Last week we talked about how to ask for what you want at work and being prepared to get it. I gave you a pep talk over on Substack that included the Strength Plus Warmth Formula. In response I received a couple of questions on what this looks like in real life. So, this week let’s look at a few examples of the types of situations you’re currently in, what your normal approach would be, and what your new approach could be if you use the Strength Plus Warmth Formula instead.
The Strength Plus Warmth Formula
When you need to ask for something: raise, scope change, resources, help, time, etc., use this structure:
- Name what you want (one sentence)
- Tie it to outcomes (why it matters)
- Acknowledge their constraints (warmth)
- Offer an easy next step (what you need from them)
It looks like this: “I’d like X because it will Y. I know you’re balancing Z. The next step I’m asking for is A.”
That’s it. Four steps. No groveling. Not bossy.
Now let’s make it concrete across manager/peer/direct report because your week contains all three.
1) Asking for a raise or promotion
Soft default: “I was wondering if maybe we could talk about compensation at some point…”
Translation: Please don’t be mad that I exist.
Strength Plus Warmth scripts:
Option A: Direct and calm
“I’d like to discuss a compensation adjustment to reflect my scope and impact. Over the last six months, I’ve delivered X, Y, and Z. What’s the process and timeline to review this?”
Option B: Promotion-focused
“I’m ready to be considered for the next level. I’m already operating at that scope in these areas: X, Y, Z. What specific outcomes would make this an easy yes in the next cycle?”
2) Pushing back on scope
Soft default: You say yes, then resent everyone, then work late, then wonder why you’re tired.
Strength Plus Warmth scripts:
Option A: Tradeoff question
“I can take this on. To do it well by Friday, I’ll need to deprioritize X. Which would you like me to pause?”
Option B: Clarify the ask
“Before I commit, can we define what ‘done’ looks like? If we want it by Friday, we’ll need to keep the scope to A and B.”
Option C: Protect quality
“I want to make sure this lands well. With the current workload, I can deliver either fast or polished. What matters more here?”
3) Pitching an idea
Soft default: You float it like a balloon and hope someone else attaches a string.
Strength Plus Warmth scripts:
In a meeting: “I recommend we do X. It would reduce Y and help us hit Z. If there are no major objections, I can draft a plan by Thursday.”
In Slack: “Proposal: X. Benefit: Y. Cost: about Z hours. If you’re aligned, I’ll move forward and share a first pass by Thursday.”
How do you exude both strength and warmth to achieve your goals at work? Please share in the comments.
For the extended article including additional scripts and The Not Pushy Calibration Hack sent right to your inbox, subscribe to my Substack.