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Habilitation vs Rehabilitation

I intended to resume lifting you up this week with warm, fuzzy, holiday-ish articles, but I tripped over reality.

It started with a ride along. I accompanied an officer of the Dayton Police Department’s 3rd District West Patrol Operations on part of his tour of duty. You can do it too, if you want. Here’s how. Yes, I saw some citizens exhibiting some questionable behavior. But more significantly, I saw police officers acting as peace officers. For example, we responded to a call about a young man with special needs refusing to enter the house of his foster mom. I watched two grown men ooh and aah over this youngster’s prowess with a remote control car in her driveway. Then they asked him what toys he’d like to show us in the house. The woman said she told the young man that the Dayton Police were good, helpful people and these officers proved her right. Recent events have spotlighted the need for improvement in the Dayton Police Department. Please know these two officers (and other good and helpful men and women like them) are on the force.

The next day I had the privilege of being immersed in the Montgomery County, Ohio justice system as part of the Dayton Area Chamber of Commerce’s Leadership Dayton program. Our host warned us that we would end the day with more questions than answers. He was right. Here are three of my take aways.

Do we expect too much from our justice system?

In 2021, the state of Ohio has 50,338 people in its prisons. Do they all deserve to be there? Judges are the ones who decide. There are judges in Montgomery County who routinely see under-resourced defendants with high odds of recidivism. These judges intentionally give those defendants dignity and respect in their courtrooms in an effort to keep them out of jail cells. They use their experience, discretion, and time to filter defendants who are willing to work for a second chance through diversion programs like those offered by the Montgomery County Office of Reentry. They strive to be right on crime, not tough on crime.

Is there an alternative to incarceration?

What if everyone had a second chance and someone to believe in them? Graduates of Montgomery County’s Reentry Career Alliance Academy (RCAA) have a less than five percent recidivism rate post-program. In practical terms, it costs $30,558 a year to incarcerate someone in the state of Ohio. What if that citizen were making that much money and paying taxes on it instead?

Do you need workforce?

Have you (or will you) consider hiring a Returning Citizen? Graduates of the RCAA program work in restaurants, churches, and non-profits, and many other industries. Can you give a Restored Citizen the hope of a second chance at being a functioning and productive member of society? Hey, look at that. Hope. Isn’t that what the holidays are about? It seems this is a holiday-ish post after all.

What do you think of Restored Citizens in the workforce? Please share in the comments.

It Can Be Tricky

Photo by Rasa Kasparaviciene from Pexels

The approaching holiday has you all up in your thankful feels, but you’re worried about inadvertently offending instead of appreciating. When it comes to acknowledging your managers, remote teammates, clients, coworkers, volunteers, board members, mentors (Wow. You have a ginormous sphere of influence.), if you express your gratitude sincerely, specifically, and sensitively, then it has the best chance of being received well. Here are some examples of what not to do followed by a better way.

Sincere

DON’T: You stop at your teammate’s cubicle and see they are out to lunch. You leave a blank envelope containing a five-dollar gift card to their favorite local coffeehouse on their desk, then you go out to lunch. Your teammate returns and finds the random gift. Instead of feeling appreciated, they are creeped out.

DO: Wait for an opportunity to see them in person so you can look them in the eye and tell them why you’re giving them this gift. How did their recent action positively affect you? Simply saying, “I appreciate you having my back in the report-out meeting last month. Please have a cup of coffee on me at your convenience.” Will not only prevent them from being creeped out, it should also ensure their future support.

Specific

DON’T: You just gave your direct report a glowing performance review. At the end of the meeting, you say, “Great job last year. Keep it up. Have a good rest of your day,” then leave the video conference.

DO: You have to go through the standard on-a-scale-of-one-to-five form for HR, but if you want to retain this employee, you also need to draw a little deeper from the appreciation well. There are probably several instances when they made your life easier last year. Choose one and expound on it. For example, “Thank you for putting the Powerpoint presentation together last July for the contract renewal meeting. It took a lot of time to shepherd all the departments involved, fact check the slides, and incorporate everyone’s notes. Would you please write a report with your suggestions on how we can improve that process?” Not only does that express your gratitude for their mad follow-up skills, it also validates their work, lets them know they have a future with the organization, and encourages them to take on more responsibility.

Sensitive

DON’T: Once a year you give an award to the individual contributor that received the most positive feedback for customer service. This year’s recipient is known throughout the organization as an extreme introvert. You present the award to them in front of the whole company and their plus ones at the annual holiday lunch. Instead of feeling honored, they are embarrassed.

DO: Is it necessary to announce the award winner at the holiday lunch? If so, don’t force the extreme introvert to walk up in from of everyone to accept it. An award of appreciation should be thoughtful, creative, and personal. An announcement in the company newsletter and a handwritten note thanking them for the good care they took of your customers last year is more appropriate for an extreme introvert.

Thirty percent of employees quit their jobs due to lack of appreciation. Maybe your New Year’s resolution could be finding one thing to sincerely appreciate about one person every day. A daily gratitude habit can be contagious. You could revolutionize your workplace.

How often do you intentionally thank those around you? Please share in the comments.

Cultural Competency

Feedback is a gift. It’s usually one I want to return. But a few days ago I received feedback that I want to keep. I had the privilege of finding out how privileged I am by spending the day in diversity and inclusion training. When I tell people this, they usually wince and ask, “How did THAT go?” I get it. While mentally preparing for the day I braced for difficult conversations, sore toes, and conflict. What I experienced was respectful dialogue, open minds, and advocacy.

It had a great deal to do with the intentional way the day was facilitated. (Shout out to Dr. Karen. If your organization wants help with diversity education, contact her at DrKaren@DrKarenTownsend.com). Dr. Karen both coached and invited us to co-facilitate the learning with her. There was a rhythm of a truth presented, illustrated, a question asked about it, then discussed amongst the group. For example: What would the world look like if it was a village of 100 people? Here is a summary:

Nationalities: 61 Asians (of the 61, 20 would be Chinese and 17 would be Indian), 13 Africans, 12 Europeans, 9 Latin or South Americans, 5 North Americans (Missing: Australia, Oceana, and Antarctica)
Gender: 50 male, 50 female
Age: 26 would be under 15 years old, 74 would be adults – 8 of whom would be over 64 years old
Health: 1 would have AIDS, 26 would smoke, 14 would be obese
Living Conditions: 87 villagers would have access to safe drinking water; 13 villagers would not. 77 people would have shelter to live in; 23 would not
Religion: 33 people would be Christian, 20 would be Islamic, 13 would be Hindus, 6 would be Buddhists, 2 would be atheists, 12 would be non-religious, and 14 would be other religions
Education: 1 villager would have a college degree while 18 people would be illiterate
Technology: 33 villagers would have cell phones, 18 would have cars, 16 would have computers
Employment: 28 would work in Agriculture, 14 would work for Industry, 28 would have service jobs, and 30 would be unemployed
Income: 53 people would live on less than $2 (US currency) a day

The world is big and interconnected. You want everyone in it to use your product or service. You have a better chance of appealing to customers of various ages, races, genders, sexual orientation, military service, physical abilities, and religions if your staff represents those demographics. The trick is, you can’t stop at just hiring for diversity. You also have to promote diversity up the organizational chart. You have to fairly compensate every employee for their work. You have to be inclusive by listening to, and being influenced by, diverse viewpoints.You have to intentionally create a culture where all employees feel safe to share their experiences and backgrounds.Your staff needs to be both seen and heard in order to reap the benefits of both employee retention and market expansion.

How do you foster a welcoming and supportive environment at your business? Please share in the comments.

It’s About Time

When did the United States know it was time to bring workers from the fields to the factories? Who decided working eight hours a day for five days in a row was the best schedule for optimum productivity? The 40-hour workweek became a law in the United States in 1940. If we haven’t thought about how long it should be since then, may we please use COVID-19 as the trigger for redefining how long it is now?

Not News

How long both the workweek and the workday should be is not a new conversation. One of my favorite thinkers is organizational psychologist Adam Grant. He has lobbied for the death of the five-day workweek for at least a couple of years. There is plenty of evidence to support his position from respected sources like The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, and The Huffington Post.

Mother Knows Best

The catch is, if employees spend less time on the job, isn’t it logical that the job should pay less? Mothers have struggled with this prevalent employer attitude for years. In Mika Brzezinski’s book, Know Your Value: Women, Money, and Getting What You’re Worth, Carol Smith, former publisher of Elle magazine told Mika, “I love hiring women (for) four days a week because they actually will produce at least five days’ worth of work for four days’ worth of pay.” As an employer that’s a benefit to her, but as a woman, it is a detriment. Her story in the book goes on to note that the moms of young children who work for her are willing to do anything to have a four-day workweek including accepting 60% of their salary.

Proof of Concept

Of course, employees do not want to make less money, but why should employers shorten the week without also shortening the paycheck? Here are two examples. This article talks about a four-day-workweek-no-pay-reduction experiment the company Buffer offered its employees. To shorten their workweek, they cut back on meetings and social events, sped up the pace of their day, and improved their focus (e.g., employees reported spending 35% less time surfing the web). The experiment was so successful, it’s still running. Buffer made $21 million in revenue in 2020. Also, American businesses should vet the plan Iceland commissioned from Alda (Association for Sustainable Democracy), an Icelandic non-profit, and Autonomy, a British think tank, to condense the workweek. These two organizations partnered to run two large-scale trials of a four-day workweek from 2015-2019. They published their results in June 2021. In addition to productivity remaining the same or improving in their test-subject companies, the study also concluded that employee welfare markedly increased (e.g., less burnout). Even if employers prioritize revenue over employee well-being, these studies prove a four-day workweek is profitable.

Life always holds an element of uncertainty. Did we really need a pandemic to remind us of what our priorities should be and how far we’ve strayed from them? Let’s rethink the current workweek model and consider what compensation for productivity could look like in 2022.

Would you rather be paid for your time or your productivity? Please share in the comments.

Taking the Lead

The photo above is my reaction to reading my acceptance email to Leadership Dayton. I’m thinking, “This must be how Harry Potter felt when he got his letter to Hogwarts!” The program is offered by the Dayton Area Chamber of Commerce. For 10 months, leaders are immersed in the systems that make our community run. Let’s define leader as anyone who has a sphere of influence. Since everyone has a sphere of influence, everyone is a leader at some level. Why should anyone invest time learning how their community works? Even if you don’t commit to a formal leadership development program, giving time to your community benefits the work-life integration of both you and your workforce.

Empower

Your business exists to solve problems. You want coworkers who can quickly identify organizations that have the problems your business solves. A great way to do that is to join a committee for the non-profit organization of your choice. You’ll see their struggles firsthand and work with other volunteers to creatively solve them. Then you take the new problem-solving skills you learned back to work and show your team how to apply them to your next project. With this evidence, you could petition your C-Suite executives to allow individual contributors to volunteer on company time. The ROI for employees, non-profits, and your community is exponential.

Elevate

As a leader, one of your responsibilities is to reach behind you and pull others up the ladder. We usually think of that in terms of advancement in the company, but what your coworkers experience outside of the workplace affects them at the workplace. What do they need help with while not on the job? Do they need emotional support emerging from the pandemic? Help with a non-responsive landlord? Upskilling? Relationships with SMEs you can contact when your employees require resources like bankers, educators, and lawyers is a valuable benefit of working with you. For example, if one of your individual contributors has a child with special needs and is having trouble tracking down a specialist, if you volunteer on a committee at your local Children’s Hospital, you can connect them with assistance. This may seem way above a manager’s pay grade, but recognizing your workforce as human beings with needs you can meet builds trust, and business moves at the speed of trust.

Emulate

Once you get the hang of working with committees in your non-profit community, maybe even serving on a governing board, you are ready to reproduce yourself. Select a direct report with leadership potential and bring them alongside you to serve. When they get their feet under them, allow them to choose a coworker with similar interests and leadership potential and send the two of them off to start the cycle over. They may choose a totally different cause to support than you do, and that’s okay. Your community is full of diverse needs and needs diverse people to meet them.

I’m excited to go on this journey with my classmates and learn how I can use my T.E.A.M. in service to a community I love. How has taking the time to lead positively affected your company? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Should You Surf the Tsunami?

The number of posts from my LinkedIn connections announcing their new positions increases every day. Have you noticed it too? The Talent Tsunami is soaking us. Is it tempting you to find a new gig? Even now a job search can still be long, arduous, and uncertain. How can you tell when it’s time to move on?

In my role as a Change Agent, I ask questions so my clients can visualize both where they are and where they want to be. Next week, we’ll discuss how to figure out where you want to be. But first, here are questions to help you determine whether or not your current employment situation is still worth your T.E.A.M.

Your Body

Stress can physically manifest itself. Do you have headaches, nausea, and/or heart palpitations when you’re getting ready for work, at work, or just thinking about work? If so, your subconscious is trying to get your attention.

Your Mind

If your talents aren’t being tapped, you’ll get frustrated and, eventually, resentful.

Do your skills match the work you’re doing?
Are you unhappy the majority of the time you’re working?
Are you spending more time on social media than your work?
Are you watching the clock hoping time will speed up so you can leave?
Do you experience Sunday Scaries?
Are you looking at job postings and daydreaming about them?
Are you no longer proud of the work you’re doing?
Are you lowering your standards?
Do you hear yourself say, “It’s just a job”?
Have you lost your passion for the work?
Do you see your work as challenges or problems?
Careless mistakes (e.g., frequent typos, forgetting scheduled meetings) happen, but too many too often indicates that you’re disengaged from the work. Are you making too many glaring errors?

Your Environment

Has the novelty of being the SME worn off?
Are you tired of being the trainer and never the one learning something new?
Does your employer provide company time and money for upskilling?
Is advancement possible?
In order for you to move up, does someone have to leave?
Can you have a transparent conversation with your manager to find out if what you’re looking for can be attained within the company?
Have you taken on more responsibility and the effort has yet to be acknowledged?
Have you asked for a promotion at multiple performance reviews and even after completing the tasks your manager told you would result in advancement, they tell you that you’re still not qualified yet?
Are you no longer getting highly visible assignments?

Your Relationships

How do you get along with your manager?
Does your manager habitually give you instructions and refuse to hear your insight?
Does your manager refuse to negotiate benefits or discuss salary?
Are conversations with friends and family dominated by complaints about your job?

When you evaluate whether or not your current employment is worth your T.E.A.M. (Time, Energy, Attention, Money) what criteria do you use? Please share in the comments.

Travel Team

It’s vacation season and if you have a spouse, you want to travel together. But there are things you want to do that they don’t, such as spend five hours at one art museum, spend three hours at a coffee shop, or spend an hour reading a book at a botanical garden. Luckily, you have friends who think these pastimes sound heavenly. In addition to traveling with your partner, take a trip with a friend. These adventures are ripe with lessons you can take back to work.

Getting to Know You

Constant togetherness reveals hidden talents as well as idiosyncrasies. For example, you discover that your friend has an uncanny ability to quickly spot your Uber while they notice that you can easily navigate large airports. On the other hand, maybe you are irritated by your friend’s obsession with the weather forecast and they are annoyed by your insistence to walk everywhere. We learn to be more considerate of each other because our time together is finite. The same is true at work. Projects have lifecycles. Acknowledge an interpersonal conflict when it starts. Be quick to define both your and your teammate’s boundary. Additionally, recognize that taking the time to unravel and resolve miscommunication is time well spent.

Plan B (or C or…)

When traveling, sometimes Plan A won’t work. Issues like flight delays, a car rental company losing your reservation, and a broken air conditioner in your hotel room provide multiple opportunities to not only find out how good a business is at customer service, but also work with your friend to figure out how to overcome the obstacle. Which one of you will: Take the lead in patiently communicating the unacceptable situation to customer service? Motivate the other to remain calm? Influence the service you receive by confirming that everyone is working toward the same goal? After recovering from the setback, you can take the lessons you learned (e.g., active listening, empathizing, aligning expectations) back to work and apply them to your team’s next project. When unpredictable obstacles occur, you can confidently take the lead to solve them because you’ve experienced the emotional intelligence required to get through a frustrating process.

Teamwork

The first time you travel with a friend to a destination that’s new to both of you, logic dictates that you set the parameters of the trip and start negotiating. Who is booking the transportation? Who is booking the hotel? Who is booking reservations at the restaurants, museums, sites, etc. that you want to visit? You divide up the task list according to talent. They are good at determining how much time you need between connecting flights. You can detect if a hotel is as good as its marketing says it is. You must trust each other to complete these tasks. During the trip, you both are gracious when unforeseen challenges happen. You patiently support one another when mistakes in judgement cause setbacks. You encourage each other to stretch outside of your comfort zones. You remain flexible so both of you can reach the individual objectives you have for the getaway. See what I did there? These activities are examples of collaborative teamwork. The same skills and mindset you use traveling with your friend apply to the project you’re tackling with your coworkers.

Do you plan to travel with friends this summer? Where are you going? Please share in the comments.

You’re Not the Boss of Me

Here in the mid-digital age you may find yourself working as a member of a team more often than completing deliverables on your own. I’m a big fan of the-more-heads-the-better for problem solving, but when your supervisor tasks you with exerting influence over coworkers who aren’t your direct reports, you have responsibility without any authority. What do you do?

This scenario usually employs a version of the Matrix Model of Management. It’s a popular construct because it allows departments to share resources according to their functions. A company can take employees who report to various supervisors and assign them to project teams based on the talent required to complete the work. This not only saves the company money, but also fosters creative problem solving. The tricky part is: Who’s in charge? This ambiguity creates multiple challenges, especially if the team is large and/or there is competition to lead the project. Best practice: when forming the team, the supervisors assign the leader and communicate that information to the entire team.

When you’re the one in charge, you can’t offer the incentives (raises, promotions, getting fired) the supervisors can, yet you have to find a way to both engage and motivate the team because if they miss the deadline, you’re the one who gets in trouble. Leading through influence requires strong interpersonal skills. You have to take initiative early in the process to build relationships and persuade with diplomacy. Some things to consider:

Clarify

Defining roles and responsibilities at the outset helps eliminate frustration and duplication of efforts. At the first team meeting, decide together who does what and when:

What is the goal? What does success look like?
Who will shepherd which task and what are the deadlines? Pro Tip: The person who sets the deadline is in control no matter what their title is.
What are the project’s KPI’s? How will you know you’ve met them?
How will you meet? In person? Videoconference? How often? Daily? Weekly? What hours is everyone available for questions or huddles?
What information will you need from them? What information will they need from you?

Communicate

Each of your team members has multiple demands on their time from multiple supervisors and multiple projects. Every week team members should either submit an email report or meet with you for a brief update on both the progress of your project and the status of their other projects. This alerts you to competing deadlines and prompts you to notify your team’s supervisors. Ask the supervisors to prevent a crisis by prioritizing projects. Pro Tip: A written status report (on both successes and challenges) can double as documentation for annual performance reviews.
From the beginning and throughout the project, remind the team that you support their individual brands. Email their supervisors when they produce good work. Give the team visibility to the rest of the company.
Observe what motivates your team. Who works because it’s intrinsically rewarding? Who works for recognition? What are their career goals? Connect working on this project to reaching them.

Cultivate

Teams working on short projects together don’t have much time to connect on a personal level, yet business moves at the speed of trust. It’ll make your life easier if you can accelerate team bonding.
If a teammate is uncooperative, schedule a 1:1 and find out why as soon as they miss a KPI. Are there barriers you can remove (e.g., other projects)? Do they need resources you can obtain (training, equipment)? If the teammate still refuses to produce in a timely manner, send them an email reiterating your conversation and copy their supervisor. If you still can’t convince them to contribute, schedule a meeting with their supervisor and ask how they motivate the employee. Pro Tip: the emails should be enough evidence to keep this employee off of future teams you lead.

If you have to manage projects without authority over people, then you must build commitment and engagement. Find common ground and use it to align goal setting. Get your team the resources they need to do good work. Explain the logical (not emotional) reasons for taking an action and the consequences of not taking it.

Have you had responsibility without authority? How did that work out? Please share in the comments.

Balance vs Integration

Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA from Pexels

I mentioned last week my mom is retired. If you’re envisioning a little old lady sitting in a rocking chair and knitting, you haven’t met my mom. If she’s sitting in a rocking chair, It’s more likely she’s on her laptop in her home office, videoconferencing with a mentee in Turkey rather than knitting. Instead of trying to balance work and life, Mom has integrated them. She’s incorporated elements she loves (The Bible, studying) into her daily routine (counseling, mentoring).

If you have a job that can’t be done remotely, (e.g. factory, hospital) you have a better shot at work life balance because you leave your work at the place you perform it. But those jobs tend to have hours that don’t coincide with the school day. Balance then becomes: Are you going to your eight-year-old’s piano recital on Saturday or are you working your normal shift as a hair stylist? If you have more of a sales role (talent acquisition, productivity consultant) or knowledge worker (software developer, career coach) you have more freedom to integrate all of your responsibilities. For example, instead of working eight hours straight, work-life integration could look like this: you do deep work at 5:00AM while everyone is asleep. You break at 7:00AM for breakfast with the family. You work while the kids are in school. You answer emails after everyone goes to bed. Integration blurs the lines between home and work. Life becomes more fluid and less categorized. For example, developing a marketing proposal for a client and developing a vacation proposal for the family are both duties you may have, and you get paid to do one of them.

When I think of balance, I visualize the Scales of Justice and constantly trying to keep both sides even. But you don’t have work on one side of the scale and everything else on the other. Life is more like a large Marion’s Super Cheese Pizza whose squares are unevenly cut. Some are huge and some are tiny. Your squares include work, family, friends, health, personal development, spirituality, volunteering, leisure, etc. Some days, those bigger squares are going to be children (e.g., you have to attend parent-teacher conferences). Some days those big squares are going to be work (e.g., attending the all-company videoconference). After you eat a couple of big squares, you fill up on smaller ones: checking email while awaiting your turn at the parent-teacher conferences, light weight lifting while attending the all-company videoconference. (I recommend both video and microphone muted for this one.) Only you can decide which squares and how many to eat everyday. Make decisions based on your values, goals, and priorities. When you feel overwhelmed, write down where your T.E.A.M. is going (i.e., how many squares you’re eating). If you discover you’re spending your T.E.A.M. out of sync with your values, goals, and priorities, consider reassigning the squares. Maybe today the biggest square is the slide deck that’s due at noon and the smaller square is the social media post you told your church you’d do for them this week. You can even share your pizza, giving a square (like the social media post) to someone else.

Switching your mindset to integration can help you achieve the balance you want. How have you changed your routine to bring more harmony to your life? Please share in the comments.

Boundaries Battle Burnout

The World Health Organization recognizes burnout as an official medical diagnosis caused by an unrelenting work load and/or no work-life balance. It’s number two on this list of what employees said were their biggest challenges during the pandemic.

They feel:

pressured to be available 24/7/365
lack of flexibility at work
worried about losing their jobs
overwhelmed dealing with shuttered daycare and online school
not at liberty to talk about outside-of-work issues affecting job performance

To begin battling burnout, define, set, and enforce your personal boundaries with your manager.

Define

Your boundaries are based on your values and priorities. When defining them, think about what you need to feel empowered. The last time you felt undervalued, disrespected, or out of balance, what was the trigger? Did you have to work last weekend? Do you buy the office birthday cards and cupcakes for coworkers and it’s not in your job description? That’s where your boundary lies. If you could live that situation over again, what action would you take to change it?

Set

Does your manager randomly call you throughout the week? Schedule a recurring 1:1 catch up meeting with an agenda.
Feeling overwhelmed? Make a list of your priorities and ask them to do the same. In your next 1:1, compare lists. Are they different? Decide together what your top three responsibilities are and how much freedom you have to accomplish them.
If your manager’s expectations cross a boundary, how important is the boundary to you? Is a compromise possible? Is saying no a battle you want to fight?
Give updates on your projects’ statuses and request they prioritize them. Ask them to tell you more about why they need this new assignment done in this timeframe, and why the task requires your unique skillset.
Personal goals count. If your manager wants you to stay late, but your trainer is meeting you at the gym at 6:00PM, offer to get started early tomorrow morning. Compromise so you aren’t saying no all the time.
Best practice is setting boundaries at the beginning of a project. For example: Make a rule to only answer texts after 7PM if it’s an emergency, and define what constitutes an emergency.
Use technology to help you communicate boundaries: change your status to busy in Microsoft Teams (or whatever business communication platform you use), calendar an hour a day and label it as busy. You don’t have to say what you’re using the time for. Get the kids started on their homework if that’s what it takes to enable you to finish your work.

Burnout doesn’t just affect you, it affects the work too. You need to be flexible and accommodate the occasional emergency requiring overtime. But, regular work hours and exceeding the expectations of the project are good boundaries to help you both do the work everyday and juggle the other aspects of your life. Do not apologize for protecting the time it takes to do the work you are already assigned.

Enforce

Practice for boundary crossers. Rehearsal takes the emotion out of holding your boundary. Visualize your manager asking you to work on a Sunday morning; what do you do? Don’t fume over the infraction. Immediately reinforce your boundary by clearly and respectfully stating what it is and why it exists. Be consistent in holding healthy boundaries. You aren’t communicating clearly if you keep moving them. If you said you won’t respond to emails after 7:00PM, don’t open your inbox.

Your boundaries will get challenged. That will reveal where they are and help you to refine and iterate them. Those who set and hold boundaries gain respect. A friend just gave up a committee chair position because she assessed her commitments and realized she needed to off-load some. Will I miss her leadership? Yes. Do I respect her for making choices that help her achieve her goals? Absolutely.

When was the last time someone crossed one of your boundaries? What did you do to hold it? Please share in the comments.