the players, and this holiday season, there isn’t much of anything we can control.

During our first holiday season in Georgia, my husband was a worship leader, our daughter was in elementary school, and I was a teacher’s aide. By the morning of Christmas Eve, all three of us were exhausted from, well, see the list above. Working multiple Christmas Eve services, my husband was unavailable from early morning until late evening. Our daughter and I attended the first service. We grabbed tins of cookies the congregation baked for first responders on our way out. In the car, we ordered pizza before leaving the parking lot. By the time we dropped off the cookies at the firehouse located between the church and the restaurant, our pizza was waiting for us at the drive-thru. We got home and put on our jammies (it was only about 1:00PM, btw). I found White Christmas on TV. We ate pizza. We sang “Happy Birthday” to Jesus, blew out the candles on His cake, and ate slices for Him. We napped. When my husband got home, we repeated the process. We watched Christmas movies, stuffed our faces, and napped for the next 24 hours. Christmas Day ended with a drive through a local coffee shop for lattes and hot chocolate and meandering through neighboring subdivisions to look at their Christmas lights on the way back home. We did not answer the phone or check social media the entire time. It was the most relaxed the three of us had been since Thanksgiving. When the next year rolled around our daughter asked if we could do it again. I dubbed it “cocooning” and it became a tradition for the rest of our Georgia residency.

Several of our holiday activities aged out. I no longer send a year-end family newsletter. I refer everyone to social media. Email makes sending season’s greetings both quick and inexpensive. Because of COVID-19, more traditions are canceled this year and if I’m honest, I’m sorry, not sorry. We have plenty of options to cocoon. We can:

have food delivered either from our grocery to make our favorite treats, or from a local restaurant. If we order through a food delivery service, we keep a local driver employed
stream most any Christmas movie ever made
have decorations and jammies delivered from a local department store
stream holiday music playlists from our chosen service
send a cookie gift basket to our nearest firehouse through a local bakery
watch our church’s Christmas Eve service on their website
make our own lattes and hot chocolate and tour neighborhood Christmas light displays from our couch thanks to YouTube (For my Dayton, Ohio friends, you can see the old Rike’s holiday windows virtually)

This global crisis has given us a holiday gift: a reason to celebrate small. Do you usually:

travel 312 miles to stay with the in-laws? Can’t this year; COVID
spend hundreds of dollars on gifts? Can’t this year; COVID
attend your partner’s office holiday party? Can’t this year; COVID.

The pandemic has taken people we love, employment we need, and freedoms we cherish away from us. But, it has given us a reason to stop, be grateful for what we still have, and act on it. Let’s celebrate through our words and (maybe virtual) presence the people we’ve leaned on, both personally and professionally, to get through 2020. Isn’t that the essence of the holidays? Making sure people know how much we appreciate them?

How are you adjusting your holiday celebrations this year? Please share in the comments.