Energy – Page 3 – mardihumphreys.com

Going Deeper

After we talked about deep work last month, I received feedback that it doesn’t work for everyone. Deep work proposes you schedule 60-90 minute blocks of uninterrupted time to concentrate on moving one project forward. In a perfect world, this is a daily habit. Since that is not the reality you and I live in, let’s explore an alternative.

Problem

For example, let’s say that in January you planned to use the deep work method to reach your goal of completing a certification by the end of December. Here in October, that plan has not worked out. Reflecting on your progress, you realize setting aside a one-hour uninterrupted block of time every day is not possible given your responsibilities and working conditions. You decide to extend your timeline to complete the certification in 2025. What adjustments do you need to make in the systems you’re using to complete your course?

Solution

In other words, since what you did has not achieved the result you want, what needs to change? Use SMART goals to provide direction and motivation, then establish support systems to maintain progress. For example: Do you need to get up an hour earlier to study? Do you need to set your materials in front of your door so you will trip over them? Do you need to put a post-it note on your laptop so it’s the first thing you do? Do you need to set a timer on your smartphone to prevent unlimited death scrolling? Do you need to silence it and put it in a drawer in another room?

Result

Continuous learning is crucial for staying ahead. Professional development that benefits the organization who employs you counts as work. If the organization you work for does not see it that way, then you have some serious thinking to do about your future with them. You should be able to schedule part of your workday or work week to increase your knowledge.
Set aside time for upskilling whether you are going for an official certification or not. Reading industry news, attending webinars, and taking online courses all count toward incorporating learning into your routine. They not only keep your skills up to date but also provide a break in your normal routine.
You may be surprised how making personal development a habit reduces your stress. It is counterintuitive, but spending your energy on learning can save you energy in the long run because it leads to innovative solutions and more efficient ways to manage tasks.
The trick is to break up the previously mentioned 60 – 90 minute blocks of focus time into bursts of 20 – 30 minutes and disperse them throughout your day. For example, you look at your schedule for tomorrow and see that you have four hours worth of meetings. Block 30 minutes prior, 30 minutes between, and 30 minutes after for yourself. Use the time to work on your upskilling.

You can apply this method to most complicated and time-consuming projects like writing an annual report, developing an app, creating a business plan, prototyping a new product or service, etc. This is basically breaking down big projects into tasks and assigning those tasks to your scheduled microbursts of time.

Which works better for you: deep work or short bursts of work? Please share your tips in the comments.

Building Blocks

After last week’s post, I received questions about my references to deep work. So, this week, let’s dig a little more. I was influenced by Cal Newport’s book on the subject. It’s true that it’s difficult to do focused work In a high-pressure environment. It’s also true that mastering the skill can be a game-changer for your career because the ability to concentrate on solving hard problems for extended periods is becoming increasingly rare and highly valuable. Intense focus enables you to drive innovation, complete projects faster, and deliver higher-quality results. What makes this skill so difficult to master?

Common Barriers

Constant Connection: In many workplaces, there is an unspoken expectation that you will be immediately available and responsive. Sound notifications from incoming emails and pop ups from messaging apps continually distract you. The always-on culture of asynchronous work makes it challenging to carve out uninterrupted time to concentrate.

Pretend Productivity: Responding to emails and attending meetings gives you a sense of accomplishment but doesn’t significantly contribute to your organization’s growth. If you don’t think about how your actions impact your employer’s bottom line, it’s easy to fall into the habit of doing what’s most convenient. How can you set yourself up for genuine productivity?

Structure Your Environment

Time-Blocking: Claim a specific space for focused work. This could mean reserving a quiet room at the office or setting up a dedicated workspace at home. Divide your day into blocks dedicated to specific types of work; for example, focused work, meetings, email, and breaks. This structure helps you be proactive instead of reactive. Your focused work time blocks should be 60-90 minutes each. Switch all your devices to Do Not Disturb and batch similar tasks to maintain flow during these blocks. Protect these times. For example, do not schedule meetings during the focused work blocks. If your organization allows it, adjust your work hours to align with your peak productivity periods.

Interruptions: You will have to train people to respect your time blocks. Communicate your schedule to your teammates. Let them know when you are available for questions and when you need to concentrate. Setting clear boundaries, if you enforce them, can limit interruptions.

Check-ins: Schedule regular brief meetings with your team and manager to align priorities. This ensures the most critical tasks get done and that you are achieving your organization’s objectives. For example, try fifteen minute status update meetings two or three times a week that answer these three questions: What did I accomplish since the last status update? What will I accomplish before the next one? What could prevent me from accomplishing it?

Measure Your Output

Metrics: Promote the results you achieve rather than the hours you spend. Use OKRs to set SMART goals that align with your team’s objectives and the organization’s mission. This mindset shift places value on quality output over busy work.

High-Impact Activities: Identify which projects have the most significant impact on your goals and dedicate your focused work sessions to these. Avoid getting sidetracked by low-value activities that don’t help you reach your KPIs.

Technology: Productivity tools can track your progress. These platforms keep you organized, prioritize tasks, and ensure your work stays on course. They present a clearer picture of productivity than time-based metrics and are useful for activity reports.

Ask Your Employer

Fewer Meetings: Ask your manager if the team can designate one or two days each week as no-meeting days so you can all focus on deep work without interruptions.

Recharging Breaks: Take those scheduled breaks you time-blocked. They are important for maintaining your energy. They help you reset so you can see how much work you got done and what is left to do.

How do you protect your focused-work time? Please share in the comments.

Serve or Protect?

Some clients are a dream to work with, and others, well, not so much. You know the type: They are rarely satisfied with your work. They question every item on every invoice, then don’t pay until their second notice. They negotiate every project as a zero sum game. If this relationship is not a one-shot deal, then you have to keep losing in order to please them and that is unsustainable. Should you let this high-maintenance customer go?

The Problem

First, query your team and define all the ways this client makes trouble for you. Do any of the following sound familiar?

Communication: You need their input to deliver their custom solution, but they avoid participating in the process. They refuse to tell you how they want to receive communication then complain they missed an update. They expect immediate responses from you, but they ignore your questions. Their vague, last-minute changes disrupt your service to your other clients.

Deliverables: They scope creep by regularly asking you to do more work than you agreed to and they don’t want to amend your contract. They complain you don’t do enough for them even when the deliverables in the contract are met.

Payment: They question every invoice. They ask you to lower your fees. They chronically pay late.They have threatened to take their business elsewhere more than once.

The Assessment

Now that you know what the problem you are solving for is, determine how bad the problem is. What is the impact on these areas?

Finances: Are they a significant source of your income, or are they actually costing you money with their late payments, demands for discounts, and scope creep?

Resources: How much of your team’s time, energy, and attention does this client take? How many other clients could you serve if you reclaim those resources?

Stress: How much frustration do they cause you? How much do your coworkers worry about this particular client? How far does your team’s productivity drop when working on this customer’s projects?

The Preparation

If the negative impact has outweighed the benefits for at least one year, then it’s time to consider ending the relationship. How should you proceed?

Look at Your Data: Do a cost analysis. Over the course of the contract how much of your organization’s resources were spent on this customer? For every team member, note all the time spent on internal and external communication as well as the actual work on the project. What is the percentage of everyone’s total hours worked? Show these numbers broken down by team member in a report. This unsustainable loss is the main reason you can site for ending the relationship.

Review Your Contract: Understand the terms of your agreement, especially regarding termination. This will help you navigate the process legally and ethically.

Visualize Your Encounter: See yourself explaining to your client why you’re ending the relationship. You are confident. You are not angry. You are calmly and tactfully getting right to the point. You are stating how it’s in the best interest of both parties to go your separate ways. Now rehearse out loud what you’re going to say.

The Conversation

All the analysis and preparation has lead to this. What is the best way to break the news?

Schedule a Meeting: Arrange a time to speak with the client. Face-to-face is ideal, but a video chat can also work. You want to see as many of their nonverbals as possible.

Be Direct and Polite: Start by acknowledging the positive aspects of the relationship, then explain why it’s no longer working. For example, “I’ve enjoyed working with you over the past year, but I feel that our working styles and expectations are no longer aligned.”

Focus on the Business: Emphasize that the decision is based on what’s best for your business. Pull out that cost analysis you worked so hard on.

Offer Alternatives: Suggest other professionals who might be a better fit for the client’s needs. Before offering this, ask those other professionals if they are willing to meet with this client.

Keep it Professional: Stay calm and composed, even if the client reacts negatively. Avoid personal attacks and blame. Take a deep breath, settle your emotions, and focus on the process. Your goal is to end the relationship on as positive a note as far as it is up to you.

The Aftermath

The hardest part is over. What loose ends still need tied?

Wrap It Up: Send your now former client an email summarizing the conversation and confirming the termination of the relationship. Request immediate payment of their final invoice. If there are any remaining tasks, clarify who will handle them. If they seemed interested in your suggestions of other companies who may be a better fit for them, include their contact information.

Move Forward: Use this experience for process improvement. Now that you know where your team’s boundaries are, communicate them to potential clients from the beginning of the relationship. This will help you vet them. For example, if they complain to you about the company they work with, then expect them to complain about you when inevitable conflicts arise. When it’s time to draw up a contract, include details on expectations for communication, deliverables, deadlines, and firm payment terms.

Have you ever had to fire a client? Please share your experience in the comments.

Managers Matter

Last week we wondered if workplaces are becoming more toxic in part one of our series, Toxic Traits. The growing awareness of the effect of employment on mental health keeps workplace cultures under scrutiny. We talked about possible causes and listed some clues to watch for. Every employee of an organization at every level influences its culture. This week let’s talk about how managers impact your work environment.

The Role of Control

Excessive control, whether through micromanagement or rigid policies, can lead to feelings of powerlessness and frustration among employees. On the other hand, a lack of control or guidance can create confusion and insecurity contributing to stress and dissatisfaction. To successfully supervise a team, managers must balance guidance with agency. Your team should have a clear mission as well as feel trusted to perform their duties.

Set Them Up for Success

Empowering employees with decision-making authority on how to meet their key performance indicators develops an individual contributor’s sense of ownership and accountability. Providing clear direction, like establishing monthly goals and coaching on how to reach them, sets your team up for success. When you balance oversight with autonomy you significantly reduce the potential for toxicity. Here are some suggestions.

Open Communication: Encourage transparency and honest feedback through regular check-ins with each member of your team. Allow your direct reports to voice their concerns without fear of retaliation. Address any issues quickly. This both prevents escalation and builds trust.

Clear Expectations: Define roles, responsibilities, and goals. Make sure they are realistic. When circumstances change, revisit them. Every six months at one of your check-ins, analyze how the last six months went. Align expectations for the next six months.

Work-Life Integration: Can you offer flexible working hours, remote work options, and/or resources for mental health and emotional well-being like an employee assistance program (EAP)? Can you budget for investing in professional training and personal development opportunities for your team? Continuing education in communication, leadership, and diversity will not only help them grow and feel valued, it will positively impact your organization’s bottom line. At the very least, ensure your employees take regular breaks and use their vacation days.

Foster Inclusivity: Create a culture of respect and belonging where diversity is valued and discrimination is not tolerated. Implement and enforce policies that protect against harassment and other toxic behaviors. Promote teamwork and collaboration to build strong, supportive relationships among coworkers. Check your hiring and promotion processes for hidden biases. Monitor your team’s workload distribution. Is one person doing all the heavy lifting?

Recognize Progress: Acknowledge employees’ hard work and achievements and reward them with public praise, an email to your Director, lunch with the C-Suite, or a gift card. Learn what type of recognition makes them feel valued and use it to reward them.

Lead by Example: Demonstrate the values and positive behaviors you want to see from your team. You set the tone for the organization.

Both employers and employees have a role in preventing workplace toxicity. Next week in part three of this series, Toxic Traits, we’ll look at some of the ways employees can promote a healthy work culture.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace? What was your manager’s role in the toxicity? Please share your story in the comments.

Assess Your Alignment

This is part two of four in the series, Stop and Think. Last week we began our discussions on reflection. We talked about how you spent your time at work since January and how you can use that information to decide how to spend the rest of your year. Given that insight, let’s spend some energy thinking about why you should adjust your current work goals for the rest of 2024.

Everything Changes

Last week you saw how far you’ve come and how much farther you want to go. This reevaluation is crucial. Do not feel bad for rethinking your goals. They should not be static. They should progress as you do. If your reflection revealed that some of the goals you set in January for 2024 no longer align with your values or circumstances, then adjust them. Here are some things to think about.

Have your circumstances changed? For example, Did you get reassigned to a different department? If so, then it will take some time to acclimate to your new tasks and team.
Has what you accomplished in the last six months influenced what you want to do next? For example, did exceeding your key performance indicators every month for the last six months prompt your manager to give you a high visibility project? To do well on the new project you may have to push pause on other goals.
Have your priorities shifted? For example, have you taken on a caregiver role at home? This may require you to negotiate for a hybrid or remote work situation and flexible hours.

You Have Options

The answers to these questions do not mean you have to abandon your ambitions. They ensure your goals serve you instead of you serving your goals. For example, let’s say one of your goals in January was to complete a degree or certification by December. Here you are in June and your progress is slower than you expected. Are you going to rush through the material and accept barely-passing marks so you can graduate by your original deadline? Or are you going to extend your graduation timeline into 2025 so you can better learn and retain the material, pass the exams with flying colors, and make your completion both more meaningful and more useful?

You Are SMART

You can apply the SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound) goal framework to help you decide. Building on the above example, let’s say completing a certification was a goal in January then you got reassigned to a new department in April. You can ask yourself if completing the certification by December is a SMART goal. A SMART goal verifies why the goal you want to achieve is relevant, but it does not tell you how you are going to achieve that goal. For that you need a system of processes that support your SMART goals and help you address obstacles. Next week in part three of our series, we will talk about how to use your reflections to create a strategic plan for reaching your updated SMART goals.

How does defining why you need to adjust your goals help you achieve them? Please share in the comments.

Underwhelmed

I was introduced to the concept of boreout in Adam Grant’s book, Hidden Potential, and it’s fascinated me ever since. You’ve heard of, and probably experienced, burnout caused by your job. It’s when you are exhausted by too much emotional, physical, and mental fatigue for too long. Boreout is the same exhaustion, but the cause is different. Instead of being overwhelmed by the stimulation of your job, you are underwhelmed by it.

What It Looks Like

You arrive at work each morning facing the same tasks you mastered ages ago. You complete a monotonous routine that offers no room for growth or innovation while constantly checking the clock and counting down the minutes until you can leave. There’s no challenge and no sense of accomplishment. You go through the motions while your skills stagnate, your creativity dwindles, and your enthusiasm decreases with each passing day. You feel apathetic and frustrated. These emotions can spill over into other areas of your life, affecting your relationships and overall well-being. Here are some questions to ask yourself if you suspect you’re suffering from boreout.

Is your comfort zone too comfortable?
Are you running on empty energy-wise?
Do you procrastinate more often?
Are you disengaged with your work and coworkers?
Is your productivity slipping?
Do simple tasks feel burdensome?
Do you feel indifferent to meeting deadlines or achieving goals?
Are you questioning the purpose of your role within the organization?
Do you feel like a cog in a machine rather than a valued contributor?
Has your job performance suffered?
Are you progressing on your career path?
Are you increasingly irritable?
Do you feel detached from friends and family?

How to Combat It at Work

Seek Challenges: Talk to your manager about taking on stretch assignments. Work with them to identify new projects or responsibilities that align with your capabilities. Ask where the skills gaps are on your team then volunteer to learn the competencies that are missing. Online courses, in-person workshops, and mentorship opportunities all broaden your skill set and keep you engaged. Increasing your knowledge base and your network both expands your comfort zone and breaks your cycle of boredom. Experimenting with new approaches to old challenges promotes continuous improvement, injects creativity into your work, and helps you build relationships. Host brainstorming sessions and collaborations with colleagues to spark fresh ideas and gather diverse perspectives. Explore unconventional paths to solutions together embracing failure as a learning opportunity rather than a setback. Everyone suffers from boreout at some point. Surround yourself with coworkers who inspire and motivate you so you can support and encourage each other when needed.

Set Goals: You don’t have to wait for your manager to give you something new to do. Set SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) personal development goals for yourself, both short-term and long-term, that align with your values and career aspirations. Having something to work towards gives you a sense of purpose and direction. Break down larger objectives into manageable tasks, track your progress, and celebrate every completed step.

Establish Boundaries: Strive for healthy work-life integration by prioritizing self-care. Take regular breaks throughout the day to recharge and refocus. Go for a walk or do whatever helps you clear your mind and boost your energy level. Set, communicate, and protect non-business hours so you can disconnect from work to do things you enjoy and be with people you enjoy. BTW, if the only person you want to be with is you, that is valid!

How do you fight boreout? Please share in the comments.

That is Disappointing

When I have a negative experience at work it feels much like the grieving process (shock, denial, anger, acceptance). After feeling all the disappointment, I have to intentionally let that emotion go. Being preoccupied by disappointment can cause us to get stuck. Do any of the following sound familiar?

Taking Your Credit

During a brainstorming session, you share an original concept and your team enthusiastically supports it. At the official launch of the project your coworker presents the idea as their own. What do you do? First, control your emotions. Then gather your date and time-stamped notes just in case you have to prove it was your original idea. For example, flag emails and save meeting minutes (and any other records you can cite as evidence) in a folder on your desktop. Now pull the credit stealer aside and in a private 1:1 meeting say something as non-confrontational as possible like, “I’m happy the client is excited about our idea and I’m surprised you did not mention that it is our joint brainchild. As we move forward, what is your plan for sharing future credit?” If they don’t plan to share credit and if this person is a repeat offender, confidentially ask your manager how they would handle someone who presents other’s ideas as their own.

Losing a Client

When a client leaves it is a blow both to your confidence and your company’s bottom line. After pausing a minute to process the emotions, adopt a learning mindset and get curious. Analyze your data and ask yourself some questions. What went wrong and where? Was there a breakdown in communication? Did the client’s needs or expectations change unexpectedly? Get past the symptoms to pinpoint the root causes so you can prevent similar issues in the future. Take what you learn and apply it to the rest of your clients. For example, if the client left because what they received from you was wildly different than they expected, that indicates you may want to adjust your communication process with your other clients.

Denied the Promotion

You invested your time, energy, attention, and money into developing your skills and all that still was not enough to get the promotion you expected. Again, give yourself a moment to feel your disappointment, then get proactive. Seek feedback from your manager to understand why you weren’t selected. Was it lack of skills? Were the projects you worked on not visible enough to senior leadership? Do you need a sponsor? Determine which variables were in your control and fix those. Be open to constructive criticism and use it as a roadmap for next steps. Identify skills your organization values and strengthen those. Build relationships with people who will champion your work. Publicly committing to bounce back after this disappointment impresses your managers, inspires your coworkers, and makes you a more competitive candidate in the next round of promotions.

Festering disappointment can poison your work environment and stifle your personal growth. Overcoming it requires a combination of self-awareness, proactive communication, and resilience. You have to choose over and over again to control your emotions. With the right mindset and strategies like addressing issues head-on, learning from setbacks, and finding ways to turn negative circumstances into opportunities, you will emerge stronger.

What disappointments have you experienced at work? Please share how you overcame them in the comments.

Want to Know

Last week we began Let’s Get Critical, a four-part series on critical thinking, by defining what it is. Here in part two, let’s discuss why critical thinking is essential to your job performance.

Relationships

Business moves at the speed of trust. Active listening combined with critical thinking and empathy is one of the fastest ways to build trust. When you communicate your ideas clearly to your teammates, attentively listen to them, and respectfully debate with them, then your meetings are more likely to generate positive results. Building a safe space for everyone to contribute ideas not only facilitates effective productivity within your team but also across the organization. When you repeatedly give your subject matter expertise to anyone who asks for it everyone wants to know you.

Decisions

Critical thinking prevents knee-jerk reactions while helping you make wiser choices faster. Testing your assumptions breeds confidence because either you get confirmation that you are right or you find out you are wrong before you go telling a bunch of people. Identifying the various factors, considering their impact on people, processes, and performance, and predicting potential consequences for each all help you excel at solving problems efficiently. Banish the phrase, “because we’ve always done it that way,” from your mind. It squelches the culture of transformation your organization needs to survive. Instead make it a habit to question existing processes, listen to your team’s ideas, and propose low-risk experiments. Using critical thinking this way enables you to quickly grasp new concepts and adjust your strategies accordingly. This capability becomes more crucial as technology like Artificial Intelligence speeds up the pace of business evolution. Adapting to new challenges, identifying the opportunities in crises, and devising original conclusions require you to possess strong critical thinking skills because you have to navigate ambiguity, normalize change, and address challenges with clarity and precision. It is an organization’s critical thinkers who identify inefficiencies, brainstorm new ways to correct them, and drive the mission forward.

Future

Critical thinking is a power skill. It equips you with the tools and mindset necessary to thrive in today’s competitive job market. You help maintain a positive work environment conducive to productivity and innovation when you can:

Demonstrate your creative resourcefulness at problem solving
Think strategically and align your actions with your organization’s goals
Communicate complex concepts concisely and in easy-to-understand terms
Recognize when it is time to pivot, embrace change, and quickly learn new skills
Empathetically challenge both yours and others’ assumptions and welcome alternative perspectives
Actively seek feedback and regularly reflect on your experiences
De-escalate tensions, constructively resolve conflicts by seeking common ground, and facilitate meaningful dialogue to foster collaboration

For example, let’s say you are on a software development team troubleshooting a critical bug in a new application. Instead of resorting to quick fixes or assuming you know what is wrong, your team applies critical thinking skills to systematically diagnose the root cause of the issue. You conduct thorough analysis, dig through code repositories, and interview stakeholders to gather relevant information. Through rigorous testing and experimentation, you identify the underlying flaw, implement a sustainable solution, and document it to prevent similar issues from happening in the future.

Next week let’s talk about how you can demonstrate critical thinking skills to further your career. How does thinking critically help you do your job? Please share in the comments.

How Do You Know?

A few weeks ago, we talked about how valuable it is to tolerate being bad at something long enough to get good at it. Since then, I’ve been asked a few questions. I’ll address three of them here.

The answer to all three is: It depends.

Q: How can you tell if you will eventually be good at a skill or if you will always be bad at it and are just wasting your time?

A: It depends on your attitude. For example, let’s say you are learning to program in Python. Are you so into it that you lose track of time while debugging your code? When you receive constructive feedback on your work, are you excited to try the suggested fixes? After studying the language for a month, do you feel good about how far you have come even if it is not very far? If you answered yes to these questions, then you have enough evidence to safely predict you will eventually be good at programming in Python.

Q: Doesn’t getting good at a skill just take hard work?

A: It depends on your mindset. Someone running on a treadmill and someone running on the street are both working hard, but the runner on the treadmill doesn’t go anywhere. Getting good at something depends more on how you learn rather than on how hard you work. Going back to the Python example, you can learn the language by putting in long hours every day, memorizing syntax, and struggling through coding exercises without seeking help or feedback. Using this approach you will hit plateaus and your progress will be slow because you are just repeating tasks without understanding them. Instead, if you focus on unlearning the outdated language you are currently writing in, understanding the underlying principles of Python, seeking guidance from experienced programmers, and participating in projects at work to apply what you are learning, then you will grasp concepts faster, troubleshoot more efficiently, and advance more quickly in mastering Python.

Q: Is it ever too late to acquire new skills?

A: It depends on your character. Are you naturally curious? If not, are you willing to grow that trait? Are you self-disciplined and resilient? Continuing the Python example, to be good at it you not only have to hone your technical skills you must also develop emotional intelligence, perseverance, and teamwork skills to use it at your job. Also, what motivates you? Do you set achievable short-term goals for yourself? Do you schedule time to learn Python on your calendar? Do you view difficulties as opportunities to learn? Determining if you will be good at Python, or any skill, requires self-awareness, feedback, and adaptability.

How do you stay motivated to be a life-long learner? Please share in the comments.

Bad Blood

This is part two of four in the series: Independently Owned and Operated.

Disagreement over project management, differences in communication styles, and defensive personalities impact people, processes, and profits. When you let go of minor clashes with coworkers you prevent negative energy from impeding productivity for the entire team. But what do you do when you have ongoing conflict with a coworker?

Flip the Script

Conflict is inevitable in any workplace and it’s not always bad. If you expect it, then you are ready to do your part to constructively resolve it. Frame conflict in your mind as a learning opportunity. One of your most powerful tools to disrupt destructive patterns of conflict is active listening. When a conflict sparks, emotions run high, and communication breaks down. By actively listening to your teammate (make eye contact, nod in acknowledgment, paraphrase what you heard, and say it back to them) you demonstrate empathy and a genuine desire to understand their perspective. This not only ensures clarity, it also deescalates emotion. Take ownership of your part in the conflict. This is not an admission of guilt. It’s a declaration of empowerment. It demonstrates you have agency to shape the outcome. After actively listening to your coworker’s position, communicate your position in 30 seconds or less. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say “I feel frustrated when…” instead of “You always do…” Receive their feedback as objectively as possible.

Walk a Mile

Put yourself in your teammate’s shoes. What is driving their behavior? What do they have at stake? Understanding their motivation helps you find common ground. Conflict resolution is not about winning or losing. It’s about working together to move forward. Acknowledge, assume, and appreciate that you both want the best solution to the conflict. If they did not care, then there would not be conflict so get curious. Is it possible to collaborate for a win-win outcome? Can merging your different perspectives address the root cause of your on-going conflict? It’s likely the solution you reach together will be stronger than a solution either of you will achieve on your own.

Recruit a Referee

You may not be able to resolve on-going conflict on your own. When it seems insurmountable, it’s time to bring in a neutral third party, like your manager or someone from HR. Ask them to facilitate a structured conversation. This needs to be a safe space for open communication and a confidential discussion. Do not jump to conclusions or assign blame. Do acknowledge your part in the situation and ask for honest feedback. The third party is removed from the emotion of the conflict and they have a higher-level view of it than both you and your teammate. This, combined with their experience, enables them to give you new ideas for resolution.

Continuous Improvement

Every conflict offers opportunity for personal and professional growth. Make time to reflect on the conflict resolution process. What worked well? What could be improved? What do you wish you’d done or said? What do you wish you had not done or said? Use each experience to refine your skills. Conflicts don’t have to be roadblocks. You can make them stepping stones to success.

Are you in conflict with a coworker? How are you working through it? Please share in the comments.