Over coffee, a friend asked how my new job was going. I told her my trainer is a former calculus teacher, so I’ve assumed the role of student in order to communicate. She said, “Isn’t it funny how we just do that? How we instinctively alter our personalities? When in Rome…” Which made me wonder, why do we do that? It’s beyond mimicking an arm crossing, leaning in to show non-verbal agreement, or any number of behaviors that help synch us as humans. This behavior actually has a name: situationism. It’s the theory that human behavior is determined by surrounding circumstances rather than by personal qualities. I started researching situationism and it made me wonder a few things.
Do women alter behavior more than men? I didn’t find a definitive answer in my queries. If you’re curious and go searching, please let me know what you find out. I found an interesting (and unsettling) article that counsels women how to communicate with men if they are the only female on a team. If there is demand for articles like this, (and I found far more articles for being the only woman on the team than for being the only man on the team, btw) it leads me to believe women do change our behavior more than men.
Could situationism be a contributing factor to the gender wage gap? This article says the causes of the gender wage gap are female under representation in executive positions, gender discrimination on the job, and socially enforced gender roles. In meetings I’m often the only female in the room. I use gentle persuasion and ask leading questions when I’m trying to prove a point or get the team to act on my ideas. I operate on the you-catch-more-flies-with-honey-than-with-vinegar theory, when what I really want to do is say, “Hey guys, here’s the plan.” This situationism means I’m participating in the socially enforced gender role of sensitive nurturer that keeps women out of leadership positions, but I don’t think I’d succeed as often if I tried to be more dominant.
Is situationism keeping women out of C-Suite positions? Female leadership style is typically leading by example and developing talent. Male leadership is typically more command and control. Women are expected to foster and cultivate which aren’t generally viewed as leadership qualities. Men tend to take charge and try to establish dominance. When women display the aforementioned male qualities, we are viewed negatively. Often as a result of these differences, women can be excluded from out of the office bonding moments, like on the golf course for example. Being left out of informal networking opportunities denies women the chance to connect with potential mentors and/or managers who can promote us.
My friend’s observation led me to some interesting speculations. Please check out the links I’ve provided and explore for yourself. I never thought about situationism before, but it explains a lot, doesn’t it?
Have you ever morphed your personality to better communicate with your coworkers? Please share your story in the comments section.