Stress – Page 5 – mardihumphreys.com

An Inside Job

“I know who I am; I know what I can and can’t do. I know what I will and won’t do. I know what I am capable of and I don’t agree to do things that I don’t think I can pull off.”
Dolly Parton

It is very self-aware of Dolly to realize she has many strengths and some weaknesses. She identifies each then chooses to leverage her strengths to her advantage. This ability has served her well both as an entertainer and in business. You can do the same thing. When you understand your values, motivations, and priorities you can intentionally make choices that align with your long-term aspirations. For example, let’s say you are not a fan of cold-calling, but you know making five extra calls a day will help you reach your monthly goal faster. You are a fan of your organization’s product/service and are good at talking about it when you train new coworkers. You write down what you said to your last trainee and use it as an alternate script for the extra five daily cold calls. How else can developing self-awareness help you succeed in your career?

Continuous Improvement

Use self-awareness to help you identify areas for improvement. Feedback from people you trust is a good way to pinpoint what new skills you want to acquire. For example, in your latest 1:1, your manager wants to know why the last three reports you turned in were not formatted correctly. You admit you are struggling with the new suite of office applications. This should spur your manager to support you with training to increase your capabilities. Your willingness to develop a skill that benefits your employer signals to your manager that you are aware your success follows the success of the organization.

Building Relationships

Authentic relationships based on trust, empathy, and mutual understanding help you navigate different work dynamics and collaborate effectively with diverse teams. Self-awareness helps you recognize and manage your emotions. This is key to minimizing conflict and paves the way to more constructive interactions. It helps you recognize biases or blind spots that may influence your decision-making process, allowing you to approach decisions more objectively. For example, by understanding your communication style, strengths, and weaknesses, you can adapt your approach to better connect with coworkers and clients. Self-awareness also allows you to learn from your experiences, including failures, and make adjustments.

Self Care

Self-awareness promotes a deeper understanding of your personal principles, passions, and purpose. Aligning your career choices with your values helps you find fulfillment and satisfaction in your work. Defining your needs and boundaries enables you to establish healthier work-life integration. Self-awareness helps you understand your triggers and how you respond to pressure. When you notice your emotional patterns, you can formulate strategies to effectively manage the stress they cause, maintain focus, and make wise choices during challenging situations.

Cultivating self-awareness is an iterative process. It requires introspection, reflection, and feedback. Paying attention to self-awareness helps you unlock your potential, make informed choices, and thrive.

How has self-awareness benefitted your career? Please share in the comments.

Failure is Fuel

Have you heard phrases like fail forward, fail fast, or fail often? They are meant to redefine what we label as failure. You know setbacks are inevitable, so why do you feel like a failure when you don’t get the results you expected? This mindset makes you afraid to take risks or try anything new. Did you know the Wright brothers crashed eight planes before achieving flight? It isn’t really failure you fear; it’s the judgement of your manager and coworkers. How do you get over that?

Reframe

Instead of viewing failure as a negative outcome, regard it as valuable feedback. Think of every task as an experiment. Analyze your failed results as objectively as possible by asking: Where did the process go off track? What change needs to be made to get the desired outcome? Ask your team for their insights. Set ground rules for constructive evaluation and be open to their perspectives. Inclusion cultivates a supportive environment which is key for building the confidence necessary to take calculated risks. Growth requires stepping outside of your comfort zone. Life-long learners realize the need to reframe perceived failure as a learning tool. When you take on challenges that align with your organization’s goals you either succeed or learn. Think of either result as winning.

Reflect

You may not want to immediately ruminate on a project that spectacularly crashed and burned. So, take a beat then ask your team, what did you learn that you want to repeat? What do you want to eliminate? How can you integrate these changes into the process? Setbacks are building blocks for continuous improvement. Use this new knowledge sharing to adjust your strategies and improve your future performance. This process helps your team build resilience which is essential for bouncing back quickly from failures. Success feels good, but the lessons you learn when calculated risks fail stick with you longer.

Reconstruct

Instead of expecting something to work. Expect it not to. Build margin into your timeline for multiple tries, edits, or iterations. This takes some of the pressure off to get it right the first time. When a project doesn’t work out the way you wanted, take the opportunity to adjust your team’s mindset. It is not a reflection of anyone’s abilities or worth as a person. It is an opportunity to develop skills and perseverance. Begin by breaking the goal down into smaller tasks and tackle each one step by step. Celebrate each successfully completed step, document your progress, then move to the next. You will have a record of both your team’s achievement and history. This is a useful reminder that what you did before, you can do again.

Embracing failure as fuel for improvement is a gradual process. Be patient with yourself, stay persistent, and maintain a positive mindset. Successful people fail. A lot.

What strategy do you employ to learn from perceived failure? Please share in the comments.

Spending the Summer

How is it Independence Day already? If you’re going to take a summer vacation, the season is half over. Yes, travel is pricey, but there are ways to mitigate the expense. Here are a few strategies to stretch your hard-earned money.

Plan for Spontaneity

If you don’t have your heart set on a certain destination, then start with your budget. Your vacation has categories like transportation, accommodations, food, and entertainment. Assign dollars to these categories, but keep in mind that the price things cost changes every day.
Prices follow demand. If you can vacation at an off-peak time and place, (e.g., Tuesday – Thursday in Columbus instead of Friday – Sunday in Orlando) then travel and lodging will be cheaper.
Use a travel app (Travelzoo, Skyscanner, Hopper, etc.) to research discounts. Enable notifications so you are alerted when the price of flights and hotels goes down. Check your loyalty programs. Do you have points to use?
If you choose to fly, check your airline’s baggage policy before packing your suitcase. Can you fit everything in a carry-on? If so, you can avoid excessive baggage fees.
What is going on at your destination? Is there a fair or festival? Is there a ballpark offering a discount day? Is there a coupon for a museum tour? Does a local restaurant offer a kids-eat-free-with-adult-purchase option? If you can plan your itinerary around deals on entertainment and eating, then you can save a lot of money.

Go Further Together

Can you vacation with family or friends? If you travel in a group then you can divide the costs. For example, if you drive, you can carpool and take turns paying for gas. If you stay in a hotel, you may be able to negotiate a group rate. Or, check out websites like Airbnb or VRBO for alternatives. What about renting a house? When you have a kitchen you can all chip in to buy groceries. You can either take turns cooking or you can make meals together instead of eating out every day. When you do eat out, look for locally-owned restaurants to support. Restaurants catering to tourists often charge more for the same meal options. Choosing local serves multiple purposes. You get to experience both the culture and cuisine of your destination and you’ll save money. You will save even more money if you can either walk or take public transportation to get to the eatery. Research the available options while planning your trip.

Short and Sweet

If you don’t have the time, money, or patience to deal with the chaos going on in the travel industry right now, then at least take a break with a staycation. If you are into camping, some state parks have no-fee options. Or take a day and do something you don’t usually do like go to your local art museum, or take a hike at a nearby Metropark, go to a movie theater and attend the first showing of the day, relax with a book at your neighborhood pool, stay all day at an amusement park including the closing fireworks show. You can have a good time and stay within your budget.

What you are doing to get away this summer? Please share in the comments.

Job Insecurity

As of April 30, 2023, 168,243 tech employees have been laid off. Losing your job through no fault of your own can be devastating. You feel rejected, hurt, angry, embarrassed, maybe even panicked. Now what?

What Not to Do

Retaliate – It’s tempting to act on your anger and lash out. For example, if your former employer is a bring-your-own device to work environment, then you may feel like withholding the projects you did for them. Upload their stuff from your personal laptop to their shared drive and put it behind you. You may also be tempted to indulge in some trash talk the next time you’re on social media, but disrespecting the organization and/or its leadership only reflects badly on you. If you were a hiring manager, would you interview someone who publicly maligns a former employer?

Rush – Take the time to find your best opportunity. Rushing into a new job that isn’t a good fit can lead to further stress and disappointment. While you may need money immediately, it’s better to take a temporary and/or part-time job both for the paycheck and the time it gives you to keep looking for an organization whose culture excites you.

Ruminate – Overthinking how unfair the situation is does not help you move past it. Triggers are everywhere. Well-meaning people ask you about it and the story is painful to tell over and over. Come up with a neutral elevator speech you can easily remember and deliver it every time someone asks you what happened. Something like, “They had to downsize so now I’m free to accept a new role. Do you know of any open positions?”

What to Do

Reflect – If you are not given a reason for your termination, ask. Knowing why you were chosen may prevent similar issues from happening in the future. Then take stock. Do a personal SWOT analysis. What are your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats? (If you need help with this, DM me.)

Request – Will the organization help you find another job? Will they be a reference? Do they have a connection they will introduce you to? Will they hold a seminar for those who are getting laid off to help with resume reviews, mock interviews, and networking skills? If not, will they pay for a session with a career coach as part of your severance package? If you are eligible for unemployment benefits, file a claim as soon as possible. Avoid making large purchases or taking on debt. These temporary measures can help you stay financially afloat while you search for your next role.

Review – Update your LinkedIn profile and personal website. Adjust your resume and cover letter (Yes, cover letters are still a thing. Don’t get me started.) to highlight your most relevant skills and experiences. Customize your application materials to each position you apply for. This is a job in itself, so after a session working on those, practice self-care and do something that makes you feel good.

How you handle this setback reveals your level of emotional intelligence. Imagine it as a growth opportunity. When you frame it that way in your mind you have great illustrations to draw on for your next job interview.

Have you ever been laid off? What did you do to recover? Please share in the comments.

Communication is Key

I love it when people ask me if I’m worried about robots taking my job. They think Artificial Intelligence will be faster, smarter, and cheaper at creating content than I am. They’re right. But instead of displacing me, AI has promoted me. I am now a Prompt Engineer. How can you protect yourself from being replaced by AI?

Embrace

We fear what we don’t know, so get to know at least one AI chatbot. Here are a few you can try for free. Use AI to help you speed up your process. It’s like washing your car. When you drive through an automatic carwash there are no humans with buckets, sponges, and hand-held vacuums employed to hand wash your vehicle. Technology changed the way you wash your car. Just like technology changes the way most work gets done. Take control and upskill yourself.

Engage

The more work AI can do, the more important the human touch becomes. Use communication to:

Build Trust – Is there a coworker you avoid because the only time they speak to you is when they want something? Don’t be that coworker. Up your interpersonal communication efforts. If you get into the habit of engaging your team in conversation every day, then they will be more open when you ask them for help.

Make it Easy – Use tools like Google Drive to keep KPIs, planning notes, task assignments, etc., in one place so it is easy for your team to check the status of your joint projects. Keep meetings to a minimum. If a meeting is the best way to communicate, then invite one representative per project and let them brief their teams.

Spread Positivity – Take every opportunity to be a cheerleader. Whether it’s your direct report, coworker, or manager, when someone does a good job let them know. Reference a specific action they took and sincerely tell them why you think they rocked it. When someone helps you, thank them in front of their manager, if possible. Even people who do not enjoy the spotlight appreciate praise in the presence of someone who impacts their career.

Enhance

AI does not eliminate customer service. It enables you to be better at it. A human still needs to communicate:

Empathy – Clients want to know that you hear them, understand their challenges, and have experience solving the problem they are facing. After actively listening, you achieve that through what you say and how you say it. Customer service is warm, soothing, and personal.

Subject Matter Expertise – Your clients trust you to give them the tools they need to grow their businesses. You are their guide. You cut through the noise surrounding them. Use AI to research and evaluate options, then present them with the best plans for spending their time, energy, attention, and money.

Emotional Intelligence – It takes a human to figure out how a client likes to communicate then tailor the message to the medium they are most comfortable with. Slack? Email? Phone call? Zoom? Clients want to know someone is taking care of them. Ask them what their business needs beyond what your company provides. When you find out, introduce them to someone in your network who can help.

How has AI impacted your job so far? Please share in the comments.

Happy Endings

With Mother’s Day and Father’s Day coming up, you may be celebrating your parents over the next few weeks. Maybe you will get together and relive memories of their past as you grew up. Are you also thinking about their future and how it may impact yours?

Once your parents retire Social Security and Medicare will help with living expenses, but it’s likely they will outlive those funds. You need to know if they have savings and safeguards in place to protect the money they worked so hard for. Here are some things to consider.

Fraud

Since older adults have had more time on the planet to save up their money, they are logical targets for fraud and not just by strangers. When talking to your parents listen for stories of any new friends coming into their lives and how they spend time together. For example, when they go out to lunch, does your parent always pay the check? Here are some other things to watch for. Also talk about the latest cybersecurity scams. Criminals are employing the latest capabilities of AI to do scary things like enhance family emergency schemes.

Finances

Always a touchy subject, but the economy is perpetually uncertain. Everyone wants to ensure they have all the resources they need to live the rest of their lives the way they want to. Here are a few questions to ask.

Do they have savings (e.g., IRAs, pensions, etc.) in place?
Do they have outstanding debts?
Do they have the necessary documents (like these ) filed?
Not to be morbid, but have they thought about funeral arrangements? Do they want their remains to be buried or cremated? Are they organ donors? If they haven’t thought about it yet, encourage them to document their preferences so you can carry out their wishes after they are gone.

Fulfillment

Mostly, you want to know that if you die before they do they have a plan for living out the rest of their lives in safety and comfort. Here are some questions to ponder together.

Is the interior of the house okay? Accessories like grab bars in the shower, a chairlift for the stairs, and adequate lighting throughout the house will help prevent falls.
Do they have any chronic conditions? Are the names and contact information for their healthcare providers written down somewhere that you can access if necessary?
Do they have a community? Social engagement is important for mental and emotional health no matter how old you are. Do they volunteer with their church? Does their city have a senior center?
Do they feel safe driving? Are they open to public transportation, ride-sharing, or a nonprofit’s transportation program?
When they eventually need help aging in place, should you live together? If so, who is financially responsible for what expenses? How much physical help will they need before it’s beyond your capabilities? Should you get advice from an eldercare attorney to prepare yourselves for what the future may bring?
If they ultimately need an assisted living community, how do you find a trustworthy one? Here’s some information on where to begin.

The future and money are both emotional conversation topics. If you approach them with empathy, respect, and active listening, they will be more productive. Be aware this is not a one and done. You will revisit these issues as long as you are blessed to still be on the same planet as your parents.

What resources do you recommend for aging in place? Please share in the comments.

Risky Business

Photo by Yan Krukov from Pexels

Back in October, we talked about how employers need to iterate their employee retention strategies to adapt to the new, non-traditional, workforce if they want to stay in business. One current retention and recruitment strategy is encouraging employees to bring their whole selves to work. October’s discussion ended with the acknowledgement that for some demographics authenticity at work is not always a wise choice. For example, people of color, other-abled, LGBTQIA+, older, and immigrant workers, to name few.

In this survey 64% of employees said they felt pressured to conform to certain expectations and standards dominating their workplace culture. For example, some hid their political views and information about their families in order to fit in the organization. If you agree with the 64%, then your choices are leaving your authentic self at home, try changing the culture from within, or find another job. What’s the right choice for you?

Be Assimilated

If quitting is a luxury you can’t afford, then remind yourself that your job serves a purpose. It pays your bills which gives you options in other areas of your life. It is okay for now. You do not have to retire from this job. If bringing your whole self to work does not align with your organization’s norms, then you must assimilate. For instance, if your company has a strict dress code, then your tattoos or hair may not conform to the culture and you must obey their rules. This conformity is exhausting and can negatively impact your productivity, so carefully monitor your job performance. For example, regularly update your “Atta Baby!” file.

Become a Change Agent

Bringing your whole self to work means being open and authentic about who you are, your values, beliefs, and experiences. If you are in a minority group, (like those mentioned earlier), then you are in a position to enhance your organization’s DEIB initiatives. Be aware that participation may involve communicating painful memories forcing you to relive them. Not only is this work, it is usually unpaid work. If you choose to help change your company’s culture, then please prioritize your mental health. For example, enlist an ally to help you set boundaries on how authentic to actually be.

Beware

Every organization has its own culture. If you get another job, that culture may not fit either. If you decide to find new employment, then look for key phrases in the job description to determine whether or not that organization champions authenticity. For example, phrases like value alignment, access to reliable transportation, and ability to complete tasks with or without reasonable accommodations, signal that you may have found a company with a culture where you could be your authentic self. Keywords like young and energetic, strong English-language skills, and compassionate nature warn you to keep looking.

It’s in a company’s best interest to create an environment where all employees feel safe and empowered to bring their whole selves to work. Authenticity fosters productivity, improves employer-employee relationships, and inspires collaboration. More authentic collaboration leads to more ideas. More ideas lead to more innovation. More innovation leads to more products/services. More products/services lead to more growth.

How do you encourage authentic diversity in your workplace? Please share in the comments.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

You started out as friends. He came to rely on you more and more and you were happy to support him. You shared private jokes. You made him look good in front of others. You knew what he needed before he did. Now, he takes you for granted. What began as a sweet relationship has turned sour. You want a divorce. I’m not talking about your life’s partner. I’m talking about your work spouse.

Breaking up with a work spouse is neither an easy nor a quick decision. Maybe you were hired because you were friends. Seventy percent of Americans found their current job through their networks. This makes changing your relationship even more difficult. Here are five things you can do to handle the situation with both empathy and respect.

Be Honest and Grateful

Schedule a private meeting with your work spouse. Honestly and kindly communicate your feelings. Be clear and straightforward about your decision. Thank them for the positive impact they had on your professional life and assure them you will continue to support future collaboration. If you need some inspiration, then read the story of how Dolly Parton broke up with her work spouse, Porter Wagoner.

Set Boundaries

After breaking the news, set clear boundaries and expectations for moving forward. You are trying to prevent as much awkwardness and as many misunderstandings as possible. If your former work spouse decides to lash out and go low, then you need to go high. For example, if they start overly criticizing your ideas in weekly team meetings, then come to those meetings prepared to defend your ideas.

Prepare for Professionalism

Think about how you will control your reactions when you see your former work spouse every day. Keep any negative feelings to yourself and commit to remaining publicly amicable. This should help minimize the negative impact of your breakup on your coworkers. They will feel the new friction between the two of you even if you avoid talking about it and they will have questions. Can you and your work ex-spouse agree to deliver the same elevator speech to those inquiring minds? It’s essential to both your careers to maintain a professional attitude. For example, you still have to effectively collaborate on projects every day, but maybe you communicate more through email than face-to-face.

Allow Time for Adjustment

Give your work ex-spouse some space and time to adjust to the new normal. It’s natural to feel disappointed when a close professional relationship ends. Be patient and allow them to process their emotions at their own pace. Meanwhile, you need to adjust to your new single status. Your former work spouse had input into your projects and now they won’t. For example, if you always ran your monthly report by them before submitting it to your manager, now you need a new proofreader.

Make New Friends

Connect with other people on your project team. Grab coffee with someone this week and lunch with someone else next week. Creating stronger relationships will help you get to know, like, and trust each other. Since business moves at the speed of trust, investing in key relationships helps your team work both faster and more efficiently.

What do you do when you need to set new boundaries around a work relationship? Please share in the comments.

The Eye of the Beholder

Photo by Elizaveta Dushechkina from Pexels

I frequently hear various versions of this story from my networks: “Operations told me they assigned a different analyst to our project team because they think we will get along better. I thought we got along just fine, but apparently I offended the last one. I have no idea what I did.” Honestly, efficiently, and politely asking for what you need from coworkers is tricky. The key is authenticity.

Authenticity in the workplace requires consistent and transparent communication, positive nonverbal cues, building trust, and seeking feedback. Here are five examples of what both authenticity and inauthenticity look like at work.

Consistency

You are perceived as authentic when you consistently behave in a way that matches your stated values and beliefs. For example, let’s say you are a project manager who preaches the importance of teamwork. When you are praised for the successful completion of a project, you habitually respond by insisting it was a team effort and list your team’s contributions. On the other hand, if you frequently take credit for your team’s work, then that inconsistency makes you inauthentic.

Transparency

When you communicate honestly and directly, you are often viewed as more authentic than someone who evades tough conversations. For example, if you claim to be a DEIB advocate, then you have a conversation with a colleague who keeps asking you to recruit employees with more diverse life experiences to your department. Open and transparent communication helps you to be perceived as authentic. On the other hand, if you keep avoiding a dialogue with that colleague, then you may be perceived as inauthentic.

Nonverbal Cues

Eye contact, tone of voice, and body language influence your perceived authenticity. For example, if you display positive nonverbal cues in meetings like looking the speaker in the eye, opening your body stance, and taking notes, then you seem authentic. On the other hand, if you look at your phone more than the speaker, cross your arms and legs, or interrupt their report, then you appear inauthentic.

Trust

This may be the most critical component of authenticity. People have to both know and like you before they learn to trust you. It takes time to prove your reliability and credibility. For example, if you routinely complete assignments by their deadlines, then you are perceived as authentic. On the other hand, if you routinely fail to meet deadlines, then your unreliability makes you seem inauthentic.

Feedback

Feedback is a useful tool for gauging your perceived authenticity. For example, at the end of your next 1:1, tell your manager you are working on being authentic. Say that you’d like to send them an email with three questions regarding their perception of your authenticity. Ask if you can discuss their answers at your next 1:1. Part of a manager’s job is to encourage their direct reports to continuously improve. On the other hand, if you do not ask your manager for specific feedback on how you are perceived, then you may never know. We concentrate on getting work done and not on honing the tools, like authenticity, that make getting work done easier.

Sometimes coworkers have legitimate reasons for their behavior or communication style. For example, maybe your relationship has changed. More on that next week in part two of this series.

How do you demonstrate authenticity at work? Please share in the comments.

Tax Facts

The green surrounding me for St. Patrick’s Day celebrations this week reminds me of the color of money which reminds me that it is tax season which reminds me of the education I received when filing them this year. What is your philosophy for paying taxes? Overpay and get a refund? Under pay and owe at tax time? How do you keep up with all the changes in tax laws? Here are three things you may not know about filing your taxes this year.

Quarterly Not Annually

Do you have as few tax dollars taken out of your paycheck as possible? It’s logical you want to keep as much of the money you earn as allowed. Are you satisfied not receiving a tax refund if it means that you keep your money during the year? Did you know the IRS expects to be paid a certain percentage based on your tax bracket at the time you receive your pay and reconciles quarterly, not annually? If you haven’t had the appropriate amount withheld from your paycheck every quarter, then you are assigned a penalty fee when filing your annual return. Now I know why my gig-working friends fill out Form W-4 every year.

Not a Firm Deadline

Every organization that owes you a tax form is supposed to mail/email it by January 31, right? That means you should be able to safely file your tax return in mid-February. Did you know that if you have certain investments, for example, you are a partner in a business and you report your share of that business’s income on your personal tax return, then you may not receive a K-1 form until mid-March? More on that here.

No Penalty for No Coverage

Did you receive any 1095 forms? They provide information about your health care coverage. Remember back in 2010 when the Affordable Care Act required all Americans to have health insurance or else you paid a fine at tax time? The 1095 forms state how you are covered, for example If you received health care coverage through your employer or the Marketplace. Did you know that there has not been a penalty at the federal level for not having health insurance since January 1, 2019? Yet, these forms keep coming. California, Washington D.C., Massachusetts, New Jersey, Rhode Island, and Vermont require their residents to have health insurance (although, Vermont does not impose a penalty for no coverage). The IRS wants the information, so you keep receiving these forms.

You have several options for filing tax returns. For example, you can purchase DIY software. Here is a comparison of a few. You can hire someone to do them for you. Here is how to look for a good tax preparer. If your annual adjusted income is $73,000 or less, then you are eligible for free guided preparation through this program. Any of these options can provide you with information on annual changes.

What is your philosophy about filing tax returns? Please share in the comments.