Attention – Page 8 – mardihumphreys.com

Increase Your Stock Value

This white paper suggests corporations that have women in C-Suite positions experience higher stock values and greater profitability than corporations whose boards are all men. This study proposes there is no physical difference between male and female brains. Both resources imply cultural bias keeps women out of boardrooms. So here we are in 2019 still banging our heads against the Glass Ceiling. What steps can we take right now to break through? One is to develop leadership presence. It’s the secret sauce to obtaining executive and senior level positions and it consists of confidence, unique voice, and physical presence.

Confidence

Research shows men apply for jobs if they meet 60% of the qualifications. Women apply if we meet 100%. When we don’t get the job, women assume we aren’t good enough to get it, and men blame external circumstances. If you work in HR, analyze your organization for diversity then filter your results through your hiring process. What can you do to attract, hire, and promote under-represented groups? (E.g., women in entry level positions taking longer to get promoted than men hired for the same position at the same time.) Make unconscious bias conscious. If your company recruits more men than women, find out why. Hiring managers tend to recruit people they like and who are like them. Does your company need more female recruiters?

Unique Voice

Research reveals when women leaders exhibit traditionally male characteristics, like decisiveness and assertion, we are perceived as bossy and aggressive. On the other hand, when female leaders display traditionally feminine characteristics like being warm and nurturing, we are perceived as incompetent. The trick is to be both warm and competent. Women don’t have to mimic men to have an influential voice, but this is a slippery slope. As LeanIn.org tweeted, “We tend to underestimate women’s performance and overestimate men’s. Women get less credit for their accomplishments and more blame for mistakes. As a result, women have to work harder than men to prove that they’re qualified.” Since women are more likely to be given leadership roles in times of crisis, we get lots of practice using our unique voices.

Physical Presence

To break through the Glass Ceiling, women must get over risk aversion. To get what we want, we have to go after it. We can acknowledge to ourselves we’re afraid, but we have to proceed. True leaders are more afraid of the status quo than of taking risk. We can start by taking up as much physical space as possible when entering a room: stand tall, sit up straight, and make eye contact. These non-verbals telegraph we’re competent contributors. Respect is earned, not given; but we can act like we expect it. We need to pay attention to women beginning employment with our companies and actively advocate for them. We should be creative, innovative, and collaborative in forming sisterhoods in our organizations. We rise and fall together.

Do you have any suggestions how women can develop leadership presence? Please share them in the comments section below.

There’s Nothing Holding Me Back

Do you compare yourself to others? How’s that workin’ out for ya? Most of us have an innate sense of competition. Your teammate reaching his sales goal while you struggle frustrates you. You’re jealous when a coworker receives a promotion and you don’t. But just because someone is winning doesn’t mean you’re losing. You can allow these circumstances to set the bar you pole vault over. Here are four things you can do to be your own competition.

Determine what success means to you. It will look different on you than on those to whom you compare yourself. Use your definition to filter your decisions, actions, and goals. For example, do you want a promotion? If your company thinks customer service is important, make sure you are giving your customers great service. When a customer compliments you on how you treated her, be proactive. Give her your manager’s email address and ask her to send your manager a brief note.

Write down your S.M.A.R.T. goals. It isn’t enough just to think about them. Track them weekly. At the end of the month, ask yourself: What went well? What didn’t? What could I have done differently? What action will I take to improve? This will help you maintain focus. When you get distracted from your goals, you get disoriented. This makes improvement and success both harder and slower to obtain. Develop habits that concentrate on your own path and no one else’s. At the end of the day ask yourself: Am I better today than I was yesterday? Did I stop a negative thought and replace it with a positive action step?

Have a conversation (over coffee, of course). Brainstorm with a confidante who doesn’t have your same job title. Someone outside your industry has a different perspective and sees possibilities you can’t. Even if what they suggest isn’t feasible for you, the point isn’t for them to give you a new business model, it’s to pull you out of the spin cycle in your head so you can think differently about your situation. I had coffee recently with a former coworker I’d not spoken to in about a year. Just by catching up we saw things in each other’s journeys that left us with new ways to approach our jobs.

Take a break. Does social media impact how you think of yourself? There is always going to be someone else with a bigger house, a nicer car, and a more exciting life. If their Instagram posts inspire you to push forward, great. But remember, those people are advertising their values and goals which are not necessarily the same as yours. You can’t generate momentum to reach your goals if your attention is diverted to someone else’s. Don’t compare yourself to other people living their best lives. If scrolling makes you miserable, close the apps for a while.

You are unique. Even with the same job title, you’re different from your coworker. You don’t have the same abilities, resources, obligations, motivations, or challenges. You are your biggest competition.

What adjustments do you make when you realize you’re the only one holding you back? Please share them in the comments section.

Undefeated

Photo by walking photographer from Pexels

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” Frederick Maryat

As I mentioned last week, I do a lot of cold calling which means I get rejected. A lot. So the word resilience has been in my face lately. A lot. Merriam-Webster defines it as, “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.” As usual, I have questions.

“It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” Rocky Balboa

How do I get resilience? The same way you get to Carnegie Hall. Practice. As a woman in the workforce, I feel like I have plenty of opportunity to practice resiliency. From sexism (e.g. Since I’m the only woman in the meeting I must be the note taker, right?) To family responsibilities competing with work (e.g. leaving a day-long corporate meeting “early” (6:00PM) to volunteer at my daughter’s school event.). Every day seems to offer a chance to practice resiliency.

“Instead of letting your hardships and failures discourage or exhaust you, let them inspire you. Let them make you even hungrier to succeed.” Michelle Obama

Why is it important to cultivate? Because life is hard and stressful, yet we don’t assume it will be. We should be surprised when the Memorial Day tornadoes of 2019 happen, but we shouldn’t be surprised when our coworker tries to steal our lead. Again. We can’t predict all the problems life throws at us, but we can prepare our minds to process them, work through them, and maybe even use them to become stronger. When setbacks happen we can remind ourselves of our positive qualities, formulate a realistic plan to overcome the problem, manage our emotions, remain calm and breathe, think about communication and make it effective, and think of ourselves as survivors and not victims.

“You gotta get up and try, and try, and try” Pink

When I fail, how do I work through it? My best example of resiliency is our daughter flunking the road test for her driver’s license the first time she took it. There was much weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth on the way home. As I selfishly thought how angry I was that I’d have to take yet another afternoon off work to let her try again, God thumped me on the head and said, “Ten years from now, it won’t matter that you took more time off work, but what you say in the next ten minutes will. Don’t screw it up.” I told her, “We’ll be home in five minutes, so you have five minutes to wallow in self-pity. Then, pick yourself up and decide what you’re going to do to fix this.” We were home about an hour when she told me she’d called a friend for consolation and found out she’d failed her first try too. She was angry enough to work on what flunked her and retake the test. My husband got off work to take her for the second try, and she passed.

Now, when I get knocked down, I follow her example: I wallow in self-pity for five minutes, talk to someone who knows what I went through, practice what I failed, then go back and try again. It works pretty well. Maybe you should give it a…try.

Please share your stories of resilience in the comments section.

It Depends

Over coffee, a friend asked how my new job was going. I told her my trainer is a former calculus teacher, so I’ve assumed the role of student in order to communicate. She said, “Isn’t it funny how we just do that? How we instinctively alter our personalities? When in Rome…” Which made me wonder, why do we do that? It’s beyond mimicking an arm crossing, leaning in to show non-verbal agreement, or any number of behaviors that help synch us as humans. This behavior actually has a name: situationism. It’s the theory that human behavior is determined by surrounding circumstances rather than by personal qualities. I started researching situationism and it made me wonder a few things.

Do women alter behavior more than men? I didn’t find a definitive answer in my queries. If you’re curious and go searching, please let me know what you find out. I found an interesting (and unsettling) article that counsels women how to communicate with men if they are the only female on a team. If there is demand for articles like this, (and I found far more articles for being the only woman on the team than for being the only man on the team, btw) it leads me to believe women do change our behavior more than men.

Could situationism be a contributing factor to the gender wage gap? This article says the causes of the gender wage gap are female under representation in executive positions, gender discrimination on the job, and socially enforced gender roles. In meetings I’m often the only female in the room. I use gentle persuasion and ask leading questions when I’m trying to prove a point or get the team to act on my ideas. I operate on the you-catch-more-flies-with-honey-than-with-vinegar theory, when what I really want to do is say, “Hey guys, here’s the plan.” This situationism means I’m participating in the socially enforced gender role of sensitive nurturer that keeps women out of leadership positions, but I don’t think I’d succeed as often if I tried to be more dominant.

Is situationism keeping women out of C-Suite positions? Female leadership style is typically leading by example and developing talent. Male leadership is typically more command and control. Women are expected to foster and cultivate which aren’t generally viewed as leadership qualities. Men tend to take charge and try to establish dominance. When women display the aforementioned male qualities, we are viewed negatively. Often as a result of these differences, women can be excluded from out of the office bonding moments, like on the golf course for example. Being left out of informal networking opportunities denies women the chance to connect with potential mentors and/or managers who can promote us.

My friend’s observation led me to some interesting speculations. Please check out the links I’ve provided and explore for yourself. I never thought about situationism before, but it explains a lot, doesn’t it?

Have you ever morphed your personality to better communicate with your coworkers? Please share your story in the comments section.

Happy (Step) Father’s Day!

I saw these words on a T-Shirt the other day: I’m not a stepfather. I’m the father that stepped up. It made me think about my relationship with my stepfather and the truth in that statement. You hear so many stories, like Ellen DeGeneres’s, of stepfathers hurting their wives’ kids, that my story with my stepfather reads like a fairy tale.

When Dad (that’s what I call my stepfather; he’s earned the title) married Mom, I was 13 years old and living with my biological father and his new family. When that didn’t work out, I moved in with Mom and Dad. Surprise! It’s an angst-ridden teenage girl! Lucky you! He’s a Vietnam War veteran who views challenges as invitations, so he dove right in the stepparent pool. I learned many things about work from him which you can read about here. He also has some catch phrases that help me in my career. Here are three.

You can’t over communicate. Once, when I was a teenager, Dad was to pick me up from an evening Spanish club field trip to Chi-Chi’s (remember those?). I assumed he’d pick me up at school, but instead, he went to the restaurant which was 10 miles away. After a hard day at work he was not pleased with the inconvenience of the extra driving and time spent searching for me. I learned to be more clear in giving instructions. I’m reminded of this when making arrangements for my team to meet with my clients’ teams. Do I have the who, what, when, where, why, and hows covered?

Trrrry it. You’ll liiiike it. He usually said this in reference to food, but it comes to mind when my boss gives me a project that overwhelms me. Just try. Just start. I pick the low hanging fruit first so that sense of accomplishment gives me confidence to figure out the next step. Then I take the next step, and the next one, and eventually the project is done.

Just jump in and help. This is actually how Kat Cole went from being a Hooters waitress to the President of Cinnabon. Bottom line for both Dad and Kat: when something needs done, do it. It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s in your job description. In fact, it’s better if it’s not because 1) You learn a new skill. 2) You’re viewed by management as a utility player. 3) You earn the gratitude of the person or team you helped giving you the right to ask for their help in the future.

Dad is retired now, but he’s still parenting as well as teaching me lessons about work. As I write this, he texted asking if I’m okay. My car is in the shop so earlier today he drove 45 minutes to my office, picked me up, drove me 45 more minutes to a meeting downtown and left when I secured a ride back to the office with a coworker. His thoughtfulness reminds me I have some follow up emails to send.

Do you have a stepparent? Has he/she taught you lessons about employment? Please share them in the comments section.

Boxed In

When anyone asks me how old I am, I reply, “I stopped keeping track at 30.” It feels a bit defensive, but once I’m labeled as of a certain age I’m immediately put in a certain box. I’m hyper-conscious I have two strikes against me in the American workforce: I’m a woman over 35 years old. It’s harder for my tribe to get potential employers’ attention with every passing day. Some of the children who were taught to help old ladies across the street and carry old men’s groceries to their cars have grown into adult hiring managers who label anyone with a touch of grey hair as weak, forgetful, and when they’re your employees, expensive. Three examples come to mind:

1) People are considered elderly at 65 years old, but the full retirement age in America is 67. Rumor has it the retirement age will be raised to 70 pretty soon, so there are plenty of people who need to work for at least three more years and be carried on their employers’ insurance policies. These employees typically use more insurance benefits than their younger coworkers, raising the cost of premiums for all employees. But there are loads of healthy older employees positively contributing to their organization’s bottom line thanks to adopting healthy lifestyles, preventative medicine, and a mindset of perpetual learning; especially about emerging technology. We should be judged on our contributions and considered for the same opportunities as anyone else.

2) The general assumption is older workers require a higher wage. This seems to be especially apparent in the tech sector. Dan Lyons recounts his experience of getting laid off in his book, Disrupted: My Misadventure in the Startup Bubble. He was informed the company could use his salary to hire five kids out of college. But if the company is full of recent graduates, who has the experience and wisdom to guide the team? Where are the mentors? The Subject Matter Experts? These are the people who, when crisis hits, fall back on their training to carry the team and save projects. With the growing interest in encore careers, workers in their 40’s and 50’s are making more lateral moves in terms of salary. We consider benefits like flex-time, working remotely, paid time off to volunteer, and employer paid higher education, at least as important as wages when negotiating a compensation package.

3) Ageism affects everyone. We assume we’re talking about older workers, but remember when you were considered too young to do something? Like rent a car at 22 years old? If we have to be 25-35 years old to be employable in America, we’re headed for an economic crisis. Ageism comes from inside an organization. It’s systematic and terrifying.

We’ll all be in boxes eventually. Cemeteries are full of them. Can we please be judged on our accomplishments and character instead of our statistical potential to drain the company’s resources? How do we combat ageism in our companies without getting fired? I’d love to see your opinions in the comments section.

Is There Something I Should Know?

When my friend found out I got a job with a company she was familiar with, she said, “Wait a minute. Are you smart? Because these guys are like, Big Bang Theory smart.” No pressure.

She’s right. I work with brilliant people. Everyday I’m reminded of how little I know; which is good. It both keeps me humble and forces me to learn new things. Walking into the office in the morning, I’m blissfully ignorant and full of confidence. Walking out of the office in the afternoon, I’m dolefully aware and have a to-learn list. Feeling like I know something when I actually don’t has a name: Unconscious Incompetence. And it’s dangerous. It prevents me from recognizing certain situations as problems, so I’m unaware I need help solving them. It’s the classic stage one of the learning model.

Right about now you’re asking yourself: “How do I know if I’m Unconsciously Incompetent?” You can get clues by using a process. For example, when your manager gives you an assignment, ask:

Q: What is the project?
A: Proofreading a report.
Q: What does she want done?
A: In addition to grammar and spellcheck, look at comma use and sentence fragments. Track any changes.
Q: When is it due?
A: One week from today.
Q: What should the deliverable look like?
A: A 12 page report in the company’s preferred format.

For bigger projects, give your manager regular status reports so she can course correct and ask her for KPIs. This mitigates the danger of misusing data or unintentionally ignoring important information. It decreases the odds you’ll be perceived as underperforming or at the other extreme, overconfident. This process can reveal what you don’t know. If you have much to learn, you now have time to either acquire the skills you need or reach out to a skilled team member for help before the deadline.

How can you proactively combat Unconscious Incompetence?
– Discover your weaknesses: Ask a trusted coworker where he thinks your blind spots are. Ask a friend what she think your strengths and weaknesses are.
–Take a skills test: like Strengths finder 2.0 (look for it at your local library) or you can take a free course on Lynda.com.
–Find out what skills your company values: These will be your learning objectives. For example: If your company is hiring programmers, learn some basic coding (Also from Lynda.com; it doesn’t have to cost money). There’s no point in learning to basketweave if your company doesn’t sell baskets. Learn a skill that will help you keep your (or get a new) job.
–Reflect: Recall a time you realized you didn’t know something. What did you do then? Did you read a book? Take a class? Interview a coworker who was a subject matter expert? Can you repeat that process in this situation?

Realizing you are Unconsciously Incompetent can be embarrassing at first, but it’s crucial for identifying the next step in growing your career, and that’s exciting!

Ever been Unconsciously Incompetent at work? Please share what you did to bridge your knowledge gap in the comments section below.