Holiday – Page 2 – mardihumphreys.com

Happy (Step) Father’s Day!

I saw these words on a T-Shirt the other day: I’m not a stepfather. I’m the father that stepped up. It made me think about my relationship with my stepfather and the truth in that statement. You hear so many stories, like Ellen DeGeneres’s, of stepfathers hurting their wives’ kids, that my story with my stepfather reads like a fairy tale.

When Dad (that’s what I call my stepfather; he’s earned the title) married Mom, I was 13 years old and living with my biological father and his new family. When that didn’t work out, I moved in with Mom and Dad. Surprise! It’s an angst-ridden teenage girl! Lucky you! He’s a Vietnam War veteran who views challenges as invitations, so he dove right in the stepparent pool. I learned many things about work from him which you can read about here. He also has some catch phrases that help me in my career. Here are three.

You can’t over communicate. Once, when I was a teenager, Dad was to pick me up from an evening Spanish club field trip to Chi-Chi’s (remember those?). I assumed he’d pick me up at school, but instead, he went to the restaurant which was 10 miles away. After a hard day at work he was not pleased with the inconvenience of the extra driving and time spent searching for me. I learned to be more clear in giving instructions. I’m reminded of this when making arrangements for my team to meet with my clients’ teams. Do I have the who, what, when, where, why, and hows covered?

Trrrry it. You’ll liiiike it. He usually said this in reference to food, but it comes to mind when my boss gives me a project that overwhelms me. Just try. Just start. I pick the low hanging fruit first so that sense of accomplishment gives me confidence to figure out the next step. Then I take the next step, and the next one, and eventually the project is done.

Just jump in and help. This is actually how Kat Cole went from being a Hooters waitress to the President of Cinnabon. Bottom line for both Dad and Kat: when something needs done, do it. It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s in your job description. In fact, it’s better if it’s not because 1) You learn a new skill. 2) You’re viewed by management as a utility player. 3) You earn the gratitude of the person or team you helped giving you the right to ask for their help in the future.

Dad is retired now, but he’s still parenting as well as teaching me lessons about work. As I write this, he texted asking if I’m okay. My car is in the shop so earlier today he drove 45 minutes to my office, picked me up, drove me 45 more minutes to a meeting downtown and left when I secured a ride back to the office with a coworker. His thoughtfulness reminds me I have some follow up emails to send.

Do you have a stepparent? Has he/she taught you lessons about employment? Please share them in the comments section.

What’s it all for?

Captain Herschel L. Smith Photo Credit to the owner

Memorial Day is a holiday dedicated to honor those who died while serving in military service to America. It always reminds me of my Grandpa, Herschel L. Smith. Although, he didn’t die in the line of duty (Thank You, Lord), so I don’t know why Memorial Day makes me think of him. He served as a Captain in the U.S. Army Air Corps and piloted B-24 Liberators during WWII. His plane was shot down over Germany. As the enemy moved in to take his crew captive, he told his men, “We’re going to win the war. We’re just not gonna win it today.” And for the next 11 months they were POWs. He had a purpose: to keep hope alive in his team. Through the filter of winning a war, decision making gets simple; not easy, but straightforward. We benefit from our military personnel’s sacrifices to maintain our freedom. So what are we doing with this privilege? What is my purpose? What is yours?

Make time to find your purpose. Here is an article to help. Finding your purpose may take a while, but it’s a wise investment. Making decisions through the filter of purpose causes wise choices to be more obvious and simplifies the process. For example: If you are in sales (spoiler alert: everyone is in sales), your purpose is to help your customers. You want to provide them with a product or service they need at a price they can afford. When you approach a potential customer with that mindset, your instinct is to ask them what their pain points are. When you learn the obstacles they face, it helps you figure out how to fix their problems with your product or service.

Experiment. Have you always wanted to do something, but never had time: Gourmet cooking? Coding? Story telling? You’ll never just have time. You have to make time. Jump in and take a class. Or, are you really good at something? Get yourself a YouTube channel and teach others what you know. Do you love dogs? Volunteer at your local animal shelter. Do you want to make a difference in a young person’s life? Mentor.

Remember you have more than one. You bring one purpose to your partner. You bring a different purpose to your first child and a different purpose to each subsequent child. You bring a purpose to your mom and a different purpose to your dad and a different purpose to your bestie. You may bring multiple purposes to your job, church, school, intramural team, book club, etc.

It can evolve over time. When our daughter was little, my purpose as a mom was to guide and protect. Now that she’s an adult it’s to encourage and support.

In closing, I salute Captain Herschel L. Smith with some of his favorite words:
By the world I was soon forgotten
No one has mourned for me
as over the world I have wandered
across the boundless sea
So drink to me again boys through the midst of crocodile tears
for when I’m gone no one will mourn
the last of the bombardiers

Please share how your journey to finding your purpose is going in the comments section.

Auld Lang Syne

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
 and never brought to mind?
 Should old acquaintance be forgot,
 and old lang syne?
CHORUS:
For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
By Robert Burns 1788

Is Auld Lang Syne stuck in your head too? It’s okay. It’s just once a year. As Grammy used to say, “This too shall pass.” As 2018 passes into history and we wax nostalgic, here’s my Top Ten List of things I hope you’ll remember:

You have plenty to be thankful for – At the very least, you can read; 2,620,710 Americans can’t.

What makes you different is your super power – The pressure to fit in is strong and wrong. Embrace what makes you unique.

You have more influence than you think you do – Use that super power for good not evil.

Kindness is always the right thing to do – People won’t always appreciate it, but do it anyway.

Learn from the past – Every year is filled with ups and downs like a roller coaster. It’s the downs that tend to come to mind first. Don’t dwell on them.

Look to the future – Use what you didn’t like about 2018 to inspire your 2019 goals.

Make wise choices – You reap what you sow; both good and bad. Choose to sow good things even when it’s hard because good decisions lead to good opportunities.

Ignore the haters – When your critics push you toward depression and negativity (notice I wrote When and not If), turn away.

Focus on the positive – You have to train your mind to see the good in every situation, it won’t drift there automatically. Here’s a start: “Some people grumble the roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.” – Alphonse Karr.

It’s good to have hope – It’s the only thing stronger than fear. Hang onto it. Remind yourself that tomorrow can be better than today and you have the power to make it so.

This is my blog’s one year anniversary. Thank you so much for your kind attention in 2018! I look forward to continuing our conversations in 2019, and I trust you will make it your best year ever!

Are there topics you’d like to discuss in 2019? Tell me about them here:

Present Pressure

One of the biggest elements of the holiday season is gift giving. When it comes to work, under what circumstances should you give presents? As for coworkers, I address that subject in my latest article for Fairygodboss, but what about the other people in your work life?

Holiday gifts are an opportunity to remind clients and contractors of the goals we achieved together over the past year. I try to deepen the relationships, but I keep the gifts shallow; in other words, not overly personal. You won’t receive a tie or perfume from me. You may, however, receive a subtly (think watermark) company branded cell phone wallet or journal. I want my receivers to remember me fondly, not feel like they’re walking advertisements for my employer. If I know my receiver well enough to know their interests (or if they have an assistant I can ask), a personal gift is the way to go. But if I don’t, I go local. For example: I live in Dayton, Ohio and am blessed to have access to Dayton specific gifts appropriate for business giving: Bill’s Donuts, Esther Price candy, anything from Dorothy Lane Market’s bakery, gift certificates to Marion’s Pizza or Carillon Park, etc. Plenty of companies have rules about employees accepting gifts including dollar limits (IE: they can’t accept gifts worth more than $25). If I don’t know what the rules are, I check with their HR department. I had a customer for whom receiving gifts was against company policy. I took him a dozen cookies from a local bakery so he and his staff could eat the evidence. I stay away from humorous gifts unless I know my receiver REALLY well because senses of humor vary greatly. A gift doesn’t have to be a physical object. Here are three things you could give that don’t go under a Christmas tree:

Words: Amplify their blog posts, like their pictures on social media, endorse them on Linkedin, share articles they write, leave positive comments on their websites. Write a nice review on their company Facebook page, be intentional with kind words. When our daughter accepted a position pending graduation, she announced it on social media. She not only expressed her excitement at the job, but also thanked the university that helped her get the job. Her post implies if you attend this university, you could get a job after graduation. Her testimonial is a gift because the university promotes post-graduation employment in their recruiting.

Service: Everyone is going through something – offer to help. Be value added. Serve their needs. I had a customer who didn’t want to participate in my program because it required her to notify hundreds of people. I created a document she could email and distribute. It sealed the deal. I saved it as a template and offered it to all my customers after that. Providing extra customer service distinguishes you from your competitors. If you make your customers’ lives easier, they want to keep you around.

Generosity: Go beyond a thank-you-for-your-business-this-year email. Donate to their favorite cause. It gives you an opportunity for follow up. Or, even better, volunteer at their favorite charity alongside them. It gives you an opportunity to bond. Be generous, but not extravagant; that can get real creepy real fast. Don’t expect a gift in return. If you do receive a gift, be gracious even if you don’t like it and be sure to send a thank you note; preferably hand written and sent snail mail. Gift giving can be tricky, but let common sense, kindness, and authenticity be your guides. Share your business gift giving suggestions here and Happy Holidays!