How you choose to spend money reflects your values, priorities, and circumstances. People around you—whether friends, family, coworkers, or complete strangers—judge your choices. Why do people care how you spend your money?
Why People Judge
Cultural Norms: Society has expectations about how money should be spent. You may be judged because your spending doesn’t align with what people consider appropriate. For example: You spend money on a weekend getaway and your parents think you should put that money in your IRA instead.
Personal Insecurities: If someone feels insecure about their own financial situation, they may project those feelings onto you. For example: You invest in a risky stock and your friend (who is not a financial advisor) tells you that was a mistake.
Envy: People may criticize your spending if they feel you’re enjoying luxuries they can’t afford. For example: You drive your new car to work and arrive at the same time as your coworker. As you are walking across the parking lot, they ask, “How much did that set you back?”
How to Respond
Priorities: Make financial choices that align with your values and goals, not other people’s opinions. For example, Let’s say you are saving money to buy a house and your friend is giving you a hard time because it’s preventing you from going on a cruise with them. You may respond, “Our priorities are different right now. Spending that money isn’t an option; raincheck?”
Boundaries: If you second-guess your decisions because of someone’s judgment, remind yourself why you made those choices. You know your situation better than anyone and you have the right to keep your spending habits private. If someone asks intrusive questions, shut them down with a simple, polite response. For example: “This is what currently works best for me.”
Reaction: Someone’s judgement reflects their perspective, not the reality of your situation. Reacting defensively can escalate your encounter instead of diffusing it so respond to criticism with calm confidence. Stay grounded in your values, set boundaries, and be assertive. For example: When your uncle criticizes your spending you can say, “I’ve made these choices because they align with my goals. Let’s talk about something else.”
Evaluation: Sometimes, people offer unsolicited feedback that may be valuable. If the judgment comes from someone you trust and respect, consider whether there’s any merit to their perspective. For example, if a financially savvy friend questions a decision you made, consider whether they have a good point. Ask yourself, “Is this spending preventing me from reaching my long-term goals?”
People: You can’t control people’s opinions about how you spend your money, but you can control your response. If certain individuals frequently judge you, try spending less time with them and more time with people who respect your choices or keep their opinions to themselves. When you encounter judgment, respond with empathy. People may criticize your spending because of their own financial stress. Acknowledge their feelings without compromising yours. For example: You could say, “Finances can be stressful. We all have different priorities, and that’s okay.”
Learning: When a financial decision was bad for you, it will hurt. The pain helps you learn. Ask yourself: What trigger can I set to not do that again? Clarify your values, identify the change you need to make, and make it. Spending isn’t really about the money. It’s about how you feel about the money. People want to tell you how they feel. They assume you want to make them feel good and aligning your expectations to theirs does that. But, trying to meet others’ expectations is not only a recipe for frustration, it can also lead to financial decisions that aren’t in your best interest. Prioritize your own goals and you’ll find more peace in your choices, regardless of what others think. For example: When a teammate comments on your spending habits, you could say, “I prefer to focus on what’s best for me rather than comparing myself with others.”
How do you handle being judged for your spending habits? Please share in the comments.