Attention – mardihumphreys.com

Attention to Give

Last week we talked about how a mindset of generosity can positively impact your team’s energy at work in Part 1 of our series, Give a Little Bit. I received feedback suggesting my theory worked in a perfect world. Since none of us live in that branch of the multiverse, let’s discuss how being generous with your attention helps you both stand out and earn respect in a workplace filled with competition.

Some organizations intentionally set their employees up to compete against one another to drive job performance. (I’m lookin’ at you, Sales.) While ambition can be motivating, too much competition can create a limited mindset. For example, this research supports my theory that when you feel like the only way you win is when someone else loses, that is a limited mindset. If you have an unlimited mindset, then you believe your talent and hard work will produce growth; not only for yourself, but also for your team and organization. If you choose creating value over playing a zero-sum game, then you are generous. Your initiative produces innovation, opportunities, and a big payoff for everyone involved. Generosity, cooperation, and mutual growth become your strategies, and they set you apart in a competitive work environment.

Try Coopetition

Keeping tabs on your coworkers isn’t a bad idea. It can help you understand how to bring more value to your role and inspire you to up your game. But one-upping your coworkers can get toxic fast. Instead, focus on assisting your competition to achieve their part of the organization’s mission by cooperating with them. I like to call that “coopetition”. In this case, generosity is about sharing credit, knowledge, and encouragement. When you’re generous, you create a reputation for being reliable, approachable, and self-assured. People respect those who support others. Here are a couple of suggestions.

Shift the Attention: The next time you achieve a success, publicly acknowledge everyone who played a part. This expands the spotlight to shine on the team rather than just you. It makes you look both gracious and confident. You can do this in an email to your manager and the company’s leadership and copy the team.

Share Knowledge Regularly: Make a habit of sharing resources, insights, or tips that could help others succeed. When a coworker sees you aren’t holding back to stay ahead, it increases their trust in you.

Be the Advantage

The way to outshine your competition is by choosing collaboration over rivalry. In highly competitive workplaces, everyone is vying for attention individually. Standing out by being a team player when others are focused on personal recognition signals your strong leadership. While others focus on showing why they’re better than their peers, you are the one who knows how to leverage the strengths of everyone around you. For example, Take the initiative to propose projects that benefit multiple people or departments. By setting up opportunities for others to succeed alongside you, you create positive exposure for yourself while enlisting allies across teams. Generosity helps you build a brand that will last longer than any competitive win. Experiment with coopetition and let me know what happens.

How has generously giving attention to your coworkers differentiated you from your competition? Please share in the comments.

Civil Service

I’m hearing the word civility used a lot lately in reference to the power skills necessary to grow a thriving workplace culture and I am here for it. We talked about appropriate ways to treat coworkers in this space before, but what is the civility trend? Why does civility matter? How can you integrate civility into your workplace?

The Civility Trend

Civility encourages coworkers to actively listen to one another, respect differing viewpoints, and collaborate cohesively despite personal differences. It helps everyone feel seen and valued, which boosts both morale and productivity. Maintaining civility is a business strategy. Policies and practices that help your team tactfully navigate disagreements are tools for employee retention. According to a study by the Center for Creative Leadership, 93% of workers consider respectful treatment a key factor in job satisfaction. More companies are integrating civility into their core values because it leads to a healthier work environment. A 2022 study by Civility Partners found workplaces that promote respectful exchanges experienced a 30% improvement in productivity and a 25% drop in employee turnover. Interpersonal conflicts challenge organizational efficiency because differing opinions and ideologies can cause rifts in relationships. Civility promotes inclusivity and minimizes workplace tensions.

Why Civility Matters

There are quantifiable financial risks of not cultivating a civil work environment. When employees experience negative interactions, they quit. A Work Institute Retention Report found that replacing an employee can cost up to 33% of their annual salary due to turnover, training, and lost productivity. In addition, there is usually a loss in productivity and an increase in the emotional toll on the remaining employees. This makes incivility a costly problem for your organization to ignore. On the flip side, prioritizing civility can offer a competitive advantage. Civility bridges divides to build an infrastructure where employees feel safe to share ideas without fear of judgment or punishment. If civility is one of your company’s values, then you will attract and retain top talent, incubate innovation, and enhance employee job performance because civility gives voice to diverse perspectives which results in better decision-making and faster problem-solving.

Civility in Your Workplace

Civility is more than just being polite. It’s the foundation of effective collaboration and communication. A civil workplace welcomes open dialogue and values each team member’s contributions. First you have to have enough emotional intelligence to know and manage yourself. You can take a personality test like Clifton Strengths Finders, DISC, or Enneagram, etc., to gain some self-awareness. Once you realize what makes you feel respected, then you can recognize what makes your teammates feel heard. When you spend time working with them, watch their reactions. Adjust your communication to not only relate to them but also build relationships. For example, when I’m facilitating a discussion, and it’s a topic I’m excited about, I have to remind myself to be quiet and let others share. I recognize a fellow introvert when I see one. I know I need to be careful to offer them opportunities to contribute to the conversation without putting them on the spot. For example: asking, “Jane, did I see your hand raised?” even if I didn’t. Then Jane has both an in if she wants to speak and an out if she doesn’t.

How do you promote an atmosphere of civility in your workplace? Please share in the comments.

Heavy Weight

Do you ever stare at your computer screen then check the time and three minutes have passed without typing a single word? No? Just me? Okay. When this happens, it usually means my cognitive load has exceeded capacity. Cognitive load is how much information your brain can handle at one time and plays a huge role in how you manage your attention. High cognitive load overwhelms your brain making it difficult to process data, make decisions, or stay focused.

Results of High Cognitive Load

Increased Errors: When your attention is overloaded, it becomes harder to process details and avoid mistakes. For example, you’re working on a report and your email notifications keep going off. While your brain is absorbing multiple pieces of information, errors are more likely to slip through the cracks.

Reduced Efficiency: The more your cognitive load increases, the longer it takes to complete tasks. For example, going down a research rabbit hole can make a project that should take 30 minutes drag into an hour because you’re mentally exhausted and struggling to focus.

Procrastination: If you’re already feeling overwhelmed by cognitive load, the idea of diving into something complex makes you want to avoid it. For example, it’s the end of the day so you reschedule the call to your high-maintenance client. Again.

Why Your Cognitive Load Gets Heavy

Managing Multiple Tools: Have you ever been working away at your laptop, stopped and thought, “Why am I exhausted? All I’ve been doing is sitting here for the past hour.” Constantly switching between documents and spreadsheets, email, and messaging apps leads to mental fatigue. Your brain has to adjust every time you shift between tools, increasing cognitive load.

Dealing with Information Overload: You receive more information than you can process. For example, email threads you are copied on, minutes from meetings you missed, and notes from client calls. Sorting through all this data without a clear system overwhelms your brain.

Juggling Competing Deadlines: You have to constantly reprioritize projects and everything feels urgent. This strains your decision-making abilities. As you mentally switch between tasks, it becomes increasingly difficult to focus on any one thing effectively.

How to Manage Your Cognitive Load

Prioritize Tasks: Not all tasks require the same amount of mental energy. Categorize your to-do list by urgency and importance. Work on high-priority tasks when your attention is highest. This spends your cognitive resources on what matters most. For example, instead of answering low-priority emails first thing in the morning, focus on writing that activity report.

Break Down Complex Projects: When facing a difficult task, break it into smaller, manageable steps. For example, if you’re preparing a presentation, start by gathering the data one day, writing the script the next, outlining the slides the next, and refining the visuals on the fourth day. Each step requires less cognitive effort than trying to complete the entire presentation in one sitting.

Limit Multitasking: Instead of constantly switching between different tasks, practice focused work. Set aside dedicated blocks of time to focus on one task at a time. For examples read this.

Streamline Information Intake: Tools like email filters can help you narrow your focus to relevant data. For example: Set your inbox to show only emails from key contacts during work hours.

Take Mental Breaks: Short, regular breaks allow your brain to reset and improve your concentration when you return to work. For example, set an alarm to work uninterrupted for 50 minutes followed by a 10-minute break. During breaks, step away from your workspace, stretch, hydrate, and let your mind recharge.

How do you manage your cognitive load? Please share in the comments.

Focus on the Future

Visualization is vividly imagining yourself achieving specific goals. It is a mental rehearsal that prepares you for success by helping you see, feel, and experience your desired outcomes before they happen in reality. Visualization helped Michael Phelps win Olympic gold medals. Can it help you win professionally? Let’s dive into the concept.

Why Does Visualization Work?

You tell yourself stories all the time and perception is reality. Your brain processes your thoughts as truth and creates new neural pathways to help the rest of your body make what you think actually happen.

What Can Visualization Do For Your Career?

Clarity: Visualization doesn’t just stay in your mind. It influences your behavior. When you imagine yourself in a specific role or achieving a particular milestone, you start making decisions that align with your vision. You ignore distractions and prioritize the actions that grow your career. Your goals feel tangible and achievable.

Self-assurance: The more vividly you picture yourself nailing an interview, leading a project, or negotiating a higher salary, the more you believe in yourself. By the time you face a real-world challenge, you’ve already experienced it in your mind. You’ll approach opportunities with more confidence and projecting confidence is often the difference between success and setback.

Motivation: Regularly seeing yourself achieving your goals, reminds you of why you’re working so hard. This helps you be resilient when challenges crop up. When you visualize positive interactions with teammates, clients, or managers, you’re more likely to approach these interactions with a positive attitude, leading to stronger relationships.

How Do You Use Visualization?

Goals: Your visualization needs a clear target whether it’s landing a promotion, transitioning to a new field, or mastering a new skill. Write down your goal and be as detailed as possible. Visualize yourself achieving your goal, then break it down into actionable steps. This ensures you’re not just dreaming but also deliberately working towards making that dream a reality. Use visualization to give you ideas about what your process will look like, then reverse engineer a plan to achieve that outcome.

Imagine: By creating a multi-sensory experience, you make the visualization more real and impactful. Close your eyes and see yourself achieving your goal. What details do you notice? How does it feel? What sounds do you hear? For example, let’s say you are an individual contributor and want to move into management. What is different than what you do now? When you imagine a typical day, are you leading a weekly team catchup meeting? Are you in your calendar coordinating your team’s vacation schedules so everyone gets a break and the work still gets done? Are you on the phone with a client diffusing a conflict?

Practice: Make short, simple sessions a habit. You can visualize during your morning routine, on your lunch break, or before bed. The more you practice, the more you deeply ingrain these positive images in your subconscious. Start by visualizing a small win, like giving a great presentation. Notice the details: What time of day is it? What are you wearing? Who is with you? What emotions are you feeling? Get granular. The more details, the more your brain accepts this visualization as your reality.

Affirmations: If negative thoughts pop up, acknowledge them, then shift your focus back to positive images. For example, as you visualize landing a new job, repeat affirmations like “I am capable and ready for this role” or “I attract opportunities that align with my career goals.” This reinforces your belief in your ability to succeed.

Obstacles: Think about what could stop you from achieving your goal. For example, your technology isn’t working for a big presentation. Now come up with a plan to use the difficulty. Whether it’s a tough interview question or a project setback, mentally rehearsing how you’ll handle these situations can prepare you to face them confidently in real life. When you design a plan to deal with worst-case scenarios, you enhance your problem-solving skills. This helps you prevent the obstacles that are in your control and navigate the ones that aren’t.

Act: Let’s say you are visualizing a promotion, like moving from manager to director. Visualize what that looks like. Do you have more responsibility? Are you networking harder? Are you coaching new team members? Do those things. Make sure the decision maker who can give you that promotion knows you are doing them. Stepping up your game creates opportunities and attracts people who can help you achieve your visualizations.

Do you use visualization to further your career? Please share in the comments.

Employees Engage

If you’re just joining us, we are in part 3 of 4 in our Toxic Traits series. So far, we’ve thought about why toxicity in the workplace seems to be on the rise and what managers can do to make the workplace less toxic.

Have you seen any Reels like these lately? Social media amplifies discussions about workplace issues, bringing visibility to toxic behaviors that used to be overlooked. While these videos make you laugh as well as feel seen, they don’t exactly help you solve your toxicity problem. Through collaboration, inclusivity, communication, and mutual respect you can help transform your workplace into an environment where both employer and employees thrive. This solution seems simple, but it’s not easy. So, what can employees do to make your workplace less toxic?

Communicate Effectively: Interact respectfully with colleagues and supervisors. Commit to constructive communication and use the appropriate medium. For example: When you feel like someone belittled your idea in a reply-all email, instead of immediately defending your position, reply all with, “I’d like to learn more. I’ll set up a call for you and I to go deeper.” Showing curiosity in their input signals you have an open mind. Pulling the issue out of the group email demonstrates emotional intelligence. By the way, keeping your mind open does not mean you have to change it.

Support Peers: Foster a collaborative atmosphere by helping your teammates. For example: When someone new joins your team, think about what you wish you’d known when you were in their shoes. Are there certain reference documents in the shared drive they should know about? Does the team take turns buying coffee? Offer to be available to answer their questions.

Engage Constructively: Participate positively in meetings to build a sense of community. For example: When your weekly check-ins start off with what went wrong, call out a teammate who helped make it right.

Manage Stress: Practice self-care to maintain personal well-being. Establish and maintain healthy boundaries around time spent on work. For example: When you receive a work email during Jeopardy! do NOT reply.

Report Issues: Speak up about toxic behaviors using appropriate channels. For example: When you repeatedly get left out of emails containing information pertinent to your responsibilities on the project, get face time with the source and ask them to add you to the thread. You do not have to be confrontational. Concentrate on the call to action. You can say, “Will you please add me to the email list for the project? It has come to my attention I need that information to complete my part of it. I can wait while you do that right now.”

Help Others: Embrace opportunities to stay engaged. For example: When your marketing department needs an extra hand hosting a table at an event your organization is sponsoring, volunteer to help. This gives you insight into another department, feedback on how your work contributes to your organization’s brand, and a networking opportunity.

Both employers and employees have crucial roles to play in growing a healthy workplace culture. It takes perseverance, but working together will decrease toxicity, increase productivity, and promote overall well-being for everyone in the organization.

Have you ever worked in a toxic workplace? What did you do to make it less toxic? Please share in the comments.

Assess Your Systems

This is part three of four in the series, Stop and Think. In part one, we talked about reflecting on how you spent your time during the first two quarters of this year. Last week we put some energy into applying the insights you gained to update your goals for the rest of 2024. This week, let’s take your newly iterated SMART goals and turn our attention to your systems for reaching them.

What is the Difference?

SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound) goals help you break down big ambitions into manageable tasks and set a timeline for reaching them. Goals are the results you want to attain. Developing systems focuses on your process to achieve those results. Now that you have updated your goals for 2024, you also need to update your systems. I’m thinking here of a quote from Atomic Habits:

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
James Clear

Reflecting on the last six months, do you see where your current routine led you to where you are now? How far off target are you? Gradual improvement is key to reaching your SMART goals. The purpose of your habits should be to help you keep making incremental progress. Flexibility and adaptability ensure that your incremental progress is in the right direction. Adjust your habits so they give you both the consistency and direction you need. For example, let’s say you got reassigned to a new department in May and are getting acquainted with four new team mates. Having a system to build relationships with them so that you can get to know, like, and trust each other will not only enable your team to complete work assignments faster, but also increase the quality of your projects’ results. Your system for getting to know your four coworkers is asking them how their weekends went during your project status meetings, so progress is slow. To get to know them more efficiently, calendar a 30-minute coffee meeting at the beginning of the workday every Tuesday for a month with a different team member. If during one of these coffee talks you discover it’s going to take more than 30 minutes to get acquainted with a certain team member, then schedule another coffee for next month. Experiment with your systems and adjust them to serve your goals. This helps you remain agile and open to change. Adaptability is crucial to your success at work. It is essential for navigating the challenges of your current responsibilities. It is also a highly sought after power skill.

What’s Next?

Let your manager know you have updated your goals and systems in your next one-to-one meeting. Give them a brief summary of your reflection including what you noticed was not working well, your updated goal, and your new plan to reach the goal. Tell them you intend to implement this process through the end of Q3, then report the results back to them at the beginning of October. This not only helps you be accountable, it also lets your manager see you are self-motivated, take initiative, and are a leader.

What modifications can you make to your routine to improve the systems that support your goals? Please share in the comments.

Emotional Granularity

You’ve probably heard the advice that when you feel nervous, like before a presentation, you should tell yourself that you are not nervous, you are excited. By doing this, you turn the negative emotion into a positive one.

You’ve probably sat behind your computer trying to solve a difficult problem and suddenly your body feels like it ran a marathon. You think, “What is wrong with me? All I’ve done for the last hour is sit here and I’m exhausted.” When you feel frustrated, it’s not always because something is wrong, it may be because something is emotionally hard.

There is neuroscience behind these mindsets. For the health of your brain, as well as the rest of your body, take your process for dealing with your fight, flight, or freeze response a step further and recategorize stressful emotions.

What Is Emotional Granularity?

The next level of emotional intelligence is emotional granularity. It is the ability to precisely label your emotions at the time you are having them. This is a coping mechanism that helps you be more spontaneously resilient during a stressful situation. When you can recognize an emotion and label it, you can regulate it. You gain more control over the outcome of the situation you’re in at the time you are in it. While you can’t stop feeling emotions, you can decide how to act on them to create the results that most benefit you.

How Can You Use It?

You probably mentally place the label “negative” on the emotions you perceive as unpleasant. But emotions are neither positive nor negative. Emotions are electrical impulses in your brain signaling that what you’re experiencing is something you care about. For example, let’s say you are gearing up for your annual job performance review and you are dreading it. What would happen if you told yourself you feel determination instead of dread? You would be able to change your reality. You would prepare differently. If you dread, then maybe you avoid preparing for the review until the last minute because you don’t like the way it makes you feel. If you recategorize dread as determination, then as soon as your review date is scheduled, you pull out your Atta Baby file and revisit all the goals you met during the last year as well as the praise you received for your job performance. Now you have the documentation to remind the organization of your value. Now you have the confidence to prove your worth. Now that emotion is a force driving you to a more positive outcome.

Why Should You?

When you are in a situation that makes you feel anxious, your body is trying to tell you something. Instead of making a snap decision, stop and ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Paying attention to those feelings and getting curious about what is causing them gives you options for how to deal with them. The discomfort is rolling around in your brain anyway. You may as well catch the emotion, unravel it, and make it work for you.

How do you reframe your unpleasant emotions? Please share in the comments.

Sustainable Success

What happens when you compare your job performance to your coworkers’ and you are not flattered by the comparison? You feel like you can’t mess up. Ever. You fight to be #1, and discover how hard it is to stay #1. You stick to the routines that proved successful in the past instead of trying new things which stifles your creativity, experimentation, and innovation. Beating the competition becomes more important to you than your customer’s satisfaction. What can you do to turn things around?

Team of Rivals

It’s normal to see your coworkers’ job performance, notice your manager’s reaction to it, and gauge how you are doing. You feel good when you compare favorably and nervous when you don’t. This habit is probably most obvious, and even formalized, in a company’s sales department where top salespeople are rewarded more than bottom ones creating internal competition among the team. Instead of comparing yourself to colleagues, how about setting incremental goals for yourself? Make them flexible so you can embrace change, be open to new approaches, and bounce back after disappointments. For example, using our sales scenario, if you did not reach your quota last month, would another 10 cold calls a day help you reach it this month? Your capacity to adapt will not only set you apart, but also carry you through inevitable setbacks.

Abundance Over Scarcity

Instead of being threatened by your coworkers’ success, how about using it for motivation? Continuous learning is a cornerstone of professional development and identifies you as a leader. Seek opportunities for upskilling so you stay relevant in your ever-evolving market. Make resilience in the face of adversity one of your goals. Swap your fear of not being good enough for curiosity. For example, analyze the differences between you and a successful coworker to discover capabilities you should obtain. There will be enough opportunities for everyone because you will create them. Factor self-compassion into your goal setting. It will help you maintain a positive mindset and reduce self-criticism. Be kind to yourself by celebrating your achievements, no matter how small.

You Are Your Competition

Instead of focusing on competing with your colleagues, how about shifting your mindset to competing with yourself? Strive to become an expert in your field. Set goals focused on personal growth so you are not only valuable to your organization, but also to your profession. State your goals using phrases that describe process improvement. For example, improve on, get better at, grow in. You want to be better than YOU were yesterday not better than OTHERS are today. Set small, specific, easily-achievable goals to quickly boost your self-confidence. Maintain and refine your learning through regular practice. Whether it’s honing your presentation skills, becoming a more efficient project manager, or perfecting your coding techniques, steady progress helps you retain knowledge and discover new skills to learn next.

Measuring your self-worth by whether or not you meet monthly Key Performance Indicators (KPI) does not set you up for sustainable success. When some variables are not under your control, you can try your best and still fall short of the organization’s goal for you. Align your goals with your values and aspirations, not with external benchmarks or the achievements of your team. It’s surprising how often you meet monthly KPI when you set goals that are personally meaningful to you.

How do you prevent comparing yourself to your coworkers? Please share in the comments.

Power Tool

Two weeks ago we began this series, Let’s Get Critical, by defining critical thinking. The following week we discussed how to use it at work. But does critical thinking benefit you personally if no one knows you can do it? How can you prove you are a critical thinker and use it to further your career?

Demonstrate

Ask – Curiosity is the fuel that powers critical thinking. You need to get past the symptoms of a problem to find its cause. What is your why? What is the context? How does it make you feel? What works well? What can be improved? What should you stop doing? Questions like these signal your mind is open to new ideas and new ways of doing things.

Listen – While someone is answering your questions, only break eye contact to take a brief note. Nod in acknowledgement when they emphasize a point. After they answer, reply with a paraphrase of what you heard them say. You don’t have to agree with their point of view, but you do have to consider it. Part of critical thinking is realizing just because you don’t like someone’s opinion does not mean they are wrong. Constructive dialogue requires you to suspend judgment, try to understand their assessment, and reach a consensus.

Change

Rethink – Critical thinkers do not accept the status quo. They challenge prevailing beliefs, uncover hidden agendas, and examine the rationale behind both. To accomplish this, embrace stretch assignments that force you out of your comfort zone. Intentionally work with colleagues from different departments, backgrounds, and cultures. This broadens your worldview, reveals your unconscious biases, and gives you new approaches to problem-solving.

Network – Get out of your organization and into your community. Attend industry conferences, roundtable discussions, and Special Interest Group (SIG) meetups. Engage in conversations with people who do what you do and people who use the products or services your organization provides. Get their feedback on what is going well for them as well as their pain points.

Learn

Educate – Getting a degree or certificate is a great accomplishment and it has an expiration date. To maintain your subject matter expertise, you have to learn a skill, use it, unlearn it, learn the new skill, use it, unlearn it, etc. To be a critical thinker, you must be adept at both gathering and integrating information from various sources of relevant and reliable data, pull key insights out of it, and test your conclusions. Regularly reflect on your choices. Think about your reasoning behind them. Consider the perspectives of those impacted by your decisions.

Fun – Engaging in activities that stimulate your mind also stimulate critical thinking. For example, reading a work of fiction while concurrently reading a work of non-fiction, attending non-work related workshops, doing Sudoku or crossword puzzles. Team bonding events where the goal is to relax and get to know one another help build the trust necessary to accept diverse viewpoints when it’s time to problem solve. When you are emotionally invested in someone, you want to collaborate with them.

For example: Let’s say you become known for asking good questions, thoughtfully listening, taking on stretch assignments, presenting at SIGs, and starting your organization’s leadership development book club. These all set you up to be an influencer who contributes innovative ideas, correctly analyzes complex issues, and makes informed decisions. Critical thinking makes you a valuable asset to any organization.

How do you demonstrate your critical thinking on the job? Please share in the comments.

Under the Influence

Coworkers and managers influence your decisions. They have plans for you, but do their expectations align with your values, skills, and goals? Influence is a powerful tool that shapes your organization’s decisions, strategies, and culture. As a leader, it’s essential to intentionally decide whom you allow to influence you, but how?

Who You Are Looking For

Stay away from influencers who are negative, office politicians, cynical, and toxic. Look for people who ooze credibility, integrity, and reliability. Seek out people whose life experiences and ideas are different from yours. Surround yourself with individuals who encourage, inspire, and interact with everyone; not just those who can help them get ahead. You want to follow leaders who are committed to building a healthy and productive workplace environment. These may be colleagues with seniority, peers with specialized knowledge, or direct reports whose work ethic you admire.

What You Want From Them

You need influencers who will offer guidance, provide valuable insights, and exert a positive influence on your leadership style. These are not people who tell you what you want to hear. They both challenge and uplift you. They are accountability partners who spark your mutual growth. Align yourself with individuals who tell you the truth in love. You can identify them by the way they ask you questions then allow you space to rethink your opinions. These types of leaders are busy people. Relentlessly respect their time and find ways to bring value to the relationship.

Boundaries

It’s tricky to collaborate as a member of a team and complete your own assignments and avoid becoming a doormat. To maintain this delicate balance, you have to diplomatically manage both your supervisors’ and coworkers’ influence.

Set: Do you have time to complete your report and help your coworker prep for their client meeting? Be realistic about your own workload and deadlines. Does your team share calendars? Can they see when you are busy and vice versa? It is better to be unexpectedly available than to withdraw the help you said you’d give.

Communicate: As Brene Brown says, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” When you receive requests for help, first express your willingness to collaborate then email your manager and copy the requestor. Ask for clarity on whose project has priority in terms of what is best for the organization. If your manager decides your input is crucial to the project your teammate is working on, and that means you will miss a deadline on your own work, then ask what the new deadline for your own work is.

Protect: When prioritizing someone else’s project benefits you, your teammate, and your company, then it makes sense to move your boundary. But there is always that one person (let’s call them: TOP) who repeatedly asks for help until that task you do for them becomes part of your job description. Every time TOP asks for help, ask yourself: What is TOP’s track record for getting their own work done? Does what TOP wants me to do directly impact our organization’s bottom line? Will this project make me more visible to management and/or clients? Politely decline TOP’s invitation to do their work when the additional task conflicts with your current commitments or if it’s outside the scope of your responsibilities. It’s okay to offer guidance, share your expertise, and encourage problem-solving, but avoid taking on TOP’s tasks. For example, if TOP asks you for prospects, invite them to look at your LinkedIn contacts, filter for their target, and find people they want introductions to. If TOP persists, redirect them to your manager.

What criteria do you use to decide whom you allow to influence you? Please share in the comments.