Parenting – Page 2 – mardihumphreys.com

Red Alert

Our daughter was born seven days before my 31st birthday. While pregnant with her, my OB/GYN referred to us as a geriatric pregnancy. Has a bit of a negative connotation, don’t ya think? I prefer to think of us as trendsetters because these days plenty of women are following in our footsteps. At the time, I hoped that within twenty-five years society would evolve to the point where it’s easier for parents of minor-aged children to work full-time. The deadline to fulfill that hope is January 2022. Looks like I’m going to be disappointed.

Acknowledge

The corporate sector has done little to address this issue, and as we discussed last week, bias against working mothers hasn’t changed much in 25 years. Since the pandemic spotlighted their plight, now is an opportune time to use that momentum and advocate for permanent changes with employers for both mothers and fathers. Child care is necessary for parents to work. Work is necessary to drive economic recovery from COVID-19. More than half of the parents who took this survey anticipate that the cost of child care will increase because of the pandemic. The child care crisis is now a red alert and it affects all of us.

Communicate

If you are a parent in the workforce, the pandemic probably taught you the necessity of work-life integration, especially if your children are very young and/or school-aged. For example, the need for your physical presence when your child is an infant is not the same as when that child becomes a teenager. Even if your work responsibilities don’t change during those years, where and when you do the work can. Gone are the days of sitting in an office for eight hours waiting for work to appear. Work happens 24/7/365; so does the rest of your life. Figure out where your boundaries are, then communicate and negotiate them with your manager. When your employer knows that you’ll write the quarterly report after your daughter goes to bed in exchange for attending her soccer game that afternoon, they should respect your work-life integration. If they don’t, then you can find an employer who will. Right now there are more jobs available than people to fill them. You need to be in an employment situation where you can have transparent, on-going conversations with your manager (e.g., performance reviews) where the goal is to define both what the company currently needs from you, and what you need from the company in order to meet its needs. The result should be an arrangement benefitting both you and the company. If you and your employer are both fair and flexible, not only will you successfully integrate the responsibilities of your life, but you, your employer, and your children will benefit also.

How does your business address the needs of working parents? Please share in the comments.

The Motherhood Penalty

During a networking lunch with a female colleague, we chatted about our grown-and-flown daughters. We have four between us and love them more than life. I said, “I think being a working woman in America is a challenge, but being a working mother in America is a problem. Having children is a luxury.” She replied, “Or a liability.” That’ll preach. She said out loud what plenty of people think but don’t publicly acknowledge because we’re afraid of either hurting our children’s feelings or being harshly judged by our peers.

Research reveals that when both a man and a woman are up for the same job, gender is a factor in who gets it. The general perception is that a man can focus on the job, while a woman, specifically a mother, will be distracted by her circumstances outside of the job. This unconscious gender bias is called The Motherhood Penalty.

It can show up in how managers talk to each other about their direct reports. For example, on Monday a department head comments that Joe is a good example to his children because he worked all weekend to finish a project, but when Jane does the same thing, this department head worries aloud about who is taking care of her children. Also, think about positions in your business that require travel. Are there more men in those jobs than women?

A woman doesn’t have to be a mother to get penalized. Assumptions regarding women’s lifestyle choices are common. Some prejudice is so ingrained and subtle it occurs unnoticed until a vice president looks around the company and wonders why there are so few female directors. To get promoted to director, you first have to get promoted from individual contributor to manager, and that’s the problem.

The solution falls heavily on Human Resources. They possess the data and are in the position to ask questions about what it reveals. For example, if the organization has historically promoted more men than women from individual contributors to first-time managers, why? The answer may require an assessment of the performance review process to bring gender bias into the company’s collective consciousness. You can look at quantifiable statistics like skillsets and who consistently met their departments’ KPIs. But anecdotal evidence must be gathered too. Are female employees held to a higher standard than male employees in the same role? Are female employees’ mistakes criticized more and remembered longer than male employees’ mistakes?

Assuming it’s more risky to fill a leadership position with a woman instead of a man is false speculation. Anything could happen. The man could take all the leadership development you give him and go work for your biggest competitor. When organizations advance the person most qualified for the job and provide reasonable support for that person, everyone benefits; especially the clients.

How do you see The Motherhood Penalty at work? Please share in the comments.

Balance vs Integration

Photo by EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA from Pexels

I mentioned last week my mom is retired. If you’re envisioning a little old lady sitting in a rocking chair and knitting, you haven’t met my mom. If she’s sitting in a rocking chair, It’s more likely she’s on her laptop in her home office, videoconferencing with a mentee in Turkey rather than knitting. Instead of trying to balance work and life, Mom has integrated them. She’s incorporated elements she loves (The Bible, studying) into her daily routine (counseling, mentoring).

If you have a job that can’t be done remotely, (e.g. factory, hospital) you have a better shot at work life balance because you leave your work at the place you perform it. But those jobs tend to have hours that don’t coincide with the school day. Balance then becomes: Are you going to your eight-year-old’s piano recital on Saturday or are you working your normal shift as a hair stylist? If you have more of a sales role (talent acquisition, productivity consultant) or knowledge worker (software developer, career coach) you have more freedom to integrate all of your responsibilities. For example, instead of working eight hours straight, work-life integration could look like this: you do deep work at 5:00AM while everyone is asleep. You break at 7:00AM for breakfast with the family. You work while the kids are in school. You answer emails after everyone goes to bed. Integration blurs the lines between home and work. Life becomes more fluid and less categorized. For example, developing a marketing proposal for a client and developing a vacation proposal for the family are both duties you may have, and you get paid to do one of them.

When I think of balance, I visualize the Scales of Justice and constantly trying to keep both sides even. But you don’t have work on one side of the scale and everything else on the other. Life is more like a large Marion’s Super Cheese Pizza whose squares are unevenly cut. Some are huge and some are tiny. Your squares include work, family, friends, health, personal development, spirituality, volunteering, leisure, etc. Some days, those bigger squares are going to be children (e.g., you have to attend parent-teacher conferences). Some days those big squares are going to be work (e.g., attending the all-company videoconference). After you eat a couple of big squares, you fill up on smaller ones: checking email while awaiting your turn at the parent-teacher conferences, light weight lifting while attending the all-company videoconference. (I recommend both video and microphone muted for this one.) Only you can decide which squares and how many to eat everyday. Make decisions based on your values, goals, and priorities. When you feel overwhelmed, write down where your T.E.A.M. is going (i.e., how many squares you’re eating). If you discover you’re spending your T.E.A.M. out of sync with your values, goals, and priorities, consider reassigning the squares. Maybe today the biggest square is the slide deck that’s due at noon and the smaller square is the social media post you told your church you’d do for them this week. You can even share your pizza, giving a square (like the social media post) to someone else.

Switching your mindset to integration can help you achieve the balance you want. How have you changed your routine to bring more harmony to your life? Please share in the comments.

Nest Eggs

When her grandchildren were little, my mother-in-law hosted annual Easter egg hunts. She loved hiding candy-filled eggs in her yard for them to find. There was one egg bigger than all the others that she filled with cash instead of candy. She called it the money egg. Every child wanted to find it, break it open, wave the cash around, and speculate on how they would spend it. If they’d saved the money in those eggs instead, how much would they have now? You can help your children, grandchildren, godchildren, nieces, nephews, or any youngsters you love, begin good money saving habits this Easter.

Littles

In addition to candy, put a wallet in their Easter basket. A child as young as kindergarten can be taught it’s a safe place to keep the contents of their money egg. This gift implies valuables (money, gift cards, library card, driver’s license, etc.) should be kept organized, somewhere they can find it, and safe. A wallet is something they can keep in their room and periodically check to see how full it is. When a significant amount is accumulated, it’s time to open a bank account.
We’re still in our bubbles for a little while, so, if you’re buying for children who are at least five years old, how about a new board game? Monopoly has several junior versions that help teach concepts like buying, selling, and paying rent. The dollar designations are smaller than the adult game and the properties you can buy (e.g., an arcade) are more age appropriate.
You can use Easter baskets for some not so obvious financial lessons like delayed gratification. For example, if your little ones want to eat their Easter candy before breakfast, offer them a choice. They can either have one little solid chocolate egg before breakfast or half of the big bunny after breakfast. In other words, would they rather have a little now or wait for a bigger reward? When they are older and want to spend their work bonus on the latest iPhone now instead of putting it in their 401(k), this lesson should come in handy.

Bigs

If you’re giving an Easter present to a juvenile with a job, whether formal (e.g. bagger at a grocery) or informal (e.g., mowing lawns), how about opening a Roth IRA for them? There are several companies that don’t charge for opening an account. Which is not the same as no minimum investment, btw, so read brokerages’ terms and conditions before choosing one. If the child is a minor, the account will have to have an adult custodian. If that won’t be you, check with the receiver’s parent first. This gift plants a few seeds for learning about investing. As they get older and the money grows, they can evaluate available saving options for a long-term goal. It also accustoms them to habits like contributing to their future employers’ 401(k) plans. The earnings from a Roth IRA can be used to pay for higher education (at an eligible institution) without penalty for early withdrawal. Every little bit a young person is willing to save now will pay off big time when they graduate high school.

While these probably won’t replace chocolate bunnies, Reese’s eggs, or jelly beans, finding some money-wise goodies in their Easter baskets communicates that you care about their happiness beyond today.

Were money eggs included in Easter egg hunts when you were little? Did you save or spend them? Please share your story in the comments.

Still Dreaming

On Monday, January 17, 2000, all 50 states began recognizing the third Monday in January as a holiday. Most celebrate it exclusively as Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Media typically highlight one of King’s most famous speeches. We haven’t yet realized his dreams. We still have lots of work to do. My dreams revolve around the American workforce. Here are five of them.

Earnings

I dream of equal pay for equal work. The disparity we hear about most is probably the wage gap between women and men. The latest statistics I found are from 2019 when, on the average, women earned $.80 for every $1.00 earned by men. But, employees of color, employees with disabilities, and LGBTQ(IA+) employees experience even wider wage gaps. The U.S. Department of Labor has been trying to fix this since the 1960s and is still working on it; which leads me to my next dream.

Child Care

I dream of safe, dependable, economical, quality child care for every family. Since the 1950’s, the number of women entering the workforce (including mothers) began to rise steadily, peaking in 2000. The cost of living meant a significant number of families required more than one income to survive. Consequently, parents had to pay someone to watch the kids while they were at work. In 2019, around 10% of a family’s income went to pay for child care. There is plenty of research out there on this topic. Here is an insightful article about why child care is so expensive. Here is an article on why America resists universal child care.

Health Care

I dream of available, affordable, and accessible health care for all workers. I have no answers; only questions and research. Why is this so hard? Why does it cost so much? Other developed countries have figured it out, why can’t we?

Inclusion

I dream of every employee having the opportunity to not only voice their opinions, but also have them heard, acknowledged, and taken seriously. It’s time to make diversity in the workplace a given. American companies should employ genders, religions, ages, races, other-abilities, etc., at least as varied as our clients. Our companies’ workforces ought to reflect the people we serve. How can we produce relevant user experiences if we limit our knowledge to how someone like us uses our product? We need to take the next step and embrace inclusion. This goes beyond diversity. If our workplace is diverse, but only one or two group’s opinions matter, the marginalized groups will take their talents to our competition.

Work Week

I dream of workers being compensated for results instead of time. With so many of us homing from work, er, I mean, working from home; haven’t we proven the forty-hour-work week is as dead as the Wicked Witch of the East? The eight-hour workday was invented by Henry Ford in the early 1900’s to recruit talent who were used to working 12-hour days. With the availability of technology, project-based solutions, and team-based problem solving, the current model is no longer best practice. The organizations who develop compensation criteria for productivity based on results will likely attract the best workforce talent.

How would you revamp the current conditions for America’s workforce? Please share your suggestions in the comments.