Relationships – Page 2 – mardihumphreys.com

Slamming Your Spending

How you choose to spend money reflects your values, priorities, and circumstances. People around you—whether friends, family, coworkers, or complete strangers—judge your choices. Why do people care how you spend your money?

Why People Judge

Cultural Norms: Society has expectations about how money should be spent. You may be judged because your spending doesn’t align with what people consider appropriate. For example: You spend money on a weekend getaway and your parents think you should put that money in your IRA instead.

Personal Insecurities: If someone feels insecure about their own financial situation, they may project those feelings onto you. For example: You invest in a risky stock and your friend (who is not a financial advisor) tells you that was a mistake.

Envy: People may criticize your spending if they feel you’re enjoying luxuries they can’t afford. For example: You drive your new car to work and arrive at the same time as your coworker. As you are walking across the parking lot, they ask, “How much did that set you back?”

How to Respond

Priorities: Make financial choices that align with your values and goals, not other people’s opinions. For example, Let’s say you are saving money to buy a house and your friend is giving you a hard time because it’s preventing you from going on a cruise with them. You may respond, “Our priorities are different right now. Spending that money isn’t an option; raincheck?”

Boundaries: If you second-guess your decisions because of someone’s judgment, remind yourself why you made those choices. You know your situation better than anyone and you have the right to keep your spending habits private. If someone asks intrusive questions, shut them down with a simple, polite response. For example: “This is what currently works best for me.”

Reaction: Someone’s judgement reflects their perspective, not the reality of your situation. Reacting defensively can escalate your encounter instead of diffusing it so respond to criticism with calm confidence. Stay grounded in your values, set boundaries, and be assertive. For example: When your uncle criticizes your spending you can say, “I’ve made these choices because they align with my goals. Let’s talk about something else.”

Evaluation: Sometimes, people offer unsolicited feedback that may be valuable. If the judgment comes from someone you trust and respect, consider whether there’s any merit to their perspective. For example, if a financially savvy friend questions a decision you made, consider whether they have a good point. Ask yourself, “Is this spending preventing me from reaching my long-term goals?”

People: You can’t control people’s opinions about how you spend your money, but you can control your response. If certain individuals frequently judge you, try spending less time with them and more time with people who respect your choices or keep their opinions to themselves. When you encounter judgment, respond with empathy. People may criticize your spending because of their own financial stress. Acknowledge their feelings without compromising yours. For example: You could say, “Finances can be stressful. We all have different priorities, and that’s okay.”

Learning: When a financial decision was bad for you, it will hurt. The pain helps you learn. Ask yourself: What trigger can I set to not do that again? Clarify your values, identify the change you need to make, and make it. Spending isn’t really about the money. It’s about how you feel about the money. People want to tell you how they feel. They assume you want to make them feel good and aligning your expectations to theirs does that. But, trying to meet others’ expectations is not only a recipe for frustration, it can also lead to financial decisions that aren’t in your best interest. Prioritize your own goals and you’ll find more peace in your choices, regardless of what others think. For example: When a teammate comments on your spending habits, you could say, “I prefer to focus on what’s best for me rather than comparing myself with others.”

How do you handle being judged for your spending habits? Please share in the comments.

Serve or Protect?

Some clients are a dream to work with, and others, well, not so much. You know the type: They are rarely satisfied with your work. They question every item on every invoice, then don’t pay until their second notice. They negotiate every project as a zero sum game. If this relationship is not a one-shot deal, then you have to keep losing in order to please them and that is unsustainable. Should you let this high-maintenance customer go?

The Problem

First, query your team and define all the ways this client makes trouble for you. Do any of the following sound familiar?

Communication: You need their input to deliver their custom solution, but they avoid participating in the process. They refuse to tell you how they want to receive communication then complain they missed an update. They expect immediate responses from you, but they ignore your questions. Their vague, last-minute changes disrupt your service to your other clients.

Deliverables: They scope creep by regularly asking you to do more work than you agreed to and they don’t want to amend your contract. They complain you don’t do enough for them even when the deliverables in the contract are met.

Payment: They question every invoice. They ask you to lower your fees. They chronically pay late.They have threatened to take their business elsewhere more than once.

The Assessment

Now that you know what the problem you are solving for is, determine how bad the problem is. What is the impact on these areas?

Finances: Are they a significant source of your income, or are they actually costing you money with their late payments, demands for discounts, and scope creep?

Resources: How much of your team’s time, energy, and attention does this client take? How many other clients could you serve if you reclaim those resources?

Stress: How much frustration do they cause you? How much do your coworkers worry about this particular client? How far does your team’s productivity drop when working on this customer’s projects?

The Preparation

If the negative impact has outweighed the benefits for at least one year, then it’s time to consider ending the relationship. How should you proceed?

Look at Your Data: Do a cost analysis. Over the course of the contract how much of your organization’s resources were spent on this customer? For every team member, note all the time spent on internal and external communication as well as the actual work on the project. What is the percentage of everyone’s total hours worked? Show these numbers broken down by team member in a report. This unsustainable loss is the main reason you can site for ending the relationship.

Review Your Contract: Understand the terms of your agreement, especially regarding termination. This will help you navigate the process legally and ethically.

Visualize Your Encounter: See yourself explaining to your client why you’re ending the relationship. You are confident. You are not angry. You are calmly and tactfully getting right to the point. You are stating how it’s in the best interest of both parties to go your separate ways. Now rehearse out loud what you’re going to say.

The Conversation

All the analysis and preparation has lead to this. What is the best way to break the news?

Schedule a Meeting: Arrange a time to speak with the client. Face-to-face is ideal, but a video chat can also work. You want to see as many of their nonverbals as possible.

Be Direct and Polite: Start by acknowledging the positive aspects of the relationship, then explain why it’s no longer working. For example, “I’ve enjoyed working with you over the past year, but I feel that our working styles and expectations are no longer aligned.”

Focus on the Business: Emphasize that the decision is based on what’s best for your business. Pull out that cost analysis you worked so hard on.

Offer Alternatives: Suggest other professionals who might be a better fit for the client’s needs. Before offering this, ask those other professionals if they are willing to meet with this client.

Keep it Professional: Stay calm and composed, even if the client reacts negatively. Avoid personal attacks and blame. Take a deep breath, settle your emotions, and focus on the process. Your goal is to end the relationship on as positive a note as far as it is up to you.

The Aftermath

The hardest part is over. What loose ends still need tied?

Wrap It Up: Send your now former client an email summarizing the conversation and confirming the termination of the relationship. Request immediate payment of their final invoice. If there are any remaining tasks, clarify who will handle them. If they seemed interested in your suggestions of other companies who may be a better fit for them, include their contact information.

Move Forward: Use this experience for process improvement. Now that you know where your team’s boundaries are, communicate them to potential clients from the beginning of the relationship. This will help you vet them. For example, if they complain to you about the company they work with, then expect them to complain about you when inevitable conflicts arise. When it’s time to draw up a contract, include details on expectations for communication, deliverables, deadlines, and firm payment terms.

Have you ever had to fire a client? Please share your experience in the comments.

High Pay Can Cost You

Welcome to the final article in our Toxic Traits series. In part one,
we asked what’s up with the toxicity-in-the-workplace trend. Part two
suggested what managers can do to mitigate its effects. Part three
explored how individual contributors can make workplaces less toxic. Now let’s talk about your wallet.

The allure of a high-paying job can be irresistible. You can have financial security. You can afford luxuries. You can climb up a rung or three on the social-status ladder. But those perks come with a hidden cost when the workplace environment is toxic.

The Pros

Stability: You can pay off debt, build savings, invest in property, and afford quality healthcare and education for both you and your family.

Comfort: You can upgrade your housing, travel more often, and participate in expensive hobbies.

Opportunities: Working in a high-stakes, high-paying environment offers valuable experience and visibility to leadership. These roles can be stepping stones to even more lucrative and prestigious positions within the organization.

The Cons

Stress: The constant negativity of a hostile work environment eventually destroys your productivity. Chronic stress leads to burnout, depression, and anxiety disorders. Stress also manifests physically through headaches, high blood pressure, diabetes, and/or a weakened immune system.

Balance: Toxic workplaces often demand excessive hours and emotional investment that erode the boundaries between your work and personal life. This imbalance strains relationships and reduces time available for self-care and fun.

Ethics: Working in a toxic environment may require you to compromise your principles. This creates internal conflict over moral dilemmas and reduces your self-esteem and professional integrity.

Only you can decide whether the financial benefits of a high-paying job in a toxic workplace are worth the negative impact. Some questions to ask yourself: How far will your resilience stretch? How long will these circumstances last? How patient will your support systems be?

Your Choice

The financial security and career advancement may outweigh the negative aspects, especially if you have effective coping mechanisms and strong external support. But do not underestimate the toll a toxic work environment takes on your mental and physical health, relationships, and overall happiness. The tipping point where toxicity outweighs financial compensation differs for everyone. Here are a few clues the job is no longer worth it.

Health: When your physical or mental health problems become obvious and unmanageable. When you always feel physically exhausted, mentally detached, and/or emotionally numb.

Relationships: When your personal relationships suffer significantly due to your work-related stress and unavailability.

Happiness: When the job requires compromising your values to the point where it affects your self-respect, you lose your sense of purpose, or the grind is relentless.

When You Can’t Leave Yet

If you depend on this job to pay your bills and can’t quit yet, recognize the signs of intolerable toxicity, evaluate your circumstances, and be proactive in mitigating its negative impacts.

Boundaries: Define, communicate, and maintain boundaries between your work life and your personal life to protect your time and relationships.

Cope: Lean on friends, family, and/or professional counselors to help you maintain both your mental and physical health. Relieve your stress through exercise, meditation, hobbies, or whatever self-care looks like for you.

Strategize: Invest in certifications that will open doors to better opportunities elsewhere. Attend networking events and connect with people who work in organizations you’d like to work for. Hire a career coach to help you prepare for your future. It’s good to have hope.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace because the job paid well? Was the compensation worth it? Please share in the comments.

Employees Engage

If you’re just joining us, we are in part 3 of 4 in our Toxic Traits series. So far, we’ve thought about why toxicity in the workplace seems to be on the rise and what managers can do to make the workplace less toxic.

Have you seen any Reels like these lately? Social media amplifies discussions about workplace issues, bringing visibility to toxic behaviors that used to be overlooked. While these videos make you laugh as well as feel seen, they don’t exactly help you solve your toxicity problem. Through collaboration, inclusivity, communication, and mutual respect you can help transform your workplace into an environment where both employer and employees thrive. This solution seems simple, but it’s not easy. So, what can employees do to make your workplace less toxic?

Communicate Effectively: Interact respectfully with colleagues and supervisors. Commit to constructive communication and use the appropriate medium. For example: When you feel like someone belittled your idea in a reply-all email, instead of immediately defending your position, reply all with, “I’d like to learn more. I’ll set up a call for you and I to go deeper.” Showing curiosity in their input signals you have an open mind. Pulling the issue out of the group email demonstrates emotional intelligence. By the way, keeping your mind open does not mean you have to change it.

Support Peers: Foster a collaborative atmosphere by helping your teammates. For example: When someone new joins your team, think about what you wish you’d known when you were in their shoes. Are there certain reference documents in the shared drive they should know about? Does the team take turns buying coffee? Offer to be available to answer their questions.

Engage Constructively: Participate positively in meetings to build a sense of community. For example: When your weekly check-ins start off with what went wrong, call out a teammate who helped make it right.

Manage Stress: Practice self-care to maintain personal well-being. Establish and maintain healthy boundaries around time spent on work. For example: When you receive a work email during Jeopardy! do NOT reply.

Report Issues: Speak up about toxic behaviors using appropriate channels. For example: When you repeatedly get left out of emails containing information pertinent to your responsibilities on the project, get face time with the source and ask them to add you to the thread. You do not have to be confrontational. Concentrate on the call to action. You can say, “Will you please add me to the email list for the project? It has come to my attention I need that information to complete my part of it. I can wait while you do that right now.”

Help Others: Embrace opportunities to stay engaged. For example: When your marketing department needs an extra hand hosting a table at an event your organization is sponsoring, volunteer to help. This gives you insight into another department, feedback on how your work contributes to your organization’s brand, and a networking opportunity.

Both employers and employees have crucial roles to play in growing a healthy workplace culture. It takes perseverance, but working together will decrease toxicity, increase productivity, and promote overall well-being for everyone in the organization.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace? What did you do to make it less toxic? Please share in the comments.

Managers Matter

Last week we wondered if workplaces are becoming more toxic in part one of our series, Toxic Traits. The growing awareness of the effect of employment on mental health keeps workplace cultures under scrutiny. We talked about possible causes and listed some clues to watch for. Every employee of an organization at every level influences its culture. This week let’s talk about how managers impact your work environment.

The Role of Control

Excessive control, whether through micromanagement or rigid policies, can lead to feelings of powerlessness and frustration among employees. On the other hand, a lack of control or guidance can create confusion and insecurity contributing to stress and dissatisfaction. To successfully supervise a team, managers must balance guidance with agency. Your team should have a clear mission as well as feel trusted to perform their duties.

Set Them Up for Success

Empowering employees with decision-making authority on how to meet their key performance indicators develops an individual contributor’s sense of ownership and accountability. Providing clear direction, like establishing monthly goals and coaching on how to reach them, sets your team up for success. When you balance oversight with autonomy you significantly reduce the potential for toxicity. Here are some suggestions.

Open Communication: Encourage transparency and honest feedback through regular check-ins with each member of your team. Allow your direct reports to voice their concerns without fear of retaliation. Address any issues quickly. This both prevents escalation and builds trust.

Clear Expectations: Define roles, responsibilities, and goals. Make sure they are realistic. When circumstances change, revisit them. Every six months at one of your check-ins, analyze how the last six months went. Align expectations for the next six months.

Work-Life Integration: Can you offer flexible working hours, remote work options, and/or resources for mental health and emotional well-being like an employee assistance program (EAP)? Can you budget for investing in professional training and personal development opportunities for your team? Continuing education in communication, leadership, and diversity will not only help them grow and feel valued, it will positively impact your organization’s bottom line. At the very least, ensure your employees take regular breaks and use their vacation days.

Foster Inclusivity: Create a culture of respect and belonging where diversity is valued and discrimination is not tolerated. Implement and enforce policies that protect against harassment and other toxic behaviors. Promote teamwork and collaboration to build strong, supportive relationships among coworkers. Check your hiring and promotion processes for hidden biases. Monitor your team’s workload distribution. Is one person doing all the heavy lifting?

Recognize Progress: Acknowledge employees’ hard work and achievements and reward them with public praise, an email to your Director, lunch with the C-Suite, or a gift card. Learn what type of recognition makes them feel valued and use it to reward them.

Lead by Example: Demonstrate the values and positive behaviors you want to see from your team. You set the tone for the organization.

Both employers and employees have a role in preventing workplace toxicity. Next week in part three of this series, Toxic Traits, we’ll look at some of the ways employees can promote a healthy work culture.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace? What was your manager’s role in the toxicity? Please share your story in the comments.

Assess Your Success

This is the final installment in the series, Stop and Think. For the last three weeks we’ve talked about reflecting on how you spent your time, energy, and attention on your work for the first half of 2024. This week, let’s stop and think about the money you make.

Your Decision

Society uses money to gauge success. But that does not mean you have to. If you make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year, but have no time or energy to spend them the way you want, is that really success? Success is not actually about the money. It’s how you feel about the money. If making a lot of money is important to you, ask yourself why. What does the money you want buy you?

Our culture trains us to believe the more money you have the more options you have. While that can be true, it is also true that with more money comes more expectations. You have to figure out the balance between how much money is enough to reach your goals and what you’re willing to do to get it.

Think about that in relation to reflecting on your goals half way through 2024. Has your definition of success changed since January? Maybe at the start of the year you were focused on financial gains, but now a flexible schedule is more important to you. Update your definition of success and adjust both your goals and systems accordingly. Here are some questions to help you rethink your definition of success.

Is management happy with your job performance?
Is your family happy with your work-life integration?
If you have given your best effort for the last six months, what are three things you are most happy about accomplishing?
Are your original goals still relevant? For example: Did you discover a new skill in the last sixth months and you want to get certified in it? If so, then it’s time to rethink your original goals.

Your Climb

Success is more like climbing a tree than like climbing a ladder. You may need to move laterally, switching branches, before you can climb higher. For example, you may have to change jobs or acquire new capabilities. Moving in reverse or taking a different branch of the tree can often lead to your desired destination more effectively than sticking to your original goal. It may also reveal a new destination you were not aware of that you want more. For example: Is your definition of success more money or is it more control of your lifestyle? Do you have rare and in-demand skills that would allow you to work the hours that you dictate? Time is more valuable than money. You can always make more money. You cannot make more time.

You do not have to wait six months to reflect on your progress, alignment, systems, or success. If you normalize rethinking when new information warrants it and embrace the change then your self-awareness will grow. Periodic realignment keeps you motivated and helps you pursue what type of success truly matters to you.

How do you define success? Please share in the comments.

Assess Your Systems

This is part three of four in the series, Stop and Think. In part one, we talked about reflecting on how you spent your time during the first two quarters of this year. Last week we put some energy into applying the insights you gained to update your goals for the rest of 2024. This week, let’s take your newly iterated SMART goals and turn our attention to your systems for reaching them.

What is the Difference?

SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound) goals help you break down big ambitions into manageable tasks and set a timeline for reaching them. Goals are the results you want to attain. Developing systems focuses on your process to achieve those results. Now that you have updated your goals for 2024, you also need to update your systems. I’m thinking here of a quote from Atomic Habits:

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
James Clear

Reflecting on the last six months, do you see where your current routine led you to where you are now? How far off target are you? Gradual improvement is key to reaching your SMART goals. The purpose of your habits should be to help you keep making incremental progress. Flexibility and adaptability ensure that your incremental progress is in the right direction. Adjust your habits so they give you both the consistency and direction you need. For example, let’s say you got reassigned to a new department in May and are getting acquainted with four new team mates. Having a system to build relationships with them so that you can get to know, like, and trust each other will not only enable your team to complete work assignments faster, but also increase the quality of your projects’ results. Your system for getting to know your four coworkers is asking them how their weekends went during your project status meetings, so progress is slow. To get to know them more efficiently, calendar a 30-minute coffee meeting at the beginning of the workday every Tuesday for a month with a different team member. If during one of these coffee talks you discover it’s going to take more than 30 minutes to get acquainted with a certain team member, then schedule another coffee for next month. Experiment with your systems and adjust them to serve your goals. This helps you remain agile and open to change. Adaptability is crucial to your success at work. It is essential for navigating the challenges of your current responsibilities. It is also a highly sought after power skill.

What’s Next?

Let your manager know you have updated your goals and systems in your next one-to-one meeting. Give them a brief summary of your reflection including what you noticed was not working well, your updated goal, and your new plan to reach the goal. Tell them you intend to implement this process through the end of Q3, then report the results back to them at the beginning of October. This not only helps you be accountable, it also lets your manager see you are self-motivated, take initiative, and are a leader.

What modifications can you make to your routine to improve the systems that support your goals? Please share in the comments.

Underwhelmed

I was introduced to the concept of boreout in Adam Grant’s book, Hidden Potential, and it’s fascinated me ever since. You’ve heard of, and probably experienced, burnout caused by your job. It’s when you are exhausted by too much emotional, physical, and mental fatigue for too long. Boreout is the same exhaustion, but the cause is different. Instead of being overwhelmed by the stimulation of your job, you are underwhelmed by it.

What It Looks Like

You arrive at work each morning facing the same tasks you mastered ages ago. You complete a monotonous routine that offers no room for growth or innovation while constantly checking the clock and counting down the minutes until you can leave. There’s no challenge and no sense of accomplishment. You go through the motions while your skills stagnate, your creativity dwindles, and your enthusiasm decreases with each passing day. You feel apathetic and frustrated. These emotions can spill over into other areas of your life, affecting your relationships and overall well-being. Here are some questions to ask yourself if you suspect you’re suffering from boreout.

Is your comfort zone too comfortable?
Are you running on empty energy-wise?
Do you procrastinate more often?
Are you disengaged with your work and coworkers?
Is your productivity slipping?
Do simple tasks feel burdensome?
Do you feel indifferent to meeting deadlines or achieving goals?
Are you questioning the purpose of your role within the organization?
Do you feel like a cog in a machine rather than a valued contributor?
Has your job performance suffered?
Are you progressing on your career path?
Are you increasingly irritable?
Do you feel detached from friends and family?

How to Combat It at Work

Seek Challenges: Talk to your manager about taking on stretch assignments. Work with them to identify new projects or responsibilities that align with your capabilities. Ask where the skills gaps are on your team then volunteer to learn the competencies that are missing. Online courses, in-person workshops, and mentorship opportunities all broaden your skill set and keep you engaged. Increasing your knowledge base and your network both expands your comfort zone and breaks your cycle of boredom. Experimenting with new approaches to old challenges promotes continuous improvement, injects creativity into your work, and helps you build relationships. Host brainstorming sessions and collaborations with colleagues to spark fresh ideas and gather diverse perspectives. Explore unconventional paths to solutions together embracing failure as a learning opportunity rather than a setback. Everyone suffers from boreout at some point. Surround yourself with coworkers who inspire and motivate you so you can support and encourage each other when needed.

Set Goals: You don’t have to wait for your manager to give you something new to do. Set SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-bound) personal development goals for yourself, both short-term and long-term, that align with your values and career aspirations. Having something to work towards gives you a sense of purpose and direction. Break down larger objectives into manageable tasks, track your progress, and celebrate every completed step.

Establish Boundaries: Strive for healthy work-life integration by prioritizing self-care. Take regular breaks throughout the day to recharge and refocus. Go for a walk or do whatever helps you clear your mind and boost your energy level. Set, communicate, and protect non-business hours so you can disconnect from work to do things you enjoy and be with people you enjoy. BTW, if the only person you want to be with is you, that is valid!

How do you fight boreout? Please share in the comments.

Sustainable Success

What happens when you compare your job performance to your coworkers’ and you are not flattered by the comparison? You feel like you can’t mess up. Ever. You fight to be #1, and discover how hard it is to stay #1. You stick to the routines that proved successful in the past instead of trying new things which stifles your creativity, experimentation, and innovation. Beating the competition becomes more important to you than your customer’s satisfaction. What can you do to turn things around?

Team of Rivals

It’s normal to see your coworkers’ job performance, notice your manager’s reaction to it, and gauge how you are doing. You feel good when you compare favorably and nervous when you don’t. This habit is probably most obvious, and even formalized, in a company’s sales department where top salespeople are rewarded more than bottom ones creating internal competition among the team. Instead of comparing yourself to colleagues, how about setting incremental goals for yourself? Make them flexible so you can embrace change, be open to new approaches, and bounce back after disappointments. For example, using our sales scenario, if you did not reach your quota last month, would another 10 cold calls a day help you reach it this month? Your capacity to adapt will not only set you apart, but also carry you through inevitable setbacks.

Abundance Over Scarcity

Instead of being threatened by your coworkers’ success, how about using it for motivation? Continuous learning is a cornerstone of professional development and identifies you as a leader. Seek opportunities for upskilling so you stay relevant in your ever-evolving market. Make resilience in the face of adversity one of your goals. Swap your fear of not being good enough for curiosity. For example, analyze the differences between you and a successful coworker to discover capabilities you should obtain. There will be enough opportunities for everyone because you will create them. Factor self-compassion into your goal setting. It will help you maintain a positive mindset and reduce self-criticism. Be kind to yourself by celebrating your achievements, no matter how small.

You Are Your Competition

Instead of focusing on competing with your colleagues, how about shifting your mindset to competing with yourself? Strive to become an expert in your field. Set goals focused on personal growth so you are not only valuable to your organization, but also to your profession. State your goals using phrases that describe process improvement. For example, improve on, get better at, grow in. You want to be better than YOU were yesterday not better than OTHERS are today. Set small, specific, easily-achievable goals to quickly boost your self-confidence. Maintain and refine your learning through regular practice. Whether it’s honing your presentation skills, becoming a more efficient project manager, or perfecting your coding techniques, steady progress helps you retain knowledge and discover new skills to learn next.

Measuring your self-worth by whether or not you meet monthly Key Performance Indicators (KPI) does not set you up for sustainable success. When some variables are not under your control, you can try your best and still fall short of the organization’s goal for you. Align your goals with your values and aspirations, not with external benchmarks or the achievements of your team. It’s surprising how often you meet monthly KPI when you set goals that are personally meaningful to you.

How do you prevent comparing yourself to your coworkers? Please share in the comments.

That is Disappointing

When I have a negative experience at work it feels much like the grieving process (shock, denial, anger, acceptance). After feeling all the disappointment, I have to intentionally let that emotion go. Being preoccupied by disappointment can cause us to get stuck. Do any of the following sound familiar?

Taking Your Credit

During a brainstorming session, you share an original concept and your team enthusiastically supports it. At the official launch of the project your coworker presents the idea as their own. What do you do? First, control your emotions. Then gather your date and time-stamped notes just in case you have to prove it was your original idea. For example, flag emails and save meeting minutes (and any other records you can cite as evidence) in a folder on your desktop. Now pull the credit stealer aside and in a private 1:1 meeting say something as non-confrontational as possible like, “I’m happy the client is excited about our idea and I’m surprised you did not mention that it is our joint brainchild. As we move forward, what is your plan for sharing future credit?” If they don’t plan to share credit and if this person is a repeat offender, confidentially ask your manager how they would handle someone who presents other’s ideas as their own.

Losing a Client

When a client leaves it is a blow both to your confidence and your company’s bottom line. After pausing a minute to process the emotions, adopt a learning mindset and get curious. Analyze your data and ask yourself some questions. What went wrong and where? Was there a breakdown in communication? Did the client’s needs or expectations change unexpectedly? Get past the symptoms to pinpoint the root causes so you can prevent similar issues in the future. Take what you learn and apply it to the rest of your clients. For example, if the client left because what they received from you was wildly different than they expected, that indicates you may want to adjust your communication process with your other clients.

Denied the Promotion

You invested your time, energy, attention, and money into developing your skills and all that still was not enough to get the promotion you expected. Again, give yourself a moment to feel your disappointment, then get proactive. Seek feedback from your manager to understand why you weren’t selected. Was it lack of skills? Were the projects you worked on not visible enough to senior leadership? Do you need a sponsor? Determine which variables were in your control and fix those. Be open to constructive criticism and use it as a roadmap for next steps. Identify skills your organization values and strengthen those. Build relationships with people who will champion your work. Publicly committing to bounce back after this disappointment impresses your managers, inspires your coworkers, and makes you a more competitive candidate in the next round of promotions.

Festering disappointment can poison your work environment and stifle your personal growth. Overcoming it requires a combination of self-awareness, proactive communication, and resilience. You have to choose over and over again to control your emotions. With the right mindset and strategies like addressing issues head-on, learning from setbacks, and finding ways to turn negative circumstances into opportunities, you will emerge stronger.

What disappointments have you experienced at work? Please share how you overcame them in the comments.